Why Tuesday is my favorite day of the week

Today is Tuesday, which to me is my favorite day of the weekend, although I love weekends too, because it's payday. Since starting my part time copywriting job last June, which I go to three days a week, I've welcomed the change of going from chasing down checks that may or may not arrive on time to doing that but also getting paid every single week for the work I've done the week prior. I'd bet money (ha!) that having a steady paycheck has contributed greatly to my mental health, because I know that as long as I show up to work, I'll have that check, and can better plan when I will pay rent and bills.

From what I can tell so far this year, my book royalties will be the biggest source of my gross income, with my copywriting job the second, but the big difference is my royalties arrive four times a year and are utterly unpredictable. They've ranged from the very low thousands to over $17,000 and I have no way of predicting quarter to quarter what they will be, so I can't rely on them. That being said, I should receive my royalty statement for Q1 2017 next week and I already have a list of what I will pay for with it, including some to my retirement fund, some to debt, some to key purchases and some investing back into my biggest literary moneymaker, the Best Women's Erotica of the Year series.

This year, as I've become fanatical about bookkeeping and started truly analyzing the cost of each dollar I earn, I've realized how wasteful I was of both my time and money in my younger days. Projects like interviews for Gothamist, some of which I am still inordinately proud of, didn't pay. Others, like In The Flesh Reading Series, sometimes broke even and sometimes didn't. A wiser person would have parlayed that reading series into a book deal and/or a sponsorship. I didn't, which contributed to its demise when I felt like I was taking advantage of myself. I sometimes wonder, what could I have done with all that creative organizing energy that would have been sustainable in the long term? I don't think of it in a regretful way but more in a how can I apply this to my work life now? way.

This month I've been busy with promoting my latest Cleis Press anthology, On Fire: Erotic Romance Stories, finalizing the table of contents for the self-published rerelease of Sex and Candy and some freelance writing, and starting next week/month, I will be planning the first of many online courses I plan to teach, organized around my consulting and teaching site, EroticaWriting101. All of those projects and whatever happens after them are part of my strategy to stay relevant in the job market. I'll also be making a copywriting portfolio page and learning more about SEO and Amazon keywords. It's a lot to juggle, but I feel good about taking a proactive stance. I'm writing an essay about how I'm paying off a large amount of debt and while I'm not proud of having the debt I'm excited that I can see the light at the end of that damning tunnel and eager to get started on projects that have the potential to yield income for many years to come. Still, as long as they will have me, I'm grateful for my job, which is teaching me a whole new world and style of writing and outlook on the world, and giving me that Tuesday morning payday to look forward to. I am ready to make new mistakes (because I'm sure I will), but at least I won't be sitting around waiting for things like I did in my twenties and thirties, when I never asked for a better job title or advocated for a raise or anything else that would advance my earning potential. Now I realize that I have the power to at least try new endeavors, measure their success and go from there.

What it's like to work on three books at once

The past week has been especially busy, with my mind and to do list pulled in many directions. Firstly, I've been helping my boyfriend promote and prepare for the play he's directing, which will be performed this Thursday, Friday and Saturday in Princeton, New Jersey. I don't know the first thing about theater except that I enjoy going as an audience member, but I know a few things about event promotion based on my five years of In The Flesh reading hosting and assorted book event organizing. Getting Instagram photos to show up in Blogger is not my strong suit, so if you can't see the image below, it's also here - evidence of my adventures in poster hanging (my takeaway: bring a stapler, not tape, next time).

Are you excited yet? See you Thursday, July 20 for opening night of Dead Man's Cell Phone at @artscouncilofprinceton at 102 Witherspoon Street, Princeton, NJ! Tickets available at the door at 7:30 pm each night or through July 19 via our @indiegogo campaign (link in bio). #comedy #theater #princeton #nj #newjersey #njarts #acting

A post shared by Chimera Productions (@chimera_productions) on Jul 15, 2017 at 12:23pm PDT

So I've put up posters in Princeton, posted on the Chimera Productions Facebook page and Instagram account and helped make some goodie bags. I love that I'm part of an artistic couple and am happy to help out where I can.



At the same time, I've been working on three anthologies simultaneously, and that's quite a mental challenge to keep track of what stage each one is in, attend to the seemingly umpteen emails and tasks associated with each, and not go into ultra panic mode. My anthology On Fire: Erotic Romance Stories publishes tomorrow, and as part of my efforts to reinvent my book promotion efforts, I've done a few new things. It will be listed soon on Netgalley, which is exciting for me because it has the potential to reach so many more book bloggers and reviewers that way, and I've done some outreach but would like to do more. It will also be On Fire week over at Lady Smut so stay tuned for related posts, including one from me Wednesday on the backstory of why this book took three years to come out (spoiler alert: I messed up) and a sexy excerpt.

At the same time, I'm diving in to self-publishing by reissuing my 2007 anthology Sex & Candy with a super hot new cover, new title and a few new stories. For that I had to contact all the original authors, some of whom had changed email addresses so the email bounced back to me, some of whom have updated their bios and bylines. I also solicited a few new stories so that the book isn't entirely a reprint of the first. The original was print only; the new edition will be ebook and audiobook only. So far I've only worked on the words part. Next it will go to the authors to look over for typos or grammatical errors, then I will send it to my amazing copyeditor, who is helping save my books from being horrifically riddled with grammar issues. Then...I'm not exactly sure because I've only self-published one short story and my then assistant did the hard part. So I'll have a learning curve in terms of formatting it for Kindle and possibly other retailers. Then Rose Caraway will be recording the audiobook. I'm hoping to have the ebook out by September, so stay tuned.



Along with all of that, I'm in full-fledged marketing mode for the book that will probably outsell the other two a few times over and therefore deserves the bulk of my attention, from a business/logical perspective: Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3. Since this is part of a long-running series, which started in the year 2000 with Best Women's Erotica edited by Marcy Sheiner, then moved on to titles with calendar years before I took it over and we switched to Volume numbers, bookstores seem to be more inclined to stock it. Volume 2 was in over 50 indie bookstores and my hope is that more will sign on for Volume 3. So what am I doing all these months before the publication date? I'm making a list of long lead media for my publisher, Cleis Press, to send early galleys to. I'm booking readings for 2018 before bookstores fill up. I'm researching bloggers to contact about the book. I'm brainstorming with my social media assistant about what we will do in the months leading up to the launch so I am not sobbing in agony over having too much to do right before. Basically, I'm trying to set in motion a successful book launch, because the better the book does out of the gate, the better the chances that Volume 4 will do well. My hope is that if the books continue to sell well, I'll be asked to edit more of them, but even if I'm not, I want to make sure all the time, effort and money (I don't have the exact figure handy but I've easily invested thousands of dollars in promoting the series) pays off. If it doesn't, then I will turn to other income sources, because I'm 41 so am thinking about if I have a kid, how I will support them, not to mention retirement.

On top of that, I'm trying to launch a new series of online classes, for which I have to write the lectures and video scrips and learn how to use my new Blue Yeti microphone. That's another project that I decided to do to try to reclaim a semblance of financial stability for myself, because even though I'm on track for my business to have a six figure year and surpass last year's income, that doesn't mean 2018 holds any such promise. So there's a lot on my mind as I navigate all these projects, and any day now I will get edits back for The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2, the book that's coming out one month after BWE of the Year 3, and will therefore add a fourth book to the mix. For that one I'll have to finagle 68 author contracts (there's 69 stories in the book, but mine is one of them), prepare marketing materials, and more. So there's a lot on my plate, but as I said above, there has to be, because I need to be firing on all cylinders in order to make this whole career thing work.

When I break it all down like I have here, it's overwhelming. The only way it isn't is if I do a little bit each day so I can assure myself when I go to sleep each night that I've done the very best I could to provide for myself and my family, to make my authors' work seen and read, and to do right by my publisher (where applicable). Just as I never know how long any given employment will last, I never know if I'm about to edit my final anthology or not. Many factors go into those decisions but ultimately it's a matter, for me, of supply and demand. That may sound cold and artificial, but it's more than just business for me. I only want to produce books that readers want to read, and only ways I have to measure that are via book sales and reader feedback. I'll write soon about the incredible notes I've received recently that buoyed my hopes and reminded me of the human faces behind the numbers on a royalty statement. Those are heartening and incredible, but as much as that's true, I can't turn in a lovely handwritten note to my landlord. Or I could, but they could still evict me if I don't pay the rent. So that's on my mind, not because I'm in danger of eviction, but because until I save up several months' worth of rent, not to mention pay off all my debts, I won't feel like I have any kind of financial stability. The way I see all these marketing efforts is that while there's only 24 hours in a day, I literally can't afford not to market the hell out of my books. So that's what I'm doing, while also promoting my authors, especially my Best Women's Erotica of the Year authors, on social media. At the same time, I'm also trying to get as many worldwide authors as possible to submit stories to my upcoming anthologies Erotic Teasers and BWE of the Year 4, which can sometimes be an uphill battle and stressful because 90% of people submit in the last week, but until that happens I often think, What if I have to cancel this book after I've accepted an advance because there's not enough author interested? So, you know, no pressure or anything.

If you've read this far, you are very kind (thank you!). If you're thinking, Rachel, I want to help you and your books succeed. What can I do?, here's my answer: If you've read it or plan to read it, leave a review of On Fire on Amazon starting July 18th, no matter where you acquired the book, and/or Goodreads, or mark it as "want to read" on Goodreads.



Retweet when I Tweet about my books. Let someone know about my titles if they're asking about erotica. Ask your local library or bookstore to stock my books. Sign up to get a free copy of BWE of the Year 3 from me and leave a review. Lastly, you can think good thoughts (I know, that's super woo-woo, but I believe every little bit helps). It's certainly what I'm doing as I prepare to launch a new book into the world tomorrow.

All my January 2016 essays and articles

One of the things I started doing this month/year is keeping track of my income and expenses, and along with that, what I published and wrote each month. I know; why wasn't I doing this sooner? Well, I've always been among the last to do the things I "should," but I'm 40, and I'm slowly figuring out that it's better late than never.

So I decided on the last day of the month, I'll share links to all my paid writing that was published that month (I also blog once a month unpaid for Lady Smut, a site devoted to romance and sexy stories that I highly recommend if you're interested in the topic). When I had a full-time job, I also freelanced, but I always dreamed about working for myself. In my head, it was all about writing for many, many hours a day. The reality is a lot harder, and requires constant juggling. One day might be devoted to research and pitching; another transcribing; another writing and another editing or teaching and most likely, all of the above in some form. While I love what I do, I also appreciate in retrospect what I had at my previous jobs: things like paid holidays and days off. Now, if I don't write, I don't get paid, and that makes the stakes a lot higher.

I've gotten more and more used to the sometimes frenetic pace, but it also means there's less time to pause and reflect because once I file one story, I'm on to the next one, or at least, planning and plotting and pitching the next one. I do want to be able to count how many articles I wrote this year, but the reality is, some take under two hours to complete, and some, such as my profile of host of the podcast Reckonings, take many hours, between podcast listening, interviewing, transcribing and writing. Ideally, the hours balance each other out, and the more I work, the better I get at juggling the shorter and longer assignments.

Each day can get so busy and I usually end my workday planning for the next day, which makes it easy to forget what I did the day before, let alone the week or several weeks before. I've been a fan of Nicole Dieker's freelance earnings income reports (I also recommend her blog) and while I won't be doing that, I will be sharing what I've published.

This month also involved packing to move, moving, unpacking, some major book promotion for my latest anthology and traveling to Los Angeles and San Francisco for work, but if I've learned anything since become a full-time freelancer a little over four years ago, it's that no month is "typical." In February, I will also have some travel and will be cutting back a little on my freelancing to best focus on my LitReactor erotica writing students, but as I said, freelancing is unpredictable and while I have a few pieces I wrote in January that should run in February, beyond that, I have no idea what my output will be. Beyond setting a specific financial goal for each month, I aim to publish work in one publication I've never written for each month. So far, I've fallen short on my financial goal, but did write for two new publications, Broadly and Ravishly.

If you are interested in writing personal essays about sex or doing sex journalism, my next Sex Writing 101 class on that will be in Chicago on April 1 from 1:30-4:30 p.m. (details at the CatalystCon, although you don't have to attend CatalystCon to attend my workshop), and I also offer private consulting if you have an essay or piece of writing you're looking to polish and submit. Rates are at rachelkramerbussel.com (scroll down); I'll be launching a site focused on my sex writing consulting and classes in February with more information.

I'll probably hold off on blogging about my articles unless it's something particularly noteworthy until the end of February, but I do share most of my writing on Twitter and Facebook. Also, in case you didn't know, I sometimes offer suggestions for article titles, but those are chosen by the publications.

Broadly
"What Happens When a BDSM Author Converts to Christianity"

The Daily Dot
"Kink.com updates model rights following James Deen allegations"
"'Reckonings' is a podcast for guilty consciences"
"Kanye West and Amber Rose's Twitter fight inspires Etsy Valentine’s Day cards"

Mic
"These Dads Giving Honest Sex Advice to Their Kids Are Changing the Sex-Ed Game"

Ravishly
"Trying to Get Pregnant at 40 Is the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done" (at the moment the site is down, but you can also read it at Scary Mommy)

Salon
"How these 5 little words can jump-start an illicit sexual affair"
"Gay sex and gun love: Oregon militia-inspired erotica reimagines grim standoff as fun-filled orgy"
"Don’t feel guilty about buying used books: Writers won’t see a dime of that sale, but it’s the long game that counts"
"“Nudity will never be passé”: Penthouse, counter to reports, has no plans to stop publishing in print"
"Stop watching “Hoarders”: Our lurid reality TV obsession with mental illness has crossed a line"
"It’s “Dear Fat People” for TV: New “Fit to Fat to Fit” show oozes contempt, disguised as empathy"
"Memo to Kanye and Amber Rose: Straight guys can like “fingers in the booty,” too"

The Washington Post (Solo-ish)
"It might take you 121 first dates to find the love of your life"

3 things I learned from writing my now-defunct Philadelphia City Paper sex column, and how I'm applying them to my career

As I posted last week, Philadelphia City Paper will be shutting down with this week's issue. Last week's column was my final one. I won't bother posting tons of links to my favorite column since the online archives will very rapidly be disappearing. I also won't waste your time or mine lamenting this news, because I live by the Serenity Prayer. Since there's nothing I can do about the end of my column, I'm focused on other freelance writing and projects to make up for that lost income.

Here's the thing: I'm not a naturally glass half full kind of person, but I've had to be. Freelancing is the ultimate in at will employment, and I've had numerous gigs end, from my Village Voice Lusty Lady column to my stint editing Sex Diaries for New York magazine site Daily Intel. Just last month, I unexpectedly found myself with two short stories I'd expected to be published in an anthology, but weren't. I promptly published one on Lady Smut and submitted the other to Tamsin Flowers' Superotica Advent Calendar. For me, being pro-active simply feels much better than wallowing in bad news. It makes me believe the future is going to be infinitely better than the past, because I'm in charge of making it so.

So with that in mind, I want to share the three biggest lessons/takeaways I learned from writing 51 weekly columns for Philadelphia City Paper (there were a few weeks my column didn't run due to space issues).

1. Look far and wide for subjects

Yes, my column was published by a Philadelphia alt weekly, but I did my best to make it relevant to global readers. I learned when writing for the Voice that with the online edition, the column could be read by anyone, anywhere. I also didn't and don't live in Philadelphia, so I wasn't going to be able to cover too many local events, though I did take the time and spend the money to travel to Philly several times for local profiles. However, what's most fascinating to me is that almost everything I covered potentially could have wider interest. I wrote about a UK sex blogger's dick pics, which proved especially popular. Had nothing to do with Philadelphia per se, but it was about something many people were interested in, so it did well online.

I'd never written a weekly column before, and the pace often felt relentless. I wound up planning several weeks ahead just to get a grasp on things, which made it tough at the end to have already done research for upcoming columns and suddenly have no home for them. But that constant search for the new and novel forced me to broaden my horizons and seek out experts who I hadn't encountered before. I paid attention the world of sexuality in a way I hadn't been before writing the column, and I believe I'm more knowledgeable for that effort.

2. I want to have an impact on the world with my words

Going along with the potential global impact, I learned that I could break a story, and that I loved doing it. In January, my profile of my friend Crista Anne and her OrgasmQuest got picked up by numerous media outlets, including Jezebel, Refinery29, and many others, and led to Dr. Drew discussing it on his HLN show, including an appearance by Crista, prompted by the social media response to his posting about the topic. Seeing how fast and how far this topic spread, including to international press, made me realize I have good instincts. I obviously didn't know in advance the response the story would get, but this buoyed me when pitching other venues.

Last week, I broke another story about an acquaintance, based on what I'd seen her post on Facebook. My first article for Mic, "This Woman Is Fighting Fat-Shaming With These Awesome, Girl Scout-Inspired "Fatty" Badges," has now led to pieces at HelloGiggles, Cosmopolitan, Bustle, The Stir, APlus (Ashton Kutcher's website devoted to "positive journalism") and even People.com, and was even shared on Facebook by Planned Parenthood of Oregon. How could I not find that gratifying?

On both personal and professional levels, this feels good. It's not so much about outside validation, as knowing that my words resonate with others, and because of them, something I thought was powerful is becoming even more powerful.

3. I have to be the very best advocate for myself I can be

Finally, what may be the biggest lesson: I learned that I have to advocate for myself every step of the way. For instance, some of the early stories about OrgasmQuest didn't credit and/or link to my Philadelphia City Paper column. So I hopped right on email and asked for a link, and I believe every source I asked for did it. This weekend, I realized that I hadn't fully filled in my Mic profile. But my first thought was, "Why does that author get a photo and byline and Twitter link and I don't?" Then, Oh. I have to provide that information myself.. So I did, and it immediately appeared below my article. That happened when I published my hoarding essay with The Washington Post. The initial version didn't mention my Twitter handle; I'd read plenty of other contributors' pieces, so knew that was standard. I asked, and it immediately went up. It was a simple mistake, but one I doubt anyone else would notice.

That's why it's so important to know what you're entitled to, and stick up for yourself. I check anything that has my name on it, from articles to book cover copy (front and back), because my name is my reputation, which is what I use to help get me speaking and teaching gigs and new writing assignments. My sense is that a lot of people simply get grouchy or upset or vent when they seem something that seems unfair when it comes to their work, but I fully believe that what will get your farther than negativity is simply being tenacious about asking for what you deserve.

So am I upset that my column is over? Not really, because now my time is freed up to pursue bigger, more lucrative projects. I loved the column, but it's time has come and gone. I'm still writing my DAME sex column every other Wednesday, which I love doing, and will keep writing about sex, but also about books, babies, body image and whatever else catches my eye.

Goodbye, Philadelphia City Paper sex column, I've learned so much from writing you

Updated October 2Last September, I woke up on the Sunday morning of CatalystCon West to an email asking if I'd like to start writing a sex column for Philadelphia alternative weekly newspaper Philadelphia City Paper. It had been eight years since my Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice ended, and I was game. I've since written 51 columns, the latest on "Sexual Politics" and featuring a photo of Donald Trump, is my final column, and next week's, my 52nd, will be my last, because the paper is being shut down. As they wrote yesterday, in what had to be an almost impossibly tough news story to cover:

You may have read this afternoon that Philadelphia City Paper had been sold and would cease publication as of next Thursday, October 8.

This came as a surprise to us, too.

I want to thank Lilian Swanson for plucking me out of everyone else she could have chosen. Writing a weekly sex column was an incredible learning experience. You have to always be on top of your subjects and what's happening in the world in a way I had never been before. I got to see what it was like to have a column, and its subject, OrgasmQuest, go viral. I got to approach Valentine's Day from a polyamorous perspective on metamours. And so much more. Writing that column made me feel part of the writing world in a way I remembered from my Voice days, let me profile fascinating people and kept me on my toes. It let me feel part of a city where I don't live, but now live in its vicinity.

So what's next for me? I'm still writing my Shameless Sex column at DAME on everything from baby-making sex to questioning "orgasm equality" to sapiosexuals to being offered $3,500 for one night of sexual adventure, and looking for as much freelance writing as I can handle.

If you're an editor, I'd love to talk to you about contributing to your newspaper, magazine, website, etc., and can be reached at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com. I actually am looking for topics beyond sex, though of course I will always write about sex and dating, but I like to expand my beats of books, pop culture, body image, hoarding and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have several projects and essays I've been wanting to work on but haven't had the time, so I will be looking into those, and preparing to teach my next LitReactor online erotica writing class, which starts November 3rd, and prepping for the release of my 40th birthday and the anthology that publishes that day, Dirty Dates. So I have a lot on my plate, but will miss the challenge of this weekly column, and wish all the staff of Philadelphia City Paper the best.

Putting the full time in "full time freelancer," or why I stopped writing for free

When 2015 rolled around, I realized I had to make a choice: get serious about being a full-time writer/editor/teacher, or give up. That was before I lived somewhere where you pretty much need a car to get around, and not only don't I have a car, I also don't have a driver's license. That makes the stakes even higher; even if I could theoretically find a full-time job after being out of the workforce for four years, unless it was within walking distance or on a nearby bus route, it would be hard to get to.

More than that, though, I wanted to know I had given freelancing my all. I love the work that I do, the writing personal essays, interviewing people, penning two sex columns, editing anthologies and teaching writing in person and online. I enjoy and am proud of it, but if it doesn't bring in enough income to support me and, hopefully, in the near future, a child, it's not the right job for me. It didn't take me long to figure out that one drain on my time was writing for free. I've done it plenty in the past (all those Gothamist interviews, with smart, amazing people, I didn't get paid for, as just one of many examples), but now that I'm nearing 40 and want to build both peace of mind so I'm not scrambling to make rent and a safety net, free wasn't going to work.

So I vowed not to do it, even if it meant tabling a great idea or already written essay because I couldn't find a home for it. The one exception I've made is writing for group blog Lady Smut, and I consider that more akin to blogging here, which I also don't get paid for, than freelance writing, where I'd go through the usual channels of pitching.

I'm not arguing that anyone else shouldn't work for free; that's your call, and certainly some of my early free writing later helped me get paid gigs (case in point: Thought Catalog). But with 40 breathing down my neck, and especially lately, with costs of seeing a fertility specialist, almost none of which are covered by the insurance I'm incredibly lucky to have through my domestic partner, I'm even prouder of my resolve.

The greatest impact my decision not to write for free has had is it's forced me to pitch my heart out, to pitch places I once would have thought were "beyond" me, like The New York Times. It's made me bolder in seeking out opportunities, and writing outside of my usual beats of sex, dating, books, pop culture and hoarding, about topics like travel and tech and babies. This week, I'm finishing my first piece for a site I've been reading daily and am excited about writing for. I am starting to realize that my time in a day is finite, and so is my time here on earth. I could die tomorrow and I want to be proud of what I've accomplished, but also proud that I didn't spend 24/7 working or worrying about work. That's an area where I've failed a lot this year. I've let work take over my life and hinder my relationships with my partner and with others. I've let it dominate my mind, even when the amounts of money involved were relatively small. That's what I want to try to improve on, while still continuing to find new subjects and markets, to innovate and expand.

