New at Forbes: Why this book dedication is going viral

The humorous dedication in Ben Philippe's debut novel, The Field Guide to the North American Teenager, is going viral. Why? Find out in my latest article at Forbes online.

My two paying calls for submissions and why perfect grammar is so important

If you want to head directly to my two Cleis Press calls for submissions, visit Erotic Teasers (October 1, 2017 deadline, pays $100/story) and Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 4 (November 1, 2017 deadline, pays $200/story).

I'm looking forward to October and November, when I'll be selecting the stories I want to include in those manuscripts (then my publisher has final approval, which can take several months; see my post about the timing of the publishing process here), doing so earlier than I have in the past so I can put every ounce of my creative energy into promoting my back-to-back releases, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 and The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2. Having two books come out in two months is not for the faint of heart, and to be honest, I'm not sure if I can handle it, and most of my time and money will have to go into BWE because that's the more popular type of book, but I will do my best to make both big sellers because I owe that to myself, my business, my publisher and my authors.

Right now I'm doing my second least favorite task that comes with the job of anthology editing: copyedits. Even though a large part of my 7.5 year full time magazine editing job involved copyediting, and I do a lot of it in my current copywriting job, being in charge of the words of other authors' is not a responsibility I take lightly. I live in fear that one of their edits won't make it into the final book, and I will look like the worst editor who ever lived. Okay, that's hyperbole, but I have an all or nothing brain and if that were to happen, no matter how proud I am of the rest of my book, I would feel awful, because once a book's in print, it's in stores and that's it.

So I've actually been dragging my feet on putting together the edits of the copyeditor I hired (something I wish I'd done for all my books and well worth every penny) and the ones my authors sent me. Then my publisher incorporates those edits into the manuscript before galleys and final books get printed.

The part about me being beyond nervous is my own issue to deal with, though trust me, if I ever quit anthology editing, I will not miss waking up in a panic with worry about this, or holding my breath when I send books out to authors, hoping their story has come out perfect.

That brings me to my calls listed above and why they're so detailed. Some of that is because I often receive an influx of stories that are similar either in setup or subject, which means I can't use them all in my books, because the two biggest things I provide to my readers is variety and sexiness. That's not something I can predict when writing a call, so I try to emphasize creativity and uniqueness.

But what I do emphasize in my calls, or at least, what I hope I impress upon those who might submit, is the importance of perfect grammar and proofreading. You might think, But Rachel, aren't you going to edit the story, and then two copyeditors as well? Yes, I am and they are, but here's the thing: If a story comes in that is riddled with grammatical errors, that vastly increases the likelihood that out of the four people proofing it (author, anthology editor and two copyeditors), someone will miss some of them. Who loses out? Well, everyone. The reader, first and foremost, because they will be distracted when reading your story. I know this as a reader who got distracted several times recently reading a novel I otherwise enjoyed. My publisher will lose out because their reputation will go down in the eyes of that reader. I will lose out for the same reason, and that directly impacts my income and potential opportunities to edit more books. And it impacts the author, because I don't think anyone out there wants their name next to words that are less than the very best they can be.

So while I accept complete and total responsibility for any errors that wind up in my final books, I do tend to gravitate toward submissions whose writing I enjoy that are grammatically correct and typo free, because I know that they will improve the quality of my anthology. Also, the above is the process with my anthologies, but if you are submitting your work other places, or self-publishing, there may be fewer people going over your words, so the onus is on you to make them readable. Ultimately, that's, to my mind, the whole point of grammar: to make words more readable, to make them flow better, to make the reader's job easier so they can enjoy the story more. Now I must return to doing that very thing, and then crossing my fingers and hoping with all my might that I've done my job well.

Paying markets: My new Cleis Press anthology calls for Erotic Teasers and Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 4

I'm editing two new anthologies for Cleis Press - links below. As I blogged about recently, the calls are long, and may get tweaked as time goes on at the URLs below, but I did my best to answer any and every question an author might have, including listing the exact contract terms you'd be asked to sign. As should be crystal clear, I don't want sloppy first drafts, I won't read any unrequested revisions and I want your very best, hottest work. Keep in mind that I generally can only accept less than 10% of the submissions I receive, so make yours brilliant, unique and outstanding! Happy writing! And if you do have questions, direct them to the email address listed at the bottom of the relevant call.

Erotic Teasers - pays $100, October 1 deadline

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 4 - pays $200, November 1 deadline

Free wine tonight at our Galentine's Day Best Women's Erotica panel at Jersey City bookstore WORD

Yes, I meant to post this earlier, but if you're in or near Jersey City (or want to pass this on to anyone who is), join us tonight for free wine (how many readings can boast that?) plus real talk about erotica writing, what I look for from anthologies, our inspiration for fiction and much more, and a raffle prize from Brooklyn sex toy store Shag featuring a mini massage candle, clothespins for sensation play, coffee mug, store coupon and more! Plus they have a cafe so you can buy a hot (or cold) beverage. And books, of course!

WORD is at 123 Newark Avenue across the street from the Grove Street PATH Station, so easy to access from Manhattan too. Can't make it? Get to WORD for a signed copy of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2, which makes a great Valentine's Day or any time gift! I'll be reveling in my Jersey girl pride in my NJ Maya Brenner gold necklace. In all my years of doing readings, I've never done one in my home state so I'm especially excited! Thank you to The Hudson Reporter for covering tonight's event.

February 13, 7:30 pm
Galentine’s Day women, erotica and writing panel
Join editor Best Women's Erotica of the Year series editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and BWE Volume 2 contributors Abigail Ekue, Stella Watts Kelley, Vierra Lai, and Annabeth Leong for a fun Galentine's Day panel on erotica, writing and culture. We'll chat about what makes a story sexy, the writing process, how to get published, and the cultural impact of writing stories that reflect a wide range of women's experiences. Free. Wheelchair accessible.
WORD, 123 Newark Avenue, Jersey City, NJ, 201-763-6611
Facebook event page

15 erotica authors share their fiction inspiration

Over on the Best Women's Erotica of the Year Tumblr, I've had the pleasure of interviewing 15 (so far) of the contributors to BWE of the Year, Volume 2, about their erotica history, writing process, inspiration for their stories, favorite lines and future plans. I wanted to share those interviews and some fabulous quotes with you as I listen to the rain while waiting to take Amtrak to Baltimore for the next stop on the book tour. And more interviews are scheduled through March so keep reading our Tumblr and following us @BWEoftheyear on Twitter.

I'll conclude by giving you easy ways to read or listen to the book, and I encourage you to also ask for it at your local library (yes, it may be nerve-wracking to ask for a sexy book, but they're librarians, they've heard all sorts of requests and if they are at all good at their job, they won't judge you, but will be happy to help their users) or bookstore.

I'm starting with the authors you'll hear at our book events and including the cities where you can hear them (Abigail Ekue can't make our Baltimore reading due to weather, but you can catch her in New York and Jersey City).

