Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thanksgiving sex I'm thankful for

This week's sex column is all about sex and gratitude and Thanksgiving. With a smidge of politics:
Firstly, I'm grateful to live in a country where homosexuality and abortion are legally protected — for now — and to have received decent, though not perfect, sex education.

Now, for the personal blessings. Unlike the Duggar family of reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting, I don't believe saving sex for marriage is the key to happiness. Instead, I'm convinced all my previous hookups, dates and relationships have shaped me into who I am today. They weren't all positive, but they did each teach me valuable lessons.
I'm truly grateful that while attending CatalystCon I got one of those magic career-boosting emails asking me to write this column, which in turn has brought me to Philadelphia a few times and given me the chance to explore a city that's so near and yet so far (about an hour and fifteen minutes by car, or, for this non-driver, four hours by public transportation).

So much of my sex writing career has happened that way, though in 2015, I plan to set goals and push myself to pursue new opportunities, including writing, editing and teaching, but this year, many of them came to me. I've learned that you never know how long a column will last, so as I cook up new hot topics (and welcome your suggestions at rachelkb at with "City Paper" in the subject line), I'm grateful for it in the here and now, however long it lasts. Writing a weekly column requires a lot of planning as well as being able to respond to the news as it happens, and that's something I look forward to doing into the new year.

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Monday, November 24, 2014

A stormy night

I could say the wind and rain woke me up tonight, and that would be true, but even more, the lack of words woke me up. The emptiness, the gnawing, like hunger pangs, but they are writer pangs. Writer angst. Writer loneliness. I can't sleep when I feel all the words bubbling up, wanting to be heard, and yet, every time I even come close, I stop myself. Ironically, as I was looking over this post, I managed to delete it in one fell swoop, but luckily had a version of it saved that I could salvage. It felt like a sign, though: one step forward, two steps back to a blank page, and that emptiness, so wide open and vast, so seductive, sometimes far more so than the thrill of composing something, even something that isn't exactly what I'd hoped it to be at the start.

This week since my book party has been a blur, largely because writing has taken the form of writing lists, seemingly endless lists. I'm good at lists; they make me feel like I am moving forward in a positive direction. I'm a fan of lists, but they can also be debilitating, because sometimes I sit and look at my list and think, I'll never do all that. The other day I could barely even get up, and when I did saw that my hours late sleeping in had meant a missed writing opportunity about the topic du jour. I'm slowly, late to the game, realizing that I could be someone people turn to for those kinds of pieces, that I can also keep pitching my heart out to become someone editors turn to. Right now, I'm not that person, because I've been playing it safe, and thereby keeping myself in this crazy cycle where I chase after the small things and assume I have no business going after the bigger things. It's a tenuous way of life, and it's why I'm awake at five a.m. Lately, the thinking has been, I shouldn't bother because this won't amount to anything. When I type it out like that, it sounds ludicrous, and yet there it is, what's kept me so far away from my goals and dreams or even basic tasks the last few days: fear.

A friend posted this quote on Facebook the other day:

"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do." Georgia O'Keeffe

I've been thinking about it a lot, because the things I want to do are the things that terrify me. Tamsin Flowers wrote a wonderful post at One Handed Writers called "On writing and self-doubt" that tackles so much of my problem. It's funny because I have several paid venues these days, along with this unpaid blog, where I can write whatever I want. I almost put "whatever I want" in quotes, but the reality is, I have free reign over my topic choices. I can also of course pitch new ideas, which I do as often as I can. But lately I've just doubted my abilities. I catch a moment of excitement and then talk myself out of it. And then, because I'm me, I try to guilt trip myself. If you ever want to _____, you have to work work work no matter what. That blank can be anything from "pay down your debt" to "become a mom," and they all fit. It's hard too because I'm partnered with someone with a steady 9 to 5 job and want to prove my worth, both so that I'm pulling my weight financially and because I need that for my own sense of myself as writer. It's never enough to "have written," it's all about what you're going to write next.

So as I listen to the rain pound my windows, getting ready to go into New York for the fourth time this month, to visit a family member at the hospital where I was born, I want to acknowledge all the blessings this year has brought, but get real with myself about the fact that I have to make my own luck too. I have to get back out there and try, and keep trying, and believing. I think the belief is the part that falls away for me first. So this week, before we bunker down for our Thanksgiving feasting, just me and my guy, I want to try to get back all that eagerness I had 20 years ago, or 10. 2004 was pretty much the year my current career started taking shape, the year I went from typist to magazine editor, the year I became a sex columnist for an internationally read alt weekly, the year I started a cupcake blog. It's funny to me because I have changed a lot in the intervening 10 years, hopefully mostly for the positive, but I hope that I can regain a bit of my late twenties, or even teenage, gumption when it comes to writing.

The last few days scared me with how easily I pretty much gave up, despite lying in bed at night or waking up full of ideas. But I haven't given up entirely. I have too many stories I want need to tell. So here's to a week of words to be thankful for, but even more so, making the effort, despite the storminess I'll probably always have inside me.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Oral pleasure: Blowjob kings and queens in my new sex column

My working title for this latest Philadelphia City Paper sex column was "Pleasure In My Mouth: Talking To Blowjob Kings and Queens," which, as you'll see, got changed to "When it comes to sex, don't tell me where to get pleasure". I still like my original so I'm using it here (blog editorial power, yay!). But the point was that in mainstream writing, "blowjob" is all too often equated with women delivering them to men, often just to please them, and I wanted to explore other configurations. Thank you to Raul Queue for a gay male perspective on blowjobs (or as he calls them, "blowjoys") and Sophie Delancey of, who I've quoted before, because I don't want to always be talking about my own sexual favorites.

If you like it, I'd really appreciate you sharing it or liking it at the top of the column. I'm working on columns about topics that are a little more off the beaten path, and welcome column suggestions at rachelkb at with "City Paper" in the subject line. I can't promise I'll cover it, but I'm definitely on the hunt for topics I hadn't previously considered.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't also let you know that if you want to read fictional accounts of blowjobs, I've got two great erotica books for you (and a special November BOGO sale where if you buy any of my books from any store, online or off, I'll send you my ebook Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays free!).

Going Down: Oral Sex Stories (all kinds of oral fun)
Kindle ebook edition
Nook ebook edition
Powell's Books-A-Million
IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)
Cleis Press
Audible audiobook

Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories (blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs, basically!)

Kindle ebook edition
Nook ebook edition
IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)
Cleis Press
Audible audiobook

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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Essay on dating a fat man at YouBeauty

Yes, size is something that comes up in a lot of my work, from my erotica, such as in my new story "Big Bottom" in The Big Book of Domination to my book Sex & Cupcakes. It's something that's personal and political and that I think touches so much of society. So my latest essay is "What I’ve Learned About Size and Body Image by Dating a Fat Man" at YouBeauty. It's my first piece for them, so if you like it, I'd love it if you'd share/comment there. Jessica Wakeman is an editor there now (formerly at The Frisky) and is bringing lots of fascinating content around looks, gender, body image and more.

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Monday, November 17, 2014

Open bar tonight 6-7 for my Sex & Cupcakes book party in NYC!


Tonight's the night! Yes, it's dreary as can be outside but inside Sweet Revenge at 62 Carmine Street, NYC (subway to West 4th Street) at my Sex & Cupcakes book party tonight from 6-8 (open bar 6-7) it will be sweet and cozy and sexy and fun. Can't make it? Let a friend know! Here's the Facebook invite. Sweet Revenge owner Marlo Scott had this to say. I have to say a giant thank you to Thought Catalog Books for sponsoring this.

Here's me there on Saturday enjoying their ridiculously delicious brunch (if you go, while my burrito bowl was delicious, with wonderful hot sauce, do get the red velvet waffles):


Want to know more about the book? My awesome publisher Thought Catalog Books asked me lots of questions, like whether I write better erotica when my sex life is booming and what I'd tell my future 9-year-old child about sex.

