Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

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Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

With Jeannette Walls at the Elle Readers' Prize party

Taken by Kambri Crews at the Elle Readers' Prize party tonight at The Players Club. Jeannette read the part of The Glass Castle where she makes braces for herself, and was so kind and gracious to me and Kambri. She is not only a brilliant, brilliant writer, but totally kind, graceful, and filled with a warmth and heart that you just do not see every day. I was honored that we were able to attend. Elizabeth Kostova also read from her novel The Historian and we took home copies of both books and the latest Elle. That was just the start of my reading attendance tonight, but I'm on multiple deadlines so it will have to wait until I'm done or taking a break from the writing/reading.

utterly incapable

I'm so beyond on the verge of a nervous breakdown it's not even funny. The level of stress and overdue and memory overload and everything has just gone utterly beyond my grasp. Life goes on, I know, but sometimes I wish I really could escape for a good month or so. I'm sure it'll be fine but I think I have to start saying no to anything new and majorly catch up or I will collapse or kill myself or be jetting on a plane to somewhere far away very soon and may never return. I love New York but sometimes it's too much fucking work to survive here.

Is blog culture crass?

Luke Crisell, writing in this week's New York magazine about Tracey Emin, thinks so:

This is art that draws directly on the artist’s insecurities—work that may be more sophisticated than the crass culture of blogs and reality confessionals, but which also resonates with that culture, providing an emotional power that derives from similar awkward and eloquent shadings.

Susie Bright on New York magazine's "sex issue"

Susie Bright writes about the New York magazine sex issue:

I like chick candor. But I think the soft flesh is missing from a great deal of the current crop of most-hyped writers.  It's like that book "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star" which doesn't once discuss making love. There's no there there.

These publishing decisions are made by media executives who look at the success of "Sex and The City," and say, "Ah yes! What we need is more chatty, acquisitive, materialistic celebration of the most shallow and superficial elements of sex in our culture."  Bring it on, indeed.

You may read the latest sexgirl's exclamations of exhibitionism (ohmigod i walked down the street without my Victoria's Secret thong and my boss would die if he knew!)  but we never get to hear about the breeze that caresses her cunt, or the intimate risks of trading shopping for sex.


As for me, I've made my peace with the article. I'd have written it differently, don't really think it added much to any conversation about sex, and was disappointed that it didn't feature more of the interesting parts of our conversation, not to mentioned pandered to this idea that we can't all do what we'd like with our own sex lives, but it's fine, and clearly, a lot of people read it. But it was also a journalistic lesson for me: what you read is not always "what happened." It's funny because people quibble with me over my lame-ass stupid interviews, and I know they're not really lame-ass and stupid, it's just that I don't get paid anything, while these people get paid more than I get to edit my books, and it's frustrating. It's hard not to feel worthless when you're not getting paid, but anyway, my point is, it's funny because people quibble with me over tiny things and then I'm painted in such broad strokes, and we all look awful in the photo, and are supposed to be happy about it. But whatever. I'm really OVER people bashing people because, um, they have sex. Or because they don't. But I'm not really here to fight anyone else's battles for them, I just see how easily anyone's anger at any woman descends into calling her a bitch, slut, whore, adulterer, homewrecker, etc. It's such a fucking slippery slope, one that's all too easy, and I see that across the board. Not quite sure why people want to tell me the bad things they think about my friends, but it's okay, I can take it, and I am just glad I'm capable of making decisions not based on conventional wisdom. As I said to someone who was complaining about something another friend wrote about them on her blog - you just can't control what people will think about you. That's such a given, and it's a hard one for me but at the end of the day, I think we all have to know who we are and believe in ourselves independently of what anyone else, whether our worst enemies or biggest fans, thinks. You can't rely on those false sources, because they'll fuck with your head and lead you down roads that ultimately are totally unhealthy. I just have to work on myself and make the best decisions for myself, and not worry about what everyone else is doing. Sure, I wish I were making more money, weren't haggling over this and that, had more control over my book publication schedule, but I also know I'm incredibly lucky to be given so many opportunities, and I don't want to be a greedy spoiled brat about it. I would write even if I couldn't make a dime from it, and I have to remember that, and remember what I'm doing this for - for that feeling of euphoria when it all comes together well. For knowing I can string words together and make some sort of sense. For when a blank page transforms itself into something that hadn't even occurred to me.

Also, one quick note on Susie's take - those are not my beloved Fluevogs I'm wearing, but these cool new Skechers heels I bought. I do adore my Fluevogs and they are super comfy. And someone from Sweet Action was originally slated to also be part of the roundtable, not sure what happened.

it's all about the cleavage


boobies
Originally uploaded by the_educated_slut.
I know Nichelle also posted this pic, but miss j's boobs and bra (and hair!) are too pretty not to share, especially since I just advised someone to show off their cleavage on stage. Cause that's what I do when I'm nervous. Actually, it's what I do pretty much every day. I'm rocking this new purple dress that makes me feel sexy, which is always nice, at least I can appreciate myself and look hot while I'm not getting laid. I'm not really complaining though, just saying. It's actually all about the BRA. I forgot to say that last week I was wearing the same bra as someone else and we rubbed our boobs together, a thankfully unrecorded moment. My friends and I are all about showing off the bras. And the panties, on occasion.

Celebrity Living and December 4th KGB reading

Check out page 43 of the December 12th issue of Celebrity Living for my advice to Jennifer Aniston on how to spice up her sex life.

Class of 2006 reading tonight

The Class of 2006 Series @ Boxcar Lounge
Get a sneak preview of next year's best new first-time authors in the comfort of a cozy East Village bar. Boxcar Lounge is located at 168 Ave B (10th/11th). The reading starts at 8 PM.

Featuring:

Deborah Schoeneman has covered gossip, nightlife, real estate and society for the New York Observer, the New York Post, and New York Magazine, where she is a contributing editor. Her first novel, 4% FAMOUS, will be published by Random House in May. It was inspired by her stint as New York Magazine's gossip columnist for a year.

David Goodwillie is the author of the forthcoming memoir, SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME (Algonquin, Spring 2006), the story of his struggle to become a writer in New York City at the tumultuous end of the 20th century. He is a contributor to the essay collection MY FATHER MARRIED YOUR MOTHER (W. W. Norton, Spring 2006), and has published fiction and non-fiction in magazines and journals including Swink, Black Book and Cover. David has also played minor league baseball, worked as a private investigator, and headed the Sports Department at Sotheby's Auction House. He graduated from Kenyon College.

Shari Goldhagen holds an M.F.A. from Ohio State and a journalism degree from Northwestern. A fellow of both Yaddo and MacDowell, she currently lives in NYC and covers celebrities for a weekly women's magazine. Her first book, FAMILY AND OTHER ACCIDENTS, will be published by Doubleday in April 2006.

Jami Attenberg's non-fiction and fiction have been published by Print, Nylon, Salon, San Francisco Chronicle, Pindeldyboz, Bullfight Review, and others. Her first book, INSTANT LOVE, will be published by Crown/Shaye Areheart in June 2006. She's a graduate of Johns Hopkins University.

Just walk away . . . from the rudest man in the world: Ray

This is gonna be the quickie version cause I’m losing my mind this week with lack of sleep, umpteen deadlines, and just lots of juggling. But tonight I get to go to an Elle party with Kambri where we can once again tell Jeannette Walls how in awe of her we are (yes, many people will be getting The Glass Castle from me for the holidays). Then I’m gonna try to hit up the Boxcar Lounge reading that Jami Attenberg’s organizing.

Anyway, last night I hightailed it over to Mo Pitkin’s for Grace Reading Series, and outside I see Heidi and Morgan. I was like “wow, I have a welcoming committee” but they were actually there to tell me that Mo’s was double booked and the reading would be at 2 Boots, downstairs. That was cool cause I had movies to return. We settled downstairs on the pretty vinyl couches and found out there was free booze. I wasn’t partaking but still, always a nice thing. Everyone finally settled in, a pretty crowded room full of attentive folks, and then Elizabeth Merrick introduced us, I read an old Village Voice column ("Spanking Jessica Cutler" - as an aside, it was kindof weird to read now, because I'd never met Jessica when I wrote that, and that's kindof how we became friends. Also, I'm not exactly a fan of the New York magazine article, and while I totally welcome people's thoughts, keep in mind that a lot more was said and went done than made it into that slanted piece of journalism so if you want to base your opinions about people on a few quotes in there, be my guest, but it might help to read up on us/them before you do), and next week’s, Beth Lisick read about raiding her sister-in-law’s trendy SoHo closet, seeing Parker Posey at Built By Wendy, the New York-to-San-Francisco fashion time lag, and her hatred for the peasant look (all from an essay in Everybody Into the Pool), and there were a bunch of free pizzas. Anyway, so then I went on to wrap up and read “The End” from Best American Erotica 2006. It’s a very emotional, personal story, and while I have reading it pretty much down pat, with no mic, I was shaking a little. So I’m barely into the story and this man comes barreling down the stairs and starts screaming, at Elizabeth and kindof the whole room, about how “You have to be out of here right now! Your time is up, you have to leave!” Louder and louder and louder. Elizabeth told me to keep reading, so I did, making my voice a bit louder. Then their shouting escalated, and I decided to skip to the end. The audience was really hanging on every word and seemed to want me to finish – they were a great audience – and so I jump ahead and read but this guy just keeps right on shouting. He seemed totally enraged, like he could’ve been high or just set off for some reason. It was bad and very hard to not get rattled, so finally I ended and I swear he would’ve taken a freaking cattle prod and herded us out of there if he could. I thought his head would explode or something.

Then I found out that our super sweet bartender, Scott (I think), was actually from Mo Pitkin’s, cause I went there afterward for Chicks and Gaygles and ran into him on the stairs and he was super apologetic. I knew it wasn’t his or anyone else’s fault other than Ray, who apparently was having a rollicking party or something downstairs because when I went back to 2 Boots around 10 to rent Adam’s Rib, (why, I'm not sure, cause I have no time to watch it) it was in full swing from what I could hear. I’m still not quite clear on who he is, but I can say I would never book a show or anything at 2 Boots, and while I have rentals remaining on my membership, I may end it when I’m done. He was one of the rudest people I’ve ever seen, and showed a child’s level of patience and understanding. That is just not the way to make your point, and the whole audience seemed to share my disgust with his sense of entitlement. But in the end, all was well, and everyone at Mo’s was super understanding and nice about it, and rumor has it I’m also gonna get the chance to read there next year. Anyway, Carolyn Castiglia was ROCKING the hot momma look at her comedy show, and when I snuck downstairs I ran into Elizabeth Merrick and her cohorts, including Jessa Crispin from Bookslut! I got to have a free yummy chocolate vodka egg cream, indulge in some gossip, and just hang out for a while. It was a very crazy night with all the yelling, but I think I came out ahead and held my own as best I could.

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about how some people spend a lot of time focusing on who and what they hate. I just don’t really have time for that. I feel like if I die tomorrow, I don’t want my last thoughts to be about the evil, rude, lying, etc. people in this world. I want them to be about the people I love and care about – the former seem to occupy a disproportionate place in the world, using their voices and meanness and evil ways to drown out everyone else, and that’s sad, but we don’t have to give in to that. We don’t have to let it affect us. Maybe it’s denial, but I have so much internal drama, I am always angling toward the bottom, toward the most horrific, depressing, self-deprecating thought, always questioning what I’ve done wrong and why I’m so fucked up, that any time I can surmount that, that I can rise above it, I want to grab that opportunity and hold on tight. And the people I admire the most are those who can turn those awful events and awful people and experiences into good things, positive things, things that help people. Into art, entertainment, comedy, catharsis. It’s certainly not a simple process, but settling for their lowest common denominators of human behavior, whether it’s this guy or other gross people I’ve encountered, really doesn’t serve me. I do believe that karma is a boomerang and those people have to live with their own behavior and its consequences. The world isn’t a morality tale where everyone literally gets what’s coming to them in clear and obvious ways. We may never get the satisfaction of seeing the wrongdoers get their comeuppance, but I think that’s sortof the point—they do, just by existing. They may have no soul or conscience, but WE DO. We can rise above it and their own sad tragedy of not having a heart, not caring who they hurt, is their punishment. But waiting for their downfall is just as perilous as trying to enable it. I’ve had to just walk away from certain people and situations, but the thing is, there are always better people, true friends and supporters, right around the corner. Life really is too short, at least for me, to waste it on the dregs of humanity, to bother with the false satisfaction of “revenge,” to waste that time when I could be doing something useful. And that’s not easy at all; I struggle with it every day. But I think when we encounter the worst of human behavior, it’s an opportunity to grow and learn, to realize that the world is not a bubble of utopian goodness, that not everyone operates on the same moral playing field, and that we can coexist within that, but do not have to interact with the evil. So basically, my point is that we can STEP AWAY FROM THE EVIL. That’s it, just walk away, or boycott their businesses, and believe, even if the everyday reality we see in front of us does not deliver this in every moment, that karma is a boomerang. Maybe I’m wrong and that’s not true and the real way to “get ahead” is by lying, cheating, stealing, and being rude and awful and horrible, but if it is, then count me out. I’ll leave that to all the other people, and I think we know who they are.

Update: Jessa Crispin posted her take on it and I learned that Bookslut now has a reading series in Chicago

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Food porn - for real

Daily Pennsylvanian article on campus porn and Quake, their new literary erotica magazine

In an insightful article printed last month, Harper's magazine pointed out that television food networks have begun mimicking the cinematography of the sex industry in an attempt to create a false culinary utopia into which they can entice their viewers.

Cupcake blog on Blogebrity!

Not only did Neil at Blogebrity give the cupcake blog a glowing writeup, but he also gets the sex/cupcake connection. And cupcakes are not just a girl thing, even though I think most of the cupcake fanatics are women. It's interesting because a good number of the cupcake bakeries are run by women, though some like CakeLove and Little Cupcake, are run by men. What I think is: there are an infinite number of reasons to adore and savor cupcakes.

But then again, there is a bit of sexuality in cupcakes. Maybe that's what even makes them such a sensual treat. There is something va-va-voom about a cupcake -- well put-together, adorned with colorful accessories . . .

For those who don't know, I'm 1/3 owner (well, blogger) of Cupcakes Take the Cake

I'm reading tonight at Grace!

You'll have to show up to see what I'll be reading. For some reason, I thought it was at KGB cause I'm confused like that - this is perfect cause them I'm staying for Chicks and Gaygles and can also return my videos to Two Boots. I am doing more readings in the next few weeks than I ever have all at once - tonight, Dec. 1 at Museum of Sex, Dec. 4 at KGB, Dec. 11 at East Side Oral, Dec. 12 at Cornelia Street Cafe, Dec. 14 at Pete's Candy Store and Dec. 21 at my series, In The Flesh, though I may just play hostess that night if we're short on time. So many readings, so many outfits to pick out...

GRACE READING SERIES

TUESDAY 11/29, 7pm

with BETH LISICK and RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL

at Mo Pitkins, 34 Ave. A (between 2nd and 3d Streets), NYC 212.777.5660
FREE admission. SUBWAY: F or V train to 2nd Avenue.

Beth Lisick is a beloved San Francisco performance artist and essayist, whose new book, EVERYBODY INTO THE POOL, is getting rave reviews:

"Lisick's fizzy and delightful collection of autobiographical sketches comes from the David Sedaris school of drollery." Grade A *EDITOR'S CHOICE* --Entertainment Weekly

"One of the funniest and most energetic writers in the San Francisco Bay Area . If she ever wrote an episode of Sex and the City, it would probably turn into Freaks and Geeks. Lisick is a champion of the unglamorous and risky." - The Oregonian

Rachel Kramer Bussel writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice and the Girl Talk column for Penthouse, where she's a Contributing Editor. She blogs at lustylady.blogspot.com, conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com, writes book reviews for BUST and The New York Post, and edits erotic anthologies such as Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. She also writes about books, cupcakes, pop culture, and sex, sometimes all at once.

The Grace Reading Series hosted by Elizabeth Merrick is a monthly event designed to celebrate and support women writers. Elizabeth is also the editor of the forthcoming Random House anthology THIS IS NOT CHICK LIT. Her acclaimed debut novel, GIRLY, which Tom Perrotta calls "an ambitious and moving first novel, an intimate family epic," will be available in December 2005.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Writing!

I don't know if I've ever been this enthused about writing a Village Voice column, or writing anything, at least, in recent memory. I'm sure I have or I'd never have made it this far, but it's just this huge, beautiful adrenaline rush. I can't even remember the last time I got so swept away with the sheer act of writing, thinking, collecting, interviewing. I feel like I may have hit on a topic for a book proposal. It's so big and juicy and fascinating, and what's funny is that it's not even something stemming from my own life. But I'm talking to some of the smartest, sexiest, most fascinating women I know, I mean, whipsmart, brilliant, amazing thinkers, performers, about these daring, sometimes shocking ideas, and it all makes sense. And then I have to wrap it up into a tidy 1100 word package and that makes me sad and tests my word whittling skills to the limit. But it feels so good to fall in love with writing again, to not have it be any kind of chore but a blessing, a gift, a delight, a thrill. To know that maybe I'll piss some people off and shock others but at the core I'm talking about truths, the kind of sexual truths that so often stay hidden. That makes me feel so fucking alive it's not even funny.