Jordan Monroe, "Performance" (Baltimore)



Abigail Ekue, "Cigarro Tarde" (New York, Jersey City)



Stella Watts Kelley, "Teacher Appreciation" (New York, Jersey City)



Vierra Lai, "A Hint of Lime" (New York, Jersey City)



Annabeth Leong, "On Some Maps, But Not on Others" (New York, Jersey City)



Melina Greenport, "The House on Orchard"



Jocelyn Bringas, "Taste"



Kristy Harding, "Another Way to Start a Fire"



Kate Sebastian, "On the Calendar"



Corrine A. Silver, "Her Best"



Dorianne, "Like Lights in the Northern Sky"



Garnell Wallace, "Beautiful Broken Things"



Winter Blair, "At the End of the World"



Kay Jaybee, "Brick Dust"



Josie Jordan, "Volcano Nights"



And of course, please read or listen to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 for these authors' stories in all their full glory:

Amazon (print)

Kindle (ebook)

Bn.com (print)

Nook (ebook)

Powells

Books-a-Million

IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)

Audible audiobook

Google Play

iBooks

Amazon UK (print)

Amazon UK (Kindle)

Amazon Canada (print)

Amazon Canada (Kindle)

How Nick Carter of The Backstreet Boys inspired a Best Women's Erotica of the Year Volume 2 story

Who knew that boy band fandom could lead to getting published? Read on...Part of why I've done so many author interviews in my career is that when I finish reading a book (or a short story or an essay), if it moved me, I have questions. That's why I've been asking the contributors to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2, all about their writing process and fiction inspiration over on the book's Tumblr.

This week's interview is with Jocelyn Bringas, author of the story "Taste," and she told me that the photo below of Nick Carter of The Backstreet Boys was the genesis of her story! How cool is that?

All dressed up.

A photo posted by Nick Carter (@nickcarter) on Mar 27, 2013 at 8:01pm PDT

You can read all about this sexy tale in our interview. The story itself starts out like this:

The cool San Francisco air was refreshing on my skin after being stuck behind a stuffy cubicle for eight hours. I was following my routine of walking to the underground Embarcadero BART station to take my evening train ride home. When I reached Market Street and Drumm, I stood on the crowded sidewalk and waited for the signal to walk across the street.

“I wonder if you taste as good as you look.”

I hope you will join us Tuesday, January 31st at 7:30 p.m., where she will read from "Taste" live at Skylight Books at 1818 North Vermont Avenue in Los Angeles, and probably give us a little more juicy insight! On a totally superficial note, I got a new dress for the occasion and can't wait to kick off this book tour and finally meet Jocelyn, who I published years ago in my anthology Yes, Sir. I follow most of my authors on social media and feel like I somewhat know them, but it's different from getting to see them in person, and hear the way they personally tell the story they created. That is an incredible feeling and something I wish I could do with all my authors.



Even if you're not in LA, I would love it if you'd help spread the word. Here's the Facebook event page, and of course, we'll have photos and maybe even some video snippets, so stay tuned to the book's Twitter and Instagram accounts. We may even try doing a Facebook Live!

And through this Sunday, June 15th, I'm giving away 10 free copies of the audiobook over on Facebook, so enter the giveaway if you want to hear Rose Caraway narrate all 21 stories.

Free read: Excerpt from debut erotic novel The Assignment by Jade A. Waters

I'm thrilled to be part of the blog tour for the debut novel by Jade A. Waters, The Assignment, part of her Lessons in Control series, which is out today as an ebook from Carina Press. I've been following her erotica writing since I published her story "The Flogger" in my anthology The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories in 2013, and she's gone on to publish incredibly arousing and exciting pieces of short fiction, and today she makes her mark on the world as a novelist. Whether or not you've read Jade's writing before, if you like erotica, you'll want to check out her sexy new novel. And newbie and aspiring erotica writers, if you are looking for a career model to follow, you should definitely check out Jade's website and publishing credits to see how she's systematically built up her following step by step with a gorgeous website (I truly wish mine looked one tenth as fabulous).

Below you'll find a note from Jade and a very sexy excerpt from The Assignment. You can read the whole book in your preferred ebook format: Kindle US, Nook, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and Kindle UK. I am a huge fan of Jade's writing and found her novel incredibly sexy and if you like erotic novels, you'll want to devour this one and then eagerly wait for the next installment, The Discipline, out in March 2017. Oh, and if you want to meet Jade in person and hear her read a sexy story (or know anyone who does), please join us in Los Angeles on January 31st at 7:30 p.m. at Skylight Books where she'll be part of our Best Women's Erotica of the Year reading. There will be a Q&A after so you can ask her all about her new book!





Tell Me…In Public
by Jade A. Waters

There’s something about sex in public…having it, fantasizing about it, viewing it. The kink has been a turn on for me most of my life, which is probably why I often love writing it into stories. It has multiple levels of appeal: the risk of getting caught, the thrill of being seen, and of being so turned on with your partner that you simply cannot wait for a more private, secluded place.

In The Assignment, Maya and Dean thrive on wild adventures and new experiences. Their entire dynamic is built not just on Dean issuing Maya assignments to carry out, but the two of them expressing their every desire and exploring their deepest, darkest fantasies. That’s why I’ve chosen the following excerpt in honor of release day today. This scene takes place after Maya and Dean have sought out a few thrills already, so they’re growing more comfortable in their exploration together—but this moment is significant because it’s the start of Maya revealing some of her unspoken fantasies. Turns out, her craving for the exchange of words is almost as enticing as sharing them in one tempting, public moment…

An Excerpt From The Assignment:

There were at least forty people in the bar, their voices filling my ears, an audience of potential voyeurs Dean led me through on the way out to the patio deck with tables and chairs scattered everywhere.

“This is crazy—”

“It isn’t.”

He walked me to the deck rail, the moonlight glowing over the water and the waves rolling sensually under its brightness. Dean surrounded me with his body, closing his forearms around mine as we inhaled the salty ocean air.

“Just watch the waves.”

My breathing quickened, and my neck grew hot. We’d positioned ourselves on the right side of the deck, and I glanced over to see who else stood outside. Three parties occupied the left end—one was a couple, their bodies close as they talked over wine and beer, the other a trio of friends, and the last a single man who’d exited the bar after us. He perched himself against the rail like we were, his drink in hand.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” Dean kissed my cheek, and goose bumps covered my skin. The view in front of me was astounding.

“Yes.”

He shoved me tighter against the railing with the pressure of his pelvis on my ass. “Can you feel me?” I nodded. He felt impossibly hard through the thin fabric of my skirt.

“Can I tell you what I’d like to do to you?”

I loved when he did this, verbalizing what he wished with me. I pinched my eyes shut and inhaled the salt of the water undulating beneath us in loud crashes and the cooler coastal air embracing us there on the deck. “Yes, please,” I said.

Dean hesitated, his mouth hot on my ear. But when he spoke, every cell in my body responded. “I’d start by lifting your skirt, exposing your ass to everyone here. I’d want to give them a view of the curves of your body, and have you bend forward so they can see how wet I bet you are.”

“Oh my God,” I muttered, flexing my ass. As if that motion could quell the excitement that shot through me.

Dean hooked his hands around mine and pinned my palms flat on the rail. “Because I saw how much you jumped the time I did it, I’d have to smack your ass for everyone to see.”

My breath heaved. He dipped down and arched his hips, his cock probing and thick. The movement trapped the fabric of my skirt in the crease of my ass.

“Touch me,” I said. A small part of me didn’t want to be caught, but already, he was driving me wild, making me crave whatever came next no matter who could see.

“Not yet.” Dean swayed and nibbled on my earlobe. “I have to finish telling you what I’d want with you. What I’ll demand of you one day.”

I curled my fingertips around the rail. He had me spinning. Would he make me come with his words alone? “How do you feel?”

I exhaled. “Crazed.”

Dean snickered. “Desperate?”

“Yes.”

“That’s how I want you.”

He released one of my hands and trailed his fingers down my side to grasp my hip before starting to pull the fabric up tantalizingly, painfully slow. I panted, wondering if behind him anyone could tell he’d lifted half my skirt up over my ass, but my groin contracted hard enough that I didn’t care.

“So you’d be wet and exposed,” Dean said. He snuck a finger over my ass, then back over my hip and between my thighs. “You’d be panting, like you are now. Waiting to be filled.”

I closed my eyes. The waves rolled in front of us, the ocean mist lapping at my skin like Dean’s words licked at my desire.

“And I would fuck you like that. Shove myself so deep you’d scream.” Dean plunged a finger all the way in, fanning the rest of his hand over my sex. He nibbled the side of my neck.

“Dean, please,” I breathed.

“Do you want another finger?”

I bobbed my head.

“No, naughty. I want you aching.” He fingered the sensitive spot on the front of my passage, and I ground down on him, craving more pressure, more fingers he wouldn’t give.

I whimpered. “You’re a tease.”

Dean continued thrusting inside me, his other fingers latching onto my pelvis. “I bet you’d come even harder in front of other people. You’ve already shown me you like the embarrassment. The slight hint of shame.”

His words rattled my senses.

“Would you want others to touch you, too?”

I pictured Dean fucking me, his grunts loud while other hands touched my arms, breasts and thighs. A ripple of curiosity tripped through me, the vision enticing and bold. So wild. My face grew hot.

“I don’t know—”

“Tell me. It’s okay.” Dean pushed harder, the railing compressing my stomach and trapping me in his hold.

“Maybe,” I said.

“I love it when you’re open with me.” He slid another finger in, working both of them until I weakened in his arms. I could hear the slick of his fingers between the periodic sweep of the waves, and it made my cheeks burn hotter. “I want to please you in so many ways.”

My knees threatened to give under me, but I wouldn’t fall—not pressed along the rail like I was.

“I’m going to tell you something that might surprise you.”

I dug my nails into the railing.

“We’re being watched.”

Read all of The Assignment by downloading it today and check out the rest of the book tour via Jade's blog.

My best writing advice for publishing in anthologies

It's been a whirlwind month, with my recent amazing vacation to Pittsburgh and then back to juggling my two part-time jobs, finalizing Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 and booking tour dates (more to come, but we'll be at Skylight Books in Los Angeles January 31st at 7:30 pm!) and working on some new articles. So I'll just share my recent Lady Smut post on how to get published in anthologies, offering my top five pieces of writing advice if you're looking for a byline. And a reminder: I have two current Cleis Press calls for submissions and need many more stories to consider: Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 and The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2.

Why I want 500 submissions to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3

The deadline to submit short stories to my Cleis Press anthology Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 is December 1st, exactly five months away, which means my goal is to get an average of 100 submissions per month between now and then. Why 500? Well, for the first two volumes, I got around 200 submissions for each one, and while I had plenty to choose from, as an anthology editor, more is more. My duty to my readers, in my opinion, is to provide them variety, both within each volume and in the series, and to my mind, the best way to do that is to have a huge range of authors and stories to choose from.

So I decided to set my goal of getting 500 submissions to the book. Now, this does mean that the most horrible part of my job as an editor, sending rejection letters, will also be greatly increased, but I am okay with that because I know that by doing more outreach than I have in the past, so that more authors see my call and, hopefully, submit, I am best serving my readers. I want to find the stories that come from authors who might not have ever considered themselves erotica writers, but had that one amazing idea floating around in their head. I want to see more submissions starring transgender women as protagonists. I want to see more relationships about people 50 and over. I want to see, in a word, more. I could give you a laundry list of what I'd like to see in December when I sit down to sort through submissions, but the truth is, what I love most about issuing a call for submissions is seeing what comes in that I love but didn't know I would.

This series doesn't have a theme per se, but each anthology seems to wind up coming together with some sort of through line. The unofficial theme of Volume 2, as you will see when it pubs in December, is travel. That wasn't something I listed in my call but it wound its way into many of the stories in the book and I appreciate that each author tackled it so differently.

So my favor to ask of you is: if you know someone who might be a good fit to submit a short story to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3, please pass along the call for submissions. I'm aiming to spread the word as far and wide as I can now to give authors the most time possible to write. I'm sure I will still get emails on December 2 saying "I just heard about this call..." and I'll have to say "Check back again next year," but in the meantime, I am doing my best to reach my 500 story submissions goal so I have a giant, sexy pile of stories to consider.

Weekend writing inspiration from me

I'm thrilled to report that my latest LitReactor writing class, which began this week, sold out - thank you for spreading the word if you did, or just reading my posts about it. I'll share when I'm teaching there again in 2017; I have a lot on my plate the rest of the year and won't have the time to devote to it again in 2016, but I'm cooking up other offerings and also do private erotica writing consulting. One of the most interesting things is hearing about how those in the class came to hear about it and decided to sign up. That's private, but for me it's always eye-opening, when someone takes that leap and opts to devote themselves to whatever it is they're passionate about.

I'm working on assorted essays and articles and pitches that I'm excited about and have been delving into some new arenas, including some much more lighthearted blogging over at the newly launched OMJ.com, which is all about New Jersey celebrities, culture, events, entertainment, beauty and fashion. If you think that might be up your alley, check it out. Thing I most enjoyed working on: posting a video of Snooki doing pushups with her 3-year-old son. I also got a crash course in using Wordpress and am feeling like I did back when I started blogging for the first time on Tripod back in 1997 or so.

But what I really wanted to share was my latest Lady Smut post, entitled "Please keep writing, because the world wants your sexy words". I had another subject in mind, but this felt more urgent. I've also struggled over writing a mission statement, because it's felt pretentious and daunting, so I managed to settle on this, which I put on my Amazon profile: "My mission is to tell powerful stories and encourage others to get their words on the page and into the world." That's simple but something I really strive to accomplish, whether I'm writing an essay, a fiction story, interviewing someone or anything else.

I'll leave you with a shot of me signing my books at BEA, which was a whirlwind to do in one day and not something I recommend (although three full days is a lot too!). I had a great time and returned really energized and excited about books and book people and my upcoming titles. I hope you'll read the Lady Smut post, or bookmark it for a time when you need a little boost of inspiration.

On stepping out of my literary comfort zone

Last week, while battling a head cold, I also ventured into new professional territory: copywriting and entertainment blogging (for a retail business and a soon to launch site, respectively). And let me tell you, I was nervous. I have found over the last four and a half years of supporting myself as a freelance writer/editor/teacher/consultant that, even though every day is different, I can easily get into a rut. The status quo can seem like the only option because it's hard to imagine someone taking a chance on me in a new field when they could just as easily hire someone who's been doing it for years.

Both of those small gigs came about by referrals from friends, and I'm not sure if either will pan out into something larger. But whether they do or not, I'm grateful for them because they forced me to revisit all the other times I felt confused and uncertain about the work I was doing. Trust me, the first day, first month and many of the months that followed as I learned all the intricacies of copyediting marks as an editor at Penthouse Variations, I was baffled as to how it all came so easily to my coworkers. It was like learning a new language, but somehow, doing it every single day, I learned that language so well that now my mind can't help but copyedited everything I see, whether it's a sign on an office wall or the website a new friend is showing me or random billboards.

I felt the same way when I taught my first LitReactor writing class, that panicky feeling of everyone's-going-to-know-I'm-totally-winging-this. I would not say I in any way enjoy that sensation, those thoughts looping through my mind of how-the-hell-do-I-approach this? In both cases last week, I had moments of wondering if I should simply give up and say that I wasn't the right person for the job. In the past, I have given up when I couldn't get past that negative feedback loop, and in all those cases, it's haunted me ever since.

But this time, I didn't give up. I let myself acknowledge that my work wasn't perfect, that I'm a beginner, no matter how much other writing I've done, and I have to embrace that fact. I reminded myself that if they didn't like it, they could edit or tweak my work, or kick it back to me. I thought about all the times I've been edited heavily, all those notes that often on initial receipt feel overwhelming but ultimately produce work that's both stronger and more in line with what my editor is looking for.

I also thought about how many of my LitReactor students have posted some variation of "I've never thought about writing erotica before." That always blows my mind, because I went into teaching that class assuming that anyone shelling out a significant sum would have their mind set on becoming a professional erotica writer. Some students are, but others are simply open to trying something new, ready to take a chance, even if they don't know the outcome. I want to emulate that sense of literary risk-taking.

I am proud of myself for being able to say yes to something new, although it's far more challenging than staying with what I know, and hope that the future brings more newness, even if it comes with a steep learning curve. Coming out on the other side of that learning curve makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to.

I want you to write your book and get all the readers you can, especially if you hated my new book

Writers are often told not to read our reviews, but for me, I do read my reviews on sites like Goodreads and Amazon. I may use those collectively to guide me as sI edit future anthologies, or simply to know, because knowledge is indeed power (so if you loved or hated an aspect of Best Women's Erotica or there's something you want to see in future editions, I'm all ears!). I actively want to know what turns readers off as much as what turns readers on, because I appreciate every single person who's so much as picked up and read the back cover of one of my books, and certainly am honored when anyone takes the time to truly engage with the stories and give feedback.

I appreciate the opportunity to get a feel for what readers are thinking, what they liked, what they didn't. But sometimes, a review really tells us nothing of the sort. Such as this recent one, which reads, "I will write my own book. This was poorly written and extremely boring."

It's actually not the latter part that I take issue with, although of course I fully believe the 22 stories in Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, which I consider my best work as an editor and the high point of my 16-year erotica career, has excellent writing and fully realized plots and characters. But I can't argue with someone's opinion; they didn't like it, that's cool. But the part where they wrote "I will write my own book" seems to imply that that's antithetical to this book and my job, and the truth is, it's not.

One of the reasons I love erotica so much is that there's room for everyone. Obviously not in one given anthology, or necessarily with any one publisher, but as a genre, it's an incredibly welcoming one. You don't need any degrees or experience or writing credits. You need a good imagination, creativity and stamina. You need to go deep into the heart of what makes a person tick (not just what turns them on), and spin a story that will make readers keep flipping pages, even if the subject is something they wouldn't normally care about. Some of my favorite pieces of erotica I fell for precisely because they covered sexual acts that squicked me in real life, but the writing was so good, I didn't care.

Ultimately, who I answer to are my readers, and I know that I cannot please everyone with every selection. That's never what I'm trying to do when I edit an anthology. I'm trying to capture something special about sex and storytelling and weave it together with many other special somethings to craft a book that delivers a punch, to have stories that collectively give a glimpse into, in this case, women's sexuality. Not the glimpse or the grand summary or every possibility; that would be way beyond anything one book like this is capable of.

On a broader level, the work I've been doing the last few years is precisely about encouraging writers, many of whom have never written erotica or considered it, to push themselves beyond the boundaries they think they're capable of and write, write, write. As I prepare for my final LitReactor online erotica writing class of 2016, I'm thinking about all the students I've taught before, many of whom keep me posted on what they're up to. Some them are self-publishing their debut novels. Others have successfully submitted stories begun in class and are published with independent publishers in anthologies like Order Up: A Menu of Lesbian Romance and Erotica and Sex & Sorcery 2.

Most of all, what I see from those who have kept at it, is that they're writing. They aren't sitting back and taking rejections to heart, or giving up, but they are writing stories and books and pursuing their interests, wherever that may lead. I am a fan of this genre first, before any particular anthology I may be editing at any given moment. If I stop editing anthologies tomorrow, I will still be a huge fan and reader of the genre, and supporter of those making their way as published authors for the first time.

To give you a little perspective: with most of my anthologies, I only have room to publish about 10% of the stories that are submitted. So that figure alone should tell you that even brilliant, exquisite, amazing stories by the very numbers game that is publishing and word counts will get rejected at some point. It's part of life, and part of writing. I have no illusion that my version of "best" is truly "better" than someone else's, but one thing I've learned, by trial and error and plenty of self-doubt and failure along the way, is that all I can ever do is my best. When I try to be someone else's version of "best," I always get myself in trouble. When I assume whoever has hired me for any job wants someone else's talents, or I tell myself I'm a worthless hack and shouldn't have gotten the gig, which has happened both in the past and far more recently, I always falter because it's an impossible expectation to be someone else and do what they would have done. I can't promise that. I can only deliver what I know how to deliver, and when I focus on that job, I do pretty well. When I strive to please some mythical version of perfectionism where I lull myself into thinking everyone will love everything I do, I may as will give up before I've even started.

So in a way, it's actually fabulous for me that someone thinks my new book is "poorly written" and boring because it shows that we all have different tastes and opinions, as we should. If that opinion spurs that reader on to further her own career, I consider that a win for the creative world too. It may not be personally pleasant for me, but it's perhaps a backhanded compliment that I am happy to accept, because I want my books to inspire people to write, whatever their opinion about the content. I was a failing law student when I wrote my first erotica story; I had no clue what I was doing, but I did it anyway. If my little books can be that catalyst for someone, that's awesome.

All that to say, I love erotica for its endless possibilities, for all the new writers flocking to it every day and all the ones who've been doing it for longer than I've been alive. I hope everyone who's ever read anything, be it a book, magazine, newspaper, blog post (ahem) and thought, I could write something better than this stops reading immediately and busts out their pen and paper or computer and gets to writing their story.

It's every bit a work in progress, but I launched eroticawriting101.com because I want to help those who face hurdles, internal or external, to doing exactly that, get over those hurdles, get writing and, if they so desire, get their writing in front of readers. If that's your goal, don't let anyone else's book or words or your own fears stop you. That's what I'm all about, that's what we'll be exploring in my LitReactor class starting next week, and that's what I've been thinking about ever since I read that review, the one I'm supposed to be stoic and pretend I didn't see. But I did; I'm human, and that's another thing I refuse to apologize for. Whatever you like to do with words: writing, reading, speaking, I hope you do it with gusto!

BDSM oral history: find out what inspired 71-year-old erotica author Dorothy Freed's story "Two Doms for Dinner" in this podcast interview

I've written before about the power of bringing people together via erotica, which I believe can happen online and offline. In this case, it was a combination of the two: after our January San Francisco Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading at Good Vibrations, two of the book's contributors, Rose Caraway and Dorothy Freed, met and connected.



As Rose puts it:

Dorothy Freed stands at not-quite 5 feet tall and she is 71 years old. She’s tougher than nails and is as hospitable and classy as can be. She is a submissive who knows what she wants, and when it comes to her incredible writing, she pulls from actual events from her past. (In Best Women’s Erotica, her story; ‘Two Doms for Dinner’ is based on true events.) I asked Dorothy about herself and as she spoke, I knew that her voice, her words, her STORY had to be heard by more than just me.

This is an amazing, inspiring interview, which you can listen to by clicking below or going here (and I strongly encourage you to subscribe to Rose's Sexy Librarian podcast in iTunes to hear all her wonderful interviews with erotica authors) about a single mother who finds a new way of life via BDSM and sexual exploration, and goes on to write about it. On a personal level, it helped remind me that my work doesn't just exist in products to be sold and measured by such sales, but in bringing people together, in ways that can reverberate far and wide. It reminded me that words don't just exist on the page, but are part of our souls and our lifeblood. The words we pen are part of how we bond with others, how we make sense of the world around us and our place in it, and you can hear that as Rose and Dorothy talk.



I will give you a brief excerpt from what was a crowd favorite at our reading, Dorothy's story "Two Doms for Dinner," which is indeed about the one female narrator enjoying two men dominating her at once. I strongly encourage you to read (or listen to) the story in full!

From "Two Doms for Dinner" by Dorothy Freed

“Well isn’t this a sight to behold,” Sir says, reaching down to tease the crack of my ass. I arch my back slightly and sigh with pleasure. By now my legs begin trembling and I’m ordered to rise and present myself—legs apart, shoulders back, hands behind my head. I stand proud, smiling, knowing the pose makes my breasts stand out. Charles is eating me up with his eyes. Sir cuffs my wrists and attaches them to chains that hang from the ceiling.

“I’ve laid out some of my favorite toys,” he tells Charles, indicating the various implements of pleasure spread out on his desk. “I’m going to give D a warm-up with some of these toys and show you how she responds to them. Feel free to join in. The more the merrier.”

He begins with the small rubber whip, which is actually my favorite, dangling it over my breasts, whipping them lightly and making my nipples even harder than they already are. Behind me Charles’s big, warm hands slide down over my back and rear before delivering a series of smacks to my asscheeks.

The two Doms switch positions. Sir moves behind me, spanking me with the long-handled leather paddle, which makes a loud slapping sound as it strikes. Charles, facing my front, gazes into my eyes as he tweaks my nipples and then amuses himself by lightly slapping my breasts, making them swing back and forth. “Ohhh, Sirs,” I moan, as the sensations intensify.

“She responds well to nipple clamps. Try the small red ones,” Sir suggests.

“Excellent idea, don’t mind if I do.” With an evil grin Charles clips each of my nipples, teasing them with his fingers. My breasts begin to tingle; they feel lit up from the inside out.

Read the rest of "Two Doms for Dinner" in Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, available from the following online retailers - if you liked the above interview, I highly recommend listening to Rose Caraway read all 22 sexy stories in the audiobook:



Amazon (print)

Kindle

Barnes & Noble (print)

Nook

Powells

Books-a-Million

IndieBound (find your nearest local bookstore)

Cleis Press

Amazon UK (print)

Amazon UK Kindle

Amazon Canada (print)

Amazon Canada Kindle

Want to shop local and support independent bookstores and sex toy stores? Check out IndieBound linked above and you can click here for a full shopping list of stores I know have the book (those stores all have my endless gratitude and are ones I've shopped from and will shop from if I'm nearby and encourage you to shop from).

Tonight's our big Chicago erotica reading - please join us and help spread the word!

In just under six hours at 6 p.m. central time tonight, I'll be reading with contributors to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 and Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica: Tara Betts, Rose P. Lethe and Corrine A Silver in Chicago at The Pleasure Chest, 3436 N. Lincoln Avenue (Brown line to Paulina). If you can help spread the word, I'd greatly appreciate it as I dropped the ball a bit with promoting this one, which I was reminded of yesterday as I wandered Chicago and kept seeing kiosks with all the papers I didn't send my listing to (sorry, Chicago!!!). Here's the Facebook event page. I'm truly honored to have these women join me and look forward to hearing them read their sexy stories in their own words. Plus we'll be doing a Q&A afterward so you can ask us anything about the writing process (or me about editing the Best Women's Erotica of the Year series; the deadline to submit to Volume 2 is tomorrow).



It's been a month, which I'll share more about soon, but to put it briefly, March has been a time of upheaval and change and decision making, and one of the conclusions I reached is that I won't be doing any more work travel this year save for Book Expo in May. Travel is both physically draining and expensive and takes time away from my relationship and my other income-generating work writing, teaching and consulting. I do love connecting with people live, but especially through teaching my LitReactor online writing classes, I've realized I can reach more people and take better care of myself when I work closer to home and that's what I'll be doing the rest of the year.

That being said, yesterday I got to see some lovely and unexpected art as I explored Chicago and took photos I've put up on my Instagram account and the Best Women's Erotica of the Year one (go awesome indie bookstores!), including this:

LitReactor student success story: new fiction in Lit Select food erotica anthology Love Slave: Sizzle

Few things make me happier than to hear that my students have enjoyed my classes, save for when they tell me that work they created in my class is now published, and that that came about because of me. It feels like coming full circle and a wonderful validation of all their hard work and the community that's formed in my LitReactor classes. So yesterday when writer LN Bey announced that their story "Just Desserts" was published in the new food erotica anthology Love Slave: Sizzle from publisher Lit Select, I was thrilled. In LN's words from a recent blog post:

This is a food-themed erotica collection; I wrote this story as an assignment in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s online erotica writing class via LitReactor and I’ve been saving it for just such an anthology. I am especially happy about the acceptance because I mentioned it in my last blog post as an example of how I sometimes enjoy playing with the tropes of erotica in my stories, and now I look much more knowledgable since the story will be in print (or online, anyway)!

It's also wonderful to see that Lit Select has several calls for submissions posted on such wide-ranging topics ranging from "what went wrong?" to sports to enchanted forests to second chances. When I say that erotica is a democratic genre always in need of new writers, this is precisely what I mean. You don't need to have studied it, in my classes or anywhere else. You don't need intense research, unless you're writing about some specific aspect of sex like rope bondage, in which you'd want to make sure you're being accurate. You really just need imagination and dedication. Of course, we go over lots more than that in my classes, but I want to shatter the myth that to get published you need to somehow work your way up. You need to write the best work you can and make it as unique and polished and exciting as you can, but that is something I truly believe more people are capable of than they realize. I think many new writers shy away from submitting their work because they are nervous about it, and I always tell them the worst that can happen is it gets rejected. My work has been rejected umpteen times, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to submit it. In fact, those rejections have served me especially well in the last four and a half years of working for myself, because rejection is something I face daily and I know that my livelihood depends on continuing to persevere on the projects I am proud of and believe are worthy. Believing in your work, being passionate enough about it to pursue it in the face of rejection, researching markets and finding the right fit, is part of being a writer, and those are values I try to instill in my students. Again, I never pressure anyone to submit their work, but I do encourage my LitReactor and other students to get used to the submission process because it's a wonderful feeling to have worked hard and been rewarded for that.

I've written before about why I put a focus on my erotica students submitting their work, and I stand by it. Of course, not everyone wants to send out their work, but I want them to know what markets are available and what the possibilities are. Especially if, like LN, they have a novel coming out, whether self-publishing, as in LN's case, or traditionally publishing, getting your work seen by an audience beforehand has a great impact in terms of name recognition. This is all the more so if you're talking about an anthology, where, I believe based on editing over 60 of them, the final product is far greater than the sum of its parts, because you have so many people's combined talent and creativity in one package. You will undoubtedly be tapping in to an audience that may overlap with yours but that will also be different, because the publisher and your fellow authors will have wider networks than you alone do.

I don't share every student victory here, but since this book is out now and I think food erotica is a fun theme and something I often teach, I wanted to share it. Also, there's an early bird discount for my next LitReactor class, which will run May 17-June 14 and will likely be my final one for the year as I focus on other projects; sign up by April 15th to take advantage of it. Those classes are limited to 16 people and it's likely to sell out, based on past experience. It'll be my seventh time teaching the class and, having just wrapped up my sixth, I'm looking forward to working with another dedicated, enthusiastic group.



If you prefer in person erotica writing workshops, my next one will be a three-hour class Friday, April 1st from 9:15 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. in Chicago (actually, Rosemont, Illinois). It's being organized by the wonderful conference CatalystCon but you do not have to attend CatalystCon to take my workshop. Full details are at the CatalystCon site and you can register here. Hearing fellow students read their work aloud and having that space and time to focus on expanding your writing boundaries is a wonderful way to kickstart your writing and you should go home full of story starts and prompts that will keep you writing for a long time to come. Official details:

April 1, 2016, 9:15 am - 12:15 pm
Erotica 101 workshop, CatalystCon
In this three hour workshop Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories and Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You’ll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, and using social media to promote your work and do outreach. She’ll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market, including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided.

This class will take place on Friday, April 1, 2016 at the CatalystConhost hotel. You must purchase a ticket to this workshop separately from CatalystCon on the registration page and do not have to attend CatalystCon to take the workshop. $45/person.. Register here.

Hyatt Regency O'Hare, 9300 Bryn Mawr Avenue, Rosemont, IL 60018

How I handle a bad writing day

I almost titled this post, "How to handle a bad writing day," but as with many things, I can't tell you how to do anything, I can only offer my experience and perhaps suggest ways you can handle a similar one. Yesterday started off well; I transcribed several interviews in order to file a piece. Then I sent some emails about an article I'm working on and did other tasks, but around three o'clock, I hit a wall. I felt frustrated, mostly with myself, like there was no way anything I wrote or any idea I had would be worth pursuing.

If it were nicer out, maybe I would have taken a walk, and perhaps I should have; I plan to today because I have the "excuse" of going to the post office. I did some administrative tasks while watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, but found I couldn't even get into the pole-dancing scenes. I just felt like my mind was a waste of space, and anything I started I abruptly stopped.



Now, seeing the above photo, some people might say: it's your desk. It's the clutter. But not me. I'm a firm believer in the messy desk = more productivity theory.

So instead of trying to pound out words that were only going in circles, I pretty much gave up for the day. I decided to forget about the fact that my inquiries for that article turned up several people declining to be interviewed, to forget that I had still more transcription awaiting me, to try to put aside all the frustration I felt with my day. I admit I was a bit grouchy when my boyfriend got home, which he didn't deserve at all. We ate separate dinners, which we rarely do (mine was a bagel and hummus) and watched Jeopardy! and cuddled a bit. I took a bath and read a library book (the young adult novel Wonder, which I learned from Natalie Merchant's documentary Paradise is There is based on her song of the same name).

Setting your work aside is not a strategy that's always available. Often the work needs to be done and you have to find a way to plow through. My work tends to be less urgent most of the time, which is a blessing and a curse. When I need to, I can report and file a story from the airport (especially when it's one with free wifi like SFO), as I did last Tuesday. Sometimes I wish all my writing were like that because I would have to finish no matter what, but the reality is, usually I have a week or a few weeks for an article, a few months to turn in an anthology, a few days to edit a student's story, so a few hours here or there are not going to make or break a project. But sometimes, for me, I need to step away in order for my brain to recalibrate, for me to remember that all is not lost and that even though I may not be able to write through my own seething anger at myself, that will pass.

This morning I woke up and firstly, had gotten a full night's sleep, rather than waking up at four and thinking that was prime reading time, thus throwing off my day. I'd let myself sleep even though I had that same to do list haunting and taunting me and making me feel guilty for not working every second of the day. Then when I checked my email, I found that rather than the daunting declines I'd gotten the day before, I had messages from people eager to discuss my article topic. I made oatmeal and brainstormed new ideas. I made a relatively reasonable to do list. I noticed that the Amazon price keeps dropping on my new book and an older one is on sale, neither of which directly relate to my writing but are still pleasant things that will hopefully earn me a little extra money down the road.

