Chronic pain, headaches, doctors, and more in my interview with Chocolate & Vicodin author Jennette Fulda at Alternet

I interviewed Chocolate & Vicodin author Jennette Fulda about headaches, chronic pain, well-meaning advice, coping mechanisms and more at Alternet. Please pass it on to anyone you know dealing with chronic pain. Thanks! And I promise I didn't just enjoy it because there's a cupcake on the cover. Fulda is very funny but also likens her headache journey to her weight-loss journey (her first memoir, Half-Assed, was about losing half her body weight) and discusses the various friends, blog readers and well-meaning but often clueless medical professionals she encounters along the way. You can buy the book on Amazon and also visit chocolateandvicodin.com for more information...after you read my interview!

Susie Bright interview and slut-shaming article at Alternet

Heading to DC this weekend - excited for Momentumcon, but kindof wish this were a stay-in-NYC-and-be-warm-and-catch-up-on-scary-to-do-list weekend. That'll have to be next weekend, I supposed. Very behind but determined to put Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and my kinky couples anthology (deadlines today!) to bed before I leave for Seattle in two weeks. Or as damn close as I can get. I have this mantra on repeat kindof like "I think I can," but in my case it's "The perfect is the enemy of the good." In-fucking-deed.

I interviewed Susie Bright for SexIs Magazine about her memoir Big Sex Little Death.



I wrote "Slut Shame: Why Are We Still Attacking Women for Having Sex?" at Alternet.

I didn't write either headline.

Better late than never link love and some thoughts on the submissions process and editorial wishlists

I just don't get to update here as often as I'd like, but I do post links to my articles, news and reviews promptly on my Facebook fan page.

A few recent things I wrote:

College Sex Scribes Are Campus Stars" at Alternet - my review of Daniel Reimold's Sex and the University (Rutgers University Press). Lede: "Is That a Gold Medal Between Your Tits?"

"Would You Send a Pink Toy to a Baby Boy?" at Huffington Post - I did. Includes mention of Peggy Orenstein's fascinating new book Cinderella Ate My Daughter. And aww...my friend Diana Joseph posted a photo of her son with the toy on FB. He's a fan, apparently. Opening:

Dear Diana,

I know Teddy is a boy, but I'm sending this pink block because it's my favorite baby toy, and the only one I had left of a stash I'd bought. I really hope he likes it, and that I can visit soon and shake it at him. I can't seem to find them from the place I used to get them, and they've been a big hit with the babies I know, and hope it's okay that I'm sending it. Yes, I feel a little silly sending this, but didn't want you to think I didn't know his gender.

Keep reading

And some reviews from Dirty Sexy Books:

Review of Smooth: Erotic Stories for Women. Part that fascinated me most:

“The Sushi Girl” by Anika Gupta was another story that I loved. This one was all about the sensuality for me. A girl laying on a table naked and covered in Sushi is an incredibly erotic image. The story is told from her point of view and it was so interesting to read it and imagine being the one laying there. The men in the room are not allowed to touch her with bare hands, instead they must use their chopsticks to get their food. Sometimes dialog can take away from the mood with just a wrong word and this story ramps up the intensity for me because she never says a word, and they do not speak to her either.

There was one story that made me feel so uncomfortable I could not even finish reading it. The story was “Eden” by Molly Slate. This story is about Adam and Eve; yes THAT Adam and Eve. When I think about Adam and Eve, I think about God and the Bible and Church. You know who goes to church? My parents. I can not feel even a little bit sexy when any of those things enter my brain.

Visit official Smooth site for more information.



Review of Best Bondage Erotica 2011, which I'm so glad tapped into the diversity. More on that after the quote.

All of the stories here feel very genuine– the writing is fantastic (there’s a welcome lack of the embarrassing euphemisms that sometimes plague erotic writing) and the narration is nearly always pitch-perfect. “Truss Issues” by Lux Zakari is narrated by a woman who is simultaneously terrified and aroused by her partner’s bondage kink, and the story deals not only with the sex but also with the overcoming of her trust issues.

I was a little nervous that the collection would be very homogeneous, but almost every kind of coupling is presented here (there’s male/male in “Relative Anonymity” by Emerald, and some wonderful lesbian scenes, especially in “Foreign Exchange” by Evan Mora), and the more traditional handcuffs are often replaced by crazier things (Ethernet cables! Plastic wrap! Seat belts!).

That variety is exactly what I'm looking for as I edit the 2012 edition. Of course a book of bondage erotica is going to appeal to a more niche audience than some of the others ones (my money, literally and figuratively, is on Gotta Have It to be my "breakout" book) and what I'm always looking for, otherwise, even excellent stories just don't stand out from each other. It's why I often have to reject great stories, and I think that process, as hellish as it is (there have been times having to reject stories made me want to quit editing anthologies altogether, it sucks so much), has taught me to be a better writer and to think way outside the box. I'm not saying be different just for the sake of being different, but on my end, there are themes that emerge and unless that's the actual theme of the book, there are only so many similar-type stories I can put in any one book before I risk alienating/boring readers.

