New articles on breakup sex and open marriage

I'm a little behind on blogging because I've dipped my toes back into freelance writing, with an article on breakup sex in The Washington Post's Solo-ish section and an as told to interview profiling a week in the life of a woman in an open marriage for Redbook. Regarding the latter, I was thrilled that they asked me to cover polyamory in a total non-judgmental way that highlights the experience of the polyamorous person. These assignments were also great because when I have a lot of time I tend to agonize and overthink, but with only a few days and a little over a week to complete them, I had to hustle and get busy. In my forties, I'm finally learning the ways I work best and trying to use them to my advantage and I'm very grateful to these two editors for being great to work with and giving me these opportunities.

It's felt wonderful to get back to writing; I really couldn't muster any ideas or focus right after the election, thinking everything I considered was pointless, but now I realize that life goes on and that I have to continue to learn and grow and push myself so I'm working on new pitches and pieces that I will share once they are finalized.

I've got more articles coming up, so stay tuned to my Twitter and Facebook pages, and if you like free erotica books, subscribe to my newsletter on the left side of my blog or on my website. I meant to send April's last week but didn't get to it so it'll be going out soon with a giveaway of my new anal sex erotica audiobook.

Washington Post Solo-ish essay on baby fever and why I want to be a mom

I wrote about the subject I think about every day, and an incident recently that made me think about it in a new way: wanting to be a mom, and why being childless feels worse than being single ever did, for the wonderful Solo-ish section at The Washington Post. If you're not a regular reader, I recommend it; I learn a lot from the pieces I read there, which are always insightful (I don't mean that as a brag, humble or otherwise; I'm referring to the other writers, like Nicole Hardy on being a "female bachelor" in her forties and travel as her suitor and Laura Barcella on being a "crazy cat lady" and all the bylines you see there).

Here's a snippet of my piece:

In the minute or so that I helped her to those gulps of water, which still managed to spill down her dress despite my carefulness, I felt an overwhelming urge to pull her close and give her a hug. Her mix of delicateness and strength, her ability to communicate nonverbally, her gorgeous eyes staring back at me as if we weren’t strangers, all completely sucked me in.

If I could feel so much for a child I didn’t even know, who belonged to someone else, how much love would I have for a child I named and fed and cared for every day? That question haunts me.

Read the whole essay

All my January 2016 essays and articles

One of the things I started doing this month/year is keeping track of my income and expenses, and along with that, what I published and wrote each month. I know; why wasn't I doing this sooner? Well, I've always been among the last to do the things I "should," but I'm 40, and I'm slowly figuring out that it's better late than never.

So I decided on the last day of the month, I'll share links to all my paid writing that was published that month (I also blog once a month unpaid for Lady Smut, a site devoted to romance and sexy stories that I highly recommend if you're interested in the topic). When I had a full-time job, I also freelanced, but I always dreamed about working for myself. In my head, it was all about writing for many, many hours a day. The reality is a lot harder, and requires constant juggling. One day might be devoted to research and pitching; another transcribing; another writing and another editing or teaching and most likely, all of the above in some form. While I love what I do, I also appreciate in retrospect what I had at my previous jobs: things like paid holidays and days off. Now, if I don't write, I don't get paid, and that makes the stakes a lot higher.

I've gotten more and more used to the sometimes frenetic pace, but it also means there's less time to pause and reflect because once I file one story, I'm on to the next one, or at least, planning and plotting and pitching the next one. I do want to be able to count how many articles I wrote this year, but the reality is, some take under two hours to complete, and some, such as my profile of host of the podcast Reckonings, take many hours, between podcast listening, interviewing, transcribing and writing. Ideally, the hours balance each other out, and the more I work, the better I get at juggling the shorter and longer assignments.

Each day can get so busy and I usually end my workday planning for the next day, which makes it easy to forget what I did the day before, let alone the week or several weeks before. I've been a fan of Nicole Dieker's freelance earnings income reports (I also recommend her blog) and while I won't be doing that, I will be sharing what I've published.

This month also involved packing to move, moving, unpacking, some major book promotion for my latest anthology and traveling to Los Angeles and San Francisco for work, but if I've learned anything since become a full-time freelancer a little over four years ago, it's that no month is "typical." In February, I will also have some travel and will be cutting back a little on my freelancing to best focus on my LitReactor erotica writing students, but as I said, freelancing is unpredictable and while I have a few pieces I wrote in January that should run in February, beyond that, I have no idea what my output will be. Beyond setting a specific financial goal for each month, I aim to publish work in one publication I've never written for each month. So far, I've fallen short on my financial goal, but did write for two new publications, Broadly and Ravishly.

