Daily gratitude: This, Hawaiian edition

Crossposting from my Tumblr, where I try for daily gratitude, along with one of my favorites of the hundreds of photos I've taken here in Hawaii, of Waikiki Beach at sunset. I plan to come back in November for my birthday, if not sooner. This has been a beautiful, much-needed vacation.



Daily gratitude: This

Just this feeling of total serenity I’ve had here. Not every second but for the most part I tapped in to enjoying this island and my time, whether I was soaking my feet in a hot tub, watching the sunset, eating cupcakes or an amazing acai bowl, or delicious food cart snacks, having my photo taken with a topless male model, seeing a bacon cupcake underarm tattoo, in a car going zero to sixty, on the beach, at the mall, drinking coffee, reading, walking or geeking out over cacti or adorable children or the sun like I’d never seen any of them before. It feels like it’s been much longer than a week and I’d easily extend another week if I could. I mean, the worst things that happened were having my bank card blocked by a fraud attempt and seeing a “Romney - Believe in America” sign (wtf? I sure as hell believe in my fucking country).

My upcoming week, which involves a friend’s theater show, a hot date, saying goodbye to some of mg favorite New Yorkers before they move, speaking in Milwaukee and at Northwestern, being on live TV, digging in to a fun new assignment where I get to hear about other people’s sexcapades and break into a new print venue, is all great, but feels so far away. Heady but intimidating, and I’m not quite ready for anything remotely approaching intimidating just yet. I want to take as much of the spirit of this trip home with me. I can’t be the girl I was in January, the instantly reactive, out of control childish person I was starting to become. Maybe I needed to shock my system to shake it up, and I certainly needed to escape my claustrophobic city. But now I need to learn to live there, with all my and its imperfections and memories and blessings. Because more than anything I feel blessed to have had this week, to remember my strengths, to be reminded that I don’t have to go out of my way to impress people, just be open. So while I’m leaving Hawaii tonight, I hope it’s not leaving me, and not just because I’m bringing my comfy slippers (one of my vocabulary lessons - slippers, not flip flops) back to Brooklyn. And I already have an inkling of coming back for my birthday. But one day at a time. Actually, one moment.

Quick hi from Hawaii!

Aloha! I'm loving Hawaii so far, and am excited about tomorrow night's cupcake meetup (much as I've tried to give it up, event organizing is in my blood, which is good since there are a ton of them coming up over the next 4 months). I've been driven around to gorgeous lookouts in a Tesla Roadster Sport, eaten malasadas at Leonard's Bakery, hung out at Ala Moana Center, gotten a manicure, a bathing suit and cupcakes in Waikiki, saw a former Miss Hawaii do a hula dance at House Without a Key, soaked in a hot tub and watched a gorgeous sunset, among other things. Giant shoutout to AirBNB for making this trip affordable. I'm balancing writing (one piece for a very exciting new venue), cupcake blogging and fun creative writing with soaking up the sun, as it goes. Posting, as always, is more frequent at Tumblr and non-cupcake photos are in my personal Flickr account.


from one of my three flights here


I actually loved being driven around in this, even when I closed my eyes and felt my stomach flip over and over






my comfy Hawaiian slippers

I want to put this in my mouth

Today I blogged about pepperoni pizza and chicken soup and spicy macaroni cupcakes from Savor Cakes in Portland, Oregon, who have a Kickstarter campaign going to bring savory cupcakes to the hungry mouths of Portland. I for one totally want to eat this, and plan to give you a full report 2 weeks from tomorrow. For now, a mouthwatering photo:


spicy baked macaroni in a croissant!

Snapshots from Seattle

I am still recovering from both walking 13 miles in the Rock N Roll Marathon and also traversing Seattle and slowly getting back to writing/internet mode after two days of Seattle exploration. The walk was so fun and inspiring and challenging that I want to do it again, either next year in Seattle and/or another city.

