Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Birth Control Rally on Sunday

Although before we're asking for all this other stuff (which I think is important too, hence this post), could we get freaking Plan B into drugstores? Like it's great in theory, but not so helpful if it's not actually available.

From Morning After Pill Conspiracy

*Rally for Birth Control*

Sat., Nov 4th, 1pm, Union Square, Southside on Steps

Join the Morning-After Pill Conspiracy Coalition to protest the Bush Administration's anti-birth control agenda. Rally will include a speak-out, street theater & free condoms. Bring your friends- anyone who cares about women's reproductive freedom.

Feminist organizing broke through the FDA's three year stall on the Morning-After Pill… but we have more to fight for. The FDA imposed an age restriction of 18 and up and is forcing the pill "behind-the-counter" where pharmacists will control it. The White House's anti-birth control agenda continues to dictate the FDA's decisions.

If we want to move forward again, it's time for us to fight like we mean it, fight for what we stand for- NO government interference and restrictions on birth control and abortion. These are attacks on a woman's right to control our bodies and our lives. Feminists can't wait any longer- let's build on this initial victory on the Morning-After Pill and take it all the way!

* NO Age Limit on the Morning-After Pill
* NO Carding for Birth Control
* Plan B should be available at corner stores and gas stations
* All pharmacists must do their jobs and dispense birth control to women
* Repeal restrictions on abortion


Saturday, November 4th at 1pm
Union Square, Southside Steps. 14th Street between Broadway & University Place.
Take the 4, 5, 6, L, N, Q, R, or W to 14th Street/Union Square.

For More Info:,, 917-842-5306. Please email us or give us a call if you would like to help organize for the action.

Background Info:

The Morning-After Pill Conspiracy is a coalition of feminist organizations leading the grassroots movement for full over-the-counter access to the Morning-After Pill. Our name is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that under the prescription requirement, Plan B is so hard to get that women have to conspire just to gain access— saving up prescriptions and sharing them with friends. Our campaign uses speak-outs and civil disobedience to highlight the injustice of the prescription requirement and to show that women are the real experts on why we need unrestricted access. New York based groups in the coalition include the Women's Liberation Birth Control Project and Redstockings Allies & Veterans.



Dr. Sketchy on Metafilter (also the super sexy coloring book goes into pre-order mode tomorrow)

Robert Steinbuch is allowed to add Ana Marie Cox as a defendant in his lawsuit against Jessica Cutler, but with reservations (via Eric Goldman)

Paris Hilton would rather eat than have sex (and once again I must defend Paris - haven't all of us felt this way at some point? I think this really needs some qualification. I mean, are we talking Canteen Mac and Cheese over some really lackluster two-minute humping? Or microwave popcorn vs. up-against-the-wall-with-your-clothes-on fucking? I could go on.)

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I support Miriam

I'm not gonna pretend to be unbiased about this, because anyone who's been reading for any length of time knows that I am a huge supporter, fan and friend of Columbia Spectator sex columnist Miriam Datskovsky. In the little over a year I've known her, she's become my total ally in this wacky business called sex writing, and beyond that, an extremely good friend. But when I saw the blog Fire Miriam yesterday, before I'd even been alerted to the Bwog posting complete with over 80 comments about it, I was upset. Because the truth is, I don't know if any of us could stand up to that kind of scrutiny. It is the Internet and I believe in free speech, so I'm not suggesting anyone shouldn't post whatever the fuck they want. My immediate thought was that I know I have plenty of haters out there, and what if someone did a line-by-line on every one of my columns (so far I think only the "Fucking and Feminism" one has warranted that, and while part of that, like the talk of my saggy boobs, sucked, I learned a hell of a lot. Can't say I loved it on a personal level but as a writer, you can only control your own words. How they're interpreted is out of your hands, though you can learn from what people say about it and decide how to proceed in the future, which I've done.) I'm sure they don't all stand up to such strict scrutiny, and that's okay.

But (and of course there's a but), I feel the same way about anyone who devotes so much time to taking someone else down, myself included, that the more angry you get about someone else's writings, the more you obsess over them, the more it eats away at you. The more they start to invade your head, the more the attempt to discredit them and direct your hate and anger at them boomerangs back to you. That part has nothing to do with Miriam, and is all me speaking to my former self.

I've been in places where someone's writing or just very being has made me so angry I wanted to scream. I've spent hours googling, complaining, attacking, berating, hating, and at the end of the day, I had to look at myself in the mirror and figure out what it was about them that got under my skin. I don't get it so much (yet), but I hear talk about my very good friends. Why did she get a book deal? Who'd they fuck? He's a crappy writer/artist/whatever. Oh, her? I've heard she's a bitch. Hang out in the New York media scene long enough and it's enough to make you want to drown yourself in dirty martinis. It's funny, too, because then those very same people fret about every fucking comment ever made about them. That's the beauty and the misery of the Internet, and I think the lesson to any of us is to try not to be saints, but to live our lives in ways we can be proud of. In ways we can stand up and say, "You know what? You're totally welcome to disagree with me, but I stand by my actions and decisions." And being able to admit when you're wrong is a good one too. The more they go out of their anonymous way to disparage her and attack her writing, the less it looks like an actual critique and more like a vendetta. And I think this is the biggest copout they could bring to the table:

This isn't really about Miriam. It's about sex. Fire Miriam is just a cute name that people could remember.

All this to say that I'm not going to jump into the Bwog comments or Fire Miriam, which basically in its post today not-so-backhandedly disparaged my Gothamist interview with Miriam. They go on to acknowledge that Gothamist is indeed a blog. I know I didn't go to journalism school, but I've conducted a hell of a lot of Q&As, and quite often the ones with people I know personally are some of the best interviews I've done, because I bring that personal insight into the Q&A. Miriam's also done other media interviews with people who found her through her Spec column.

As for the Bwog on her "vanity website," it's actually called a website. Lots of writers have them. I think it's pretty much an essential tool in this day and age for any writer. So as I said to Miriam last night, just keep on doing what you're doing. Take the high road.

As for the Fire Miriam bloggers, I think constructive criticism is totally valid. As a writer, I totally welcome it. But I don't really think what they're doing is all that constructive. But it's all about your opinion, and, as far as I know, opinions, like the ones expressed by Sex and the Ivy, can't be "false." So everyone is welcome to theirs, but what I'm going to urge readers of this blog to do is read Miriam's columns for yourself and then form your own opinion. I know a lot of you already have, and I hope you will do so with an open mind. For the record, I don't agree with every single thing she's ever written; I probably don't agree 100% with every single thing anyone's ever written. I will be watching this unfold but on some level, I already know what I think about her column and her role as the Opinion Editor of the paper and I doubt they're going to change.

My exhibitionistic streak

Check out my thoughts on voyeurism and exhibitionism, and some topless (and cut-out heart panty) photos of me at Eros-Zine, where you can also read part 1 of my story from Caught Looking called "Sharing the Perfect Cock." Part 2 coming soon to Eros Zine, or come see me read with Stan Kent, Thomas S. Roche, and Simon Sheppard this Saturday, November 4th at 2 pm at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco.

I am trying to approximate my most materialistic moments by shopping at the Galleria, after a lovely lunch at Toast. Just bought really hot brown shoes with an appropriately high enough heel and am at the Apple Store. Yes, this is what I do when I come to Southern California, but, as I keep reminding myself, it's my vacation, not anyone else's.

Monday, October 30, 2006


My friend Miriam Datskovsky has a new column called "Trick or Treat?" in today's Columbia Spectator about one of my favorite topics, spanking, and she quotes me (several times, but here's my favorite one):

"Spanking can be incredibly emotionally intense, sometimes even more so than sex," she says. "For the spank-ee, you're offering your ass and yourself in this very vulnerable position, and you're trusting the other person to hurt you but also take care of you."

Hmmm...spanking. Speaking of which, I think on Saturday at Good Vibrations (where we are reading from Caught Looking at 2 pm!), I am going to buy a paddle I've long coveted, if they have it. Because when I get back home I think I am going to need some pre-birthday spankings. Or just regular spankings.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Dixie Chicks

Dixie Chicks Cover
Originally uploaded by fboosman.
"'Shut Up and Sing: free speech in America," Aspen Times

"The reaction was so extreme and so rapid, names being called and radio stations refusing to play their music," said Peck, the daughter of actor Gregory Peck, who makes her directing debut with "Shut Up and Sing." "It did have a lot of significance for the state of free speech in our country."

"Shut Up and Sing" offers various sides of the argument. The film includes the views of country radio DJs who pulled the Dixie Chicks from their playlists, as well as the voices of fans on both sides of the issue. The film also makes available, for the first time, footage of the actual statement that sparked this cultural skirmish.

Dixie Chicks on 60 MInutes, May 14, 2006

"And ultimately every time I start getting wrapped up in thinking about it, it comes back to what I said. I said that I don't like the president is from my state," says Natalie Maines.

She readily admits she said she was ashamed the president is from her home state and acknowledges her remarks were an insult.

"Oh, it was definitely meant as…an insult. But I'm just saying ultimately what I said is that I'm ashamed that he's from my state. I think that that is stupid," Maines says laughing.

Asked if she is sorry about her London comments, Maines says no. "Sorry about what? Sorry about what? Sorry about not wanting to go to war? And not wanting people to die?"

"You'd do it again?" Kroft asked.

"No. Yeah, I've said so much worse than that, I'm telling you," she replied, laughing.

About the only thing that has changed is that nearly 70 percent of the American public now agrees with her, at least to some extent. The question is whether that will be enough for the Dixie Chicks to resurrect their career...

t’s no surprise that the backlash is still there, given the demographics of country music — generally speaking, country's core audience resides in states where support for President Bush and the war is the strongest. So why risk insulting an audience that gave you fame and fortune in the first place?

"I think I know where your question's leading and it just goes back to the answer that we don't make decisions based on that. We don't go, 'OK, our fans are in the red states.' So I'm gonna play a red, white and blue guitar and put on my I Love Bush T-shirt and … we're not like that because we're not politicians. We're musicians," says Maines.

Also: Dixie Chicks ad rejected by NBC, CW

LAist has a YouTube clip of the Dixie Chicks on Hardball


I am already infinitely more relaxed than I was in New York. LA is sunny and ridiculous and lovely. So far I've caught up on almost the whole 2nd season of Weeds, but fell asleep during the last episode, but it's SO GOOD. I got my friend hooked on it. We went to a very LA party full of scantily clad girls in slutty Halloween costumes, which I shall be writing about a bit more soon, hosted by Jesse Capelli. Am chilling at my uncle's house catching up on family gossip and being thankful not to have to get up in the morning. Gotta wrap up my virginity follow up column, for which I've gotten some awesome, awesome interviews that make me wish I had twice as much space, but it feels good to be excited about writing again, I missed that. Am gonna sample a cupcake from Sprinkles tomorrow and try to convince my cousin to go see Shut Up & Sing with me, that's about it.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

off to the city of angels

It's been a long day and night, all blurred together, much like last night where drunken revelers decided to howl outside the window all night so sleep became more of a fuzzy utopian concept than something I actually did. I'm so emotionally drained I'm almost numb, but I'm also really happy and hopeful even as I set out into the pouring rain for LaGuardia. At the very last minute (just my style), I found my missing checkbook so can mail in my rent. My place is still a colossal disaster but I did try to clear some paths. I have a suitcase stuffed to the brim with clothes that may or may not be weather appropriate, as I haven't checked the weather in LA or SF, and way more books than I can possibly read but want to cart along anyway. Two are even related to LA - Hollywoodland by Jennifer Banash, and Literacy and Longing in L.A. by Jennifer Kaufman and Karen Mack. I've also got Grant Stoddard's Working Stiff, Gael Greene's Insatiable, Michael Musto's La Dolce Musto, a few YA novels, and an ingeniously evil book proposal. Plus notes and a bit of work but I'm kindof looking forward to even that, done at my leisure, not quite so frantically as I've been going recently.

I have so many fabulous people I want to see while I'm there - DCypher, Wendy Spero, Dave Naz, Kemp Powers, Cinnamon, and in SF, Violet Blue, Alison Tyler, Thomas Roche, Rachel Sarah, Samantha Wolov. I love how connected I am to all these fabulous artists and writers all over the place and am especially excited to meet the people I've only corresponded with. I'm trying to keep that in mind when I'm not tempted to feel sorry for myself because I'm actually feeling really strong and know I can take care of myself and make the right choices. Also, even though I haven't been in the mood for sweets at all, I have a slew of bakeries I know I need to document - Sprinkles, Leda's Bake Shop, Citizen Cupcake, Miette, Love at First Bite...will make a master list when I arrive.

Songs of the day: "Life is Sweet" by Natalie Merchant and "Things You Say" by Sleater-Kinney and "The Bridge" by Mary Lou Lord

When I get an iPod (which I am going to request from one of my parents for my birthday), perhaps these will be at the touch of a button, but for now, they're in my head.

Also, sign of the apocalypse? I am wearing pants. New ones! Making my total collection of pants up to...2. Don't even have a clue where jeans might live, but I kinda like my pants. I may try this again more often.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Corazon grande

I'm in no way ready for my trip, and I pretty much feel like I'm in no way ready for my life. On the other hand, once I step off the plane into the California sunshine, away from the freezing cold and noise and drama of New York, I think I'll be okay. So many people to see and cupcake bakeries to visit, but I cannot add any more stress. I know I want to see a lot of awesome people, but I love them all the more for understanding if I can't. The person I'm really going out to visit, my aunt, left the sweetest message that made my heart swell and almost made me cry. It's been that kind of week and as much as I'm supposed to be a writer, not only have I been dragging on deadlines and not pushing myself to finish things that are within reach, I realized that words are not always the answer. They can say a lot, but they can't say everything. And yet, and yet, they have to try. I have to try.

It's all about big hearts, or, more beautifully, corazones grandes. Perhaps my proudest possession and I think New York and my constant self-imposed criticism makes it easy to forget what it means to have a big heart. Of course it's the riskier proposition. Of course a big heart means a bigger bull's-eye, more ways to get it broken. But at the end of the day, it means the capacity to do and feel things that I wouldn't trade for 100 smaller hearts. I feel so freaking blessed lately and it's weird because stresses that would have normally sent me over the edge I just feel like I can handle, somehow. I feel solid and secure even when I want to or literally do curl up into a ball and cry. So I'm just throwing clothes into my bag and taking a luscious stack of books, like one that came in the mail today called Dork Whore (!) and hoping to get a little lost in the wackiness of my former home state. I sometimes forget that it's really as simple sometimes as knowing people are waiting to welcome you with open arms, people who don't want a thing from you beyond yourself. I say that as I come laden with presents, trying to find ways to be more than me, better than me, extra, added, bonus RKB, because it's still really hard to think that I'm enough, and this week has pushed all my buttons in that regard. I try to steer my mind toward the high road, not the petty one, because that's easy, and doesn't feel right, even if I were to emerge victorious. I'm really grateful for so much that I do have, and I don't mean materialistically at all. Honestly, most of my material possessions are a burden, save for a few treasured items. I look forward to major purging and all I want to have more of is words, thousands and thousands of them until I make a book. Okay, that's a lie, I have posessions I covet and people I covet but it's really things like self-worth and friendship and big hearts that I covet the most.

My interview with Amy Sedaris at

I interviewed Amy Sedaris about her new book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence for

Thursday, October 26, 2006

"Is Sex Necessary?"

"Is Sex Necessary?" Forbes (via Viviane's Sex Carnival)

Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. "Saving yourself" before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There's no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it's harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted disease.) ...

Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories--about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles.

While I found this an interesting article overall, I can't help but think that there are way more emotional components to sex that will affect this as well. They do talk about sex reducing depression but it's so much more complicated than just the physical act. Now, that's not what the article was looking at, but I don't really know if you can properly separate the two. And it's not really as simple a decision for most of us as "have sex" or "not have sex." For some people it is, but it's not for me and I imagine for most people, and I think that's where the lines get tricky. Most of us don't just want to "have sex" but to "have sex with" - either with a given person or a fantasy crush object or our partner or whoever. Yes, Michael Malice, I'm much more of a "prude" than some may believe. I say that jokingly cause he teases me about it, but while I'm as sex-positive as anyone else, I don't think that means having sex is always better than not having it, or that we can even agree on what "sex" or "having sex" really mean. I would imagine that most of this data is based on certain kinds of sex, and not others (and I don't believe "sex" necessarily equals "intercourse.") Still a worthwhile read though.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

my feminist ass, my real panties

my feminist ass, my real panties
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Levy suggests no alternative to the reign of raunch culture. She leaves readers with the impression that if women don't wake up, put on some real panties and cover up their cleavage, the advances of the feminist movement will go to pieces.

Just when I think the sexual shaming is over, I read something like this article, "Smart Girls in a Sexy World," which gives major space to Ariel Levy to castigate girls who like to dress like "Playboy Bunnies, sexy stewardesses and hot nurses" on Halloween.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Sheila Marikar for putting some much-needed perspective on Ariel Levy’s increasingly outdated and false idea that “all empowered women must be overtly and publicly sexual.” If that were the case, then for those of us who are perverted little exhibitionists, it would take some of the thrill away, wouldn’t it? It’s 2006 and there are plenty of us, feminists included, who like our sex hot and public (sometimes). Who have breast implants and are proud of them. Who make pornography designed to titillate and educate.

I know several people who I respect who’ve jumped to Levy’s defense when I’ve attacked her viewpoint. My main problem with her ideas is not that there’s no such thing as raunch culture, or sexism within it. But it’s not so black and white, nor is it mandatory. There are plenty of people choosing modesty, and plenty of others in between. Also, we can sometimes want to dress provocatively, like on a holiday that seems designed for it like, oh, I don’t know, Halloween, and other times might want to lounge around in sweats. I in no way think we are at a point in our society where women are only seen as sex objects. We’ve come a long way, baby, but this either/or, you’re with us or against us, Madonna/whore dichotomy is not helping anyone.

More later when I have time to dig into it, because I could and will write a whole book about this, but there’s so much wrong with her ideas. Levy’s beef is with “[w]omen who embrace the idea that sex equals power and who thrive in a society that continually encourages them to exploit their sexuality for fun and profit.”

I think this sentence epitomizes the problems in talking about sex and feminism and women’s desires fairly and honestly. Sex does equal power, or it can. To deny that power is threaded through our sexuality would be utterly wrong. But what to do about that? Just cast sex into the closet and pretend it doesn’t exist? Dress modestly because at least then we’ll be taken seriously? What about those of us who get off on that power, power that has absolutely nothing to do with “exploiting” but enjoying our sexuality? Once again, I don’t think we can fairly say that it’s all exploitation . . . have you read Carly Milne’s book Naked Ambition? Why are those women’s ideas left out of almost every article about Female Chauvinist Pigs? “Sex equals power” does not a feminist manifesto make. There are so many ways our sexuality is powerful, and that goes for men as well as women. Power is not inherently bad, and it’s not necessarily “power over.” We don’t need to fall into the “empowerment” vs. “objectification” debate for the umpteenth time either. It’s about choice, and Marikar says that over and over, thankfully:

Girls like Trong, who have the ability to laugh with raunch culture while defying its stereotypes, don't exist in "Female Chauvinist Pigs."

But they do in real life. That's the beauty of living in a world that offers women an array of options, from the costume store to the underwear department, from television programs to feminist philosophies.

A culture of sex doesn't have to be accepted in its entirety or not at all. Women can partake in what they like and ignore what they don't. They can wear a French maid outfit one Halloween and a rabbit suit the next. They can get comfortable in a culture of sex because they can handle it.

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aren't we cute?

cupcake bloggers
Originally uploaded by alizinha.
And you can be our MySpace friend. And/or all three of ours individually, see links from the Cupcakes Take the Cake MySpace page.

Photo by Aeki Tuesday at the black and white birthday ball.

What I'm learning about tonight

Originally uploaded by redhotdottie.
At School of Shimmy!

Pricey birth control pills at Princeton

"A bitter pill," Jason Sheltzer, The Daily Princetonian

Ortho-McNeil, the primary manufacturer of oral contraception in the United States, approved an 1,800-fold increase in the price at which it sold birth control to family planning clinics. While Ortho-McNeil had once charged clinics around a penny a pack, under its new pricing scheme clinics would have to pay up to $18 for a month's supply of birth control per person. Under the old price, clinics like Planned Parenthood could distribute pills to women who lacked health insurance for next to nothing. The cost hike forced clinics to raise their own prices beyond the means of many of the poor and uninsured women that the clinics catered to...

Oral contraception allows women to have complete control over their bodies and their future. It gives women the sexual freedom that men have always had, and there's the rub. UHS considers oral contraception to be a "lifestyle" drug that isn't medically necessary. In the 2006-2007 Student Health Plan Benefits Summary, oral contraception is excluded from coverage in the same clause in which "drugs used for cosmetic purposes or for weight loss" are excluded.

A belated weekend update

I had a really fabulous weekend, the first one in a really long time. Friday was a very long day and I was a little on edge and Friday night was perhaps not the best, but it was still fun. I went to Nina Hartley’s book party for Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex at Madame X, and before that had some yummy Thai food at Boyd Thai, where I was highly amused when my date asked them to change the music because the James Blunt CD was going for the second time. It’s just something I would never in a million years do. In this case, it wasn’t bothering me, but even if it was, I wouldn’t have said anything. I am so, so concerned about not bothering anyone else that I sometimes do things that are not in my best interest because I don’t know how the other person would respond to me making a stink. And by “don’t know how the other person would respond,” I mean, am petrified that they will banish me from their lives or somehow suddenly hate me if I challenge them. That’s not something I’m proud of; though I do want to find a happy medium. Anyway, after that we went to Madame X and ran into GirlyNYC, who told me that Michael Malice and Jessica Cutler, two of the sickest, most perverted, sarcastic, and totally lovable New Yorkers I know, were there. I hadn’t seen either in a really long time and it was really nice to have Malice give me shit about things (only from him would I be called a prude!) and just make me laugh. The vibe of the party got really strange; this guy was trying to sell the guys in our group these LED displays and flammable watches, some people across from us were almost having sex, and there was just a lot of madness. I got to say hi to Nina, who told me she definitely wants to do more comedy gigs, and congratulate her on her gorgeous new book, which really is so classy on the outside, yet dirty and unflinchingly honest and insightful inside. Then later Nichelle showed up, and she and I caught up on vital life insights (aka gossip) for a while, and also chatted with Anthony Lappe about books and babies, namely his adorable four-month-old daughter.

Saturday I ran around shopping madly, finally bought a winter coat and got a really pretty black lace and purple top at Arden B along with a cool chunky silver bracelet. I guess I was a good customer cause I signed up for their customer card and already got a phone call about a sale they’re having next week. I’ll be away, but still, I like their stuff and am really into the purple top and even almost excited for the cold to bundle up in the coat. I’ve been in this weird must-spend-money-and-buy-clothes mood lately, I think cause I’ve been a bit behind on my writing and when things are falling apart, I kindof tend to make them worse. But I was happy that I could walk out the door and feel good about my outfit.

Next step: figuring out a place for everything so that I know where all these yummy new clothes actually GO. But anyway, we were off to an open wedding party that I knew very little about at Good World Bar. So we go and it’s really chilly out, and we say hi to the bride and groom, Lilli Higa and Dan Goldman, more on them another time but definitely click through for their amazingness, and then go inside, and almost immediately there were people who knew of me, or knew me. It felt really good because everyone was so smart and artistic and into this whole comics scene that I know nothing about. I was kindof nervous, hence the shopping. Right away though I was chatting away with people like we were old friends, and this super nice girl sitting next to me even had Caught Looking and was excited about cupcakes. Then I started talking to Brett Jackson, of The Abraham Lincoln Logs, but we had to kindof scream across the table as he explained to me why porn stars go to Comic-Con and we compared levels of nerdiness, and I also chatted with his lovely wife Emily. Then our food arrived; not knowing what else to get, I opted for Swedish meatballs, and I must say, they were delish. My date got herring and then proceeded to tell us all about the “delicacy” of spoiled herring and it kindof sounded gross to me but I was just glad I didn’t have to eat it. I also met Larry Smith of SMITH Magazine and Jahfurry, who is responsible for hooking me up with all these people. Ah, the power of MySpace…Jahfurry recognized me at a Heeb party two weeks ago and we started chatting and he introduced me to a bunch of cool people.

I’m not gonna go into too much about it here but I’ve been really happy the last week with this new person I’m seeing. I think I’d forgotten what that whole getting to know someone process is like, and, well, I like it. Has made me think about a lot of things but in relation to Saturday night, the other really nice thing was that we were each talking to different people throughout the night and then we’d reconvene, and I just felt really proud to both be this person’s date and have him be mine. It’s been so long that I can barely remember when I used to go to parties with someone, I guess it was with K., and I have to say, we were quite the dazzling pair. I liked how people remembered us, we were “those crazy girls.” There were so many good times and I think I’m finally ready to focus on those rather than the bad times.

Anyway, especially this summer at all the weddings I attended and lately just at a lot of parties where everyone’s in pairs, I realized that I am almost always on my own and the difference was pretty striking. Sometimes I really love going home along to my own place with my stuff wherever I want it, and I don’t have to talk to anyone or make conversation or do anything but lie around if I so choose. But it was really nice to have someone to go home with, or to, I’m not really sure what the proper wording is. It just made me feel cozy and happy and part of something bigger than just myself.

The other part of the whole thing I realized is that people, even single people, aren’t completely isolated. They come attached to whole groups of other people and that’s why it’s really important to me to have good people surrounding me, because in a lot of ways, your friends do speak for you. I don’t want to have friends who I can’t trust or who I have to say, “You know, she’s really great, except for . . .” I love that I can say, “That’s my friend, he makes music or runs a show or she bakes and blogs” or whatever it is. I like that I can go to any bookstore and see my friends’ work, that I can connect cool artists with cool artists and do my little version of platonic, professional, creative matchmaking. I like having people in my life I can be excited about, and proud of, and who I know are proud of me right back. I was totally honored that anyone at that party knew who I was, but even moreso because I knew they weren’t like “I saw your tits on the Internet” but they were like “I’ve read your interviews.” It made me feel like even at this random gathering there was some sense of home and that I wasn’t just there as someone tagging along but like I belonged there. So that’s my longwinded way of saying I had a really great Saturday. Sunday I got to see my mom, who’s in town from Italy (!! I know, I know, it still feels weird to say it). We wandered all over the city, I made my virgin visit to Gracious Home and touched a $350 sweater and recoiled at the pricetag. I saw Little Miss Sunshine and even though I was tired and fell asleep in the beginning, I really liked it.

And now for something a little different

I want to go see this Dixie Chicks movie Shut Up & Sing this weekend. Maybe some kind Angeleno will take me.

Watch and listen to the new Dixie Chicks song "Not Ready to Make Nice."

More serious links (and more to come, I realize there are umpteen war-related sites out there, so this is just a small smattering, which is probably redundant, but whatever)

Bring Them Home Now

Guerrilla News Network

Military Families Speak Out

The War in Context

Code Pink

Graphic novel Shooting War.

Congratulations to new Gawker editor Emily Gould

I just saw read on Eat the Press (via Lindsay) that Emily Gould is the new co-editor of Gawker. Congratulations!

I interviewed Emily for a Mediabistro article called "It Takes Two To Make a Book Go Right," about jointly authored novels, and hers, Hex Education, co-written with Zareen Jaffery, is available for pre-order on Amazon, out in May.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

No comment links

Sarah Lewitinn in Vanity Fair

"Freshmen: Don't sell virginity on the cheap," Daily Trogan

"You're a virgin. So what?" The South End

"Your Lays Are Numbered," New York Post

Essentially, these women tally their number of partners based on who's left once they've applied all the self-deluding excuses they've created to make themselves feel they haven't crossed some mental line.

That's the case with Samantha, 28. "The last two guys I had sex with don't actually count because both of them went under a minute and I didn't get anything out of it. The one prior to that I slept with when I was drunk and in college, and that gets erased because of the rule, 'What happens in college, stays in college.' "

Despite her low number, Samantha, like most women, believes that the maximum partners a woman can have before turning from a complete girl-next-door to the whore-next-door is 20.

Blogs With a Face - World's Larget Collage of Bloggers (via SMITH magazine)

Tell SMITH Magazine about your ex

Los Angeles Times profiles John Hodgman

Win a copy of Christian Finnegan's new CD Two for Flinching from The Apiary

Don't fuck the pregnant lady!

Paging Christen Clifford!

Through Zero Boss, I just found this post on The Stranger's blog (Slog) about why "Sex with a pregnant woman is not right or wrong but dishonest. It's an act that is close to pity. One does it because one is trying to be nice, and not being honest about how much their partner's body has changed."

The author, Charles Mudede, did start by raising some questions but then proceeded to railroad over them and pretty much answer himself that Preggo Sex is NOT okay, ignoring the pretty common reports of increased sex drive amongst pregnant women, not to mention the fetishization of pregnancy (not just in porn, but in real life - there are plenty of guys who think the exact opposite of the above quote). Thank goodness for comments, though I noticed the ommission of...pregnant boobies! I mean, really, every mom or pregnant woman I know is over the moon about her new tits, whether she had small or large ones to start with. For the record, I have never been pregnant, but I have imagined what my tits will look like when I am (and no, that is not the only thing I have thought about it, believe me, I actually think I will be a kick-ass pregnant lady...someday. For now, I just take my folic acid and wait patiently for that part of my life to start.) and not to sound too narcissistic, but I think they're gonna look hot. As many body issues as I have, I am quite happy with my melons. But back to no preggo sex guy. He does what people do about sex all the freaking time - he takes his own personal opinion and extrapolates it out like he knows everything. Also, no no no no no to "And if a woman's pregnancy is far along the way, having sex with her must mean having sex with the baby." Do we know how biology works?

Also, a few thoughts:

It's not just men who have sex with pregnant women.

Not all women's bodies change in the same ways.

Is he talking about "right" and "wrong" medically? Socially? Religiously?

Most straight guys are not having sex, with a pregnant woman or not, "to be nice." Sorry to break it to you Charles.

My favorite comment:

What the hell, Charles? I'm pregnant, and still having sex with both my husband AND my boyfriend. And we sure as hell aren't going to stop.

His attitude is so Neanderthal I wonder if it's even worth getting upset about but it did push my buttons, and again, not because he asked the question, but because he then answered it in such a sexist, contemptuous, oblivious way.

Now, this is not to say that every man must find the woman he has impregnated totally hot and want to fuck her every second. Everyone's different and there's nothing wrong or sexist with being turned off or having mixed feelings about being attracted to someone you're having a baby with. I can only imagine the headiness of that time period. But to say that the pregnant body is "used up" by the function of pregnancy is pretty much advancing the fetus's important over the woman's, as opposed to considering the symbiotic nature of their relationship. Also, from everything I've read and heard, the place to express these feelings of not being attracted to your pregnant lady is not to her face. Tell your friends, tell strangers at a bar, tell your anonymous blog, but don't dump it on her.

But there is no "definitive" answer - it's not, as the comments seemed to have descended to, "there's a glow" or "there's not a glow." Hello, people, it's such an individual, subjective matter. The point is not to keep on saying "Yes, yes, I loved fucking my pregnant wife" but that there is nothing wrong with sex during pregnancy, if that's what the people involved want to do. I find it hard to believe that a woman is going to want to forgo all sexual behavior for nine months just because she's pregnant, though some might. The whole tone of his post acts like women are here only to procreate and provide men pleasure sexually, and while I'm sure there are plenty of people who believe that, I'd like to think they are in the minority.

One last thing - sex is not just about the body. A woman's body may be different, but she is still the same person and if they've been together for a while, I would imagine the woman's partner has seen her body change in other ways as well. So he's probably also saying that if you were to gain 30 or 40 pounds you'd also not be fuckable but I think it's even more twisted to say it in this way, because it also implies that the woman not only pays the price (of not getting fucked) for being pregnant, but it's as if she did it to herself! I would hope that we can see pregnancy with a little more dignity and honor and pride than simply as a matter of "using up" a woman's body. I think it's about expanding - the mind, the body, the family, and, in many cases, one's sex life, rather than shrinking them.

Perhaps I shall write a column about this someday, but not right now. I have a few topics lined up that are calling to me moreso than this one but just had to share this idiocy with you all.

Update: Have to add that there's MORE from Mudede.

My point is not whether this or that kind of sex is right (all sex done within the circle of legal consent is right); what I want to know and expose is the motive for the sex. Why is he or she really doing it. Is it for money? is it for favors? is it, worst of all, for pity.

He has now totally lost me and I have no response. Really - if someone can't see that there are not only many reasons we may choose to have sex, not to mention that some people find pregnant women hot and lovable, there's nothing more to say. To basically imply that you're fucking a pregnant woman as a favor, or out of pity (or a man who uses Viagra), is so absurd I think we can all see that. Dan Savage in the comments:

There's a reason Charles doesn't write our sex column—and that's all I'm going to say about his semi-irregular posts on sex.

What Chelseagirl said

Omg, I'm so there. I don't really write here in detail (not will I be) about my personal life, but suffice it to say, this year has been full of a few ups and many, many downs in the dating game, and I have no idea where it stands now, but I am so with Chelseagirl about the hell of dating:

I remember the frustrating game of dating. There are things I love about dating. I love the flirtation, the visceral thrill of will-he (or she)/won’t he (or she), the fresh fresh new freshness, the full-throttle excitation of the whole dating kit-and-caboodle. Then there are the things about dating I hate with a white-hot extra-flamey burning passion.

The uncertainty. The drooling stupid games. The ridiculous purgatory of indecision. The feeling as if I was consistently playing a game of pin-the-tail on the jackass, and often, blindfolded, spun unto dizziness, pinning on the tail only to find out that the jackass was me.

That would be yes, yes, yes, and yes to all of it. But read her whole post because it's about the good and the bad all swirled together like a chocolate and vanilla Tasti D-Lite.

I am getting to know myself a little better, but it's still hard, and I see good relationships and ones that are falling apart all around me, and I honestly a lot of the time just want to give up and hide away somewhere. And yet and yet and yet...I even though about putting up a personal ad recently but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Something seems too artificial and contrived about it to me - and I hesitate to say that because I know many people have dating very successfully through personal ads, and I have a few close friends who keep encouraging it, but I just need that personal connection. Not just for dating, for friendship too. As I told a new friend yesterday, "life is not an RSS feed." It's just not, end of story.

I didn't really mean this in a dating criteria way, but I've crafted and revised this tiny statement on MySpace about who I want to meet several times. Because just when I think I have enough people in my life, I meet new ones who really do open up my world and I live for that:

People who make me laugh, people who make me think, people who teach me things, creative, interesting, fun types who aren't drama queens and don't take themselves too seriously, people who make me want to be a better person. And, of course, people who love cupcakes (though that is optional).

I am learning so much and I realize that I need that, I need other people in my life to learn from, and that's not just a dating thing. I've always had these people I kindof looked up to and idolized, and as I've gotten older I've tried to tone that down and have more of an equitable relationship with people where I don't have to feel like I know nothing for them to teach me things. And lately I'm realizing that I do have certain bits of information or things I can offer to people, and those are often things that are so second nature to me I barely even realize I know them. It's surreal, I'm not gonna lie, to have someone say they took your column to an editorial board meeting; I sometimes don't want to know those things because it makes me more skittish and nervous about sitting back down to write. At the same time, I feel like I am learning from so many sources, many of them unexpected. To me that's the great thing about having an open mind and a big heart - there is room, perhaps infinite room, to grow, and that's what I'm trying to focus on. It's so so so easy for me to focus on the negatives, to look at what I haven't done or feel like I can't do or the problems, instead of just sitting down and tackling one thing at a time.

More on Plan B

Up to my eyeballs in work and trying to stay sane so am gonna be throwing some links at you - here's some more info on Plan B:

Emergency Kindness (via Feministing) - a new nonprofit dedicated to helping women obtain emergency contraception within the 72 hour time frame

Scarleteen on Plan B

Princeton Emergency Contraception Site - includes which doses of which birth control pills you can take instead of the brand name Plan B

Official Plan B site

Jane magazine birth control quiz - not really about Plan B but fyi, I haven't gotten my issue in the mail (that my friend Joel Keller has an essay in) but I think there's a larger piece about birth control in the November issue too

Planned Parenthood Plan B celebration/fundraiser

I will be at Sarah Lawrence so I can't go, but fyi. Also, I did not realize until last week that Plan B is actually not yet available over the counter. I guess I did not read my news stories closely enough but, um, speed it up FDA. Seriously.

Plan B Celebration
339 East 10th Street at Avenue B
New York, NY

Date: 10/26/2006 from 6:00 pm - 10:00 pm

Hosted By: PPNYC
Special Events Office at 212.274.7269. Tickets also available at the door (cash only at the door).

RSVP by: October 26, 2006 at 3:30 pm

Celebrate Plan B at Plan B!

The FDA recently lifted restrictions in the United States on Plan B, a brand of Emergency Contraception (EC). Soon, Plan B will be available at pharmacies for women 18 years of age and over, a long-awaited step toward increasing women’s access to safe, effective ways of planning pregnancies.

Come celebrate the FDA's approval of Plan B with us -- come early and stay late! Because, it's about time!

Tickets are only $20! Here's what's waiting for you at our event:

Great drink specials!
Live DJ and dancing!
50/50 Raffle!
By Subway: Q, N, R, W, 4, 5, 6 to Union Square; L to 1st Avenue; F, V to Lower East Side/2nd Avenue.

Please join us for this celebration benefit to help raise important funds for Planned Parenthood of New York City's (PPNYC) vital mission of clinical services, education, and advocacy. When you buy tickets to this event, you are helping us to continue to help the thousands of New Yorkers who count on us each year. Let's celebrate this milestone together with a toast, all the while supporting a great cause!

2 Mediabistro interviews: one editor, one agent

I interviewed Karen Bouris, Publisher of the very cool and progressive Inner Ocean Publishing for Mediabistro's From the Editors series (check out their site here but also read the interview)

Here's a snippet:

You're located in Maui, so I'm curious how being a Hawaiian publisher impacts both the books you publish and how you do business. Do you cultivate local authors/projects?
There are pros and cons with paradise. On the plus side, we have the clarity and perspective that comes from not being stuck in the fray. When you are jumping in the ocean regularly, you are more in touch with your own creativity, balance, and inspired to make work count. We have the great good fortune, as they say, to focus intently on building relationships with meaning, working on books that have a positive impact on the world, and loving what we do. And I always promise my authors (who can travel to Maui) editorial meetings on the beach, with or without mai tais. Manhattan publishers certainly cannot deliver that.

I also interviewed Helen Zimmermann, of The Helen Zimmermann Literary Agency, who is open to all sorts of topics and pitches (she's sold books like The Mini Ketchup Cookbook and 101 Things NOT To Do Before You Die)

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Best Erotic Comics 2008 Call for Submissions

I can't wait to read this! FYI, via Greta Christina, the editor (click through on her name for her vision for the project.)

Click here for full guidelines

Best Erotic Comics 2008, to be published by Last Gasp

Last Gasp is seeking submissions for an anthology of adult comics, "Best Erotic Comics 2008" (the first in a planned annual series). The series is intended to showcase the most artistically interesting -- and most sexually arousing -- recent erotic comics, from both the literary comic side of the field and the smut comic side. We believe that the divide between literary comics and adult comics is unfortunate and unnecessary, and we plan to make "Best Erotic Comics" enjoyable both as a literary and artistic exploration of human sexuality... and as a fun dirty book.

In keeping with this vision, submissions to "Best Erotic Comics" should be both:

a) Hot.

b) Interesting in some way in addition to being hot.

(I just like to read the sexy comics, so if you know of any, please direct me to them. See also my column "'True Porn' Comics Bare All." Speaking of comics, there will be more on my Saturday evening o' comics artists very soon.)


