Susie Bright interview and slut-shaming article at Alternet

Heading to DC this weekend - excited for Momentumcon, but kindof wish this were a stay-in-NYC-and-be-warm-and-catch-up-on-scary-to-do-list weekend. That'll have to be next weekend, I supposed. Very behind but determined to put Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and my kinky couples anthology (deadlines today!) to bed before I leave for Seattle in two weeks. Or as damn close as I can get. I have this mantra on repeat kindof like "I think I can," but in my case it's "The perfect is the enemy of the good." In-fucking-deed.

I interviewed Susie Bright for SexIs Magazine about her memoir Big Sex Little Death.



I wrote "Slut Shame: Why Are We Still Attacking Women for Having Sex?" at Alternet.

I didn't write either headline.

"Walking with the sluts" at SlutWalk Toronto

I hope this link works for you - I'm having trouble with it. Benjamin Boles's "Walking with the Sluts" piece for Now Toronto was one of the best things I read all week. I can't quite from it because the link is reverting back to the Now Toronto main page, but it's about why he is supporting the organizers of the very important Sunday, April 3rd event SlutWalk Toronto, which I encourage you to read more about and, if you're in Toronto, attend. From their site:

On January 24th, 2011, a representative of the Toronto Police gave shocking insight into the Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”.

As the city’s major protective service, the Toronto Police have perpetuated the myth and stereotype of ‘the slut’, and in doing so have failed us. With sexual assault already a significantly under-reported crime, survivors have now been given even less of a reason to go to the Police, for fear that they could be blamed. Being assaulted isn’t about what you wear; it’s not even about sex; but using a pejorative term to rationalize inexcusable behaviour creates an environment in which it’s okay to blame the victim.

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault.

We are a movement demanding that our voices be heard. We are here to call foul on our Police Force and demand change. We want Toronto Police Services to take serious steps to regain our trust. We want to feel that we will be respected and protected should we ever need them, but more importantly be certain that those charged with our safety have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

We are tired of speeches filled with lip service and the apologies that accompany them. What we want is meaningful dialogue and we are doing something about it: WE ARE COMING TOGETHER. As people from all gender expressions and orientations, all walks of life, levels of employment and education, all races, ages, abilities, and backgrounds, from all points of this city and elsewhere.

We are asking you to join us for SlutWalk, to make a unified statement about sexual assault and victims’ rights and to demand respect for all. Whether a fellow slut or simply an ally, you don’t have to wear your sexual proclivities on your sleeve, we just ask that you come. Any gender-identification, any age. Singles, couples, parents, sisters, brothers, children, friends. Come walk or roll or strut or holler or stomp with us.

Join us in our mission to spread the word that those those who experience sexual assault are not the ones at fault, without exception.

To find learn more of the specific event details, please stay tuned to our WHAT/WHERE/WHEN section.

Am I "The Sluttiest Girl in the Room?"

or the blogosphere? Check out my latest Dating Drama column at The Frisky, "The Sluttiest Girl in the Room"

What’s funny is that I accidentally typed “The Sluttiest Girl in the World” and had that up the whole column and had to go back and change it. Or are there no accidents? Please read/comment/link/Digg/etc. I forgot we can’t curse at The Frisky, but I’m sure you’ll know that was supposed to say “fuck buddies.” I am finding I really like writing about dating and relationships as opposed to sex sex sex. Not to worry, though, I will have some sexiness (I hope) to detail in 2009. And it's not so much about how "slutty" I am compared to other girls, but that feeling of not being able to make a new start. But anyway, read it yourself.

It’s one thing to smile a little to yourself as you stand in a bookstore and run your fingers over the name of someone you’ve bedded or whisper to your friend at a party about your mutual friend who you were once #### buddies with, but it’s another to be constantly reminded that you’ve gotten around.

I don’t regret sleeping with the people that I have (though many I wouldn’t repeat). You learn from bad sex, missed communication, broken hearts, ignoring red flags. But at 33, I’m looking for different stuff from my dates than I was at 23, or even 31. That’s the part that’s hardest to convey to Google. I loved feeling open and carefree enough to say yes to a woman who propositioned me for a threesome via email, or having dirty hotel sex with my porn director friend, or hooking up with a hot Costa Rican stranger in the Atlanta airport when we were both stranded there overnight, but I don’t want those to be the only things someone new remembers about me.

Keep reading

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Comedian Kelli Dunham wowed all of us last week at In The Flesh. Next time I have Comedy Sex Night, she's so coming back! Seriously, there were SO many Twitterable lines, but alas, I could only select one:

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Watch for yourself: