How slut shaming and sexual violence are connected, at DAME

The topic of slut shaming is far vaster and more insidious than I realized before reading two new books on the topic, I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet by Leora Tanenbaum, and SLUT: A Play and Guidebook for Combating Sexism and Sexual Violence, and I examined what I consider the most troubling aspect of this for my latest column at DAME. There was a lot I didn't have room for, but I hope this helps foster conversation and especially encourage all of you who have teenagers in your lives to check out StopSlut and the play SLUT. I saw it last year and was very moved; it's a powerful piece of art that brought this issue home from the voices of teenage girls.

Susie Bright interview and slut-shaming article at Alternet

Heading to DC this weekend - excited for Momentumcon, but kindof wish this were a stay-in-NYC-and-be-warm-and-catch-up-on-scary-to-do-list weekend. That'll have to be next weekend, I supposed. Very behind but determined to put Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and my kinky couples anthology (deadlines today!) to bed before I leave for Seattle in two weeks. Or as damn close as I can get. I have this mantra on repeat kindof like "I think I can," but in my case it's "The perfect is the enemy of the good." In-fucking-deed.

I interviewed Susie Bright for SexIs Magazine about her memoir Big Sex Little Death.



I wrote "Slut Shame: Why Are We Still Attacking Women for Having Sex?" at Alternet.

I didn't write either headline.

"Walking with the sluts" at SlutWalk Toronto

I hope this link works for you - I'm having trouble with it. Benjamin Boles's "Walking with the Sluts" piece for Now Toronto was one of the best things I read all week. I can't quite from it because the link is reverting back to the Now Toronto main page, but it's about why he is supporting the organizers of the very important Sunday, April 3rd event SlutWalk Toronto, which I encourage you to read more about and, if you're in Toronto, attend. From their site:

On January 24th, 2011, a representative of the Toronto Police gave shocking insight into the Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”.

As the city’s major protective service, the Toronto Police have perpetuated the myth and stereotype of ‘the slut’, and in doing so have failed us. With sexual assault already a significantly under-reported crime, survivors have now been given even less of a reason to go to the Police, for fear that they could be blamed. Being assaulted isn’t about what you wear; it’s not even about sex; but using a pejorative term to rationalize inexcusable behaviour creates an environment in which it’s okay to blame the victim.

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault.

We are a movement demanding that our voices be heard. We are here to call foul on our Police Force and demand change. We want Toronto Police Services to take serious steps to regain our trust. We want to feel that we will be respected and protected should we ever need them, but more importantly be certain that those charged with our safety have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

We are tired of speeches filled with lip service and the apologies that accompany them. What we want is meaningful dialogue and we are doing something about it: WE ARE COMING TOGETHER. As people from all gender expressions and orientations, all walks of life, levels of employment and education, all races, ages, abilities, and backgrounds, from all points of this city and elsewhere.

We are asking you to join us for SlutWalk, to make a unified statement about sexual assault and victims’ rights and to demand respect for all. Whether a fellow slut or simply an ally, you don’t have to wear your sexual proclivities on your sleeve, we just ask that you come. Any gender-identification, any age. Singles, couples, parents, sisters, brothers, children, friends. Come walk or roll or strut or holler or stomp with us.

Join us in our mission to spread the word that those those who experience sexual assault are not the ones at fault, without exception.

To find learn more of the specific event details, please stay tuned to our WHAT/WHERE/WHEN section.

Abiola Abrams does all whores proud

Abiola Abrams was the clear knockout of the night last Thursday at the 4-year anniversary of In The Flesh Reading Series. This is one of the best readings I've ever seen, not just at In The Flesh. She's a brilliant performer and the piece, from her next book The Goddess Playbook and read off her phone, was amazing. I could watch this over and over again. It's from her



Rachel will perform at the premiere of a new and must-attend reading series run by Abiola called Abiola's Kiss & Tell on December 15th.

Abiola's Kiss & Tell

Storytelling & Performance Reading Series

A Party Like A Book Star-Studded Monthly Soiree

Bestselling Authors, Skanks, Intellectuals

& Everyone In Between

Every 3rd Tuesday at MADAME X

94 West Houston Street between LaGuardia & Thompson

NYC's sexiest and most fun event.

FREE with $5 Kiss & Tell Champagne Cocktails

Drinks & Mingle at 7PM;

Show begins at 7:30PM SHARP.

Search me...I mean, my book

Search inside my new anthology Peep Show: Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists on Amazon.

Porn star and slut readings by Kerry Cohen and Diana Joseph

These are readings from the September 2009 In The Flesh (next one is Sex and Comedy night October 15th, then big blowout 4 year anniversary night with prizes November 19th). I will post others soon. And yes, of course I'm being somewhat tongue in cheek with those descriptions, yet the readings really are about, respectively, Kerry Cohen being her lover's own personal porn star and Diana Joseph reading from "The Girl Who Only Sometimes Said No" about sluttiness. Enjoy!



"They want to fuck nasty, and that's exactly what I want too." (on Army boys and a fuck buddy she met on Facebook)

Kerry Cohen reading from "Porn Star"



"You can't just call a girl a slut and not explain what you mean by it."

Diana Joseph reads from "The Girl Who Only Sometimes Said No" from her memoir I'm Sorry You Feel That Way: The Astonishing but True Story of a Daughter, Sister, Slut, Wife, Mother, and Friend to Man and Dog - this is one of my favorite pieces of writing EVER, and will be reprinted in the my forthcoming anthology Best Sex Writing 2010 (which Kerry Cohen has a piece in under a pseudonym as well, more on that later)

Here's a little followup video interview shot the next day by me with Diana Joseph on sluttiness:



And here's a photo of me and my boobs sandwiched between them (I have since realized this dress works MUCH better sans bra, sorry everyone!).


photo by Anya Garrett

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Comedian Kelli Dunham wowed all of us last week at In The Flesh. Next time I have Comedy Sex Night, she's so coming back! Seriously, there were SO many Twitterable lines, but alas, I could only select one:

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Watch for yourself: