What it's like to have a sneezing fetish

My latest interview for Elle.com is with a woman who has a sneezing fetish. She offered an insightful look into a sexual phenomenon we don't hear about too often, and I found it fascinating.



I'm also looking for more women to talk to about sex and dating (you can of course be anonymous, as the fetishist and almost all my interviewees have been) for this sexuality interview series. I want to hear from women with unusual/off the beaten path fetishes or sexual practices or dating/relationship structures, or who've been through particular dating drama, like this San Francisco woman on dating tech guys who have a Peter Pan complex (and because I know someone will ask, I'm focusing on women because Elle is a women's magazine, but I of course think people of all genders have just as fascinating sex lives). Email me at ellesexstories at gmail dot com if you fit the bill and are interested in talking; the interviews take about half an hour and feel free to pass that on to anyone you know who might be a good match.

Win one of 25 copies of my women's sexual fantasy erotica book Begging for It - enter by Friday, August 19

If you aren't a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you should be! Visit rachelkramerbussel.com to subscribe. In the August newsletter, I listed this Begging for It giveaway, which ends Friday, August 19, 2016 at 11:59 pm EST (open to U.S. residents who are also newsletter subscribers, only because overseas postage has become absolutely astronomical and well out of my price range for giveaways). I'll be sending 25 lucky winners autographed copies on Saturday morning. In this anthology, I asked authors to craft erotica stories around the theme of women's sexual fantasies, and boy, did they do so, from sex in public to wearing a corset to getting strung up by a bondage master and so much more. Good luck!



As a refresher, here's what's in Begging for It

Introduction: Beggars and Choosers Rachel Kramer Bussel
Symphony Dena Hankins
Tabitha the Cat Lauren Marie Fleming
Leo Rising Suleikha Snyder
Orcas Regina Kammer
Morning’s Come Sommer Marsden
Babes Elizabeth Black
Entreé Nous Darsie Hemingway
Dollymop Malin James
Best Laid Plans Oleander Plume
Lipstick M. Birds
Rediscovery Hedonist Six
A Proven Therapeutic Fact D. L. King
Caught Rei Pardieu
Jane’s Fantasy, Your Fantasy Annabeth Leong
Self-Denial Tilly Hunter
Ruthless Claire de Winter
Sucker Rachel Kramer Bussel
Apple Thighs Jade A. Waters
Little Girl Blue Laila Blake
Do Robots Breathe? Tamsin Flowers

How chronic fatigue syndrome affects a woman's sex life

I'm very proud of my new Elle.com interview on sex and chronic fatigue syndrome. I did one on sex and depression and have been wanting to explore physical health in addition to mental health. I hope you'll check it out, especially if your life is affected by CFS, and if you're a woman interested in being profiled in this series or know someone who is, contact me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little about yourself and what you'd want to focus on in the interview, which can cover any aspect of sex and dating (although I have a fair amount of polyamory and open relationship interviews at the moment). Thank you!

Why dating tech guys is the worst and Bay Area Peter Pan Syndrome at Elle.com

My latest sex interview for Elle.com is about dating in the Bay Area and men who don't want to grow up (my interviewee cooked dinner for a guy who left early to go have sex with someone else). I'm on the lookout for more women to interview! Some topics I'd like to discuss: sex and dating when you travel often for work, sex after abortion, sex while dealing with illness, any momentous sexual first times, your experience with female ejaculation, preferring sex toys over partner sex, and sex when you have a very specific fetish, but I'm open to pretty much anything else, especially subjects I haven't covered yet. Email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me about yourself and what you'd want to discuss and if you know any women who might be open to talking to me, please pass this on.

Do you prefer dating older men? Read my latest sex interview at Elle.com

Last week at Elle.com, I interviewed a woman who's 29 dating a man who's 46, who tends to prefer older men over those her age. We talked about why she's down on guys her age and her requests regarding performance enhancing drugs. Read the interview to find out why!



I thought I'd already posted this, but apparently I hadn't. And if you know any women with fascinating sex and dating lives, I'd love to interview them anonymously for this weekly series. We can talk about pretty much anything in the sex and sexuality and dating wheelhouse, as long as they're willing to let me pick their brain. Anyone interested should email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little about who you are and what you'd want to talk about in the interview. Thank you!

Open marriage, abortion and using Tinder in new Elle.com interview

My latest interview for Elle.com is with a woman in an open marriage using Tinder. I'm always looking for women to interview for this series, so if you have an interesting sex/dating life and would be open to talking to me anonymously about it, email me at ellesexstories at gmail dot com - and please check out what I've covered so far to get a feel for what the interviews are like. This one touches on it, but I'm especially interested in talking to a woman about what sex is like after having an abortion.

Sex and depression interview for Elle - Mental Health Awareness Month

For my weekly Elle.com sex interview, I focused on sex and depression. While it's not the place for it in the interview, I can say that I've dealt with depression and it's certainly affected my relationships, all the more so my current one because I live with my partner, and it's something I know many other women struggle with. I'm looking to interview more women (anonymously, unless you want to use your name) about their sex and dating lives, about anything and everything related to sex, whether you're partnered or single. So far I've talked to women about everything from polyamory to BDSM to sex after childbirth to sexual fantasies and affairs. You can email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little more about yourself and what you'd want to discuss in the interview.

After divorcing at 55, she's having multiple orgasms and the best sex of her life

I was thrilled to get to conduct this interview about multiple orgasms at age 77, among other topics, for my Elle.com series Love, Actually, which so far has covered subjects like a swingers cruise, coming out to your husband as a submissive into BDSM, a spouse's gender transition, sexual desire after childbirth and dating while disabled.



I found my subject this week an inspiration and hope you will too. And no, it's not because she's having multiple orgasms (though I'm happy for her), but because I think her story exemplifies how your life can be going in one downward direction for a long time and then you can make positive changes and steer it in a better direction. Did this happen for her overnight? Of course not, but it did happen, and that's something I think we can all relate to and strive for, whether in the sexual arena or not. (That was my personal takeaway; the goal of these interviews isn't to be "inspiration" but simply to be honest, I just wanted to share why this week's resonated so much with me.)

I actually asked senior sex expert Joan Price if she could put out feelers to her network for women over 50 who'd talk to me and that's how this came about, and I'd love to profile more women over 50 (see below for other women I'd like to speak to for the series, which features anonymous women sharing what their sex and dating lives are really like).

Check out all the rest of these sex interviews and if you are a woman who wants to be profiled and has an interesting sex and/or dating life, please email me at ellesexstories at gmail dot com - I'm deliberately keeping that vague because if you think it's interesting, if there's a burning secret you have or something you frantically rush to discuss with your friends, I'd love to hear about it. Specifically, I'm looking to interview a single woman who's actively dating (whether sex is involved or not), a woman to talk about what sex is like after an abortion (and dating, if applicable), a woman with a specific fetish, a woman in a long distance relationship or one who travels frequently for work, a woman in a relationship with another woman, and a transgender woman. Those are a few of the types of women I want to interview, but by no means an exclusive list. And for anyone who's asking, why women? Well, Elle is a magazine geared toward women and this is for their website.

What it's like to be married and having an affair with an ex

That's the subject of one of my recent Elle.com Love, Actually interviews.



I'm sharing this because I'm looking for more women to interview anonymously about your sex and dating lives. If that's you or someone you know, please get in touch or pass along the above link or this post. I would especially like to talk to a woman who's dating someone at least 15 years younger or older than her, but as you can see from the topics below, I'm looking for all sorts of women to profile for this series, and I will repeat again that you can be completely anonymous. I've changed everyone's name except one who allowed me to keep her first name. Who am I looking to talk to? You can be a virgin or a woman who has sex with someone different every night, as long as you're willing to let me ask you some very personal questions about what that experience is like; I'm looking to interview women from age 18 into their eighties and nineties of all sexual orientations, those in relationships and those who aren't. Email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little about yourself and what you'd want to discuss. Here are the interviews I've done so far:

How sexual assault affected a married woman's sex life

A wife having an affair with her more well-endowed ex

Three weeks after giving birth, she's ready for sex

Life as a disabled single woman who's actively dating

A wife confesses to her husband that she's a BDSM submissive and wants him to dominate her

What it's like to have a spouse who's transitioning

Sex in an open marriage

I want to interview you about your sex life if...

I want to interview women (you can be anonymous) about your sex life if:

You've kept (or are keeping) a sex secret from a partner. This could be anything from your porn viewing habits or a particular fetish or sexual interest to sexting or flirting with someone, etc. Anything that would fall under "sex secret" is fair game.

And then for a new series of interviews I'm conducting for Elle.com, the first of which, about polyamory, is up now ("I'm in a Relationship With Five People. Just One Is My Husband."), I'd like to talk women who fit any of the following:

You've exclusively dated/slept with people of one gender and after 10 or more years decided to date people of another gender.

You're a single college student.

You've only slept with one partner (and are still sleeping with them).

You're having an affair.

You engage in a specific fetish.

