Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Over and out

I will be in Puerto Rico (at The Coconut Palms Inn) from now until Tuesday afternoon, and may or may not have Internet access, but don't expect replies to any emails/phone calls until late Tuesday. I'm going to try to enjoy myself on the beach with my cousins and the probably dozen books I'm taking, even though I do have major writing to do while there as well, but will be doing my best to stay IN the sun and OFF the Internet!

Sex workerama

I could not need a vacation any more than I do right now. I almost lost it last night but instead of bursting into tears as I half wanted to, I went to a bar and felt up a pretty girl all the way in from Texas and talked to gay boys about blowjobs. Speaking of Sweet Jane, send her your stories of your first orgasm (or a first orgasm). The Sex Worker Visions show was fabulous, and it turns out the photograph I want to by is done by a friend of mine! The sex bloggers were out in force, and I got to meet Melissa Gira, Lex of Naked Lofty Party and Viviane. Molly Crabapple looked gorgeous, as always, and the interview with her in $pread is a must read, I will quote from it sometime soon. Speaking of Molly, check out her art opening at MF Gallery on Saturday! Last but not least, organizer Audacia Ray looked radiant and did a brilliant curating job, there was also a huge cake, and I got to go home wearing a tiara! I told them I'd felt a little intimidated by the sex blogger get-together and skipped out, and tried to explain why, third time was the charm:

I'm not as dirty as you are.

I'm not as slutty as you are.

My blog's not as slutty as your blog.

That about summed up the night. Had a wonderful time chatting before and during with a new agent friend who I now adore, and I think I managed to coax the lovely Lily Burana into reading from her sexy new rodeo novel Try ("like Brokeback Mountain for straight people but also with a gay cowboy") at In The Flesh. Said hi to Tristan and Tracy Quan for two seconds and ogled the art.

Village Voice column help catchall

Help relieve my upcoming vacation stress (I don't mean that in a dirty way, I mean that in a my-head-is-exploding-from-too-many-things-to-do-at-once way) and give me some juicy quotes for my Voice column. And by "juicy," I mean about cocksucking or sex while drunk, or blowjobs while drunk, or . . . any of the below. But one of those topics sometime today would be good. Also, this doesn't have to be about your life NOW, it can be about something that you used to do/be into/fantasize about/etc.

For my Village Voice Lusty Lady column, I'm looking to interview people/get your stories about the following topics (you must be 18+ to respond) - email me at rachelkb at if you want to reply or you can post below, but email is best, and you can be totally anonymous (or if you want me to I will use your first name, up to you):

1. Blowjobs - do you like giving them? getting them? Both? What specifically do you like about giving them (the emphasis is on giving blowjobs) - what circumstances make it best/ideal for you? When do you not like it? Is there anything the person you're giving the blowjob to can do to make it better for you? Really, anything you have to say about giving blowjobs, I'm interested in hearing, the sooner the better on this one. I'm especially looking for gay men - don't just say "yes" or "no" - tell me what you do/don't like, best/worst case scenarios, any interesting stories. Please give me your name (or pseudonym), age, sexual orientation and anything else relevant.

2. Hair color fetishes/preferences - Do blondes, brunettes, or redheads (or, for that matter, green, blue or purple hair) get you hot? Will you only date/sleep with people with a certain hair color? (If you know/have a guess), why that color? Do you think people with that hair color have certain personality traits, or is it simply a visual thing?

3. Unsafe sex - What happened? was it a one-time thing or a regular occurence? Were you pressured into it? Did you regret it? Did you like it? Were there regrets/consequences/concerns?

4. Number of partners - Do you count the number of sexual partners you've had? Did you used to count and no longer do? Do you care, for yourself and/or your partners? Is there a lowest number acceptable and a highest? What does the number of one's partners signify to you?

5. I want to do a column called "The Art of Rejection" - how to decline a date, proposition, end a relationship/hookup, etc. gracefully, instead of, say, disappearing without a trace, which seems to have happened to every woman I know (I'm not saying it's just women it happens to, just that I know many women who it's happened to). I want to get all kinds of input on "nice" ways to say no to someone and people who've dealt with it from both sides, asker and decliner, guy and girl, gay/straight/bi etc. Email me at rachelkb at with your thoughts/stories/take on this.

6. Drunk Sex - how much did you drink? what happened? who was it with? did you see them again? Would the sex have happened if you weren't drunk?

(All of these questions are starting points - if you have some crazy story, which I'm sure some of you do, you can just tell the story in an email.)

If you have suggestions for column ideas, please let me know - I always have various ones in the works but am totally open to suggestions of good topics/events/people to cover.

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Joanna's Angels 2 release party

Go visit Dealbreaker

No, I'm not a finance person either, but check out Dealbreaker anyway. Hopefully soon the funny video will be up, and I can tell you what I contributed to its making.

And while I think it's obvious that I'm not down with the snarky tone of this post, this comment amused me:

I am in love with Elizabeth Spiers. Won't read her new blog, but I would eat broken glass from between her toes.

Speaking of Elizabeth, she read a hilarious transcription of a phone conversation with her undermining mom last night at Ritalin. Eugene Mirman was also especially funny with his MySpace tale. And sadly, Jonathan Coulton's Flickr video cut out before the baby, but we got to hear him do what has to be the most hilarious rendition of "Baby Got Back" EVER.

Sex Worker Visions tonight!

Audacia Ray posted the final artwork lineup for tonight's show Sex Worker Visions.

Here’s the final lineup of artists and the titles of their pieces for the exhibition:
Norene Leddy, “The Aphrodite Project: Platforms”
Anne Hanavan, “Paranoid”
Molly Crabapple, “Curtains”
Charise Isis, “Narcissus”
Edel Tripp and Kire Carlson, “The Booth”
Dana Sweeney, “Body”
Joe Gallant and Belladonna, “Summer’s Eve”
Fly, untitled illustrations for $pread magazine
Chris Student, “Nell Geyn Tea Set”
Val Desjardins, “Spread MTL”
George Pitts, “April Flores”
Paul Sarkis, untitled photographs of Seymour Butts and Mari Possa
Eve Ryder, “Look Angry”
Cristy Road, illustrations for $pread magazine
Heather Corinna, “Another Satisfied Sex Worker”
Carol Leigh aka Scarlot Harlot, “Free Whores”
Kathryn Delaney and Lainie Basman, “Public Faces”
Bella Vendetta, “You can never get clean”
Sadie Lune, “Kitty’s Pedicure”
Tobaron Waxman, “Tradewinds motel, Melissa circa 1950, Untitled still life”
Shane Luitjens, “You Are My Fat Check”
Erin Siegal, “Nikki” and “Foot Party”
Catherine McGregor, “Foot with Money”

I can't wait, plus I get to see hotties Jane Vincent, Molly Crabapple, and Diana Cage and pick up the latest issue of $pread - what could be bad?

April 19th True Sex Confessions Night at In The Flesh

Real update later, but for now, yet another reminder:

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

In April, New York’s hottest personalities share their 100% true sex confessions. From bad sex to porn obsessions to prostitutes and more, they’ll make you cringe, laugh, and turn you on (maybe even all three at once!). Featuring comedian Dan Allen, blogger and novelist Jessica Cutler (The Washingtonienne), Columbia Spectator sex columnist Miriam Datskovsky, memoirist and ex-drag queen Josh Kilmer-Purcell (I Am Not Myself These Days), Dategirl columnist Judy McGuire, nude model, porn reviewer, and sex worker Audacia Ray (, memoirist and editor Felicia Sullivan, and your host, Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include GLBT stories, porn star night, and erotic memoirs.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

BEA, bitches!

That subject line is in honor of GirlyNYC, who came with me to Chicago for BEA in 2004 and we had the best best time hotel hopping, wearing kitty ears, and loading up like 100 pounds of books. I am such a nerd and absolutely cannot wait for May and DC and CakeLove and BEA and will probably be firing up the laptop on Saturday in Puerto Rico to find out who's autographing. Also, we have a hot posse of writers joining us this year and I intend to live it up while we're there.

Speaking of books (cause when am I not?), these two recent sales amused me:

Bev West and Jason Bergund's BAD BRIDE: 222 Not-So-Blushing Brides and Weddings Gone Wild, a humorous collection of wedding photos revealing the pissed-off control queen beneath the veil, to Rebecca Isenberg at Warner, in a very nice deal, by Jenny Bent at Trident Media Group.

Lucy Finn's debut paranormal romance, I DREAM OF DIAPER GENIE, to Liz Scheier at NAL, in a nice deal, by John Talbot at Talbot Fortune Agency (world).

Gothamist interview with Audacia Ray, Writer and Sex Worker Rights Advocate

Gothamist interview with Audacia Ray, Writer, $pread magazine Executive Editor, Sex Worker Rights Advocate, Nude Model and overall kickass awesome person
(I added that last bit here)

And you can hear her read a true sex confession on April 19th at 8 pm at Happy Ending at my reading series In The Flesh!

Also very proud to say that I gave Audacia her very first (of many at this point) press in one of my early Voice columns, "Whore Pride" - which brings up this issue Greg Lindsay covered at Mediabistro yesterday of whether to use your friends as sources. I see my Voice column as a chance to explore sexual issues, and those for me are often best and sometimes only explored in conversation with people I know well, because they trust me to treat them fairly, keep their confidences when asked, and not judge them. Therefore, I woulud not have been able to just go out and "find" people for a column like that, and part of my point was that they came to me, I just happened to meet them. My best material comes from spontaneous conversations with friends, and when I write about them, it's because I think other people will be able to relate, or will get something out of it. I also totally welcome and love when other people respond or I get referred to new people, like with this older women/younger men piece. I really love hearing about people's sexual proclivities, it's fascinating to me and I like learning new things and sortof piecing things together, like with the boobiesexuals column. If it were just one person, that'd be sortof interesting, but it's more interesting to me that there's a group of disparate people who wouldn't otherwise know about each other who share this common interest. Lindsay's piece brings up some good points, and I'm not saying one should or shouldn't use friends as sources, but for the purposes of my sex column and the way I've gone about it thus far, it works well for me. I try very, very hard to treat my subjects fairly and I hope I've succeeded in that. It's trickier writing about my own sex life, and I navigate that as I go.

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"Is Don' legal?" by Julie Hilden

I've liked lawyer/writer/ columnist Julie Hilden (whose novel I must take with me on vacation and finally read) since her column about Jessica Cutler and whether the Steinbuch suit is viable. Here she examines the legal repercussions of Don' (What about the grammatical issues involved with apostrophes in URLs? I'm just copying it as I see it there, but I myself wouldn't use the apostrohe.)

See also: My Blacktable piece lambasting

Blowjobs blowjobs blowjobs

I just like writing that word. Okay, I still don't know what I'm writing my next Voice column about, blowjobs, dealbreakers, or drunk sex, but in case it's blowjobs, I'd love to get anyone's feedback on the topic, gay, straight, bi, boobiesexual, male, female, trans, but especially the gay guys, I'd like your perspective on giving/getting blowjobs. It's kinda open-ended so tell me what you like/don't like about them, good stories, horror stories, anything interesting to rachelkb at and yes, you will be anonymous unless you tell me otherwise. I just need it by Thursday morning at 7 am (so for most of you, Wednesday night).

Tuesday morning sex links

Scrambling once again as my plane leaves Thursday night (SO not ready) for Puerto Rico. Here's some stuff to check out:

"Sex in the Syllabus," Time, about college classes on porn

A 2005 article about Pagan Moss and (anything about the actual Lusty Lady is appealing to me)

Nichelle's boobs are everywhere: thanks to Queerty and TGP (which is also covering the Britney Spears possibly nude photo scandal story) for linking to my boobiesexuals column

I'm dedicating my book to Pink

Or at least, sending her a copy when it comes out (in 2008? 2009? gotta get a book dael first!)

from "No shades of grey with Pink" in The Sydney Morning Herald

Pink describes herself as a feminist - "I would say that, definitely" - but like many women, she is still trying to assess where she stands in regards to in-your-face sexuality.

"I'm actually reading a book right now called
Female Chauvinist Pigs [by Ariel Levy], which is really interesting to me because it shows both sides of it," says Pink. "In the book she talks about how we're thinking we are liberated but really we're just buying into the male mainstream idea of how we should be - the socialisation of it all. I'm just still trying to figure out what I believe and how I can put that into action.

"But one of the things I know, and I don't have to read a book about it, is that I don't think there's anything wrong with being sexy. I just don't think sexy has to go along with being stupid. I mean, I don't think you have to dumb yourself down to be cute.

"The sexiest women around the world are thinkers and doers and writers. People like Oprah and Angelina, people who are trying to talk about things. And Madonna, who's always trying to push boundaries, test people's convictions and ideas of what sex is and what a woman's role is."

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Ritalin Reading Series and Heeb Storytelling are tonight!

Ritalin is a really fun reading series because they book fabulous readers AND those fabulous readers have to condense their humor into only 4 minutes. It's at Mo Pitkin's tonight and I shall be there. The last time I went (I had to miss one), Alex and Lindsay dressed up as James Frey and JT LeRoy. Also, across the hall at 7:30 (a whole hour before!) is Chicks and Giggles, which is a great show too. And before Ritalin, at 7 at Mo Pitkin's, is Heeb Storytelling. I'm going to a party at 6:30 but am gonna try to make it cause Anya and Dan are awesome (and both are Gothamist interiewees of mine, and Dan's reading at In The Flesh on April 19th). What else is tonight and is free? BOGGLE! (Complete with free cupcakes, and try the dumplings if you go, they're delicious.) Who is sad to be missing it? Me, especially since the next one is the same night as In The Flesh, April 19th. But in May, I'm so there and will kick everyone's ass. Just kidding, kindof. I get competitive but there's some really great players at Boggle who can kick my ass, but I have fun either way.

Heeb Storytelling

Heeb's critically acclaimed Storytelling series returns with Passover-themed stories from Dan Allen (comedian, poet and scientific philosopher), Vivien Goldman (author, The Books of Exodus: The Making and Meaning of Bob Marley and the Wailers' Album of the Century), Andy Horwitz (downtown performer), Elliott Kalan (producer, The Daily Show), Anya Kamenetz (author, Generation Debt), Annette Ezekial (Golem accordionist), and Yuri Lane (beat-boxing sensation).

Tuesday, March 28, 7:00 PM at Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A, NY, 10009

Ritalin Reading Series
March 28th at 8:30PM (Doors at 8PM)
Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction - $7
34 Avenue A (b. 2nd and 3rd St.)

Hosted by Lindsay Robertson & Alex Balk
Produced by Jon Friedman


Sam Lipsyte
Jonathan Coulton
John Green
Elizabeth Spiers
Jon Friedman
Brad Stuernagel
Chris Genoa
& The Hilarious Nightclub Comedy of a Secret Surprise Comedic Guest now revealed to be Eugene Mirman

Monday, March 27, 2006

Adventures in book covers: The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica

Not sure yet if anything of mine will be in this one, but I hope so - I love Cleis's covers, can't wait to see what they cook up for our Hide and Seek book. The title may change but it's almost done and is totally hot!

The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica

The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica


I think I know all too well but of course will read it

Co-author of He's Just Not That into You Liz Tuccillo's HOW TO BE SINGLE, to Greer Hendricks at Atria, for publication in spring 2007, by Andrea Barzvi at ICM (world).

Also congrats to Michelle and Laurenn:

Creators of Rent Girl, Michelle Tea and Laurenn McCubbin's CARRIER, a graphic novel about a superhero girl with wings who fights crime and gets a second chance at having a family, to Kate Nitze at MacAdam/Cage, in a nice deal, by Elizabeth Wales at Wales Literary Agency (world).

Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage

I am so so so so so glad these books are over and out so I can focus on new work, including the sex positions book I need to finish, various columns, articles, interviews and dirty stories, and 2 anthologies coming out in 2007, not to mention that book proposal I'll probably never finish but keep dreaming about nonetheless. Oh, and a social life and maybe even some sex...see why I need a vacation?

Anyway, here's what should be the finalized TOC for Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage, coming out in July.

Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage
Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce

1. Unlocking by Zaedryn Meade
2. Enzo's Wish by Jay Starre
3. Giving a RatsAss by Debra Hyde
4. Heartbound by MinaRose
5. The Man Who Tied Himself Up by Simon Sheppard
6. The Interview by Tara Alton
7. A New Side of Billy by Max Southern
8. Stewardship by Dominic Santi
9. A Tooth for a Tooth by L. Elise Bland
10. The Kidnapping of Gio by Christopher Pierce
11. Better Late Than Never by Mark O'Neal
12. Subtle by Andrea Dale
13. Opposite Attraction by William Holden
14. The Center of Power by Sage Vivant
15. Trading Places by Teresa Noelle Roberts
16. The Night Visitor by Lew Bull
17. Prixe Fixe by Riain Grey
18. Knit One and Tie Me Up, Too by Kristina Wright
19. Absolutely Helpless by Jason Rubis
20. A Man in a Blindfold by Kate Dominic
21. Finishing School by Maddy Stuart
22. Introducing Daniel by Sean Michael
23. Far From View by J.Z. Sharpe
24. Dancing Queen by Rachel Kramer Bussel
25. Captive by Jeff Mann
26. Two Mistresses Are Better Than One by Marina Saint
27. Stolen Treasure by Cynthia Rayne
28. Shackled by T. Hitman
29. Obedience by Tanya Turner
30. The Surprise Game by Wade Johnson

More boobs

Here are some to look at - feel free to send me links to any other interesting sets of boobs

Monday morning sex links

Playing mad, mad catchup on many fronts so may not be posting/emailing too much this week, especially cause Friday at 5 a.m. I'm flying to Puerto Rico for a much-needed (hello understatement!) vacation, back Tuesday afternoon. I'll be taking the laptop but don't expect to hear from me until I'm back, the laptop is so I can "work on my book" and do any creative/erotic/free/whatever writing pops into my head. And maybe upload cute baby photos (baby's first plane right and beach trip!). Downside - no idea about a bathing suit. I never ever go to the beach, so I am gonna be trying to figure out the whole one piece/two piece conundrum. But in the meantime, definitely racing to write a ton of stuff, including my next Voice column, which I need to file early (drunk sex or blowjobs? not sure yet of the topic, or something else entirely), my last Girl Talk column for Penthouse (my column's ending but I'll still be writing for them), and various other bits and pieces.

My friend Miriam Datskovsky's latest Sexplorations column for The Columbia Spectator entitled "Of Sex and Freedom"

Elizabeth Hayt goes on a date with Tucker Max - then he responds on his site. Nothing much to add except that I write book reviews for The New York Post, and just as I've felt sortof compelled to recently with the Voice, I'll just say that I take all my work very seriously. NO, I didn't go to journalism school, but I do treat what I write, which, after all, has become my career, ethically. I do a lot via email so there's no chance of misquoting, and when something like a title or a website (ahem) gets messed up by accident, I feel really awful. But when doing personal reporting, I feel like you are of course going to say things that offend someone, sometimes, even when you're saying how they're good in bed...they might think you were "too honest" about the type of bed they own (true story) or might take umbrage at anything you say. My response, for me, is that I call things as I see them. For my Voice column, I never go into a situation thinking I'll write about it, it's usually what happens afterwards that lets me know if it's a worthy topic, like if I can't stop thinking about something or if several similar events occur in a row. But I think it's a little bitchy and playing both sides of the fence to disparage the Post at the same time as you're trying to suck up to it (not that Tucker did that, the person he's quoting did).

Sunday, March 26, 2006

too cute

Originally uploaded by Britphoto.
Justine Joli is almost too cute - she's just so freaking adorable and hot, and that good girl/bad girl thing drives me crazy.


Gay men, blowjob queens and cocksucking generally

If I have any gay or bi male readers who want to weight in on blowjobs (giving and/or getting) for my Voice column, please email me at rachelkb at - ladies or straight men who have something really interesting to say (not just, I like it or I don't), you can email me too with your thoughts. I'm sure blowjobs are a topic many people have something to say about, actually, but I need to hear from you by this Tuesday, March 27th (that date may change - if it does I'll post here). And if people have suggestions about topics I should cover for my Lusty Lady column, let me know. I have a whole bunch of them planned but am always looking for interesting sex events, acts, groups, phenomena and such to write about.

Even though it's frowned upon, I am going to in part respond to another publication, The Atlantic (republished at Powell's), so I can get my 2 cents in about Caitlin Flanagan's "Blowjob Nation" hysteria (you know, versus the handjob, the "far more debasing, uncomfortable and messy blowjob"). But I'm not gonna be talking about teens and oral sex cause that's a whole other topic, though I do think adult freakouts over teen sexuality are largely indicative of their very adult hangups and ideas about sex.

Also, here are some tips on giving a blowjob and Tristan Taormino's classic Voice column entitled simply "Cocksucker."

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Fabulous weekend

I just wanted to say that I'm having a fabulous weekend so far - have to now catch up on tons of stuff I've neglected and cram a bunch of work and packing into the next few days, plus buy a bathing suit, but one thing at a time. I got to catch up with Miriam, who I never seem to get enough time with, when we saw Failure to Launch, which I thought was pretty cute, and then had a very fun date with someone I've wanted to go out with for a while. Friday night I got to see Nichelle, meet Mandy S., see various comedians who I hadn't seen in a while, like the lovely Shonali, whose band, Tiger and Monkeys, is releasing their full-length CD very soon, and walk out with a fun goodie bag.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Listen to Anna Nalick

Found Anna Nalick poking around MySpace and now cannot stop listening to "Breathe 2 am" and "Paper Bag." Highly recommended.

Because we all know teenagers don't have sex

Today the New York Times looks at WB and "The Bedford Diaries" in light of the FCC forcing the network to remove certain scenes dealing with teenage sexuality. The episode will air in full online today at 3 p.m. at (thanks to Miriam for the link)

I'm interested in this but also want to mention something that happened the other day. I was asked to be on SiriusOutQ radio show Derek and Romaine but was asked to read a story "not as sexy" as the one that I (along with 2 friends) read last time, called "Pants Girl." I got there and wound up reading, along with the lovely Veronika Sweet, part of "Law School and Lesbians" from my new book First-Timers: True Stories of Lesbian Awakening, and every time we got to a really sexy part, Romaine would sortof making joking noises. During the break she told us: "We're not allowed to make porn on the air."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Romaine: "We can be sexy, up to a point."

Basically, she said that we're not supposed to be arousing listeners to the point of...wait for it...pornography. Are we not back to the inanity of obscenity law? This is the station that is home to Howard Stern? I don't understand this fear of sexuality, this absolute horror over the idea that someone, somewhere, somehow, might get aroused. What do they think is going to happen?

See also: Do the FCC's rules apply to cable and satellite programming? In the past, the FCC has enforced the indecency and profanity prohibitions only against conventional broadcast services, not against subscription programming services such as cable and satellite. However, the prohibition against obscene programming applies to subscription programming services at all times.

But back to the FCC...

The pilot episode of "The Bedford Diaries," which concerns a group of college students attending a class on human sexuality, had already been accepted by WB's standards department. After the FCC decision last week to issue millions of dollars in fines against broadcast stations, the network's chairman, Garth Ancier, contacted Mr. Fontana and asked him to edit a number of specific scenes out of the show, including one that depicted two girls in a bar kissing on a dare and another of a girl unbuttoning her jeans.

"I said no," Mr. Fontana said in an interview Wednesday. "I told him I found the ruling incomprehensible. He said the censor would do the edit."

If you're looking for ways to make teenagers think adults are prudish, idiotic, sex-phobic and out to lunch, bingo, FCC! This is about more than a generation gap over technology, as the article seems to paint it. It's about values. All we hear about now is how the teenagers now think oral sex is no big deal--if we agree that that's the case, censoring any mention of sex is no way to reach a generation that can easily access extremely explicit material at the click of a button.

What I was talking about before is not just some abstract Supreme Court ruling. It is precisely how the F.C.C. is defining obscenity too. Please ask yourself why "patently offensive" is in quotes everywhere it's seen here...maybe because there IS NO FUCKING DEFINITION WE CAN ALL AGREE ON?

What makes material “indecent?” Indecent material contains sexual or excretory material that does not rise to the level of obscenity. For this reason, the courts have held that indecent material is protected by the First Amendment and cannot be banned entirely. It may, however, be restricted to avoid its broadcast during times of the day when there is a reasonable risk that children may be in the audience. The FCC has determined, with the approval of the courts, that there is a reasonable risk that children will be in the audience from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m., local time. Therefore, the FCC prohibits station licensees from broadcasting indecent material during that period.

Material is indecent if, in context, it depicts or describes sexual or excretory organs or activities in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium. In each case, the FCC must determine whether the material describes or depicts sexual or excretory organs or activities and, if so, whether the material is “patently offensive.”

In our assessment of whether material is “patently offensive,” context is critical. The FCC looks at three primary factors when analyzing broadcast material: (1) whether the description or depiction is explicit or graphic; (2) whether the material dwells on or repeats at length descriptions or depictions of sexual or excretory organs; and (3) whether the material appears to pander or is used to titillate or shock. No single factor is determinative. The FCC weighs and balances these factors because each case presents its own mix of these, and possibly other, factors.

I am not saying I have all the answers, merely trying to point out that the idea of "contemporary community standards" is really in large part a smokescreen for political maneuverings about what individuals think is obscene. Do you really think the "17 attorneys and 16 other support personnel" employed by our government to monitor obscenity, indecency and profanity (three different things, mind you) never bring their personal biases onto the job? People can file complaints about whatever the hell they want to, and if the only real criteria has to be, boiling down the Supreme Court's oh-so-standardized definition, that it offends them, what then? We will have to cater to the most easily offended...or just throw our TVs out the window and watch this stuff online. Because teens won't be looking there. So here is but one example of how these so-called community standards really don't mean a thing. (There are plenty of other examples, right Bono? Also, did you know "The ``F-Word'' is one of the most vulgar, graphic and explicit descriptions of sexual activity in the English language. Its use invariably invokes a coarse sexual image." Maybe that's why I use it so much.)


What monetary sanctions has the FCC imposed for violation of its indecency, profanity, and obscenity restrictions? The base monetary sanction for violation of the FCC's indecency, profanity, and/or obscenity restrictions is $7,000 per violation. The FCC may adjust this monetary sanction upwards, up to a current statutory maximum of $32,500 per violation, based on such factors as the nature, circumstances, extent and gravity of the violation, and, with respect to the violator, the degree of culpability, any history of prior offenses, ability to pay, and such other matters as justice may require.

During 2004, the FCC imposed monetary sanctions for indecency violations up to $1,183,000, for an aggregate annual total of $3,658,000. In addition, some entities chose to settle claims against them and made voluntary payments to the U.S. Treasury, totaling $7,928,080 in 2004.

Definitely prurient

Okay, while we're on the topic, here's some smut to check out...

Trixie's Houseboy - yes, Tasty Trixie has a host of porn sites but this one amused me the most.

Dave Naz's photo of a topless, lipstickless Joanna Angel - from his new book I can't wait to check out Fresh: Girls of Seduction.

January's stunning cleavage at Burning Angel

The very dirty and hilarious DCypher's Porno Alphabet.

Let's hear it for the prurient interest

Sometimes I do wish I had finished law school (though I think it would have killed me or sent me into the hospital, in all honesty, I just could not hack it) because then this argument might be stronger, but I'll say it anyway - the way our legal system approaches obscenity is stupid. It's circular, doesn't really define anything, calls for value judgments around sex and "normalcy," and goes against the spirit of the First Amendment and individual rights by pitting the majority against the minority in terms of our sexual desires.

I'm using this page's explanation of basic obscenity law.

For something to be "obscene" it must be shown that the average person, applying contemporary community standards and viewing the material as a whole, would find (1) that the work appeals predominantly to "prurient" interest; (2) that it depicts or describes sexual conduct in a patently offensive way; and (3) that it lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value.

An appeal to "prurient" interest is an appeal to a morbid, degrading and unhealthy interest in sex, as distinguished from a mere candid interest in sex.

I just think we're always going to have basic disagreements over what is "morbid, degrading and unhealthy" and what is "merely candid?" We saw how Caitlin Flanagan called blowjobs degrading, and I'm sure that most other people find them totally fine. Now, that is a sex act, not a depiction, but let's go to a depiction - if there's a photo of a girl sucking a guy's cock, some are probably going to find that "morbid, degrading and unhealthy" and some showing "a mere candid interest in sex." Ah, but this second graf lies, because that is not the real test. I think that could be found to be obscene if that mythical "average person" found it "degrading," "patently offensive" and "lacking serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Does that lack of any kind of value on sexuality itself, for itself, on arousal as a good per se, not SCREAM OUT AT YOU from this psychotic definition? Sex, according to the Supreme Court, has to "rise above" its baser elements. "Obscene" material has to not appeal only to our nether regions, but to somewhere loftier, smarter, lest we become raving animals who are so overcome with lust we...I don't know? Kill people? That's why I'm not a lawyer and never will be - I can't even play by the basic ground rules. I think they're idiotic, fucked up, and stupid.

Not only do I have real work to do, but just use your eyes and READ this next part and I think it will become immediately apparent how arbitary, subjective and therefore illogical, confusing and useless these definitions are (because we know how those masturbating exhibitionists need to be stopped, along with the "perverted"):

The second test to be applied in determining whether given material is obscene is whether it depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct such as ultimate sexual acts, normal or perverted, actual or simulated; masturbation; excretory functions; or lewd exhibition of the genitals measured against whether the material is patently offensive by contemporary community standards; that is, whether it so exceeds the generally accepted limits of candor as to be clearly offensive.

I think they force artists, pornographers, and anyone with a dirty mind who wants to express it to squash themselves into the loopholes, to pretend "golly gee, I never thought about the fact that my art might make someone want to go out and fuck, might actually turn someone on." I was too stupid for NYU Law School, and maybe am just too stupid to get this, but WHY is prurience so bad? Where do we draw the line? Is my "merely candid" interest in sex going to bother my neighbor, and if so, who wins? I just think that if we are going to talk about obscenity, we need to be a little more honest about why people enjoy sexually arousing material. I don't think material designed to arouse is any "lesser" than that with literary, artistic, scientific or political value. All directly affect people, all compel people, and all are powerful in their own way. Yet by continuing to segregate sexual material off into some foreign corner like a biohazard, not only do we elevate it to some magical, mythical special status, we fail to understand its power and importance in real people's lives.

Notes on Sexual Freedom

Some notes as I get ready to really dig into my book proposal next weekend while on vacation. (Yes, I think better when I'm not in the midst of the day-to-day rush of things.)

I get a little tripped up sometimes in writing/thinking about this book proposal, because sometimes I think it’s so fucking simply why would anyone want to buy it as a book? Everyone should be able to do what they want sexually as long as it’s consensual. It seems so straightforward. And’s not. I know it’s not, much as I wish it were, because we are not even given, or don’t grant ourselves, the mental freedom to explore. It’s the unspoken, though sometimes spoken, ways we’re shamed into wanting this or that, into having to choose-gay or straight? Top or bottom? This or that? There is no room for those moments of desire that sneak up on you, catch you unawares, that maybe don’t have a name, or at least one you know what to call it.

I don’t buy the story going around that there’s one sexually acceptable script. Take one teensy tiny peek, you don’t even have to go to girls with colds or whatever, you can find communities full of real people who are into everything from fat women to men wanting to be slaves and worship women’s feet to everything else under the sun. But I think we can all look a little deeper inward and examine the ways our own fantasies veer from the accepted scripts.

Here's one example of a guy I'd rather forget but since I can't totally . . . “You’re a top!” he said to me, this look of absolute wonder in his eyes. It was like I’d suddenly turned into an alien, and yet . . . he liked it. He seemed to think this was some crazy feat, especially because I don't "look like" that's how I am. In fact, what were his words? "Meek and docile." Yup, that's me (NOT), but anyway, I guess that's the impression he got. The only thing I can say about me being meek and docile is that I don't like to upset people. I do try to smooth things over and defer to people for the most part, even when I'm upset, but I'm still upset. But I really think how I am in my daily life isn't going to be much of a barometer of how I am in bed, and to me, that's kindof the point. Why wouldn't I want to let go of all the nonsense swirling through my addled brain and just enjoy whatever I want in the moment?

But he seemed so shocked, I think in part because I was acting like that, and was so into it, and because he was really into it, immediately. It was this really weird revelation, I think for both of us, and if you ask any woman who sleeps with guys, and has even hinted at female dominance in bed with them, they will likely tell you that it’s been like a light switch going off. Now, it’s not my job or place to be standing up for the sexually submissive men of the world, but every time I see another book or article or whatever all about WOMEN and sex, I just can’t help think there’s more to the picture. It's not that people are all top or all bottom but that there's a give and take, sometimes we might want to be more one or the other but I don't think there's much room for men to claim their submissiveness in our culture, at least, publicly. And while being public isn't all that matters, if there is zero cultural space to reveal one's proclivities, and no examples of your sexual m.o. for you to identify with, I think that does create a problem in terms of self-esteem and acceptance. It means, maybe, that submissive guys don't know how to ask for what they want, fear that women will think they're less masculine, are confused because they don't want to be submissive or deferential in their daily lives. I mean, come on - if more men (and women) were comfortable with male submission and female dominance, wouldn't men visit pro dommes less and explore that within their marriages/relationships? Not everyone, and there's nothing wrong with pro dommes, I'm just saying that it's a sign that we are not free and if I get this damn book deal, I will be scouring the country for these submissive guys so I can interview them and explore this further, because what I don't want my book to be is "sexual freedom...for women." I'm not claiming women don't bear the brunt of our country's prudery but men get screwed by it, so to speak, as well, just in different ways.

Or look at the way we harp on women who have fantasies that are not in line with what we, collectively, seem to have deemed okay. We’re all jumping in line to castigate Sara Dekeuster for daring to portray her rape fantasies, but what I want to know, and didn’t get to explore in my column on the topic, is what about guys who are acting out rape fantasies with women? What happens there?

I am trying to think broadly, but not too broadly so I never get this done, but I keep coming back to the need for sexual FREEDOM in all senses of the word. Not just legally, but socially, mentally. Otherwise the freaky girls, and a few guys, who are “out there” with all this will continue to be portrayed as the slutty, dirty, whores while everyone else, who is either doing pretty much the same thing or thinking about it, is safely tucked away in their little houses. I’m so happy to see this round of "wild mom" books because these women do not want to be associated with the modern-day June Cleavers. The Brett Paesels and Stefanie Wilder-Taylors and Jenny McCarthys are going there, and of course there’s Susie Bright and Lisa Palac and other moms who are too. We don’t treat dads like they should never be sexual again, but we do treat moms that way.

It’s really the categorizing and shaming of anyone who speaks honestly about their sexuality that I have a problem with. That’s why the whole boobiesexual thing appealed to me. Yes, it’s fun and slightly silly to say “boobiesexual,” but on a deeper level, it points to this really flawed way we have of evaluating and informing our own sexuality. I think from an early age we learn to tune out a lot of our sexual desires because they “don’t fit” into the image of who we want to be. Hello, closeted, married gay people who know they’re gay but don’t want to “be” gay in the world. Or whatever your thing, whether it’s crossdressing or being dominated/humiliated or public sex or whatever. Or even if it’s something totally “normal” and I really hate to use that word but you know what I mean. It’s that very lack of a language around sex that I have to call anything “normal” that is the problem. People will totally start conversations and talk about “those people”–you know, the kinky ones or exhibitionists or poly people–without once stopping to think that the person they’re talking to could be one of “those people.”

As much as someone like Dr. Laura is an easy target, there are probably a whole host of people out there who still think that sex is something men want and women grudgingly provide, and hey, sometimes they might even like it, but still, it’s a “duty,” and I don’t think it has to be like that.

It’s really easy to sit in judgment of other people without ever revealing a thing about your own sexuality. I’m not saying every blogger or journalist has to, but when covering these issues, I think it does help to lay your own biases on the table.

Michelle Malkin links to a Washington Times essay that is really just a rehashed version of Wendy Shalit’s A Return to Modesty:

We can embrace the old habit known as "custody of the eyes." This involves simply not looking at anything that offends our sense of modesty. Custody of the eyes extends to men as well as women and can do enormous good when we are in uncomfortable situations at work or walking down the street.

The biggest weapon against impurity is our will power. We cannot expect ourselves to be chaste on a date if we are not chaste in all other areas of our lives. When we go on a date, rather then using the time to kiss and to touch, why not work on building a relationship? Work on a hobby, go on a nature walk, or get involved in group activities with other like-minded couples. Sit down and have long discussions with one another. There's more to compatibility then sex.

We should view dating as a way to get to know a potential spouse and save sex for when we are wed.

But from reading things like this, I never get the sense of sexual desire emanating from these people. Sex is not just “everywhere,” “in the culture” and “out there” in the big bad scary world. “Sex” is not just Jenna Jameson or porn stars or some sexual act du jour. “Sex,” meaning our sexuality, is inside us, is what we make of it, whatever that is. I could get a little more behind this, and why I admire writers like Lauren Winner and Anna Broadway, if these writers acknowledged that our actual sexual impulses stem from our own twisted little minds. It is not about looking outside ourselves for “tips” or advice or one secret special skill. It’s not about trying something cause you heard everyone else is doing it. It’s not about wearing skimpy clothes because that’s what’s “in.” It’s about letting go of all the cultural bullshit, from the pressures to have sex all the time to the pressures never to have sex, and figuring out what you want to do with your own body. What turns YOU on, which may be more than one thing. I think we fall into this idea that we’ll meet this one soulmate who will do everything right, that everything they do will send us into the throes of orgasm, we’ll never want to look at anyone else, blah blah blah. That’s such a false notion of desire and I think everyone knows that. This doesn’t mean monogamy is impossible, but mental monogamy and devotion? I don’t know why we have this idea that looking, thinking, fantasizing, is wrong, but clearly we do.

Furthermore, Girls Gone Wild is not the only thing out there. I was on the radio this week with Dottie Lux, Nasty Canasta and Veronika Sweet of Red Hots Burlesque, and they are just three examples of the wide world of burlesque that is bumping and grinding out a different, but also exhibitionistic, take on sexuality. Yet some would lump them all together.

On Jessica Cutler, Ana Marie Cox, and the salaciousness of blogs, Michelle Malkin wrote:

But blogs can also serve as exhibitionist outlets that highlight the worst of America's tell-all and show-all tendencies . . . I'm sick of the skankettes and their pimps in my business and I'm not alone.

Whose “business” are these people in? I find it a bit curious that people are so up in arms about Jessica all the time. Did anyone say you have to watch her? Or the Kid Rock video? Or the Paris Hilton one? It is not mandatory that you partake in what people are exhibiting, and if sex weren’t so popular, Jessica wouldn’t have gotten a book deal or a TV deal. Furthermore, if, say, Robert Steinbuch and the other guys hadn’t wanted to sleep with her, there would have been no story. What I think we’re missing in all this is that GGW is a big business because lots of guys want to see that! Sure, there are some men who are whooping it up against this “raunch culture” too, but there are plenty more who are perfectly sane, smart, normal people who also like a bit of sexual entertainment. There are plenty of women who do too. People are conflate porn with real life and that’s the problem - it’s a fantasy, a vacation from reality, something to enjoy and stimulate but is not real life.

I’m both confused by the suggestion that this is all mandatory and continually appalled at the shockingly judgmental notions that are being flung about across the sexual spectrum. Sexual judgments that really have no place in 2006 America.

I totally want to interview Sara DeKeuster and find out more about what’s happened with her story (she’s the UWM Post photo editor who caused an uproar there with her photo essay about her rape fantasies) but for now, I will leave you with some of her words on sexual freedom:

Me being a woman, I have the right to express myself, sexually, physically, emotionally and artistically. I think it’s hard for people to look at something and be forced to think about themselves, their past, their secrets, their very own sexuality. It’s a touchy subject for most people...

I am not sorry for my art! It would be like saying I’m sorry for being a woman and that I like sex (or to be fucked rather).

Are we a sexually suppressed society?

Oh, are we ever, especially female sexuality. Why is it so hard to understand that it is in fact OK to talk about or express our sexuality as women? I think this whole ordeal just proves that female sexuality is still being repressed — it makes me want to scream. ... Women have freedom of expression, and I choose to express my sexual wants and needs. Is that OK? No wait, I don’t care, I am who I am.

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Speaking of boobs

What happens when you're too busy to have lunch with your friends? They go and get movie deals and you have to find out via google and The Daily News...congratulations, Shari!

Jennifer Aniston is planning to produce the movie version of author Shari Goldhagen's novel "Family and Other Accidents."

Hers is one of the probably 10 books I'll be taking on vacation with me. Trying not to stress about it cause I'm totally excited, but I will be taking the laptop for its first trip, kinda like the baby's first trip. I actually really can't wait but in the meantime have a crazy massive to do list to get through. I did just write the intro to Sex and Candy - yum!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Briefly - on friendship

Before I miss the entire Playgirl party glued to the computer . . .

My friend was like "you have SO many friends." I guess in some ways I do - I like people. I like meeting new people. I like people who make me smile and laugh and who are just fun and cool and who I can be myself around. But it's never about quantity over quality, ever ever ever. I'm just lucky, I guess. I feel so honored when people tell me their secrets or gush to me cuase they know I want to know, or see ultrasound pics. I like my weekend gym dates with Ellen and my personal little rituals with people. I like having friends who always know what's going on any given night of the week. I like friends who just get stuff without a huge long explanation.

And sometimes I'm amazed that this city has brought me so many kickass people who do just that - no time to link, but some I saw yesterday, like Felicia and Cheryl and Lynn, some who I wish I saw more often, like Heidi and Nichelle and Allison and Martha, some who I just read about/stuff by in the pages of Jane like Lindsay and Elizabeth and Jessica, and some who I don't even know at all but who I want to, like when Brooke, a brand new blog friend is like "I'm a friend of Michelle Collins" and I'm like "me too" and boom, instant friendship. Maybe it's a girl thing, I don't know, cause it doesn't happen for me with guys as often, or maybe the ones I'm friends with are just slower to reach that point.

No, it's not always that easy, but you know, sometimes it is. I never want to be one of those, "Oh, I heard she's a bitch" type of people because you have to judge for yourself. And sometimes, well, the person who said that one was not exactly Mr. Worth Knowing. I think blogs create this sense of familiarity, but also contempt, and I've fallen prey to it myself. I don't like what you "seem like" on your blog so I don't like you. But that is not the person I want to be. Reading all these parenting books, well, they make me jealous of my mom and mom-to-be friends, but they also make me take a really close look at my own behavior. It kills me when I'm a bad friend to someone, or can't be as good a friend as I'd like. I hate it, but I also am realizing I have to take care of myself first and foremost. Sometimes that means just resting at home cause I have a headache, or not running around like an absolute maniac.

It means going to see Failure to Launch with one of the few people I know who wants to see it, who just happens to be one of my favorite people. I love crazy nights but I also love just hanging with people one on one, sometimes too many overwhelm me. But really, my point was that I don't fake it. When I don't like someone, they probably know - or, at least, everyone else I know does. But the good thing is, there are few people I really don't like. I can probably count them on one hand, and it's always personal. I just can't work up that energy for people I don't know and never will, and I also know, were the tables turned, I'd hate people doing that to me. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I'm loud and aggressive and in your face with my enthusiasm, but for the people who like that, we just click. It's so instantaneous I don't even know it's happening. I love that though, and for me it's what makes this city so alive. But I can also be friends with people, in some ways even more intensely, who aren't here. I can try to be a better, a bigger, person than I was, to, if not forget, get over, so I can reap those rewards, and in the process spend hours at night on google chat. No point really, just that were it not for my friends, new and old and from all over the place, I would be very lonely indeed.

Go Lynn Harris!

Yay! The lovely Lynn Harris told me about this last night and now it's official so we can all cheer her on. She is a fabulous writer and very friendly, generous, and if you ever need a quote about breakups, she's the go-to girl. Maybe by the time it's out I'll have read her first book (oops) which I really want to but just haven't gotten to it yet, Miss Media. Also, reading Publisher's Marketplace is my new get-writing therapy. Though really, I should be plugging away on my proposal if I really want a deal. I know that, but somehow, browsing the web and checking email is more fun. This weekend, though, I'm pounding the keyboard until I'm caught up.

Lynn Harris's DEATH BY CHICK LIT, following a freelance writer as she navigates the cut-throat world of commercial women's publishing, to Kate Seaver at Berkley,
by Paula Balzer at Sarah Lazin Books (NA).

Lusty Lady, "Meet the Boobiesexuals"

Meet the Boobiesexuals
Gay men and straight women lust after bulging breasts too

Not sure if the girl who's cleavage is shown in the hot cleavage photo wants to out herself The accompanying photo is of my friend Nichelle, who's very proud of her boobies, and even runs a Flickr group, The Beautiful Divide, devoted to cleavage. And it should be The World Famous *BOB* and later *BOB* which is how I turned it in - hopefully it'll be correct in the actual paper. Visit her website for more info.

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Don't miss this party (I have an excuse)

The Girl From Ipanema
Originally uploaded by candiedyams.
I will be on the beach in Puerto Rico, otherwise I'd SO be there! Happy birthday in advance Alizinha

Celebrate Allison's birthday, spring, and all things Brazilian on
Saturday, April 1. (No Fooling!)
The Brazilian Muse Spring Party
April 1, 2006
Lava Gina
116 Avenue C
with DJ Greg Caz

Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes

Another one I co-edited coming out in July, here's the publisher's blurb and final TOC:

Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes

Delight in that delicious touch of steely stilettos...delicate motorcycle boots...sweaty size twelves. Whether it's the gentle massage of a foot rub, the suckling of tempting toes, or a very private pedicure, this naughty collection of fetish erotica has no trouble putting its best foot forward. Both risky and risque, Secret Soles will make more than an imprint on your desires.

Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce

Discovering the Shoe Slut Within, by Audacia Ray
To Soothe the Savaged Feet, by Cynderella
Hot Foot'in, by T. Hitman
Bastinado, by Teresa Noelle Roberts
Magic, by Donna George Storey
Black Motorcycle Boots, by Shane Allison
How I Got My Wings, by Jean Roberta
Spykes, by Stan Kent
After the Coda, by Debra Hyde
Footing the Bill, by N.T. Morley
Size 12s and Longing, by Simon Sheppard
Dirty Boots, by Elizabeth Dunn
These Feet, by M. Christian
A Pedicure Money Can't Buy, by Ben Winters
Hooked, by Diane Thibault
Worship at His Feet, by Bob Condron
Stella and the Silver Stilletos, by Tenille Brown
Sister Teresa's Bondage Ballet Shoes, by Lucretia
Can I Help You? by Maddy Stuart
Skate Shop, by Joel A. Nichols
That's Why You Wear Fuckshoes, by Violetta Cutrero
True Love, Says the Cartopedist, by Steve Berman
The Shoe Store, by Eva Hore
Toe Job, by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Tomboy Blues, by Jason Rubis
Between the Toes, by Tara Alton
Cordy, by Michael Rhodes
A Very Personalized Fitting, by Teresa Joseph
Easy Steps to a Perfect Pedicure, by Jonathan W. Harnisch
Eat My Toes, Sit on My Foot! by Jay Starre
A Sensitive Sole, by Andrea Dale

As The Washingtonienne gets fictionalized, HBO seeks sexual reality

"'Sex' My Be New Reality for HBO"

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - HBO may revisit ``Sex and the City,'' only this time it is the real thing.

The premium cable channel is finalizing a deal for an unscripted comedy pilot described as ``an attempt to capture the vivacity, sexuality and friendship of women in a big city under the banner of a reality show,'' sources said. It comes from ``Sex and the City'' co-producer and writer Amy Harris.

Breasts - the movie

Based on the book of the same name. And my next Lusty Lady column is also about boobs!

"Breasts" review: 22 Topless Women Talk About Their Boobs (via We Talk Sex Blog)

The film features the remarks of a model, a writer, two mother-daughter sets, a morbidly obese comedienne, an 11 year-old in a training bra, an 84 year-old with a double mastectomy, another breast cancer survivor with just a single scar, a breast reduction, a couple of topless dancers with implants, and a formerly flat-chested woman who regrets going from a 28AA to a 34C, because of how silicone has compromised her health. Furthermore, she explains that she feels foolish for having undergone the procedure, since she would be left concave, if she now had the plastic bags removed.

Need to interview men who've dated older women

Thanks to everyone who responded about my older women/younger men article - found lots of great women but I need one or two guys who've dated older women to get some quotes from too, if that's you or you know of someone, please email me at rachelkb at and of course you can be anonymous. Thanks!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Good to know

Playgirl is having a party for their comedy issue tonight (Friday) at Happy Ending, free vodka 8-10, rsvp to or you won't get in

Blogger babes get TV deals by Mandy Stadtmiller, herself a blogger babe

Custom Erotica Source's blog recommendations

Glee magazine tells you whether you should be having sex or not

But what if we want to be hyper-sexualized?

So, The Harvard Crimson examined Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs and concludes with this circular bit of illogic so pervasive in today's know-it-all feminism:

Levy makes a point that all girls at this university need to consider—that female liberation should mean freedom to do as we please, not to be as hyper-sexualized as possible.

I do think examining why cultural trends occur is important, but at the end of the day, you either want people to make decisions for themselves or you don't. Part of accepting the responsibility of freedom, autonomy and maturity is allowing women, and men, to make both "good" and "bad" choices for themselves. I could do without the judgment of those choices, but okay, fine, judge them-but how on earth can you say "liberation" means "freedom to do as we please" and then immediately afterward decry some of the things that please some women? It's a catch-22 that to me negates the very meaning of feminism as I know it. Part of why I harp and harp on this is that I have witnessed such a shift in my thinking and understanding of my own sexuality through the explorations I've gone through, and I know many other women have as well. When I get emails from people saying I'm "brave" for scribbling some words into my computer, it often doesn't compute, but I forget that it may seem brave to some people. To me, it's just writing, it's sortof what I do, what I've always done, but perhaps now for a wider audience. Which is not to say that's everyone's cup of tea-of course it's not.

The problem I see is when someone then takes it upon themselves to castigate me, or Jessica Cutler, or Jenna Jameson, or Christie Hefner, Judith Regan, Paris Hilton, etc. We are not ruining your sex life. We are not telling you how to behave. We are not saying you should not run for President. What I think this whole wave of sexually open, out-there, tell-it-like-it-us women are doing is freeing themselves from the good girl/bad girl dichotomy. We're saying that we know we'll be judged by our pussies not matter what the fuck else we do, so why not talk about sex? And really, why not? Women go from saints to sluts in seconds, the minute we piss anyone off, the minute anything goes wrong you're just a whore anyway, so why not go all out and claim the sex you're having anyway? Because I think what these people's issue with the openness around sex is not the doing, but the talking. The showing. The claiming. The ownership. The bravada. The unashaamedness. Everyone who wants to harken back to the glorious 1950's (um, hello, era of BETTIE PAGE!) is looking to shove all of that under the rug, so to speak. They openly admit that people did all the same things we do now (in fact, Pornified opens with just such a reminiscence), but the problem now is that we won't shut our big fat mouths.

I just do not believe we are living in a "monoculture of eroticism." I mean, I look at Fleshbot and TGP and see sites devoted to naked girls in the snow and girls with colds! There is a type of porn for every fetish, but I don't even think that's the answer-I am not trying to push purchases on people in exploring their sexuality. But by saying there's a monoculture, I in fact think these critics are pushing for a monoculture. There's a huge, flourishing burlesque revival going on, where girls who are certainly not part of this monoculture are shaking their tits and asses and wanting that attention as much as any Girl Gone Wild. Yes, it's a different vibe, but is the impulse not somewhat the same?

And to defend my own job for a moment, in my magazine, we explore ALL KINDS of fetishes and fantasies. It is in no way a freaking monoculture, in fact, the very opposite. I have learned so much about the various forms human sexuality takes and am always fascinated to learn about more. I think it's a very, very narrow view of the world and sex and bodies and fantasies to see it the way she does. I feel that SEXUAL FREEDOM can only happen when we are not trying to be liberated from each other, but when we learn to encompass those whose sexualities are in the minority, who are looking to claim their place in the sexual arena, anad if they don't see themselves reflected, they create their own smut reflecting their desires. But "freedom" is not a word that means "freedom to fuck the way I want you to" - at least, it shouldn't be. Just as free speech does not mean only speech you agree with, sexual freedom, true freedom, cannot mean the freedom to only engage in nice, safe, perfect, pretty, simple, easy, 100% equal, nothing tying it to the real world sex. Because in real life, sex is messy and complicated and we work things out through sex that may have to do with all sorts of things other than direct physical arousal. It's about our brains and our bodies, about the convergence of the two, and if for some people that means stripping and fucking on film and blogging and being slutty and wild and whatever else these scolds disapprove of, then so be it. I would rather renounce being a feminist and stand in favor of sexual freedom than have to be some toe-the-line feminist constantly asking the sex police if the way I want to fuck is okay.

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Speaking of baby and kid books

From Publishers Marketplace

Blair Underwood's untitled children's book about the first haircut, to Kelli Martin at Hyperion Children's, by Lydia Wills at Paradigm (world).

Time contributor and author of PORNIFIED and THE STARTER MARRIAGE Pamela Paul's THE BETTER OFF BABY, a look at the parenting business, to Robin Dennis at Times Books, by Lydia Wills at Paradigm (world).

Speaking of Pamela Paul, didn't she basically already write this book?

Perverts' Saloon April 3rd

I'll be in Puerto Rico, otherwise I'd be there.

See Viviane's Sex Carnival for more details

Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica

Gets a plug over at Queer Writers

Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica

Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica

Here's the TOC and publisher blurbage, official release date is April 30th. (FYI, it says "fucks" in the book, cause I have a dirty mouth/mind like that)

An erotic collection filled with fierce, fabulous, passionate, intelligent women who seek out what they want even if they often have to go undercover

From editor Rachel Kramer Bussel: “I’m a femme who likes other femmes, dates other femmes, loves other femmes, and f***s other femmes. Femmes who date femmes occupy a unique place, half in and half out of the lesbian world; we can bond with our straight sisters over the makeup counter, ask strangers to tell us if something matches, and be taken for straight on sight. I’ve always been drawn to glamorous, decadent, decked-out women, curvy lovelies with seductive smiles. I think femmes have a universal allure, a siren call that can catch almost anyone off guard. I wanted to create a book filled with women like me, in some ways—women who go after fellow femmes, who have been on both ends of the femme pleasure ride—and some who are not like me, who’d surprise me, who’d show me varied, often surprising ways of being a femme who’s into other femmes, because contrary to popular belief, there’s more than one way to be that kind of girl.

“Mostly, I wanted to reflect the varied, rich realities of femme-on-femme desire, ones far removed from the ’girl-girl’ porn images so clearly implanted in the public psyche. I wanted to see and read hot, authentic, girlie-girl sex that confounded the stereotypes of both butch/femme and femme/femme. And I wanted to do so in a way that would not detract from butches, androgynous women, bois, transmen and transwomen, and any number of queer folks who are not femme-identified, because this book is, above all, a celebration and an exploration.”

Some of the stories and women you’ll encounter in Glamour Girls:
a wonderfully complex sexual trio, where jealousy, lust, and history, not to mention striptease, combine in an explosive way in Jen Collins’ “The G String”
a girl is inducted into her sexuality by her father’s mistress in Lori Selke’s “Diary of a Lost Child, Part I”
myths about bisexuality, sex work, and porn are skewered in Khadijah Caturani’s “Schooled by a Straight Girl”
“Lap Dance Lust,” by editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, explores the visceral erotic power of those who use their flirtation skills and their bodies to earn a living.
“Zenda,” by Anna South, is a complex, sexy, and nuanced look at the power dynamics between a college professor and her student, each one trying to outguess the other and figure out their erotic quirks
With these stories plus 21 more tales of femme/femme attraction and explicit, unfettered sex, Glamour Girls is more than just a collection of truly hot erotica—it’s a celebration and exploration of sameness and difference, of the fact that women who may look alike may or may not think, act, and desire alike, about looking beyond the surface, and about attractions that run deeper than lipliner.

Glamour Girls is much more than a simple girl + girl formula, or something we’re programmed to do by watching Madonna kiss Britney and Christina. What makes this collection truly special is that the contributing authors respect and value femmeness in their portraits of bold femme women who desire other femmes, and explore the glorious confusion and arousal that their desires bring them. Glamour Girls is sexy and sensual while it explores issues of bisexuality, burgeoning desire, gender roles, appearance, and power—all within an erotic context. It gives voice to femme-loving femmes and acknowledges their well-deserved place within the queer community, showing that femme/femme desire is far more than a male-authored fantasy—it is an authentically lesbian experience.


“Rachel Kramer Bussel has scored again with this TERRIFIC COLLECTION OF TRULY EROTIC LESBIAN SEX STORIES. Glamour Girls is an original concept whose time has definitely come: femme girls who seriously get off on sex with other femme girls—all with no apologies and no excuses. This collection is not only a satisfying read for the seasoned connoisseur of sex with feminine women, but it's also an excellent intro to girl/girl sex for the many bi-curious women out there.”

Marilyn Jaye Lewis, Author of Lust: Bisexual Erotica; Editor of Stirring Up a Storm; Founder of the Erotic Authors Association

“Not recognizable as dykes on the street, the heroines of the twenty-six stories in this anthology combine glamour with chutzpah and creativity in ways that are profoundly queer, unconventional but convincing. THIS BOOK SEEMS LIKELY TO BECOME A CLASSIC, and not only in the field of sexual fantasy. It would be a useful contribution to the study of gender, and the quality of the writing is only matched by the new light it casts on those who were defined in the 1970s as 'women-identified women.' These stories show female bonding in various sexual forms, and it does not look like a patriarchal agenda.”

Jean Roberta, Erotic Writer; Instructor, Department of English, University of Regina

“OFTEN THOUGHTFUL, FREQUENTLY DELIGHTFUL. . . . As Rachel Kramer Bussel points out in the thoughtful and engaging introduction, some consider a double-dose of sensual femininity to be nothing more than 'air on air.' She and 25 other writers unapologetically, articulately, and erotically disagree. Whether a nervous novice removing another woman's clothing for the first time or a confident daughter of Sappho urgently pressing her painted lips against those of another, the femmes in this collection prove that they and their passion are more than 'air on air.'”

Theresa "Darklady" Reed, Erotic Writer

Editor’s Foreword (Judith P. Stelboum)


1. If You Can Make It There, You Can Make It Anywhere (A. J. Stone)
2. Scary Date (Trish Kelly)
3. Diary of a Lost Girl, Part I (Lori Selke)
4. Poseidon’s Paradise (Kiki Veronika)
5. The Dressing Room (Tara Alton)
6. Zenda (Anna South)
7. Schooled by a Straight Girl (Khadijah Caturani)
8. Dressing Desire (Tenille Brown)
9. Looking, Really Looking, At a Painting (Jessica Melusine)
10. Betty Came (M. Christian)
11. Cinderella’s Shoes (Kate Dominic)
12. Practice Makes Perfect (Joe Bishop)
13. The Crush Party (Michelle C.)
14. The G-String (Jen Collins)
15. Action (Ana Slutsky Peril)
16. The Game (Alison Tyler)
17. Lap Dance Lust (Rachel Kramer Bussel)
18. The Manicure (Nell Carberry)
19. Gumshoe in a Cocktail Dress (Shelley Rafferty)
20. Trash Talkin’ (R. Gay)
21. Alicia (Dahila Schweitzer)
22. Two Girls in a Basement (Cheryl B.)
23. Cup Cake (Tanya Turner)
24. Sugar (Diana Cage)
25. Power Sharing (Tania Britton)
26. Mercy’s Pocket (Tulsa Brown)

May 17th In The Flesh details

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

In May, celebrate springs with an assortment of New York’s finest authors, from the fiction of Ron Bass, to CAKE co-founder Emily Scarlet Kramer, “Ivy League Homegirl” Sofia Quintero (aka Black Artemis), Edges: O Israel, O Palestine author Leora Skolkin-Smith, and the racy words of Polly Frost who wrote Vivid Girl Tawny Roberts’s novel Private Access, along with new work by host Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include GLBT stories, porn star night, and erotic memoirs.

Ron Bass recently read in the Swift Ink reading series at Swift Hibernian Tavern. His short story The Varieties of Orgasmic Experience and his interview with the writer/director Dan Roentsch have been published on the Erotic Authors Association website. He is currently working on To My Twenty-Fifth Century Biographers, a novel about the life and times of the controversial Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Brockden ("Bronc") White.

Polly Frost's short story collection Visions of Ecstasy will be published next year by Tor. She also recently collaborated with the artist Jess Fink on the "Head 14" anthology of graphic stories for Eros Comix, which will be out in February. She also wrote the Vivid Girls Tawny Roberts novel Private Access, which has just been published. With her husband, Ray Sawhill, Polly co-writes the ongoing erotic soap opera, "Sex Scenes," that's read by actors in monthly performances at Cornelia Street Cafe and other venues. In addition to her erotica, Polly has written on movies, books, food and music, and her humor pieces were published in the New Yorker.

Emily Scarlet Kramer is the co-founder of CAKE, an entertainment company dedicated to providing education and information about female sexual culture, and the co-author of A Piece of CAKE: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure. She received her B.A. in Women and Gender Studies from Columbia University and has spent the last five years writing about female sexuality and actively educating women on the subject.

Self-proclaimed "Ivy League homegirl," Sofia Quintero was born and raised in a Puerto Rican-Dominican family in the Bronx where she still resides. She is the author of the "chica lit" novel Divas Don’t Yield and also pens hip hop fiction under the pseudonym Black Artemis. She co-founded the nonprofit Chica Luna Productions ( as well as Sister Outsider Entertainment ( Sofia's first erotic novella will appear in an anthology of Latina authors to be published by Atria/Simon & Schuster in 2007.

Leora Skolkin-Smith’s novel Edges: O Israel, O Palestine, was selected by Grace Paley for Glad Day Books. Also nominated for this years 2006 PEN/Hemingway Award by Grace Paley, Edges is Skolkin-Smith’s first published full-length novel. Born in Manhattan in 1952, Leora spent her childhood between New York and Israel, traveling with her family to her mother's birthplace in old Jerusalem every three years.

Check out SPIN's new sex advice columnist

Joanna Angel
Originally uploaded by morbidthoughts.
That's right, Joanna Angel is going to be SPIN magazine's new sex columnist! She'll be doling out advice to the needy.

Photo by morbidthoughts

(this photo by The Lovely Brenda - see (click on columns) for more info - right now it's just this ad up though

I want this girl's cupcakes

Justine Joli
Originally uploaded by morbidthoughts.
And yes, I mean that in more ways than one - Ms. Justine Joli photo by morbidthoughts


Internet libel, again

But we'll surely be seeing more cases like this one about Tucker Max and Miss Vermont, and Steinbuch v. Cutler and such as blogging gets more popular.

"Internet libel: what’s fair game to publish in YOUR blog?" by Sandi Spino, The Setonian

My favorite part (and which I think makes total sense):

Callan explained truth is the ultimate defense in a libel case such as the one between Max and Johnson.

No matter how horrible or destructive published material may be to a person, it is no grounds for a lawsuit if it is true, Callan said.

I see no reason why anyone should not be able to write about things that actually happened. Yes, the truth may hurt (ahem, I am so restraining myself from using the person in question's initials, but, yes, "I'm not a bad person"), but that's why I think that if you don't like what someone may write about you, maybe you should conduct yourself in a manner you'd want to be written about. I am not perfect by any means and fuck up all the time, but I do try to treat people well and fairly. I can't control what people say or write about me, and I don't try to - but I do think part of being an adult is being able to accept that everyone will have an opinion, and some of us may write about them, and it's perfectly within our First Amendment rights to do so. If these types of cases wind up succeeding, I pity the future of literature, memoir, and personal blogging. Not to mention sex columns.

A very cool-looking cupcake

For more cool-looking cupcakes (and interviews, news, haiku and more), check out the cupcake blog I co-run, Cupcakes Take the Cake.

Also check out custom bakers (they deliver!!) Ivy Bakery (whose owner we're interviewing soon at CTTC):

Rachel Sklar goes bigtime

Rachel Sklar, formerly of FishbowlNY and now of the blog Tomatoes Are Delicious, just sold a book (via Publisher's Marketplace:

Huffington Post contributor (and former Fishbowl blogger) Rachel Sklar's JEW-ISH, a guide to understanding the difference between a shiksa and a latke, and why there are so many ways to spell Chanukah, pitched as something like AMERICA: THE BOOK, except about Jews, and what it takes to be a good one, or a good-ish one (now go call your mother!), to Matthew Benjamin at Collins, by Kate Lee at ICM (world English).

She's also blogging about Senator Bill Napoli and abortion at The Huffington Post.

See also: My Gothamist interview with Rachel Sklar (because really, who haven't I interviewed for Gothamist?)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Dreaming of marshmallows

I'm a little sickly, not quite sure what's wrong, have just been knocked out for the 2nd half of the day, came home from work early and crashed, slept for 6 hours and still feel tired. And cold - my apartment is way too cold but luckily I have blankets to bury myself under.

So I think we need to retire the phrase "it's not you, it's them" or any variation thereof, because whenever people say that to me, well, it doesn't really make me feel any better. So what if it's "them," it's still them picking someone else over me, and I don't see how that's ever gonna feel good.

But enough of that - Thursday I get to eat cupcakes and chat with some of my favorite writer chicas which I desperately need. And write dirty stories about marshmallows - I'm thinking s'mores or at least a campfire. Hot, gooey marshmallows...yum.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

All baby books, all the time

Okay, not all the time, but this week...

What Do You Do All Day?

What Do You Do All Day?

Yes, when I'm not writing about spanking or people's prudish hypocrisy, or cupcakes, I am onto my other favorite topic of late: babies. You know, how I want one. So when I met Amy Scheibe at a party last week (and drooled over her baby videos - not literally, don't worry), it was great because I'd already taken her book What Do You Do All Day? out of the library and thankfully found it relatively easily and devoured it. Seriously, it was so funny and fast-paced and just gut-honest about having kids.

I just wrote her an email saying “Write another one!” It was much better than Allison Pearson’s book imo, and did make me cry a tiny bit but just told a really straightup story about a middle-aged mom facing the choices she’s made, the trials and the joys of motherhood and marriage, and the bullshit of it, the competitive mommies and schools and pressures, but she does so in a very human way. It’s stuff I’ve heard and read about (and maybe, someday, will experience myself!) but in a new take on it. I recommend this book to moms and mom wannabes and anyone just looking for a quick, entertaining novel. Also, there was a character who shares the name of one of my best friends.

Here’s a very brief glimpse into the book:

Is my darling thirteen-month-old sleeping through the night? Bite me. It seems that about the same time he does fall into a full sleep, Georgia finishes her nightly trek across the Arabian desert, and though she has a four full sippy cups surrounding her bed, she’s decided that the faucet in my bathroom, which she can’t quite reach, is the only one that makes the water cold enough to extinguish her parch.

Then, yesterday I got two books in the mail on a similar theme written two women in the entertainment industry in LA, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor and Brett Paesel, who I would imagine know each other though I don't know for sure. I started Sippy Cups and am liking it so far. Having just read some Jenny McCarthy books, a lot of it is the same observations in different formats (not exactly the same, but close), but still, I like reading it - perhaps because I am childless for the moment.

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

Mommies Who Drink

Mommies Who Drink



Yes, I'm a dork. I mean, I never named my calculator (jk babe!) like some people I know, but I've already said how utterly dorky I was and continue to be.

So even a letter to the editor of the Voice can make me super happy.

Sexy reminiscence

I love the article "Hot Sex With a Porn Director" [Lusty Lady, March 15–21] by Rachel Kramer Bussel. I just got back from two weeks in Europe with my girlfriend and we had some of the hottest sex we've ever had. Bussel's article reminds me of the great sex that we just finished enjoying. Thanks for bringing me right back to a great time. I love Bussel's writing.

Eddy Santilli

Warwick, Rhode Island


I want/need this book so badly:



I will get it, but I will NOT take it on vacation with me! (via Felicia Sullivan

Query Roulette


A skill-building workshop for writers at the query stage

Writers are invited to bring their cover letters, synopses (1000
words or less please) and first page of a novel or narrative.

Agents will review one item per session and offer insights into what
gets an agent’s attention, what works and what doesn’t. Each session
is ten minutes. Writers can meet with multiple agents. No pitching
required or expected: just seeking and getting advice.

Confirmed agents include:

Loretta Barrett, Loretta Barrett Books
Jennifer Lyons, Lyons & Pande
Jenny Bent, Trident Media
Stephany Evans, Imprint Agency

Paige Wheeler, Folio Literary Management
Kate Epstein, Epstein Literary Agency
Byrd Leavell, Waxman Literary Agency
Al Longden, Rights Unlimited

Janet Rosen, Sheree Bykofsky Agency
Jessica Regal, Jean V. Naggar Literary Agency
Regina Brooks, Serendipity Literary Agency

This is a great opportunity to find out what’s wrong with the query
you’ve been sending
or catch problems before you start sending it.

Thursday, April 20, 2006
6:30pm -8:30pm

Small Press Center
20 West 44th Street

Reservations by April 10, 2006 are required.
Email your name and number of desired sessions to:
wnba-events @

Least expensive: one ten minute session: $30
Better value: three ten minute sessions: $60

Best deal: ten ten minutes sessions: $125

10% discount for current members of WNBA.