Something I don't think people realize is the costs involved in what I do, which goes back to whether I am making the success of RKB Enterprises, Inc., my company, a priority. There's always a line; how much time and money am I willing to devote? I've largely stopped traveling for work, because it's not cost effective; my three upcoming writing workshops, October 15th in New York, October 21st in Portland, Maine and November 8th in Washington, DC, all coincide with other trips I was already taking. My main focus is on teaching online, for both LitReactor and my soon-to-launch personal writing teaching website. I'm also planning to put more effort into my consulting business, where I work with erotica writers and sex-themed nonfiction writers to craft their work.

The truth is, it's scary to not know if any of it will work out. Any day, I could wake up to find my recurring gigs have ended, nobody's responding to my pitches, nobody's buying my books and it's back to the drawing board. If that happens, I will be prepared. These past four years of freelancing have taught me that while nothing in this business is stable, I'm resourceful enough to keep seeking and looking and trying and risking. For me, being a full-time freelance will never be a 9 to 5 job, because that's just not feasible for the work that I want to accomplish, but what I do strive for is to keep improving, both how I operate, and what I believe I'm worth. I don't know what that will look like a week or a month or a year from now, but I know that I want to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, into new ventures and opportunities, and thereby keep learning and making it more likely that I can keep this up for four more years, and hopefully many more beyond that.

These 2 erotica reviews made my tough week a little brighter

As I get ready to move next week, I'm spending my last few days exploring Red Bank, packing and catching up on work, but also reflecting on my two years here, going back to being a Jersey Girl, but as an adult not a child. One of the biggest changes in my life since living in Brooklyn is that it's a lot lonelier in Jersey. Part of me is a loner, so I didn't think I minded, but some days, that sense of not having anyone to talk to, to call and go meet for coffee, to simply discuss the ins and outs of this crazy up and down career I've chosen, get to me more than others. When I feel like I'm making progress and getting things done and advancing myself, I don't miss that camaraderie as much, but when I don't, like this week, I start to hit the job listings and wonder if I will ever be comfortable in a position that forces me, every day, to push myself toward the new and different.

What I've chosen by way of books, editing erotica anthologies, can also feel like I'm in a void. Whereas for five years I ran an erotic reading series and did all sorts of other live events, I don't do that as much anymore because I am in a different place in my life, one where I'm focused on the long-term (though stay tuned as a very special sex toy store and I are talking about a reading this fall). With my books, I don't find out how they're selling for at least six months from their release date, which can feel like an eternity. Even then, I get numbers on a sheet of paper, a plus or minus next to a dollar sign, a map I'm supposed to read to tell whether my books are doing well or bombing or just plodding along. It's tough because numbers are not emotional; they tell me how many months of rent I can pay with them, but they don't tell me about the heart of the book, they don't tell me whether the choices I've made, selecting these specific stories out of dozens or hundreds, were choices that resonated with readers.

Of course, the numbers matter; the numbers are what purchased the bank check that is letting me move into my new home. The numbers are what determine whether I'm granted the opportunity to keep on editing books or not. This is, after all, a business. But as much as I'm a businessperson too, I'm also, well, a person. I didn't choose this field to get rich, though I want to learn how to make it more sustainable. I don't even really feel like I chose this field, but rather that it chose me, speaking to me when I was on the verge of babbling and flailing my way through even more law firm interviews and feeling as out of place as I ever have in my life. It chose me and whispered, You can do this. I quite unceremoniously left law school and followed this circuitous path that has now led me to working from home, alone, yet not entirely alone.

Some of the ways I connect with people through my work are precisely by reading so many authors' work when I'm editing an anthology. Then once I've chosen the stories and my publisher has approved them, I may simply email the formal details of the book to the authors, but I try to do more than that. I know $50 is a pittance, yet it's the pittance I can pay, but I hope that I can give my authors something more than that. I hope that I can introduce their work to new readers; I hope that I can, in some cases, offer videos and audio and connection. In the case of Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, I can interviews these amazing writers and get a little insight into the part I always want to know: how did this story come to be?

And before that six month mark where I see the numbers, if I'm lucky, I get to see what actual readers think of the book. This week, one that was filled with the angst of parting with umpteen belongings and packing up everything I own and wondering if I should apply for jobs at casinos and chuck the hardest parts of freelance life, I got two unexpected and delightful reviews that made me think, maybe everything is going to be okay. That made me think, people out there want these stories. That made me think, thank you for pushing me to do my job better. So without further ado, onto these two dedicated, thorough, thoughtful bloggers who remind me that erotica matters to people, deeply.



The Frisky Fairy review starts out with its amazing title: "Best Bondage Erotica 2015 AKA: Rachel Kramer Bussel Encourages My Sexual Masochism." Wow! It goes on to say:

If you’re reading this Rachel, I need you to stop picking such hot erotica. It’s making it very hard for me to do my work reading in public.