Reading Panties G rated

Reading Panties G rated
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
And if you click through to my my Flickr account, there is one there now that will appeal to those who liked the non-G rated photo of me reading. I got inspired cause I was sending off photos to Eros Zine and Fleshbot. Next week in San Francisco, if I can think of a fun idea, I'm gonna do some more photos! I feel like doing something to my appearance too, I don't know what. Am also intrigued by the idea of a nipple piercing but my nipples are so sensitive I fear that it may be too much. Mostly I'm excited to just go on vacation. I'm seeing so many wonderful friends and relatives and have some cool meetings set up and am just excited to get out of New York, much as I love it, for a little bit.

In the meantime, I'm writing and working a lot lot lot. Tomorrow night I take the School of Shimmy burlesque class, and Thursday night I'm speaking at Sarah Lawrence about writing, and in the meantime am interviewing a slew of people, trying to pack, and juggle other stuff but somehow, I have a feeling things are gonna work out okay.

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Monday, October 23, 2006

Sunday night in Los Feliz

I know this might brand me as the dorkiest book-reading nerd, to go to LA and want to go to this YA event as opposed to some fancy bar or even some divey bar, but fuck it, I am a total nerd and I think I'm gonna try to go to the LA YA Pajama Party - found out about it from the fabulous Melissa de la Cruz. Any LA chicas want to join me? I know Alice Ayers would join me if she were in town. Actually, forget any hesitation I may have had about appearing dorky, I don't freaking care. I'm taking my advance copy of Rachel Cohn's book Cupcake on the plane now (adding it to my ever-growing stack that I know I won't make it through, but I don't care).

Here's who'll be there: Cecil Castellucci ( The Queen of Cool ), Dana Reinhardt ( A Brief Chapter In My Impossible Life ), Jordan Roter ( Girl in Development ), Kerry Madden ( Gentle's Holler ), Mark L. Williams ( Danger Boy ), Melissa de la Cruz ( The Au Pairs ), Sally Nemeth ( The Heights , The Depths and Everything In Between ), Amy Goldman Koss ( Poison Ivy, Side Effects ), Rachel Cohn ( Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist , Two Steps Forward ) and Francesca Lia Block (Weetzie Bat)--Woohoo!

LA YA Pajama Party Smart Gals Literary Speakeasy!
Sunday, October 29th 7:00 - 9:00 p.m.
Mt. Hollywood Underground 4607 Prospect Avenue, Los Feliz
Admission: $7.00 (general), $5.00 (members) Bookmarks: $10.00, purchased separately Information and passwords: (dinky hocker shoots smack!)
323.302.2257 or

Also, I'm getting so excited about my birthday party. I love getting the chance to invite old friends and new to come and mix and mingle. I love connecting people and when my friends become friends with each other, and looking at these photos makes me so happy. It also makes turning one year older not seem like such a big deal. Last week my cousin said that she doesn't really like to celebrate her birthday, because she's at such a happy place in her life that every day is a gift, and I totally get that. I mean, not as much as it will be when I have kids, but I'm so over trying to "hold off" until some mythical day comes when everything is perfect. It never will be and I'm just trying to enjoy the present and amazingly, I really am. More on my lovely weekend later.

The Abraham Lincoln Logs

You guys should totally go check out this podcast, The Abraham Lincoln Logs, made by Brett Jackson. I met him on Saturday night and got him to write his URL on a $5 bill, and then people were madly passing money across the table to get him to autograph. I think that would be the perfect underground marketing tool especially for this particular podcast. And while I have not yet listened to it (but I will be doing so very soon), I'm pretty sure it's gonna be awesome. Especially episodes 50 (which involves spanking, George Bush, Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln!) and 75.

Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 now on Amazon!

Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 is shipping very, very soon from! I realize it says "unavailable" now but it's on its way from the printers (I haven't even seen it yet) but should be in everyone's hands, mine and Amazon's, by the end of October. I can't wait for people to start reading it, and, especially, to mail off the copies to my 29 authors (there are 30 stories in the book, including one from me). Here's the Table of Contents, and I can assure you that if you liked the first one, you'll love the second. Pre-order it now and it'll be sent just as soon as Amazon gets them - I'll post here as well when it's really, really a book I'm holding in my hands - maybe I'll even get someone to spank me with it!

Table of Contents

* Foreword by Laura Antoniou
* "After Hours" by Marilyn Jaye Lewis
* "Break" by Cheryl B.
* "Chippendale Library Chair" by Ashley Lister
* "Disciplinary Action" by Thomas S. Roche
* "Exact Expectations" by Debra Hyde
* "Five Bucks a Swat" by Christopher Pierce
* "Going Postal" by Sacchi Green
* "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Nichelle
* "In Perfect Time" by Saskia Walker
* "Janelle's Spankology 101" by Michelle Houston
* "Karen Leaves Her Husband for the Very First Time" by Catherine Lundoff
* "Longevity" by Gwen Masters
* "Most Unexpected" by Marina Saint
* "Night Before (The)" by Simon Sheppard
* "O" by Alison Tyler
* "Perks of the Job" by Kristina Wright
* "Queuing Up" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
* "Ruler" by Lisabet Sarai
* "Solemate" by Stan Kent
* "This Week" by Greta Christina
* "Underwater Surprise" by Bette Taylor
* "Violet, Scarlet, Crimson" by Michele Zipp
* "Waiting for a Spanking" by Shanna Germain
* "X-Rated Eves" by L. Elise Bland
* "You Know You Want It" by Tsaurah Litzky
* "Zocalo Dare" by Radclyffe

Bonus Stories:

* "Alma Mater" by Brooke Stern
* "The Proper Incentive" by Kate Dominic
* "Spank and Run" by Tara Alton
* "Wages of Pride" by Jen Cross

Calling all spanking lovers⎯get your hands on the latest, hottest, and hugest book of spanking erotica around! That’s right, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z is back with a second volume that’s even bigger, sexier and full of more intense, heated, no-holds-barred spanking!

Edited by renowned erotic writer Rachel Kramer Bussel, with a racy foreword by Marketplace series author and BDSM speaker Laura Antoniou, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 will turn you on from the very first page. Starting with Marilyn Jaye Lewis’s daring couple who spy on a spanking in “After Hours,” through to Radclyffe’s “Zocalo Dare,”in which another very public spanking leaves a woman whimpering for more, these stories take you on a blistering ride through every permutation of bare-bottomed spanking fun you can have. Spankings with hands, paddles, whips and even shoes! Spankings by strippers, husbands, wives, lovers, strangers, teachers, exes, and bosses. Spanking in public, private, underground, at work, at school and in places you can’t even imagine. Spanking as sex, love, punishment, communication, celebration. Spankings that leave the spankee with much more than a sore, tender bottom, giving them new relationships, feelings and discoveries about their deepest desires.

