A wonderfully unexpected review for Best Sex Writing 2009

More than getting a good review, I'd say getting a review that gets it is important to me, a review that understands, especially when we're talking about the Best Sex Writing series, that it's not about titillation, at least, of the genitals. Perhaps titillation of the mind. It's why I was excited that Best Sex Writing 2009 won the Independent Publisher (IPPY) Award for 2009 for Sexuality/Relationships (and I plan to enter Best Sex Writing 2010).



That's why I so so appreciate David Cooper's Best Sex Writing 2009 review at New York Journal of Books. It's long and studious and carefully considered (he mentions my NYU Law status, though, alas, I am not actually an alumna, just a former student).

Here's a portion of the review, which introduced me to their site. I'm bookmarking it.

In “An Open Letter to The Bush Administration” professional dominatrix Mistress Morgana Maye complains that the Bush administration’s conduct in Iraq (such as the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib) has given torture and humiliation a bad name, which has adversely affected her business. She combines deadpan, straight forward prose with an undertone of irony that hits just the right note. In “The Pleasure of Unpleasure” erotic fiction writer Kristina Lloyd explains why she finds pain, submission, and humiliation freeing. In the words of her fictional character Kate, “I’m coming to realize that I want this not because I’m worthless and I must suffer. It’s because I’m human and life’s tough. Letting go is so powerful. Surrender transforms me. I adore oblivion.” Lloyd admits that Kate is “conflicted about her sexuality. I think this is true of a lot of people whose kinks are on the dark side, and I think this is okay . . . for plenty of people, suffering and degradation is intensely erotic. It’s the pleasure of unpleasure, of being split between yes and no.” Although she intends to accomplish the opposite, Lloyd’s article may confirm the commonly held suspicion that people who are into BDSM are somehow emotionally damaged. Brian Alexander reports on The American Psychiatric Association’s attempts to confirm or refute that suspicion in “What’s Normal Sex?” He reminds us that oral sex and masturbation also were once considered deviant...

In Iraq in an attempt not to offend local sensibilities our government has banned the possession of sexually explicit printed materials, DVDs, and sex toys by men and women serving in the military and as civilian contractors, according to Tom Johansmeyer’s “War Games: No WMDs but Military Police Find ‘Dangerous’ Dildos in Iraq.” It turns out that plain plastic vibrators are acceptable, but dildos that resemble male genitals are not. MPs are supposed to provide several hours advance notice before a raid and each service member or contractor is supposed to witness the search of his or her belongings. A raid that failed to comply with those guidelines turned up pornography in men’s barracks and dildos in women’s barracks. The pornography and adult products industry, which has been very supportive of the troops, is especially upset that Americans serving in dangerous conditions cannot use their products to relieve stress.

Sadly many returning vets will have difficulty resuming normal sex lives. Don Vaughan describes how and why in “Sexual Problems: A Common Side Effect of Combat-Related PTSD.” Other returning vets may have to overcome physical injuries that impair their sexual functioning. In “Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?” Mary Roach reveals that 40–50% of patients with injured spinal cords are able to reach orgasm despite their injuries. The spinal cord controls the voluntary nervous system but not the autonomic nervous system, and it turns out that orgasm is controlled by the latter. Moreover orgasm in unimpaired people results from a two-way stream of stimuli: mental stimuli that travel from the brain to the genitals and physical stimuli that move in the opposite direction. People with spinal cord injuries may be able to reach orgasm with one directional stimulation. You don’t have to be a science nerd to enjoy this fascinating article. I’m a humanities nerd, and this article makes me want to read the book from which it is excerpted.

To recap:

Best Sex Writing 2009
edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel

Introduction: Sex is Everywhere (click to read)
One Rape, Please (to Go) Tracie Egan
Searching for Normal: Do Dating Websites for People with STIs Liberate or Quarantine? Lynn Harris
Father Knows Best Amanda Robb
An Open Letter to the Bush Administration Mistress Morgana Maye
The Pleasure of Unpleasure Kristina Lloyd
What’s “Normal” Sex? Brian Alexander
Unleash the Beast “Josephine Thomas”
Is Cybersex Cheating? Violet Blue
Sex Offenders!! Kelly Davis
War Games: No WMDs but Military Police Find “Dangerous” Dildos in Iraq Tom Johansmeyer
In Defense of Casual Sex Tracy Clark-Flory
Soulgasm Dagmar Herzog
Sexual Problems: A Common Side Effect of Combat-Related PTSD Don Vaughn
Penises I Have Known Daphne Merkin
Sex Is the Most Stressful Thing in the Universe Dan Vebber
Silver-Balling Stacey D’Erasmo
Sex Dolls for the Twenty-First Century David Levy
Dear John Susannah Breslin
Oldest Profession 2.0: A New Generation of Local “Providers” and “Hobbyists” Create a Virtual Red-Light District Keegan Hamilton
How “Swingers” Might Save Hollywood from a Federal Pornography Statute Alan Levy
Why Bathroom Sex Is Hot James Hannaham
Kids and Comstockery, Back (and Forward) in the Day Debbie Nathan
The Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals? Mary Roach

Buy it now from:



Amazon



B&N



Powells.com

Sex (reading) in Brooklyn this Thursday

Thursday, October 22, 7:30 pm

Sex Writing Night hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel


With Mara Altman, author of Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman’s Quest for An OrgasmDagmar Herzog, author of Sex in Crisis and contributors to Best Sex Writing 2009 Tom Johansmeyer and Debbie Nathan

Facebook RSVP here. (not required)

At Word, 126 Franklin Avenue, Greenpoint, Brooklyn (2 blocks from the G train!). Rumor has it I'm bringing cupcakes!

And if you missed Mara Altman at In The Flesh earlier this year, this is what went down:

Key phrase in Mara Altman's reading from her memoir Thanks for Coming: "beer can of a cock."

Great Best Sex Writing 2009 review

Liz Langley (a contributor to Best Sex Writing 2008) wrote a fabulous review of Best Sex Writing 2009 and Alternet picked it up. Here's an excerpt:

When people ask how I came to write primarily about sex and relationships it’s easy to say something glib like “I enjoy the research,” but the truth is that I get a kid-at-Christmas thrill, a true sense of wonder at the sheer volume of different experiences everyone has with these topics. It doesn’t matter to me whether the wrapping paper is erotic, scientific, emotional or cultural – I can’t wait to tear it off and see what’s in there. Despite having been born in 1964 I was raised by people who were pacifists in the sexual revolution. Having started out with limited ideas on the subject, the more I learned (along with the rest of the country) the more interested I got. I have a friend who came to America from England as a child and said that the variety of cereals and cartoons suddenly available to him practically made his head explode. I kind of feel that way about S&R. I might not want to eat every crunchberry and mini marshmallow, but you bet I want to shake, feel up and sniff all the boxes.

That’s what’s so magically delicious about a book like Best Sex Writing 2009 (and in the fairness of disclosure, I was lucky enough to be in the 2008 edition). Award-winning editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, though an accomplished titilator herself, doesn’t go for tittilation, but rather stimulation, selecting pieces that arouse our senses of curiosity, indignation, wonder, humor, empathy and discomfort more than our bathing suit parts. It’s an elegant orchestration in which BSR contributor and MSNBC columnist Brian Alexander. says the reader will find “…a variety of answers to the larger questions of how Americans are adapting…to new opportunities for sexual exploration.” And it was gratifying to find that the pieces that made me uncomfortable (“One Rape to Go, Please” by Tracie Egan or that I doubted I’d relate to (“Sex is the Most Stressful Thing in the Universe” by Dan Vebber) ended up being stories I took as much pleasure as those I was sure I’d love (“An Open Letter to the Bush Administration” by Mistress Morgana Maye), possibly even more.

Also, some great news: Cleis is having me edit Best Sex Writing 2011 and 2012. Very excited! Guidelines will be out in the fall for next year's (2011) and in the meantime I'm working on setting up my just-purchased (last night) bestsexwriting.com and finalizing Best Sex Writing 2010 with Cleis and my guest judge Esther Perel. If you submitted and are waiting to hear back from me, I will respond within one month from now (and thanks for your patience).

One of the things I want to put on bestsexwriting.com, in addition to highlighting the previous year's editions (including the ones edited by Violet Blue and Cleis publishers Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste), is what I look for from pieces I include. To briefly sum it up: writing about sex that says something new, something bold and daring, something insightful. Something that perks me up and makes me pay attention. Something that unnerves me or delights me - or both!

My friend Ellen Friedrichs' piece "15 Shocking Tales of How Sex Laws Are Screwing the American People," also at Alternet, fit these traits perfectly. Here's an excerpt:

5) No one has ever claimed that Georgia is a haven for the LGBT community. But a recent decision by a custody judge to bar a gay dad from “exposing” his kids to his “homosexual partners and friends,” is a reminder that in this state, the notion that everyone is equal under the law only applies if the “everyone” in question isn't gay. In this case, the man’s soon to be ex-wife argued that the fact that her kids have a gay dad has landed them in therapy. So she asked that the restriction be imposed to protect them from discomfort. But as the father said, “In general, that [restriction] will never allow me to have my children present in front of any friends, whether they’re gay or straight -- no one hands you a card saying are you gay, straight, heterosexual, bi, whatever.”    

6) After his boxers were spotted by cops as he peddled his bike around town, a twenty-four-year-old Bainbridge, Georgia man became the first person arrested there under a new city ordinance that prohibits wearing pants low enough to expose a person’s underwear.  Arrests like this have become common all over the country as more and more cities adopt such so-called baggy pants bans. But it isn't only men who are targeted by these laws.  This June, the city of Yakima, Washington, voted to change the city's indecent exposure laws to include "cleavage of the buttocks." This means that women whose thong or G-string show can now be fined $1,000 or face up to 90 days in jail. If a child under the age of 14 is thought to be a victim of this form of indecent exposure, the perpetrator is looking at a $5,000 fine and up to a year in jail.  Still while most cities choose to focus on legislating visible underwear, some laws take the clothing restrictions even further. For example, an ordinance passed in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana in 2007, not only outlaws “any indecent exposure of any person or undergarments,” but also bars a person from, “dressing in a manner not becoming to his or her sex.

At my BEA signing

I think I signed 140 copies of my IPPY Award winning anthology Best Sex Writing 2009 at BEA. It was really fun - thanks to friends like Douglas Wolk and Judy McGuire for stopping by, and to Cecilia Tan for snapping this photo!

Book signing at BEA!

Me and my mosquito bites will be signing free copies of Best Sex Writing 2009 Friday from 12:30-1:30 at Book Expo America, autographing area, Table 11! I am so so excited. I'll be Tweeting and maybe even vlogging for the next 3 days from there. And I'm going to the Tweetup tomorrow night after I get my gold medals for the IPPY Awards!

Other signings tomorrow you don't want to miss (well, I don't want to miss, though surely I will not be able to get to all of these). This list is as much for me to remember as to share. And if it looks all over the map, that's how BEA is, but so much moreso. Check booth numbers with official BEA schedules at the link above or at BEA.



Don’t Judge a Girl by Her Cover, Ally Carter, 9:30-10:30, autographing area

Permission Slips by Sherri Shepherd, 10:30-11:30, autographing area (unticketed, curiously)

Lit by Mary Karr, 11-12, autographing area

FREE: The Future of a Radical Price by Chris Anderson, 11-12, Booth 3358

Getting It Through My Thick Skull by Mary Jo Buttafuoco, 1-2, Booth 2559
(I both think this is an amazing title, and, um, have read both of Amy Fisher's books, so really should read this)

Dear American Airlines by Jonathan Miles, 1:30-2, autographing area (I've been wanting to read this)

Live Nude Elf, Reverend Jen, Friday, 1:30-2:30, Booth 4437

Revelations by Melissa de la Cruz, 1:30-2:30, autographing area

Lost Constellations: The Art of Tara McPherson, 2-3, Booth 2759

The Mere Future by Sarah Schulman, 2-3, Booth 4514

Secret Society by Tom Dolby, 2:30-3, autographing area

Obsession: An Erotic Tale by Gloria Vanderbilt, 2:30-3, autographing area

Watching What We Eat: The Evolution of Television Cooking Shows by Kathleen Collins, 2:30-3:30, autographing area

Going Away Shoes by Jill McCorkle, 2:30-3:30, Booth 3577

The Cake Mix Doctor Returns by Anne Byrn, 3-4, Booth 3577

The Memoirist by M.J. Rose, 3:30-4:30, autographing area

The Gospel of Hip Hop: The First Instrument by KRS-One, 4-5, Booth 4237

I won 2 gold IPPYs!

I won! That is, the IPPYs (independent publishing book awards).

I won the GOLD for erotica (Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories and Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories tied!) and for Sexuality/Relationships for Best Sex Writing 2009. Congratulations and thanks to my awesome independent publisher, Cleis Press, and my amazing contributors. This is inspiring, especially as I put together the 2010 edition of BSW.

I get my gold medals at the ceremony on May 29th (I'm also signing FREE copies of Best Sex Writing 2009 that day from 12:30-1:30 at BEA)

My books are IPPY finalists!

3 of my books, Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories, Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories, and Best Sex Writing 2009 are 2009 Independent Publisher Book Awards (IPPY) Semifinalists! Woo-hoo!

And for those who are curious...I personally paid and submitted 4 of my books (those three and Spanked) because I felt it was important. The way I see it, that money investment is worth it because if my book or books win, it's a big coup for me and my publisher. So, fingers crossed!

Book Expo America: the excitement is building!

(click to enlarge)

Okay, maybe I'm the only one walking around with a printout of the autographing sessions and in-booth signings and a highlighter, but my excitement about Book Expo America, better known as BEA, is building! Oh, and they are now on Twitter.

I am signing FREE copies of Best Sex Writing 2009 on that Friday, 12:30-1:30!

CNN.com and other media sightings

I guess because of The Oscars or something, CNN.com reprinted an old column I wrote for The Frisky about movie dates! No extra money (Turner Broadcasting Systems owns both CNN and The Frisky) but still very cool.

Also, Andrew Sullivan mentioned Best Sex Writing 2009 and Fleshbot ran the Do Not Disturb trailer. Twas a happy media day.

I'm in The New York Times

Okay, well, it's my book, Best Sex Writing 2009, and it's in the New York Times book blog Paper Cuts, but still, VERY exciting! They excerpt Daphne Merkin's piece "Penises I Have Known" - please check it out.

Speaking of this, stay tuned - in the next few days I'm going to post 10 Author Promotional Tips based on things I've learned/done/observed.



Read the introduction here

My book recommendations video from Booksmith

How much do I love San Francisco indie bookstore Booksmith? They took me around their store and I blabbed about which books I love...and hate. And they wound up giving me the copy of Kemble Scott’s novel SoMa for free! Check it out, just in time for Valentine’s Day (a holiday I’m trying to remain as oblivious to as possible).

Violet Blue interviews Mary Roach

I took this photo of Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex author Mary Roach last Friday at Good Vibrations Berkeley right after our reading from Best Sex Writing 2009.



Now contributor and San Francisco Chronicle sex columnist Violet Blue has interviewed Roach:

VB: Was "Bonk" your pick for the book's title, or did you want "Boink?"

MR: Bonk was my choice. Boink is a cartoony, silly word, whereas Bonk is almost onomonopeaic, or however you spell that word. Norton actually did some market research on this point. Most people have heard both terms, though more know Boink, it's true. Those people will simply have to puzzle out what the book is about using the subtitle and the f--ing ladybugs.

Latest on Huffington Post, "The Media's Sexual Irresponsibility"

I'm off to my reading, didn't get too much writing done today, but I did write this latest Huffington Post piece, "The Media's Sexual Irresponsibility."

Great day on the professional front

I checked out of the Fairmont and have been hanging at the offices of my publisher, Cleis Press, brainstorming away. Also realizing that next week, Thursday, February 12th, is my Erotica Workshop at the 92nd Street Y, and Valentine's Day, and, hopefully, the debut of my new book trailer! Where'd January go?

In happy news, I will be editing Best Sex Writing 2010. More info on it soon, deadline for submissions will be June 1, 2009.

And...we are going to do another virtual book tour, for Do Not Disturb and The Mile High Club, in April. I'd need you to post the book cover and link to Amazon and the book's blog (you could cover either one) and write a little something, or run an excerpt or interview. If you're interested, write me at rachelravenous at gmail.com with your URL, and we'll get back to you soon!

I'm feeling better, and hoping to get back on track with things, and start to get my life in order, at least, the parts of it that are out of order. Still kinda sad about the whole ex mess thing but I also need to move on, way on.

And check this out by the awesome piece by Jennifer Armstrong of Sirens Magazine, reprinted at Alternet, where she asks "Why Is Sex Writing the Fastest Way for Women Writers to Get Ahead?" Here's a little bit:

My question, though: Can't sex be so much more interesting than your own string of one-night stands? Well, yes. (Little-discussed problem with one-night stands: They're kinda boring a lot of the time.) And there's plenty of great sex coverage out there. Rachel Kramer Bussel brings us a bunch in her new anthology, "Best Sex Writing 2009″. (She also happens to put out some spectacular erotica collections, but notice that she knows there's a difference between the two.) The Sexies, God bless them, recognize the best sex writing every year -- and hold the standards high. (They call writers out on "wince-inducing grisliness" and lack of depth -- all-too-common problems with any sex writing.) And over at Nerve, well, they pretty much invented quality online sex journalism -- check out their recent anthology, "Nerve: The First Ten Years" for proof.

Here's to hoping for 10 more years of great sex coverage -- without anyone having to whore themselves out, figuratively or literally.

There is already a really stupid comment:

Or you could write something good...something that uses language in an original, inventive way, something that makes people feel after they've read it that they've gotten something more substantial than narcissistic ramblngs and masturbation fodder. You know, the sort of stuff real writers, like Margaret Atwood and Marilynne Robinson, come up with. But that of course takes effort, and talent, and a wilingness to wait until you've produced something worth reading before throwing it out to your audience. Why bother with that, when 500 words about the guy you blew two weekends ago makes you seem so edgy and truthful...

One more reminder: Me, Violet Blue, Tracy Clark-Flory and free cupcakes tonight at Booksmith, 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco, 7:30!



This is a little random, but I thought you might like it - snapped it in Oakland, after trying to go to Bakesale Betty only to find them sold out!

My books on Kindle

Since today doesn't seem like it's turning into the most productive day, I will post these links to my books on Kindle (Amazon.com's e-reader) that I've been meaning to post. They're also in this Flickr set and also Yes, Ma'am is available on Kindle but there was no graphic for some reason. In reverse chronological order (mostly), click through to go to Amazon. Almost all are $9.99; the e-book The Lust Chronicles is $5.59.

SFGate pick, fwiw

I'm having a kindof rough day. I guess because, um, I was wrong. Spending a little while listening to Joni Mitchell and trying to be even a smidge productive, unlike I have been the last few days.



In happy news, SFGate (San Francisco Chronicle site) listed our reaidng as a pick of the day! So maybe we can get the Daily Cal next time (I would really love that). Also, I have ordered 2 dozen cupcakes from Cups and Cakes Bakery (Cloud nine - vanilla - and bacon/peanut butter/chocolate) so those are free to attendees tonight!

Best Sex Writing 2009

With porn's proliferation on the Internet, writing about sex may seem like an afterthought to some. But there's always a place for good writing, no matter the subject, a fact amply exemplified by Violet Blue's sex column on SFGate.com - the subject may be titillating, but you'd read her even if she were writing about Formica. Blue contributed a chapter to "Best Sex Writing 2009," as did Tracy Clark-Flory, and the two will read from the book Monday, along with the tome's editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel. Free. 7:30 p.m. Booksmith, 1644 Haight St., San Francisco. (415) 863-8688, bestsexwriting2009.wordpress.com, www.booksmith.com.

Exactly how a reading should go

I'll post more about the 2 readings, Thursday's with Susie Bright for X: The Erotic Treasury at Books Inc., and last night's FABULOUS one at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Huge thank yous to all the Good Vibes staff for being so friendly, cool, and helpful (they laid out wine, sparkling water, cheese, crackers, fruit and something sweet I didn't try!) and were offering 15% off all erotica that night, Cleis Press, especially my awesome publicist Brenda Knight, and the readers: Tracy Clark Flory, Mary Roach, Violet Blue, and Mistress Morgana Maye. I was meeting Mary Roach and Mistress Morgana for the first time, and all were really inspiring. I'm not sure that I'd ever heard Violet read before, and she was fabulous as well. Picking out which one of her columns to include in the book was one of the biggest (though welcome) challenges of putting this collection together.