You're in a relationship and you and/or your partner deal with mental health issues.

You're in a long distance relationship.

You're pregnant or recently gave birth.

You have a highly unique aspect of your sex (and/or dating) life that you'd like to open up about. I will leave it up to you as to what's "highly unique" but if you know any women with such a story who might be interested in being profiled, have them get in touch.

Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Interview" in the subject line and a little about your story and I can give you more information.

Talking sex, BDSM, Dirty Dates, erotica, writing, editing and more on Girl Boner podcast with August McLaughlin

Yesterday I had a great time chatting with August McLaughlin on her Girl Boner podcast, about what I learned about sex growing up, erotica writing and editing, BDSM, Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples and more. I hope you'll check it out and I highly recommend subscribing to Girl Boner in iTunes or Stitcher and checking out August's upcoming book Embraceable, which I'm eagerly awaiting.

Goodbye, Philadelphia City Paper sex column, I've learned so much from writing you

Updated October 2Last September, I woke up on the Sunday morning of CatalystCon West to an email asking if I'd like to start writing a sex column for Philadelphia alternative weekly newspaper Philadelphia City Paper. It had been eight years since my Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice ended, and I was game. I've since written 51 columns, the latest on "Sexual Politics" and featuring a photo of Donald Trump, is my final column, and next week's, my 52nd, will be my last, because the paper is being shut down. As they wrote yesterday, in what had to be an almost impossibly tough news story to cover:

You may have read this afternoon that Philadelphia City Paper had been sold and would cease publication as of next Thursday, October 8.

This came as a surprise to us, too.

I want to thank Lilian Swanson for plucking me out of everyone else she could have chosen. Writing a weekly sex column was an incredible learning experience. You have to always be on top of your subjects and what's happening in the world in a way I had never been before. I got to see what it was like to have a column, and its subject, OrgasmQuest, go viral. I got to approach Valentine's Day from a polyamorous perspective on metamours. And so much more. Writing that column made me feel part of the writing world in a way I remembered from my Voice days, let me profile fascinating people and kept me on my toes. It let me feel part of a city where I don't live, but now live in its vicinity.

So what's next for me? I'm still writing my Shameless Sex column at DAME on everything from baby-making sex to questioning "orgasm equality" to sapiosexuals to being offered $3,500 for one night of sexual adventure, and looking for as much freelance writing as I can handle.

If you're an editor, I'd love to talk to you about contributing to your newspaper, magazine, website, etc., and can be reached at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com. I actually am looking for topics beyond sex, though of course I will always write about sex and dating, but I like to expand my beats of books, pop culture, body image, hoarding and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have several projects and essays I've been wanting to work on but haven't had the time, so I will be looking into those, and preparing to teach my next LitReactor online erotica writing class, which starts November 3rd, and prepping for the release of my 40th birthday and the anthology that publishes that day, Dirty Dates. So I have a lot on my plate, but will miss the challenge of this weekly column, and wish all the staff of Philadelphia City Paper the best.

A stranger wanted to pay me $3,500 to sleep with him - you won't believe what happened next

I learned a lot about myself, sex work, money, labor and value while writing my latest DAME column, "I Was Offered $3,500 to Have Sex with a Stranger. Thanks to Melissa Petro and Kimberlee Cline for sharing their thoughts for the column. Check it out now, and I welcome suggestions on future topics to cover at rachelcitypaper at gmail.com - you can also read my entire DAME Shameless Sex column archives.

My 50th Philadelphia City Paper sex column is on sexual fantasies with Girl on the Net

This week marks my 50th Philadelphia City Paper sex column - it's on sexual fantasies, featuring sex blogger Girl on the Net! Here's a snippet:

But even for someone as brazen as the 31-year-old, who's in a "couple-years-long, mostly monogamous" relationship, not every fantasy is one she wants to bring to life. "Some things I masturbate about purely because that's what I know I'll get off on at the time," she said, "and other fantasies I want to mull over as possibilities for the future."

I'm so proud of marking this milestone and hope I get to write 50 (and many hundreds) more. You can read the column's archives here and I welcome pitches on new subjects, people, events, fantasies, dating and relationship topics and anything else that falls under the umbrella of sex. Write to rachelcitypaper at gmail.com and let me know what you'd like to see me cover next! If it's happening in Philadelphia, all the better, though I cover national and international subjects as well.

