SlutWalk NYC is happening October 1st, noon, Union Square

I'm bummed that I didn't know that SlutWalk NYC was holding an erotic bingo fundraiser Tuesday night (my bad). Bingo is one of my favorite activities!



But I wanted to let you know, and please tell anyone in NYC who might be interested, that SlutWalk NYC is happening October 1st at noon at Union Square. Visit slutwalknyc.com for more information. I'm working on an article about the SlutWalk phenomenon that'll run next week and it's inspiring to see what's going on at various SlutWalks, and there are many (just visit the @SlutWalkNYC Twitter feed to see links to many others). They're also on Facebook (as of this posting, 5337 people have RSVPed).





They have a pretty detailed FAQ which I encourage you to read. Here's part of it:

What is slut-shaming?
“Slut” is a derogatory term that is most often used against women who are perceived to be sexual. Women are called sluts for a variety of arbitrary reasons: the clothes they wear, the makeup they wear, their body language, the way they interact with other people, ideas about their sexual behavior, how many partners they may have, or just being perceived in some way as different…The judgment is consistently based on little or no knowledge about a particular woman as a person.

How is SlutWalk NYC different from Take Back the Night?
In many ways SlutWalk NYC and Take Back the Night have similar goals about ending sexual violence. One difference is that SlutWalk NYC is a daytime event, emphasizing that sexual violence can happen at any time. SlutWalk NYC centers trans, genderqueer, gender non-conforming survivors and allies in our organizing and fight for justice. We also welcome male survivors of sexual assault and male allies to participate fully in all events and our organizing.

And from Facebook:

No matter who you are
No matter where you work
No matter how you identify
No matter how you flirt
No matter what you wear
No matter who you choose to love
No matter what you said before:

NO ONE has the right to touch you without your consent. SlutWalk NYC is part of a worldwide grassroots movement challenging rape culture, victim-blaming and slut-shaming*, and working to end sexual and domestic violence.

*SlutWalk NYC’s working definition of slut-shaming: the derogatory, sexist language and policies that are used to shame self-identified women who are perceived as sexual.

Susie Bright interview and slut-shaming article at Alternet

Heading to DC this weekend - excited for Momentumcon, but kindof wish this were a stay-in-NYC-and-be-warm-and-catch-up-on-scary-to-do-list weekend. That'll have to be next weekend, I supposed. Very behind but determined to put Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and my kinky couples anthology (deadlines today!) to bed before I leave for Seattle in two weeks. Or as damn close as I can get. I have this mantra on repeat kindof like "I think I can," but in my case it's "The perfect is the enemy of the good." In-fucking-deed.

I interviewed Susie Bright for SexIs Magazine about her memoir Big Sex Little Death.



I wrote "Slut Shame: Why Are We Still Attacking Women for Having Sex?" at Alternet.

I didn't write either headline.

"Walking with the sluts" at SlutWalk Toronto

I hope this link works for you - I'm having trouble with it. Benjamin Boles's "Walking with the Sluts" piece for Now Toronto was one of the best things I read all week. I can't quite from it because the link is reverting back to the Now Toronto main page, but it's about why he is supporting the organizers of the very important Sunday, April 3rd event SlutWalk Toronto, which I encourage you to read more about and, if you're in Toronto, attend. From their site:

On January 24th, 2011, a representative of the Toronto Police gave shocking insight into the Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”.

As the city’s major protective service, the Toronto Police have perpetuated the myth and stereotype of ‘the slut’, and in doing so have failed us. With sexual assault already a significantly under-reported crime, survivors have now been given even less of a reason to go to the Police, for fear that they could be blamed. Being assaulted isn’t about what you wear; it’s not even about sex; but using a pejorative term to rationalize inexcusable behaviour creates an environment in which it’s okay to blame the victim.

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault.

We are a movement demanding that our voices be heard. We are here to call foul on our Police Force and demand change. We want Toronto Police Services to take serious steps to regain our trust. We want to feel that we will be respected and protected should we ever need them, but more importantly be certain that those charged with our safety have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

We are tired of speeches filled with lip service and the apologies that accompany them. What we want is meaningful dialogue and we are doing something about it: WE ARE COMING TOGETHER. As people from all gender expressions and orientations, all walks of life, levels of employment and education, all races, ages, abilities, and backgrounds, from all points of this city and elsewhere.

We are asking you to join us for SlutWalk, to make a unified statement about sexual assault and victims’ rights and to demand respect for all. Whether a fellow slut or simply an ally, you don’t have to wear your sexual proclivities on your sleeve, we just ask that you come. Any gender-identification, any age. Singles, couples, parents, sisters, brothers, children, friends. Come walk or roll or strut or holler or stomp with us.

Join us in our mission to spread the word that those those who experience sexual assault are not the ones at fault, without exception.

To find learn more of the specific event details, please stay tuned to our WHAT/WHERE/WHEN section.

The BlogHer panel I'd totally attend if I weren't going to Martha's Vineyard: "Bringing Sex Out of the Closet"

I'm gonna try to start posting here more often...emphasis on "try" as I'm behind on multiple books and have lots of, well, life going on.

Like this weekend, I'll be taking the SeaStreak boat for the first time to spend 36 hours with my family on Martha's Vineyard and attend my aunt's memorial service. And maybe swim and eat cupcakes and chill with the fam. So I will sadly not be able to attend any of the official BlogHer conference. I'm especially bummed to miss this panel tomorrow:

Bringing Sex Out of the Closet
August 6, 2:45-4 pm
Sponsored by EdenFantasys

Did you take sex ed in high school? Did your parents give you "the talk" when you were a kid? You're an adult now, and it's time to take matters into your own hands. (Sometimes literally!) Being a better businesswoman, partner and mother is easier when you have an emotionally healthy sex life. This session discusses how to engage the Internet to its fullest potential to meet your sexual needs. Join moderator Twanna Hines, who blogs at FunkyBrownChick.com;  AV Flox, who writes at Sex and the 405; Genia Stevens, who produces Sister Talk Radio;  Mominatrix sex advice columnist, Kristen Chase; and BDSM blogger Tess Danesi, who blogs at Urban Gypsy, for a rousing and frank discussion about sex for smart women who want to improve their lives. Takeaways include but are not limited to:

How can I safely and/or anonymously experiment with my sexual identity online?
Where are the best Web resources for sexual health information?
Can the Internet save my relationship?

Read more about the panelists here.

Speaking of bringing sex out of the closet, be sure to read Yes Means Yes co-editor Jaclyn Friedman's very brave, honest post "My Sluthood, Myself at Jezebel.

If I'm gonna be the poster girl for sluts, I want credit, damnit!

I have no idea who made me famous on PostRejects, but I did want to point out that the photo (in its original form below) is by Stacie Joy and was taken at the video shoot for the Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories book trailer shoot. The video is below. We're shooting book trailers for Please, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission (the book with the crazy hot book cover that I'm getting postcards and (a first for me) buttons for and will be giving away at Book Expo America!) and Fast Girls: Erotica for Women.

We're at over 90,000 views on the trailer, woo-hoo! I get my next royalty statement next month so I'll see how it's doing, I think pretty well. It's always a crapshoot (for instance, nobody's bought Rubber Sex) but I try to learn what works and what doesn't. I have a great feeling about all the books coming out this year...you know, all 9 of them. And this will be the year I learn to stop trying to publish so much and start working smarter, not just more, and focus in so I'm not thought of as the girl who will "write for everyone." A friend said that recently and she's right. I've written for free or cheap, to my detriment, and I need to learn to harness and focus that energy. Baby steps, baby steps. I'll still invest in myself with postcards and videos because, maybe it's just in my head, but I do think it's building toward something bigger, toward something so that someday I bring in the money I deserve from these books.




photo by Stacie Joy

Minneapolis book party tonight!

The only book party there will likely be for this book. Join us! More information about the book, like the introduction, can be found here.

I'll be reading Kirk Read's most excellent essay "It's a Shame About Ray." Yes, Lemonheads fans should come too.

March 2, 5:30-7:30
Best Sex Writing 2010 book party
Join Best Sex Writing 2010 editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and local contributor Diana Joseph, author of the memoir I’m Sorry You Feel That Way, for a reading and book party. The book collects the best sex journalism and essays of the year on topics ranging from teen sexting to penis size to the world's thinnest condoms to voyeurism, swinging, Tijuana bibles, sex work, crazy sex laws and Twilight as "abstinence porn," all centered on the them of sexual outlaws. Co-sponsored by Smitten Kitten; books will be available for sale and sex toys will be raffled off. Music by erotic bluegrass band Courtney McClean and The Dirty Curls; free cupcakes by Cake Eater Bakery in mint cookies and cream, white chocolate butterscotch and Elvis (peanut butter/banana/bacon).
Bedlam Theatre, 1501 S. 6th St., Minneapolis
612-341-1038

Big thanks to local paper Vita.mn for this writeup:

Search me...I mean, my book

Search inside my new anthology Peep Show: Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists on Amazon.

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Comedian Kelli Dunham wowed all of us last week at In The Flesh. Next time I have Comedy Sex Night, she's so coming back! Seriously, there were SO many Twitterable lines, but alas, I could only select one:

"If you knock over a Scrabble board with a strap-on, it's not slutty, it's educational."

Watch for yourself: