Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Want a free She's on Top postcard?

She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission

I went with even though is cheaper because they're local and seemed like they'd do some of the work for me and I can pick them up and (fingers crossed) get them in time to bring to SXSW. But I will probably be making more In The Flesh flyers soon so may check out Print Runner, I'm just absolutely clueless when it comes to anything besides Microsoft Word so Quark, design, layout, etc. are all over my head. Hence, I'm having someone design flyers for me for Portland and the book launch.

Anway, if you want a free She's on Top postcard, email me at with the "postcard" in the subject line and your name and mailing address in the body. Not that I expect a stampede, but I'll send 'em to the first 50 people who respond and will send them either next week or the week after. Books ship from the printer March 8th and I can't wait!

And if you're wondering, He's on Top and She's on Top are both fabulous, but I love the cover for She's so much I wanted to use that one for the 5,000 (!!) postcards I got made.

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Shooting War signing at Comic Con

Shooting War Signing
Originally uploaded by lillot.
I didn't make it (this photo is by Lilli) but here's what was being given out on Saturday for Shooting War, the book. See to read the online version, but what Dan and Anthony said at the panel is that it's been beefed up A LOT.

Sugasm 68

Sugasm #68

Tue 27th Feb, 07

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #69? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

First Client (

“He buries his nose in my pussy, licks me while I suck him, rubs his mouth up and down me.”

His point of view (

“Once he shut the door — urgently, impatiently, with a deft kick of his heel and a satisfying thud as the lock caught, all vestiges of decorum disappeared.”

Why is my sex ed class so sticky? (

“This game was played for NINE years, and it’s only this year that parents are writing the school board?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Thumbnail Gallery Problems… (

Editor’s Choice

More on submissives with lists (

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Great Moments in Sex Education (

Half-Nekkid Nightie (

Hot Studs Have Feelings Too. (

I Am Greatful! (

If I Die… (

Let Me Out of Here! (

Pull my hair (

The thing about size…. (

NSFW Pics (& videos)

“26 Reasons for The Birth of This Blog” (

Belated VDay Gift from Tila Tequila (

Crystal Klein nude photos (

Happy HNT - Masturbation erotica (

I wish it was summer (

Jamaica in the Kitchen (

Sex Work

Session To Do List (

Sex News, Reviews and Interviews

Baby Bug Vibrator Review (

It keeps going and going and…dying (

Kiri or Jules? (

Taco Tuesday: Toy Review 3 “Adonis” (

Sex and Politics

Anti-Anti Pornography, Part V: How Hypocrite Can You Get? (

BDSM & Fetish

Atlanta Flight (

Contrast revisited (

Dirty laundry (

From memory (

Knowing looks (

Meeboguest G confesses: “I’ve been watching my wife get fucked” (

Quest for fire… (

What to do in a tight situation (

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Belated NYE Party @ T’s part 2 (

Do you want to share a cab (

Giving and Receiving (

Grinding it (

Indulging in a Virtual Tryst Part VII (

Lips…. (

My girlfriend the stripper, part 5 (

My idea of a love letter to SMW (

Swingers Night!! (

Baby Bug Vibrator courtesy of Stiletto Diaries.


Another cool reading: Dirty Grace on March 14th

Because I'll surely forget in the madness that is March, here's another very cool upcoming reading on March 14th:

Grace Reading Series

Please join us for our spring series
guest-curated by ANNE ISHII:


starting Wednesday March 14 at 7pm


SOLAS, 232 E. 9th St

See also: my Gothamist interview with Molly Jong-Fast


Class of 2007 Reading Series tonight at Boxcar Lounge

From the fabulous Jami Attenberg - I read an essay Min Jin Lee wrote way back over 10 years ago, when I was in law school, in Rebecca Walker's anthology To Be Real. She was an ex-lawyer trying to be a writer and I was a miserable, horrible law student trying to figure out what I wanted to do. We exchanged letters and I believe a phone call in which Min Jin Lee told me I have "books in my voice." I didn't really believe her and sometimes still don't, but since publishers seem to, I guess it's true. I can't wait to dig into the huge galley of her first novel Free Food for Millionaires I just got sent to me. She's obviously impressed other people in a big way too. I've been looking forward to this reading for a while. Also can't wait to see the always wonderful Felicia Sullivan read from her forthcoming must-read memoir The Sky Isn't Visible From Here.

The Class of 2007 Reading Series @ Boxcar Lounge
February 28, 2007 8 PM
Annie Choi, Joshua Ferris, Min Jin Lee, Felicia Sullivan

About the series:

Get a sneak preview of the coming year's best new first-time authors in the comfort of a cozy East Village bar. Boxcar Lounge is located at 168 Ave B (10th/11th). The series is curated by Jami Attenberg, author of Instant Love (Crown/Shaye Areheart Books, 2006) and the forthcoming novel The Kept Man (Riverhead Books, 2008).

Last season's fantastic readers included: Laura Dave, Janice Erlbaum, Shari Goldhagen, David Goodwillie, Robin Hazelwood, Karen Russell, Marisha Pessl, Hana Schank, Deborah Schoeneman, Scott Snyder, and
Pauls Toutonghi.

About the readers:

Annie Choi was born and raised in the greater Los Angeles area. She received her BA from University of California, Berkeley and her MFA in writing from Columbia University. Her first book, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OR WHATEVER: TRACK SUITS, KIM CHEE, AND OTHER FAMILY DISASTERS will be released April 3 by HarperCollins. She lives in New York City. Her website is

Joshua Ferris is the author of the forthcoming novel THEN WE CAME TO THE END (Little, Brown, March). His short fiction has appeared in The Iowa Review, Best New American Voices and Prairie Schooner. He also writes for film.

Min Jin Lee went to Yale College where she was awarded both the Henry Wright Prize for Nonfiction and the James Ashmun Veech Prize for Fiction. She then attended Georgetown Law School and worked as a lawyer for several years before leaving to write full time. She has received the NYFA Fellowship for Fiction, the Peden Prize from the Missouri Review for Best Story, and the Narrative Prize for New and Emerging Writer. Her work has also been featured on NPR's Selected Shorts and anthologized in TO BE REAL (Doubleday, 1995) and BREEDER (Seal Press, 2001). Her first novel FREE FOOD FOR MILLIONAIRES is published by Warner Books for May 2007. She lives in New York with her husband and son.

Felicia C. Sullivan is a New York based writer with an MFA from Columbia University. A two-time Pushcart Prize nominee, her work has been published in Swink, Post Road, Mississippi Review, Pindeldyboz, Ballyhoo Stories, Publisher's Weekly, the anthologies, HOMEWRECKER - AN ATLAS OF ILLICIT LOVES and MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING.An excerpt from her memoir was a notable essay in THE BEST AMERICAN ESSAYS 2006 collection. Algonquin Books will publish her memoir THE SKY ISN'T VISIBLE FROM HERE in August 2007. She is the founder of the literary journal, Small Spiral Notebook. Visit her website:

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I'm not too slutty anymore, but I do love writing about sex

So, you know, if anyone wanted to hire me to do that, I'm game (write me at rachelkramerbussel at I think I can write well about sex even when I'm not having it (and since that's most of the time, hopefully it's true as I'm madly writing all kinds of super filthy erotica lately).

From this week's letters to the editors, The Village Voice

Honestly, we've had three installments of "Married, Not Dead," and it's killing me. It's been basically the same column three times running, and it's probably the most benign, vanilla writing that the Voice has ever seen. As a longtime reader and admirer of the paper, I'm utterly disappointed by this column and wish things would go back to the way they were: anal exploits from Taormino, snarky but insightful sexual commentary from Savage, and the totally slutty exploits of the Lusty Lady. This "I'm a sexually frustrated/conflicted married gal" column is killing me.
Nate Brown
Madison, West Virginia


Pitching an Agent interview with Sam Hiyate of The Rights Factory

I interviewed literary agent Sam Hiyate of The Rights Factory for Mediabistro's Pitching an Agent section.

I met Sam through Polly Frost, and it turns out he's the agent for Andrew Boyd, who read "How to Cuddle" at last week's In The Flesh, and also represents Nobel Laureate Elfriede Jelinek (Greed), Emily Maguire (Taming the Beast), Tamara Faith Berger (A Woman Alone at Night) and many otehrs.

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From the Editors interview with Jessica Sanchez of Kedzie Press

I did a Mediabistro From the Editors interview with Jessica Sanchez, Acquisitions Editor at environmentally-oriented independent publisher Kedzie Press

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Interview with me on Sexerati

Lux Nightmare (formerly of That Strange Girl) interviewed me over at the fabulous, super smart site she runs with Melissa Gira, Sexerati. We talked about going from law school to writing, fiction vs. non-fiction, how my writing affects my personal life and vice versa, blogging, privacy, and why I have no real clue what makes for a healthy sex life.

Incidentally, the topless photo of me is from a shoot I once did for That Strange Girl (under my alter ego "Tanya") and I later became "that girl who was topless on Gothamist" because of it. One of my faves cause the nudity is so subtle.

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Monday, February 26, 2007

wannabe nurse fetish

I'm not gonna claim that I like it when people I care about are sick, but it does bring out a bit of my nurse fetish (not my nanny fetish, ahem). I say "fetish" the same way I talk about my dishwashing fetish or office supply fetish. Some would argue that these are more "interests," and in the strictest sense, no, I don't "need" them to get off. In fact, most of the time they aren't even all that sexual.

The nurse thing is totally tied in to my maternal instincts too, and when it's someone I'm dating or involved with romantically/sexually, it all kindof merges together. That's why it's really tough to, say, have a fuck buddy who's sick. I don't even know if that's what you'd call the situation I'm in, but it made me realize that I don't really want the kind of friendship even where I can't offer to come over with soup or movies or magazines, or, most of all, me. I like that feeling of just being there for someone when they're sick, even if they're grouchy, even if they get me sick, even if all I can provide are sexual favors. It makes me feel useful, and much of the time I feel really selfish and lazy and useless, like I'm just shuffling along, waiting for tomorrow, waiting for next week, waiting for something to happen rather than doing much of anything. Even when I am doing things, sometimes it all feels pointless so when someone asks me a favor or when I can be a connector or give someone a book they'll like or, especially, help them when they're sick, I feel better about myself.

Of course it's totally selfish to the core. I'm not talking about a latex nurse's outfit kind of fetish. I mean the real thing. I know I'm not really ready, even though I'll be dressed in white at love hard, to actually love anyone all that hard at this point. As much as it makes me feel immature, I know I'm still not totally over S. I try, and for the most part, I don't go there, I don't let myself deviate down those really bad mental paths that lead to me crying myself to sleep. But sometimes I just can't help it. It all seems to cycle back to that and I'm probably the only one who thinks that, but it's there. As much as some people think I'm so open about everything in my life, so much of that relationship for me was private. It was all these little things, little moments, things I hadn't had in so long I'd forgotten I even wanted them in my life. That's what I miss way more than sex, that's what feels kindof empty about not wanting to offer to bring dinner and pajamas. He was sick once and I bought him these vitamins, cause I take about 10 vitamins a day and thought he could use a multi and maybe that should've been a sign cause he was almost horrified. "Why do you think I need vitamins?" he asked me all accusingly.

For that brief sliver of time, though, I was able to delude myself into feeling wanted, needed even. I liked that, and I hate admitting that because it makes me weak, it means I'm not as self-sufficient as I'd like to be. Clearly I'm not because I feel really pointless of late not even making any pathways to becoming a parent. I guess I am in the big picture, doing my work, paying off my loans, trying to be an adult, trying to learn from my mistakes and grow but sometimes I just want what so many of my friends seem to have and it is in part because I want to feel needed in that way, but it's also because I know I'm good at it. I'm gonna be the mom who has extra snacks in her bag, who has extra everything in her bag, the one other kids call when their parents can't pick them up.

And it's more that feeling I crave than the whole slutty nurse thing, but I can be a good slutty nurse. I remember one time in San Francisco the guy I was seeing was sick and I came over and tried to make him feel better. I don't think his cold or whatever went away but he was happy to see me and that was all. Maybe I washed his dishes.

On the other hand, when I'm sick, I want everyone to go away. I burrow way under the covers and pile on the blankets and eat french fries and sleep. I don't want company and I don't want people to be nice to me, unless they have some magic cure that will make me feel better. I know I'm grouchy and don't want to subject other people to that.

I feel like this all sounds wrong, like I'm saying I want people to be sick or helpless or whatever so I can take care of them, and it's not that. I do it in other ways, in interviews and information and all the little things that perk up my days and people totally do it for me too. But this weekend wasn't all that easy. I still have these weird deja vu twinges, and have trouble seeing people for who they are apart from him. I see us at that dinner, where apparently everyone else was nice and normal and smart and interesting and decent except him. At least, the people I know.

I can't help but come back to the question of why our paths even had to cross. I would've been so much better off if they hadn't but they did and that's the kind of puzzle that will irk me, that will wake me up at night trying to figure out what I did wrong so I can not do it again. Because of course I know what he did wrong, I'm sure he does too, or maybe he doesn't, not really my problem. What my problem is is picking that guy again and again, the guy who, not to a letter, but enough that I feel like a walking cliche, is just like my dad. The one I grew up with anyway, the alcoholic. All those traits, including the ones I share, are so familiar it's scary. The dark, dark, dark side so well hidden. The closedoffness, the aloofness. It's not an exact parallel, of course, but when I read Caroline Knapp or any of that kind of writing, I realize how easily I could go there too. And how seductive that is and I wonder if picking people like that is my way of self-destructing, my way of escapism.

It's not just how much I gave of myself, how I really took it all at face value, it's not just that. It's how I let myself believe what I wanted to, and how I looked in such a cursory manner for the darkness. I did look, but then I saw all these really positive signs. I researched, I googled, I bookmarked all the people he told me about. I always thought he reminded me of someone who now is all upstanding and for all our drama, I'm past that, but the more I think about it, the more he reminds me of S., maybe worse. That is drama I really cannot resurrect and have finally moved on from but there is something to that way of behaving that maybe I'm not meant to understand. I don't want to understand it because I feel like if I really got it, I'd be like them. I'd be them, and I wouldn't be me, I'd be in their world, not mine, and I like my world. But sometimes I don't know, there are just too many reminders, too many people and names and moments that I can't seem to erase him from. I was downloading my photos to my new computer (which is now adorned with a "Reading is Sexy" sticker I got from Marissa Walsh) and realized I don't have any of us, which is fitting. And fine, truly. But I could get rid of all the physical objects that remind me of him and he'd still be there, in my head, and especially in certain social situations and as much as I know I'm 31, sometimes I really don't feel it, don't feel like I'm handling this the way a 31-year-old would.

I'm sure I'll get over him eventually. And this was supposed to be about my sortof underutilized nurse fetish, which is sad. But okay because I really have no time to be nursing anyone between now and SXSW and then cramming when I get back and then Oregon. Still, I would even learn to make chicken soup for the right patient. I already know how to do the sexual favors part.

Maybe we can talk at SXSW about blogging on the first date...and way, way afterward. Even if that second part's just for me.


Vlog babe hotness

Vote for your favorite Vlog babe!

I'm gonna vote but can't tell you who to vote for, since I clearly adore two of the participants.

Also, wow that is a blast from what feels like the ancient past pulling up that early Gothamist interview from the days of Sara Schaefer (Is Obsessed With You). But some things never change...I still have never really seen the Daily Show, maybe half of a show with the evil ex, and Samantha Bee remains "that woman I saw at SSIOWY." And you know what? I'm proud of my non-TV watching habits. Whenever people ask really inane, annoying questions about how I "do so much" (clearly you are not there when I sleep till noon on weekends, though thankfully not this past weekend), I can safely say it's cause I'm very single and don't watch TV. Hmph.

Well, I just shelled out $22 so LVHRD can get me laid set me up with some artsy hottie. Yes, I will be wearing white, even though I'm tempted to rock my new black and white dress and confuse everyone.

There's still time to write one!

I shudder to think what would happen if I were constantly forced to write in six-word thought blurts. I'd probably remain silent all the time.

But I'm super excited to be part of SMITH's book of six-word memoirs to be published by Harpercollins in 2008.

Check out their page to submit your own (do it now!) and see some of the adorable ones, like my friend Zak's "I still make coffee for two" and Neal Pollack's "Eight thousand orgasms. Only one baby."

I love all the emails I keep getting from friends who are also gonna be in the book.

Mine is: "Nerdy girl smutmonger. Now, baby fever."

And here's one of the photos I'm using to illustrate it, a personal favorite:


Cowboy and cowgirl hotness!

I just got word that my story "Reverse Cowgirl" will be published in Cowboy Lover: Erotic Stories of the Wild West edited by Cecilia Tan and Lori Perkins

Just goes to show that, as one of my story titles says, "never say never." That's probably the only vaguely cowboy/girl-ish story I have in me, at least right now. But in the last few years, I've really pushed myself to write about all kinds of topics I never thought I could properly tackle and it's really paid off, not just in pubilcation, but in showing me what I'm capable of.

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Add She's on Top on MySpace

Crazy busy doing promo stuff for He's on Top and She's on Top, wrapping up some new anthologies, writing freelance pieces, etc. Looking forward to March in all its madness, trips, book releases and such but am trying to take everything day by day.

Hence, when all is chaos, I start a blog, or a MySpace page.

Please add my book, She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, on MySpace. In April, I'll be doing a virtual book tour for it, which I'll be announcing soon, and will probably have some giveaways, so stay tuned. Also sorting out the postcard issue, hopefully I'll have them to bring to Austin - I found another site,, where I can get 5,000 postcards for around $170! (thanks to Maria of Daily Dose of Queer) Once I get them made, I'll be sending them to those who want them.

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Comic Con panel on Mothers and Daughters

L to R: Heidi MacDonald (PW's blog The Beat) Aline Kominksy Crumb (Need More Love), Alison Bechdel (Fun Home, Dykes to Watch Out For), Miriam Katin (We Are On Our Own).

Photo by Jeff Newelt

Gotta love Bechdel's description of Comic Con:

I was confused for a while. It wasn't just comics. Every other person was dressed like an Imperial Storm Trooper, or Princess Leia. There were video games, World Wrestling Federation champions, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. It was a hellish melange of popular culture at its most nerve-shattering.

And check out their books:


Sunday, February 25, 2007

my interview with Gene Wilder in the New York Post

I interviewed Gene Wilder for the New York Post, not about acting, but about writing, focusing on his new novella My French Whore.


Are you a fucking cool woman or man? If so, come to our party!

The Fucking Cool Women Society 2nd Anniversary Special
You are invited to join in the celebration!
Club Midway, 25 Avenue B, East Village,
4PM Doors
$20 includes entertainment/ food/drink/ special treats/raffle

Advance tickets are available online at

Proceeds will got to the Pro Choice Public Education Project (PEP).
PEP is an organization dedicated to engaging young women on their terms
around the critical issue of reproductive freedom.

Guests who bring a copy of their Con-Ed bill will be able to convert
their electric bills to Wind Power.
A representative from New Wind Energy will be present to give
and make the switch.
www.NewWindEnergy. com

Hosted by FCW Society co-founders
Joanne Morton and Courtney McLean
Performances by Jun Bustamante, Amy Clarke, Erin Cronican, Ruth Gerson,
Christine "Skylark" Larkin, Flash Rosenberg, Nichelle Stephens, Marjia
Vukovic and other special a screening of the FCW Society


Thanks everyone for the postcard help. Looks like I should be able to get these made in time for SXSW. I got a lot of great info and have to fully investigate it all but it's looking like 1-800-POSTCARDS is my winner (5,000 for $250!). Not that I necessarily need 5,000 postcards, but more is better than less. Thanks to Girl With Glasses author Marissa Walsh for the tip!

Need interviewees - "straight" women who've slept with women

More on losing my Comic Con virginity and such later, but for now, looking to interview some women today/tomorrow via email about sex, but of course:

I'm doing a story (for a new website) about straight (or "straight" or bi-curious or whatever) women who've slept with women, so if that's you, or you're a bi/lesbian woman who's slept with a "straight" woman and want to talk about it (anonymously), please email me at rachelkramerbussel at - I'd just have a few questions for you, but I'm on a tight deadline. Thank you!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Postcard help?

Because this book cover is too hot not to plaster all over town and in my travels, I want to get postcards made that have this image on one side and a bit of info (ISBN number, brief description) of She's on Top and He's on Top on the other that I can send out to promote the book party and pass out to people. Any suggestions on the best/easiest places to get such postcards made, keeping in mind that I'm so technically and design ignorant I get flummoxed easily with this stuff? I probably want to get about 1,000 postcards made, regular postcard size. Hell, I'll even pay someone (sorry, only $50) if you can hook me up with a good/cheap company and do the layout for me - email me at rachelkramerbussel at - thank you!


Frigid New York presents "Super Glossy!"

See Courtney's blog Brash Lion for more info and come out on March 9th (I'll be going then) or a later date - look for Gothamist interview with the fabulous Miss C very soon.

Report from Bridie Clark's Because She Can book party

My take on the scary boss talk at Bridie Clark's book party for Because She Can


On aphrodisiacs and sex and food

I hate the term "sexpert" or "sex expert" as applied to me, cause I'm SO not. I'm just a literary exhibitionist and occasionally kinky but generally boring girl who likes to write dirty stories and pick people's brains about sex. But I guess that's too long to squeeze into anywhere but a blog!

Photo by Paul Sarkis

See also: my "Eating for Arousal" column from 2005 (there have since been a whole bunch more books published on the topic of aphrodisiacs, cooking for your lover, etc. My favorite title? Cooking to Hook Up.) I'm probably much more about using food as a suggestive tool than bringing it into the bedroom or wherever the sex is happening, however. I do like offering people food, whether I've made it or not, and by that I mean holding a cupcake up for someone to sink their teeth into. That's hot.

But anyway, a reporter from the Columbia Spectator contacted me about aphrodisiacs and the article, "Eating Up to Get Down" is now online.

Today, according to sex expert and erotica writer Rachel Kramer Bussel, sexually suggestive foods still turn people on. In an e-mail, she mentioned that "foods that remind you of sex because of the way you eat them, like a popsicle, could be sexy if it reminds someone of giving (or receiving) a blowjob." She continued to share an anecdote of such an example: "One lover told me he loved eating sashimi and rare roast beef and foods like that because it reminded him of going down on a woman."...

Bussel, too, thinks that the ritual of serving food can be exciting. "Some foods are sexy to serve to other people, and sometimes I think it doesn't matter what the food is, per se, but the context. I find sharing food and offering someone a bite of my meal or dessert from my fork to be particularly hot," she said.

Experts emphasize that there is no universal aphrodisiac. "I think any food could potentially be an aphrodisiac," Bussel said. "It really depends on what the person likes to eat and what sensations they like. ... You wouldn't want to use a food that the other person hates."...

But if you're a hungry sinner, and you feel that you didn't eat enough at dinner, you can always bring food with you into the bedroom. "I think food can be used sparingly during sex, like smearing whipped cream or chocolate sauce across someone's chest," said Bussel. "But you should be careful about food actually touching the genitals. Foods like zucchinis can be used as dildos, but my personal preference would be to use an actual dildo." Because, as sexually powerful as some foods can be, they just can't do it all.



I'm so freaking excited that I'm going to be reading at the coolest independent bookstore ever, Powell's (and check out their awesome book blog while you're there). I remember going there on a trip during college; my friends and I spread out and spent an hour wandering the stacks, each returning with huge piles of books. I found one of Joan Hess's mysteries written under the name Joan Hadley. They also do free shipping on orders over $50 and have lots of used books.

But Portlanders, you should come out on March 26th at 7:30 to the Hawthorne store for my He's on Top/She's on Top reading with two of my favorite erotica writers, local author Shanna Germain and the always wonderful Stan Kent, who's flying up from LA. I'll be bringing cupcakes from either Cupcake Mama or Saint Cupcake--or both!

Also, I know about Portland Metroblogging, Portland Mercury, Portland Tribune, and Willamette Week, but if there are other Portland blogs/media outlets I should know about to promote the reading, please let me know at rachelkramerbussel at

I'm also on the lookout for:

Cool stuff going on in Portland from Sunday, March 25th to Tuesday, March 27th

Travel info between Portland and Eugene

So readers not in Oregon, please let your Portland pals know about the reading. Books are shipping from the printer March 8th, not a moment too soon. I really can't wait to see these shiny covers in 3D!

Also: NYC book party for He's on Top and She's on Top will be Thursday, April 12th from 7 pm - 9 pm at Happy Ending!

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Adventures in book covers: Death by Chick Lit

Death by Chick Lit by the fabulous writer (and new mom!) Lynn Harris comes out in June! The book's also on MySpace.


Thursday, February 22, 2007

Momoberry madness

Everything's bigger in LA
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Thanks to the magic of insomnia and iPhoto, I am using my new macbook to upload many old photos, like this one I took on Halloween, 2006, at Momoberry at the Beverly Center. That whole trip seems like it took places years, rather than months ago. Another life, but a fun one while it lasted.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

In The Flesh on YouTube

In lieu of November's birthday bash, a very old In The Flesh on YouTube:

Come out tonight for sexy readings and cupcakes, brownies, and mini black and white cookies - all free!!


My Bridie Clark Book Keeping interview at Mediabistro

I interviewed Bridie Clark, author of Because She Can, for Mediabistro's Book Keeping section. (AvantGuild subscribers only)

Because She Can (Warner Books, February 2007), 29-year-old Bridie Clark's first novel, had been causing plenty of interest from within the publishing community, long before her former boss Judith Regan's very public ousting from HarperCollins. Last year, an early draft of the novel was sent around via email, by agents and editors with the glee of schadenfreude, about the former ReganBooks staffer's vicious portrayal of a demanding boss riding roughshod over her terrified staff. In Clark's story, protagonist Claire Truman suffers through phone calls and visits from her workaholic boss Vivian Grant morning, noon, night -- and wedding day. What was once a dream job turns into a nightmare filled with backstabbing coworkers, nutty book-hoarding authors, and X-rated bestsellers, while Truman's own literary aspirations are deemed hopelessly boring. Clark makes Grant so tyrannical it's hard to say which act is her most appalling -- trying to take credit for Truman's star author's bestseller status or pimping her out to a notoriously randy client.

Read the whole interview


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Bi Apple launch party is March 3rd

The Bi Apple launch party
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
I have a clothed, cupcake-related cameo in my friend Audacia's first porno flick! Come celebrate on March 3rd.

Audacia Ray and Bella Vendetta are joining forces to bring you a party for the ages, celebrating the release of Audacia's porno directorial debut, The Bi Apple, and Bella¹s 26th year on this damned planet. We think the best way to commemorate these things is by having a party at a strip club.

The evening¹s entertainment includes:

A sexy fire performance by Alis On Fire

Burlesque by Cherry Bomb

Lap dances and stripping by models Aubrey and Shy

Suspension performance by Bella Vendetta and Rites of Passage

A cast of pornographic characters awaits you

PLUS: signing with Audacia Ray and The Bi Apple¹s leading lady Simone Valentino, free smut giveaways, filthy raffles, and general debauchery with gift bags sponsored by Adam and Eve Pictures

Saturday, March 3 9 pm til the wee hours
Pussycat Lounge - 96 Greenwich St, NYC
Trains: 1, 9, N, R to Rector or 4,5 to Wall Street

Watch the trailer here

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How to Pitch Writer's Digest

I did my first How to Pitch for Mediabistro on Writer's Digest. (You have to be an Avantguild member to view it)

I've been really impressed with the recent issues of Writer's Digest I've checked out - very timely pieces by Aury Wallington (on Borders not stocking her debut YA novel POP!), Anya Kamenetz, Sarah Weinman, an interview with Anna Quindlen, etc. I'm definitely going to be reading it, especially as I learn about writing a novel and try to grope my way through the process, largely in what feels like the dark (though I'm getting there).

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Clearly, my answer is yes

Should I make up a "I'm Single and I Blog" t-shirt for this? Must. Plan. Outfits. For. Austin. Because, you know, I have a million and one things nothing better to do.

SXSW panels have finally been officially announced and updated!

Do You Blog on the First Date?

Room 10AB

Monday, March 12th

5:00 pm - 6:00 pm

You've just had a great night out with a hot prospect. Should you post about it? The answer, for many, is yes �and they then ask their friends to weigh in. One recent blog features a woman who is inviting readers to vote on which guy she should lose her virginity to! Why are they doing this� and why are we reading it? Is this Dating 2.0? Or Exhibitionism 101?

Moderator: Mikki Halpin Writer, Freelance Writer

mikki halpin Writer, Freelance Writer
Melanie Boyer Dating Blogger, Washington City Paper/About Last Night
Rachel Bussel Freelance
Emily Listfield Writer, Redbook Magazine
Alyssa Shelasky Glamour

Another must attend:

Sex and Computational Technology

Room 9AB

Sunday, March 11th

5:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Computer technology has moved off the desktop and into homes, cars, pockets, and urban streets, in support of human relationships casual or intimate. Sex is an important facet of human experience, something that intertwines with intimacy, domesticity, mental health, play, and many other areas of our lives. Sex + tech is more than lots o' internet porn. Let's talk about teledildonics, virtuality, intimate interfaces, assistive technologies, and more.

Moderator: Amanda Williams , University of California at Irvine

Amanda Williams University of California at Irvine
Violet Blue Blogger, Open Source Sex
Johanna Brewer University of California at Irvine
Kyle Machulis Engineer, Nonpolynomial Labs
Cory Silverberg Author & Educator, Come As You Are &


Single State of the Union table of contents

Since my contributors' copies are supposedly on their way to me and I haven't even seen the book in stores but am getting curious, I looked up Single State of the Union and found the table of contents - I'm right after Chelsea Handler!

The only other thing I have to say is that when I grow up, I want a family and life like this. I think I'd even give up the sex writing to have that. Okay, maybe not entirely, but somewhat. So cute! Especially the names "Hamish" and "Stella." The Millers are all adorable, parents and kids.

Single State of the Union edited by Diane Mapes

Introduction: Greetings from Spinster Island

How Come a Nice Girl Like You Isn't Married?

Susan Shapiro Single-Minded
Sasha Cagen How to Not Get the Guy, or I Dodged a Reality Show Bullet
Amy Thomas An Open Letter to Mom, Deana, Mary and the Folks at Work
Margaret Cho I Am Getting Married
Jane Hodges You Can't Go Home Again

Marriage Can Wait

Judy McGuire Cohabitation Hesitation
Susan Jane Gilman Marriage Ain't Prozac
E. Kay Trimberger Can a Single Woman Really Be Happy Without a Soulmate?
M. Susan Wilson Solitary Refinement

The Single Girl

Jane Ganahl Faux Boyfriends
Jessica Valenti The Taming of the Shrew
Amy Hudock What Daughters Do
April Sinclair The Straight and Nappy
Adele Slaughter The Return on My Investment Has Quadrupled
Litsa Dremousis The Great Cookie Offering
Suzanne Cope Gold Shoes

Sex and the Single Girl

Dana Rozier Victoria's True Secret
Suzanne Schlosberg The Streak
Wendy Merrill The Wisdom of Menopause
Chelsea Handler THUNDER
Rachel Kramer Bussel A Work in Progress: Inside the Mind (and Bed) of a Single Sex Columnist
Michal Reed Next is Now
Sarah Iverson Sex Ed

Unwed Mother

Rachel Toor Me and I
Margaret Smith Doctor, Donor, Desperado
Mikki Morrissette Choosing Single Parenthood and a Two-Roof Marriage
Rachel Sarah Single Scapegoat Seeking ...

I Married Adventure

Amanda Castleman Tangled up in the Wild Blue
Heather McKinnon Postcard from the Edge
Jillian Robinson Out of Africa, in Karen Blixen's Footsteps
Lynn Harris Me Make Fire for Lynn

Live Alone and Like It

Laurie Notaro The Speech
Rachel Eve Radway Home Alone
Bella DePaulo Single All the Way
Abigail Grotke Single Blessedness
Michelle Goodman House Without a Spouse
Genevieve Davis Ginsburg Life After Death

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Originally uploaded by dougjaeger.
!!! Apparently, we have to bring our own light source on the 27th for this dating game thingamajig. No idea what that means or even where the hell this event is, but I'm so excited for it. See for info.


Monday, February 19, 2007

The hotness of Molly Crabapple, with a side of Jordan Carlos

Molly Crabapple is almost too freaking hot. Every time I see her I get all squirmy and want to stroke her hair. I feel like every time I talk about her I'm sexually objectifying her...probably because I am. But I don't think she minds. It's in an innocent way although I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers (I hate that phrase, actually, but can't think of a better one right now). She has this way of walking through a room that makes every single person there notice her, whether they know who she is or not. I've walked a few blocks with her and totally gotten schooled in how to walk in high heels. It's an art form Molly has fully mastered.

But what I really wanted to tell you is that she's about to go on a whirlwind book tour for Dr. Sketchy's Official Rainy Day Colouring Book and you would be wise to go see her (or become a groupie and follow her on the tour).

I've also heard that she and Lady J. are going to be storming Comic Con at the Javits Center this weekend and coaxing orgasms dollars out of the pockets of many a comic boy (and girl, no doubt).

And yes, I do think she's smoking hot, but she's also one of the sweetest, hardest working, and most talented people I know. She volunteered to I mean, she volunteered to draw the In The Flesh logo and now that's often how I'm remembered. The other night at Mo Pitkin's Jordan Carlos (whose new Nickelodeon show for kids debuted tonight and you should totally check it out!) was like "I've seen you...there's a drawing on your website, right?" and it took a while for me to figure out that's what he was talking about. (Another aside: do read his Washington Post Op-Ed piece, "My Shtick? Being Black." Here's a snippet: "I cornered a "Daily Show" writer, doing my best to get the inside track on a possible actor/writer gig. We broached the subject of black correspondents. He told me that they "tried a black guy once, but it didn't work out." I nearly threw my imported beer in his face. Tried it once and it didn't work? You say that about Toyotas, not a whole race of people.)

So yes, I think Molly's incredibly curvy, gorgeous, and basically a sex symbol for my generation, but I also think she deserves to take over the world with her delicious drawings, anti-art school, sex positiveness and general kick-ass, community-minded attitude. You can read my interviews with her here and here, but if you want just one more example of how freaking awesome she is, here you go: the girl eats fire!

(I will also just add on here, probably redundantly, that this is how my mind works, so deal or don't read. I jump from Molly to Jordan to 100 other things and I know some people can't keep up, but that's just how I am. If I waited for the right moment to post all the extraneous asides, they'd never get posted, kinda like the backlog of "to post" emails sitting in my drafts folder.)

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hottie Jessica Delfino

Jessica Delfino
Originally uploaded by dougjaeger.
Happy Corp.-er Doug Jaeger is doing a series of photos of female comedians and his latest includes this one of Jessica Delfino, who is a big In The Flesh fan (and performed at my birthday show last November).

Jessica's one of the most consistent hilarious and uniquely shocking comedians I know. I heart her.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Goodbye and hello

I finally did it - I took his name out of my phone. Not without some hesitation, not without having hovered over the erase button many times. There's a part of me that wonders if maybe some miracle will happen and he'll call and I'll unsuspectingly pick up. Or I'll want to call, even though I know I won't. Or at least, I won't follow through. But still, as far as I've moved on, there are snippets of conversations, random moments that haunt me, ones that I don't know how to extinguish. I don't know where to put those memories, how to erase them, whether to weave them into the novel, if they'll ever go away. But baby steps, baby steps.

And after the Whitney with Lena, who was totally adorable, funny, and easy to talk to, pondering over a smashed piano in the middle of the room, checking out photos and examining books in the store and wishing, for a little while at least, that we could trade places and my twenties in front of me rather than behind, I finally made a purchase I've been lusting after for a while - I now own a Macbook. I got it with Word and can't wait to stroke it all night. I've finally gotten back a bit of a writing rhythm, finding stories lurking if I just give them a few minutes. I'm reading erotica stories about crossdressing and writing one or two myself. I am excited to turn in the current round of anthologies so I can start sending out calls for the others. A lot of that is about hurrying up and waiting and I have plenty of other stuff to keep me busy, but my mind is always buzzing with what would be a great new idea for erotica. I was telling Lena that while I have no real 10 year plan (though I hope in 10 years I'm a mom and that I work for myself), I will probably always edit erotica books. I like that because it takes me away from writing a bit. It's about cultivating and curating and reading and figuring out where things go and who can give me this kind of story and a kind of networking/problem solving combo that particularly appeals to me. As much as I can be a homebody and am reading The Merry Recluse with recognition, I'm also a social creature, a connector by nature, and without that I would feel like way too lonely. That being said, I can't wait to spend some quality time with my new computer and see what a new screen and no viruses brings out of me.



Go Jeff!

Go Jeff!

I don't know what's happening in this photo but I like it

Always entertaining to have The Lovely Brenda in your flickr stream

SXSW plans and "Super Glossy!" opens March 9th

I'll be going to Courtney McLean's solo show "Super Glossy!" on March 9th, before heading off to Austin for SXSW Interactive on March 10th. The one productive thing I did last week was book my plane ticket, so I'm in Austin March 10-13, my panel "Do You Blog on the First Date?" is Monday, March 12th at 5 pm. Full Interactive schedule is posting tomorrow night. Also, my friend Rachel Fershleiser of SMITH is looking for a place to crash during SXSW Interactive - if you have space on your hotel room floor or something like that, email her at rachelfershleiser at - thank you!

Anyone wanting to meet up or join me for probably a Sunday trip to Babycakes, please get in touch. Sex blog types I know are going are Violet Blue, Cory Silverberg, and Seska Lee, and my fellow panelists, Alyssa Shelasky, Emily Listfield, and Melanie Boyer, though I'm not sure all would call themselves "sex bloggers." I guess Tucker Max too, but my one interview with him was probably more than enough to suffice, though I do want to check out his panel on turning blogs into books, especially since we need to bust our collective asses ASAP to get out cupcake blog a book deal. I'm also very excited to get to meet Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child, go to one of Neal Pollack's panels, and hang with Annalee Newitz for more than five seconds. I'm really hoping some of the Happy Corp. crowd will be out there as well. They are everywhere, including showing up at Sexytime Comedy on Friday night and being some of the most enthusiastic audience members.

I will definitely be blogging my way through my first SXSW. Anyway, do check out Cory's (he's the co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability and also a co-owner of Canadian sex toy store Come As You Are) response to this week's Village Voice cover story "Something In The Way He Moves." (I'll join Cory in not even llinking to it, I'm sure you can easily find it yourselves.)

Here's Courtney's show info:

Get tickets for "Super Glossy!" here

And here are the dates/times:
Friday, March 9 @ 9pm
Saturday, March 10 @ 2:30pm
Sunday, March 11 @ 8:30pm
Thursday, March 15 @ 6pm
Saturday, March 17 @ 8:30pm

Tickets are a measley $10. TELL EVERYONE!!

Cosmopolitan (the magazine and the drink – 3 or 4 of them) meets The
Stepford Wives meets The Venture Bros in this science fiction satire on
women’s magazines. “Super Glossy!” is the story of Jane Fuller, a
self-proclaimed adversary of the beauty industry who finds herself in a
downward spiral after a “chance” meeting with the extremely famous
husband of Melinda D’Alteo, uber-celebrity and Jane’s middle school
best friend. Inspired by Heather Woodbury’s living novel plays, “Super
Glossy!” is told through the context of a women’s magazine, complete
with Reader’s Letters, advice columns, and advertisements for useless
beauty products.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

sex vs. babies

When I get down on myself, I tend to get kindof dramatic. That may not come across, and I truly appreciate your kind advice, I know I tend to romanticize motherhood, though I also am ready for the dirty work of it. I’ve been wondering if I wasn’t on the money with my whole “no drinking, no taxis, no sex” faux resolutions, if maybe they aren’t the way to go. At least the first two. I don’t really think it’s about sex vs. babies, not just for the obvious reasons, but it’s more that, well, I don’t really have sex in my current life, and I certainly don’t have a baby, and I’m not really sure how to go about acquiring either. Okay, yes, I know how easy it would be to get both, but I mean in responsible, healthy ways. I’ve been down the scary pregnancy test route before and it’s not pretty.

I just get…discouraged. And I know that negativity is one of the least attractive qualities in a person, I see it when others are like that around me. But I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily negative, or bitter, or cynical. More like resigned. I do think I only have it in me so many times to put myself out there before I just give up, and I’ve realized that the part I can control is my own reactions, although that’s much easier said than done. I’m so willing to bend myself into whatever some person wants me to be, but it’s not because I’m a doormat. It’s because it makes me feel good, it makes me feel useful, which is pretty much all I really want. I consider myself pretty low-maintenance when it comes to relationships, which may be delusional, but there you go.

I had read Susan Shapiro’s Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic, so when two separate friends offered to fix me up with people, I thought “Great, let’s try this.” What’s perhaps ironic is that I really liked both of these guys, and I think they liked me. With one, as I think I’ve alluded to, I had literally the best sex of my life. But the big problem was that because they’d been “recommended,” I thought we were on the same page about certain things that we just weren’t, things that would’ve been red flags and would’ve preempted both the fun, and the whole crying into my pillow part of it.

And yes, the cynical amongst us could say it’s all fodder for the novel, but I don’t see it like that. What’s funny to me is that back in the day, like last year and the year before, I’d think to myself, “If the perfect relationship came along but the person wanted you to stop writing your column, would you?” I would hope the perfect person for me wouldn’t ask me to do that, but you know, I’d have been willing to consider that. And so I felt almost relieved on the personal front when it ended. I’m not saying I want a sexless marriage so I can be part of David Blum’s target demographic; it’s not a chic thing or even something I necessarily aspire to, but let’s face it, I’m not getting laid right now either. I’d rather have a solid partner even if it’s in a mostly platonic way than no one at all. As I tried to shrug the tears out of my eyes as I wandered around Barnes & Noble after chatting away with strangers about erotica and BDSM and wishing my life were a teensy bit more normal, I found Caroline Knapp’s The Merry Recluse and of course snapped it up. And after multiple library borrowings, I got my own copy of Sarah Dunn’s The Big Love. Perhaps it’s totally ironic that the book I want to learn from is about an evangelical Christian woman’s take on sex and dating, but what I’m learning is that I’m not so far off from my character, who’s a virgin starting to explore her sexuality. It’s not that I’m a prude or anything, but I do look at my younger self and go “What?” I do have to ask myself why I can’t just be single and be happy with that, because there is a very real level at which I’m not happy with it, but I don’t want to just randomly date or hook up with people and I keep making basically exactly the same mistake over and over and not really being able to figure out how to fix it.

But I do know that much more than wanting to be loved or wanting attention or sex or any of that, I want to give all those things. Not in a completely lopsided way, but doing things for other people is what gets me off, and I meant that in both the prurient and non-prurient way. I keep wanting to write a personal ad but there are just too many intangibles for me, too many things I can’t put into words, too many things I have to figure out in the moment, in person.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if I should delete my website, my blog, my online everything. I won’t, but I sometimes fantasize about it, sometimes wonder if I haven’t royally screwed myself over and out of the kind of relationship that I want by the career I’ve chosen. I’m proud of most of the writing and editing I’ve done and I don’t think I’m a lost cause but I do know I’ve repelled some people with what I do for a living, and while most of the time, there are rewards that make up for it, those aren’t rewards I can curl up next to in bed at night. Being interviewed by some newspaper or having a pretty book cover or whatever the accolade du jour is in no way replaces the babies I want to nurture, the partner I want to learn to cook for, all those other things. I was half joking when I said the whole single mom route is looking inevitable, but I’m pretty open to it in a few years. First priority is my loans, and kindof bolstering my brain and my heart so they are not both so stuck in junior high stupid mode. I really do think there’s a level at which my maturity is stunted, there’s a reason why I pick guys who, say, hire prostitutes instead of coming to my birthday party, or knock up their real girlfriend instead of me, or whatever. There’s nothing I can do about those people (and I'm sure the idea of me spending even two seconds pining for either of them has anyone who made it this far thinking I'm the crazy one, and I am, but still, I have my moments where I'd take them back, infrequent moments, but moments nonetheless), but the fact that I seem to go for that type, or a series of other types who are all wrong for me, is something I want and need to fix, and I guess ultimately my point is, if it’s those guys or being on my own, clearly on my own is better. The utopian part of me would indeed like to think I can “have it all” but I live half my life off in the clouds in some utopian fantasy that I try to bring myself back to reality as often as I can.

And adding to all of this really is this way that I’m losing my mind, losing track of things. I feel like I’ll forget what day it is, forget where I’m supposed to be. Last night I freaked out cause I thought I was an hour late to this event I had to speak at, and last week I lost my cell phone, Wednesday I think I left my hat at UCB. I just don’t know how to hold it all together and I feel like I’ve set myself up for failure, and I don’t want to fail, I really don’t, but I don’t quite know how to make things work properly. But I’m trying. And it’s Friday, finally. Not a long weekend for me but two days is long enough. I am going to try to get back on my early to bed, early to rise schedule because I think it’s much healthier for me. And for real no drinking, I’ve done way too much of it and it’s really not good for me, it just twists me all around and makes all my problems show up in such sharper relief when I’m no longer buzzed. I know that, and I do it anyway, and that’s why reading Caroline Knapp is comforting but scary. I’m not an alcoholic but all those things she talks about, I’m so right there. To me it’s not about the alcohol but the symptoms, that hollowness which I seem to have almost all the time. I’m not gonna lie; when I’m dating someone for real, which has really only happened once since K. and I don’t need to go into that drama again, I don’t have that hollowness. I have someone to focus on and I really did in ways that still linger. Tuesday was a kinda fucked up night too, although there was an adorable little girl and her cool parents at Sutra, but in terms of “exorcising my ex,” so didn’t happen. I kept looking over my shoulder, worried he’d show up, feeling utterly out of place once we left and went to the Heeb party. That’s why I loved the Rejection Show on Wednesday, and Happy Corp. Those feel like mine, my friends, my people, places I discovered and carved out my own communities within. It’s ironic but awesome that the comedy community seems to be where I feel the most at home. I heard from so many people who I think really liked what I read on Wednesday, who didn’t make me feel like a freak. Maybe because they go there with their jokes and stories, sometimes sexually, but certainly about dating. It’s masked behind humor, sure, whereas here I’m usually just like “watch my heart bleed all over the place,” but they get it, and I love them for it.

So I’ll be okay, but I think I need some downtime. With all the trips and crazy March coming up and writing my book and juggling juggling, dealing with any dating mishaps is just too much for me, it makes the whole precarious house of cards my emotional well-being is resting on tumble. I forget sometimes how quickly I go from super smiley giddy to crying into my pillow, and I mean that pretty literally. I have one of the thinnest skins you’ll find and I wish I could be tougher, I wish I didn’t need to share that, because of course that gives anyone reading this ammunition to use against me someday. Of course it means that I’m flawed and I admit it and for the people looking for perfect, unflawed people to date, they can count me out. But the truth is I don’t want someone unflawed either. I like the flaws, the dark sides, the uniqueness, the quirkiness. I’m not saying please show up at my door with massive amounts of baggage in hand, but a little is okay. That’s not the kind of thing I can put in a personal ad, which is why I just write them in my head and vomit all this out here. Yes, I’m single because I blog, and much as I’d like to apologize for that or not do it, I just can’t.


Adventures in book covers: Hex Education

Cause I'm a sucker for YA novels...this one from Gawker editor Emily Gould and Zareen Jaffery, coming out in May from Razorbill

(see also "It Takes Two To Make A Book Go Right")


The cutest Youtube video ever?

For the opening credits of the Valentine's Day Rejection Show (which, for the record, is my favorite Rejection Show so far and I've been to many), Jon Friedman and Sara Schaefer made this totally adorable video. I heart it, and will say that I was one of the spaghetti throwers. So cute!

Also, I didn't get to properly gush about the show. Usually I am "the sexy one" or the dirty one or whatever on any comedy lineup but thankfully Adrianne Frost was there to slut it up (in the best way possible). She was on fire and even brought photos of her ex-husband and the guy she's now fucking! I had forgotten that I knew almost all the performers and awesome other people hanging around the side of the room like Anya Garrett and Carol Hartsell, who was snapping away all night. So backstage was super super fun, from gossiping about crazy affairs to telling Mike Albo how great his essay in Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys is. I felt totally part of things, even though I was shaking once I got onstage.

But what impressed me almost as much as the stellar lineup was the audience. These two adorable hipster-looking girls came up after the show and were like "You're probably going to get asked this a lot, but what's processing?" It was so funny. Sara Jo Allocco was sharing Hershey's Kisses with peanut butter inside. Peanut butter! Who knew? I ran into Defibulators coloring book genius James Jajac (though had to ask a Defibulator if it was really him due to manesia) and got to visit with all sorts of comedy friends I never see anymore cause I've forsaken the comedy world. I am trying to lure some of them to the next Happy Corp. happy hour.

I'm on old lady so had to get home relatively early and missed the karaoke but can safely say it was one of the best Valentine's Days/nights I've ever had and I'm truly honored to have been a part of it, nerves and all.


Obsessed, Tuesday, 2/20!

Obsessed, Tuesday, 2/20!
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Join us for the creepy/ sexy February installment of:

OBSESSED with Julie and Jackie
Tuesday Feb 20th
9 PM
Mo Pitkin's
34 Avenue A (@4th street)

Theme: "Sex and Dolls"
With special guests:

Rachel Kramer Bussel (sex columnist)
Tom Courtney (doll collector)
Patrick Borelli (comedian)

Buy tickets here

I'll be wearing the "sluttier" t-shirt ironically

I was just about to write a long, self-absorbed, sad, obsessive post about how I'm over dating, I'm hibernating, and I'm gonna be a single mom sometime before 2010. While that may very well be the case and after an awesome Valentine's night Rejection Show, I was faced with the inevitable rejection that I should've expected, I am all psyched to wear some hot bra and cut up my "sluttier" t-shirt for this:

On Tuesday, February 27th, LVHRD will invite New Yorkers to participate in a new kind of dating experience; one designed to examine human interactions in intimate settings, and make as many matches as possible. Through unique challenges and audience interaction, LVHRD will break down the wall between participants and audience, making everyone a player.

Guests will be instructed to wear a certain color T Shirt before the event. This color will correspond with their dating status with Black representing “Taken,” Red representing “Available,” and White representing “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

Upon entering the venue, guest’s photos will be taken and logged in the LVHRD dating database, created for the event. Attendees will also be asked a few short questions to aid in the matchmaking. A location in the event space will allow for “video personals” to be recorded and played in other places in the venue.

As Happy Corp. is now pretty much the epicenter of my social life, it's only fitting that I rock this contest. I can't wait!

The most ironic thing is that I totally thought that with the end of my Lusty Lady column, dating would get away easier. Ha! I thought without the pressure to come up with something every two weeks I'd be free from all the baggage, labels and bullshit that come with the words "sex columnist," but alas, once a sex columnist, always a...fill in your favorite pejorative word here. The ironic part is that I could pretty much care less about sex. Bring on the sexless marriage as long as I get knocked up a few times. I say that only half-jokingly, cause sure, I'd like it all, but if I'm gonna be realistic and realize that I'm probably not gonna have everything I want, I will focus on what I really do want: babies! I keep reading about the male biological clock, in Elle and from Rachel Sarah and elsewhere and maybe it's a New York thing, but it seems like other ladies have the honor of getting knocked up, not me. That's fine, though, as this is gonna be my year to buckle down, pay off my loans, and get to a place where it's DIY all the way. Unless, you know, some hot, artsy LVHRD-er sweeps me off my feet.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

In The Flesh February 21st, March 21st, April 18th, May 16th

Here are lineups for next week's In The Flesh and the three months thereafter. Come for the smut, stay for the cupcakes! (or vice versa)

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

February means love, lust . . . and dirty words! Join Andrew Boyd (Billionaires for Bush, Life’s Little Deconstruction Book), Reen Guierre (Best Women’s Erotica 2007 contributor), D.L. King (The Dominant’s View), and Dahlia Schweitzer (Seduce Me), along with host and curator Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will be celebrating the publication of her kinky new erotica anthologies He’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission and She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served and erotic books will be given away as door prizes.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, and Wonkette. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Andrew Boyd is the co-founder of the satirical political campaign Billionaires for Bush and author of several ironically serious (or is it seriously ironic?) books: Daily Afflictions⎯The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe and Life's Little Deconstruction Book⎯Self-Help for the Post-Hip, both from W.W.Norton. He's at work on two others, from which he will read tonight.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for and, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited 13 erotica anthologies, including Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Her latest kinky anthologies, He’s on Top and She’s on Top, will be published in February 2007 by Cleis Press. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Reen Guierre (pronounced Gee, hard G + air, accent on air) is a typical MILF (look it up) whose story, “To Serge (soft g) With Love,” made it into Best Women’s Erotica 2007. If you want to preview the story, check out Amazon’s Look Inside feature⎯if it hasn’t been censored by the time you read this. Another couple of her stories can be found on the internet in their entirety. The weirdest thing about writing are these bios, which are traditionally in third person, so I’ll just say, “I’m looking forward to being in New York again where the people are so nice, they won’t hesitate to yell at you if they think it will help.”

D. L. King lives somewhere between The Big Wheel at Coney Island and The Chrysler Building and has a passion for roasted chestnuts sold on the street, as long as they aren’t burnt. When they are, she’d like to roast some nuts herself. Her first novel, The Melinoe Project, has just been accepted for publication. Find stories by D. L. King in print from Justus Roux, in e-book by Logical Lust and on line at The Dominant's View and Inky Blue Allusions.

Dahlia Schweitzer spent most of her life in New York and Tel Aviv, where she lived, loved, and worked as a writer, artist, and photographer. But it was in Berlin where she found fame, transforming herself into a singing, dancing, stripteasing queen of electrocabaret. Now Dahlia lives in Los Angeles, just in time to celebrate the publication of her first American publication, Seduce Me. These erotic short stories recount illicit affairs, intimate secrets, forbidden passions, and obsessive hungers⎯and the sad, funny, startling, revelatory places our sexual desires can take us.

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

This month, join Cheri Crystal (Erotic Interludes 3, 4, 5), Joel A. Nichols (Dorm Porn 2, Travelrotica 2), Carol Novack (Mad Hatters’ Review), memoirist Suzanne Portnoy (The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker), who’s making an appearance all the way from London, and Claire Thompson (Golden Boy, Slave Castle), along with host erotica writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel (He’s on Top, She’s on Top, Caught Looking) for hot stories from across the sexual spectrum. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served and authors’ books will be available for sale.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Andy Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, and Wonkette and has been recommended by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for and, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited 13 erotica anthologies, most recently Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Cheri Crystal enjoys reading, writing, reviewing, eating, working out, and having sex—not necessarily in that order. Since appearing in Erotic Interludes 3: Lessons in Love, Cheri has erotica in other Bold Strokes Books, Cleis Press, and Alyson anthologies. When she’s not busy raising a family or working in health care, Cheri is putting the finishing touches on her first novel, A Closet in Syosset.

Gwendolyn Joyce Mintz is a fiction writer and poet. Her work has appeared in various online and print journals as well as several anthologies. Though new to the erotic genre, Mintz has had work published in the online journal Clean Sheets as well as Down & Dirty 2 and Velvet Heat from Pretty Things Press. A very short work received an honorable mention in a contest at Katy Terrega's

Joel A. Nichols was born and raised in Vermont. This year stories of his will appear in Dorm Porn 2, Travelrotica 2, Second Skin, Fast Balls, Distant Horizons: Queer Science Fiction (Haworth Positronic), C is for Co-ed (Cleis), Got A Minute (Cleis), and Sex by the Book: Gay Men's Tales of Lit and Lust (Green Candy Press), and have appeared in Alyson's Full Body Contact, Just the Sex, Ultimate Undies, and Sexiest Soles. An excerpt from his novel in progress won second place in the Brown Foundation Short Fiction Prize 2005. In 2002, he was a Fulbright Fellow in Berlin. Joel studied German at Wesleyan University and has a Creative Writing M.A. from Temple University. He lives in Philadelphia with his boyfriend and works for an internet porn company.

Carol Novack's writings can & will be found in many publications, including The Penguin Book of Australian Women Poets, American Letters & Commentary, Del Sol Review, Diagram, First Intensity, 5_Trope, La Petite Zine, LIT, & Notre Dame Review. She publishes the e-journal Mad Hatters' Review.

Suzanne Portnoy has been an entertainment publicist for twelve years. Divorced and with two children, aged 13 and 15, she is formerly from New York and now lives in London. Attractive and finally a size 8 after twenty years of yo-yo dieting, she is happily single and spends her spare time writing, having sex and acting as a one-woman car pool service. Her first book, The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir, is published by Virgin Books.

Claire Thompson has written erotic fiction since 1995. Much of her work focuses on the romance of erotic submission, as well as the darker exploration of BDSM. Her most recent work focuses on the male/male romance and erotic submission. Claire has published numerous novels and short stories, both in print and ebook format. Says a reviewer for eCataRomance, “…Claire Thompson draws a compelling, graphic picture of a loving dominant/submissive relationship. Erotic and confronting, yet tender and intimate.” Visit her website for a listing of all Claire’s novels, upcoming releases, and more information.

Last year's True Sex Confessions night, with Dan Allen, Jessica Cutler, Miriam Datskovsky, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Judy McGuire, Audacia Ray and Felicia Sullivan drew the first really huge crowd for In The Flesh. We're back with more racy confessions from another equally talent group of writers, along with some much-anticipated audience participation!

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

The second annual True Sex Confessions night features an all-star roster of artists, bloggers, and writers, including Chelseagirl (Pretty Dumb Things blog), Valerie Frankel (The Accidental Virgin, Hex and the Single Girl), Dan Goldman (“Kelly,” Shooting War), Peter Hyman (The Reluctant Metrosexual, “Group Therapy” show), Logan Levkoff (Third Base Ain’t What It Used To Be), and Courtney McLean (“Normal-C, “Super Glossy!”). Hosted by erotica writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel (He’s on Top, She’s on Top, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2). Audience members will have the chance to share their anonymous true confessions throughout the night. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Andy Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, and Wonkette. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for and, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited 13 erotica anthologies, including Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Her latest kinky anthologies, He’s on Top and She’s on Top, will be published in February 2007 by Cleis Press. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Chelsea Girl began her blog, Pretty Dumb things, in March of 2005. Her writing has been featured in the UK magazines Scarlet and Modern Woman and on While Chelsea Girl maintains that she is a writer of a blog with sex, not of it, the world seems to disagree. She, rather predictably, lives in Chelsea, where she is working on several long and overwhelming writing projects.

Valerie Frankel has written thirteen novels, including The Accidental Virgin, The Girlfriend Curse, Hex and the Single Girl, and, for teens, the Fringe Girl series. She also writes a lot about sex and dieting (sometimes at the same time) for magazines such as Self, Glamour and Allure. She's lived in Brooklyn for nearly twenty years, has two daughters, three cats and one husband, the opera singer Stephen Quint.

Dan Goldman is a writer, illustrator and designer of mostly comics. The artist behind Shooting War, the upcoming graphic novel from Warner Books, Dan is also a founding member of the daily comics anthology ACT-I-VATE, where he writes and draws the damaged romance Craigslist thriller "KELLY", recently featured on While known primarily for his work in the comics medium, writing prose is his first love. He lives in New York City.

Peter Hyman is an author and journalist who happens to do some comedic performing on occasion. He is a contributing writer for Radar magazine and his work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Details, New York Magazine and, among others. He is the author of The Reluctant Metrosexual: Dispatches From An Almost Hip Life and is at work on a satiric novel about post-war Iraq.

Hoping to become the voice of the next generation of sexually healthy young women, Logan Levkoff began her career in sexology as a peer AIDS educator in high school and she hasn't stopped since…Today, Logan is the host of "The Lowdown", a love and sex show on She frequently appears on television, including Oprah, VH1, Fox News Channel, and The Today Show. She has also served as the sexual advice columnist for many magazines and websites. Logan is the spokesperson for Elexa, a line of sexual health and intimacy products for women, by Trojan, and is the author of The Espresso Dating Guide, a project created by Starbucks and Yahoo!Personals. Her first book, Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be, will be published by NAL in October 2007.

Courtney McLean's solo performance work 'accomplishes the highest moral function of theater: to promote understanding' as well as totally nerding out on stage. Courtney's first show, "Normal-C" debuted in San Diego to sold-out houses in 2002 (after the discovery that auditioning for other people's stupid plays sucks) and was toured to Washington, DC and Minneapolis, MN last summer after a stint at the Triad in NYC. The new show, "Super Glossy!" a sci-fi satire on women's magazines, just debuted at the NYC Frigid Fest and is preparing for flight across the nation this summer. Courtney lives in East Harlem with her cat and her vibrator.

Lianne Stokes has a really hard time with numbers. She was always awful at math. Which means that she's constantly overdrawn in her "WAMU" checking account. A budding quirky creative type, she’s been doing stand-up on the New York indie scene for five years. Known for her high-energy style, she appreciates that "Dudes think she's funny." Most recently Lianne's had the pleasure to write and workshop her solo show, "Stokes" around town. Oh! She's also got a blog. Yes! And, she's super proud that said blog is often linked by Gawker.

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

A diverse mix of authors and styles take erotica to a whole new level, from fiction to romance to letter-writing, mystery, and confessions. Featuring Sarah Iverson (Iris, Messenger), Jackie Kessler (Hell’s Belles), Samara O’Shea (For the Love of Letters,, Jerry Rodriguez (The Devil’s Mambo) and Dana Vachon (Mergers and Acquisitions), along with host and curator Rachel Kramer Bussel (She’s on Top, He’s on Top, Caught Looking). Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served. Authors’ books will be available for sale.

Bios coming soon!