Unrelated but worth reading: Barely Legal Blog - no, it's not what you think, it's actually a law student blog. I just found out about it and it looks pretty cool.

Stay tuned for next week's column. To be totally immodest for a second, it's gonna be fucking awesome.

Hot


IMGP2160
Originally uploaded by Alice Ayers.
Just wanted to say happy housewarming and fun panting to Miss GirlyNYC who opened up her cozy, purple, purplish and red apartment to us yesterday and made us laugh, fed us and was her very fun, awesome self. And I got to give Nichelle birthday spankings with a spatula!

Vote for me!

What an honor...this very blog has been nominated for "Best Urban Sex Blog" in Gridskipper's 2005 Urban Blogging Awards (aka The Urbs). I guess I'll have to spice things up around here. Soon I can tell you about this new book project I'm working on-let's just say, if I was getting any action lately, I could be using it as "research" for my book.

Also, The Apiary is nominated for Best Urban Nightlife Blog and World's Best Urban Arts Blog, and many other familiar names are there too. Very cool, although I don't necessarily think of this as a sex blog, but I'll take it.

Speaking of sex though, Miriam Datskovsky writes about sex toys in her new column. It's also got one of the best column titles I've seen in a while. She's even inspired a blogger to want to become a sex columnist - wonder what Maureen Dowd would have to say about that?

December 4th reading

Please join us for a selection of readings from Stirring Up A Storm: Tales of the Sensual, the Sexual, and the Erotic.

Edited by Marilyn Jaye Lewis. Published by Thunder's Mouth Press

When: Sunday, December 4th @ 7 PM
Where: KBG Bar Sunday Night Fiction, 85 E. 4th Street, NYC
What & Who: Selected readings from Stirring up A Storm with Lauren Henderson, Lynda Schor, M.M. De Voe, and Rachel Kramer Bussel. Evening introduced by Marilyn Jaye Lewis
How much: Admission Free!

About the participants:

Marilyn Jaye Lewis is co-editor of the internationally acclaimed Mammoth Book of Erotic Photography and founder of the Erotic Authors Association. She is the award-winning author of Neptune & Surf, a trio of erotic novellas, called by the UK's Guardian newspaper "a sensational debut...take(s) literate erotica well beyond the boundaries once staked by Story of O..." Her popular erotic romance novels include When Hearts Collide, In the Secret Hours, and When the Night Stood Still. She is the editor of the top-selling Hot Womens' Erotica collection for Book-of-the-Month Club, and the upcoming Zowie! It's Yaoi! Western Girls Write Hot Stories of Boys Love! for Thunder's Mouth Press.

Lauren Henderson was born in London and educated at Cambridge, where she studied English Literature with a special focus on Jane Austen (in her second year) and vampires in 19th century romantic and gothic novels (in her third). She has written seven books in her Sam Jones mystery series, which has been optioned for American TV, many short stories, and three romantic comedies - My Lurid Past, Don’t Even Think About It and Exes Anonymous. Her latest book is Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating, published in the US by Hyperion. Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating has also been optioned as a feature film by Kiwi Smith, who wrote "Ten Things I Hate About You" and "Legally Blonde". Lauren’s books have been translated into over 20 languages. Together with Stella Duffy she has edited an anthology of women-behaving-badly crime stories, Tart Noir.

Lynda Schor is the author of three books of short fiction, Appetites, True Love & Real Romance, and, most recently, The Body Parts Shop. Her stories, which have been nominated for an O'Henry Award, have been published in Playboy, Ms., The Village Voice, Mademoiselle, and many literary magazines and anthologies. A winner of many grants and awards, including two Maryland State Arts Council Awards, Schor is the fiction editor of the online literary magazine, Salt River Review. She teaches fiction writing at The New School.

M.M. De Voe: is a prize-winning author, whose short fiction has been published in PRISM: International, The Spectator, SLANT, and Bee Museum. Her translations of contemporary Lithuanian fiction are forthcoming in anthologies in Canada and the European Union. She holds an MFA from Columbia University. Her YA novel, Burn in our Hearts, was a finalist for the 2004 Bellwether Prize. This past October, her short piece, "Plague Mice," was published in the Fall issue of Mississippi Review. She is a sometimes actress and a New York City resident. Milda's contribution to Stirring Up A Storm, "Overheard," is a 2005 Pushcart Prize nominee for short fiction.

Rachel Kramer Bussel: is the editor of Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z Vols. 1 and 2, as well as the forthcoming Glamour Girls: Femme/Femmer Erotica and several other erotic anthologies. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse. She writes the Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice and conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro. Her writing has been published in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, as well as AVN, Bust, Cleansheets.com, The New York Post, On Our Backs, Penthouse Forum, Playgirl, Punk Planet, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York and others.

Visit www.stirringupastorm.com

purple wall, purple shirt, diet coke


IMGP2162
Originally uploaded by Alice Ayers.
At GirlyNYC's fabulous housewarming party yesterday. Photo by Alice Ayers

New photo galleries

Such an action-packed weekend and ultra-busy week, so posting may be light, though I want to give some reports on Cookie and Black Book and all the socializing, but it may have to wait till next weekend or when insomnia strikes. For now, my new photo galleries are up, including formal photo shoots and candids, and more are being added all the time.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Jasmine says this one makes me look like Veronica Lake

© Jasmine Hirst 2005

Super serious


Serious mode
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
© Jasmine Hirst 2005

Welcome to my mess


Lying on top of books
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Photographed in one of the rooms in my apartment (aka the "spare room")

© Jasmine Hirst 2005

Merry XXXMas Book of Erotica

Also got my contributor's copies of The Merry Xmas Book of Erotica which also makes an excellently naughty holiday gift. My story is called "Last Minute Shopping."

quiet

Super quiet weekend, mostly catching up on my sleep, my reading, since I have about 6 book reviews due soon, and renting movies and trying to write while half-watching them (last night: Degrassi Junior High's first 3 episodes, and In Good Company, tonight Happy Endings and The Philadelphia Story). I like long weekends cause I can sleep whenever I want, which is oftenmeans little naps and then waking up in the middle of the night. I'm also very into these Fluffshop holiday cards as I plan out my holiday cards, and hopefully at least half the people on my list will actually get cards this year.

I'm thankful to be back in the city, waiting in the bus in New Jersey in the freezing cold was not exactly tons of fun. What else? Eating all kinds of food, trying to stay warm, digging through the endless mounds of stuff I own in an attempt to purge some/most of it. Oh yeah, I got asked out at my cousin's bris. That was kindof weird and surprising, but we shall see. Photos forthcoming from my recent photo shoot and also my super adorable new cousin.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Upcoming Village Voice column help

My next Voice column is gonna be so good, I'm really excited about it.

If anyone has anything to say about:

Going home for the holidays with a lover/partner - How does your family treat your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife? Do your families differ in their treatment of you as a couple? Do you sleep in the same room/have sex when visiting the family? Family drama, tension, sex stories, preferential treatment, etc. - Anything related to this.

Hair Color fetishes - Blondes, brunettes, redheads, Manic Panic lust - if girls or guys with a certain hair color make you go wild, I want to know about it.

Please email me at mail at rachelkramerbussel.com with "Lusty Lady" in the subject line and share your thoughts/experiences, along with your name, age, occupation and location (I'm happy to use pseudonyms if need be). I'm pretty much done with the first one but if you have a fabulous story (especially something that happened when going home over Thanksgiving weekend), I'd love to hear it.

I'm thankful for...

My friend Holly reminded me the other day that Thanksgiving is not just about schlepping all over the place, complaining about one's family, and stuffing your face. It's also about being thankful, and I have so, so much to be thankful for, so while this isn't an exhaustive list, I am thankful for:

my week-old cousin Adam Jacob, who I got to hold and fall in love with yesterday. He is so small and sweet and squishy and adorable, and I get to carry him into the room at his bris tomorrow. As Carolyn said the other day about Adriana, "Isn't she perfect?" Yes yes yes.

Cute babies in general

Cupcakes for bringing so much fun into my life, and helping us form a community of like-minded cupcake lovers

Having a creative and fulfilling job, and the chance to write for all sorts of different venues that feed my soul, if not always my paycheck. For being so fortunate as to have 2 columns, a reading series, 5 erotica books to edit, and brilliant, talented people I get to interview and gush over, and just the many doors that have been and continue to be opened for me. I've stopped thinking of it as the surreal life, though it still is a little, but I'm so amazingly grateful for all these outlets and opportunities, because they each feed something different for me.

New York City and all the opportunities it affords, from random parties to communities of artists, writers, bloggers and comedians

All my friends, especially everyone Heidi, Nichelle, Allison, Shari, Ellen, Susie, Kambri, Claudia, Elise, Miriam, Jon, Jessica, Morgan, Michael, Elizabeth, Felicia, Cheryl, Martha, and every else who just shows me, in big and small ways, that they care about me. I feel like I'm so, so lucky to have such wonderful, smart, creative, talented awesome people in my life who just make everything more fun and entertaining and interesting.

