Need help with your sex memoir or erotica manuscript? Hire me!

When I had my website redesigned in 2019 (shoutout to Hunter Rook of Rowdy Ferret Design), I knew I wanted to make a mission statement that would try to sum up all the various types of things I do with words (fiction and nonfiction writing, copywriting, anthology editing, consulting with authors, teaching writing classes). This was my best stab at it: I write memorable stories and teach people how to craft their own.



I work with aspiring and published authors of erotica, erotic romance and nonfiction around sexuality and relationships to sharpen their manuscripts, generate ideas, navigate building an author brand and platform and more. I'm part writing coach and cheerleader and part consultant, copyeditor and advisor on marketing and publishing based on my over 20 years of experience with erotica and writing essays, sex columns and journalism for print and online publications. You can learn more about my consulting work at EroticaWriting101.com if you're interested or know anyone who is. I offer rates on a per word basis for novellas, novels, memoir and essays and consulting calls for those who have general or specific questions. You can read what clients and students have said about working with me in the testimonials section.

Kim Kardashian West will write foreword for freed convict Alice Marie Johnson's memoir After Life

My latest for Forbes online mentions a different Kardashian than my Lamar Odom article. This new one is about criminal justice reform and the forthcoming memoir After Life by Alice Marie Johnson, which will have a foreword by Kim Kardashian West. Hope you'll check it out (whether you care about either of those topics, or just want to support my writing). You can also follow me at Forbes's site if you want to get emailed when I write new articles. I write seven per month. If you're a book publicist, editor or literary agent and have a potential story idea related to book publishing news or trends, feel free to email me at mail at rachelkramerbussel.com with the subject line "Forbes" and I'll consider it (though I have most of my story ideas set through April, I'm always on the lookout for timely subjects).

New articles: Somali refugee Congresswoman Ilhan Omar memoir and US tour of The Bookshop Band

My latest articles for Forbes online, which I didn't get to post last week, are about Somali refugee turned Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's memoir book deal and The Bookshop Band doing their first U.S. tour. I interviewed Representative Omar's literary agent and her editor, who said, "Her voice on the page is very much as it is in real life—fresh and positive even when she is tackling serious issues, with real empathy and deep knowledge. Her story counters everything we keep hearing from the current administration and the right-wing media about refugees, immigrants, Muslims and women. This memoir presents an urgent and important counter-narrative."

Hope you'll check them out and follow me on Forbes if you want to be emailed when new articles drop. I write seven each month.

Me at Forbes.com on Michelle Obama memoir Becoming, veterans' books and drawable book covers

As I mentioned, I'm now have a regular freelance writing gig at Forbes.com where I cover trends in book publishing. This includes everything from book covers to book titles, author names, bookstores, literary agents, editors, book deals and more. That sounds vague but I promise there's interesting stuff and helpful takeaways. In the veterans' books article, I include what the publisher and literary agent and manager I interviewed want to acquire, and there will be lots more of that coming.

I'm always on the lookout for anything timely, so if you're a bookstore staffer, publisher, editor or literary agent, please reach out to me at rachelkb at gmail dot com with "Forbes" in the subject line. I'm generally not covering individual books or authors unless there's something especially noteworthy about them, like drawable book covers or a famous celebrity major title like Michelle Obama but I'm on the lookout for any and all new releases for common connections or links that might make an interesting article. Here are my first three articles, and you can follow me there to see the latest. I've only ever had regular sex columns in the past, not a regular beat per se, so I'm looking forward to diving into my favorite subject five to seven times per month.

"Why Michelle Obama Memoir Becoming Had High First-Day Bookstore Sales"

"Why War Books By Veterans Will Always Be Popular"

"Meet The Mystery Author Who Wants Readers To Draw On Her Book Covers"

Read my Jazz Jennings interview for Paper on her new memoir, overcoming depression, bathroom laws and more

I interviewed transgender teen activist and I Am Jazz star Jazz Jennings for Paper magazine, my first piece for them. I only had twenty minutes for the interview and wasn't sure if we'd get to everything I wanted to cover but we more than did, and Jazz had lots of fascinating things to say about her double life as a media star and regular teen, overcoming depression, the fight over restrooms and much more. Hope you enjoy it.

3 books I'm looking forward to reading

I'm planning to read these soon, and will hopefully share some more info on them when I'm done. I've read previous books by Jo Piazza and Xiaolu Guo that I enjoyed, especially Celebrity, Inc. and one of my favorite novels, A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers, which has even made it into my fiction in "Book Swap" in the newly published The Sexy Librarian's Big Book of Erotica, based on my actual reading of this book on a plane (which I'll be reading from September 15th at 7 pm at The Booksmith in San Francisco!). I'm linking to Amazon but encourage you to shop wherever books are sold near you; see IndieBound for your local bookstore.


My Body Is a Book of Rules by Elissa Washuta - I just got this book and it's far more stunning than even this beautiful cover does justice to onscreen. Check out this review for more info.


If Nuns Ruled The World by Jo Piazza - I started this and it's fascinating (and feminist). Nicholas Kristof explains why the book's important in The New York Times.


I Am China by Xiaolu Guo - read an excerpt at Asia Society, and catch the author in person at Asia Society in New York September 10th (if I weren't away I'd be there in a heartbeat).

My interview with the authors of Queerly Beloved on how changing genders changed their marriage

I interviewed author couple Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall for Slate's Outward blog about their new memoir Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders. We talked for a long time (almost two hours!) so this is a brief overview of what we discussed, about how they went from a lesbian couple to a lesbian-identified bisexual married to a trasngender man, how their families and the GLBT community reacted, how changing genders affected Jacob and how he's perceived, and more. The book is one I recommend, whether you normally read about transgender or queer topics or not, because it's such an open look at how their relationship and marriage works, how deeply they know each other, though packed with revelations they reveal to each other (and the reader) over the course of alternating chapters. It's my first piece for Slate so if you liked it, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. I also recommend checking out their interview with Tristan Taormino on her Sex Out Loud radio show.

2 book recommendations: Raw by Mark Haskell Smith and Splitting the Difference by Tré Miller Rodríguez

2 book recommendations, one a very ridiculous, fun reality TV-themed novel, one a moving memoir about death and its aftermath. No relation, save that I just read them both. Found Raw: A Love Story in Portland, Maine at Longfellow Books, found Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir, a She Writes Press book, via the author's column at Modern Loss. I'm linking to Amazon, because I make a few cents from each purchase through those links, and these days, every penny counts bigtime, but purchase at your favorite bookstore, online or off. Trust me, if Red Bank had a bookstore, I'd be there multiple times a week. If I move, that is something I will look for in my new town!


Raw by Mark Haskell Smith
Buy in print or Kindle
My review:

I stumbled across Raw when I was looking for a light, fun read. I got that and more, including plenty of ridiculousness in this novel about reality TV, publishing, books snobs and adventure. Sepp Gregory a reality star with women lining up for a piece of him--ideally, his impeccable abs that he shows off at almost every opportunity. Sepp is on a book tour for a book his ghostwriter, a struggling Brooklyn author named Curtis, wrote, but that Sepp hasn't read. What happens from there is utterly over the top, including a momentous and game-changing visit to the Playboy Mansion, where Harriet, who up til now has been the epitome of a book snob and easy to hate, takes on a life of her own. It's to Smith's credit that while this book is utterly absurd and about as far from reality as you could get, it's in the most inane and unlikely of the story's adventures that it becomes the most fun. If you're part of the publishing or book blogging world, there's plenty of insider humor, right alongside the most cynical and careerist publicists. But you don't have to be a fan of reality shows, or even books, to enjoy this romp of a novel. In fact, I'd venture that Sepp Gregory, who treats books as pure marketing tools and practically foreign objects, just might enjoy Raw. It's a perfect beach read, whether you're on an actual beach or not, with a bit of snark, and plenty of sex, death and fame.

Splitting the Difference by Tré Miller Rodríguez
Buy in print or Kindle
My review:

I discovered Rodriguez via her column for Modernloss.com, and was intrigued enough to want to check out her memoir. Her husband's death comes at the start of the book; then, tracing backwards, she shares the story of how they got together, her decision to give up her daughter for adoption when she became pregnant at 18, and her brother's death. The core of the book, though, is about the practical matters surrounding the death of her husband of four years, Alberto. The shock of discovering him dead in their bed only hours after she'd seen him alive is vivid and present throughout the story. There's an immediacy to the writing style here that takes readers right into the heart of both grief and coping with the seemingly endless minutiae of death, the ongoing reminders everpresent in their home and beyond. Rodriguez tackles dating, dealing with family (her own and her husband's), the scattering of his ashes in various locations and her eventual reunion with her daughter in a way that made me want to keep reading. The writing and emotion are raw, yet never without care and thoughtfulness. The portrait painted of their relationship, through flashbacks and mementos and memories, is one of a couple who were different in many ways, but had seared their lives together in pretty much every way, which makes the decisions Rodriguez has to make all the more challenging. Is there sex and drugs? Yes, a little, and it's to her credit that she is unapologetic about what she gets out of them. There's no moralizing here about anything, and certainly no sugarcoating, which is what makes this a brave and haunting memoir.

24/7 corset wearing and why Victorian underwear is better than ours

These are some of the things I discussed in my Salon interview with Sarah A. Chrisman, author of Victorian Secrets: What a Corset Taught Me about the Past, the Present, and Myself.

Two new memoirs reviewed at Huffington Post

I reviewed two memoirs at The Huffington Post, The Art of Sleeping Alone by Sophie Fontanel and Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin by Nicole Hardy, both of which I included in my 9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex roundup at Bustle.

How to Use Technology to Write Erotica and 9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex

I wrote 2 recent pieces about two of my favorite topics: erotica and books! "5 Ways To Use Technology to Write Erotica" - I link to a couple current calls for submissions for anthologies and offer up ways to brainstorm erotic story ideas. I will be ballsy/annoying and ask that if you like my Medium piece, you click "recommend" at the bottom -- I really appreciate it! And if you want in-person erotica advice, I'm teaching Erotica 101 September 27th at The Tool Shed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and November 12th at Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, New Mexico (and am always open to teaching at new venues, email me at rachelkb at gmail.com for my rates).

"9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex" at Bustle (yes, Bussel on Bustle) - leading off with this week's release, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin by Nicole J. Hardy, which I highly recommend. More on that one soon, but I think it speaks so much to the longing for connection and intimacy, and the ways that often religion (in this case, Mormonism), doesn't provide that. But it's also about self-discovery and travel and independence and is a lovely memoir.

One of the interviews I'm most proud of doing, ever: Carry On, Warrior author Glennon Doyle Melton for The Fix

I've done dozens, if not hundreds of interviews, because that is one of the things I most love: seeing or reading or experiencing someone's art and getting the honor of picking their brain. And when a book changes my life and makes me rethink it and realize that being flawed isn't a bad thing, but perhaps makes you a stronger, more committed person, if you will it, then I'm even more humbled. For me, reading Glennon Doyle Melton's Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed changed my worldview and made me want to be a better person, based on her example. I'm extremely proud of my interview with her for The Fix. When someone is that raw, real, open and giving, it makes it easy to ask hard questions. Do also read her blog Momastery. She is right: we can do hard things. I'm learning that, baby step by baby step, one second at at time, as I rework myself into someone I can be proud of. In the book and on her blog, she quotes Anaïs Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." That quote cut me right open because it's so true, and as someone who has lived in fear for what feels like forever, breaking out of that feels beyond liberating. It feels like something I have no words for. So thank you, Glennon, Anaïs, the Universe, for giving me the chance to remake myself into the best possible version of myself, with every moment, every decision, every failure, and reminding me why I need to.

I interviewed former Westboro Baptist Church member Lauren Drain

At The Hairpin, I interviewed Lauren Drain, author of Banished, about her time in the Westboro Baptist Church (and being banished from it). Interesting how often religion is cropping up in my life - been to temple twice this year, for a funeral and a bris, which is probably more than the last three years. And have another author interview coming up that touches on religion. Also, I'm doing lots more book coverage so if you are a publicist and have a new memoir, pop culture, current events, dating/relationship, addiction book or something else that I might like, I am accepting egalleys (and print copies if there are no egalleys). Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com and I will check them out. Netgalley is my new favorite website!

Former porn star Jennie Ketcham talks sex addiction, masturbation and healthy relationships

I interviewed Jennie Ketcham, author of the new memoir I Am Jennie and formerly known as porn star Penny Flame, about sex addiction, masturbation, reality TV, healthy relationships, female friendships and more at The Daily Beast. Here's one of the questions she answers: "Your recovery process for sex addiction included not masturbating, and making a masturbation trigger list. Why was that one of your rules?"

Why I'm loving Storm Large's memoir Crazy Enough

I'm only 27 pages in and am smitten with performer Storm Large's memoir Crazy Enough Two excerpts below are part of the reason why. You can also read some excerpts at Willamette Week. Plus the cover rocks!



First, her awesome disclaimer - I read a lot of memoirs and sometimes they offer up a straightforward one, and sometimes the writers get a bit more creative (Sara Benincasa also has a great one in her mental health memoir Agorafabulous!: Dispatches from My Bedroom). I added a silent "Fuck yeah" at the end of this one as I read.

All of these stories are true and as accurate as I could get them, with the help of friends and family who were party or privy to the events described. Several names and identifying characteristics of people and places have been blurred or outright changed to protect the innocent and the dead. Some have been changed to protect myself from the drug addled and psychotic, along with the general douche baggery that is so prevalent in these litigious times. Many of these memories are from more than thirty years ago, so keep in mind there have been a few tankers of alcohol and trash bags full of drugs, not to mention acres of weenie, that have been tossed through my body and brain since then, so I could have gotten a few things twisted around. But I do know for sure that I live at the end.

And then this passage, one which I, um, identify heavily.

Everything with me as a child--and later on--was either the mostexcitingwonderfulamazingyougottacomeseethisnow thing ever or else the sun would be going black, it was raining frogs, and the hooves of plague were thundering around me. Sometimes, I wondered if I was too sensitive to even be alive. I still feel that way now and then, like a turtle yanked raw and naked from its shell and tossed, torn open, and shrieking, into a sandstorm.

My review of Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z. Scoblic

One of my favorite books I read in 2011 was Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety! Also one of the first I purchased for my Nook. I read it in pieces, and finally finished it last night. I cried. In a good/moving way.



My review:

It would be almost impossible to tell her story of the first year without alcohol without sharing what alcohol meant in her life, and Scoblic manages to weave the two together beautifully in this moving, sometimes funny, sometimes sobering (pun intended) memoir. She writes about how she relied on alcohol in multiple ways, and that when she took that crutch away, she was left with a lot of assumptions, about 12-step programs, about faith, about relapsing, that she had to reexamine. One of the most crucial parts, one that I related to, was the idea that faith and prayer are not just for believers. She writes about praying even though she doesn’t actual believe, or isn’t sure that she does, and that is a concept that was utterly new for me. From Unwasted: “I have found moments of prayer, as I snuggle into my white bed in my deep blue bedroom—like a woman floating on her own moon—when I get grateful about the man next to me, my little pooch, my groovy neighborhood, and our good health and lives, in which I can rediscover a sense of adventure about life and I can touch a small and wonder-filled current inside of me.” This concept permeates the book.