My friend Stacie Joy took this photo below of me on Saturday, and I adore it so much. If you've read Sex & Cupcakes, you know that the book is as much about love as sex, about falling hard and getting my heart broken and falling in love again. While my boyfriend is incredible and amazing and designed this postcard and doesn't mind that I wrote about him in essays like "My Boyfriend's Fat" and "Monogamishmash," it's not one of those happily ever after my-life-is-awesome-cause-I'm-not-single books. My life is awesome because I went through a lot of hard times and tried a lot of things, I dropped out of law school and stumbled my way into an erotica job and a sex column, I went all out, I let my heart lead the way, and still do. If you want to know more about that, this book is my most personal writing ever, and the thing I'm proudest of this year. You can get it for Kindle or iBooks, and if you don't have a Kindle, not to worry; you can read it on your phone, laptop, tablet, etc. Click here for details on that. Thank you for reading and responding; it's still scary, 15 years later, to open myself up in the way I do in this book, but I do it because that's how I'm made, and because I hope it reaches someone with a message that's useful in their lives, somehow.


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Registration open for my erotica and sex writing workshops at CatalystCon, March 27, Arlington, Virginia

CatalystCon is a very special event; yes, it's a conference, but it's so much more. It's the only place I've taught my nonfiction sex writing workshop so far, and where I will be again, along with erotica writing (2 three-hour workshops that you can sign up for separately, or save money and sign up for both), on March 27th, 2015 in Arlington, Virginia, and that's because those attending CatalystCon attend with a knowledge and passion about sex. I'm not saying that others can't also write well about sex, but that there's a base level of empathy and openness that you don't always find, which can lead to sharing highly personal and often very non-mainstream information in a supportive, welcoming environment. I've been so impressed with the workshops I've taught this year at CatalystCon East and West and am so looking forward to this one. I'm actually cutting back on in-person workshops to focus on teaching online but with three-hour workshops, we have the space and time go deeper into the topics and develop ideas that they'll hopefully take out into the world, get published, and share more broadly, if they so desire. Full descriptions of both workshops can be found at the Catalyst site, and I'll be handing out an updated list of venues to submit your writing in each workshop. No previous writing experience required!


So why me? Well, I've been writing about sex for 15 years, in fiction and nonfiction. I've edited over 50 erotica anthologies and been published in over 100, including the series Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica and Best Women's Erotica. I've written across genders and orientations and fetishes and kinks, and continue to innovate with my fiction. With my nonfiction, I've been a sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, The Frisky and now, Philadelphia City Paper. I've written about sexuality for a range of venues, including Buzzfeed Shift, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Inked, Salon, Slate,, Time Out New York and others, covering topics such as BDSM and sobriety, open relationships, porn, foot fetishes, blowjobs, bisexuality, sex toys, famous naked ladies, dirty talk and more. Over the years, I've picked up a few tricks, and I also know what editors are looking for and can help you hone your words to get published.

Sign up and get all the details at CatalystCon. I'll share more information soon about the awesome panel I'm moderating, which is also worth attending if you want to write/create art about sex: Sharing Your Sex Life on the Page and the Stage, featuring Cooper Beckett (Life on the Swingset podcast), Twanna A. Hines (creator/performer of one-woman show I Füçkèd Your Country) and Jillian Keenan (The New York Times, Slate).

