Online dating interview at Elle.com: How a queer, kinky single woman uses Tinder, OkCupid and FetLife

This week at Elle.com, I interviewed a single woman who's also queer and kinky about how she uses dating apps and sites like Tinder, OkCupid and FetLife to find people, as well as about coming out, her first girlfriend, dating genderqueer people and taking dating advice from Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.



Read the full Love, Actually interview archives here and if you're a woman interested in being interviewed anonymously, please email me at ellesexstories at gmail.com and tell me a little about yourself and what you'd like to talk about for Elle.com.

Sex column: Internet dating pros and cons

My latest sex column is up and it's about online dating:

When I first signed up for FetLife, I was shocked at the seemingly countless kinky choices I could list on my profile: wrestling, pin-ups, play rape, face sitting/smothering, distress. While technically it’s a social networking site, I’m including it here because lots of people use it for finding dates and hookups. Plus, those choices exemplify my problem with online dating in general: How do I sum up what I’m about, sexually or otherwise, in a few words?

I did mark off my favorites, such as bondage, breast/nipple torture, pain, pinching, spanking, talking dirty and vibrators—but really, how much does that tell you about me? I’d imagine not that much because even though I was given choices like being into or curious about these fetishes, or giving, receiving or watching, to me, that is just more than a stranger needs to know about my sexuality.

It’s certainly not something I’d discuss on a first date, and that’s why I only use FetLife for professional purposes. I’d be extremely dismayed if I did decide to sleep with a date and they just assumed they knew what made me tick because they’d read about me in such a limited form. I’m much more about the excitement of the slow reveal, à la a burlesque act.

Read the whole column at SexIs Magazine.