She includes extended fantasies about alternate worlds, from aliens to celebrities, where she might be “required” to drink, and these relapse fantasies, while fantastical, lend an important reality to the book. Scoblic did not simply hop, skip and jump into sobriety. She does not make it sound simple or easy, and doesn’t gloss over the challenges of being at a heavy-drinking company retreat or at a party where her old ways can no longer guide her. Toward the end of the book, Scoblic writes, “Until sobriety, the idea that I was someone worthwhile and unique a priori had not occurred to me. And, as I looked toward the blank sober slate before me in the mirror, a thousand discarded personas on the floor, I began to sense that this one last transformation—that is, become myself, which is what everyone tells you to be from the start—was going to be an awful lot of fun. I was going to reinvent myself as me.” By the actual end, as she writes about training for a marathon, a lifelong goal, I will admit that I cried. Scoblic does not pretend to have all the answers, but her vision of community, of strength and support, for running and sobriety, is an antidote to the loneliness she explores in the rest of the book, the loneliness and fear that alcohol momentarily removed from her. Her journey in exploring those dark spaces and discovering how to fill the gaps left by alcohol is touching, and should help give insight into alcoholism from a very poignant, personal perspective.

Sex in books Twitter chat December 7th!

Join us December 7th from 7-8 pm on Twitter with the hashtag #sexinbooks - I'll be moderating, so if you have questions for these authors, email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "#sexinbooks" in the subject line. See you there!

Rachel Kramer Bussel (@raquelita)


Women in Lust

Anna David (@annadavid)


Falling for Me

Beth Griffenhagen (@thathaikugirl)


Haiku for the Single Girl

Kiri Blakeley (@kiriblakeley)


Can't Think Straight

Sascha Rothchild (@sascharothchild)


How to Get Divorced by 30

Judy McGuire (@hitormissjudy)


How Not to Date

2 books I recommend: Rad Dad and It's Hard Not to Hate You

Two books I recommend - the new Rad Dad: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Fatherhood anthology (click here for tour dates!) and the new Valerie Frankel memoir on friendship and jealousy, It's Hard Not to Hate You. Crazy deadline week/month but when I have some time I'll write a bit more, but if you're interested in politics and parenting, Rad Dad is great, and Frankel's book is funny but extremely memorable and tackles questions like how many friends should you have/do you need, what to do about professional jealousy (you can play "figure out the chick lit author she's talking about;" it only takes a wee bit of Googling) and bitchy neighbors and more.

Love, race and family tonight with the brilliant Diane Farr and Ken Tanabe

You really don't want to miss this meeting of two truly brilliant minds and open-hearted, amazing people who are working to make the world a better, less racist place. Ken Tanabe is the found of Loving Day and Diane Farr is the author of Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After, which is about both her love story with her Korean husband and follows stories of various interracial couples as they navigate their families old and new. And yes, this will finally inspire me to finish up my interview with Diane and get it online by hook or by crook. She had so many amazing things to say and I want to share them.



Venue: Barnes and Noble Tribeca
Address Line 1: 97 Warren Street
City: New York
State (if you are in the U.S.A): New York
Country: United States

You may know Diane Farr as an actress on "Rescue Me" and "Numb3rs," or as a host on "Loveline." Her new book, "Kissing Outside the Lines," is her "unapologetic - often hilarious - look at the complexities of interracial/ethnic/religious/what-have-you love." She shares her own story of creating a family with someone from a race and culture different from her own, as well as the stories of other multiracial couples from different corners of the U.S.

Join Loving Day for this entertaining and informative event! Diane Farr will be there in person to discuss "Kissing Outside the Lines." There will also be a Q&A session moderated by Loving Day founder Ken Tanabe.

Diane Farr at Barnes & Noble Tribeca
Wednesday, July 6th at 6:30pm
97 Warren Street, New York, NY 10007

Can’t make it to the event? Your purchases from Barnes & Noble online (and at the store) between July 6-10, 2011 can benefit Loving Day. For online orders, check the box labeled “Check this box if this is a Bookfair Order”. Then, in the field labeled “BOOKFAIR ID NUMBER,” enter 10519932. Your purchases in the store or over the phone will also benefit Loving Day if you provide our Bookfair ID number 10519932.

Loving Day fights racial prejudice through education and builds multicultural community. A growing global network of annual Loving Day Celebrations commemorate the anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court decision that legalized interracial marriage in the United States. For more information about Loving Day, please visit http://www.lovingday.org
Hosted By:
Diane Farr and Loving Day
RSVP:
not required
Link:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=212139408821652

Waking up next to her makes a rough week a little better

Trying to snap out of this rough week's mindset so I can appreciate my vacation this weekend and leave the ills of New York and self-sabotage behind. Excited to spend some time away and also to come back and hopefully have both perspective and creativity, two things I've been lacking lately. Waking up next to this fluffy, friendly one has helped, and I get to do it next week too!

When I was little I always begged my mom for a cat. "If you're not going to get me a cat, don't get me anything," I said before I think my 8th or 9th birthday. But I was allergic and we lived in an apartment building where they weren't allowed. I wasn't hearing it. I honestly don't know if I'd be good at taking care of a cat in the long-term, but I don't have to worry about that. In the short time, like tonight and tomorrow morning, I get to cuddle with her, which is perfect, cause talking to people I would probably not be so successful at right now.

It's such a close shot cause she was lying on my chest. So, onward. I am very good at lamenting what I haven't done, but am trying to focus on what I can do in the moment, like write about BEA fatigue. And masturbation. And gay threesomes. The usual mix. I will tell you that the best book I got at BEA (obviously haven't read them all, but I can tell) is Pesi Dinnerstein's forthcoming memoir from Seal Press, A Cluttered Life: Searing for God, Serenity, and My Missing Keys. I grabbed it this morning...after frantically looking for my keys.

She nails things in just the first few pages I've read that could be straight out of my head, about the reasons behind hoarding and clutter and filling ourselves up with all the things we fill ourselves up with, women like us. I am trying not to do that, yet that process seeps in, whether it's filling up my hand with to do list items or my bags or my home or my mouth. Unlearning, or avoiding, lifelong bad habits is extremely challenging. They are comforting even when they're clearly dysfunctional, hence I make the same errors when it comes to not finishing, procrastinating, spending, clutter, whatever, over and over again. It's why I'd rather not drink at all than even give myself the option.

I'd rather choose nothing because I don't think I'll ever be fully rid of my all or nothing mindset; that's the rationale behind my short-lived dating hiatus. I couldn't trust myself and my "all" in terms of dating was both literal and full of bad decisions, ones that often, in the moment, felt good. I could talk myself into justifying them just like I do with all the other arenas where I'm careening into negative behaviors. It's not just a daily thing but sometimes an hourly, or by the minute, process of pulling myself out of that darkness. I almost lost it yesterday with such a wave of self-hatred I could barely get myself back for my signing, let alone smile and act happy to sign books. But I did and by the end I actually was kindof happy to have signed all the copies of Gotta Have It that were placed in front of me. I gave out swag and people not only looked excited to read the book, lots were giving it as gifts, and I wrote down the URL for the hotel erotica anthology I'm editing. Thank you to everyone who came to that signing for helping me see that failure isn't such an all or nothing prospect. It's one (or, okay, three or ten) failures, paired with lots of successes. There isn't a scorecard; it's just life, and sometimes I make good decisions and live up to my potential, and sometimes I bomb hard. I know there is a lesson in the bombing; I'm still trying to figure out what that is and find a way to prove to myself that I can meet my goals. I can't try to live up to anyone else's goals for me; that is a road to ruin, but I can make goals for myself and hold myself accountable, and that is what I'm trying to do in this crazy year of 35 that much of the time I just wish were over.

One lesson I learned this week is that having a cat stick her wet little nose all up in my face and show me so much unconditional love was both adorable and really healing. She doesn't care in the least about any of my human flaws and problems and I totally needed that. It was an unexpected bit of catsitting and I'm very grateful for the opportunity.