Why Tuesday is my favorite day of the week

Today is Tuesday, which to me is my favorite day of the weekend, although I love weekends too, because it's payday. Since starting my part time copywriting job last June, which I go to three days a week, I've welcomed the change of going from chasing down checks that may or may not arrive on time to doing that but also getting paid every single week for the work I've done the week prior. I'd bet money (ha!) that having a steady paycheck has contributed greatly to my mental health, because I know that as long as I show up to work, I'll have that check, and can better plan when I will pay rent and bills.

From what I can tell so far this year, my book royalties will be the biggest source of my gross income, with my copywriting job the second, but the big difference is my royalties arrive four times a year and are utterly unpredictable. They've ranged from the very low thousands to over $17,000 and I have no way of predicting quarter to quarter what they will be, so I can't rely on them. That being said, I should receive my royalty statement for Q1 2017 next week and I already have a list of what I will pay for with it, including some to my retirement fund, some to debt, some to key purchases and some investing back into my biggest literary moneymaker, the Best Women's Erotica of the Year series.

This year, as I've become fanatical about bookkeeping and started truly analyzing the cost of each dollar I earn, I've realized how wasteful I was of both my time and money in my younger days. Projects like interviews for Gothamist, some of which I am still inordinately proud of, didn't pay. Others, like In The Flesh Reading Series, sometimes broke even and sometimes didn't. A wiser person would have parlayed that reading series into a book deal and/or a sponsorship. I didn't, which contributed to its demise when I felt like I was taking advantage of myself. I sometimes wonder, what could I have done with all that creative organizing energy that would have been sustainable in the long term? I don't think of it in a regretful way but more in a how can I apply this to my work life now? way.

This month I've been busy with promoting my latest Cleis Press anthology, On Fire: Erotic Romance Stories, finalizing the table of contents for the self-published rerelease of Sex and Candy and some freelance writing, and starting next week/month, I will be planning the first of many online courses I plan to teach, organized around my consulting and teaching site, EroticaWriting101. All of those projects and whatever happens after them are part of my strategy to stay relevant in the job market. I'll also be making a copywriting portfolio page and learning more about SEO and Amazon keywords. It's a lot to juggle, but I feel good about taking a proactive stance. I'm writing an essay about how I'm paying off a large amount of debt and while I'm not proud of having the debt I'm excited that I can see the light at the end of that damning tunnel and eager to get started on projects that have the potential to yield income for many years to come. Still, as long as they will have me, I'm grateful for my job, which is teaching me a whole new world and style of writing and outlook on the world, and giving me that Tuesday morning payday to look forward to. I am ready to make new mistakes (because I'm sure I will), but at least I won't be sitting around waiting for things like I did in my twenties and thirties, when I never asked for a better job title or advocated for a raise or anything else that would advance my earning potential. Now I realize that I have the power to at least try new endeavors, measure their success and go from there.

My Brides article on how erotica can help relationships

I'm thrilled to share my first article for Brides.com on how erotica can help improve your relationship. There are of course other benefits to reading sexy books but they asked me for ideas geared toward couples, so that's what I wrote, with wisdom from some wonderful relationship experts (and a few more pieces are in the works). I also gave some podcast and book recommendations at the end to get people started. So far online people have been all over the Fabio photo they chose, which I think is hilarious. He is still so recognizable as a cultural figure all these years after his heyday!

All my January 2016 essays and articles

One of the things I started doing this month/year is keeping track of my income and expenses, and along with that, what I published and wrote each month. I know; why wasn't I doing this sooner? Well, I've always been among the last to do the things I "should," but I'm 40, and I'm slowly figuring out that it's better late than never.

So I decided on the last day of the month, I'll share links to all my paid writing that was published that month (I also blog once a month unpaid for Lady Smut, a site devoted to romance and sexy stories that I highly recommend if you're interested in the topic). When I had a full-time job, I also freelanced, but I always dreamed about working for myself. In my head, it was all about writing for many, many hours a day. The reality is a lot harder, and requires constant juggling. One day might be devoted to research and pitching; another transcribing; another writing and another editing or teaching and most likely, all of the above in some form. While I love what I do, I also appreciate in retrospect what I had at my previous jobs: things like paid holidays and days off. Now, if I don't write, I don't get paid, and that makes the stakes a lot higher.

I've gotten more and more used to the sometimes frenetic pace, but it also means there's less time to pause and reflect because once I file one story, I'm on to the next one, or at least, planning and plotting and pitching the next one. I do want to be able to count how many articles I wrote this year, but the reality is, some take under two hours to complete, and some, such as my profile of host of the podcast Reckonings, take many hours, between podcast listening, interviewing, transcribing and writing. Ideally, the hours balance each other out, and the more I work, the better I get at juggling the shorter and longer assignments.

Each day can get so busy and I usually end my workday planning for the next day, which makes it easy to forget what I did the day before, let alone the week or several weeks before. I've been a fan of Nicole Dieker's freelance earnings income reports (I also recommend her blog) and while I won't be doing that, I will be sharing what I've published.

This month also involved packing to move, moving, unpacking, some major book promotion for my latest anthology and traveling to Los Angeles and San Francisco for work, but if I've learned anything since become a full-time freelancer a little over four years ago, it's that no month is "typical." In February, I will also have some travel and will be cutting back a little on my freelancing to best focus on my LitReactor erotica writing students, but as I said, freelancing is unpredictable and while I have a few pieces I wrote in January that should run in February, beyond that, I have no idea what my output will be. Beyond setting a specific financial goal for each month, I aim to publish work in one publication I've never written for each month. So far, I've fallen short on my financial goal, but did write for two new publications, Broadly and Ravishly.

If you are interested in writing personal essays about sex or doing sex journalism, my next Sex Writing 101 class on that will be in Chicago on April 1 from 1:30-4:30 p.m. (details at the CatalystCon, although you don't have to attend CatalystCon to attend my workshop), and I also offer private consulting if you have an essay or piece of writing you're looking to polish and submit. Rates are at rachelkramerbussel.com (scroll down); I'll be launching a site focused on my sex writing consulting and classes in February with more information.

I'll probably hold off on blogging about my articles unless it's something particularly noteworthy until the end of February, but I do share most of my writing on Twitter and Facebook. Also, in case you didn't know, I sometimes offer suggestions for article titles, but those are chosen by the publications.

Broadly
"What Happens When a BDSM Author Converts to Christianity"

The Daily Dot
"Kink.com updates model rights following James Deen allegations"
"'Reckonings' is a podcast for guilty consciences"
"Kanye West and Amber Rose's Twitter fight inspires Etsy Valentine’s Day cards"

Mic
"These Dads Giving Honest Sex Advice to Their Kids Are Changing the Sex-Ed Game"

Ravishly
"Trying to Get Pregnant at 40 Is the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done" (at the moment the site is down, but you can also read it at Scary Mommy)

Salon
"How these 5 little words can jump-start an illicit sexual affair"
"Gay sex and gun love: Oregon militia-inspired erotica reimagines grim standoff as fun-filled orgy"
"Don’t feel guilty about buying used books: Writers won’t see a dime of that sale, but it’s the long game that counts"
"“Nudity will never be passé”: Penthouse, counter to reports, has no plans to stop publishing in print"
"Stop watching “Hoarders”: Our lurid reality TV obsession with mental illness has crossed a line"
"It’s “Dear Fat People” for TV: New “Fit to Fat to Fit” show oozes contempt, disguised as empathy"
"Memo to Kanye and Amber Rose: Straight guys can like “fingers in the booty,” too"

The Washington Post (Solo-ish)
"It might take you 121 first dates to find the love of your life"

3 things I learned from writing my now-defunct Philadelphia City Paper sex column, and how I'm applying them to my career

As I posted last week, Philadelphia City Paper will be shutting down with this week's issue. Last week's column was my final one. I won't bother posting tons of links to my favorite column since the online archives will very rapidly be disappearing. I also won't waste your time or mine lamenting this news, because I live by the Serenity Prayer. Since there's nothing I can do about the end of my column, I'm focused on other freelance writing and projects to make up for that lost income.

Here's the thing: I'm not a naturally glass half full kind of person, but I've had to be. Freelancing is the ultimate in at will employment, and I've had numerous gigs end, from my Village Voice Lusty Lady column to my stint editing Sex Diaries for New York magazine site Daily Intel. Just last month, I unexpectedly found myself with two short stories I'd expected to be published in an anthology, but weren't. I promptly published one on Lady Smut and submitted the other to Tamsin Flowers' Superotica Advent Calendar. For me, being pro-active simply feels much better than wallowing in bad news. It makes me believe the future is going to be infinitely better than the past, because I'm in charge of making it so.

So with that in mind, I want to share the three biggest lessons/takeaways I learned from writing 51 weekly columns for Philadelphia City Paper (there were a few weeks my column didn't run due to space issues).

1. Look far and wide for subjects

Yes, my column was published by a Philadelphia alt weekly, but I did my best to make it relevant to global readers. I learned when writing for the Voice that with the online edition, the column could be read by anyone, anywhere. I also didn't and don't live in Philadelphia, so I wasn't going to be able to cover too many local events, though I did take the time and spend the money to travel to Philly several times for local profiles. However, what's most fascinating to me is that almost everything I covered potentially could have wider interest. I wrote about a UK sex blogger's dick pics, which proved especially popular. Had nothing to do with Philadelphia per se, but it was about something many people were interested in, so it did well online.

I'd never written a weekly column before, and the pace often felt relentless. I wound up planning several weeks ahead just to get a grasp on things, which made it tough at the end to have already done research for upcoming columns and suddenly have no home for them. But that constant search for the new and novel forced me to broaden my horizons and seek out experts who I hadn't encountered before. I paid attention the world of sexuality in a way I hadn't been before writing the column, and I believe I'm more knowledgeable for that effort.

2. I want to have an impact on the world with my words

Going along with the potential global impact, I learned that I could break a story, and that I loved doing it. In January, my profile of my friend Crista Anne and her OrgasmQuest got picked up by numerous media outlets, including Jezebel, Refinery29, and many others, and led to Dr. Drew discussing it on his HLN show, including an appearance by Crista, prompted by the social media response to his posting about the topic. Seeing how fast and how far this topic spread, including to international press, made me realize I have good instincts. I obviously didn't know in advance the response the story would get, but this buoyed me when pitching other venues.

Last week, I broke another story about an acquaintance, based on what I'd seen her post on Facebook. My first article for Mic, "This Woman Is Fighting Fat-Shaming With These Awesome, Girl Scout-Inspired "Fatty" Badges," has now led to pieces at HelloGiggles, Cosmopolitan, Bustle, The Stir, APlus (Ashton Kutcher's website devoted to "positive journalism") and even People.com, and was even shared on Facebook by Planned Parenthood of Oregon. How could I not find that gratifying?

On both personal and professional levels, this feels good. It's not so much about outside validation, as knowing that my words resonate with others, and because of them, something I thought was powerful is becoming even more powerful.

3. I have to be the very best advocate for myself I can be

Finally, what may be the biggest lesson: I learned that I have to advocate for myself every step of the way. For instance, some of the early stories about OrgasmQuest didn't credit and/or link to my Philadelphia City Paper column. So I hopped right on email and asked for a link, and I believe every source I asked for did it. This weekend, I realized that I hadn't fully filled in my Mic profile. But my first thought was, "Why does that author get a photo and byline and Twitter link and I don't?" Then, Oh. I have to provide that information myself.. So I did, and it immediately appeared below my article. That happened when I published my hoarding essay with The Washington Post. The initial version didn't mention my Twitter handle; I'd read plenty of other contributors' pieces, so knew that was standard. I asked, and it immediately went up. It was a simple mistake, but one I doubt anyone else would notice.

That's why it's so important to know what you're entitled to, and stick up for yourself. I check anything that has my name on it, from articles to book cover copy (front and back), because my name is my reputation, which is what I use to help get me speaking and teaching gigs and new writing assignments. My sense is that a lot of people simply get grouchy or upset or vent when they seem something that seems unfair when it comes to their work, but I fully believe that what will get your farther than negativity is simply being tenacious about asking for what you deserve.

So am I upset that my column is over? Not really, because now my time is freed up to pursue bigger, more lucrative projects. I loved the column, but it's time has come and gone. I'm still writing my DAME sex column every other Wednesday, which I love doing, and will keep writing about sex, but also about books, babies, body image and whatever else catches my eye.

Goodbye, Philadelphia City Paper sex column, I've learned so much from writing you

Updated October 2Last September, I woke up on the Sunday morning of CatalystCon West to an email asking if I'd like to start writing a sex column for Philadelphia alternative weekly newspaper Philadelphia City Paper. It had been eight years since my Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice ended, and I was game. I've since written 51 columns, the latest on "Sexual Politics" and featuring a photo of Donald Trump, is my final column, and next week's, my 52nd, will be my last, because the paper is being shut down. As they wrote yesterday, in what had to be an almost impossibly tough news story to cover:

You may have read this afternoon that Philadelphia City Paper had been sold and would cease publication as of next Thursday, October 8.

This came as a surprise to us, too.

I want to thank Lilian Swanson for plucking me out of everyone else she could have chosen. Writing a weekly sex column was an incredible learning experience. You have to always be on top of your subjects and what's happening in the world in a way I had never been before. I got to see what it was like to have a column, and its subject, OrgasmQuest, go viral. I got to approach Valentine's Day from a polyamorous perspective on metamours. And so much more. Writing that column made me feel part of the writing world in a way I remembered from my Voice days, let me profile fascinating people and kept me on my toes. It let me feel part of a city where I don't live, but now live in its vicinity.

So what's next for me? I'm still writing my Shameless Sex column at DAME on everything from baby-making sex to questioning "orgasm equality" to sapiosexuals to being offered $3,500 for one night of sexual adventure, and looking for as much freelance writing as I can handle.

If you're an editor, I'd love to talk to you about contributing to your newspaper, magazine, website, etc., and can be reached at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com. I actually am looking for topics beyond sex, though of course I will always write about sex and dating, but I like to expand my beats of books, pop culture, body image, hoarding and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have several projects and essays I've been wanting to work on but haven't had the time, so I will be looking into those, and preparing to teach my next LitReactor online erotica writing class, which starts November 3rd, and prepping for the release of my 40th birthday and the anthology that publishes that day, Dirty Dates. So I have a lot on my plate, but will miss the challenge of this weekly column, and wish all the staff of Philadelphia City Paper the best.

Putting the full time in "full time freelancer," or why I stopped writing for free

When 2015 rolled around, I realized I had to make a choice: get serious about being a full-time writer/editor/teacher, or give up. That was before I lived somewhere where you pretty much need a car to get around, and not only don't I have a car, I also don't have a driver's license. That makes the stakes even higher; even if I could theoretically find a full-time job after being out of the workforce for four years, unless it was within walking distance or on a nearby bus route, it would be hard to get to.

More than that, though, I wanted to know I had given freelancing my all. I love the work that I do, the writing personal essays, interviewing people, penning two sex columns, editing anthologies and teaching writing in person and online. I enjoy and am proud of it, but if it doesn't bring in enough income to support me and, hopefully, in the near future, a child, it's not the right job for me. It didn't take me long to figure out that one drain on my time was writing for free. I've done it plenty in the past (all those Gothamist interviews, with smart, amazing people, I didn't get paid for, as just one of many examples), but now that I'm nearing 40 and want to build both peace of mind so I'm not scrambling to make rent and a safety net, free wasn't going to work.

So I vowed not to do it, even if it meant tabling a great idea or already written essay because I couldn't find a home for it. The one exception I've made is writing for group blog Lady Smut, and I consider that more akin to blogging here, which I also don't get paid for, than freelance writing, where I'd go through the usual channels of pitching.

I'm not arguing that anyone else shouldn't work for free; that's your call, and certainly some of my early free writing later helped me get paid gigs (case in point: Thought Catalog). But with 40 breathing down my neck, and especially lately, with costs of seeing a fertility specialist, almost none of which are covered by the insurance I'm incredibly lucky to have through my domestic partner, I'm even prouder of my resolve.

The greatest impact my decision not to write for free has had is it's forced me to pitch my heart out, to pitch places I once would have thought were "beyond" me, like The New York Times. It's made me bolder in seeking out opportunities, and writing outside of my usual beats of sex, dating, books, pop culture and hoarding, about topics like travel and tech and babies. This week, I'm finishing my first piece for a site I've been reading daily and am excited about writing for. I am starting to realize that my time in a day is finite, and so is my time here on earth. I could die tomorrow and I want to be proud of what I've accomplished, but also proud that I didn't spend 24/7 working or worrying about work. That's an area where I've failed a lot this year. I've let work take over my life and hinder my relationships with my partner and with others. I've let it dominate my mind, even when the amounts of money involved were relatively small. That's what I want to try to improve on, while still continuing to find new subjects and markets, to innovate and expand.

Something I don't think people realize is the costs involved in what I do, which goes back to whether I am making the success of RKB Enterprises, Inc., my company, a priority. There's always a line; how much time and money am I willing to devote? I've largely stopped traveling for work, because it's not cost effective; my three upcoming writing workshops, October 15th in New York, October 21st in Portland, Maine and November 8th in Washington, DC, all coincide with other trips I was already taking. My main focus is on teaching online, for both LitReactor and my soon-to-launch personal writing teaching website. I'm also planning to put more effort into my consulting business, where I work with erotica writers and sex-themed nonfiction writers to craft their work.

The truth is, it's scary to not know if any of it will work out. Any day, I could wake up to find my recurring gigs have ended, nobody's responding to my pitches, nobody's buying my books and it's back to the drawing board. If that happens, I will be prepared. These past four years of freelancing have taught me that while nothing in this business is stable, I'm resourceful enough to keep seeking and looking and trying and risking. For me, being a full-time freelance will never be a 9 to 5 job, because that's just not feasible for the work that I want to accomplish, but what I do strive for is to keep improving, both how I operate, and what I believe I'm worth. I don't know what that will look like a week or a month or a year from now, but I know that I want to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, into new ventures and opportunities, and thereby keep learning and making it more likely that I can keep this up for four more years, and hopefully many more beyond that.

What happened the last time I got hate mail

To find out, check out my first article for Contently, "5 Ways to Use Hate Mail to Your Advantage." I learned a lot from the writers who shared their hate mail stories with me (not all of them made it into the final piece) and it helped me get some perspective on my unexpected hater. I was especially pleased because I've been reading Contently's great, well, content about freelance writing and hosting a writing portfolio on their site with many of my clips, which makes it handy to pass on to editors I'm pitching. I recommend it, and they were great to work with on this piece.

This also puts me on track to meet my goal of writing for one new publication per month (on average) in 2015. I have a lot more I'd love to blog about but I'm getting ready for my first trip to Thailand, where I plan to spend as little time as possible using my phone (save to take photos) or computer, and also writing two pieces a day for Salon, which may not sound like that much writing but takes up a good amount of my time. I will hopefully have a little time to post before I leave about my upcoming events and assorted other thoughts. Right now, I am trying to stay on top of the news and my writing assignments and spend time with my boyfriend before I head off yet again.