I'm thankful for having made it to age 30 and not feeling like there's anything hugely missing. There are things I want, things I hope are coming my way in the next year or whenever, but I don't feel deprived necessarily, and I hope that the good things, and good people, are worth waiting for. I feel like I've gained a lot of wisdom in the last few years, and I'm especially grateful for all those awful experiences for helping make me who I am today, for the debt for making me see the value of money, for the crappy relationships and losers I've dated for showing me what I don't want, for the soul-numbing jobs for showing me I can survive in those environments. I just feel very at peace, very grateful - for being able to afford to live alone, for all the opportunities I've been afforded, and for being able to just move forward, to be open to new and exciting things that my city and surroundings have to offer.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Slate interviews Sarah Schulman

Manic Flight Reaction playwright and novelist Sarah Schulman is interviewed at Slate about Rent and her charge that the play and film plagiarized from her life and her novel People in Trouble.

Slate: What was most annoying about Larson's borrowing your characters and situations?

Schulman: ...

It's true not only with
Rent, but with all the iconic works about AIDS. The political movement of AIDS activism—which is an integral, organic part of the history of the crisis—has been removed from most of the mainstream storytelling around AIDS. [In these pieces,] gay people are always alone and self-oppressed, and have no community, and are dependent on some kind of other—a benevolent straight person, a homophobic lawyer, or even, in some cases, a woman—to take care of them, because they're so self-hating that they cannot take care of themselves.

That's the official story. The real story of the AIDS crisis is the story of a group of despised people who had no rights, who came together, saved each other's lives, and changed the world. And that is not the story you find in any of these mainstream depictions.

Slate: Let me play devil's advocate. Isn't Rent progressive? It revolves around people with AIDS. It shows men kissing, women kissing …

Schulman: That's a retrograde point of view. In a time when people denied the existence of gays and lesbians, work that asserted that gays and lesbians existed with some minimum of human integrity could be coded as progressive. But since the AIDS crisis, most Americans personally know people who are openly gay. At this point, to simply represent or acknowledge that gay people exist is no longer inherently progressive, and to depict gay people as people who have no agency is retrogressive.

Team Party Crash

I also had too many drinks to caption these photos, so all I'll say is that I love the first one with the smoke, Malice is NOT feeling me up even though it might appear that way, and I wish Krucoff a very happy, healthy and informative trip to Israel.

my stammering, immortalized

For those who missed or want to relive Monday night's debate:

Here are the times it will be on CUNY TV:
monday 1/9 10am 4pm 10pm
sat 1/14 most likely 5pm, but maybe 4pm

It will be available is streaming video and as a podcast on The Smith Family Foundation website in a week or two.

So grateful to GirlyNYC for calling last night and luring me out to Lolita, even though I didn't plan to stay forever, but being surrounded by bloggers and hotties, and blogger hotties, was just too irresistible. The earlier part of my night found me almost getting my laptop stolen, getting schooled in British slang, hanging out with Tommy Lee's agent, and discussing my new column topic: rape fantasies. The later part involved stoli vanilla and diet coke, countless photographs, much silliness, cheek pinching, "Save Krucoff Fuck Conde Nast" buttons, me cradling a purse to demonstrate my ticking biological clock, and some very strange debates.

But what I really want to know is - do Krispy Kremes cure hangovers?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

January 18, 2006 In The Flesh Reading Series

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 18th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free

Stay warm this winter with the hottest and juiciest words in the city! January welcomes a stunning mix of performers, including romance novelist Edith Layton (Gypsy Lover), fiction writer Danyel Smith (Bliss), and erotic storytellers Iris N. Schwartz (Stirring Up a Storm) and Rob Stephenson (Best Gay Erotica), along with a naughty tale from host Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a new monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include travel tales, fetishes, true confessions and erotic memoirs.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Edith Layton is the author of over 30 novels, including Alas, My Love, The Return of the Earl, To Tempt a Bride, The Devil’s Bargain, and her latest, Gypsy Lover. She has received she received a Lifetime Achievement Award from Romantic Times, and excellent reviews, awards and commendations from Library Journal, Romance Readers Anonymous and The Romance Writers of America.

Iris N. Schwartz is a fiction writer, poet, and editor whose story, “Hedonics,” is included in the anthology Stirring Up A Storm: Tales of the Sensual, the Sexual, and the Erotic. Her novella, The Fruits of Her Labors, is in That’s Amore! Her erotic fiction has also been anthologized in The Big Book of Hot Women’s Erotica 2004, Down and Dirty 2003, and elsewhere. She’s had poetry anthologized in An Eye For an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind: Poets on 9/11, and in the U.K.-based Listening to the Birth of Crystals. In addition, her writing has appeared in on-line and print publications such as Ducts Magazine, Erbacce, Ludlow Press, Pikeville Review, and Vernacular. Iris is Articles Editor for the Web site Littleviews.com. She has performed her work at many venues, including Bowery Poetry Club, Collective Unconscious, KGB Bar, and The Knitting Factory, as well as on WBAI, WBAR, WNYE, and WSTR radio stations, on-line, interactive TV, and cable TV.

Danyel Smith is a former ed-at-large for Time Inc. and a former ed-in-chief of Vibe. She writes around for Elle, Cosmo, Essence, wrote once (!) for the New Yorker, will show up in Rolling Stone sometimes, still reps in spirit for the San Francisco Bay Guardian, and wrote concert/album reviews for the New York Times back in the day. Smith is the author of the San Francisco Chronicle-bestselling novel, More Like Wrestling, and she wrote the introduction for the New York Times-bestseller Tupac Shakur. Her second novel, Bliss, was published in July 2005.

Rob Stephenson's writing appears over fifty publications Rob Stephenson's writing appears in over 50 publications online and in print including: Skin and Ink, Between the Palms, Blithe House Quarterly, BUTT, Dangerous Families, Problem Child, Best Gay Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Tough Guys, and Perspectives on Evil and Human Wickedness. He is co-founder of the Erotic Authors Association.

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She is just too too adorable


ps_DSC0942
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
And the rest of this round of Nichelle's party photos (many snapped by me, I believe, once I grabbed that camera I wouldn't let go, kindof like I was with the baby).

Zane's Call for Submissions for Caramel Flava

Zane is on my In The Flesh wish list - so far, nothing's worked out, but maybe down the road, that would be awesome. Anyway, I saw this call on the Erotica Readers & Writers Association site and thought it might be of interest. It's rare to see public calls for erotica from major publishers. 250,000 copies is...a LOT more than my books sell! But I have more books on the way, many more at this point (more on that later), though I am hoping to make the leap to a big publisher soon, but we'll see. For now, I am plugging away, working with some of my favorite indie presses and editing really cool, fun anthologies, to be released in 2006 and 2007. I highly recommend ERWA for all sorts of info on writing erotica.

Caramel Flava
Editor: Zane
Publisher: Atria Books (a division of Simon and Schuster)
Deadline: February 14, 2006

Caramel Flava—the long anticipated follow-up to Chocolate Flava, which has gone into the umpteenth printing--will be released in the Summer of 2006. The authors selected will receive $300.00 and five complimentary copies of the book. The exposure is priceless because the book will sell a minimum of 250,000 copies and will be marketed cross- culturally. Keep in mind that most books published never sell more than 10,000 copies during their entire shelf life.

Stories must be between 3,000 and 5,000 words. Stories must feature at least one character of Latino descent. Stories must be erotic and if you have no idea what my idea of erotica is, you need to read Chocolate Flava. I am not looking for stories with weak, sugar-coated sex. Nor am I looking for stories that are nothing but fluff. There must be a storyline and characters readers can get into. Stories cannot be degrading to either sex. In fact, they should empower the reader to discover sexual liberation.

Unlike other erotica anthologies that concentrate on getting well known authors to participate, I am looking for erotic stories, and names have nothing to do with it. That will not determine the success of this book because it will be without relying on that; just as Chocolate Flava has been and that book is full of people using obvious pen names. I am more interested in discovering new and powerful voices. As with Chocolate Flava, Caramel Flava will be divided into three sections a male section, a female section, and will end with a section of stories written by me.

The deadline for submissions is Valentine's Day. I will not accept email submissions. All submissions must be sent to:
Strebor Books International
ATTN Caramel Flava
PO Box 6505
Largo, MD 20792.

Blessings,

Zane

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East Side Oral goes back to the 80's!