Yesterday I got to see some amazing burlesque at Stripped Screw: Disney After Dark (see some of the official photos by Chris Blakeley on Facebook). Today the weather was blissful, so much so that if it were always like that, I'd consider moving here. I spent about an hour lying on the grass and maybe it wasn't life changing, but it was certainly one of my happiest hours of 2011. See self-portrait below.

I'm having fun exploring parts of Seattle I've seen before an parts I haven't. And learning about things like cupcakes at conveyor belt sushi restaurants! See more photos in this Flickr set. I especially recommend stationery store/art gallery/cool place Paper-Hammer; letterpress fans will especially like it. From Seattle Magazine:

Open since last December, Paper Hammer functions as his urban laboratory for Tieton-made paper products, which are lovingly arranged in a stark, white, gallery-like setting. “The merchandise is very experimental, evolving with the fun and weird designs coming from our studio,” Marquand says. Affordable treasures include gorgeous letterpress coasters ($2.50), hand-bound journals and Marquand’s own invention, cheeky “You As Fine Wine” sweetheart cards (describing people using common wine terms, like “robust” and “full-bodied,” $3.95). The “hammer” title refers to the shop’s selection of handcrafted furniture by local designer Kerry Quint, Marquand’s inventive side tables created out of a stack of recycled books ($250) and, soon, a line of welded steel tables.

Window of Paper Hammer:



I stayed at the Grand Hyatt downtown (found via Priceline) and was SO impressed; my bathtub was luxurious and wonderful, they were extremely courteous and there were apples in the lobby and a Starbucks with great staffers in the hotel, and my poor tired legs and feet were so happy to be tucked into that giant, comfy bed. And I dug this chair, even though I didn't even sit in it:






Grand Hyatt lobby

Bands did indeed play along the way, many of them ones I'd have liked to listen to, but were had to walk very fast, with the occasional jog and sprint, to keep our time (mine was 3:44:50).




my favorite sign was one that said "Go Random Stranger, Go!" but I didn't get a photo of it








post-marathon victory brie and basil waffle from Sweet Iron Waffles




spinach, egg and cheese roll from Piroshky Piroshky




Pike Place=food porn! I ate one of the best pears I've ever eaten. Tried not to gorge myself on fruit.






leather pride flag

There is art everywhere here:












hanging on the wall at a Starbucks

Random Acts of Cupcakes at Cupake Royale

Click here to read more about my evening at Cupcake Royale - a proper first day in Seattle post coming soon!

10 things about my trip to LA

1. It was 80+ degrees when I arrived.

2. I've been waking up in a really sunny room and then am "cold" when I go outside and it's a little breezy.

3. I met an adorable 1-year-old and hung out with her going up and down stairs and throwing pool balls and got told I'm going to be a good mother by three separate people.

4. I tried on black and gold heels at Fluevog and a very kind fellow customer whispered to my friend that they were a lot cheaper at Zappos.

5. I took a bath today and read Marian Keyes' This Charming Man - coming to the end of this 550-page novel about domestic violence, alcoholism, cross-dressing, family and love. And Irish politics. I adore her writing.

6. Yesterday I got dropped off at the Arclight movie theater...the wrong one. Was like the Brooklyn/Manhattan mixup all over again. The upshot was I got to hang out with my aunt and cousins and watch Jeopardy! and eat pizza.

7. I looked at a ton of old photos, including my grandmother back in the day looking super glam, my mom and uncle when they were little, me when I was 8 or 9.

8. Today I visited the Sprinklesmobile, the tricked out Mercedes van that Sprinkles Cupcakes uses for special events. Video TK on Cupcakes Take the Cake.

9. I am in a mall (Beverly Center) and it's kindof like my youth spent in New Jersey malls, but different because I'm an adult and actually know how much I have to work to earn enough to buy anything (got tights because my bare legs are cold).

10. Andrew Sullivan mentioned and linked to my Daily Beast sex trends article!

All the cupcake ladies

I'm off to Chicago this week for an unofficial cupcake summit and a bazillion cupcake tastings; join me Saturday from 12-2 at Swirlz for FREE mini cupcakes!

