Podcast recommendation of the week: Sluts and Scholars

I'm starting a new hopefully weekly series here on Lusty Lady, Podcast of the Week. Over the last two years I've become a voracious podcast listener and love discovering new to me podcasts. They really stay with me in a different way than reading, and I can often listen while working (though not when writing). So for my debut, I want to recommend a new podcast, Sluts and Scholars. They cover all sorts of sexuality topics in a really fun, engaging way. You don't need to have any prior knowledge of the subjects. Here's how the hosts describe themselves: "Nicoletta is an MFT Intern (sexologist) and Simone is an actor and activist and they both like . . . . SEX, or at least talking about it."

I've especially enjoyed their interview with porn star Nina Hartley and recent episode on parents talking to kids about sex (title: "When Your Daughter Finds Your Dildo"). Check out all the episodes here and subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or your favorite podcast method, and follow them on Twitter and Facebook.



Have a podcast recommendation? Leave a comment or email me at rachelkramerbussel at gmail dot com with "Podcast" in the subject line!

At Salon: Q&A with creator of sex ed graphic novel for teen boys

My latest for Salon profiles Colin Adamo, his sex education for teen boys website HUSH and the graphic novel he's funding via Kickstarter, which I called "the opposite of a pickup artist guide."

Here's a snippet:

Young straight men are usually involved in one way or another in matters of unplanned pregnancy, STI transmission, sexual assault, dating violence, or homophobic/transphobic bullying. While there were a number of resources that I could point to that were specific to young straight women or queer youth, I hadn’t seen anything that was built for straight guys. If no one is speaking to young straight men directly about these issues it is too easy for them to ignore the importance of their role in the movement.

Read the whole interview at Salon

My latest sex column is on college campus Sex Weeks

Here's my second Philadelphia City Paper sex column, on the recent controversy over The University of New Mexico's Sex Week. Please check it out and if you like it, I'd love it if you'd like it at the top via Facebook and/or share it (we are using hashtag #cpsex on Twitter), to help my column continue. I'm also open to suggestions for future columns; email rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com with "Column" in the subject line. I've got lots more planned and next week I'm going to Philly to cover the Erotic Literary Salon.

Get a box of sexy goodies sent to your door, including The Big Book of Submission, from Unbound Box

I had heard about sex toy mail order curating company Unbound Box online, and started truly checking them out when they asked if they could post some excerpts from my books, and since then I've been exploring their site and loving all the packages they offer each quarter. They partner with wonderful small businesses and that's how I discovered Seagrape Bath & Body, whose Aches and Pains bath soak I'm eager to try after messing up my neck sleeping weirdly this past weekend.

I'm thrilled that The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales is part of their next box, the Erotic Education box, shipping in early September, and to offer you 10% off the cost by using code SUBMISSION10. What's in the box? You'll have to wait until it arrives on your doorstep or they announce it, though they have revealed that the other companies are Maison Close, Sustain and Babeland, but it will definitely be full of sexy awesome things. Here's their exact wording:

We're so thrilled to announce that our next Unbound Box, Erotic Education, will ship first thing this September! We've prepared a course load of the kinkiest goods and treats for this box as we explore BDSM, sensual massage and the most scintillating collection of erotica stories.

You can get a sneak peek of the book with their excerpt of my story "Reverse Psychology."

2 NYC events: Sex Ed a Go Go tonight and Lost and Found Show July 16th

Since moving to New Jersey last year, I haven't been doing too many New York events, but I have 2 this summer, and here are the details. Tonight I'm answering sex ed questions and July 16th I'm telling a story about the hell that was moving after 13 years in the same Brooklyn apartment!

Sex Ed a Go Go

June 26, 9:30-11 pm

Do you like Go-Go dancing and funny, knowledgeable chatty ladies with amazing cleavage? Then you definitely need to join us for the another installment of Sex Ed. A Go-Go at The Parkside Lounge!!! Sex Ed. A-Go-Go is one part ADULT sex Q & A; one part go-go revue.

We seek to inspire your libido and open your mind to a world of sexual possibilities one question at a time.

We'll be joined this month by special guest Rachel Kramer Bussel!!!! We're to talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING your sexy little hearts (and loins) desire!

Make sure you have lot's of singles for our dazzling go-go girl the amazing Foxy Squire and for our awesome raffle sponsored by SHAG brooklyn!!!

The Parkside Lounge, 317 East Houston, New York, $10 at the door or $7 via Brown Paper Tickets

The Lost & Found Show's "Souvenirs and Mementos" Edition

Wednesday July 16th

(Doors 7:00PM) 7:30 PM – 9:30 PM

The Gallery at Le Poisson Rouge
158 Bleecker St
(between Sullivan St. and Thompson St)
New York, NY 10012

21+ (No Cover)

Featuring stories about old letters, mafia funerals, strange rodeos, spell-casting grandmas, and apartment hoarders.

Tales from Rachel Kramer Bussel, Nelson Lugo, Alan Feuer, Sarah Maslin Nir, and Nathaniel Bates. Special Trivia sponsored by Porcupine Hugs.

New column: "When It Comes to Sex Education, There Are No Stupid Questions"

I was late so my column, "When It Comes to Sex Education, There Are No Stupid Questions," which mentions my friend Ellen Friedrichs, abstinence only craziness, Joyce T. McFadden's book Your Daughter's Bedroom and Violet Blue's The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot, ran this week instead of last week; next week's will be up on Wednesday, June 15th, and that night is the Big Jewcy party at Brooklyn Winery!



A little excerpt:


At the same time, I’m grateful to have even gotten some of the basics. I wasn’t getting it on in high school, but I was curious, and with my first partner I had to investigate various forms of birth control on my own. States and towns are continually battling about how best to education their children about sexual safety. The Illinois Senate recently passed a bill mandating that contraceptives be added to the curriculum for grades six through 12 (currently, they’re only required to teach about abstinence as a form of pregnancy and STD prevention). According to the Chicago Tribune, “Sen. Dan Duffy, R-Lake Barrington, argued that teaching students anything more than abstinence would encourage them to have sex.”

This argument comes up repeatedly and always sounds like the most ignorant thing in the world to me. Not only does making abstinence the standard not work for those who aren’t going to choose it, it also means that those who are having sex, or are simply curious about it, are going to have fewer people to ask questions about sex. It makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them for having those desires. News flash: there’s not. We should all be angry that those who want to promote abstinence as the best method for teenagers can’t open their eyes enough to see that not everyone is going to follow that rule.

Furthermore, the shame, ignorance and misinformation that can brew in those who are just starting on their sexual journey is dangerous. Central Florida Future guest columnist Anna Eskamimi writes, “My high school's sexual education program revolved around us, the students, being made scared to have sex. I remember, quite explicitly, hearing premarital sex compared to used bubblegum — ‘Who would want to chew used bubblegum?’ — was our guest speaker's main argument.”

Please read the whole thing and if you like it, spread the word (there are buttons at the top, or feel free to reTweet me or @SexisMagazine, always much appreciated)!

Read this book: Normal Gets You Nowhere by Kelly Cutrone

I just started reading People's Revolution head Kelly Cutrone's second book, Normal Gets You Nowhere, and I love it! I recommend her first book, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, too. For a book with that title, it was surprisingly spiritual, and I like that about Kelly, at least, what I know of her from reading (I don't really watch TV) - she is tough but also tender and spiritual. And a single mom! This one has a sex chapter that's pretty spot-on and she talks about why we need straightforward sex ed, after a stranger asks her for advice on giving a hand job, not because she's dying to know about theart of the hand job, but because she wants to wait to have sex til she's married but doesn't want her boyfriend to leave her. Cutrone is not afraid to curse or piss people off and breaks down both having a personal brand and staying true to yourself.

One of the things I get stuck on when thinking about my "brand" is, well, where do I fit in? If my "brand" is some version of "Lusty Lady," how do I write honestly, in fiction and nonfiction, about all the complicated/sad/dark/not-very-sexy aspects of my life? How do I still promote books as well as I possibly can, so they, um, sell, when I really would rather be writing than ordering postcards/doing events/setting up websites/etc.? So I read her looking for some guidance on how she became what I someday hope to be: a successful businesswoman. I've made many inroads as a writer, but the big things I want to do, like write a book, sell a book to a foreign country, and pay off my debts, I've yet to do, and I know I will, to some degree, not feel like I've lived up to my potential until I do, or at least, until I know I really fucking tried my best. Thus far, I've always run away from trying my best, often in the most spectacular, cataclysmic way possible. That's the m.o. I know. 2011 is, for me, about trying to live differently, to live better, to push myself without berating myself.

Check it out! More on it later, and I plan to quote her in an upcoming SexIs column on sex ed. Find Kelly at peoplesrevolution.com and @peoplesrev on Twitter.

Sex Under Obama

My friend Ellen Friedrichs has a great piece up at Nerve about Obama's policies on sex:

While I was teaching a sixth-grade sex-ed class recently, one of my students deviated from a discussion on the perils of puberty to ask, "Do you think Obama will have sex with his wife in the White House?"

Given the anti-sex climate of the previous administration, I thought the question was not just that of a twelve-year-old looking for a laugh. So puberty talk was temporarily shelved and I said, "I sure hope so." The kids looked a little miffed, but I meant it. A president in a sexless marriage is probably not someone we want with his finger on the button. If the last eight years have taught us anything about the subject, it's that a fear of sex doesn't make it go away. It just leaves people more vulnerable to the risks it can bring.

It's not that I envision the President endorsing the "Head O State" dildo, or promoting the benefits of masturbation for prostate health, but I'd like to think that in addition to having the occasional cocktail or staying up past nine, Obama will also be looser on matters regarding the sexual behaviors of the public.

Keep reading

And Amy Sohn has a very different piece up on Huffington Post called "Hope Sex: Real-Life Tales Of Getting Lucky In The Age Of Obama." I'm not really sure what to make of all the "I got in the mood cause of Obama" hype, which seems to be all over. It seems almost...juvenile. Not that the political climate doesn't affect how we live our sex lives, but something about the roleplaying thing weirds me out:

Stephen, the musician, suggests some hope sex may be fueled by the sexual appeal of the Obamas themselves. Handsome (but not too handsome), confident, and affable, the President-elect is popular with men, who like him but are not threatened by him. Obama is to men what Sarah Jessica Parker is to women.

"I've seen him with his shirt off and I feel like I could take him," says Stephen. "He is something my wife and I can both agree on, and I can be Barack and she can be Michelle. Maybe I'll suggest that tonight."

And there's info on this event here - Amy Sohn's on a panel with Ian Kerner, Esther Perel, Corey Silverber and Lenore Tiefer about sex on February 20th that I'm going to (and so is Ellen) about the sexual conversation in this country. Really looking forward to it.

I am not a sex educator. Pass it on.

I get the people will persist in calling you things that may or may not apply, but I am a writer. And, yes, an editor and a blogger. But one thing I am not and have never purported to be is a sex educator. Just because it's on Wikipedia doesn't mean it's true.

That being said, since my books never get reviewed there (but I hope some future projects will!), I'm thrilled to see my name mentioned in Publishers Weekly. But they are wrong on that count, sorry.

I will have more info on my Ravenous Romance e-book The Lust Chronicles (only $4.99!!) soon, probably next week, or hop on over to my Flickr account (and yes, I know it may be blocked, that's all Flickr, not me, just click through) and see the cover I hated and the one I lobbied for that is now the final cover, plus the Table of Contents.

I'm busy getting ready for my in-and-out trip to San Francisco. That just reminded me that I must make sure to get a burger at In-N-Out. Because I like hamburgers so much I even write erotica about them (and I used to be vegan!).

Sex and cupcakes at SXSW Interactive 2009

It would be super, super awesome if you like my cupcake blog if you'd log in to the SXSW Panel Picker and vote for my proposed panel "Nom Nom Nom: The Secrets of Successful Foodblogging" and also leave a comment. First you register, then go to the panel URL, then give it 5 stars. (It's easy, I promise. But if you have a problem, email me at rachelkb at gmail.com and I'll try to help.) The details are below:

What does it take to build a successful food blog? From niche single-food specific blogs like Cupcakes Take the Cake to broader blogs like Midtown Lunch, we’ll share the secrets of making readers hungry for more and attracting press and advertisers. Free cupcakes.

Panelists include (this may change slightly, but hopefully will stay as is):

Rachel Kramer Bussel (Moderator) of Cupcakes Take the Cake

Nichelle Stephens, Cupcakes Take the Cake

Zach Brooks, Midtown Lunch

Hunter Walker, Editor-at-Large, Digital City (formerly Associate Editor, Gridskipper)

Cathy Erway, Not Eating Out in New York

Also, some other great panels worth your vote:

Touching Me Touching You: How We Feel Technology by Cory Silberberg of About.com

Intimate computing is bringing real touch into the virtual world. But does computer mediated touch change the users, functions, or feelings about technology? We'll be looking at interactive clothing design, philosophy and teledildonic sex and peer into the future to answer these and other questions about socially acceptable touch, and touch that brings in the money.

Sex Ed Online: How Teens Self Savvy

Creators of popular online teen sexuality content—including the Midwest Teen Sex Show and Scarleteen.com—community educators, scholars and advocates discuss teenagers, sex, and the Internet. Content developers, parents and teens: Bring your questions, fears and hopes. We'll answer generational quandaries. Sexy prizes for the best questions. With Karen Rayne PhD, Heather Corinna, Nikol Hasler, Kris Gowan PhD.

How to Protect Your Brand Without Being a Jerk! - by Twanna A. Hines of Funky Brown Chick

You've already created content and a brand. Now, a copycat is making money pushing a product ridiculously similar to yours. Congratulations! Imitation is flattery. So, why are you pissed off? You're upset because it's unfair and, possibly, infringes on your rights. Learn how to protect your creative projects without going overboard...or broke. - I'll wait for her official word, but basically, she has created a unique site/brand, and has been dealing with another blogger trying to encroach on her brand by forming a similarly-named site, redesigning it to look a lot like hers, and covering the very same topics she did. When we did our Man and Wife podcast, the sites were confused by Shanda, an example of how easy it is to confuse people when it comes to names and branding online.

That's Not My Name: Beating Down Online Misogyny by Samhita Mukhopadhyay of Feministing

This panel explores the complex and violent ways that women are treated online, specifically feminists when they speak publicly about politics. Presenting some of the lead feminist voices on the internet we will discuss and share our war stories while offering tips for how to survive the anti-feminist internet.

DIY Empires: Taking Your Online Fanbase Offline

The internet has increased our ability to spread information and ideas -- and it's also made it easier for grassroots organizations to promote, market, and recruit a following. In this panel, the founders of three "DIY Empires" explain how to use the internet's community building power to create loyal, evangelical followings in the real world.

Panelists include Molly Crabapple (founder of Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School), Jenny Hart (Venus colunist and co-founder of The Craft Mafia), Chris Baty (founder of National Novel Writing Month), and Emily Bristow (Austin coordinator of National Novel Writing Month).

And moderated by Lux Alptraum of Boinkology/Fleshbot.

Sex Lives of the Microfamous by Rex Sorgatz, with Nick Douglas and Melissa Gira

What kind of person talks about their sex and dating life on the internet? Someone desperate for attention? Or someone who already has lots of it? For the microfamous, having a relationship in public is as much a potential career boost as it as a vulnerability.

