Happy book birthday to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3!

On the personal front it's been a hard month so I'm thrilled that there's some good news on the horizon: one of the best books I've ever edited, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3, is officially out today in ebook!



I love that my ebooks are now publishing a few weeks earlier than print since that's how the vast majority of people read them. If you like sexy stories, I'm pretty sure you'll like these 21 tales by women from around the world. I made sure every story is action-packed and super hot. It opens with an amazing bisexual exhibitionism story by Abigail Barnette, which I chose as the first story because it totally blew me away, and goes on from there to everything from sex toys to a bibliophile with a major book fetish to bondage, hiring a Dom, and so much more. If you're planning to buy it, doing so during the first week of release is majorly helpful, but of course sales any time help me a great deal. My grand crazy wild finger-crossed dream is to get to edit at least 10 volumes of Best Women's Erotica of the Year and publish over 200 authors in the process, so if this one sells well, I'll be one step closer to making that happen.

Even if you're not buying the book, a hugely helpful thing to do would be to add it to your Amazon wishlist and your Goodreads want to read list. It may seem like a small thing and takes just a second, but those little things make a big difference in helping more potential readers stumble across my book amongst the millions available out there. This is my livelihood, but it's also my deep passion that I've poured my heart and soul into since I started writing erotica in 1999. I do everything I can to turn that energy into giving these authors, several of whom are being published for the first time, as many new readers and followers as I can. I can't wait for you to check out these stories. You can read my introduction over at bweoftheyear.com.

Here's what others have been saying:

Publishers Weekly (starred review): "With a refreshing variety of characters, configurations, and situations, all 21 stories in the collection deliver without becoming stale or repetitive."

Library Journal (starred review): "Editor Bussel (The Big Book of Orgasms) has curated a variety of quality stories with care and intention, highlighting women reclaiming their agency through erotic experiences. This collection opens with Abigail Barnette’s playfully steamy “The Birthday Gift,” wherein Sophie presents husband Neil with a wickedly unconventional visual treat. Wickedness is also the word of the day in Sommer Marsden’s “Demon Purse,” in which an adventurous makeup artist uses her skills to indulge her boyfriend’s sinful fantasy. "

Slutty Girl Problems: "There was something I enjoyed about each story from Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 3, but a few stories stood out as my favorites. I absolutely appreciated Sophie’s love of books and the feelings they can stir from deep within in “Bibliophile,” and took pleasure in the unfolding of a threesome dream come true in “Red Satin Ribbon” and the unexpected rendezvous in “Weightless.” Role reversal and crossdressing made “Romance and Drag” an intriguing and enjoyable read, while my domme fantasies were satisfied in “Making It Feel Right.” A perfect blend of romance and raunch, this book proved to be titillating and a continuous page turner."

In my opinion, Volume 3 is even hotter than Volumes 1 and 2 and is one of the best books I've edited. I try hard not to just put out variations of the same thing over and over, but to innovate and experiment and push my own boundaries and deliver stories that readers will treasure not just once, but again and again. I hope I've succeeded with this title. I took the feedback I've been getting on my titles and poured that into making this book one that you'll want to race through (or savor slowly). Where to buy the ebook:

Kindle

Nook

Google Play

iBooks

Kobo

Help me edit my next erotica anthology!

Right now I'm in the process of wrapping up the manuscript I'm submitting to my publisher, Cleis Press, for Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 (they have final approval over all stories), and then later this month I'll be issuing the call for submissions for Volume 4 (first to my newsletter subscribers, then everywhere else; if you're not a subscriber, you can get on the list on the left-hand side of this blog or at rachelkramerbussel.com). In the meantime, though, what would be very helpful is to know what those who've read Volume 1 or Volume 2 thought: the good, the bad, the ugly. Why? Because without readers, I wouldn't edit anthologies. The readers are the whole point, and the only way I really know which stories resonated and which didn't is from reader feedback.



The ideal way to let me know is by leaving a public review, which also lets other potential readers glean your opinion. You can leave a review of Volume 1 on Amazon or Goodreads and of Volume 2 on Amazon or Goodreads. You don't have to have bought the book on Amazon to leave a review there; you just need to have an Amazon account you've purchased from before. Now, when I say "help me edit," I don't mean I'm crowdsourcing which story to pick over another. I use my instinct and intuition and what I think makes for a good anthology to do that.

Rather, I like to know which stories resonated most with readers; which they liked, which they didn't, what they want to see more of, what they want to see less of. Yes, even reviews that praise some stories and savage others are helpful. Obviously, I'm a fan of all the stories I publish, but I do take into account the most liked and the least liked as I make decisions for future anthologies. Yet the only way I can know which ones are popular is from reader opinions, which helps guide me in my general selections. So if everyone loves the historical stories, I will consider adding more; if people want to see more femdom, or more queer stories, or more literary stories, or longer stories, or whatever it is, I want to take that into account when I make my selections. Right now, I'm only contracted to edit up to Volume 4, but my dream is to get to edit 10 volumes in the series and publish 200+ authors in the process, and your reviews help me with that goal because more reviews equals more discoverability equals more sales, equals I can make a better case for why I'm a kickass editor. When I say "make a better case" I mean both to my publisher and to myself. Plus it gives me more funds to pay authors (pay is going up to $200/story for Volume 4), organize events and generally spread the word about the series.

My goal with the series hasn't been just to throw any old books out into the world, but to learn as much myself about the anthology editing process as I can with each one, to better amplify the voices of my authors online and offline, and to bring these stories into the mainstream in every way I can. I would love to see more stores stocking erotica, like the 52 independent bookstores that have stocked Volume 2. I would like to see erotica treated as legitimately as any other genre. And I want to encourage women who might not think of themselves as "erotica writers" (or even "writers" necessarily) to submit work to the series. That's why I only allow authors who haven't been published in prior Best Women's Erotica of the Year books to submit work; I'm sure past authors have brilliant stories to tell, but my aim is to publish as many authors as I can. So your reviews also help me with that goal because the more readers who know about the series, the greater the pool of potential people who'll consider sending me their work.

I do my best to improve with each book, both with the breadth of stories, what I provide for my authors and how much I do to get the books out into the world. I'll soon be going into brainstorming mode for Volume 3 so I can have it make even more of a splash than 1 and 2, and then will be crafting Volume 4, so your feedback counts greatly. If you'd prefer to email me, you can at bweoftheyear@gmail.com - thank you! I truly appreciate everyone who's shared their thoughts.

For those who want a free sample of Volume 2, here's some ways to get a peek:

Listen to sexy San Francisco erotica story "Taste" by Jocelyn Bringas as read by Rose Caraway on her podcast The Kiss Me Quick's!



Read a free sample of lesbian BDSM erotica story "Wordless Surrender" by Janelle Reston.



Read an excerpt of kinky opera erotica story "Performance" by Jordan Monroe.

Thank you, Savannah and Washington, DC plus sexy shop photos from Lotus Blooms

I'll make this a brief thank you, since I'm heading on a train to New York, then running a few errands, then catching the bus to Atlantic City so I can spend my final night of my thirties at home and wake up on my birthday in the same place as my boyfriend. I've had an amazing trip, in two parts, Savannah and Washington, DC. I got to catch up with two of my closest friends, who I used to see all the time when we all lived in New York, eat wonderful food, explore a new city, and do a fabulous reading and teach a highly engaged workshop. All of that has energized me for the rest of my month, which includes teaching my Litreactor erotica writing class and launching Dirty Dates tomorrow. Many thanks to Nichelle Stephens for organizing Friday's reading and Lotus Blooms for booking last night's workshop.

Here's me at Back in the Day Bakery, which I highly recommend visiting if you're in Savannah.



And here's me outside the newly opened Lotus Blooms in Adams Morgan in Washington, DC, plus some photos inside the store. Great selection, and amazing shoes and corsets and other sexy clothing. And erotica and other sex related books, of course. Had a great meal at Libertine across the street, and my workshop was actually upstairs at The Black Squirrel, which was a wonderful space!




If this isn't erotica writing fodder, I don't know what is!












Last but not least: corsets! If you want a corset and are in the DC area, get yourself to Lotus Blooms.

Win a copy of my erotic romance anthology I Want You Bad

To celebrate it being November and as a thank you for reading my blog and my work, I'm hosting a giveaway this week on my Facebook page to win a copy of my Cleis Press erotic romance anthology I Want You Bad, which is a reissue of my previous book Obsessed (everything is the same except the cover and title). Just go there, comment on the photo of the cover of I Want You Bad with your email address (which you can post in the format myname at myprovider.com) by Thursday, November 5th at 11:59 p.m. EST and I'll select 10 winners on Friday morning. This is open to anyone with a U.S. mailing address; winners will get a print copy of the book sent to you by me via Amazon. To recap, the only way to enter is by commenting on this post on my Facebook page.

When the universe gives you a sign that you're on the right path, embrace it

Just about a year ago, I had a setback in my career that made me wonder if I was doing the right thing with my life. I was preparing to head out to Los Angeles, to write about Hello Kitty Con and teach an erotica writing class. About a week before the scheduled class, despite having been sent a contract, the organization that had booked me abruptly cancelled my workshop. They were the ones who approached me, and I had been counting on their fee to help cover some of my expenses.

