How to manage a cluttered inbox

For my first article for Medium productivity vertical Forge, I wrote about how to deal with email overwhelm without getting to inbox zero. Basically, I had such a cluttered inbox with almost 2 million unread emails that I was missing important ones, including an acceptance from an editor. So I asked productivity experts to help me and now my inbox is something I look forward to rather than dread. Read more at Forge, and as always, if you like it, shares and claps (holding the hands button 1-50 times, with 50 meaning you liked it a lot) are appreciated!

The Frisky archives got deleted and I have mixed feelings

At Medium, I wrote about The Frisky archives getting deleted and my mixed feelings over having some of my most memorable essays (sex with a Top Chef contestant, if you recall) deleted. Researching this essay took me back to every time I sold a piece to The Frisky and was so thrilled. If you like it, please share, clap (hold down the hands button 1-50 times) and follow me on Medium, where I'm aiming to post 30 times in June. You can find me posting more frequently on Twitter (my favorite even if social media professionals tell me it's "dead"), Facebook and Instagram (and do follow the Best Women's Erotica Instagram too).



Also, in my early morning haste, I've now made this blog a mess. My apologies to anyone reading it on the blog page. I'm working on getting the layout fixed but also getting ready for my Berlin trip so it may look like this for a bit longer. Sorry!

If this month, and all my years of self-employment, have taught me anything it's that I have to prioritize. I'm still dreadful at that, but I'm trying, so since this blog isn't income-generating, it can't be my top priority, but I haven't given up on it. It's often the seemingly small tasks that I think will take five or ten minutes that spread into a half hour or hour and eat up my writing time, so I do my best to balance it all and focus on being the best businesswoman I can first and foremost, because without income, I...well, I would be in a very dire situation. So it's business first, all secondary things second. It took me so long to think of myself as a businesswoman, but last month I had a call to discuss a large branded content project and it reminded me that no, I didn't graduate law school and I don't wear suits and I constantly feel behind and stressed out (working on that too) and I ruined my blog code at five a.m., but I'm still respected enough in my field that people contact me about professional opportunities. That's a tradeoff I'm happy to make.

Speaking of priorities, one of mine that I developed at Alt Summit is finally getting my website revised. I'll be switching to Squarespace and am getting the copy ready for my web designer this week. I've got several fun writing and teaching projects in the works that I will share soon, but first I'm aiming to sell out my Berlin erotica writing workshop. Everything else happens after that.

Why I self-published Candy Lovers: Sugar Erotica instead of using traditional publishing

Learn why I self-published Candy Lovers: Sugar Erotica over at Medium. And of course, it's free on Kindle Unlimited or $4.99 for 35 sexy stories of food play all involving sweet treats. Follow me on Medium for more on self-publishing later this month as part of my month of Medium (30 posts in the 30 days of June) and of course if you like what I have to say, your shares or claps (holding down the hands button on the left of the essay 1-50 times) are much appreciated and help more people see it and me get paid.

My essay on Kim Kardashian West's White House meeting with Trump and slut-shaming

This is my month of Medium, where I aim to post 30 essays or articles, which averages out to once a day. I can't commit to once a day because I'll be in Berlin for part of the trip and attempting to be offline, but I'm pretty sure I can do 30, especially given all the ideas floating around in my mind. Today's post is about Kim Kardashian's recent White House visit to meet with President Trump about prison reform. Specifically, it's about all the people who slut-shame her and act like because she's a "porn star" she can't have opinions. If you like the piece, please consider sharing and/or clapping (holding down the hands button at the left of the essay for 1-50 times), which helps it get viewed by more people.



Also, to be forthright about my writing rejections, this essay got three of them from the places I submitted it to starting Thursday morning around six a.m. Two rejections via email, one from an editor I'd never worked with and one from an editor I have, both asking me to pitch again. The third outlet I didn't get a response from, but I submitted it as a pitch late Thursday, around five p.m., after the first rejection, and said I'd shop it around if I didn't hear back by Friday at 5 p.m. So then I decided to post it on Medium since its timeliness is waning.

How to use your professional jealousy to advance your career

I wrote about how I overcome professional jealousy and why it's so alluring over at Medium. If you like it, please consider holding down the clap button at the left of the piece for 1-50 claps, which helps more people see the essay and helps me get paid. It's also an examination of the new memoir Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist by Franchesca Ramsey, which I highly recommend.



Specifically, I focus on a chapter Ramsey wrote (I'm 99.99% sure) about Julia Allison. If you know who she is, I think you'll enjoy the essay, and if you don't, the below Wired cover is a clue, and you can find out more in the essay.



I discuss the folly of professional jealousy and the damage it can do to career advancement, so I'll add a little context. I'm typing this at 3:20 a.m. when I should be sleeping. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, especially in the years since October 2011 when I got laid off from my magazine job and have been forced to learn how to be self-employed. My business has grossed six figures the last two years (emphasis on grossed because I invest tens of thousands of dollars back into it and am investing even more this year), but I work hard for every dollar.

There's a lot of trial and error, usually more misses than hits, and, for me, the sense that I can never relax or let go. I'm starting retirement savings in my forties and have zero guarantee of future income. So while it may look like I'm a version of "successful," and I would say I feel somewhat successful, it's an ephemeral feeling. It's why I gobble up NPR's How I Built This with Guy Raz podcast and am reading books by the likes of Barbara Corcoran. Professional jealousy is really a time waster when you consider how many tasks go into building a business (yes, even "passive income" like book royalties). I spent part of Memorial Day making lists of which photos I have handy to post on the Best Women's Erotica Instagram account and drafting a so-long-they-may-not-read-it-all email to the authors in the next volume in the series (speaking of which, the deadline for the Volume 5 call for submissions is August 1, 2018, which will be here very soon). Most days my first waking thought is about my to-do list. So the idea that anyone would be jealous of my career seems laughable to me most days, because "success" doesn't always feel incredible and amazing. It's nice when I get a big (for me) royalty check, but I'm always aware that the next one could be half or a third or a tenth of that, or nothing. That keeps me in check and buckled down focusing on the next task or project or pitch (while also, of course, taking the time to promote the books and articles that are already out so that more people can hear about them, because that's part of this job too).

You can also follow me on Medium for essays several times a week, sometimes about books, sometimes about writing and publishing, sometimes on technology or travel or whatever I'm thinking about at the moment.

New by me: Facebook's marketing problem when it comes to sex

This morning I was fired up and wrote a Medium essay/rant, "Facebook Has a Marketing Problem, and It's Spelled S-E-X."



You can see by the responses that I'm not the only one. If you read it, you'll learn I actually respect their decision to refuse adult product ads (though it's frustrating as an erotica editor). However, I'm specifically calling them out on sending me emails and courting my ad dollars on my page, when they will never accept said ads. To me, that's a bad user experience and bad business.

If you like the piece, please click the hands on the left and "clap" for it by holding it down for 1 to 50 claps. The more claps it gets, the more people who see it, and the more I get paid. I'm being told that someone from Facebook will be checking it out, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'm a needy writer - here's my essay on why I feel unworthy because Twitter didn't verify my account

My latest Medium essay is up. It's called "I Feel Dumb for Feeling Dumb That Twitter Didn't Verify My Account. Hope you enjoy it, and if you do, I'd appreciate your claps (what happens when you click the little hand symbol at the left of the essay and hold it down for 1-50 "claps," which are Medium's way of determining reader engagement and author pay). Thanks for reading and for validating me (kidding, sort of).

How to make money writing about your sex life and 5 times I did

I've been writing about my sex life for over a decade, and probably will for the rest of my life. For me, it's part of how I learn about myself and my relationships and how my sexuality is impacted by the world around me. It's also part of how I make my living. It makes sense that the only place (so far) I've taught my nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop is at CatalystCon, because the audience for this wonderful conference is people who work in sexuality or blog about it or are somehow involved in it. Many are sex nerds, and I would bet everyone attending has something to say about sex that differs from the mainstream culture and could be of interest to an editor. Just take a look at the speaker list.

This will be my second time teaching Sex Writing 101, and we cover a lot of ground in 3 hours and I'll be asking people to think about potential pieces with an eye to submitting. No, not everyone wants to write about their sex life, but you can get published, and can use a pseudonym, and so often it's about how you frame what you're writing about. It's not about having an "out there" sex life (though if you do, that can be fodder), but about thinking about what you want to write and how you can craft the best piece possible to catch an editor's eye.

Below are the details of my September 12th erotica and sex writing workshops, and if I can answer any questions about the workshops, email me at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com with "Catalyst" in the subject line.

But first, here are 5 times (of many, probably hundreds) I got paid to write about my sex life. Take my workshop and I'll teach you how you can too! I'll do a separate post about sex journalism, which I will also teach in the workshop. Can't make Catalyst but want to place a sex essay? My consulting rates are at rachelkramerbussel.com

"Is My Vibrator Ruining My Relationship?," Salon

"Baby Talk," Salon (on age play and fetishes)

"Sexting Advice for Tiger" (Woods), The Daily Beast

"Girl Talk: I Want My Boyfriend to Fantasize About Other Women," The Frisky

"I Don't Want or Need an App to Measure My Sex Life," Boinkology, Medium

September 12, 9:15 am-12:15 pm
Erotica 101 writing workshop, Los Angeles before CatalystCon
In this three hour workshop Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories and Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You’ll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, and using social media to promote your work and do outreach. She’ll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market, including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided. $45 (or $79 with pre-CataystCon Sex Writing 101, see below).
The Westin Los Angeles Airport, 5400 West Century Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90045

September 12, 1:30-4:30 pm
Sex Writing 101 workshop, Los Angeles before CatalystCon
In this three hour workshop, writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Rachel has been a sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse and The Frisky, and has written about sexuality for Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Salon, xoJane and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided. $45 (or $79 with pre-CatalystCon Erotica 101, see above)

**Attendees who would like the opportunity to get feedback from Rachel on one piece of their own writing (3,000 words or less), to be submitted prior to the workshop can purchase this as an add on to either of the above workshops. Fee: $20
The Westin Los Angeles Airport, 5400 West Century Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90045

Amazon gets deeper into social shopping with linked Facebook accounts

Yes, I do check Amazon every morning as part of my nerdy book editor due diligence to see how my books are doing. This is what I saw this morning, and I wrote about it at Medium. If you like it, I'd love it if you'd click "Recommend" at the bottom.

10 favorite things I wrote in 2013

Or rather, my 10 favorite pieces I wrote that got published in 2013. I'm starting off the new year with a new print publication credit, and I hope many more! In no particular order:

"Why Every Day Is No-Pants Day For Me" at Refinery29

"Welcome to 'Fun Home,' The Queerest Musical Ever Made About Growing Up In A Funeral Home" at BuzzFeed LGBT

"Kinky, Sober and Free: BDSM in Recovery" at The Fix

Interview with Carry On, Warrior author and Momastery blogger Glennon Doyle Melton at The Fix

"Hoarding Isn't Fashionable or Glamorous" at The Toast

"James Gandolfini Was My Celebrity Crush" at Medium

"Dear Mrs. Hall: Boys and Men Can See Sexy Selfies and Still Respect Women" at Boinkology 101 at Medium (should have added "And Girls" to the title though)

"Organic, Fair Trade Porn: On The Hunt for Ethical Smut" at The Daily Beast

"Erotic Lit Your Grandmother Will Like" at The Daily Beast

"What I Learned From My Stalker" at TueNight

Cory Booker's Tweets with a stripper (yes, I'm voting for him)

My latest Medium piece is titled "I Don’t Care That Cory Booker Tweeted With a Stripper, I’m Still Voting for Him" - that pretty much says it all, though there is a bit in there about a job offer for stripper Lynsie Lee I found interesting. If you like it, I once again ask that you click "recommend" at the bottom - I'm a huge fan of the site and want to keep writing for them! You can also leave notes on the piece, whether you agree or disagree with me. Thanks.

On sexy selfies, slut shaming, teenagers and respect

My latest for the Boinkology sex and tech collection at Medium is "Dear Mrs. Hall: Boys and Men Can See Sexy Selfies and Still Respect Women" (and I meant "still respect girls" too), subtitled "Why Kim Hall’s viral FYI selfie letter is as insulting to teenage boys as it is to teenage girls," about the infamous blog post going around. If you like it, please click "recommend" at the bottom, which helps more people see it and helps keep me writing for Medium, which is a site I highly recommend checking out (there are posts about pretty much everything). Here's part of the piece:

Taking this idea that one image can sear itself indelibly into a boy’s mind one step further into the real world—does this mean that if a girl wears a skimpy outfit to school, by extension her sons will never be able to respect her as a person? What if in high school or college or beyond she flashes her breasts, or makes out with him, or even sleeps with him? Will he never be able to be friends or colleagues with her?

Read the whole thing

My Go Topless Day article, about bare breasts and feminism

My latest for Medium is "On Go Topless Day, a look at topless activism and the law" (subtitle: "Should women defend our right to bare our breasts in public?") and I will once again ask that if you like it, click "recommend" at the bottom. I hope this piece leads to more writing for them, and the recommends help. The article is about today being Go Topless Day, women who've been arrested for going topless , and a look at topless and topfree activism, with detours into things like nurse-ins and the journalist who took her top off in the middle of interviewing a mayor. How could I not find this subject fascinating? If you click on the link in my article for The Outdoor Co-Ed Topless Pulp Fiction Society, you can see some photos of my boobs, and a different topless lady reading my book Cheeky Spanking Stories, along with us in the Washington Square Park fountain, enjoying gelato, and generally having a wonderful day. if you're into that kind of thing. I hope to cover (pun intended--there are many to be made!) another of their events soon.

How to Use Technology to Write Erotica and 9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex

I wrote 2 recent pieces about two of my favorite topics: erotica and books! "5 Ways To Use Technology to Write Erotica" - I link to a couple current calls for submissions for anthologies and offer up ways to brainstorm erotic story ideas. I will be ballsy/annoying and ask that if you like my Medium piece, you click "recommend" at the bottom -- I really appreciate it! And if you want in-person erotica advice, I'm teaching Erotica 101 September 27th at The Tool Shed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and November 12th at Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, New Mexico (and am always open to teaching at new venues, email me at rachelkb at gmail.com for my rates).

"9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex" at Bustle (yes, Bussel on Bustle) - leading off with this week's release, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin by Nicole J. Hardy, which I highly recommend. More on that one soon, but I think it speaks so much to the longing for connection and intimacy, and the ways that often religion (in this case, Mormonism), doesn't provide that. But it's also about self-discovery and travel and independence and is a lovely memoir.

An iPhone app will now calculate how good your sex life is

My latest Medium post is called "I Don't Want or Need an App to Measure My Sex Life." If you like it, please click "recommend" at the bottom and spread the word. And I took my Hitachi Magic Wand for a sex drive:



This isn't really related, other than to say that while I don't want badges for having sex (you earn them using Spreadsheets), even on Hannukah, I do highly recommend the JetBlue badges program. If you already fly JetBlue, it's totally worth it. You get frequent flyer miles just for joining, and then more when you earn badges for travel, social media use and other things. I have a few trips coming up with JetBlue: Burlington, Vermont, Charleston, South Carolina and Albuquerque, New Mexico--I chose the latter in part because JetBlue had cheap flights, $133 each way. But really I'm such a booster for them because they make flying as easy as possible. They don't charge for the first checked bag, which I so appreciate; for other airlines, I'd rather pay more for my ticket price and not have to fork over an extra $25 each way for my luggage. I just overall have had good experiences with JetBlue, though I check prices and fly whichever airline is cheapest.

2 new articles: "Sympathy for E.L. James" and "Wikipedia Thinks I'm a Lesbian..."

I have 2 new pieces up, my first for The Toast, "Sympathy for E.L. James," about the erotica community's response to the author of Fifty Shades of Grey.

I also wrote my first piece for the Boinkology sex and tech collection at Medium (if you like it, please click "Recommend" at the bottom), "Wikipedia Thinks I’m a Lesbian—And This Bisexual Is Okay With That".

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend! I'm cooking up more pieces for next week.

ADD, Vyvanse, writing, fear and me

I wrote my second piece for Medium, about magical thinking, Vyvanse, writing and fear. It's called "Would ADD drug Vyvanse make me a better writer? I wish." If you liked it, I'd love it if you'd hit "Recommend" at the bottom. Sometimes labors of love help you unlock something important. I'm hoping that's the case with me.