See, the thing is that I got to the fourth story (“The Thug”) and my panties started getting noticeably wet. The fifth story (“Housewarming the Craftsman”) made me shift a bit, and do that thing where I let my panties slip between my labia and rub against my clit a little. The thirteenth story (“Auction, in Quotation Marks”) I was immensely turned on, and I considered going back to my tent, but I was helping my partner work a bit. By the sixteenth story (“Point and Click”) I could feel that fluttering in the bottom of my stomach that told me that I’d need to get somewhere soon or I might cum.

She's also got excerpts from three stories up for you to read, including "The Thug" by Sommer Marsden, “Auction, in Quotation Marks” by LN Bey and "Point and Click" by L.C. Spoering. Want to read more? Excerpts from all 21 stories and buying links are on Tumblr.



Next up Formidable Femme's review of Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica. It largely focuses on the queer and LGBT stories, which I especially appreciate. She crunched the numbers and found "Out of 24 stories, 8 of them featured queer characters, and 9 of them included sex toys you wouldn’t be able to find in any sex shop." Both of those aspects were extremely important to me; I wanted the concept of "sex toys" to be varied and novel and unique. I wanted it to expand beyond what we think of when we hear the term. Here's a snippet praising one of the most talked about stories in the book, "Gift" by Dena Hankins:

While I honestly enjoyed each story in Come Again, I truly loved, and was even moved by, a select few. My favorite story in the collection was Gift by Dena Hankins. Gift features two women in their 60’s and 70’s exploring lesbian sex for the first time. They have been sleeping together for a few weeks, but the story focuses on a new toy they test together, leading to a new level of pleasure neither woman has ever experienced. Gift not only turned me on, but deeply moved me as well. In the story, one of the women deals with physical disability and mobility issues. With the introduction of the new toy, she is able to reclaim her sexuality in spite of her limited mobility and engage fully with her lover for the first time. For the first time, my eyes welled with tears while reading erotica – a true testament to the undeniable beauty of Gift and Dena Hankins’ talent as an author.

Want a copy of Come Again? Below are some links to online stores where you can find it, and here's where to shop local.

Buy Come Again now:

Amazon

Kindle ebook

Amazon UK

Kindle UK

Barnes & Noble (Bn.com)

Nook ebook

iBooks

Kobo

Books-a-Million

IndieBound (find it at your local independent bookstore)

Cleis Press

I slept in a bathtub and other crazy things that happened last week

view of the Hudson River at Buttermilk Falls Inn, Milton, New York

It's Monday morning, a little after 7 a.m. (actually, it was when I started this, but now it's 1:13, because life happened). I've been up since around 5:30, reflecting on the utter madness that has been the last week. To some degree, as a freelancer and frequent traveler, no two days, let alone weeks, are the same, but last week certainly upped the ante on that.

I'm going to go a bit out of order, mostly because I'm incredibly impatient and don't want to wait to share the most exciting part (sorry, sleeping in a bathtub wasn't it). The week ended on a high note with the publication of my New York Times article on bookface. Researching it has made me view book covers in a whole new way, which is interesting because I'm sorting through hundreds of mine (my entire collection) in another attempt to purge the seemingly endless amount I own (if you're in the U.S. and haven't entered my giveaway to win one of my anthologies, do so now; the deadline is tomorrow morning). I've vowed to get my collection down to 10 boxes (from some 36, not counting books I've edited or have stories in). It's a daunting task but also a wonderful one as I get to discover books I forgot I owned.

My boyfriend suggested we take our own bookface photo with his photo book Tom Waits by Anton Corbijn, which I got him as a gift. So this was what we did:



So back to last week...I got to New York and then onto the Megabus to State College last Monday smoothly. Being in cars or buses is not my favorite thing in the world, but the ride was smooth. I got dropped off in a Walmart parking lot, and although I don't approve of most of what I've heard about how Walmart's workers are treated, I stopped in because I did need some things like seltzer and to use the bathroom. I didn't have a Walmart near me growing up and am not sure if I'd ever been in one; if I had, it happened maybe once. I immediately was glad there wasn't one near me, because I see how it's so popular: it has everything, including a bathroom I was free to use with room for me and all my luggage. And it's 24 hours.

Eventually, after getting some snacks, I made my way to my hotel, then met up with some of the women taking my erotica class (it wound up being all women, but was open to anyone). The class was wonderful, full of writers in various genres, including sexy ones, and newcomers to writing erotica. I was pleased with how it went, but also tired, and didn't get a lick of work done. The next day, Tuesday, my throat started to ache, but I hoped it was just travel and tiredness, especially because Wednesday my boyfriend and I were taking a rare mini vacation to Buttermilk Falls Inn in Milton, New York. I had a feeling, though, based on my brain's utter inability to work properly, let alone brainstorm story ideas or send out interview questions, that I might be getting sick. I slept the bulk of the five-hour bus ride to New York.

We didn't cancel, but I wasn't my best. Still, I was grateful to be in such peaceful surroundings breathing fresh air. We explored the grounds and marveled at the beautiful weather and ate way too much the first night, and even so, I took home almost my entire entree, save for the kale, because I'd also ordered what amounted to two appetizers (calamari and potato latkes). My boyfriend and I are not the best co-sleepers any time, but that's heightened when we're in an unfamiliar location. We have separate bedrooms for a reason.

I conked out by 9 p.m., and he left the room to read and then had trouble getting to sleep until he put in headphones. The next night was somewhat reversed, courtesy of the two cups of coffee I drank at dinner in order to stay up until a decently acceptable adult bedtime. Well, I accomplished my task and then some: he fell asleep around 11:30, I think, and I lay there trying to sleep, but couldn't. I had a feeling we would bother each other with our snoring and shuffling if we both tried to stay in the same bed, so I took the beyond comfortable quilt and moved to the floor. I can sleep almost anywhere...if I'm tired enough. I tried to calm my mind and get ready for slumber, but it wasn't happening. I almost forgot about the coffee until I looked up and saw the clock said 1:25 and I was nowhere near sleep.


my excellent salad, on the night I decided to just have 2 items off the wonderful menu at Henry's at the Farm

Rather than try to go in the hallway and possibly wake my boyfriend or other guests, I took myself and the quilt and Jillian Lauren's excellent memoir (out tomorrow) Everything You Ever Wanted and curled up in the tub. I was surrounded by the quilt and had a towel pillow and you know what? Engrossed in an excellent book, I was fine. I don't know how long I read, probably about two hours, until I decided I could reasonably doze off. I did, until morning when my boyfriend needed the bathroom, at which time I returned to the bed. I already felt out of sorts so adding one more oddity to my night didn't seem that big of a deal. In fact, I felt resourceful.



We got to pet llamas and say hello to goats and not get in the car for two days and just chill, until I had to do some work. Next time, I hope I'm not sick and can truly unplug, but that's not always how life goes. Then upon our return the weekend was a mix of chaotic and comforting. We resumed some of our routines and caught up on our TV shows and returned to our rooms. We each aggravated the other but also got time to talk and relax before "real life" returned today.



Now I'm catching up on all the things I meant to do last week but was too wiped out to tackle and gearing up for my next LitReactor class, which starts tomorrow (I will post here very soon with news of my upcoming August-September class). I'm also trying to cut myself some slack, especially since I'll be in Philadelphia on Friday to teach Erotica 101 at SEXx Interactive. I'm spending time I'd rather be doing anything else chasing down money, one of the more frustrating aspects of freelancing. But I also feel hopeful. I think there's a fine line I walk between realistic and hopeful, between dreaming big and zeroing in on what's right in front of me, between facing my fears and growing and learning and building what sometimes seems like a precarious mix of activities I call a career, and other times seems like pieces of a beautiful puzzle. I can't say for sure this week will be any less crazy than last week; all I know for sure is it will be different, and I will do my best to be ready for it.

I love lube, and want to know your sex column topic wish list

For my sex column this week, I worked in a Bon Jovi reference like the good Jersey girl I am, gushed about lube and talked to some of my favorite sex toy bloggers. It's not an "edgy" out there topic, as is meant to be my focus, but one that is truly about the sex "toy" I use most often and something that I wish I'd known about earlier in life, so I hope you'll check it out.

I've been enjoying überlube since discovering it via Unbound Box but I welcome your lube suggestions, especially because my bottle is running out!



And now for the shameless part of this post...I'd love it if you'd share the column with others (especially anyone who might have a good topic for a future column). I truly hope to be writing 52 columns for Philadelphia City Paper in 2015, but for that to happen, people have to read it, and let them know. It's not the most fun position to be in to constantly have to tack on "and could you please Tweet and like this?" I feel like both a broken record and that annoying person always looking for validation, like when I was little and would ask, "I'm sorry, do you still like me?"

BUT, and of course there's a but, that's the reality of the modern writing world. This column literally fell into my lap one morning via email while I was at CatalystCon, and it's been a thrill, coming in conjunction with writing my very first book, to have a steady weekly change to spout off about sex. Like anything other writing opportunity, it's precarious; as I know from previous experience, one week you can be in, and one week you can be out. It's part of the joy of what I do as a freelancer that every day is different, but also what makes me often envious of my friends with full-time steady jobs and paychecks who don't have to rely on their significant other for health insurance. So I will keep on being that maybe slightly annoying pest, but with the goal of getting to explore as many topics as I and you can think of. I asked for sex column ideas on Twitter yesterday and got some great ones. Have an idea for me? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "City Paper" in the subject line. And if you already have, I am making my way through my column topics, even making a week by week list for next year. Speaking of which, the sex writing fairies were extra kind to me this year because I'll be starting another sex column in January, this one online only with a different audience in mind and different tone, so I'll have even more juicy aspects of getting it on to cover.