My Washington Post article on couples and debt, and how I plan to pay mine off

In many ways, my new Washington Post article on couples and debt (which also got picked up by their women's publication The Lily and was reprinted at by the Los Angeles Times) was a challenging one. I first submitted an essay about my personal experience with debt and dating, and was asked to expand it into a reported article.



That part was interesting as I got to talk to experts, including a three financial planners, a financial therapist and Bad with Money podcast host and author of the new book by the same name, Gaby Dunn. I've alluded to and once written about my debt before, but this piece had a higher profile, and I knew family members and friends would see it, and that was scary. I never want to look like a failure, even when I am. I'm not saying I consider everyone who has debt a failure, but for myself, I do, because the reason my debt is so high is my own doing.

I lived way beyond my means when I was in New York, and even though I haven't lived there for almost six years, the effects linger. Only in the last few years has my business grown in a way that paying it off is now in the foreseeable future. I had intended to have it paid off by the end of 2019 but had more expenses than expected, so that projected debt-free date is now the end of 2020. At the same time, in growing my business, I do need to stick to the "you have to spend money to make money" adage. So I'm doing things like attending creative business conference Alt Summit in March in Palm Springs (called Alt Oasis this year because it's six days long), considering hiring a publicist for my December Best Women's Erotica of the Year book launch and will be investing a lot of time into launching my online classes, hopefully by mid-March. Those things are all important to me for various reasons that essentially boil down to not wanting to do the same thing over and over and expect things to change. Having the classes will also help me pitch myself as a speaker...to places like Alt Summit. I meant to apply this year and a combination of stress and anxiety and negative self-talk prevented me, but I plan to launch a class on the subject I want to teach on, which will make applying easier.

The only way I will reach the next level in any area of my business is to experiment and try new things. I can't travel as much as I used to, and even if I could, in-person erotica writing classes, which I love teaching, can only reach 20-30 people at a time. My online class will be able to reach an infinite number of students all over the world. When I taught in Berlin last year, I had someone in another part of Germany ask if I was teaching there. Soon I'll be able to say yes to that. I'm looking forward to it, but it's also a commitment of time and energy (the costs so far have involved buying a microphone, which I did in...2017).

My point is, I'm doing a lot on the debt reduction front, and will be writing much more this year about debt and money, probably on Medium. But since I've lived with some for of debt my entire adult life, I've also adapted. I don't buy myself too many things these days, but when I turn in an anthology manuscript, I treat myself to buying a book, provided my local library doesn't carry it. I occasionally buy myself a Leota dress, although now I have a whole row of them in my closet, and got gorgeous ones for my birthday and the holidays. I've cut back immensely because what I want more than anything is to see a zero balance everywhere. I won't be going to New York too often. But I will make sure when I'm there I see one of my best friend's newborn twins, even if an extra day means paying for food and subway fare. I also need to have a life, especially to counteract the times when I work really insane, stressful hours, as I've done a few times over the last few months. I'm trying to move away from those but sometimes as a freelancer last-minute assignments happen, or I get sick and can't work as efficiently as I wanted to.

The truth is, part of me still thinks, Well, if you onlypay bills and necessities, you could pay off all your debt this year. I'd have to crunch a lot of numbers to see if that's strictly true. I could certainly come very close. But aside from the many business expenses I pay, from postage to buying books to send to authors to smaller things like renewing Flickr (yes, that's what I still use to post images on this here blog), I wouldn't be able to take my mom to Tribeca Film Festival as I did last year for her birthday. I wouldn't get to visit my family on Martha's Vineyard in the summer. I think the difference between me now and me back when I was accruing tons of debt is that I value every dollar I spend and consider it carefully. On our drive down to Virginia in December, I was proud of myself for forgoing my daily cup of decaf coffee and saving the approximately $2 it would have cost, because the craving wasn't that bad. But on the way back, I had a cup, because I knew I'd have a headache otherwise. What I most look forward to about debt-free life is not having to do all those calculations. In the meantime, my other way of tackling debt is, hopefully, upping my company's income by 20% this year. If I can do that, I'll likely have a lot more bylines and be able to look back at my 2019 work with pride.

My Brides article on how erotica can help relationships

I'm thrilled to share my first article for Brides.com on how erotica can help improve your relationship. There are of course other benefits to reading sexy books but they asked me for ideas geared toward couples, so that's what I wrote, with wisdom from some wonderful relationship experts (and a few more pieces are in the works). I also gave some podcast and book recommendations at the end to get people started. So far online people have been all over the Fabio photo they chose, which I think is hilarious. He is still so recognizable as a cultural figure all these years after his heyday!

Why the "for couples" in the Dirty Dates subtitle is a suggestion, not a mandate

Look closely, or even not that closely, at the cover of my new BDSM erotica anthology Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples and you'll see that the image and subtitle are trying to tell you something. "Couples" is the theme, what with the one kissing in the black and white photo and the "for couples" in the subtitle of the book.



Well, I'm not saying the subtitle is a lie, but I am saying it's not the full story. I get into this more at Lady Smut in my post "Why I believe in sexy stories for everyone", which I encourage you to check out. The week before they made it Dirty Dates week and there's lots of posts there riffing on the theme.

I believe Dirty Dates, like all my anthologies, has something for everyone interested in sexy tales. You don't need to be part of a couple, or kinky, or have ever read erotica before, to find something to appreciate.

Now I will do my duty as an editor with a brand new book out to tell you where you can buy it (and if you buy the ebook by November 30th, I'll send you a free erotica ebook as thanks):

Amazon

Kindle

Barnes & Noble

Nook

Books-a-Million (paperback)

Books-a-Million (ebook)

Powells

IndieBound (find it at your local bookstore)

iBooks

Kobo

Cleis Press

Amazon UK

Kindle UK

Amazon Canada

Sexy excerpts from my first 2012 anthology, Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples

Irresistible is my first anthology of 2012; isn't the cover HOT? Guess what? The inside is hot too, and if you click here you can read excerpts from all 16 stores.



If you like these free short story excerpts from Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples (click on the title to read the full introduction), please click "like" on Amazon and check out the entire book! Thank you.

As you can read, it's got everything from outdoor sex to BDSM to strip clubs to the military and more. If you’d like to review it on Amazon by February 28th (books go out mid-January), email irresistibleantho at gmail.com with “Amazon” in the subject line and your name, US mailing address and “Amazon” in the subject line. Fans of meatier stories will especially appreciate this book (I will not be reaching out to Mr. "there's no married couple erotica" cause I don't deal with haters, but he should totally read this book for lots and lots of married couples fucking). I usually opt for more stories at fewer pages but with this book I have 16 longer-than-usual stories, so for those who prefer more depth to their short stories, this book offers that, along with more depth to the emotional relationships. All the stories, as befitting the title, involve couples.

Coming in January: Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples

This is going to be a very HOT Valentine's Day read! A heads up. Yes, postcards are coming; I determine whether to spring for postcards or not based on how hot the book cover is. I'll be in Milwaukee doing an event at The Tool Shed on February 9th (details coming soon) so will have postcards with me, and am looking forward to my first Milwaukee visit and signing this hot-off-the-press book. I'm excited about the entire book, of course, but especially getting to publish new-to-my-books authors Tiffany Reisz and Kris Adams and Alyssa Turner and Delilah Night and Karenna Colcroft and (I think) Kate Pearce. There's a lot of new territory for my books, both plot and location-wise, and I think this pushes the envelope a bit. And there's some familiar themes; it shouldn't surprise you that after my story "Our Own Private Champagne Room" in Kristina Wright's Best Erotic Romance, my story here, "Exposing Calvin," starts off: "'Let’s go to a strip club,' I say, my eyes lit up." If this book sounds good to you, I'd love it if you'd click "like" on Amazon to show your support - thank you!

Coming in January: Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, published by Cleis Press. If you are interested in reviewing Irresistible for a publication or blog, email Brenda Knight at bknight at cleispress.com with your mailing address and publication's URL.

This Irresistible read features loving couples turning their deepest fantasies into reality, resulting in uninhibited, imaginative sex they can only enjoy together. You’ll delight in discovering all the exciting erotic possibilities, from serving tea naked to a very intimate massage to a reminder that sometimes best friends make the best lovers. Engage in a little sexting in A.M. Hartnett’s sizzling “Safe for Work” office tryst, and follow a kinky candidate for public office—and his lusty wife—in "Hypocrites." Cole Riley’s moving “Same As It Ever Was” shows that makeup sex can be worth fighting for. Dirty talk leads to lustful surprises and inspiration for the neighbors in “The Mitzvah” by Tiffany Reisz. As editor Rachel Kramer Bussel notes, the lovers in this daringly romantic anthology are “able to open up in the ways they do is precisely because they have another person to rely on, coax them, challenge them, tease them and seduce them into traveling down a new sexual path. Whether that means outdoor sex, kink, a trip to a strip club or a very sensual massage, we get to see how the layers of trust that have been built up get used to stoke the fire that burns between them.”



Pre-order Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples:

Amazon

Kindle (coming soon)

BN.com

Nook (coming soon)

Powell's

Books-a-Million

IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore

Cleis Press

Introduction (see below)

Twice Shy Heidi Champa

Safe for Work A. M. Hartnett

Repaint the Night Janine Ashbless

Same As It Ever Was Cole Riley

Out of Control Karenna Colcroft

Warrior Kate Pearce

Hypocrites Alyssa Turner

The Pact Elizabeth Coldwell

Exposing Calvin Rachel Kramer Bussel

Six Eyes, Two Ears Kris Adams

Renewal Delilah Night

The Netherlands Justine Elyot

Predatory Tree Craig J. Sorensen

The Mitzvah Tiffany Reisz

After The Massage Kay Jaybee

Pink Satin Purse Donna George Storey

Introduction

A lot of the erotica that comes across my desk focuses on the spark of attraction when strangers meet, the cataclysmic sensation of falling, hard, for someone new and exciting. That makes sense, because there’s built-in drama and erotic tension when two people discover there’s intense chemistry between them. With this anthology, though, I wanted to explore what happens after that, once those people have been together a while (even a short while). I wanted to see what sparks fictional couples could produce on the page, and the results are, well, scorching.

The couples in this book explore all sorts of exciting sexual possibilities, and one of the main reasons they’re able to open up in the ways they do is precisely because they have another person to rely on, coax them, challenge them, tease them and seduce them into traveling down a new sexual path. Whether that means outdoor sex, kink, a trip to a strip club or a very sensual massage, we get to see the ways the layers of trust that have been built up get used to stoke the fire that burns between them.

In addition to enjoying naughty, wild adventures, the couples here also work out differences between one another and handle issues like infidelity in ways that ultimately strengthen, rather than destroy, their relationships' longevity. In Cole Riley’s “Same As It Ever Was,” Joanne suspects her husband of cheating, but with a little help from her best friend, manages to recapture the sensual spirit and passion that’s been missing as both husband and wife make amends and move on, knowing what it was they almost lost. Rekindling a romance that’s threatened to go stale is also the theme of “Renewal” by Delilah Night, where she writes, “That touch sent a long-missing ripple through my body. I hesitated, hoping he’d remember what I love.”

In “The Pact” by Elizabeth Coldwell, a woman rediscovers a man she’d once passed over, only to find that the years they’ve spent apart have made him someone she’s sorry she overlooked. How a couple deals with a death in the family, as well as religious tradition, is the subject of “The Mitzvah” by Tiffany Reisz, as Grace and Zachary find that embracing desire can be healing. Kris Adams takes us into an African village and some complicated relationship dynamics, along with a lot of voyeurism, in “Six Eyes, Two Ears.” Kay Jaybee takes a common fantasy, that of a man watching two women make love, and breathes new life into it by showing both halves of a couple as they live out this dream.

Individual characters work through their own issues with the help of their partners, getting support, love and, of course, very hot sex. “Repaint the Night,” by Janine Ashbless, is about public sex, but, even more, a woman who is conquering a fear of the dark after being mugged ten years before. The erotic power of that story is heightened by Leah’s awe at being able to enjoy what she and Callum are sharing, as she recovers a part of herself she lost and deepens the level of trust between them.

For those who likes things a bit spicier, there’s "The Netherlands” by Justine Elyot, in which a nude Loveday serves guests tea and takes orders, while fulfilling a longtime fantasy of being “used,” with her true love there to watch.

Make no mistake: though these are stories about couples, they are not light or fluffy. They are full of joy, lust and kink, as well as realistic elements of mistrust, uncertainty and confusion, which the couples work through in ways that don’t gloss over or ignore their differences.

