Online dating interview at Elle.com: How a queer, kinky single woman uses Tinder, OkCupid and FetLife

This week at Elle.com, I interviewed a single woman who's also queer and kinky about how she uses dating apps and sites like Tinder, OkCupid and FetLife to find people, as well as about coming out, her first girlfriend, dating genderqueer people and taking dating advice from Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.



Read the full Love, Actually interview archives here and if you're a woman interested in being interviewed anonymously, please email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little about yourself and what you'd like to talk about for Elle.com.

Vote for my SXSW panel, please!

Please do me a HUGE favor and take a small moment to register and vote for my panel and if you're an extra special rockstar, leave a comment. And also please vote for Nichelle Stephens' solo talk "Major Laser Focus: From Dilettants To Polymaths". If we go we will throw another of our fabulous Cupcake Socials in Austin!



Sex, Dating and Privacy Online Post-Weinergate

Format Panel
Organizer Rachel Kramer Bussel – Freelance
Speakers

1. Twanna Hines – Funky Brown Chick
2. Samhita Mukhopadhyay – Feministing
3. Violet Blue – Violet Blue

Description We’re living in an age when even powerful politicians can’t keep track of their digital dating trail. Employers and exes are likely reading your words. How can you write about sex, participate in online dating and social networking sites, and still maintain your privacy? Bloggers and authors Violet Blue (sex author, tech columnist; @violet blue and tinynibbles.com), Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady, Best Sex Writing series editor), Twanna A. Hines (Funky Brown Chick®, The Late Sex Show with Twanna Hines), and Samhita Mukhopadhyay (author, Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life, Executive Editor, Feministing.com).
Questions
Answered

1. Should you use your real name for all your online profiles?
2. How can you maintain a professional presence online separate from your personal/private one?
3. How do people who write about sex professionally balance the public/private divide?
4. How can online daters and social media users ensure their anonymity and privacy?
5. How should you handle online trolls or detractors?

Sex column: Internet dating pros and cons

My latest sex column is up and it's about online dating:

When I first signed up for FetLife, I was shocked at the seemingly countless kinky choices I could list on my profile: wrestling, pin-ups, play rape, face sitting/smothering, distress. While technically it’s a social networking site, I’m including it here because lots of people use it for finding dates and hookups. Plus, those choices exemplify my problem with online dating in general: How do I sum up what I’m about, sexually or otherwise, in a few words?

I did mark off my favorites, such as bondage, breast/nipple torture, pain, pinching, spanking, talking dirty and vibrators—but really, how much does that tell you about me? I’d imagine not that much because even though I was given choices like being into or curious about these fetishes, or giving, receiving or watching, to me, that is just more than a stranger needs to know about my sexuality.

It’s certainly not something I’d discuss on a first date, and that’s why I only use FetLife for professional purposes. I’d be extremely dismayed if I did decide to sleep with a date and they just assumed they knew what made me tick because they’d read about me in such a limited form. I’m much more about the excitement of the slow reveal, à la a burlesque act.

Read the whole column at SexIs Magazine.

"5 Good Things About My Worst Date Ever" at Crushable

I think the title to my Crushable piece "5 Good Things About My Worst Date Ever" says it all. I don't know that I'm up for tons more online dating after this experience, but I'm glad I went.

I'm not beautiful enough for BeautifulPeople.com

Unfortunately I didn't have this information by the time I had to file my story - I posted my photo on BeautifulPeople.com for my story "8 New Internet Sex Fads" for The Daily Beast. I used the photo by Anya Garrett that I use as my author photo on the site. I think this is hilarious!



Here's the reply I got yesterday:

Dear Rachel,

Unfortunately, your application to BeautifulPeople Network was not successful. The members of BeautifulPeople did not find your profile attractive enough.

Please note, only one in five applicants are currently accepted into BeautifulPeople.com.

BeautifulPeople welcomes you to apply again, perhaps with a better photo or a more interesting profile text.

To modify the contents of your profile and resubmit it for rating, simply follow these quick steps:

1)
Open "Edit Profile Page": http://beautifulpeople.com/home/editprofile/
Change your profile picture and modify your profile text to make it more appealing to the voting members.

2)
Go to the "Home Screen". (You can follow this link: http://beautifulpeople.com/home)
On the Home Screen, hit the “Vote me again” button to resubmit your modified application to the rating section.