If you are interested in writing personal essays about sex or doing sex journalism, my next Sex Writing 101 class on that will be in Chicago on April 1 from 1:30-4:30 p.m. (details at the CatalystCon, although you don't have to attend CatalystCon to attend my workshop), and I also offer private consulting if you have an essay or piece of writing you're looking to polish and submit. Rates are at rachelkramerbussel.com (scroll down); I'll be launching a site focused on my sex writing consulting and classes in February with more information.

I'll probably hold off on blogging about my articles unless it's something particularly noteworthy until the end of February, but I do share most of my writing on Twitter and Facebook. Also, in case you didn't know, I sometimes offer suggestions for article titles, but those are chosen by the publications.

Broadly
"What Happens When a BDSM Author Converts to Christianity"

The Daily Dot
"Kink.com updates model rights following James Deen allegations"
"'Reckonings' is a podcast for guilty consciences"
"Kanye West and Amber Rose's Twitter fight inspires Etsy Valentine’s Day cards"

Mic
"These Dads Giving Honest Sex Advice to Their Kids Are Changing the Sex-Ed Game"

Ravishly
"Trying to Get Pregnant at 40 Is the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done" (at the moment the site is down, but you can also read it at Scary Mommy)

Salon
"How these 5 little words can jump-start an illicit sexual affair"
"Gay sex and gun love: Oregon militia-inspired erotica reimagines grim standoff as fun-filled orgy"
"Don’t feel guilty about buying used books: Writers won’t see a dime of that sale, but it’s the long game that counts"
"“Nudity will never be passé”: Penthouse, counter to reports, has no plans to stop publishing in print"
"Stop watching “Hoarders”: Our lurid reality TV obsession with mental illness has crossed a line"
"It’s “Dear Fat People” for TV: New “Fit to Fat to Fit” show oozes contempt, disguised as empathy"
"Memo to Kanye and Amber Rose: Straight guys can like “fingers in the booty,” too"

The Washington Post (Solo-ish)
"It might take you 121 first dates to find the love of your life"

6 podcasts that have helped me advance my writing career

Over the last few months, I've become a major podcast listener; almost every day, I listen to some portion of a podcast, sometimes several episodes, and I have no idea why it took me so long to convert to listening to them! I think I was convinced that my mind would wander too much, or that I was too linear to focus on them, or to truly absorb what I was hearing. But over the past few months, I've been listening to podcasts to help me grow my writing career and business, along with reading the work of authors recommended on these podcast, such as Jennifer Lee's excellent Building Your Business the Right-Brain Way: Sustainable Success for the Creative Entrepreneur (want to know more? Here's a great interview of Lee by podcaster Tiffany Han).

While I haven't listened to every episode of all the podcasts listed below, what's been remarkable to me is that even when I've only heard a few episodes, I've learned a lot from them. When I say "a lot," I mean practical steps that I then apply in my daily life and work. Not every episode will completely relate to my job, but another thing that's stood out is how much I can glean from people whose careers differ from mine. Even when the subject is writing, if you peruse the podcast episode offerings, you'll see all kinds of writing: writing books, writing essays, writing fiction, writing blog posts, writing for LinkedIn, etc.

The first podcast I started doing a deep dive into was Raise Your Hand. Say Yes. by Tiffany Han, which I've gushed about before. Most of the people she interviews are artists of one kind or another. Me? I'm not and likely never will be a visual artist. I can barely draw a stick figure. I'm not crafty. But the area where I've learned the most from these guests is about business, and that's an area where I am learning by leaps and bounds. I feel like I'm a very young person soaking it all up like a sponge. The best part is I get to apply these lessons, such as offering an early bird discount for my next Litreactor online erotica writing class. Plus I'm packing to move in January (just a block away, but still a pain) and listening to podcasts is something I can do while I stuff endless books into boxes!

You can listen to the first episode, the most recent one, or just pick which topic or guest leaps out at you. These will likely be of interest to those who aren't writers too, but if you're a writer or creative person of some kind, I especially recommend them. I've highlighted my favorites of the episodes I've listened below, but really, start wherever you want. And let me know what you think!

Beyond the Prose



Sometimes I think people don't want to know the nitty gritty of writing, how many hours of researching it took to craft 800 (or 1,000 or 2,000 or 10,000) words, how much transcribing and digging and cutting and revising and agonizing. But for those who do want to know, host Keysha Whitaker goes there. These are long episodes, and very insider baseball about much of writing, but worth it. I'm looking forward to listening to the episode where she interviews essayist Dinty W. Moore. I especially like that Whitaker shares her own writing ups and downs, including rejections, and encourages listeners to submit their work, but submit it smartly and study their markets like they would study any other subject. The interviews are great, but the shorter updates by Whitaker that start the podcast are perhaps the most inspiring, because they are so honest and relatable.

My favorite episodes

Sharisse Tracey on how she got bylines in The New York Times, Salon and elsewhere
Jennifer Niesslein on her literary magazine, Full Grown People
Lee Gutkind on creative nonfiction

The BinderCast (you can also read about it on the BinderCon website, and if you're in Los Angeles, I encourage you to check out their March conference)



BinderCast is new, which means you don't have to listen long to catch up and stay current! Also: check out BinderCon if you're in or near Los Angeles. It's a conference for women and gender-nonconforming writers happening March 19-20.

My favorite episodes

Roxane Gay and Emily Gould - especially recommended if you blog or write online
Jillian Lauren on memoir and permission


Raise Your Hand. Say Yes.



My favorite episodes

Creativity as an Asset with Jennifer Lee - Jennifer Lee is one of numerous smart creative people I've found via this podcast. I follow everyone who's interviewed because they teach me so much.
Jason Zook, who sold his future - I also bought Jason's book, written when he was Jason Surfrapp (he changed his name as part of his business model), and was inspired by his story and very novel, daring approach.
Todd Henry on honing your authentic voice - yes, yes, yes. Also, yes, the third podcast guest whose books I've bought based on hearing him on the podcast.
The myth of passive income - Brava! Han breaks it down that, sorry, there's no free lunch. There's hard work in pursuit of your dreams.

Solo-Ish (click here to subscribe in iTunes)



My favorite episodes

Host Lisa Bonos' parents' origin story - First, I think it's ballsy of Lisa Bonos, editor of The Washington Post's Solo-ish section, which I've contributed to, and host of the podcast, to interview her parents. But even more, it's ballsy of them to go there and talk about sex and dating and commitment and how they got together in a not-straightforward fashion.
Freezing your eggs - This one was tough for me, because I'm too old to freeze my eggs, and possibly too old, at 40, to get pregnant. But it's an interesting listen (ha ha, Freudian slip, I'm actually listening to a podcast as I type and I wrote "lesson" at first).
Cooking on dates - I've only cooked for people I was already committed to, not when we were still in the getting-to-know-you early date stage. So what's good to cook, and when? This episode explores that.

Write with Impact with Glenn Leibowitz



My favorite episodes

Tim Paige on growing your email list - sometimes I hear the words "email marketing" and want to immediately erase them from the existence of the English language. They sound so corporate and business-speak. But...but but but. Paige actually makes a lot of sense and marketing and branding and reaching readers are topics I'm personally interested in and ones I want to learn about so I can share them with my students.
Sarah Wendell on romance - my boyfriend walked in just as she was saying the words "cock," "pussy" and "arousal" - she breaks down some of the major romance subgenres and does a great job discussing the modern romance market
Sean McCabe on growing his business with writing - I don't count how many words I write a year, but I'm still impressed both with his million words a year and his take on writing.

Writing Class Radio



There's a lot to be amused by here, like the fact that this podcast is sponsored by host Andrea Askowitz's brother, that it has a homespun feel and that it's a podcast of a class, which is a little unusual. But when you dig deep into the stories, they are wonderful and break down the process of writing into its basic parts. I'm linking to Soundcloud because that's the easiest way to link individually, but they are also on iTunes.

My favorite episodes

"The Hardest Thing to Write About" - have tissues handy. Wow.
"What is the Story You Tell About Your Relationship with Your Mother?"
"The Lies We Tell" - I've been a liar and I've been lied to. Haven't we all?

Washington Post article on how to fight with your significant other

As you probably know, I'll take almost any opportunity to use my personal life as fodder for my writing. Which may sound bad, but is both honest and, I hope, I learn things as I write that can improve my relationship. That's certainly the case with my latest Washington Post Solo-ish article on "How to fight with your significant other." Thanks to Sherry Amateinstein, Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson for sharing their expertise. (In case you missed it, my first piece for them was on why I don't want to get married.)

My Washington Post essay on why I don't want to get married

My essay "I love my boyfriend, but I never want to get married" is up today at The Washington Post's Solo-ish section. The title pretty much tells you what it's about. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope you'll check it out. Yes, I'm pushing myself to pitch new markets and kick my own ass in light of the end of my weekly column, and so far, it's working.