These couples, however long they’ve been a team, push the envelope by pushing themselves to try something new, even when they’re not sure where it will lead them. They go to those exotic, erotic places, to those recurring fantasies, because they know they have someone who will travel there with them. I hope this book will inspire nighttime reading--out loud--and erotic adventures, as well as conversations that have been bubbling under the surface, waiting to be exposed, just like the fantasies in the tales you’re about to read.

Rachel Kramer Bussel

New York City

The official Irresistible lineup

At long, long last...the hot hot lineup to Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples. I'm very excited to share this varied collection of stories, which includes many authors who I haven't worked with before. There's everything from a military family to getting over trauma to a sex scandal to a strip club (yes, that's my story) and much more! More closer to the pub date, including how to sign up for a free copy to review (I do that with every book, follow me @raquelita on Twitter for details). The book will have its own Wordpress site closer to the pub date, and I promise this makes a hot Valentine's Day gift!



Introduction

Twice Shy Heidi Champa
Safe for Work A.M. Hartnett
Repaint the Night Janine Ashbless
Same As It Ever Was Cole Riley
Out of Control Karenna Colcroft
Warrior Kate Pearce
Hypocrites Alyssa Turner
The Pact Elizabeth Coldwell
Exposing Calvin Rachel Kramer Bussel
Six Eyes, Two Ears Kris Adams
Renewal Delilah Night
The Netherlands Justine Elyot
Predatory Tree Craig J. Sorensen
The Mitzvah Tiffany Reisz
After The Massage Kay Jaybee
Pink Satin Purse Donna George Storey

Bargain price on Irresistible and sneak peek!

Who knows how Amazon's pricing system works, but I do know that right now, for however long it lasts, my February anthology Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples, is on sale for only $8.63! What a bargain.



I'll be announcing the full table of contents soon, but my story is called "Exposing Calvin." Here's a snippet:

I’m usually the sexual instigator, and I don’t mind. I have a higher sex drive than he does, but he’s never turned me down. I’ve been the one to introduce toys, to get him to relax enough to let me play with his ass while I blow him, to ask him to spank me. It’s not that Calvin’s repressed, but there is still a part of him that thinks that other people will care what we do in bed, that feels like someone—not necessarily G-d, but someone—is watching every time we do anything the least bit risqué.

That makes me laugh because I’m not an exhibitionist, either, save for my occasional low-cut dresses, and if I thought someone was watching me get it on, I’d be self-conscious, too. We both grew up in small towns with Jewish families that were on the more buttoned-up side, but I escaped at eighteen and never looked back. Calvin, I’m afraid, is always on the verge of looking back, and in our thirteen years of marriage, my job has been to pull him forward, into both the future, and the knowledge that he is an adult and can enjoy his body.

Sometimes I do things just to shake him up, like when I went on my last business trip and gave him a bottle of lube and a porn DVD that I’d originally intended to take with me. “I think she’s hot,” I said, pointing to Jesse Jane. I knew he’d been tempted to roll his eyes at me⎯the blonde with the big boobs, really?⎯but then I pulled him down into our easy chair and started whispering in his ear, relaying the filthiest fantasy I could think of that ultimately involved his cock shoved between Jesse Jane’s breasts. By the time I took his cock out and started stroking it, he could barely last a minute. I know that inside him lurks the heart and soul of a pervy⎯a nice, friendly, pervy⎯guy, and I like to bring him out to play when I can.

Sex Diary: To schedule Sex Dates or Not?

This week's sex diary at Daily Intel, "The Personal Assistant Deciding Whether to Schedule Sex Dates," is about a couple trying to have more sex - whether they succeed or not you will have to read the diary. (I edit these, fyi, which is why I post them every week. Sometimes people ask if I've written them and I'm like, "I'd have a totally different life if I wrote some of these.")

It made me think about the fact that I've never scheduled sex, but I do think, especially in New York, finding the time for dates, with or without sex, even when you want to see the person you're seeing, is hard. I have trouble with overscheduling and would daresay another vice, of a sort, is filling my calendar with things to do. A friend introduced me to a new cafe in my neighborhood and is basically planting himself there to finish his book and I'm gonna try to work off that energy. Anyway, sex scheduling...read more about it in the diary. I think maybe it's something easy to mock but if it works for people, why not?