Bloggers, wish me and Dirty Dates a happy birthday on November 10th and get a free book of erotica

I'm enjoying my final month in my thirties, and preparing for the release of my new anthology Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples.



I came up with the idea of doing something special since the publication date, November 10th, is also my 40th birthday. Instead of a blog tour, with bloggers posting for a few weeks about the book's release, I'm asking bloggers to post on November 10th about Dirty Dates. What can you write about? Anything, as long as you post the special book birthday image and two links about the book. You can review Dirty Dates, interview Rachel or one of the other 20 contributing authors, riff on BDSM or kinky couples. What you post is up to you, as long as it happens on November 10th! You get a free copy of the book and I will share your post on Dirty Dates social media accounts (all @dirtydatesbook) on Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. Want to join the celebration? Register here by October 20th (all fields are required). Questions? Email dirtydatesbook at gmail.com and I'll get right back to you!

Bloggers wanted for Best Sex Writing 2013 virtual book tour

Want a free copy of Best Sex Writing 2013 and to join the conversation about sexuality and culture? Sign up to be part of the virtual book tour. Your blog can be about anything, as long as you agree to post on your assigned date about the book. You'll get a copy (print or ebook) and I'll link back to you. Interested? Email bestsexwriting2013 at gmail.com with "Tour" in the subject line and your URL and name and mailing address (for print copy) or that you want an ebook copy and Cleis Press will be in touch about your date and posting instructions. For those who just want to read the book, it's for sale right now on Kindle and Nook and will be in print very soon.



Foreword Carol Queen
Introduction: A Different Kind of Sexual Education

Live Nude Models Jonathan Lethem
Can a Better Vibrator Inspire an Age of Great American Sex? Andy Isaacson
Sex by Numbers Rachel Swan
Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement Alex Morris
Notes from a Unicorn Seth Fischer
Rest Stop Confidential Conner Habib
When on Fire Island… A Polyamorous Disaster Nicholas Garnett
Cherry Picking Julia Serano
Holy Fuck: The Fourth-and-Long Virgin Jon Pressick
Baby Talk Rachel Kramer Bussel
Dear John Lori Selke
Sex by Any Other Name Insiya Ansari
Enhancing Masochism Patrick Califia
Submissive: A Personal Manifesto Madison Young
Ghosts: All My Men Are Dead Carol Queen
Happy Hookers Melissa Gira Grant
Christian Conservatives vs. Sex: The Long War Over Reproductive Freedom Rob Boston
Porn Defends the Money Shot Dennis Romero
Lost Boys Kristen Hinman
The Original Blonde Neal Gabler

Introduction: A Different Kind of Sexual Education

As editor of the Best Sex Writing series, and a writer about sex in both fiction and nonfiction forms, I’m privileged to hear from lots of people about sexuality, whether asking for advice or wanting to talk about the big issues of the day, whether that means attacks on birth control or Fifty Shades of Grey. The biggest thing I’ve learned, though, is pretty basic: we are all always learning. You can indeed get a PhD in sexology, like foreword author and contributor Carol Queen did, but that doesn’t mean you simply give up and assume you know everything about the wide world of sexuality and sexual variation. You can’t; it’s impossible.

Part of why sex writing is so vital is because we all have things to learn—about ourselves, and about others. While this book will not teach you how to have sex, you will learn about what motivates others in their sexual desires, whether to engage in multiple relationships, perform sex work, come out as bisexual, build increasingly advanced vibrators, or more.

I think it’s safe to say that whether this is the first book about sex you’ve ever read or the thousandth, you will learn something about what makes people tick, about sexual desire and sexual community. The latter is as important to me as the former, because it’s within the community of sex writers, educators and activists that I’ve carved out a place for myself as a bisexual, feminist, kinky sex writer. Lori Selke writes in her open letter, “Dear John,” about feeling disillusioned by the judgments being passed around her local leather community. “See, my kinky leather identity grew firmly out of my queerness and my feminism. All three of those elements are important and in some ways inseparable. It’s important to me to pursue the sort of social justice that ensures that our consensual relationships are someday entered into from a place of roughly equal societal power. Without that aim, we’re simply perpetuating oppression.” I suspect many people aren’t aware of just how committed to their ideals those in the kink and leather communities are. To assume it’s all about whips, chains, bondage and spanking is to miss the point—of course it’s about those things, but it’s also about much more.

The educational lessons here are often much more personal. When Conner Habib opens his essay “Rest Stop Confidential” with, “I was fifteen the first time I found out that men have sex in public,” I must admit that, at thirty-seven, I have only seen men having sex in public at parties specifically designed for sex. The first of many firsts Julia Serano details in “Cherry Picking” begins, “The first time I learned about sex was in fifth grade.” We are all both capable of learning more, and impacted by what we did—or didn’t—learn about sex at a young age.

Some of what you’re about to read is sad or scary or disheartening; I cannot promise you a book of shiny happy sex bouncing off every page, because that is not the world we live in. There are laws to fight against, AIDS plaguing the gay community, internalized oppression, questions that may have no answers, or multiple answers. I didn’t select these essays and articles because they purport to have all the answers.

Last year’s guest judge, the noted sexual commentator Susie Bright, when asked about The Guardian’s Bad Sex award, responded, “There is no art without sex.” I think the same could be said for the news; sex is not a topic squirreled away on the back page of the paper; it’s on the front page, in the sports section, the business section, the editorials. It’s covered in fashion magazines and newsweeklies. In Best Sex Writing 2013, hot topics include New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow’s virginity and the laws governing condom use in porn.

Sex education remains at the forefront of the news and continues to be “controversial,” though, like birth control, another political battleground of late in the United States, I would think it would be a no-brainer. Yet I can still read articles like one in Time about the Mississippi county, Tunica, with the highest teen pregnancy that is only recently getting on board with sex ed, via a law mandating it do so. “During the four years Ashley McKay attended Rosa Fort High School in Tunica, Miss., her sex education consisted mainly of an instructor listing different sexually transmitted diseases. ‘There was no curriculum,’ she says. ‘The teacher, an older gentleman who was also the football coach, would tell us, “If you get AIDS, you’re gonna die. Pick out your casket, because you’re gonna die.”’”

We should not be reading articles like this any longer, but we are, and it’s not just youths who are in dire need of sex education. Just today, I received an email from an acquaintance asking if I could chat because, “I have found a wonderful woman with whom i have begun to explore areas of my sexuality i really have never followed through on or even verbally fantasized about.” He has questions. So do many people, but they don’t know where to turn.

This book doesn’t purport to have all the answers, and is likely to raise many discussions and propose multiple answers to questions about open relationships, prostitution, sexual orientation and other topics. It cannot take the place of talking about sex—with your lovers, friends, parents, children, neighbors and coworkers. Those shouldn’t be the same conversations, but they can exist, and by making sex a topic we don’t shy away from, we start to educate ourselves about what others are thinking, feeling and doing. So I hope that you won’t read this book and keep it tucked away on your bookshelf (or e-reader); while you are more than welcome to do so, I hope you will introduce some part of what you’ve read into a conversation, take it off the page and into real life. You will very likely learn something, and that is a process that can easily snowball; there’s never an end, because it’s a lifelong process, one that I look forward to every day.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

Free book offer: Women in Lust virtual book tour bloggers and Amazon reviewers wanted

You get a free book and write about it in some way (a review, excerpt, interview, musing on "women in lust") and post the cover and 2 links. Want in? Email womeninlust at gmail.com with "Tour" in the subject line and your name, mailing address and URL, and you'll get a date assigned to you. For those who don't want to be part of the tour but still want a free book, you can sign up to be an Amazon.com reviewer and get a copy hot off the press (literally before Amazon even stocks it), in return for posting a review on Amazon.com by November 30th; you'd receive it by the 2nd or 3rd week of November. Same deal, just email womeninlust at gmail.com with "Amazon" in the subject and name and mailing address (for that one you must be in the US cause I'm mailing those out myself). Thank you!



Order Women in Lust from:

Amazon

Kindle (link TK)

B&N

Powell's

IndieBound (order from your local bookstore)

Cleis Press

Ladies Who Lust

Lust. It’s one of those four-letter words that trips off the tongue. When I say it out loud, it makes my lips want to curve into a smile. Lust is more than simple arousal; it is the force that makes us not just turned on, but craving a certain person (or people).

I used to write a sex column called “Lusty Lady,” named after the famed strip club, but somehow lusty, rhyming as it does with busty, sounds a bit like a joke, an added bit of humor, which is how our culture often treats sex. Lust, though, is different; it’s intense, overpowering. While in real life we may not always act every time lust calls to us, in fiction, we can abandon the safety of propriety and seek out lust and sex wherever we find them.

The characters in Women in Lust may vary in the objects of their lust, and how they go about acting on their urge, but what connects them is that pure impulse for a lover. Sometimes he is someone she knows well, is married to or dating; in other stories, he is a stranger, and is sexy precisely because he represents the unknown. Women also lust after other women here, as in Kayar Silkenvoice’s Japanese happy ending massage story, “Cherry Blossom,” and while we only hear one side of the story, I’d like to think the working woman is doing more than just her job. In addition to the culture clash, there’s the joy of throwing caution to the wind while on vacation, using travel to broaden one’s sexual horizons. Whether watching a lover playing guitar, using a webcam, going out for a smoke or simply embracing a chance encounter, these women seize the opportunities presented to them, and savor the lovers who teach them about themselves and help them open up to new sensual possibilities. Sometimes that means looking at the man they live with in a new light, and other times that means something much naughtier. Either way, their lust is a valued part of their lives, not a pesky afterthought or to-do list item on “date night.”

The objects of their lust are not always the “right” person. In “Rain,” a woman falls for her best friend’s boyfriend, one of the ultimate dating taboos, but she goes for it. Sometimes the desire itself, the way it can be used to tease and taunt, as in Charlotte Stein’s “Guess,” is maddening, but we embrace our lusts even when they are maddening, even when they make us do things we might otherwise consider reckless.

For every woman here who can locate her lust on the map of her body, who zeros in on her target and goes for it, there is another who is opened up to her lust by a lover, whether it’s Jen Cross’s narrator pondering what it was, exactly, her orally generous long-ago lover got out of being between her legs. The first words of Shanna Germain’s powerfully kinky “Beneath My Skin” are “I’m afraid,” to which her lover, Kade, responds, “You should be.” Fear can be a powerful motivator and, crossed with lust, can lead to explosive results.

Whether discovering the joy of a younger man, not to mention some delicious pudding, in “Comfort Food,” by Donna George Storey, or taking sex and bondage into the great outdoors in “Something to Ruin” by Amelia Thornton, these women indulge in new ways of getting off and pushing the limits of their lust. Thornton writes: “Despite my longing, there was still part of me that wanted to protest, to tell him to cut me loose, to run wildly through the forest back to the safety of our picnic blanket, but to me that is the beauty of rope: to desire escape but to willingly be imprisoned, to feel the pressure of something that prevents my movement, yet to know there is no place that I feel safer than when trapped like this.” She captures the excitement of giving in to a dominant lover, even when there is a small part of the narrator that is unsure, for that is precisely the part that fuels her desire. This story captures the true power that lies in submission and the many joys it can bring. In “Her, Him and Them,” by Aimee Pearl, the narrator submits to various lovers who question her and push her not only to be the best sub she can be, but to figure out why, exactly, she likes the thrill of submission and service.

I hope these stories inspire some lusty days and nights for you, as they’ have for me.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

Introduction: Ladies Who Lust

Naughty Thoughts Portia Da Costa
Guess Charlotte Stein
Her, Him, and Them Aimee Pearl
Bayou Clancy Nacht
Smoke Elizabeth Coldwell
Bite Me Lucy Hughes
Ride a Cowboy Del Carmen
Queen of Sheba Jen Cross
Hot for Teacher Rachel Kramer Bussel
Unbidden Brandy Fox
Something to Ruin Amelia Thornton
Guitar Hero Kin Fallon
Ode to a Masturbator Aimee Herman
Orchid Jacqueline Applebee
Cherry Blossom Kayar Silkenvoice
Rain Olivia Archer
The Hard Way Justine Elyot
Strapped K D Grace
Beneath My Skin Shanna Germain
Comfort Food Donna George Storey

24 spots left on the Women in Lust November virtual book tour

My 40th anthology, Women in Lust, will be out in October! Want to be part of November's virtual book tour? There are 24 spots left. Email womeninlust at gmail.com with "Tour" in the subject line and include your name, mailing address and URL and you'll get assigned a date and be signed up to receive the book in mid-October (instructions on posting will be sent in a few weeks). Thank you!



Order Women in Lust from:

Amazon

Kindle (link TK)

B&N

Powell's

IndieBound (order from your local bookstore)

Cleis Press

Ladies Who Lust

Lust. It’s one of those four-letter words that trips off the tongue. When I say it out loud, it makes my lips want to curve into a smile. Lust is more than simple arousal; it is the force that makes us not just turned on, but craving a certain person (or people).

I used to write a sex column called “Lusty Lady,” named after the famed strip club, but somehow lusty, rhyming as it does with busty, sounds a bit like a joke, an added bit of humor, which is how our culture often treats sex. Lust, though, is different; it’s intense, overpowering. While in real life we may not always act every time lust calls to us, in fiction, we can abandon the safety of propriety and seek out lust and sex wherever we find them.

The characters in Women in Lust may vary in the objects of their lust, and how they go about acting on their urge, but what connects them is that pure impulse for a lover. Sometimes he is someone she knows well, is married to or dating; in other stories, he is a stranger, and is sexy precisely because he represents the unknown. Women also lust after other women here, as in Kayar Silkenvoice’s Japanese happy ending massage story, “Cherry Blossom,” and while we only hear one side of the story, I’d like to think the working woman is doing more than just her job. In addition to the culture clash, there’s the joy of throwing caution to the wind while on vacation, using travel to broaden one’s sexual horizons. Whether watching a lover playing guitar, using a webcam, going out for a smoke or simply embracing a chance encounter, these women seize the opportunities presented to them, and savor the lovers who teach them about themselves and help them open up to new sensual possibilities. Sometimes that means looking at the man they live with in a new light, and other times that means something much naughtier. Either way, their lust is a valued part of their lives, not a pesky afterthought or to-do list item on “date night.”

The objects of their lust are not always the “right” person. In “Rain,” a woman falls for her best friend’s boyfriend, one of the ultimate dating taboos, but she goes for it. Sometimes the desire itself, the way it can be used to tease and taunt, as in Charlotte Stein’s “Guess,” is maddening, but we embrace our lusts even when they are maddening, even when they make us do things we might otherwise consider reckless.

For every woman here who can locate her lust on the map of her body, who zeros in on her target and goes for it, there is another who is opened up to her lust by a lover, whether it’s Jen Cross’s narrator pondering what it was, exactly, her orally generous long-ago lover got out of being between her legs. The first words of Shanna Germain’s powerfully kinky “Beneath My Skin” are “I’m afraid,” to which her lover, Kade, responds, “You should be.” Fear can be a powerful motivator and, crossed with lust, can lead to explosive results.

Whether discovering the joy of a younger man, not to mention some delicious pudding, in “Comfort Food,” by Donna George Storey, or taking sex and bondage into the great outdoors in “Something to Ruin” by Amelia Thornton, these women indulge in new ways of getting off and pushing the limits of their lust. Thornton writes: “Despite my longing, there was still part of me that wanted to protest, to tell him to cut me loose, to run wildly through the forest back to the safety of our picnic blanket, but to me that is the beauty of rope: to desire escape but to willingly be imprisoned, to feel the pressure of something that prevents my movement, yet to know there is no place that I feel safer than when trapped like this.” She captures the excitement of giving in to a dominant lover, even when there is a small part of the narrator that is unsure, for that is precisely the part that fuels her desire. This story captures the true power that lies in submission and the many joys it can bring. In “Her, Him and Them,” by Aimee Pearl, the narrator submits to various lovers who question her and push her not only to be the best sub she can be, but to figure out why, exactly, she likes the thrill of submission and service.

I hope these stories inspire some lusty days and nights for you, as they’ have for me.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City



Introduction: Ladies Who Lust

Naughty Thoughts Portia Da Costa
Guess Charlotte Stein
Her, Him, and Them Aimee Pearl
Bayou Clancy Nacht
Smoke Elizabeth Coldwell
Bite Me Lucy Hughes
Ride a Cowboy Del Carmen
Queen of Sheba Jen Cross
Hot for Teacher Rachel Kramer Bussel
Unbidden Brandy Fox
Something to Ruin Amelia Thornton
Guitar Hero Kin Fallon
Ode to a Masturbator Aimee Herman
Orchid Jacqueline Applebee
Cherry Blossom Kayar Silkenvoice
Rain Olivia Archer
The Hard Way Justine Elyot
Strapped K D Grace
Beneath My Skin Shanna Germain
Comfort Food Donna George Storey

Virtual book tour for Fast Girls: Erotica for Women

I'll be posting some of my persona favorites from the tour, but check out the great blog posts (all will be filled in by September 1st). Thank you to all the participating bloggers!

Follow these blogs every day in August for reviews, excerpts, interviews and more from Fast Girls: Erotica for Women.



August 1 Minivan Libertine
August 2 From Socks to Fedora, It's Jeremy
August 3 Hard and Fast
August 4 The Dirty Geisha
August 5 Maneater
August 6 The Luscious Life (Yolanda Shoshana)
August 7 I Want Your Sex podcast
August 8 Dangerous Lilly
August 9 The Chicktionary
August 10 Rubicon Reader
August 11 Erobintica
August 12 RWA-NYC Blogging In The Big Apple
August 13 Lolita Wolf's Predictions and Predilections
August 14 Jenny Gardiner
August 15 The Four Horsewomen of the Metropolis
August 16 R.S. Bohn, Writer in Residence
August 17 The Time Has Passed So Easily
August 18 Naked at Our Age
August 19 Julian Arancia
August 20 Future Feminist Librarian-Activist
August 21 Sharazade
August 22 Molly's Diamonds
August 23 Lusty Literati
August 24 Petals in Ink
August 25 Latina Book Club
August 26 Exotic Fair of a Wandering Muse
August 27 Jenny on the Page
August 28 Kinky World
August 29 Funky Brown Chick
August 30 The Green Light District
August 31 Wonderland

Bonus!

September 1 Lise Horton

Bloggers wanted: Fast Girls: Erotica for Women virtual book tour

In August I'm going to do another virtual book tour, this one for Fast Girls: Erotica for Women. All info about the book is below. If you'd like to be on the tour, send your URL and mailing address to fastgirlsantho at gmail.com with "Book Tour" in subject line. You will get a free copy of the book and will post about it, either a review, interview, excerpt or musings, and will post the cover, Amazon link and blog link. Click here for an example of how it works. Looking for a range of blogs, and men/non-female identified folks are welcome. The cover says "Erotica for Women" but really it's erotica for everyone, by female authors, with female protagonists. Anyway, email if you're interested. Books will be sent via media mail in mid-June.

I also ordered 7,000 (I know, I got a little carried away) postcards from Mypostcardprinting.com for Fast Girls: Erotica for Women. If you'd like one, send your US mailing address (sorry, can only afford to send to US) to fastgirlsantho at gmail.com with "Postcard" in subject line.



Fast Girls: Erotica for Women is edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and will be published in July 2010 by Cleis Press

Pre-order Fast Girls: Erotica for Women from:

Amazon.com

Kindle edition

Bn.com

Borders

Powell's

IndieBound

Cleis Press

Table of Contents

Introduction: Fast Is a (Sexy) State of Mind (see below)

Temptation Kayla Perrin
Waxing Eloquent Donna George Storey
Five-Minute Porn Star Jacqueline Applebee
Winter, Summer Tristan Taormino
Playing the Market Angela Caperton
Panther Suzanne V. Slate
Communal Saskia Walker
Fireworks Lolita Lopez
Flash! Andrea Dale
Waiting for Beethoven Susie Hara
Confessions of a Kinky Shopaholic Jennifer Peters
Let’s Dance D. L. King
That Girl Cherry Bomb
Oz Isabelle Gray
Married Life Charlotte Stein
Princess Elizabeth Coldwell
Chasing Danger Kristina Wright
Whore Complex Rachel Kramer Bussel
Lessons, Slow and Painful Tess Danesi
Speed Bumps Tenille Brown


Introduction: Fast Is a (Sexy) State of Mind

I like the fast girls best/they do whatever they wanna do. —Sarge, “Fast Girls”

I named this book after a song called “Fast Girls” by an indie pop/rock band called Sarge*. That song is a feisty, punk-rock ode to a hot girl who is captivating in all kinds of ways.
I’m sure you know a girl like that. Or a woman. Or a lady. Or a butch. Or a femme. Or…you get the idea. She’s the kind of babe who takes no prisoners, who owns her life and her sexuality and not only doesn’t apologize for them, makes sure you notice her and what she’s all about.

Two definitions of “fast,” according to Merriam-Webster are “wild” or “sexually promiscuous,” and while that is the seed of what I was angling for here, I didn’t just want to read about slut after slut after slut. I wanted to read about women who in some way defy the conventional norms-whatever those are in this day and age. That doesn’t mean being shocking for shock’s sake, but following their passion, seeking out what it is that they need to be truly pleasured.

What I love about these fast girls is that even as they are bold, daring and dynamic, they have a thing or two to learn about sex and themselves.

Consider Susie Hara’s fifty-one-year-old protagonist in “Waiting for Beethoven” as she gets it on with a younger man. In current pop culture terms, she’s the cougar, the aggressive older woman seeking her sexy prey. But she is actually nervous and uncertain, as well as aroused. “And now there was no point in telling him she wasn’t going to come when she could already feel a wave of pleasure rolling inside her, kind of a pre-coming feeling, but different than usual; she couldn’t really tell what was her clit and what were the walls inside her and what was contracting and what was releasing and then she realized she must be coming because her body had taken over and been taken over in this luscious finger symphony so she just gave in,” writes Hara, in a description of female orgasm that I think will be familiar to many.

In this book, fast is as much a state of mind as a state of motion. It’s not about trying to slut it up to impress anyone, but about finding what works for you. I was intrigued to find that playing with prostitution, or whoring, came up as a theme in many submissions, as did threesomes with one woman and two men. It makes sense that fast would be associated with women who mix cash and sex, as happens in Angela Caperton’s “Playing the Market,” where the new economy mixes with the world’s oldest profession. In my “Whore Complex,” whoredom is more a state of mind, a go-to fantasy that leaps from the bounds of dirty talk to real life with some unusual consequences. There’s also exhibitionism, such as in Jacqueline Applebee’s “Five-Minute Porn Star,” and submission--there’s a lot of very hot female submission and BDSM play in this book.

These girls are fast when they want to be…and slow at other times. They want to crack their lovers’ secret codes, find out what makes them tick, as happens in Charlotte Stein’s “Married Life.” I like this story because the wife is not just passively accepting her humdrum sex life, but she doesn’t want to have an affair or get a divorce. She wants her husband, the man she loves, but she wants him openly, honestly, freely and when they both give a little of themselves and bravely bare their souls, they find true happiness.

These girls don’t give it up for just anyone. Even the ones who get around have a reason for choosing their lovers, and it’s those reasons, those images, that resonate with me. Here’s Tristan Taormino in “Winter, Summer,” rhapsodizing about the woman she’s about to seduce (or perhaps, who’s about to seduce her is more accurate):

She’s the boy I have dreamed about and jerked off to too many times to count. The one who won’t leave my fantasies, who cruises me in my bedroom, who seduced me months ago in another lifetime with her voice, who plays pool and drinks beer, who grabs my ass in crowded bars just to fuck with my boundaries and catch me off guard, who makes my brain get wet and my pussy explode.

Exactly. Though there are women on the prowl here, women who go after younger men, women who pounce, women who pursue, there are others who are excited about being the object of another’s affection, lust and desire. For them, being fast means courting the man or woman (or more than one person) they are searching for.

These fast girls speak to me on many levels. I admire them, respect them, marvel at them, raise my eyebrows at them, want them. But most of all, I’m excited that they’ve broken free of whatever messages we all receive about how a woman is “supposed” to act and instead they are bent on acting however they damn well please. And that’s my personal definition of a fast, not to mention foxy, girl.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

* To hear more of Sarge, click here.

Celebrate 4 years of cupcake blogging on December 4th

Formal invite TK but please save the date to stuff your face with cupcakes, mingle, and win fun prizes! If you want to RSVP (not necessary), you can on our Meetup group or Facebook.



Cupcakes Take the Cake 4-Year Anniversary/Holiday Party
December 4, 6-9 pm

Cupcakes Take the Cake bloggers Allison Bojarski, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Nichelle Stephens invite you to celebrate our 4-year blogiversary with free cupcakes from local bakeries and plenty of cupcake-themed raffle prizes, such as the cookbook Baked: New Frontiers in Baking and the novel Life's Too Short to Frost a Cupcake. 1-800-Flowers' Cupcake in Bloom will also be given away as a prize. Feel free to bring your own cupcakes, or just come to taste our free offerings. FREE, 21+

White Rabbit, 145 East Houston Street, NYC
Directions: Take F/V to 2nd Avenue.

Why Amazon's book stocking system needs a major haul

If you've ever been a small publisher selling to Amazon, or an author/editor dealing with a small publisher dealing with Amazon (that's me! With Pretty Things Press and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2 and Sex and Candy), you know that their stocking system makes no sense. Or, well, it makes sense to them, but sucks bigtime for publishers because they are constantly ordering in extremely small increments. I had to deal with frustration as an editor with my books not always being in stock; I've also had other Amazon issues with them de-listing the rankings of books like He's on Top, but that's another story.

Stephanie Grenier's Blog Blazers: 40 Top Bloggers Share Their Secrets to Creating a High-Profile, High-Traffic, and High-Profit Blog! is one example of the flaws in the system. Today it's still showing "Temporarily out of stock" (and doesn't give potential customers a clue when it will be in stock). Bad Amazon. You deserve a spanking!

One commenter wrote:

Sometimes it’s good to be out of stock. It gives a certain degree of ‘get-it-now-before-it-runs-out-again’ perception to the buyers.

I respectfully disagree. What happened with me, full disclosure, is that Steph's reply to my comment convinced me to order it, but then the lovely Jennette Fulda (an interviewee) said she'd send me a copy, so rather than wait, I'm getting that one and will of course review it here and on Amazon. I really do look forward to reading it; I mean look at the bloggers who are interviewed: Dan Lyons, Jessamyn West, Seth Godin, Penelope Trunk, and onward. I think I found it via SEO Book, but I'm not sure.

My main point is, through no fault of the editor's, she lost a sale, and I'm sure more people will click through and buy a book on impulse if they think they're going to get it right away. One thing Amazon does well is shipping; I order from them often and usually get my book within 2 days, sometimes the next day (Manhattan delivery).

You can, of course, also order it directly from the author, and it does indeed exist:



I especially like the simple but informative blogger bios section, where you can easily find out more about these talented bloggers.

Calendar girls

I had fun at Friday's sex blogger calendar release party, even though I showed up late and was feeling a little weird about the whole thing. The calendar itself is gorgeous. Will I use it for anything other than a keepsake? I don't think so, but I hope you do. I just think it would be the height of narcissism for me to hang it on my cubicle wall. I'll be using a cupcake calendar, finally (last year I ordered one and it never arrived and then was sold out!). I did, however, have fun and saw lots of old friends and met readers of this blog.

If you're the comedian I met, I thought you said your blog was Cato's Crunches, but I obviously heard wrong, so write me and tell me what it is so I can follow you! I also managed to leave one of my crazy tall shoes there! Thankfully Tess, whose blog I sadly can't read anymore, saved it for me.

Here's me and Twanna. She also took a very closeup shot of my cleavage - not that I'm surprised! You should check out her latest blog post at Funky Brown Chick (like The Frisky, it's also blocked by the New York Public Library!) about her struggles with imitator Funky Black Chick. It's an important lesson for all bloggers and anyone interested in branding and self-promotion.

January events! Derek and Romaine tonight, In The Flesh, Best Sex Writing, Erotic Love Letters

It's a busy month kicking off a busy year, filled with many deadlines and many events...here's what's on tap for January. I'll provide the February recap once these events are over, or you can always check my site's calendar (needs updating at the moment, sorry) or my RSS calendar on the left side of this blog. Lots of travel coming up, about one event per month for the next little while. There's also a Cupcakes Take the Cake Meetup this Saturday at Out of the Kitchen, and an event called Kiss and Tell on January 16th at Arena Studios that I don't have any more info on, but, uh, I'll be there!



Tonight (Thursday, January 10th), despite this evil cold, I'm going on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius OutQ to talk about Best Sex Writing 2008. I will try not to steer the conversation too far into Romaine mommyland, but I may not be able to help myself. Speaking of which, there were soooo many adorable babies and little kids at the U.S. Embassy on Monday. Yes, obviously I was very jealous but I'm biding my time. 2010 or 2011 maybe? Then I can start becoming a baby factory (I definitely want more than one).

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
BLOGGER SEX NIGHT
THURSDAY, JANUARY 17th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

In The Flesh hosts its first all blogger night, with a range of readings from sexual memoir to erotica. With Dashiell (Fleshbot), T.A. Hines (Funky Brown Chick), Nichelle Stephens (nichellenewsletter.typepad.com), Martha Burzynski (Alice Ayers), Allison Bojarski (crossfitnyc.com), Lolita Wolf (lolitawolf.blogspot.com) and Jen Dziura (jenisfamous.com), who will read from the recently released anthology Sex and Candy: 22 Succulent Stories. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady blog, editor of Best Sex Writing 2008, Hide and Seek, Sex and Candy). Free candy and cupcakes will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne PortnoySofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Allison Bojarski is ready and waiting to kick your ass and have you pay her for the honor of doing so, at the best damn gym in New York, CrossFit NYC. Allison’s also blogged her way through Brazilian music and dance, cupcakes, the New York food scene, and marathon training. Equal parts sensual hedonist and clean-living advocate, she savors life to its fullest without looking or feeling crappy the next morning.
allisonbojarski.blogspot.com and crossfitnyc.com



Martha Burzynski a writer and photographer. Her work has appeared in The Village Voice, Publisher's News (UK), and online for Gothamist.com, Gawker Media, Mr. Beller's Neighborhood, and TheBlackTable.com. She has written about drinking and bars in the popular Drink Up column for Gothamist, and daydreamed crimes, dead cats, and unsent love letters, among other things, elsewhere. She photographs city life, events, including weddings, and portraits. She has an eponymous portfolio site at marthaburzynski.com and is obsessed with Flickr, too, where she can be found at flickr.com/photos/marthaburzynski.
alice-ayers.livejournal.com



Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited numerous anthologies, most recently Best Sex Writing 2008, Hide and Seek, Crossdressing, He’s on Top and She’s on Top. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, Mediabistro, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.
lustylady.blogspot.com



Dashiell is currently the Associate Editor of Fleshbot, but has been writing in various forms on the internet for nearly eight years. No, that is not his real name, but please don't ask him to explain. He wishes he had something more to say here, but that's pretty much it.
www.fleshbot.com

Jennifer Dziura is a comedian and blogger best known for hosting the Williamsburg Spelling Bee⎯a real, cabaret-style adult spelling bee, as featured in the New York Times. Jennifer tours nationally as a comedian with her one-woman show "What Philosophy Majors Do After College," and recently returned from a
three-week tour entertaining the troops in the Middle East. She has written for McSweeney's, appeared on the Bob & Tom Show, debated professionally for Dewars Scotch, and has sold her eggs to gay men, twice.
jenisfamous.com



T.A. Hines is a writer and blogger who has lived in London, Chicago, Amsterdam, Los Angeles and The Hague. She is a contributing blogger at Nerve.com, host/producer of the Internet radio talk show & podcast Dating Roadkill, and editor/publisher of the blog funkybrownchick.com. She enjoys passionate love affairs with far-away lands and intelligent men. Her writing frequently covers interpersonal relationships (online and offline), sex & dating, contemporary lifestyle, arts & entertainment and travel. She has traveled to more than 15 countries, and she speaks English and Dutch fluently as well as conversational French and Italian. She currently resides in New York City.
funkybrownchick.com



Nichelle Stephens is a blogger, comedy producer of Chicks and Giggles, cupcake enthusiast, freelance publicist and small business accountant. She's semi-broke, but she has the most amazing, wonder-filled friends.
nichellenewsletter.typepad.com



Lolita Wolf describes herself as a poly switch who plays pansexually. She is an activist who defends the rights of S/M practitioners, spreads the word about S/M, and helps the community grow and flourish. Yet, her goal remains "to have fun." Lolita has many specialties including bondage, impact play of all sorts, hot wax, poly relationships, social skills, communication and negotiation, CBT, etc. Lolita has presented workshops for universities and organizations across the country and she has authored two books: CBT In A Nutshell and Spanking. She is an Emeritus Board Member of both the Eulenspiegel Society (TES) and Leather Leadership Conference, former Chair of Lesbian Sex Mafia, an honorary member of GMSMA, and she is active with National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and Leather Pride Night. A six year old Princess who lies about her age, Lolita manages to stir up trouble and get her own way (most of the time). She blogs about relationships, sex and BDSM/Leather as well as life in NYC.
lolitawolf.blogspot.com and LeatherYenta.com





January 22, 7 pm - 9 pm
Best Sex Writing 2008 Book Release Party/Reading
At Rapture Cafe, 200 Avenue A (between 12th and 13th), NYC, FREE
Featuring editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, Rachel Shukert ("Big Mouth Strikes Again: An Oral Report"), Lux Nightmare ("The Pink Ghetto"), Miriam Datskovsky ("Absolut Nude"), and Liz Langley ("Sex and the Single Septuagenarian"). Free cupcakes will be serived, and books will be available for sale and signing.



Sunday, January 27, 8 pm - 10 pm
Love Letter Writing Workshop
$20
U R HOT. Want to express your feelings to your Valentine, but just can’t find the words? Spend the evening with Rachel Kramer Bussel penning romantic notes and sweet nothings for your special someone. Rachel is a novelist, editor, and columnist; editor of more than a dozen erotic anthologies, including "He’s on Top", "She’s on Top", and "Hide and Seek". Pen and paper will be provided, and a handout with suggested readings will be passed out. You will have the oportunity to read your work aloud (but are not required to), and will leave with a letter you could send to a lover (real or imaginary).
Babeland, 43 Mercer Street, NYC
Call 212-966-2120 to register or visit the store