I was shocked at this turn of events, appalled by the unprofessionalism of a group I had thought I could trust, but worst of all, it made me question my own instincts in terms of who I'd chosen to do business with and wonder if, since they'd cancelled because of low enrollment, I had a future in teaching erotica. Teaching had been one part of my creative business, alongside freelance writing, anthology editing and consulting, that I'd developed as part of my income stream, one that I'd been honing and improving at the more I did it. Last year, I also added an online teaching component via LitReactor.com, which opened up my teaching skills and breadth of my offerings. I had been feeling good about myself, and this utterly threw me for a loop.

After that LA fiasco, I had a choice to make: go big or go home. Well, I did literally go home to New Jersey, but figuratively, I decided to "go big," but in my own way. I realized I had to do better due diligence when it came to partnering with other businesses or groups, rather than simply relying on whether a group looked impressive based on what they said about themselves. I had to start getting contracts in place that I was willing to go to bat to enforce, and to take myself seriously as both a teacher and a businesswoman.

I also came to the realization that one failed event does not make me a failure, and doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. It means I'm growing and learning. It means I, like any small business, has ups and downs, and the downs are opportunities to assess where I've gone wrong and correct course, to figure out what to do differently next time.

2015 has been, far and away, what I'd consider the best year of my career. Yes, in 2014 I left a soulless job I despised to become a full-time magazine editor and became a columnist for a newspaper I'd read since my teen years, The Village Voice, thus leading me toward the career I have today, but I'd say 2015 tops that. I've written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, O, The Oprah Magazine and Marie Claire, and many other new to me publications, taught online and in person workshops and, as I prepare to enter my forties, am trying to figure out how I can top this year by going deeper into my passions next year.

The past few weeks have brought numerous signs from the universe that, unlike what I'd thought in my most pessimistic moments a year ago, I'm indeed supposed to be doing exactly what I'm doing. My job is not to second guess that I've found my groove, but to hone and refine it. One is a mere vague, wispy possibility, that if it comes to fruition, would be amazing, and if that happens, I will shout it from the rooftops.

As for the other: on Wednesday night, after an incredibly long day in Portland, Maine, where I'd written three articles and was utterly exhausted, I opened iTunes and found a new episode of my new podcast obsession, Raise Your Hand. Say Yes. by Tiffany Han, was ready for my ears. I was excited that a friend, Kate McCombs, was on to talk about pleasure. I Tweeted about how cool that was. Then, as I lay there listening, I heard her single out my erotica books for praise. I can't stress enough how thrilled that made me. It truly felt like some kind of divine sign, especially because I had a phone interview scheduled with Han the next day for an article I'm writing.



I'll be sharing more about my upcoming LitReactor class, and am planning a new slate of writing class offerings for 2016. Most of all, during the last few months of this year, I'll be assessing what's gone right and what's gone wrong, and working hard to embrace these signs and live up to their promise.

For more information about my next monthlong LitReactor class, which runs November 3-December 3, click here. And whatever your passion is, I hope you're out there making it happen, and looking for signs to help you along your path. Don't listen to the naysayers or believe that one blip is a reason to veer off course. Your job is to make your own course.



Rachel Kramer Bussel writes widely about sex, dating, books and pop culture. She's the author of Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays and edited of over 50 anthologies, including Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, among others. She Tweets @raquelita.

Goodbye, Philadelphia City Paper sex column, I've learned so much from writing you

Updated October 2Last September, I woke up on the Sunday morning of CatalystCon West to an email asking if I'd like to start writing a sex column for Philadelphia alternative weekly newspaper Philadelphia City Paper. It had been eight years since my Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice ended, and I was game. I've since written 51 columns, the latest on "Sexual Politics" and featuring a photo of Donald Trump, is my final column, and next week's, my 52nd, will be my last, because the paper is being shut down. As they wrote yesterday, in what had to be an almost impossibly tough news story to cover:

You may have read this afternoon that Philadelphia City Paper had been sold and would cease publication as of next Thursday, October 8.

This came as a surprise to us, too.

I want to thank Lilian Swanson for plucking me out of everyone else she could have chosen. Writing a weekly sex column was an incredible learning experience. You have to always be on top of your subjects and what's happening in the world in a way I had never been before. I got to see what it was like to have a column, and its subject, OrgasmQuest, go viral. I got to approach Valentine's Day from a polyamorous perspective on metamours. And so much more. Writing that column made me feel part of the writing world in a way I remembered from my Voice days, let me profile fascinating people and kept me on my toes. It let me feel part of a city where I don't live, but now live in its vicinity.

So what's next for me? I'm still writing my Shameless Sex column at DAME on everything from baby-making sex to questioning "orgasm equality" to sapiosexuals to being offered $3,500 for one night of sexual adventure, and looking for as much freelance writing as I can handle.