Some things I can't help, like that the majority of stories that came in are from the submissive's point of view. That always happens and I've concluded that there is perhaps more "action" from the bottom's POV, and also that it's harder to tell a story of a dominant person without them sounding like an asshole. Of course it can be done well, but I think for many that's a more challenging viewpoint, to try to get at the heart of sadism. It's why when I edit nonfiction books I get a million and one "I'm a submissive feminist" essays and have truly yet to see the corollary from a man. I know from personal experience they are out there and that essay? Would love to read it/see it, but I also see the risks a man, especially, but a dominant woman, too, would have to take to attach their real name to a piece on why they love slapping/biting/binding/hurting women in a consensual BDSM context (I have zero interest in knowing why anyone would want to do that in a nonconsensual context, that's not what I'm talking about).

So that is my long-winded way of saying that diversity is what keeps me editing, keeps me looking. There are so many more diverse things I want, too, like less white-lady-with-exotic-man-of-color without the corollary, and older characters, and varied settings, but my new motto is "the perfect is the enemy of the good." I can't file books late waiting for "the perfect story" to come down the pike. Being an editor of an anthology is largely a passive waiting/wishing act, for me, anyway, but the reward really is that I get to discover so many new writers, which is another thing I have to balance. Yeah, maybe by writing this and thinking about it too much I make the process too hard. We'll see. Also for some anthologies I get over 100 submissions, like for Women in Lust but apparently oral sex is not that popular of a topic because that one (Going Down) I got a lot fewer submissions. I was hoping to file that book before I went to California, but I will have to see if I have enough or have to extend the deadline. That's how that works on my end; when I extend a deadline, it's because I'm still waiting for that mythical (or not) "perfect story." And that's the beautiful/maddening part of the public call for submissions: the unknown.

There are other reviews but some are very short so these were the meatier ones, but do check out Dirty Sexy Books for, well, reviews of Dirty Sexy Books and postings by book lovers.

Great Best Sex Writing 2009 review

Liz Langley (a contributor to Best Sex Writing 2008) wrote a fabulous review of Best Sex Writing 2009 and Alternet picked it up. Here's an excerpt:

When people ask how I came to write primarily about sex and relationships it’s easy to say something glib like “I enjoy the research,” but the truth is that I get a kid-at-Christmas thrill, a true sense of wonder at the sheer volume of different experiences everyone has with these topics. It doesn’t matter to me whether the wrapping paper is erotic, scientific, emotional or cultural – I can’t wait to tear it off and see what’s in there. Despite having been born in 1964 I was raised by people who were pacifists in the sexual revolution. Having started out with limited ideas on the subject, the more I learned (along with the rest of the country) the more interested I got. I have a friend who came to America from England as a child and said that the variety of cereals and cartoons suddenly available to him practically made his head explode. I kind of feel that way about S&R. I might not want to eat every crunchberry and mini marshmallow, but you bet I want to shake, feel up and sniff all the boxes.

That’s what’s so magically delicious about a book like Best Sex Writing 2009 (and in the fairness of disclosure, I was lucky enough to be in the 2008 edition). Award-winning editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, though an accomplished titilator herself, doesn’t go for tittilation, but rather stimulation, selecting pieces that arouse our senses of curiosity, indignation, wonder, humor, empathy and discomfort more than our bathing suit parts. It’s an elegant orchestration in which BSR contributor and MSNBC columnist Brian Alexander. says the reader will find “…a variety of answers to the larger questions of how Americans are adapting…to new opportunities for sexual exploration.” And it was gratifying to find that the pieces that made me uncomfortable (“One Rape to Go, Please” by Tracie Egan or that I doubted I’d relate to (“Sex is the Most Stressful Thing in the Universe” by Dan Vebber) ended up being stories I took as much pleasure as those I was sure I’d love (“An Open Letter to the Bush Administration” by Mistress Morgana Maye), possibly even more.

Also, some great news: Cleis is having me edit Best Sex Writing 2011 and 2012. Very excited! Guidelines will be out in the fall for next year's (2011) and in the meantime I'm working on setting up my just-purchased (last night) bestsexwriting.com and finalizing Best Sex Writing 2010 with Cleis and my guest judge Esther Perel. If you submitted and are waiting to hear back from me, I will respond within one month from now (and thanks for your patience).

