Two men walk into a room and whip out their dicks...you won't believe what happens next!

I'm not going to apologize for this post title. I had to do it! You can find out exactly what happens in my column "What happens when a 'manwhore' podcast host gets naked with guests" about Billy Procida and his nude episodes of The Manwhore Podcast in Philadelphia City Paper. Missed any past columns? Read the archives here and send any story ideas, be they interesting people, events, subjects, fetishes, etc., to rachelcitypaper at gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

I'm teaching Erotica and Sex Writing in one month, March 27th, at CatalystCon

Quick post to remind you that at CatalystCon East in Arlington, Virginia, held March 27-29, I'll be teaching my three-hour writing workshops on erotica and nonfiction sex writing (click here to register), drawing from my 15 years of writing erotica and editing over 50 anthologies, and close to that many writing sex essays, sex columns for the likes of The Village Voice, Penthouse, The Frisky and now, Philadelphia City Paper and DAME, along with pieces for publications such as Cosmopolitan, Elle.com, Glamour, Harper's Bazaar, Salon, Slate, Time.com and others. We will go in depth in each class and you will also get resources and market listings. Any questions? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Catalyst" in the subject line. I'm thrilled to connect with and meet so many people again at Catalyst, where I'll also be on the opening keynote panel, moderating a panel on sharing your sex life, and my books will be for sale by Red Emma's.

This all looks prettier on the CatalystCon site but I'm just doing a quick copy and paste:

Writing Workshops with Rachel Kramer Bussel

Erotica 101

Friday, March 27, 2015 9:15am-12:15pm
In this three hour workshop Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories and Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You’ll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, and using social media to promote your work and do outreach. She’ll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market, including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided.

This class will take place on Friday, March 27, 2015 at the CatalystCon host hotel. You must purchase a ticket to this workshop separately from CatalystCon on the registration page. Register here.

Pricing: $45

Note: Student discount does not apply to this workshop.

Sex Writing 101

Friday, March 27, 2015 1:30pm-4:30pm
In this three hour workshop, writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Rachel has been a sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse and The Frisky, and has written about sexuality for Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Salon, xoJane and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.

This class will take place on Friday, March 27, 2015 at the CatalystCon host hotel. You must purchase a ticket to this workshop separately from CatalystCon on the registration page. Register here.

Pricing: $45

Note: Student discount code does not apply to this workshop.

Special pricing for both workshops: $79

**Attendees who would like the opportunity to get feedback from Rachel on one piece of their own writing (3,000 words or less), to be submitted prior to the workshop can purchase this as an add on to either of the above workshops. Fee: $20

5 things I'll be doing at CatalystCon

I'm gearing up for next month, which culminates for me at CatalystCon, the sexuality conference that I have had such an amazing time attending and being part of the last few years. It happens twice a year, in March on the East Coast in Arlington, Virginia and in September in the Los Angeles area. This year, I'm wearing many hats, so I wanted to recap what I'll be up to. Use code RACHEL for $10 off registration.



At CatalystCon East, which runs from March 27-29, here's what I'll be up to:

Teaching Erotica and Sex Writing 101 writing workshops

This is my second year teaching these longer (three hours each) writing workshops, and both times I've done it, I've been so incredibly impressed with the attendees. There is a huge level of knowledge, passion, ambition and trust that Catalyst attendees bring and the things they have to say definitely deserve a place in the mainstream world. Why should you attend my workshop? Because I've been writing erotica and about sex for over a decade, with 50+ anthologies edited and over 100 anthologies I've contributed to, including the major annual series such as Best American Erotica, Best Women's Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica and Mammoth Best New Erotica. Additionally, I've interviewed top editors and publishers about what they are looking for. On the nonfiction front, I've been a sex columnist for Philadelphia City Paper and DAME (my current gigs) as well as The Village Voice, Penthouse and The Frisky, plus written about sex for such diverse publications as Cosmopolitan, Elle.com, Glamour, Harper's Bazaar, Inked, Medium, Salon, Slate, Time.com, Time Out New York and others. No experience is necessary, just an open mind and pen and paper or laptop. You can register here.

Speaking on the opening keynote panel

I've never done an opening keynote before, and I'm both excited and nervous, though mainly honored to be joining this panel with Francisco Ramirez, Kristin Beck, Melanie Davis, moderated by Lynn Comella.

Moderating "Sharing Your Sex Life on the Page and the Stage" (March 28, 9:30-10:40 a.m.)

Joining me for this panel will be Cooper Beckett, blogger and founder of podcast Life on the Swingset, Twanna A. Hines, blogger, Metro sex columnist and creator/performer of one-woman Capital Fringe show I Füçkèd Your Country, and Jillian Keenan, who’s written about BDSM and sexuality for The New York Times, Slate and elsewhere, and is at work on a book on Shakespeare and sexuality. Full description at link above.

Making cards with ArtPulp


My amazing boyfriend runs the website ArtPulp, which you should check out if you like art, and will be at Catalyst making one of my favorite things: cards! Here's the official info and click here to learn more:

For a $5 donation to the Center for Sex and Culture attendees will have access to all the supplies they need to create handmade individual 4 x 6 postcards! Everyone will have access to markers, pencils, pastels, photographs, media, and more to help you create a card that showcases why CatalystCon is so important to you. Your CatalystCon Cards will become part of a special online gallery on the all new ArtPulp.net and available to view during the entire weekend. Plus Artpulp.net will mail your postcards to any destination in the US for you if you don’t plan on taking it home to hang on your wall!

Interviewing people for my sex columns

I'm writing a lot about sex lately, for my two sex columns in Philadelphia City Paper and DAME. As a journalist, CatalystCon always leads me to new subjects and sources, and was in fact the Catalyst for my very first City Paper Let's Get It On column, "Are you a slut?". So I'll be scouring the panel listings and looking to connect with as many people as possible who might have something interesting to share with the world. If you'll be there and have an interesting panel, story, product, event, etc., please get in touch at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Catalyst" in the subject line.

I love lube, and want to know your sex column topic wish list

For my sex column this week, I worked in a Bon Jovi reference like the good Jersey girl I am, gushed about lube and talked to some of my favorite sex toy bloggers. It's not an "edgy" out there topic, as is meant to be my focus, but one that is truly about the sex "toy" I use most often and something that I wish I'd known about earlier in life, so I hope you'll check it out.

I've been enjoying überlube since discovering it via Unbound Box but I welcome your lube suggestions, especially because my bottle is running out!



And now for the shameless part of this post...I'd love it if you'd share the column with others (especially anyone who might have a good topic for a future column). I truly hope to be writing 52 columns for Philadelphia City Paper in 2015, but for that to happen, people have to read it, and let them know. It's not the most fun position to be in to constantly have to tack on "and could you please Tweet and like this?" I feel like both a broken record and that annoying person always looking for validation, like when I was little and would ask, "I'm sorry, do you still like me?"

BUT, and of course there's a but, that's the reality of the modern writing world. This column literally fell into my lap one morning via email while I was at CatalystCon, and it's been a thrill, coming in conjunction with writing my very first book, to have a steady weekly change to spout off about sex. Like anything other writing opportunity, it's precarious; as I know from previous experience, one week you can be in, and one week you can be out. It's part of the joy of what I do as a freelancer that every day is different, but also what makes me often envious of my friends with full-time steady jobs and paychecks who don't have to rely on their significant other for health insurance. So I will keep on being that maybe slightly annoying pest, but with the goal of getting to explore as many topics as I and you can think of. I asked for sex column ideas on Twitter yesterday and got some great ones. Have an idea for me? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "City Paper" in the subject line. And if you already have, I am making my way through my column topics, even making a week by week list for next year. Speaking of which, the sex writing fairies were extra kind to me this year because I'll be starting another sex column in January, this one online only with a different audience in mind and different tone, so I'll have even more juicy aspects of getting it on to cover.

Oral pleasure: Blowjob kings and queens in my new sex column

My working title for this latest Philadelphia City Paper sex column was "Pleasure In My Mouth: Talking To Blowjob Kings and Queens," which, as you'll see, got changed to "When it comes to sex, don't tell me where to get pleasure". I still like my original so I'm using it here (blog editorial power, yay!). But the point was that in mainstream writing, "blowjob" is all too often equated with women delivering them to men, often just to please them, and I wanted to explore other configurations. Thank you to Raul Queue for a gay male perspective on blowjobs (or as he calls them, "blowjoys") and Sophie Delancey of TheArtofBlowjob.com, who I've quoted before, because I don't want to always be talking about my own sexual favorites.

If you like it, I'd really appreciate you sharing it or liking it at the top of the column. I'm working on columns about topics that are a little more off the beaten path, and welcome column suggestions at rachelkb at gmail.com with "City Paper" in the subject line. I can't promise I'll cover it, but I'm definitely on the hunt for topics I hadn't previously considered.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't also let you know that if you want to read fictional accounts of blowjobs, I've got two great erotica books for you (and a special November BOGO sale where if you buy any of my books from any store, online or off, I'll send you my ebook Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays free!).


Going Down: Oral Sex Stories (all kinds of oral fun)
Amazon
Bn.com
Kindle ebook edition
Nook ebook edition
Powell's Books-A-Million
IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)
Cleis Press
Audible audiobook


Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories (blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs, basically!)

Amazon
Bn.com
Kindle ebook edition
Nook ebook edition
Powell's
Books-A-Million
IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)
Cleis Press
Audible audiobook

Why does my vagina shut down after 8 p.m. and other sex timing questions in this week's column

My Let's Get It On sex column this week is called It's Sex O'Clock, time for a weekend romp and is about how I balance being part of a couple where one person wants sex at different times of day than another person, and how other people do as well, along with some suggestions on compromises. If you like it, I'd love it if you'd pass it on, comment, mention it on Twitter and/or like it at the top! I have tons of ideas for future columns and hope to keep writing it for a long time, but know much is riding on how many people are reading these first columns. That being said, I welcome ideas for future columns, nothing is off limits. Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Column" in the subject line and your ideas. Thanks for reading!

My latest sex column is on college campus Sex Weeks

Here's my second Philadelphia City Paper sex column, on the recent controversy over The University of New Mexico's Sex Week. Please check it out and if you like it, I'd love it if you'd like it at the top via Facebook and/or share it (we are using hashtag #cpsex on Twitter), to help my column continue. I'm also open to suggestions for future columns; email rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com with "Column" in the subject line. I've got lots more planned and next week I'm going to Philly to cover the Erotic Literary Salon.

My new weekly sex column Let's Get It On debuted in Philadelphia City Paper!

Big October news: I'm returning to my sex column roots with a new column called Let's Get It On in alt weekly Philadelphia City Paper, to run every Thursday. The first one is called "Are you a slut?" and is about The UnSlut Project, slut shaming and how we define and use the word. I've got lots of great topics planned but am also open to new ideas - feel free to email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Column" in the subject if you'd like to suggest a topic. On Twitter we are using #cpsex as a hashtag to discuss each week's column. Very excited a decade later to be writing a new column and I will share more thoughts on that later. For now I will tell you that my column is running on a trial basis and I would love more than anything to have it continue, so if you could click, share, comment, I'd greatly appreciate it. I hope that doesn't sound too desperate, because I'm not desperate, I just am honored to get back to my love of nonfiction writing and have the opportunity to respond to timely sex news events and share my personal experiences and get virtually naked.

New column: "I Hate Dating, I Like Relationships"

In some ways, the title is self-explanatory, but in others, it's a contradiction. Read the column to find out what I'm talking about!



“Dating” sounds like a dirty word to me, and not in a good way. I love traditionally dirty words in the right context, but dating? Not so much.

Lest that make me sound totally bitchy and antisocial, let me clarify: there is something about both the concept of dating, as well as the reality of awkward conversations, especially during first dates, that often zaps the fun out of it for me. All the things I like about meeting a new person or having a crush, about geeking out over what I’m going to wear and how it’s going to go, seem to get lost in the concept of “dating.” It sounds more like a dreary, awful job than something I should want to do.

Read the whole thing

My SexIs Magazine Secrets of a Sex Writer one-year columnversary

I realized I never really marked the one-year anniversary of my column so here's all of them to date. You can always read the latest one by clicking here. Tomorrow's mentions beginner's mind, Cindy Gallop's e-book Make Love Not Porn and quotes a piece on sleeping with a slut from Thought Catalog! They usually go up around noon, every other Wednesday. You can also follow @SexIsMagazine on Twitter.

"Unpacking My Relationship Baggage"

"Do Straight Women Need an After Sex Doll to Cuddle With?" (personal favorite!)