If you're an editor, I'd love to talk to you about contributing to your newspaper, magazine, website, etc., and can be reached at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com. I actually am looking for topics beyond sex, though of course I will always write about sex and dating, but I like to expand my beats of books, pop culture, body image, hoarding and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have several projects and essays I've been wanting to work on but haven't had the time, so I will be looking into those, and preparing to teach my next LitReactor online erotica writing class, which starts November 3rd, and prepping for the release of my 40th birthday and the anthology that publishes that day, Dirty Dates. So I have a lot on my plate, but will miss the challenge of this weekly column, and wish all the staff of Philadelphia City Paper the best.

The kind of book reviews that truly matter to me as an anthology editor

Firstly, I want to say that anyone who so much as picks up any of my books, whether you read the whole thing or not, let alone review it, get my automatic thanks. Out of the millions, possibly billions, of books out there, for someone to pick up my indie press erotica, whether in print, ebook or audiobook form, means so much to me. This is what I've been doing ever since I couldn't hack law school, and what I love about anthologies is that they are a group effort, organized by me as the editor. Without writers trusting me with their work, I'd just have a bunch of my own short stories, and I'm less interested in that than a work that is the sum of its parts.

That being said, when you put out a book, you have to be open to all sorts of opinions. Some people will hate your book, some people will love it. Some will mention aspects you never even considered, because you can't try to cater to every single potential reader and still turn in your book on time, or come out of the process wanting to do it again. With Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, I knew one of the main things I wanted to do with my 65,000 allotted words was include as many different "sex toys" as I could. I put that in quotes because some of the objects in the book would fall under the traditional definition of sex toys, and others wouldn't. That was quote deliberate.


via Bex Talks Sex

So I really loved that sex blogger Bex Talks Sex just reviewed Come Again and wrote, in part:

In fact, I was able to forget that the book was even focused on sex toys because of how flawlessly they were integrated into the narrative in most cases. It didn’t feel like the author was simply checking off activities on a list, the toys just felt like a part of the way the characters had sex, and that saved the whole anthology from feeling formulaic and repetitive.

This means so much to me because the first and foremost things I want my books to do is arouse readers, to tell good stories, to say something new and exciting. I am so proud of the authors for stepping up their game and doing that, at least, to my mind, so it's refreshing when readers key in on that aspect too.

One of the toughest parts of being an anthology editor, after the very toughest, which is having to send rejection letters, which, as I always say, is probably the aspect that will eventually make me quit, is that I don't know how my books are doing sales-wise for at least six months after their publication, due to the way my royalty statements arrive. So it's hard to know if anyone cares about my books, or if they have fallen into the book forest and no one has seen or cared about them. When I get signs before that time that people not only have picked them up, but do care, enough to critique them and share what they did and didn't like, it makes me feel like I've done my job well. So thank you, and to everyone who's reviewed the book. I plan to share more about it soon, specifically the many queer stories in the book, which I hope are being read by a diverse audience (I love surprising readers who may not be expecting it with elements that may be new to them, whether it's a thigh harness, such as in "Gift" by Dena Hankins, or a trans character, such as in Zee Giovanni's "Lost and Pounded"). But reviews like this let me know people are reading, and that people care about the choices I make as an editor.

Starred Library Journal review of Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica

Want to know how to make my day as an editor? Sing the praises of my book, including my authors, most of whom I've never published before (but hope to again)! Thank you, Library Journal, for this starred review of Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica. I'm eagerly awaiting more store names to add to the list of who stocks it, and this will help with convincing stores this is a hot and sexy book! I was right that a story from the point of view of a sex toy, "My Life as a Vibrator" by Livia Ellis, is a crowd pleaser, which I already knew, but it feels good to see that a top publication agrees with me.

Here's review, in text and jpeg form:

GROWN-UP FUN
Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica. Cleis. Apr. 2015. 240p. ed. by Rachel Kramer Bussel. ISBN 9781627781251. pap. $15.95; ebk. ISBN 9781627781350. EROTICA
Cleis here offers yet another inventive anthology, this time focused on the concept of sex toys. This collection runs the gamut within the first seven pages, with Jillian Boyd’s humorous, sweet “Dare You To,” wherein a soon-to-be-wed couple blow off marriage-planning stress with a series of escalatingly naughty dares. Some plots go according to plan, such as Zee Giovanni’s “Lost and Pounded” tale of a missing dog bringing two strangers together, while others have a touch of conflict; E. Bellamy’s “The Superman Dildo” tells of a jealous lover who struggles with his new girlfriend’s favored toy. A majority of the selections seem to involve heterosexual trysts, such as Malin James’s “The Prototype,” in which a young couple test out a new invention between the sheets, and J. Crichton’s “Icy Bed,” which is anything but cold, as a couple use a webcam and a few other handy tools to make the miles apart seem shorter. Things wrap up with Livia Ellis’s long-awaited anecdote “My Life as a Vibrator,” a playful exploration of pleasure from an unconventional perspective. VERDICT Though a broader depiction of diverse pairings and partners would have been appreciated, these quickies make excellent work of embodying the sexy, silly attitude that often accompanies creative toy use in the bedroom. Readers will have fun perusing for solo and partner play inspiration.

How to have the best date ever

Today marks the 6-month anniversary of my sex column Let's Get It On in Philadelphia City Paper with my best dates column, including my outing myself as a full-on nerd whose top dates included Boggle and going to the boardwalk. Thank you to my interviewees, Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman, authors of the new book 40 Days of Dating (pictured below) and Abiola Abrams, author of The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love.



It may be small in word count (it used to be around 700 words and is now 550 words) but I'd like to think it's mighty in content and reach; after all, one of its topics, OrgasmQuest, spawned tons of media, including its subject's appearance on Dr. Drew's TV show. To me that was a prime example of what I try to do with all my work: make it accessible to a wide range of people, not just those in the "sex world." I know it could end any moment now, so I am doing everything I can to make it interesting, timely and worth reading. I'm trying to apply that same attitude toward my life; if it ends tomorrow, I want to be proud of myself. I don't expect my column or my life to end tomorrow, but really, who knows about either?

If you want to see the column stick around for lots more months (and maybe even years!), please read it, like it at the top, Tweet it, spread the word. And I am always open to suggestions for future column topics (keep in mind my tiny word count!) at rachelkb at gmail dot com with "City Paper" in the subject line.

I think one of the key differences between writing this alt weekly column now and my old Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice from 2004-2007 is that I'm being told that my readership matters. I get told if a lot of people read it and if few people read it. Another key difference for me personally is not living in the city in which the print paper is published. I used to feel honored and uncomfortable in equal measures to be taking the L train home to Williamsburg, Brooklyn and see people reading my Voice column. That was a paper I grew up reading, back when it wasn't free; my friend would bring it back from Manhattan to our suburban New Jersey high school. Now, I live in suburban New Jersey and am quite a different creature than my 17-year-old self. The other difference, and probably the biggest one, is that this is weekly which means the day my new column comes out, I'm filing next week's. It's meant lots of planning ahead and at times has been a challenge, but a welcome one.

Dream achieved: My Yahoo Travel profile of a JetBlue superfan is up

A few years ago, I took a Mediabistro class on travel writing, and while the instructor was fascinating and wonderful, I left discouraged. I don't have what it takes, I concluded, and pretty much set that dream aside, even though I do love traveling and do it a fair amount for work-related events, and sometimes for fun. Today I achieved that dream by having my first article run at Yahoo Travel, about a JetBlue superfan who's taken more than 100 flights since April 2013 on a Ph.D. grad student budget. Travel has changed my life, so it was an honor to profile someone for whom the same can be said. It's also an interesting look at how a brand, in this case JetBlue, can best interact with its customers to make them loyal and also have fun with their Tweeting! I hope you'll check it out, and I hope that I continue to get to write about one of my favorite topics! Here's a snippet:

How did the airline win him over? The Boston College PhD student’s JetBlue obsession started by accident. He’d booked a trip to Hawaii with another airline, which bungled his reservation so badly he canceled it and rebooked on JetBlue. Then he took to Twitter. “I first discovered how different JetBlue was when I tweeted them and another airline due to some poor service I experienced,” Brown told Yahoo Travel. “The response was telling. The other airline’s tweet read like a machine-generated form letter. JetBlue’s tweet was personal, and they let me know they were ‘#superexcited’ to have me fly with them.”

And this right here is proof of what he is talking about, in response to my Tweet about the article:

In which I learn that living in a house doesn't mean you're rich

That's what I always thought growing up in an apartment. Now I live in a house, and here's my snow-covered swing and an essay all about it, including the vicious start to 2014 which led to the silver lining of moving into this cozy place that has skylights and a basement (!! after living in a Brooklyn apartment with no closets for 13 years, a basement deserves endless exclamation points), and the office where I'm now typing. My working title was "House Proud" but the title Thought Catalog went with was "How My First House Changed My Perspective Of Wealth And Contentment," which is also accurate.

The magical sex column that boosted my 2014

Sometimes freelancing, well, sucks. Day to day I vacillate on whether I know what I'm doing or should chuck it all in and try to look for a secure job, though who knows if any job is truly "secure" these days. Maybe not day to day, but this month that is accurate, and certainly not a month goes by when I don't wonder if I should be doing this, if I'm pulling my financial weight in my household, if I have what it takes to make a living at this (I believe in myself as a writer, but you have to write a ton and edit lots of maybe-they'll-sell-maybe-they-won't anthologies to make a living). So yes, I do find myself thinking jealously of my friends with steady jobs or other means of financial security. Then I remember that my #1 life goal right now is to be a work at home mom, and while it will be up to the universe whether I get to the mom part, it seems, the work at home part is up to me.

Mostly, what I've learned in the last 3 years as a full-time freelancer is that you never know what will happen, good or bad. Gigs magically arrive and are sometimes over before they even start. Sometimes the gig I'm excited about at first becomes arduous and next to impossible. I will be reading and following and trying to absorb by osmosis The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte so I can get my work life in line with what I want to be putting out into the world and what I'm good at. I will be focusing more on teaching erotica and sex writing in the new year, which is part of why I started my Erotica Writing Tip Tuesday posts. They're also, it should be clear, a reminder to me that I can do this writing thing, even when it's hard, even when I don't feel like I have a clear path, even amidst rejection.

All that is a way to preface one of the 3 giant career gifts I was given this year. I say "gifts" because that is how they each felt, even though they were gifts I've been working toward since leaving law school sans degree back in 1999. That is something that will forever hang over my head, but it was also a learning experience that taught me that even if you push yourself, sometimes a career path just isn't right, and something about this one is. Which is why when I woke up at CatalystCon in September to an email from the editor of Philadelphia City Paper asking me if I wanted to write a sex column for them, even though I'm actually a Jersey girl, felt like this wondrous gift. I've never had a steady weekly gig like this and sometimes that's a lot of pressure, but it also pushes me to seek out and find topics and events and people I wouldn't have otherwise. Another key difference aside from word count and timing from my Voice column is that I'm in a live-in monogamous going-on-three-years relationship. There's less to write about my own sex life than there was in my single days, and that's a good thing. I will probably always write about my life, but it will probably be more about me as a hoarder and a traveler and other aspects of me than just what I do in bed, though there are hints of it in the columns below, like when I prefer sex, what I wore for my first pegging, the joy of blowjobs and such.

I have no idea how long it will last, because you never do with these things, but my dream is to get to write a column a week for all of 2015, to stretch myself and grow and get sharper about writing to a relatively small word count, to showcase for myself and my readers about aspect of sex I/they hadn't thought of before. Bottom line: for however long this column lasts and my stint as a freelancer lasts, I will be grateful. I will also work harder to nurture and sustain my career so I can be the mashup writer/editor/teacher/speaker/blogger I am now.

So as the year wraps up with this final 2014 column, I wanted to say thank you to the paper, the universe and whatever other forces gave me this opportunity, and to highlight the columns I've written so far. In chronological order from the first one to this week's, here are my City Paper sex columns:

"Are you a slut?"

"Why Sex Ed Weeks on campus make sense"

"It's Sex O'Clock, time for a weekend romp"

"No topic's taboo at this Philly Erotic Literary Salon"

"Best-selling sex toys for couples of all kinds"

"Pegging for the first time"

"When it comes to sex, don't tell me where to get pleasure"

"Saying thanks for the sex lessons over the years"

"How to talk dirty without sounding cheesy"

"Niche porn films face censorship fight in Britain"

"With personal lube, slippery when wet"

"Meet a happy 29-year-old virgin"

Thanksgiving sex I'm thankful for

This week's sex column is all about sex and gratitude and Thanksgiving. With a smidge of politics:

Firstly, I'm grateful to live in a country where homosexuality and abortion are legally protected — for now — and to have received decent, though not perfect, sex education.

Now, for the personal blessings. Unlike the Duggar family of reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting, I don't believe saving sex for marriage is the key to happiness. Instead, I'm convinced all my previous hookups, dates and relationships have shaped me into who I am today. They weren't all positive, but they did each teach me valuable lessons.

I'm truly grateful that while attending CatalystCon I got one of those magic career-boosting emails asking me to write this column, which in turn has brought me to Philadelphia a few times and given me the chance to explore a city that's so near and yet so far (about an hour and fifteen minutes by car, or, for this non-driver, four hours by public transportation).

So much of my sex writing career has happened that way, though in 2015, I plan to set goals and push myself to pursue new opportunities, including writing, editing and teaching, but this year, many of them came to me. I've learned that you never know how long a column will last, so as I cook up new hot topics (and welcome your suggestions at rachelkb at gmail.com with "City Paper" in the subject line), I'm grateful for it in the here and now, however long it lasts. Writing a weekly column requires a lot of planning as well as being able to respond to the news as it happens, and that's something I look forward to doing into the new year.

Free audio erotica and major gratitude to the most excellent Rose Caraway

I'm feeling very lucky these days. Why? Because Rose Caraway is not only a narrator extraordinaire, but I have much to learn from her about how to self promote in a way that gets results! She has been posting away free audio excerpts from the Audible audiobook version of Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex - follow her @RoseCaraway on Twitter to keep up. And check out these great images she made! I love that. I also love that you can listen to "Laugh" by Sommer Marsden free. There may not be a free lunch but there is free audio erotica! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Rose, and thank you, Audible, for widening the audience for my books. It still feels pretty amazing to get checks in the mail from them through their Author Services program (it's free money and if your books are on Audible, you should sign up) for doing absolutely nothing, but then I remember that my job is to write and edit erotica, and that is what I'm focused on (speaking of which, there's been extremely few submissions for my 2 open anthologies, which means these books are wide open as of now!). Anyway, I feel blessed and lucky and grateful, and am working on deserving that by getting back to writing, fiction and nonfiction, in a way I haven't in longer than I can remember. If I succeed, I'll post about anything available to be read. If I fail, I will keep on trying. That's the way this wacky business goes, right?






my books are in great company!

Thank you, Kelly Writers House!

I'm in the midst of so many projects my to do lists have to do lists, but this week I got to teach an incredible erotic writing workshop at Kelly Writers House at the University of Pennsylvania, and I was so impressed with the students. It reinvigorated my love of writing erotica and made me remember when I was a fumbling, misplaced NYU law student discovering the world of sex-positive feminism and arranged for Lisa Palac to come to campus. I get so angry with myself so often for not writing, for having the idea and maybe getting a thousand or two or three words into a story and then putting it down, for not following my dreams, for assuming there is always something better/smarter/more competent out there, rather than going for broke, and if ever there was a time to just go for it, now is it. So I'm very grateful for these students for reminding me that I have something to say and that my mind is still full of ideas, as long as I sit down, for hours or days or weeks or months or years, tuning everything else out, and Do The Work. I hope I will soon have a book of short stories to share with you! But I also know that "hope" is probably the dumbest word to ever pair with writing. I will or I won't. I'll post here either way.

Book review gratitude and inspiration: Best Bondage Erotica 2012 and Only You: Erotic Romance for Women

Sometimes I need a little good news to push me through the tough editorial times, though I'm thankful for a few days in snowy New York to get my bearings, clean/unearth/declutter, catch up on old stories and brainstorm new ones (and browse my favorite fashion sites with the excuse of incorporating them) and file the last two books I'm contracted to do (I hope there will be more at some point, but I'm trying this radical new thing of not to get too crazily ahead of myself, lest I trip and ruin myself for the now, as I've done, oh, several hundred times before), my true sex essay anthology and my book of erotic short stories, both for Cleis Press. Here are two reviews from places I hold in high esteem: Good Vibrations and Publishers Weekly (perhaps a first for me, or if not, a rarity, so I feel special and bigtime), respectively.


Best Bondage Erotica 2012

reviewed at Good Vibrations (click to read the whole review, with shoutouts to "A Night at the Opera" by Elizabeth Coldwell, "Knot Alone" by Kathleen Tudor and "Laced" by Elizabeth Silver):

The stories in this collection balance the swirling apprehension, arousal and curiosity about one’s own limits that makes BDSM so thrilling and sexy. ...For kinksters who are new to erotica, or simply just want a new collection to peruse for ideas and stimulation, Best Bondage Erotica 2012 is a handy way of exploring fantasy and sexuality through literature. Use it to brainstorm new ideas, provoke conversations with your partners, or simply read it as a bedtime story that will do anything but put you to sleep. Your mind can paint a picture of submission, one sketched by the writers in this collection and fleshed out fully by the reader – you.

Order Best Bondage Erotica 2012 from:

Amazon

Kindle ebook

Barnes & Noble

Nook ebook

Powell's

IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)

Books-a-Million

Cleis Press


Only You: Erotic Romance for Women

reviewed by Publishers Weekly

Bussel (Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples) has assembled a solid collection of 20 sexy, romantic tales featuring male/female couples at different stages of their relationships, all taking different, intriguing routes to their happy endings. Issue-driven stories are some of the hottest and most thought-provoking. A woman’s waning physical desire is renewed when her husband unexpectedly spanks her in Giselle Renarde’s “Forgotten Bodies.” A couple embrace the anger inextricable from their sex life in Kristina Wright’s “The Love We Make.” A woman who thinks her vulva is ugly meets a man who finds it incredibly sexy in K D Grace’s “Unfolding.” Thirtyish Ruthie falls for Sol, who’s 75, in Anna Watson’s “September Song.” Other standouts introduce sexy politicians (Kate Dominic’s “Republicans Don’t Like”), the parents of triplets (Lolita Lopez’s “Mom’s Night Out”), and a middle-aged woman who deflowers her younger lover (Bussel’s own “For the Very First Time”). The couples are not terribly diverse in race, class, or culture, but their stories are otherwise wide-ranging enough to have fairly broad appeal.

November gratitutde

I have a lot to be grateful for, like amazing friends, exciting news that actually made me tear up last night, these fishnets from Gigi K that for some reason I'm only now wearing for the first time, and a sexy cooking date with my man tonight which I also get to write about! My friend took a photo of me last night talking on the phone because I looked so happy, and that said a lot to me. More on what we cooked tomorrow. For some cute food photos, check out my daily Movember moustache cupcake posts.

5 things I'm extremely grateful for this week

It's been a long week, and I'm now at JFK waiting for my flight to Houston, where I am going to hang out with two of my favorite kids, a friend, and relax before I head to Austin for a few days. I have lots to think about and consider that is not so great, but much to be grateful for. Chief among them (in chronological order):

1. My friend Hitha taking me as her guest to supper club City Grit, where we dined on all sorts of aphrodisiacs and had great conversation. Our chef was Sarah Simmons, who has caused a bit of political uproar with this Tweet about voting for Obama.


as seen in the women's bathroom at 38 Prince Street, NYC

2. My amazing boyfriend surprising me with a staycation at the Gansevoort Park Hotel - that might be my favorite date ever of ours, and we both needed a little luxury and indulgence.


in our room at the Gansevoort Park

3. Our delicious dinner at Resto - we'd done the lamb feast there and apparently that made my man kindof a rock star. The service was exellent and the kale salad is worth going there to eat on its own. Also: french fries, and from 5-6 during the week they are free with drinks during happy hour!

4. I bought a piece of art by Chris Uphues, who was showing at my favorite coffeeshop, Gimme Coffee. I actually thought I was getting a different heart but I adore this one and plan to buy his t-shirts as holiday gifts!


art by Chris Uphues

5. Texas! I'm off to Houston, followed by Austin, to visit old and new friends, eat cupcakes, explore, speak at the Texas Book Festival, interview Zane, and enjoy myself. I am excited to be in the sun and relax and play with adorable kids and read as many of the books I've packed as I can and hope my writing brain is inspired by it all.

Daily gratitude: This, Hawaiian edition

Crossposting from my Tumblr, where I try for daily gratitude, along with one of my favorites of the hundreds of photos I've taken here in Hawaii, of Waikiki Beach at sunset. I plan to come back in November for my birthday, if not sooner. This has been a beautiful, much-needed vacation.



Daily gratitude: This

Just this feeling of total serenity I’ve had here. Not every second but for the most part I tapped in to enjoying this island and my time, whether I was soaking my feet in a hot tub, watching the sunset, eating cupcakes or an amazing acai bowl, or delicious food cart snacks, having my photo taken with a topless male model, seeing a bacon cupcake underarm tattoo, in a car going zero to sixty, on the beach, at the mall, drinking coffee, reading, walking or geeking out over cacti or adorable children or the sun like I’d never seen any of them before. It feels like it’s been much longer than a week and I’d easily extend another week if I could. I mean, the worst things that happened were having my bank card blocked by a fraud attempt and seeing a “Romney - Believe in America” sign (wtf? I sure as hell believe in my fucking country).

My upcoming week, which involves a friend’s theater show, a hot date, saying goodbye to some of mg favorite New Yorkers before they move, speaking in Milwaukee and at Northwestern, being on live TV, digging in to a fun new assignment where I get to hear about other people’s sexcapades and break into a new print venue, is all great, but feels so far away. Heady but intimidating, and I’m not quite ready for anything remotely approaching intimidating just yet. I want to take as much of the spirit of this trip home with me. I can’t be the girl I was in January, the instantly reactive, out of control childish person I was starting to become. Maybe I needed to shock my system to shake it up, and I certainly needed to escape my claustrophobic city. But now I need to learn to live there, with all my and its imperfections and memories and blessings. Because more than anything I feel blessed to have had this week, to remember my strengths, to be reminded that I don’t have to go out of my way to impress people, just be open. So while I’m leaving Hawaii tonight, I hope it’s not leaving me, and not just because I’m bringing my comfy slippers (one of my vocabulary lessons - slippers, not flip flops) back to Brooklyn. And I already have an inkling of coming back for my birthday. But one day at a time. Actually, one moment.

Big in Canada: Globe and Mail article on me

Check out this great article about me, "Forget porn, gimme my smut" in today's Globe and Mail. Thanks so much to everyone who made that happen!


photo by Jennifer Roberts for The Globe and Mail