Bloggers: You're Fired! by Zoe Margolis of Girl With a One-Track Mind

From anonymously whistle-blowing on your money-grabbing, corrupt colleagues in the Stock Exchange, to taking your employers to court when they fire you for blogging, ‘outed’ British sex-blogger Girl With a One-Track Mind moderates a panel to find out: have bloggers now got the upper hand?

Comics on Handhelds: Taking Webcomics Mobile by Dan Goldman, illustrator of Shooting War

Comics are evolving right off the printed page into an online medium all its own; what do new mobile hardware platforms mean for online/digital comics? Acclaimed webcomics creators discuss what portability means to expanding your readership, creating new business models and exploring new global distribution channels.

Did I miss something super-awesome I should know about? Let me know!

"Jesus loves you - and your orgasm" - Salon

I spent much of the weekend rapidly reading Dagmar Herzog's most excellent Sex in Crisis: The New Sexual Revolution and the Future of American Politics, the kind of smart sex book we need more of, which reminded me a bit of Cristina Page's How the Pro-Choice Movement Saved America. It's about the Religious Right and evangelical Christians and their take on sex. Salon has a piece up about it called "Jesus loves you - and your orgasm." I found the Christian married sex chapter "Soulgasm" fascinating, but not as offensive as Herzog did.

The rest, about our failings over abstinence education at home and AIDS in African countries like Uganda due to promoting abstinence over condoms to the tune of billions of dollars, is more than just disturbing. If you think we've come a long way sexually, well, we have, but not far enough. Herzog reminded me of the scope of some of these massive organizations, and also talks about how they mobilized and basically latched on to various causes, found new and improved ways to be publicly homophobic ("love the sinner, hate the sin" was their spin when out-and-out hatred failed), and basically tried to make their extreme views seem less extreme to the masses.

"For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights. Instead, what we have witnessed is a coalescing of conservative evangelical and mainstream secular perspectives on sex. The conversation on sex in America -- when sex is discussed in a serious and earnest way at all -- tends largely to adopt the parameters set by the Religious Right."

Assuming this to be the case, how exactly did it happen? Herzog's intriguing and deeply researched thesis is that evangelicals, over the last couple of decades, have beaten liberals at their own game by adapting liberal rhetoric for conservative ends.

As recently as 2003, for example, a certain public figure was arguing that voluntary prostitution was "despicable" because it "demeans the value of women" and promotes "the severe degradation and exploitation of women, the literal rape of countless women around the globe." Was it Andrea Dworkin? Catharine MacKinnon? The correct answer: pro-life Rep. Smith, R-N.J., whose distinctly illiberal purpose was to limit AIDS outreach efforts to prostitutes and sex workers in developing nations.

Or consider these descriptions of the female orgasm: "waves of pleasure flow[ing] over me ... like sliding down a mountain waterfall ... like having a million tiny pleasure balloons explode inside of me all at once." Erica Jong and Xaviera Hollander? Try evangelical sexologists Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. (Even their names are suggestive.) Far from scorning the pleasures of the flesh, evangelical and marriage experts -- recognizing, in Herzog's wry phrase, that "repression alone is not sufficiently appealing" -- have made their careers by hymning the joys of strictly marital sex.

"We think the G-spot should be seen as one more way God gave us to share in the pleasure of sex," announced the Revs. Paul and Lori Byerly, hosts of the online site the Marriage Bed. Evangelicals Melissa and Louis McBurney have endorsed oral sex, mutual masturbation and rear-entry vaginal penetration -- between spouses. The Rev. Charles Shedd has declared that he and his wife, Martha, like anal sex just fine. As Herzog notes, these sex-positive Christians have absorbed from the women's movement of the 1970s and 1980s "an interest in intensifying women's sexual pleasure," as well as "the frustration at male fascination with pornography and emotional nonpresence during sex." The result is a kind of "Christian porn," as sexperts guide their married readers toward the holy land of "soulgasm," where spirit and flesh come ecstatically together. If you follow the rules, Herzog writes, "magnificent sex will be yours forever."