"Why I'm Taking The Year Off From Sex and Dating"

"Yes, Even Sex Writers and Call Girls Get Jealous"

"Skype Sex for Dummies"

"Is Social Media Ruining Your Sex Life?"

"An Ode to Pussy Waxing"

"My Year in Sex"

"Is The Handjob Passé?"

"Education Myself About AIDS"

"Sleeping With Married People"

"Ex Sex (Toys)"

"Attention Deficit?"

"The Nonconsensual Play Party Voyeur"

"Like a (Very Experienced) Virgin"

"Internet Dating Pros and Cons"

"Erotica Writes and Wrongs" (advice for submitting to my anthologies)

"10 Things I Want From My Next Relationship"

"Letting Someone Into My Bed"

"A Little Bit Poly"

"Loving My Body—Kinda, Sorta, Sometimes" - reprinted on Jezebel

"My Domme Side"

"Girl Crushes, Bisexuality and Bi-Curiousness"

"My 'Trendy' Post-Breakup Celibacy"

"'Are Your Breasts Real?' and Other Questions Not to Ask a Sex Writer"

My new official tagline

Thanks to sex columnist Audrey Ference, aka The Natural Redhead, at The L Magazine: (bolding mine):

Rachel Kramer Bussel
What part of feminist sex-positive cupcake-loving literary pin-up doesn't sound awesome? Rachel wrote the Lusty Lady column for the Voice for years and she is an author, editor, model, and just sex person in general. She runs the In the Flesh reading series at Happy Ending, and besides all of that is just about the nicest person I have ever met. Yeah, that's right, I know famous people. rachelkramerbussel.com

Book review: Live Nude Elf by Reverend Jen

I wrote this on Amazon.com, hence some of the blanked-out words. More info at publisher Soft Skull Press.

Catch Reverend Jen reading from Live Nude Elf on August 20th at In The Flesh Reading Series!



My review:

Live Nude Elf breaks the mold of sex writing and sex columns, not only because its author dons elf ears, lives on the Lower East Side, and is a self-proclaimed "art star," but because her wit, sense of humor, offbeat friends and mix of earnestness sans materialism are something we've seen unfortunately little of when it comes to sex writing. Based on her "I Did It For Science" columns for Nerve.com, Reverend Jen Miller gives her life story, as a misfit, artist, New Yorker and lover, without devolving into the same old clichés we've seen a million times.

Miller can get away with saying something like her a--hole is "smiling," because she's already walked us through all the research she's done to get to that point. She tackles her assignments not like they are acts from another planet, but with genuine curiosity, whether it's working as a nude housecleaner or doing a stint on a porn set. The people she meets along the way are more than just "subjects" or fodder for her writing; they are given room, here, to be as crazy, funny, obnoxious, and sexy as they want to be.

One of the most tender moments here happens when Jen is trapped inside a balloon at a fetish party. First, she's alone, then she's joined by a young man. "We stared at each other like we'd just climbed through a wardrobe and found Narnia. It was hard to believe the real world lay just outside the latex."

What I liked best about this book is that Miller doesn't have an agenda. Though she certainly gains sexual skills along the way, she's not looking to offer sex advice or flaunt anything. She admits to being just as messed up about love as anyone else. After a breakup, she writes in a chapter entitled "I'll Never Wash This Vagina Again," about her broken heart. "I was lonely and he was a good lover. And a good lover, no matter how cruel, is hard to give up. I needed rehab for my addiction to Nick's penis."

She dates musicians, enters her very own Sex Toy Olympics, hunts for rich older men and fresh young ones, watches the entirety of Sex and the City (the TV show), and learns to squirt. For much of the book, she has an affair with a bisexual couple (who both are into her, not so much each other). Love is as much as a part of Live Nude Elf as sex, and her artistic passion extends into the bedroom.

This is an excellent, funny, wild, yet also heartfelt book. It's a far cry from Carrie Bradshaw and company, who I highly doubt would ever want to associate herself with being an "art fag." Reverend Jen is a sex columnist for all the freaks, misfits, and artists who don't give a ___ about Manolo Blahniks, who wouldn't buy them even if they could afford them (which they can't). Her humor is intelligent, rather than simply playing sex for laughs. Take this book to bed and you're sure to get off, in more ways than one.