One of the things I want to put on bestsexwriting.com, in addition to highlighting the previous year's editions (including the ones edited by Violet Blue and Cleis publishers Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste), is what I look for from pieces I include. To briefly sum it up: writing about sex that says something new, something bold and daring, something insightful. Something that perks me up and makes me pay attention. Something that unnerves me or delights me - or both!

My friend Ellen Friedrichs' piece "15 Shocking Tales of How Sex Laws Are Screwing the American People," also at Alternet, fit these traits perfectly. Here's an excerpt:

5) No one has ever claimed that Georgia is a haven for the LGBT community. But a recent decision by a custody judge to bar a gay dad from “exposing” his kids to his “homosexual partners and friends,” is a reminder that in this state, the notion that everyone is equal under the law only applies if the “everyone” in question isn't gay. In this case, the man’s soon to be ex-wife argued that the fact that her kids have a gay dad has landed them in therapy. So she asked that the restriction be imposed to protect them from discomfort. But as the father said, “In general, that [restriction] will never allow me to have my children present in front of any friends, whether they’re gay or straight -- no one hands you a card saying are you gay, straight, heterosexual, bi, whatever.”    

6) After his boxers were spotted by cops as he peddled his bike around town, a twenty-four-year-old Bainbridge, Georgia man became the first person arrested there under a new city ordinance that prohibits wearing pants low enough to expose a person’s underwear.  Arrests like this have become common all over the country as more and more cities adopt such so-called baggy pants bans. But it isn't only men who are targeted by these laws.  This June, the city of Yakima, Washington, voted to change the city's indecent exposure laws to include "cleavage of the buttocks." This means that women whose thong or G-string show can now be fined $1,000 or face up to 90 days in jail. If a child under the age of 14 is thought to be a victim of this form of indecent exposure, the perpetrator is looking at a $5,000 fine and up to a year in jail.  Still while most cities choose to focus on legislating visible underwear, some laws take the clothing restrictions even further. For example, an ordinance passed in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana in 2007, not only outlaws “any indecent exposure of any person or undergarments,” but also bars a person from, “dressing in a manner not becoming to his or her sex.

Great day on the professional front

I checked out of the Fairmont and have been hanging at the offices of my publisher, Cleis Press, brainstorming away. Also realizing that next week, Thursday, February 12th, is my Erotica Workshop at the 92nd Street Y, and Valentine's Day, and, hopefully, the debut of my new book trailer! Where'd January go?

In happy news, I will be editing Best Sex Writing 2010. More info on it soon, deadline for submissions will be June 1, 2009.

And...we are going to do another virtual book tour, for Do Not Disturb and The Mile High Club, in April. I'd need you to post the book cover and link to Amazon and the book's blog (you could cover either one) and write a little something, or run an excerpt or interview. If you're interested, write me at rachelravenous at gmail.com with your URL, and we'll get back to you soon!

I'm feeling better, and hoping to get back on track with things, and start to get my life in order, at least, the parts of it that are out of order. Still kinda sad about the whole ex mess thing but I also need to move on, way on.

And check this out by the awesome piece by Jennifer Armstrong of Sirens Magazine, reprinted at Alternet, where she asks "Why Is Sex Writing the Fastest Way for Women Writers to Get Ahead?" Here's a little bit:

My question, though: Can't sex be so much more interesting than your own string of one-night stands? Well, yes. (Little-discussed problem with one-night stands: They're kinda boring a lot of the time.) And there's plenty of great sex coverage out there. Rachel Kramer Bussel brings us a bunch in her new anthology, "Best Sex Writing 2009″. (She also happens to put out some spectacular erotica collections, but notice that she knows there's a difference between the two.) The Sexies, God bless them, recognize the best sex writing every year -- and hold the standards high. (They call writers out on "wince-inducing grisliness" and lack of depth -- all-too-common problems with any sex writing.) And over at Nerve, well, they pretty much invented quality online sex journalism -- check out their recent anthology, "Nerve: The First Ten Years" for proof.

Here's to hoping for 10 more years of great sex coverage -- without anyone having to whore themselves out, figuratively or literally.

There is already a really stupid comment:

Or you could write something good...something that uses language in an original, inventive way, something that makes people feel after they've read it that they've gotten something more substantial than narcissistic ramblngs and masturbation fodder. You know, the sort of stuff real writers, like Margaret Atwood and Marilynne Robinson, come up with. But that of course takes effort, and talent, and a wilingness to wait until you've produced something worth reading before throwing it out to your audience. Why bother with that, when 500 words about the guy you blew two weekends ago makes you seem so edgy and truthful...

One more reminder: Me, Violet Blue, Tracy Clark-Flory and free cupcakes tonight at Booksmith, 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco, 7:30!



This is a little random, but I thought you might like it - snapped it in Oakland, after trying to go to Bakesale Betty only to find them sold out!