I'll be reading something (something new and probably non-smutty, not sure what yet) about the 80's at EAST SIDE ORAL's special 80's-themed reading. The lineup includes me, Allen Salkin (Festivus), Kim Brittingham, hostess with the mostest Elise Miller (Star Cravind Mad) and 80's songs by Bryan Miller.

Sunday, December 11th, 5 pm
The Living Room
154 Ludlow
between Stanton and Rivington
F Train to 2nd Avenue or Delancey Street
no cover
2 drink minimum

Interview with Don Weise, Senior Editor, Carroll & Graf

My interview with Don Weise, Senior Editor, Carroll & Graf

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latest Lusty Lady column

Info on the panel (it went well) later or over the weekend, very swamped this week. Have a great column lined up for next time too. Here's the latest Lusty Lady column:

Single, Female—And Over 40
Women of a certain, sexy age are at their erotic peak

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Monday, November 21, 2005

Just what my bank account needs...

I guess Consumerist is the next Gawker site to launch - honored to be in the first round of Fleshbot comment invites, though I am not one for frequent commenting:

You've successfully registered for Gawker comments. To read or post comments, simply click the comments icon below each post on the blogs below.

Consumerist
Deadspin
Defamer
Fleshbot
Gawker
Gizmodo
Gridskipper
Jalopnik
Kotaku
Lifehacker
Screenhead
Wonkette

Panel TONIGHT

RSVP here if you want to go. It's free.

The Donald & Paula Smith Family Foundation

Presents a debate:

Porn in the Age of Instant Access:
What are the social effects of fast, cheap & stigma-free viewing?

Featuring
Nick Gillespie
Editor, Reason Magazine

Rachel Kramer Bussel
Columnist Village Voice & Penthouse

Pamela Paul
author Pornified & The Starter Marriage

Robert W. Peters
President, Morality In The Media

Moderator
Brooke Gladstone
NPR’s On The Media

The Internet and digital cable have allowed the purchasing and viewing of pornography to become easier than ever. While porn consumers can now easily keep their interests private, the porn producers has become more public and corporate. The U.S. porn industry now generates $12 billion annually: more than the combined revenues of the major television networks. What are the culture effects of this mainstreaming? Can and should there be a political response to these trends?

Monday, November 21st 2005
6:30 P.M. Prompt
(Free and open to the public - Reception to follow)

The Graduate Center
The City University of New York
365 Fifth Avenue, New York
(Corner of 34th Street & 5th Avenue)

I was so earnest back then, wasn't I?

I didn't realize letters to the editor I wrote in high school were archived on The New York Times's website, but apparently, they are. Yes, I got my start writing umpteen letters to the editor to all sorts of publications. Then there was that law school detour, but I was always writing something, and here I am today.

Holding Adriana


rachelwithadriana
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Holding the adorable, tiny and very still and sleeping Adriana was the highlight of my weekend. Happy birthday to Mommy Carolyn as well!

Violet magazine

Sorry for the lack of weekend updates, I was out and about. Photos forthcoming.

Tonight is the big panel on porn, so please come out - there will be books for sale, and hopefully I won't stammer too much.

Also, I wrote a Citizen Media Critic essay about Violet for Mediabistro - since I wrote it, a new issue has been released, which even has a recipe by Hey There, Cupcake! author Clare Crespo.

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Sage Vivant and M. Christian on erotica writing

Buzz, Balls & Hype asks them about the future (and present) of erotica writing

Miriam on Derek and Romaine tonight

My awesome friend Miriam Datskovsky is going to be on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius Satellite Radio tonight - you can go here for a free preview. She'll be on at 8:15 and she might, just might, be giving her uncensored opinion about our New York magazine piece.

self-promotional testing

Testing something out for Amazon - #2 is coming soon, but I also highly recommend this book. Also just got advance copies of Best American Erotica 2006 which features L. Elise Bland's excellent story "Every Good Boy Deserves Favors" from Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z.



Reminder: Register for Monday's Panel on Porn

The Donald & Paula Smith Family Foundation

present a debate

Porn in the Age of Instant Access:
What are the social effects of fast, cheap & stigma-free viewing?

Featuring Nick Gillespie, Editor, Reason Magazine; Rachel Kramer Bussel, Columnist, Village Voice & Penthouse; Pamela Paul, author, Pornified & The Starter Marriage; and Robert W. Peters, president of Morality in the Media.

Moderator: Brooke Gladstone, NPR's On The Media

The Internet and digital cable have allowed the purchasing and viewing of pornography to become easier than ever. While porn consumers can now easily keep their interests private, the porn producers has become more public and corporate. The U.S. porn industry now generates $12 billion annually: more than the combined revenues of the major television networks. What are the culture effects of this mainstreaming? Can and should there be a political response to these trends?

Monday, November 21st 2005
6:30 P.M. Prompt
(Free and open to the public - Reception to follow)

The Graduate Center
The City University of New York
365 Fifth Avenue, New York
(Corner of 34th Street & 5th Avenue)

Click here to RSVP for this event.

If you signed up for the mailing list at a previous event, but have not visited the site before, you may be asked to complete your registration and select a password in order to RSVP. Once your account is activated, you can use it to RSVP for future events and receive updates from The Smith Foundation.

My column in German

One of my Voice columns ("Sex and Dating Deal Breakers") was reprinted in German by the publication Aufbau.

No comment

But come to the panel on Monday night about porn with me, Pamela Paul, Nick Gillespie and (filling in for salmonella-stricken Ben Shapiro) Robert W. Peters.

From Saint Paul Pioneer Press

In what may have been the most compelling argument against pornography I've ever heard, Pamela Paul, author of a book titled "Pornified: How the Culture of Pornography is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships and Our Families," explained that there may come a day when the human male sees no ancillary benefits to taking out the garbage and shoveling the snow.

"If (men) go to their wives, well, just practically speaking, they have to make sure they have done all of the chores around the house they were supposed to do. They need to have a half-an-hour conversation about what they did that day," explained Paul.

This foreplay can take as long as 90 minutes, Paul pointed out, while "it takes five minutes to go online."

December 21st Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 reading at In The Flesh



Fingers crossed that the books are in hand by the 21st, but even if they're not (publication's been a bit delayed), we will be reading, and, if you're naughty, or maybe even if you're nice, some of us may be willing to spank you, but you'll have to ask when you get there.

In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series
Wednesday, December 21st, 8 pm
Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, NYC (http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free

Join In The Flesh host Rachel Kramer Bussel for a reading from and book party for her latest anthology, Naughty Spanking Stories from a to Z 2, along with local contributors Cheryl B., Tsaurah Litzky, Nichelle, Betty Taylor and Michele Zipp. They will all read short selections from their work, and refreshments will be served! Spankings are optional.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark. www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Cheryl B. is a poet and essayist. Her work appears in over two dozen anthologies and literary magazines including; BLOOM, Pills, Thrills, Chills and Heartache: Adventures in the First Person (Alyson) and Best Lesbian Erotica 2005 (Cleis Press) among many others. She is the recipient of a 2003 poetry fellowship from the New York Foundation for the Arts and a writer’s residency from the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. A native New Yorker, she lives in Brooklyn and online at www.cherylb.com

Tsaurah Litzky believes in bustiers , fishnets, hedging her bets, no regrets and the beneficial effects of a good spanking. Her erotica has appeared in many publications including Best American Erotica, Penthouse, The Blacklisted Journalist, Politically Inspired, Wicked Women 7 and she is particularly delighted to have a story in volume 1 of Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z. Her erotic novella, The Motion of the Ocean is included in Three the Hard Way, a series of erotic novellas published by Simon & Schuster. She has also published eight books of poetry and is currently at work on an erotic novel. Tsaurah teaches erotic writing at the New School and erotic poetry at the Bowery Poetry Club. http://tsaurahlitzky.com

Nichelle is a Southern girl who loves New York City. For laughs, she produces "Chicks and Giggles," an all-girl stand-up comedy show. She writes on her blog, Nichelle Newsletter (http://nichellenewsletter.typepad.com) and she is a co-blogger on Cupcakes Take The Cake blog (http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com). Nichelle has read her work all over New York City at Atomic Reading Series, Reading Series at Barbes, Sunday Salon and WYSIWYG at PS 122. Her work has appeared online at The Black Table, Gothamist, New York Cool and The Simon.

Bette Taylor grew up in rural Oregon. Now 29 and a lawyer in New York City, she thinks up dirty stories during her lunch breaks. Buy her a drink sometime.

Michele Zipp has been called a “softly panting GOP sex tigress” by some circles of the media, but she’s really just an old fashioned girl who loves chocolate and secrets. As the ex-editor-in-chief of a certain dick mag, Michele is now freelancing and on certain nights can be found dancing atop tables in bars in her hometown of NYC looking for some bipartisan inspiration. Her writings have appeared in Heat Wave, Juicy Erotica, Best Bondage Erotica, Naughty Stories From A To Z 3, and of course Naughty Spanking Stories From A To Z I.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Lawsuits are much more interesting to me now than they were in 1996

I'd have made a terrible lawyer, but some aspects of the law still fascinate me. Just got this July 26th filing by Jessica Cutler's lawyers via my Google news alert on "Robert Steinbuch" and found it fascinating, especially this part (bolding mine):

Steinbuch’s complaint comes too late as to all but the last blog entry concerning
him. Leaving aside the one-year statute of limitations, Steinbuch’s complaint fails to state a claim upon which relief can be granted because: (1) Steinbuch had no reasonable expectation of privacy in a sexual relationship he chose to have with Cutler; (2) Steinbuch waived whatever right of privacy he may initially have held in his sexual relationship with Cutler by consenting to Cutler’s disclosure of details of that relationship to their fellow co-workers; (3) most of the facts Cutler disclosed about Steinbuch in the blog were no longer private by the time they were described in the blog (the right of privacy with respect to the remainder having been waived); (4) the website Wonkette gained unauthorized access to Cutler’s personal blog and "publicized" its contents within the meaning of invasion of privacy caselaw; and (5) Cutler had a First Amendment privilege to discuss her own personal sexual experiences with Steinbuch, which have a logical nexus to the general topic of sex, money, and political power, matters of legitimate public interest, especially in Washington.

Steinbuch’s claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress suffers the same
infirmities with respect to the statute of limitations and the First Amendment privilege. Additionally, this claim is deficient as a matter of law because: (1) Cutler’s conduct was not so outrageous in character as to go beyond all possible bounds of decency and neither was it so atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized community; (2) Steinbuch’s allegations fail to satisfy the requisite level of intentionality or to establish causation; and (3) Steinbuch’s allegations of emotional distress are wholly devoid of particularity and are therefore legal conclusions masquerading as fact.

And finally, Steinbuch’s acquiescence to Cutler’s sharing of the intimate details
of his sexual relationship with her served to communicate to Cutler during the relevant period that he did not care who knew about such details. Steinbuch is thus now equitably estopped from complaining — more than a year later — about Cutler’s disclosures.


I got criticized by some S&M-ers for suggesting that privacy was a right created by the Supreme Court in 1973 in Roe v. Wade and that its value has been overrated and inflated to unreasonable levels. I was talking less in legal terms. I'm definitely pro-choice, but I think we've all seen that pinning reproductive freedom to such precarious legal grounds hasn't exactly been a surefire way to make it last. I'm certainly not a legal scholar, but I do think the right to privacy was established on shaky grounds, and, as has been argued by Catharine MacKinnon, is not necessarily a feminist victory for several reasons, which you can investigate on your own. So not only is the right to privacy not totally secure, but if we expand that out, how can we ever guarantee people total privacy? We can't, nor should we necessarily. Beyond that, we are living in an era when people are willing to give up all semblance of privacy for a shot at fame. Whether we like it or not, we live in a tabloid, gossip-fueled culture. The First Amendment protects our speech and expression about our public and private activities (see bolded part above). Additionally, the expectations for privacy as we go about our daily business have lessened as we as a society have opted for less privacy and more information. Tell-alls, talk shows, blogs and a general desire to report on everything we see and hear shows us this. How else to explain the rise of tabloid magazines and Gawker Stalker? To explain the differential treatment between JFK's affairs and Bill Clinton's? The rise of the roman a clef? To me, Bill Clinton is the prime example of that very thin line between the claim of sexual privacy and hypcorisy, and I recommend the anthology Our Monica, Ourselves for more about that. Steinbuch is claiming in many ways the same thing by admitting to the behavior in question and then asking for damages; he wants to have his pussy and beat it too.

The reason I don't condemn this is because privacy, in many ways, is a way for all of us to hide behind barricades, behind privilege, behind hypocrisy, especially when it comes to sex. With the New York magazine piece I see even more people clamoring to call Jessica names like "slutbag," and, as Girlynyc, said, Why hate on the easy girls? Even more so, it's easy to say those things from the guise of an anonymous or private setting, when we know nothing, or at least, not everything, about your sex life. I'm not saying that everyone needs to be as open as me or Jessica or any of the women interviewed, but that to expect privacy to stop at the bedroom door is foolish and, at this point, almost anti-American. We want our gossip, we want our scandals, we want our salaciousness. And I'm gonna be optimistic and choose the bright side of looking at this voraciousness: we want to know because we're curious about sex. We want sexual information in the forms of porn, books, columns, and media including gossip. We want the scoop, the dirty, the nasty, and to hide behind privacy while simultaneously calling people names, or to, say, be willing to indulge in things like spanking, brag about it around the office, and then sue for infliction of emotional distress is, to me, disgusting, hypocritical, and means that we've failed in creating a culture of real sexual choice.

All that being said, and perhaps this makes me slightly hypocritical, I'm actually not 100% exhibitonistic. I do enjoy and value my privacy, though the things I'm private about might be different than the things you are. I don't believe stating something like "I'm into spanking" really is so damaging, or that it even tells you anything much about me beyond that statement. It doesn't tell you what I'm like to hang out with, it doesn't tell you how I laugh, it doesn't tell you whether I can keep a secret or what kind of friend I am, in short, it doesn't really tell you all that much that matters to me about how I am as a person. We all have public and private sides, things we show and things we don't, and that's fine; but creating a culture that hypes sexual privacy does pave the way for sexual scandal, hypocrisy and name-calling. It makes examples out of some people while others are off doing the very same things without anyone being the wiser. Everyone wants to know "am I normal?" but we'll never know the answer and shouldn't care what everyone else is doing anyway, at least as a barometer for our own sexual desires. Instead of being so nosy about who everyone else is fucking, it would be nice if we all focused on our own sexual satisfaction. I'm not against the voyeurism, because I'm as nosy and voyeuristic as you get, but I also examine my own actions and motivations, and I try not to judge others, because at the end of the day, what you do in bed, unless I'm interested in or sleeping with you, really just doesn't affect what I do in bed.

Perhaps tangentially related: An editorial in favor of legalizing prostitution

Maybe it's time we stop feigning innocence and family values and open the legal doors to prostitution once more.

One need only look at the immense hypocrisy over sex work and adultery to see why "privacy" just isn't a cure-all. We seem to act like it's everybody else watching porn, hiring sex workers, working in the sex industry and committing adultery and yes, for some people, it is other people, but clearly not for everyone. At least some of us own up to what we're doing, and I will always admire a proud whore versus a cowardly lawyer. Just can't resist, via the last link to Bowen School of Law, bolding mine:

Professor Steinbuch joined the Bowen School of Law faculty in 2005 after several years in government and private practice. His government service includes clerking on the United States Court of Appeals and working at the United States Department of Justice. Most recently, he worked for the United States Senate Judiciary Committee. His academic and practice interests include: commercial law, ethics, law and economics, criminal law, law and government and evidence.

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Jami Attenberg reads

I like Jami Attenberg. She's doing some readings soon, including one with one of my favorite people, Shari Goldhagen, as the kickoff for her new reading series.

*November 30 - Boxcar Lounge - Class of 2006 Reading - 168 Ave B, between 10th and 11th - 8 PM
Deborah Schoeneman (4% Famous), David Goodwillie (Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time), Jami Attenberg (Instant Love), + Shari Goldhagen (Family and Other Accidents)
First-time authors read from their books forthcoming in 2006.
(Note - I helped put this one together so it would mean a lot to me if you would stop on by. 2 for 1 drinks, too!)

*Chicks and Giggles for the Holidays
Tuesday December 13, 2005, 7:30
Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A between 3rd and 4th Sts
(Note - this is a great little series. Good times + hot lady writers.)

*Atomic Reading Series
January 8, 2006
Lucky 13 Saloon, Brooklyn
(Note - perfect for Brooklynites!)

I cannot say the same

Not only have 12 of my last 16 boyfriends not been Jewish, I haven't even have 16 boyfriends. And, with my track record, the ratio would probably be skewed the other way. But I am learning that you never know what the future may hold. Being single for me now is like being in permanent limbo, but there is a huge sense of possibility in the air.

Introducing a reader at In The Flesh


ps_DSC0578
Originally uploaded by brianvan.

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farewell to sweet and seasick suffering

Subject line courtesy of the lyrics of Ms. Devon Sproule

Or: "Don't Fuck With Me"

My little blurb o' bitterness didn't make it into this month's Waxing Off, but that's okay because I'm posting here:

I don’t normally trash talk about people I’ve slept with, but for this particularly special person, I’ll make an exception. Not that very long ago, I met a guy who sounded like just what I was looking for–a comedy fan who lived in the East Village and holding up a puppy in one of his photos on Friendster. He made a big deal out of how he wasn’t some sleazy pervert, how he read my comedy blog along with my smuttier stuff. He was funny, smart, charming and cute, and intrigued me enough to go out with him. We had a very sweet and normal first date, culminating in a kiss on the cheek. The next night, he happened to be in my neighborhood, we wound up at the same bar, then back at my place, where things moved very quickly.

We started talking dirty, with him telling me all these long-held fantasies he hadn’t been able to tell his wife. It slowly became clear that "getting out of a long-term relationship" meant recently separated from his wife, who he’d been with for ten years. The next night, we were back at my place and he said something that still makes me angry: "I haven’t had such an intense orgasm in a long time." Well, that’s great, but what did I get for allowing him to share his filthiest thoughts with me, and maybe starting to care about him a teeny tiny bit (and thereby prompting such great sex)? A few days later he told me just couldn’t handle how things were going with us. I apologized for taking up his time and have mostly forgotten about him. I learned not only that giving someone good sex can be the path leading them to run screaming, but also that the guys who seem the nicest, all puppies and innocence, are often the ones you have to watch out for.


Luckily it was all over in a week and he's the big loser cause he missed the Dirty Dancing reenactment at my party, which I know he would have liked, so HA! Really, though, turning 30 has helped me put all the crazy losers and drama queens, you know, the ones I as a "pinch hitter" for and all the others, and people who've screwed me over behind me.

I'm ever grateful for my real friends and for the people who know that they want to "just be friends" and really ARE friends to me, very good ones. Speaking of friends-contrary to semi-popular opinion, Jessica Cutler is one of the sweetest, funniest, most outrageous, generous and overall adorable and entertaining people I've had the pleasure to meet. Somehow, I had that feeling about her before we even met, and am happy I was right.

Last night's reading, despite the rain, went very well. It was cozy and sexy and I will have some highlights from it later - Neal Medlyn read about jerking off at work, Andy Horwitz read a very slow build sexy story in a very low, husky, hot voice. Kathleen Warnock read about two women discovering the joys of anal sex and I read a fictional story about my real-life dishwashing fetish. Mark December 21st on your calendars for the Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 reading with Cheryl B., Tsaurah Litzky, Nichelle, Betty Taylor (aka Girlynyc), and Michele Zipp. We'll be reading, selling and signing books, drinking, and, most likely, doling out some spankings! Happy Ending Lounge, Wednesday December 21st, 8 pm. Free.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

A few more words about last night

"adorable geeks" - they're, well, adorable, especially en masse

In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series tonight!

In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series
Wednesday, November 16th, 8 pm
Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, NYC (www.happyendinglounge.com)
Directions: B/D to Grand, F to Delancey, J/M/Z to Bowery
FREE

Join host Rachel Kramer Bussel, along with the talented Andy Horwitz (Potty Mouth, Nerve.com, Culturebot), Neal Medlyn (George and Martha, Mr. Lower East Side 2004) and Kathleen Warnock (Drunken! Careening! Writers!) for a night of rousing, racy erotica.

In the Flesh is a new monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed
erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include spanking stories, travel tales, fetishes, and erotic memoirs.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for
Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Andy Horwitz is a writer/performer in NYC. He is the creator of several hit comic monologues including "Potty Mouth", "B.F.D." and "Naked & Famous." His writing has been featured in Nerve.com, Heeb Magazine and other publications and anthologies. He is the editor of the alternative performance blog Culturebot.org and recently ran for Mayor of New York City. http://www.andychest.com

Neal Medlyn is a New York based performer who generally sings songs, runs amok, and changes his clothes, but he also has written horoscopes, been a go-go dancer and appeared in downtown films. His solo work has appeared at PS122, Fez, the Knitting Factory, the Culture Project among others. He toured the U.S. this summer, including performances at T:BA:05 Festival in Portland, Oregon and headlined an installment of the Late Night Cabaret with Murray Hill at the Philly Fringe Festival. He co-starred with Karen Finley in "George and Martha" and was elected Mr. Lower East Side in 2004. He is sometimes referred to as the Paris Hilton of Performance Art. http://www.nealmedlyn.com

Kathleen Warnock a writer and editor who works in the near-New York City publishing world. She runs the Drunken! Careening! Writers! series at KGB and her work has appeared in A Woman's Touch, Best Lesbian Erotica 2003-6, Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2, and Friction 7. Kathleen also appeared onstage in Ed Valentine's "Women Behind the Bush," at En Avant Playwrights, and recently won a tidy sum of money on a gameshow. "What People Want" is Kathleen's novel-in-progress.

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back to back


back to back
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
These two and this one are very silly bar patrons. I can't even say what the major topic of conversation was because it will sound too terrible taken out of content. Basically, one drink was spilled, many photos were taken, lots of questions were asked and I got home much later than planned but had a hilarious time. I got coached on how to be more evil and cynical but don't worry, I haven't gone over to the dark side yet.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Black Listed

My thoughts on turning 30 on The Black Table

December 1st blockbuster panel

My comment: Rachel Maines!!

WHEN:
Thursday, December 1, 2005, 7pm – 9pm

WHERE:
MUSEUM OF SEX
233 Fifth Avenue (@ 27th Street)
New York, NY 10016
212-689-6337
www.museumofsex.org
$10 for adults and $8 for students/members

WHAT:
Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong
Reading, Panel and Q&A
Moderated by Disinformation’s “Wicked Warlock” Richard Metzger

Come celebrate the release of Disinformation’s new book
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG
The Disinformation Guide to the Extremes of Human Sexuality
(and everything in between)

Edited by RUSS KICK

Scheduled to participate:
 
Writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel (Penthouse, Village Voice)
Writer/performer Christen Clifford (Babylove, 17 Guys I F**ked)
Author Martha Cornog (The Big Book of Masturbation)
Author Jay Gertzman (Bookleggers and Smuthounds: The Trade in Eroitca, 1920-1940)
Writer Jon Hart (New York Times, Village Voice)
Writer and Adult Marketing Nerd Libby Lynn (Rollertrain blog)
Author Rachel Maines (The Technology of Orgasm, Asbestos and Fire)
Author Jack Murnighan (The Naughty Bits, Classic Nasty)
Author, actor, DJ, musician, psychonaut, and explorer Preston Peet
Award winning journalist and writer Diane Petryk-Bloom
Pervert, smut peddler, and nakedteer Audacia Ray ($pread magazine)
Musician and Author Jen Sincero (The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks)
Award-winning author, columnist, editor, director and sex educator Tristan Taormino

with some media folks


ps_DSC0225
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
Adam Felber, me, Chris Knutsen, Mo Rocca

the cake


ps_DSC0161
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
Inside there was chocolate and vanilla cake, though I actually was full and didn't have any.

With the author


ps_DSC0221
Originally uploaded by brianvan.

more aws


ps_DSC0297
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
Brian Van made us pose about 5 times to get this shot. Dedicated to his craft, he is. Me with the wonderful and knowledgeable Nichelle

aw


ps_DSC0232
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
I adore Susie Felber, she's just full of happiness and light and good energy, and is totally gorgeous and totally modest. She threw a kickass party last night for her romance novelist mom Edith Layton (her latest book is Gypsy Lover and she's reading at my In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series on January 18th at 8 pm at Happy Ending.

The party was a lot of fun, I had a great time and saw people I didn't know where gonna be there, and talked to people like Mo Rocca who I didn't know who they were while we were talking (the topic? Lingerie Barbie). Fabulous, fabulous event and kudos to Susie for putting on such a perfect shindig and for showing her mom the love with a slideshow and moving speech.

The Last Rejection Show of 2005 is tonight!

And it's a great, great lineup, I'm especially excited for the Overheard part. To be fair to Nichelle, since there was some very friendly talk about it last night, tonight is also Chicks and Giggles, her awesome weekly women's comedy show at Mo Pitkin's.

THE REJECTION SHOW
Performance Space 122
150 1st Avenue at 9th St.
ONLINE TICKETS AVAILABLE NOW!
or call or visit the P.S. 122 box office at (212) 477-5288
$7
NOVEMBER 15TH 8PM
Featuring the rejections of:

OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK
MICHAEL MALICE
presenting rejections from the popular website soon to be a book
with "Overheard" favorites reenacted by sketch comedy powerhouse,
The Wiener Philharmonic

COLLEGEHUMOR.COM
presenting rejections from the popular website

ROB LATHAN
Permanently banned from the audience of CNN TALK BACK LIVE

ARTHUR JONES
'Monster Team' rejected from Adult Swim on Cartoon Network

SPECIAL GUEST CARTOONIST FROM THE NEW YORKER
ERIC LEWIS & PAUL NOTH
AND
SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST
ANDY FRIEDMAN &
THE OTHER FAILURES

Monday, November 14, 2005

She's Such a Geek Call for Submissions

From my awesomely geeky friends Charlie Anders and Annalee Newitz

She's Such a Geek

An Anthology by and for Women Obsessed with Computers, Science, Comic Books, Gaming, Spaceships, and Revolution

Slated for Fall 2006

Geeks are taking over the world. They make the most popular movies and games, pioneer new ways to communicate using technology, and create new ideas that will change the future. But the stereotype is that only men can be geeks. So when are we going to hear from the triumphant female nerds whose stories of outer space battles will inspire generations, and whose inventions will change the future? Right now.

Female geeks are busting out of the labs and into the spotlight. They have the skills and knowledge that can inspire social progress, scientific breakthroughs, and change the world for the better, and they're making their voices heard, some for the first time, in Annalee Newitz and Charlie Anders' book She's Such a Geek. This anthology will celebrate women who have flourished in the male-dominated realms of technical and cultural arcana.

We're looking for a wide range of personal essays about the meaning of female nerdhood by women who are in love with genomics, obsessed with blogging, learned about sex from Dungeons and Dragons, and aren't afraid to match wits with men or computers. The essays in She's Such a Geek will explain what it means to be passionately engaged with technical or obscure topics — and how to deal with it when people tell you that your interests are weird, especially for a girl. This book aims to bust stereotypes of what it means to be a geek, as well as what it means to be female.

More than anything, She's Such a Geek is a celebration and call to arms: it's a hopeful book which looks forward to a day when women will pilot spaceships, invent molecular motors, design the next ultra-tiny supercomputer, write epics, and run the government.

We want introspective essays that explain what being a geek has meant
to
you. Describe how you've fought stereotypes to be accepted among nerds.
Explore why you are obsessed with topics and ideas that are supposed to
be
"for boys only." Tell us how you felt the day you realized that you
would be
devoting the rest of your life to discovering algorithms or collecting
comic
books. We want strong, personal writing that is also smart and
critical. We
don't mind if you use the word "fuck," and we don't mind if you use the
word
"telomerase." Be celebratory, polemical, wistful, angry, and just plain
dorky.

Possible topics include:

· what turned you into a geek
· your career in science, technology, or engineering
· growing up geeky
· being a geek in high school today
· battling geek stereotypes (i.e racial stereotypes and geekdom,
cultural
analysis of geek chic and the truth about nerds, the idea that women
have to
choose between being sexually desirable and smart, stereotypes about
geek
professions such as computer programmers)
· sex and dating among geeks
· science fiction fandom
· role-playing game or comic-book subcultures
· the joys of math
· blogging or videogames
· female geek bonding
· geek role models for women
· feminist commentary on geek culture
· women's involvement in DiY science and technology groups
· Stories from women involved in geek pop and underground cultures.

These might include comic book writers, science fiction writers, electronic music musicians, and women interested in the gaming world.
· women’s web networks and web zine grrrl culture
· Issues of sexism in any or all of the above themes

Editors: Annalee Newitz and Charlie Anders are geeky women writers. Annalee is a contributing editor at Wired magazine and writes the syndicated column Techsploitation. Charlie is the author of Choir Boy (Soft Skull Press) and publisher of other magazine.

Publisher: Seal Press, an imprint of Avalon Publishing Group, publishes groundbreaking books by and for women in a variety of topics.

Deadline: January 15, 2006

Length: 3,000–6,000 words

Format: Essays must be typed, double-spaced, and paginated. Please include your address, phone number, email address, and a short bio on the last page.
Essays will not be returned.

Submitting: Send essay electronically as a Document or Rich Text Format file to Annalee Newitz and Charlie Anders at sheissuchageek at gmail.com

Payment: $100 plus two books

Reply: Please allow until February 15 for a response. If you haven’t received a response by then, please assume your essay has not been selected. It is not possible to reply to every submission personally.

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It's like Miriam read my mind

The only thing I can say about my friend Miriam Datskovsky's column is that every single word rang (sadly) very, very true. Read it all if you've ever had your heart broken, or broken someone else's. Read it if you think you know all about any of us from that New York magazine round table.

It amazes me how much that girl knows, at 20, that at 30 I am still learning. She even has a Tasti D-Lite reference. I was wrong when I wrote that story because IT NEVER ENDS. Maybe it lessens and morphs but it's still not something I'm okay with, I'm rational about, that I don't cry or regret or want to punch the wall about. I try to ignore it and that mostly works, except when I can't, and it's so complex it makes me wish I were drinking heavily again. But I'm not, so I deal, and I surround myself with people like Miriam and everyone else who just gets me, and likes me for me. People like Heidi and Nichelle and Allison and Shari and Ellen and Claudia and Elise and Susie and Kambri and Sira and Morgan and Jon. People who have managed to touch my heart and peer inside my brain and my soul in ways I coulud never have imagined, and who are irreplaceable for that. People who I will hopefully never stop being friends with.

I’ve often thought how much easier it would be if love were linear, if our feelings had start and end points. If love were linear, we would move on quickly and painlessly from every person we were ever intimately involved with. If love were linear, we would never second-guess ourselves when we were intimately involved. But the truth of the matter is that our feelings aren’t anything close to linear: half the time we don’t know whom we have feelings for or how much we actually feel for them. This makes knowing when to end a relationship extremely difficult and gauging a relationship’s worth next to impossible.

Stupid may not have been the best way to describe my expectation that I could be friends with my ex. I am close friends with my other ex, after all. No, I wasn’t stupid—ambitious, maybe, and unable to recognize when I was pushing myself too far. Because even when we think we’ve moved on, even when we think we no longer care two shits about someone, we can still break down and lose it. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to be friends with an ex. There’s also nothing wrong with realizing that may not be possible.

And the New York photo...

Well, I don't love it, but here it is. I wish they'd used one from our original dinner cause I had a better outfit, we didn't all have our mouths open, and, well, the stickers. But overall I'm okay with the piece and am mostly glad it's OUT. Cause they told us it'd be out, oh, about a month ago and then it kept getting pushed back. I'm getting some new pics I just shot lying on top of a ton of books and magazines in my apartment soon, those should be fun. And this weekend I get to paint! I'm a nerd and have these weird household activities I like, and one of them is painting, and luckily I have a best friend who has a new apartment to splatter. Also, "unexpected" was actually the second runner up in the "Describe your last sexual experience" category - the first thing that popped into my head was "drunken" but I just couldn't write that. I rarely drink any more, so it was a rare but fun night. You know, July 8th.



Photo by Christopher Griffith

"It Takes Two To Make a Book Go Right"

A cute title (which I can't take credit for) I wrote is up on Mediabistro today called "It Takes Two To Make a Book Go Right," about jointly authored novels, including Shaking Her Assets by Robin Epstein and Renée Kaplan.

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Reminder: In The Flesh Erotic Reading this Wednesday!

In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series
Wednesday, November 16th, 8 pm
Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, NYC (www.happyendinglounge.com)
Directions: B/D to Grand, F to Delancey, J/M/Z to Bowery
FREE

Join host Rachel Kramer Bussel, along with the talented Andy Horwitz (Potty Mouth, Nerve.com, Culturebot), Neal Medlyn (George and Martha, Mr. Lower East Side 2004) and Kathleen Warnock (Drunken! Careening! Writers!) for a night of rousing, racy erotica.

In the Flesh is a new monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed
erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include spanking stories, travel tales, fetishes, and erotic memoirs.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for
Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Andy Horwitz is a writer/performer in NYC. He is the creator of several hit comic monologues including "Potty Mouth", "B.F.D." and "Naked & Famous." His writing has been featured in Nerve.com, Heeb Magazine and other publications and anthologies. He is the editor of the alternative performance blog Culturebot.org and recently ran for Mayor of New York City. http://www.andychest.com

Neal Medlyn is a New York based performer who generally sings songs, runs amok, and changes his clothes, but he also has written horoscopes, been a go-go dancer and appeared in downtown films. His solo work has appeared at PS122, Fez, the Knitting Factory, the Culture Project among others. He toured the U.S. this summer, including performances at T:BA:05 Festival in Portland, Oregon and headlined an installment of the Late Night Cabaret with Murray Hill at the Philly Fringe Festival. He co-starred with Karen Finley in "George and Martha" and was elected Mr. Lower East Side in 2004. He is sometimes referred to as the Paris Hilton of Performance Art. http://www.nealmedlyn.com

Kathleen Warnock a writer and editor who works in the near-New York City publishing world. She runs the Drunken! Careening! Writers! series at KGB and her work has appeared in A Woman's Touch, Best Lesbian Erotica 2003-6, Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2, and Friction 7. Kathleen also appeared onstage in Ed Valentine's "Women Behind the Bush," at En Avant Playwrights, and recently won a tidy sum of money on a gameshow. "What People Want" is Kathleen's novel-in-progress.

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