Are brains the new tits? Find out in my sapiosexual column at DAME

My latest column at women's site DAME asks "Is Smart The New Sexy?" which explores how we assess intelligence in the dating world, whether you need to have attended college to be considered "smart," what sapiosexual means and how it's perceived, with quotes from Kate Sloan, Rose Caraway, Melissa Toler and Jo Weldon and a brief take on my attendance at Bawdy Storytelling in LA (which also happens tomorrow in San Francisco and if you're there you should go!).



Also: I'd love your suggestions for what to cover next for my DAME sex column that relates to women and sex and/or dating. Email me at rachelkb at gmail do com with "DAME" in the subject line.

Read my latest sex essay in O, The Oprah Magazine

I mostly write online, but in the October issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, I have a short essay about my sex life on page 126, as part of a longer package on sex that's all fascinating. I don't know if it'll also be online, but I encourage you to check it out. What's funny is that I saw the magazine on Wednesday when flying out to L.A., and meant to post about it earlier. So much has happened in the past few days that to me this is almost "old" news, although of course it's not. More when I've had a chance to catch up and think through all the amazing things that went on this weekend. I feel energized and excited and so glad I got to meet new people and connect with old friends and learn more about my role in the sex positive community. I feel ready to tackle so much that's ahead, personally and professionally, and am happy to be winding up my thirties with my words in a magazine I've been reading for years, subscribe to, and even tore an essay out of when I was moving a few months ago and kept because it spoke to me.

How to be a better submissive in BDSM

Want to explore BDSM in a deeper way? This week I wrote about Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive Playground online course in my Philadelphia City Paper sex column (if they're related to Philadelphia, that's wonderful, but they don't have to be). I'm actively looking for new topics to cover. Pitch me at rachelcitypaper at gmail.com - anything I haven't already covered in previous columns in the sex/dating/relationships realm is fair game!



Sign up for my newsletter at rachelkramerbussel.com to find out my latest news and enter contests to win free books.

Can you be addicted to your vibrator?

That's the issue I explore in my new DAME sex column, as well as what women who aren't necessarily "addicted" but feel too reliant on one way of coming can do to switch things up.



Also: I'm always open to pitches about what to cover next for my columns. DAME's Shameless Sex column deals with women and sex and Philadelphia City Paper with anything and everything (for a few examples, popular topics have included sex and depression/mental health, Valentine's Day polyamory and metamours, dick pics, what it's like to be a male dominant and working at a porn company). Email rachelcitypaper at gmail.com with your column idea (for either column) and as much as detail as possible. I'd love to do more columns on dating in particular, but am open to anything. Feel free to pass this on to anyone you know who might have a great story my readers would enjoy.

Working at Philadelphia porn company HotMovies.com

This week I profiled Dee Viant of HotMovies.com about working at a Philly porn company.



Here's an excerpt:

Has Viant ever felt discriminated against because she’s a woman in a business largely focused on naked ladies? “Never,” says Viant, “but I’ve definitely felt that in more formal workplaces. At the office, it’s a business environment; we have to be mature about sex.”

Yet she can appreciate some of the more absurd aspects of her job. She gets to travel to Las Vegas for the annual AVN (Adult Video News) convention, where Ron Jeremy signs DVDs — and body parts — at their booth. Her most surreal ex-perience? “At AVN, it’s known that if you’re interested, Ron will lift up your top and fondle and/or kiss and suck your breasts. This year, one of the AVN staffers told me, ‘You’ve got to tell Ron the nipples have to stay covered.’ That was just hysterical. I thought, ‘What the fuck is my life?’”

Read the whole thing, check out the column archives and pitch me or tell me what I should cover at rachelcitypaper at gmail.com

How to have an open marriage

Is the subject of my latest DAME sex column. I'd love to hear any other topics related to sex and women you'd like to see me cover (or sex in general). Truly, I would! Email me at rachelcitypaper at gmail dot com with your ideas: could be about dating, relationships, sex practices, fetishes, fantasies, events, etc. I'm open, to be punny for a moment.



Here's a snippet of the new column:

Skye, a writer in her fifties, began her 20-year marriage monogamous. But eight years into her marriage, her husband told Skye that he was interested in exploring his bisexuality, and they decided to open their relationship. He’d stopped seeing other people once they started dating, but she wasn’t surprised or threatened when he brought it up. Skye believes this is because, at the time, he was interested exclusively in seeing men at the time (he’s since gone on to date other women), so Skye was less threatened by the prospect than she would have been if he’d wanted to see another woman, because "clearly, in my case, I could not be a man." But he has suffered more pangs of jealousy over the years than she has, she explained. “In the long run, as long as I’m being treated well by my partners, he’s okay,” she said. “I make it a habit to tell him that no one else could ever be what he is to me.”

Keep reading