Will today be a perfect writing day? Who knows? But I can say that I already feel more motivated than I did at the end of yesterday. Given that I'm going to be launching two websites soon to promote my work teaching both erotica and nonfiction sex writing, it feels a little dangerous and perhaps self-defeating to admit that I have bad writing days, to share that I get so stymied by my own demons I let them get in the way of my work. I am aiming to file roughly one article a day in order to meet my 2016 income goal, and I wish I could share a glowing report about how that's going. I will be posting some of the details of how I'm keeping track of my income and expenses this year, but probably after a few months, once I've fully sorted all the data. But the thing about emotions is that they don't track so well on spreadsheets. They sneak up on you and can derail you from a perfectly logical, straightforward path. Maybe it was hormones, maybe it was frustration, maybe I just needed a break yesterday for some unknown reason.

I'm posting this not because I think it makes me look together or professional, but precisely because it doesn't. I believe that baring my flaws is just as important as announcing my successes, because both are complementary parts of me. Sometimes I err on only focusing on one side (usually it's the flaws), and that's as imbalanced a portrait as only celebrating the successes.
br> Yes, I make a living through a mix of writing, editing and teaching, but I'm not perfect. I falter, sometimes more often, sometimes less. What I'm aiming to do this year is not so much falter less, as pick myself back up more quickly. The positive side of having various sources of income is that I actually welcome the work I do that isn't about my writing. Like many people, I can often be a better critic and editor of other people's work than my own, which is why I'm excited that I have a LitReactor class starting two weeks from tomorrow, and am open to new consulting clients. Helping other people polish and publish their work fuels me in different ways than spewing out my own words. It makes me feel helpful, useful, like I'm putting the things I've learned via trial and error over the last 16 or so years to good use. Not that I don't believe in my own writing, which I do (when I'm not having a day like yesterday), but the various tasks balance each other out. I don't think I could embrace being a full-time freelance writer if I didn't also have editing and teaching work.

At other times, some of the ways I've handled a bad writing day are: pick an article I read online and respond to it, write a listicle (they are harder than they look!), write a review of someone else's book, praise or repost someone's work I admire, clean my room (a never-ending task in my case). The best thing I can say about bad writing days is that for me, they make me all the more grateful for the good ones. And by "good," I don't necessarily mean that I filed a story or wrote something I was thrilled with, but where I was engaged by the work, where I approached it with my whole self, rather than doing so halfheartedly while secretly cheating on whatever I'm ostensibly writing by planning out the next thing I want to write in my head even as I type.

That is the state I strive for: to be fully in the moment, whether that's listening to an interviewee's words again as I type them up, digging deep into my emotional well for a personal essay, or penning a fictional sex scene. So while I'm usually not one for advice, the best thing I can say about a bad writing day is that at some point it will be over. A bad writing day is no big deal as long as you find a way to bounce back. That may not happen immediately, but I try not to let myself linger in that "nothing I write is worth it" mental state for too long, because the longer I do, the harder it is to shake that conviction. So if you too struggle with writing, I hope it's a short struggle, and that maybe through that struggle, you find something new to write about once you're on the other side of it.

When a Jewish erotic romance author becomes a Christian inspirational romance author - my Broadly Q&A

Speaking of breaking into new markets, I've been reading Broadly since it debuted last year, and have found it fascinating, especially its coverage of sex. So I'm thrilled that today my first piece for Broadly is up; it's a Q&A entitled "What Happens When a BDSM Author Converts to Christianity". Some of you may be familiar with the work of Shoshanna Evers; I published several of her short stories and she wrote many BDSM erotic romance novels. Now that she's converted to Christianity, she's using the name Shoshanna Gabriel and you can read all about it in our interview, including the line, "I literally had an erotic story published that had no consummating sex scene. By accident."

See you soon for erotica and sex writing workshops in LA and a free Best Women's Erotica of the Year reading in San Francisco

I'm excited that I've got three live events this month; two on January 17th in Los Angeles and one January 19th in San Francisco. Details below. I know many of you don't live in those areas, so if that's the case, I'd love it if you'd pass on this post or the event info to a friend who is. I don't know how much traveling I'll be doing the rest of the year as I intend to focus on teaching online erotica writing classes (like my next LitReactor one). I'm especially thrilled that one week after the book's official publication date, I get to read with four of my contributors to Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1. I love getting to read authors' work, but love even more getting to hear them do justice to their words out loud.

Thank you very much to SHE, Pleasure Chest and Good Vibrations for hosting me! These are all excellent events/stores I'm proud to work with.

Sunday, January 17, noon to 12:50 pm
Nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop (aka, make money writing about your sex life)

I'm teaching this workshop as part of the wonderful SHE (Sexual Health Expo), which runs the weekend of January 16-17 and features workshops by Tristan Taormino, Dirty Lola, Mollena Williams and many others on everything from online dating to anal sex, role-playing and much more. See the full schedule here. Your admission gets you in to the whole weekend; get 2-for-1 admission using code RACHBR at Eventbrite.

Longtime freelance writer Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out what makes an intriguing essay or article, how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. Rachel is a sex columnist for DAME and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, Philadelphia City Paper and The Frisky, and has written about dating and sexuality for Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Refinery29, Salon, Slate, Time.com, xoJane, The Washington Post and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.



Sunday, January 17, 7 - 9 pm
Free Erotica Writing 101 workshop


Yes, free! This is a wonderful opportunity for anyone of any level to spend two hours writing and learning. My class is always welcoming and judgment-free, and everyone will get a handout at the end listing publishers and resources.

Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 60 anthologies such as Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, and The Big Book of Orgasms, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work. In this supportive, welcoming workshop environment, you’ll learn how to write vividly about everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies, and make them fit for particular publications in the thriving erotica market. This workshop will address the recent boom in erotica inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, provide examples of well written erotica, and will include multiple writing exercises. You’ll be given a handout listing major markets and further reading suggestions. No previous writing experience required. Please bring laptop or pen and paper.

Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046, 323-650-1022



Tuesday, January 19, 6:30-8:30 pm
Free Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading

Celebrate one of the hottest books of 2016, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1! Join editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed, and Jade A. Waters for a sexy reading from these hot, varied pansexual stories by and about a range of daring, feisty, take-charge women, followed by a book signing. Free. Oh, and the store has an Antique Vibrator Museum!
Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento), San Francisco, 415-345-0400

On overcoming writer's block, one word at a time

True confession time: sometimes I get stuck with my writing. Most commonly, I get overwhelmed. I do not have a grand solution to writer's block; if I did, I would have posted on this blog every day this year, as I had intended to before January 1st, but clearly didn't happen. I did have two articles come out this week (although the first was finalized last week): one on dads and sex ed at Mic and one on new Kink.com model rules for The Daily Dot.