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Friday, November 14, 2014

The naked lady beat: me on Kim Kardashian's ass and other body parts in Paper magazine

"Kim Kardashian Butt Fame" is what shows up in the URL of my latest article, "I Can’t Help But Admire Kim Kardashian’s Devotion to Staying Famous", about her enduring popularity, flaunting of her sexuality and those glossy, gorgeous photos in Paper magazine. Apparently, I'm the go to girl for naked lady coverage, as I was asked to comment on Kim based on my previous piece, "Jennifer Lawrence's Breasts Aren't Sending Mixed Messages." That one I cold pitched them, and at the bottom of both pieces is more information about pitching them, for the writers reading this.

kim-kardashian-paper-cover photo by Jean-Paul Goude for Paper

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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Losing my pegging virginity with the Sasha harness

This week's Philadelphia City Paper sex column is on "Pegging for the first time." I used this Sasha harness by SpareParts HardWear:


I'll admit upfront it's not my best work. I was at a huge loss and debated this topic vs. that topic endlessly for this one. The good news is that I'm cooking up lots of fun columns, from blowjobs to fetishes and beyond, and want to hear from you. What should I cover next? Sex parties, events, fantasies, relationship configurations, sexual health, sex toys, etc. I'm all ears! Email me at rachelkb at with "City Paper" in the subject line and your ideas. If you're interested in being interviewed you can always be anonymous. Thanks for reading!

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Win a copy of new erotic romance anthology The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

A sexy new erotic romance anthology, The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires is out today from Harper Impulse, and can win a copy! Fittingly, authors Liz Everly, Madeline Iva, C. Margery Kempe, Elizabeth Shore all blog at Lady Smut, which you can also find on Facebook.

Here's the hot cover, and you can get the ebook for Kindle, Nook and Kobo.


What's in the book?
Four paranormal stories of erotic temptation & paranormal thrills!


When a vampire materializes through her computer, successful vampire-romance romance author Brenna Bang finds herself marked for inescapable passion with a tech savvy bloodsucker.


Christina tries to figure out how to unlock her grandmother's wardrobe and uncover what happened all those years ago when the goblins came to offer their sensuous erotic fruits.

SEXSOMNIA by Madeline Iva

Jenny needs to unravel the mystery of what she does at night and who she does it with in order to subdue the sexual demon inside her.

DIVINE by Elizabeth Shore

Locked in an abandoned mental asylum, an ambitious filmmaker soon discovers she’s trapped with a Dionysian god. He offers her a glimpse of astounding future artistic success—but it will only come true if she’ll perform an erotic ritual to free him.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Free booze, free books and free cupcakes at my Sex & Cupcakes book party

Thanks to my fabulous boyfriend, we now have this lovely book party image for my debut book, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays (I've edited lots, but this is my first written by me and I'm very proud), and if you want to invite people (the more, the merrier!), here's a handy Facebook link. No RSVP required, open to all (21+ to drink alcohol), Monday, November 17th, 6-8 pm, open bar 6-7, first 2 dozen cupcakes free, free book to first 25 guests. Sweet Revenge, 62 Carmine Street, NYC, A/C/E/B/D/F/M to West 4th Street. Yes, I'm excited!


And I got a birthday surprise: Lux Alptraum reviewed Sex & Cupcakes at Fleshbot and had this to say (and lots more):
After over a decade of using her pen to titillate and educate, Rachel Kramer Bussel’s learned a great deal about sex – and even more about writing thoughtfully on the topic. Sex and Cupcakes is a fantastic read for anyone interested in insightful essays about human sexuality (which, if you’ve read this far, is most definitely you). Do yourself a favor and download a copy to whatever futuristic device you do your reading on these days – and get ready to fall in love with Rachel Kramer Bussel. You won’t regret it.
Intrigued? Read it now via Kindle (here's the Kindle reading apps so you can read on your phone, tablet, computer, etc.) or iBooks. If you like it, I'd love it if you'd rate it on Goodreads. My fingers are crossed that this book does well so that I can go on to write more books! In a sexy reading mood this month and want Sex & Cupcakes for free? Check out my November BOGO book sale where if you buy any of my 50+ other current books, I'll send it to you as a thank you gift!

I actually did not get to eat any cupcakes on my birthday because I was so full from my wonderful dinner at The Bistro, a Japanese and Italian restaurant in Red Bank, New Jersey, but that means I have all the more room for them at my party! Don't worry, I won't cut into the free ones. Sweet Revenge's cupcakes are big enough that they are perfect to share.