And of course thank you to everyone who packed the place and made it such a welcoming environment. I lived in Berkeley for 3 years and at the time never could've imagined I'd be writing about sex the way that I do. I didn't even use a vibrator back then, hadn't even seen one in person! Yes, I was a very sheltered college student in many ways. So that was very exciting for me and now I'm hoping to come back in April or so for Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories and The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories.


L to R: Tracy Clark-Flory, Mistress Morgana Maye, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Violet Blue, Mary Roach
photo via Violet Blue on Flickr; thank you to the man whose name I forgot who took it!

One of my favorite things to ask people is how they heard about the reading; some people said online, many said via the East Bay Express and San Francisco Bay Guardian. One guy had bought the book at GV and came back to hear us. Tracy's family was there, and it was packed and really fun. I love reading and editing, but there is nothing like hearing authors read their work, with asides, in their own voice.

Also, I was very honored to meet Ericka Lutz, who I've read online and off. I'm hanging out with the very cool Single Mom Seeking author and Rachel Sarah this weekend.

If you missed us or just can't get enough sex writing, and/or want the cupcakes I'm going to bring on Monday night, come on out to Booksmith at 7:30, Monday, February 2nd, to hear me, Violet Blue, and Tracy Clark-Flory. 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco. Violet Blue snapped this photo of the store:


(the misspelling of my name, though, really has to stop - I don't know where it comes from or why when paired next to a properly spelled postcard it isn't caught, but the same thing happened with GV in umpteen listings. it's not the end of the world, it's just that it happens ALL the time.)

As always, read more about Best Sex Writing 2009 right here.

My Bay Area mini book tour

I'm a bit crazed as I get ready for 5 days in the Bay Area. Just bought gifts for all the kids I'm visiting (baby twins, a 4-year-old boy and a 8-year-old girl). Have been trying to remember what I need to bring...like postcards plugging my Booksmith reading, and my copy of X: The Erotic Treasury to get signed.

Gonna do my best not to be online the entire time there, but I'm sure I'll be checking in. Sunday I think I'm gonna find a hotel, since it was so fun staying in one last weekend. I fly home on a redeye Monday night after the reading, then on Tuesday evening I have to call in about jury duty on Wednesday!

If you're not in the Bay Area, please pass this on to someone who is who might like these events. You can read my introduction to Best Sex Writing 2009 here.

January 29, 7:30pm

Books Inc. for X: The Erotic Treasury with Susie Bright
16th and Market St., San Francisco

Rachel Kramer Bussel
Greta Christina
Donna George Storey
Susie Hara
Susie Bright



January 30, 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm (this is the right time)

Best Sex Writing 2009 reading
Rachel Kramer Bussel reads from new anthology Best Sex Writing 2009 with local contributors, including Mary Roach (author of Bonk), Violet Blue (San Francisco Chronicle sex columnist), Mistress Morgana Maye (Sex for America contributor), and Tracy Clark-Flory (Salon.com).
Good Vibrations, 2504 San Pablo Avenue (at Dwight Way), Berkeley, CA
FREE

February 2, 7:30 pm

Best Sex Writing 2009 reading
Rachel Kramer Bussel reads from her new anthology Best Sex Writing 2009 with local contributors, including Violet Blue (San Francisco Chronicle) and Tracy Clark-Flory (Salon.com).
Booksmith, 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco
FREE

I'm also gonna shoot a fun video in Booksmith where I check out what they have to offer erotica-wise. Looking forward to that, and to shopping at all 3 stores! I haven't bought a sex toy in a really long time, and books...well, I can always use more books.

Want a FREE copy of Best Sex Writing 2009? Email me!

Want a free book? I have 3 copies of Best Sex Writing 2009 to give away (read the intro and table of contents at http://bestsexwriting2009.wordpress.com/about. In return, you agree to review it on Amazon.com by February 15th.

You must:

a) have a U.S. mailing address

b) have an Amazon.com account and have reviewed a book for them before

So email me at rachelravenous at gmail.com with your mailing address and a link to your Amazon.com URL and the first 3 who meet the above requirements get a copy. I wish I didn't have to make that stipulation but in the past people have agreed to review books and then not been able to because they'd never purchased from Amazon (their rule, not mine).

I'll have more books to give away soon for those itching to write reviews (next up are Do Not Disturb and The Mile High Club). Thanks!

Was sex ever "trendy?" If so, it's over, according to MSNBC's Brian Alexander

MSNBC sex columnist and Best Sex Writing 2009 guest judge declares that 2009 is the year trendy sex is over:

While more information is good, sex-as-trend imposes pressure to conform. Never heard of a sex toy called “The Cone,” never been flogged by a dungeon master, or have yet to invite six strangers over for a little observational masturbation, also known as a Jack and Jill? How square. Hipsters have been so busy mining every tiny seam of our erotic underworld for nuggets of obscure novelty, and then feeding those nuggets into the crusher of pop culture, that those of us who have yet to attend a CFNM — Clothed Female Naked Male — party can feel hopelessly mainstream. (OMG!)

I recently guest edited and introduced a collection of sex writing selected by Rachel Kramer Bussel (“Best Sex Writing 2009”) and one of the most hilarious pieces in it is called “Silver Balling” by Stacey D’Erasmo. It’s the story of her quest, prompted by fear of being deemed uncool for not knowing the latest sex technique, to decipher the meaning of what proves to be a meaningless phrase.

Now, I'm really not sure sure there is or ever was a thing as "trendy sex" or who these hipsters were? My take is that it's not so much about sex as a novelty act as that those on the margins and in many sexual subcultures are finally feeling like it's okay to be more out. Obviously, not totally out, but more than they have been in the past. Whether being out about your sex life is a good or bad thing is not for me to decipher.

I think if people are trying sexual acts only because they think "everyone else is doing it" and it's not something they're actually into, that's ridiculous, but at the same time, if people do that with other areas of their lives, why not sex? Some of those people might find things in their experimentation they wouldn't have thought they were into, but are. I think the major problem with getting people to be more open is that there is still a lot of stigma associated with certain acts. Now, that doesn't mean I want to hear all about your personal experimentation with being a bend over boyfriend (as I was recently regaled with while at an event at a bar). Maybe I do from my friends, but not from people I don't know, but that episode did show me that people do actually want to talk about sex. Not everyone, but plenty of people, which is why I think sex stories thrive...and not just ones that originate from AVN.

I'm honored that my book got a mention in such a prestigious publication and for Brian Alexander's most excellent help in culling all the submissions and stories I had selected. And I think he's onto something at the end of this piece:

We are much more live-and-let-live when it comes to consenting adults having sex they way they want than most people think, despite the success a few culture combatants have had in ginning up fear.

But it does mean that sex is about to lose its patina of trendiness. Instead, I think we’re about to return to what has always been most interesting about sex — that moment when two people find themselves in a room, naked and full of anticipation.

I just don't see these as mutually exclusive. I think we can have quality sex writing and blogging and journalism and still retain our own private moments of sexual enlightenment and pleasure. It's not and as far as I can tell has never been about oneupmanship, but figuring out which parts of the endless array of sexual options fit with your life/lifestyle/personality/orientation/etc. "Options" perhaps sounds too cavalier, and I don't mean it that way. I just resent the idea that by putting too much out there, some of us (and I have to consider myself part of that for the purpose of this discussion, even though I don't think I am at all) are ruining it for the rest of you.

That's exactly the argument that underlies Paula Derrow's introduction to Behind the Bedroom Door, which I will delve into more soon. I guess maybe some people do feel that way, but if so, isn't that their problem and not the culture's? Isn't it more telling that someone's sexuality would be threatened by someone else being open and honest about their kinks, rather than that the second person has kinks in the first place? It's kindof like the people who say that same-sex marriage threatens homosexual marriage. How and why is it so easily threatened?

Maybe there is "pressure to conform" and I'm blind to it, but I don't think so, because in order to feel pressure, one has to feel insecure in one's position on some level. I guess it's better for me to speak only for myself, so I'll say that I could care less what other people are doing in bed or out when it comes to sex. Like, I'm often into spanking, but do I have a vested interest in other people being into spanking? Not at all. It certainly doesn't affect my sex life, so why should my spanking predilection affect someone else's? So I really can't go there all the way with Alexander's argument, except to say that if people have been solely taking their sexual cues from media or friends or others outside of themselves (including their partners), then it's probably time for some introspection. I think gaining insight via all these sources is great, but not if there's nothing there on a more personal level to back it up.