How lube took over the world this week, with a little help from Ronda Rousey

In case you didn't hear, Ronda Rousey is not a fan of lube. She came under fire this week for telling Maxim readers, in an article entitled "UFC Queen Ronda Rousey Reveals the Secret to Great Sex," this:

What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy...and you’re not taking your time.

For Salon, I broke down why Ronda Rousey is wrong about lube, with the help of numerous sex educators and professionals.



Plenty of others also took Rousey to task. At Bustle, Kristine Fellizar detailed "Why You Need Lube During Sex, Even Though Ronda Rousey Thinks You Don't." Jezebel noted why it's not a good idea idea to take sex advice from Rousey. Wicked Sensual Care offered Rousey a lifetime supply of free products, including lube.

Last but not least, sex educator, researcher and Come As You Are author Emily Nagoski started the Twitter hashtag #tweetyourlube to get people sharing the role lube plays in their lives, and wrote a great blog post on sex positivity and lube. For some lube suggestions, check out Lady Laid Bare's roundup. The end result has been a lot more awareness of how many people use lube, why it's important, and denouncing Rousey's outdated, false statements, which are pretty indefensible (though of course, many have questioned why she was being asked for sex advice in the first place).

This story came full circle when Maxim itself responded to the outcry, quoting my Salon article and #tweetyourlube posts and getting Rousey to comment:

These are obviously legitimate and important reasons why we shouldn't think of using lube as a sign of weakness, and Rousey seemed to agreed. "If you have a physical problem, you should use it," she said when asked by Maxim about the response to her comments. "But in my experience, I’ve never needed it. "

This brings up an issue that's basically the difference between using the first person and giving advice. It's fine for Rousey to say she's never needed lube and/or doesn't personally like it. But that's completely different from saying that nobody should ever need or use it, and if you do, you're lazy. That's incorrect, and the world knows it.

Graphic memoir roundup

I did a roundup of graphic memoirs by women over at Bustle, including Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (see also my writeup about the Fun Home musical, Kiss and Tell by MariNaomi, food-themed Relish by Lucy Knisley, Green Day-themed Spit and Passion by Cristy C. Road and more.

How to Use Technology to Write Erotica and 9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex

I wrote 2 recent pieces about two of my favorite topics: erotica and books! "5 Ways To Use Technology to Write Erotica" - I link to a couple current calls for submissions for anthologies and offer up ways to brainstorm erotic story ideas. I will be ballsy/annoying and ask that if you like my Medium piece, you click "recommend" at the bottom -- I really appreciate it! And if you want in-person erotica advice, I'm teaching Erotica 101 September 27th at The Tool Shed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and November 12th at Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, New Mexico (and am always open to teaching at new venues, email me at rachelkb at gmail.com for my rates).

"9 Memoirs About Not Having Sex" at Bustle (yes, Bussel on Bustle) - leading off with this week's release, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin by Nicole J. Hardy, which I highly recommend. More on that one soon, but I think it speaks so much to the longing for connection and intimacy, and the ways that often religion (in this case, Mormonism), doesn't provide that. But it's also about self-discovery and travel and independence and is a lovely memoir.

I'm judging Bustle.com by its content, shockingly enough

I picked a bad week to be on a social media break, between #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen on Twitter and now the internet issue of the day around the new website Bustle. What's interesting is that while almost every piece I've read has reacted to Bustle founder Bryan Goldberg's post on PandoDaily, I haven't seen many commenting on the actual site itself. I'm not saying his post doesn't have problems, but for me, I've been genuinely enjoying the site. They were where I first read read about the UK Twitter harassment issues. I've been reading for the past two weeks and am a fan, especially of their books coverage (and of that, I really like their book suggestions for the week's headline smakers), which is why I pitched them last week and am working on my first story for them. So, focusing on that and making it the best it can be, along with generally hustling my freelance ass off.