But the list of what else I wanted to write, meant to write, could have written, started to write, thought about writing, etc., is far longer. Now, I'm not saying everyone should write a certain amount per day or week; that's not how I measure my writing. But I would guess that I'm not the only one whose output falls short of my goals not because of emergencies or actually "not having time," but because of something psychological. This is in no way a new issue for me; writer's block and I go so far back it almost feels "wrong" when words are bouncing off my fingers, whipping through my mind whether I'm walking or watching TV or peeing.

For me, it's usually about one of two things (or both of them, cause I'm an overachiever like that): fear and getting ahead of myself. My fear runs deep. This week, I have a few emails I need to send for work; some are asking people to check out my new book, some are requesting interviews for upcoming articles, some are pitching new pieces. Almost all of them, even the easiest of the easy ones, the ones to people I know and like, the ones where there's little risk of a bad outcome, have made me paralyzed with inaction this week. I've drafted those emails several times; I've written them on to do lists that literally litter my desk, but only sent one or two of them.

I've faced a great amount of impostor syndrome and fear of being thought of as a fraud, because while I've faced this writer's block, I've also been promoting my next LitReactor writing class, which in itself took me a having a leap of faith that I could do it the first time. Those voices that tell me you can't are loud, sometimes so much so that I have trouble hearing anything else.



As I'm writing this right now, Thursday morning at 8:34 a.m., what I can tell you is that there is a sense of calm running through my veins, an antidote to all the fear I've clung to this week, all the reasons why I needed to do any other thing than write the next essay/article/email/word. Clearly, the rush I'm getting from working out my thoughts by writing them down is like oxygen for me, the equivalent of a deep breath of fresh air after being cooped up in a stuffy, uncomfortable room. It feels like getting myself back.

There will always be other things to occupy my time than writing, but I don't think there will ever be anything else that feeds me in the way writing does, that soothes me, that, as maddening as the process may be, gives me the thrill that writing does. Yet it's more than a "thrill," it's not just a rush or a high; it's more fundamental. Writing is an extension of me, so when I don't do it, when I willfully ignore it, or let the fear win, I feel lesser. When I lie in bed at night, as I did last night, aimlessly reading part of an article, random social media, a few pages of a book I had pre-ordered and was very eager to read but at midnight couldn't concentrate on, I felt hollow, sad, frustrated with myself because I hadn't written what I wanted to. I hadn't even let myself try to write.

In other words, the honest truth is that the only way to get over writer's block of any kind is to write something. Literally, anything. One word, one sentence, one step in the right direction that will help you out of the quicksand of inertia. If even that one word feels impossible, you could start typing up a beloved passage or page from a book, which I've used to get my fingers moving in familiar rhythms, but what I would recommend instead is to type a single sentence or paragraph by someone else, then use that to riff off of. I'll even give you a prompt: the epigraph to one of my favorite novels, A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers.



Anything can be a prompt: a word, an image, a song, a quote, a show, a sport, an object, a person, anything, really. Even if it has nothing to do with the thing you "must" write today. What I've found with my work is that the more pressure I put on myself to write, the more deeply afraid I become. I sometimes have to completely let any expectations go and simply write, which, for a control freak, is not easy. I like to know in advance which word should go where, leading me from one to the next to The End, but that is just not always possible. Sometimes the big picture gets so big it obscures everything in its path. No matter how good of a writer I become, I will never be able to write five essays or ten emails or three articles at once. I will only ever be able to write one word at a time. When I try to do more than that by, say, writing one thing but having my mind leapfrogging ahead to the next thing (and usually, it's many next things), I always come up with something subpar.

Here's the thing: anything we want to say requires a little bit of narcissism, and by "narcissism," I mean a belief in the value of what you're saying. My fear ultimately boils down to the notion that someone will reject my words, whether by clicking away, unsubscribing, ignoring my email, writing hate mail, officially rejecting a pitch or simply writing me off in their mind. When I let that fear rule me, I can't get past it; it's too loud, too strong, too compelling. I have to fight it off with every fiber of my being.

When I told my boyfriend how stuck I've been this week, he gave me all kinds of accolades, citing my accomplishments and bylines. I heard him, but in a faraway part of my mind, like we were playing telephone rather than standing next to each other in our kitchen. The thing is, when I'm in the depths of my blocks, my fear, none of my other writing matters. It's almost as if it doesn't exist, or rather, it exists, but seems like a relic from past me. Present me? She convinces herself she has no idea what she's doing.

Speaking of narcissism (which I have to keep spell checking!), here's the kind of healthy narcissism I'm talking about, from an artist you may have heard of:



That Dalí quote/image is from the book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna (you can read the basics of her perspective at Medium but I also recommend the book). In it, she writes:

Must is not a faraway land that you hope to arrive at sometime in the future, it's not for tomorrow or another day. Must is for today, now. And as you take daily action, the cliff will cease to be a cliff. It will simply become an obvious next step along your path to Must.

Now, writing is not a "Must" for everyone, but for me, it certainly is. It's both what pays my bills and what feeds my soul. It's how I make sense of my life, and when I don't do it, when the ideas pile up but I watch them drift by over and over again, the fear not only wins, it snowballs. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the fear has fuel. The fear can say: See? You should have written that essay and this email and you didn't, so don't even bother trying today/tomorrow/ever. It's too late. But it's never too late in the grand scheme of things. It may be too late in a specific case, but words are always valuable. They are always there for you. They are always accessible as long as you have a writing implement and a piece of paper.

As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the podcast Confessions of a Pink-Haired Marketer by Sonia Simone, and her guest, artist John T. Unger, just said, "Part of why I got into making art is that when I was less successful financially, I just loved art; I wanted to own art. I couldn't afford the kind of stuff I wanted, so I made my own versions of that. And the more that I made, the more it piled up and the more I got good at it...I was working in design until the big dot com crash, and at that point, I was like, you know, instead of learning to do something else sensible, I'm just going to do the art thing, because that's what I want to do, and I'll figure out a way to make it work." (FYI: transcribing people's thoughts on podcasts means you discover that seeing their words typed out is in no way equivalent to hearing them say it, so I recommend listening for the full impact.)

So no, I don't have a secret sauce for overcoming writer's block. I grapple with it far more than I would like. I wrote this for myself as much as anyone else. But I can tell you that especially when I've been stuck, when I haven't written and that inaction is weighing on me, it's downright euphoric when I do get the words out. Most of the time, they are not the words I would have expected to come out. They are not always ones that I'm madly in love with, but they are words, and they feel good, and they remind me that I am not the sum of my fears, but someone who has the willpower and strength and deep belief in my own worth to battle back against those fears.

Want weekly musings about writing? Sign up for my monthly newsletter and then drop me a line at rachelkb at gmail.com and put "Writing tips" in the subject line and I'll add you to my weekly writing newsletter, which is a subset of the main one. (Sorry that's so clunky; I will be streamlining the writing newsletter subscription process, but in the spirit of this post and the interest of not stalling any longer, which clearly I excel at, I wanted to share this now.) I'll be sharing weekly writing links, tips and musings, both about sex and erotica and broader topics related to various aspects of fiction and nonfiction.