In addition to the amazing cupcake ladies seen above, who totally rock my world and are each incredibly inspiring in their own right, I'm also going to hopefully see my cousin Cindy and her 5-year-old son Jack (yes, he's also my cousin), Nona Willis Aronowitz, co-author of Girldrive, Kirsten Goede, maker of the gorgeously sparkling jewelry line Objets d'Envy and Elizabeth Elmore, whose lyrics with Sarge and especially The Reputation have inspired me more than I can say (and whose song "Fast Girls" I'm quoting in my introduction to my anthology Fast Girls). It'll be a busy but very sweet weekend of cupcakes, pizza, girl talk and gossip.

See Flickr (and the cupcake only Flickr) and Twitter (and @cupcakeblog) for updates all weekend.

Rocky road cupcakes from London's Hummingbird Bakery

Were these rocky road cupcakes from London's Hummingbird Bakery as good as they look? Find out in my review.

How Not to Travel, or Don't Be Stupid Like Me

Louise Bourgeous limited edition hankie

Well, if I thought I'd hit rock bottom yesterday, now I can laugh at my foolishness. I plan to try to pitch a "How Not to Travel" article, so won't detail here every single thing I've done wrong (arrived late to airport with broken suitcase, didn't bring camera battery, had wrong kind of adapter, etc.) to simply highlight today's major flaw - I did not realize my passport was expored. Hence, when I arrived at Stanstead, was told at first that I could board my flight, then that I couldn't and would have to go to the U.S. Embassy on Monday morning to get one and rebook my flight for 165. The money doesn't bother me that much and I will make good use of my extra day in London, but it doesn't bode well for the whole starting over theme. I'm trying to be calm and upbeat lest I just spend the next two days sobbing. I'm truly anxious to get home and deal with the messes I've made, both literal and metaphorical, but trying to argue with an airport security agent just wasn't going anywhere.

And the ruth is, like almost all my fuckups, it's fully, 100% my fault. I'm aware of that. Normal people would do something basic like check if their passport is expired. It just never occurred to me; I use it as my ID all the time (I no longer have a driver's license as I haven't driven a car in about 7 years and never plan to again), yet haven't had to use it to get out of the country since my trip to Turkey in 2005.

The one positive thing I can say about myself is that save for my ongoing problems with debt and messiness, I do learn from my mistakes. I fuck up a lot of things quite often, but I try to not make repeat mistakes. Sometimes I do, and those are clearly issues I need to work on, and I think this entire week's message/wakeup call means I truly need to evaluate how I live my life and why I do these stupid things I do, why I find comfort in the chaos and confusion. On my last trip to England, I also made a grave error, and had to purchase an entire new ticket to attend my friends' wedding when I lost the paper ticket I'd purchased. I spent many dollars traveling back and forth to JFK and promised myself I'd never buy a paper ticket again, and haven't.

So I'm back at the flat, with my taped up suitcase, on a surprisingly sunny day. I am going to make the most of my extra day and a half in London, and look forward to going home and purging. Not just my belongings, but my way of life, because clearly something is not working and hasn't been for a long time. I think that's probably been much clearer to everyone around me than it has been to me, and I overload my life with minutiae and busy work that distract me from the bigger picture, that make it so I'm frantic and buried in the details most of the time and don't take care of myself in very basic ways. I know it has to change and this only reinforces that.

My new blog BFF: Clit Think

from Clit Think

So the past two days in London have been all over the map. Yesterday was quite trying, one might even say rock bottom. I was meant to meet my Cleis Press publisher at the Tate Modern, and was so busy congratulating myself on getting there on time that I didn't realize we were supposed to meet outside the members room. That was very frustrating, though I did get to see the museum and the Louise Bourgeouis exhibit. Then I made my way to Holborn and then to Coffee, Cake and Kink, where I was treated quite grandly and found out they do a weekly reading on Saturday nights, and have fetish nights on Fridays. I got some bad news as I was working on my computer and was feeling rather like a complete loser, when I happened to note the woman at the table next to me, who had already seemed quite cool, perusing my book Crossdressing: Erotic Stories.

So I told her it was my book and then it turned out we have a friend in common and that she's a blogger. We had much to chat about and since then I've been perusing her very hot and fascinating blog, Clit Think (tag line: "Polemics, BDSM and Polyamorous Sex from a Feminist Slut"), which I think many of you will enjoy.

I was still a bit down in the dumps about various problems that I'm anxious to get home and resolve, but today I ventured to two cupcakes bakeries, Hummingbird Bakery on Old Brompton Road and then over to Buttercup Cake Shop, where the owner, Donna, was very kind and gave me free mini cupcakes, including banoffee (butterscotch frosting, toffee shavings, and banana cake!), which may be my new favorite cupcake. Many photos of those coming soon. Then I made my way on the National Rail to Hitchin to visit my friend whose baby was due...yesterday. She was in good spirits and we caught up and played with her 3-year-old son and ate more cupcakes. Then we came home and had yet another super hot kinky scene, all of which I may write about at another point, that's been both a highlight and somewhat of an unexpected surprise of this trip.



I've had a great time in London, and have spent many hours up late at night, listening to F. snore and enjoying the warmth, quiet, and coziness of his flat. I've gotten to know the Millenium Bridge, seen the Spice Girl, ate my very first Scotch egg, and generally taken a break from the madness that is my life in New York. I've realized that while I miss New York, I don't miss the madness. I actually really like routine and calm and don't have enough of that, so I'm hoping to make 2008 a year of order and organization. I say that now, quite easily, but I also know that I distract myself from goals like that by the next party, the next event, the next thing I feel I cannot miss. I want to get back to falling in love with writing, with challenging myself and meeting those challenges.

Also in the time I've been here, I've been invited to read or speak in Miami, San Francisco, Washington D.C., and London. I'm working on all of these and will post details when I have them. I'm trying to be calm and not freak out as much as I usually do when things go awry. So my head's a bit scrambled these days, with much to write and ponder and figure out. I've been off my game in a lot of ways, kindof letting the days and my life pass me by, as if watching from afar. I want to get my momentum back without going into ridiculous overdrive where I have no time to relax. Finding that balance is challenging, to put it mildly.

For now, I'll leave you with some words from Clit Think:

Right then, Ms. Domme really was a little grrl. His little grrl. I needed my Daddy so very very much! He took me, cradled me and controlled me, enveloping me simultaneously in safety and in almost unbearably acute sensation. Pleasure crackled over me as he teased, tightening me like a string until I was humming and vibrating with need, whimpering, skin beginning to glisten.

And then his fingers finally, finally, FINALLY plunged under my panties and into the soaking wet lips of my convulsing cunt. A bolt of energy shot through me, and I think I called out and jerked like a puppet in his arms. He gathered me against his chest, holding me close while I buried my face into him, breathing him in with short gasps. He moved soooo gently and soooo softly, sliding back and forth over my swollen clit. When he paused, I felt it throb and quiver against his finger tip. My whole being felt wide open, beyond thought and consciousness.

“Daddy wants his little grrl to feel sooo good. He wants his little grrl to be such a happy little grrl. She deserves to feel this good,” he murmured into my hair as I swirled closer and closer to cumming...

Read the rest of her post

Off to Eugene and Portland

Even though I will be bringing my laptop and not shutting down my computer, I probably won't be answering non-essential email until I get back on Wednesday. Off to Eugene and Portland for a fun hotel stay, catching up on reading and writing and editing, visits with family, playing with alpacas, eating cupcakes and donuts, reading smut, hanging with the literati, and exploring. My reading was listed in the Powell's newsletter, and I think I may pick up The Zinester's Guide to Portland. Probably little known fact: way back in law school, I put out three issues of a zine called I'm Not Waiting (after the Sleater-Kinney song).