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Monday, November 10, 2014

It's my birthday and I'll BOGO if I want to, plus all my Amazon print and ebook links in one hand post

This post starts with a bit of a downer on how hard books are to find, so I'll pre-empt that with an upper of a reminder: to celebrate my birthday (today!) and my new ebook Sex & Cupcakes, I'm offering a November buy one get one free sale. Purchase any of my books listed below from any source (brick and mortar store, online store or audiobook, as long as it's purchased new and not used) and I will send you a free Kindle edition of Sex & Cupcakes (you do NOT need a Kindle to read it, you can read it on your phone, computer, whatever). To recap, to get this book free:


Just buy any of the books below, new, from any source between November 1st and 30th and then:

1. Forward the receipt (or send an image showing the receipt with purchase date) to rachelkb at with "BOGO" in the subject line by November 30th at 11:59 pm EST.

2. Tell me which email address to send the Kindle edition of Sex & Cupcakes (cannot send to addresses) and you'll get an email shortly afterward with it as a gift from me via Amazon.

More good news: I have new calls for submission coming soon (and if you are waiting to hear from me on a previous call, you will by this month, or feel free to follow up). The thing is, though, while I love the process of putting out new calls and publishing new authors I've never worked with before, which I do in every one of my anthologies, I can only continue to edit books if there's an audience for them. Otherwise, I will move on to other types of work. So this goes for my books or any author or editor whose work you enjoy: support them! That doesn't have to mean spend money on their books, though it's great if you can. Request their books at your local library! Rate and review on Goodreads (I'll shamelessly use my birthday posting privileges to share the Goodreads Sex & Cupcakes link). Vote in the Goodreads Readers Choice Awards. Tell a friend, gift a book, blog, Tweet, like, whatever. It can be wacky and crazy, like Sheri Savill's fabulous new author interview series, which you have to read to believe. There are really endless ways to show your support for books and authors, and for me, I want to in turn show my support for readers, which is why I'm doing things like this promotion. I've been incredibly blessed and lucky to go from law school dropout to erotica writer, editor and teacher, and this is what I hope to keep doing, while hopefully trying new things along the way.

As I read about the sad state of affairs with Ellora's Cave (who I have never worked with), the lesson I've drawn is that it's hard to find certain books on Amazon, and this affects sales in a huge way. What does that mean? Here's one example from author Lissa Matthews. Note that I'm not saying my books are or aren't filtered because I don't totally understand the process, but I do know that my Amazon sales are down and I have on occasion had trouble searching for my own books on the site, so if I have, others must have too. No, my problems aren't on the level of the Ellora's Cave authors who aren't getting paid, but they are similar in that if people can't find my books, I cannot afford to keep editing them. From Matthews' post:
I have one book filtered at Amazon and I don’t even have a year’s worth of sales numbers on it, but I can tell you it definitely meets the ‘sells less than 100 copies in a calendar year’… No one even knows the book exists unless I tell them. And it’s filtered because I didn’t specify No Nudity for the cover.
It means that if people can't find your books, they can't buy them, and if Amazon is one of the major retailers offering your books and they're hard or impossible to find, you don't make much money, and if authors don't make money they will move on to other fields. I don't want that to happen to me; I'm committed to erotica, though, like with the essay collection, I am also expanding the work I do and hoping to do more nonfiction. I've compiled here a list of what I believe are all of my in print books and ebooks on Amazon. Which ones are "the best?" That's hard to say. Usually I tell people my favorite is The Big Book of Orgasms, and that's great if you like very short stories, just a few pages each. Some people want longer pieces, and for them, I might recommend Fast Girls (you can watch me reading it from a bubble bath here). I'm linking to every book of mine that's in print that I still get royalties from (meaning I'm not linking to publishers that have since gone out of business). Thank you for supporting my work and I look forward to putting out more of it in new forms going forward. I'm still editing anthologies, but also hoping to expand my offerings.

Instruments of Pleasure: Sex Toy Erotica Kindle only
Between the Cheeks Kindle only
Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women print
Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women Kindle
The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales print
The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales Kindle
The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories print
The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories Kindle
Best Bondage Erotica 2014 print
Best Bondage Erotica 2014 Kindle
Best Bondage Erotica 2013 print
Best Bondage Erotica 2013 Kindle
Best Bondage Erotica 2012 print
Best Bondage Erotica 2012 Kindle
Best Bondage Erotica 2011 print
Best Bondage Erotica 2011 Kindle
Lust in Latex print (originally Rubber Sex)
Lust in Latex Kindle (originally Rubber Sex)
Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica print
Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica Kindle
Cheeky Spanking Stories print
Cheeky Spanking Stories Kindle
Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories print
Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories Kindle
Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica print
Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica Kindle
Suite Encounters: Hotel Sex Stories print
Suite Encounters: Hotel Sex Stories Kindle
Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories print
Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories Kindle
Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples print
Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples Kindle
Going Down: Oral Sex Stories print
Going Down: Oral Sex Stories Kindle
Tasting Him print
Tasting Him Kindle
Tasting Her print
Tasting Her Kindle
Women in Lust print
Women in Lust Kindle
Smooth print
Smooth Kindle
Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex print
Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex Kindle
Surrender: Erotic Tales of Female Pleasure and Surrender print
Surrender: Erotic Tales of Female Pleasure and Surrender Kindle
Orgasmic print
Orgasmic Kindle
Fast Girls print
Fast Girls Kindle
Yes, Ma'am print
Yes, Ma'am Kindle
Yes, Sir print
Yes, Sir Kindle
Please, Ma'am print
Please, Ma'am Kindle
Please, Sir print
Please, Sir Kindle
He's on Top print
He's on Top Kindle
She's on Top print
She's on Top Kindle
Peep Show print
Peep Show Kindle
Hide & Seek print
Hide & Seek Kindle
Caught Looking print
Caught Looking Kindle
Flying High: Sexy Stories from the Mile High Club print (originally The Mile High Club)
Flying High: Sexy Stories from the Mile High Club Kindle (originally The Mile High Club)
Crossdressing Kindle (out of print at the moment so ebook only, but hopefully not forever)
Dirty Girls print
Dirty Girls Kindle
Curvy Girls print
Curvy Girls Kindle

Erotic Romance

Irresistible print
Irresistible Kindle
Passion print
Passion Kindle
Obsessed print
Obsessed Kindle


Best Sex Writing 2008 print
Best Sex Writing 2008 Kindle
Best Sex Writing 2009 print
Best Sex Writing 2009 Kindle
Best Sex Writing 2010 print
Best Sex Writing 2010 Kindle
Best Sex Writing 2012 print
Best Sex Writing 2012 Kindle
Best Sex Writing 2013 print
Best Sex Writing 2013 Kindle

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Sunday, November 09, 2014

Hello Kitty tombstone, Tera Patrick's Hello Kitty tattoo and more from Hello Kitty Con

Yes, I went to Hello Kitty Con, and wrote it up for Thought Catalog, who are the awesome publishers of my book Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays and sponsors of my open bar (from 6-7), free cupcake (first 2 dozen are free, so there's some incentive to arrive early!) book party November 17th at Sweet Revenge, 62 Carmine Street, NYC! Party is 6-8, but there's good reason to arrive early. Lots more photos in the article. Even if you can't make the party, if you know anyone in New York who likes sex, cupcakes, drinks and fun, please let them know. I don't know if/when I'll have another book party and am honored that both Thought Catalog and Sweet Revenge were generous enough to throw it for me.

Porn star Tera Patrick wore a Hello Kitty dress and has a Hello Kitty tattoo on the back of her neck:


This was one of my favorite pieces of art, by Yarns & Noble:


And my piece closes, as you'll see, with the big question of whether to go all out Hello Kitty when I die. I'm turning 39 tomorrow so hope that's not anytime soon, and really hope, more than anything in the world, that I get to use Hello Kitty diapers and bottles and all that jazz before my next birthday (the tombstone was in a "Hello Kitty life cycle" display):


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Thursday, November 06, 2014

I tried the We-Vibe vibrator during sex

You can read about what happened in this week's Philadelphia City Paper sex column. If you like the column, I'd love it if you'd share it via the social media buttons at the top, and I welcome ideas for future columns at rachelkb at with "Column" in the subject line. Thanks to sex toy stores Sexploratorium, Kink Shoppe and Early to Bed for their couples' sex toy recommendations.

We-Vibe 4 Plus Render with Remote Purple

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Monday, November 03, 2014

Home sweet Hello Kitty champagne glass

I've got lots to share, from a ranking of the four hotel rooms I stayed in in L.A. to new articles and such, but first just wanted to say how happy I am to be home. I adore travel, find it vital and necessary and energizing, but it's so wonderful to be at home with wifi on a chilly day. Tomorrow I'm getting a used Mac laptop because I just can't live by Google Docs alone anymore. In the meantime, writing awaits, but one of my crowning travel achievements this trip was getting this Hello Kitty champagne glass home intact!


This isn't really a segue, but no, I don't drink much champagne, but you can read about my bubbly adventures in my essay "Champagne Sex," only in my new ebook Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays. Want a free copy? Be one of the first 25 people to show up at my book party November 17th, 6-8 pm at Sweet Revenge, 62 Carmine Street, NYC (near the West 4th Street A/C/E/B/D/F/M trains). We'll also have an open bar from 6-7!

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Sunday, November 02, 2014

Ask me anything and I'll answer on video

My amazing publisher Thought Catalog Books (who I recommend submitting to if you're shopping an ebook) is taping a little interview with me on Tuesday about my new ebook Sex & Cupcakes, and wants to know what your questions are! They can be about sex, cupcakes, writing, being a sex columnist (though I hadn't even been approached about this latest one when I turned in the manuscript!), Hello Kitty, kale, whatever. You can either Tweet them at @TC_Books using the hashtag #sexandcupcakes or email me at rachelkb at with "TC Books" in the subject line and I will do my best to answer everything on camera. Yes, I'm open to questions about anything. And a reminder that if you buy any of my other books in print or ebook or audiobook this month, I'll send you a free copy of Sex & Cupcakes. Here's the latest review from the November blog tour, by writer Ree Croteau. She writes, in part:
Sex & Cupcakes, like all good sexy writing, engages and challenges me to rethink what is hot. We find out how Kramer straddles the dichotomy of the real-world her, and the one online, the one who, as she puts it, has three names. She holds nothing back, talking about how she got started in this industry, the comments that people make in regards to her boyfriend, who is overweight, her struggles with orgasms being the be-all-end-all of sex, and why she doesn’t need a spreadsheet in the bedroom. She thinks about sex in a way that feels familiar, friendly, and open to me. If Dr. Ruth was a tiny old lady scolding you about sex, Sex & Cupcakes invites you over for coffee, tosses your coat onto a hook, then invites you to flop on the couch and tell it what you really think about the date you had last night.
Here's more info about the book:


Sex and Cupcakes by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Introduction: Writing What You Know When You Write About Sex

I Have Trouble With Orgasms
I’m Pro-Choice and I Fuck
What Kind of Submissive Are You?
Wearing My Tattooed Heart On My Sleeve
My Boyfriend’s Fat
I Don’t Want or Need an App to Measure My Sex Life
Sex and Cupcakes
Champagne Sex

Bonus photo that has nothing really to do with my ebook except that I just finished writing up a long article for Thought Catalog about Hello Kitty Con; here's two Hello Kitty "massagers" from the new exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum:


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Saturday, November 01, 2014

How to get a free copy of my essay collection Sex & Cupcakes this month

Happy November! It's my birthday month, which even though there's a lot riding on the next year, because 40 feels more like a deadline than a number, I'm excited to celebrate. I'm in the midst of teaching my first online class at LitReactor, and I finally after all these years became an author with my ebook Sex & Cupcakes. I cannot say enough good things about Thought Catalog Books, who I encourage you to check out if you have an ebook in you and if you like to read, and can't wait to have a book party in New York.


I used to throw book parties all the time; I thought if you went to the trouble of editing a book with your name front and center on the cover, you and it deserved a party. Almost 60 anthologies later, I realized that what I wanted even more was for people to read my work, to enjoy and connect with it. The past few years, especially after In The Flesh ended, I've focused on teaching and spreading the word about my books online. The truth is, most of the time, despite my inner social butterfly, I like being alone. I like having the time and space to sort out my thoughts. It's exciting and scary to feel like all eyes are on you, or at least, on what you've put out there. I was the most worried about protecting my relationship, while also exposing some of its secrets and inner life. It can feel like all eyes are on you, and sometimes I'm okay with that, and sometimes it's jarring. Yes, it's my eyes looking out at you from the book cover, but really it's the other way around.


But I also like connecting with people in real time, to seeing friends and making new ones, to hearing what people think. I hope this is a book that poly people (or poly-curious people) and fat people and their lovers and sex and erotica writers and pro-choice people and tattooed people will read, but really I hope it's a book anyone interested in sexuality and relationships will check out. I don't think you have to be like me in any of those ways to get something out of it.

Because this book is so deeply personal and such a milestone for me, and because of the generosity and kindness of both Sweet Revenge and Thought Catalog Books, I'm going to be sharing drinks and cupcakes with whoever wants to join us at the book party. That's happening Monday, November 17th, 6-8 pm, Sweet Revenge, 62 Carmine Street, NYC. Open bar from 6-7 and a free ebook for the first 25 attendees! And yes, cupcakes.

If you can't make the party (or even if you can), I've also got a special deal for you: from today, November 1st, through November 30th, you can get a free copy of Sex & Cupcakes from me. How? Just buy any of my Cleis Press titles, anywhere, in print or ebook or audiobook. Yes, any of the following titles, in any format, as long as it's a new copy purchased between November 1 and November 30. (For the early birds, these make great holiday gifts, at least, for certain giftees.)

Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples; Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica; Best Bondage Erotica 2011; Best Bondage Erotica 2012; Best Bondage Erotica 2013; Best Bondage Erotica 2014; Best Sex Writing 2008; Best Sex Writing 2009; Best Sex Writing 2010; Best Sex Writing 2012; Best Sex Writing 2013; Between the Cheeks; The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories; The Big Book of Submission; Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories; Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists; Cheeky Spanking Stories; Crossdressing; Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories; Fast Girls; Flying High: Sexy Stories from the Mile High Club; Going Down: Oral Sex Stories; Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex; He's on Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission; Hide and Seek: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists; Hungry for More; Instruments of Pleasure: Sex Toy Erotica; Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples; Obsessed: Erotic Romance for Women; Only You: Erotic Romance for Women; Orgasmic; Passion; Peep Show; Please, Ma'am: Erotic Stories of Male Submission; Please, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission; Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission; She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission; Smooth; Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica; Suite Encounters: Hotel Sex Stories; Surrender: Erotic Tales of Female Pleasure and Submission; Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories; Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories; Twice the Pleasure: Bisexual Women's Erotica; Women in Lust; Yes, Ma'am: Erotic Stories of Male Submission; Yes, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission


1. Forward the receipt (or send an image showing the receipt with purchase date) to rachelkb at with "BOGO" in the subject line.

2. Tell me which email address to send the Kindle edition of Sex & Cupcakes (cannot send to addresses) and you'll get an email shortly afterward with it as a gift from me via Amazon.

That's it! Thought if you want to help make my birthday month extra special, leaving a short review on Amazon of Sex & Cupcakes would be fabulous - I'm aiming for 39 reviews by my 39th birthday!

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