Featuring 30 stories (all of the letters of the alphabet with 4 bonus stories) by such talented authors as Thomas Roche, Simon Sheppard, Kate Dominic, Michele Zipp, Sacchi Green, Tsaurah Litzky, Stan Kent, Brooke Stern, Ashley Lister, Debra Hyde, Gwen Masters, L. Elise Bland, Shanna Germain, Greta Christina and more, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 is a masterpiece of modern erotic fiction with a special kinky twist.


Friday, October 20, 2006

Latest Lusty Lady column, "Like a Virgin"

My latest Village Voice column, "Like a Virgin," is now online - I interviewed Jason Illian, who was a contestant on The Bachelorette in 2005 and just wrote Undressed: The Naked Truth About Love, Sex, and Dating, and Wendy Shalit, of and author of A Return to Modesty and the forthcoming Girls Gone Mild. The next one will be a followup column, also about virginity.

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Friday link-o-rama

A whole bunch of stuff I've been meaning to post about, definitely worth checking out:

My fellow cupcake blogger and friend Allison (aka Alizinha, The Brazilian Muse) is now on MySpace

Audacia Ray's book Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration is available for pre-order on Amazon

Jessica Gold Haralson, sex blogger superstar

Freshmen: Don't sell virginity on the cheap," Daily Trojan

Mistress Matisse responds to a woman who's submissive in the sheets, not in the streets

"Get on the Shortbus," Violet Blue, "Open Source Sex," San Francisco Chronicle

Bett Williams says about Shortbus:

Shortbus was great, a miracle of a movie to pull off. It was a cheesy, corny, hokey porn movie full of annoying hipsters that was completely moving, erotic and inspiring.

Tricia Romano has some fabulous photos of the Shortbusers

The New York Post talks to Laura Kipnis about The Female Thing

Tricia Romano visits Hell (House) (and takes photos)

What an opener:

I'm in hell. There's a nice blonde girl handing out powdered white doughnuts, a hokey band singing Christian songs on a stage with a glowing white cross, and a strangely happy guy grinning ear-to-ear as he claps awkwardly in time to the music. In the corner, there's a giant photo of Jesus that says, "Pin the Sin on Jesus."

Rachel Dodds tells us what "the fuss" is about sex"

From a primal urge to a concept, sex wields more power than anything in our human existence. As a result, sex becomes complicated with its many facets of good and evil. We sell sex, we trade sex, and we use sex to generate profit. Sex can be used as an expression of control, anger, violence and degradation.

Some are addicted to sex and some have uncontrollable urges deemed by society as unacceptable. There are predators and there are victims in the world of sex. The dark underbelly of sexual expression is around us. It's in war crimes around the world, it's in mainstream adult entertainment, and it even manifests itself in our homes and in our families.

Sex is also the most powerful expression of love. Sex can be a euphoric experience spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically - not just with another person, but even with yourself. It reveals aspects of our personalities we didn't know existed.

Sex is the very act that allows us to experience the indescribable joy of bringing a new soul into the world. Sex is a healthy and fun form of human expression we should celebrate.

Hanne Blank's tips on one of my favorite activities - dishwashing

"Dan Savage is Seattle's Margaret Cho," Seattlest

Jason Pinter on agent/editor figure fudging:

Agents and editors both tend to fudge the figures when reporting. Agents because they want the perception that the sell books for lots of money (which in turn draws better clients and more notice from editors). Editors because they want agents to know they spend lots of money which in turn brings in better submissions.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tonight, Merc Bar, Mediabistro reading series

Thursday, October 19—New York City
Mediabistro Reading Series with Shari Goldhagen, Nicole Bokat and Gayle Forman
151 Mercer St
New York, NY 10012
(212) 966-2727

My friend Shari is fabulous and wrote the awesome novel Family and Other Accidents. I don't know anything about the other readers but I'm sure they're great too.

The super hot artist and her muse

Originally uploaded by brianvan.
One of the highlights of last night's In The Flesh was when burlesque babe and artist extraordinaire Molly Crabapple showed up (fresh from a burlesque gig at Mo Pitkin's!) and brought me a present - the original artwork of me with cleavage and cupcakes, the official In The Flesh logo. Firstly, she'd told me she had a gift for me months ago, and I guessed that's what it was but she also had it framed and it looks so fabulous. Everyone comments on the logo when I pass out postcards and it just means so much to me that she drew it in the first place, let alone gave me the print. So thank you, Molly! She is also busy getting her first book ready for publication in December - it's the officialy coloring book of Dr. Sketchy, which is now an international phenomenon.

So much other fabulousness last night, will update you when I can. In the meantime, you can read Jurgen Fauth's lovely writeup and see his video of me introducing his wife, Marcy Dermansky, author of Twins and Marcy's sly, sexy reading from a sex scene. As I told Marcy, I am sometimes very picky about fiction and I'll start a book and then put it down, but often will go back to it. I had read a chapter of Twins and liked it but was not sucked in. And apparently, as reader Jami Attenberg reports, they left and went to a party for a Helen Hunt movie and Marcy gave Helen Hunt a copy of Twins. Awesome! Last night, I totally was, and will be reading Twins pronto - perhaps I will add it to my little stack of books to take on the plane to California. Everyone read beautifully and many cupcakes were eaten, books given away, and fun had late into the evening.

Photo by Brian Van
See more of his photos from last night's In The Flesh here

My review of Stephen Elliott's My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up at

My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up

My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up

I reviewed Stephen Elliott's fabulous new book of interconnected short stories, My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up for Stephen was wonderful last night at In The Flesh, and is reading on Monday night, October 23rd, from 7 - 8:30 p.m. at The Strand with Nick Flynn, author of Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.

The real question in Stephen Elliott’s short story collection My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up is not whether these tales are autobiographical or not (though Elliott admits that many are true, or mostly true, in his introduction), but whether Elliott, as narrator, consents to and likes the kinky acts described therein. In powerful, waste-no-words prose, Elliott takes readers on a guided tour through the underbelly of San Francisco and his narrator’s sex life, mental state, and troubled childhood.

Read the whole review


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My Village Voice Best of New York

These are my favorite things to write all year. In 2004 I had a whopping 17 entries, 6 last year, balanced out to 10 this year. I love to be a total fangirl and this lets me in a big way. Click through to find out who or what I'm talking about!

Best Place to Publicly Relive Your Failures

Best Word Game Geekfest

Best Ukelele-Playing Fag Hags

Best Laugh-Out-Loud Video Shorts

Best Place to Grope a Stranger

Best Local Music Groupie

Best Sex Worker Support System

Best Local-Hunk Porn Site

Best Go-Go Dancing in a Metal Bar

Best Cheap Cut-and-Color

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ass plus shoes

ass plus shoes
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Both are mine.

Another one by Bob

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Rachel learns to read

Rachel learns to read
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
And what better place to start than with Panties: A brief history?

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IN THE FLESH Wednesday, October 18th

I know there are a bunch of other funny, sexy events around town tomorrow night but...mine is free and there will be free cupcakes and outstanding readers. So please come! I'm getting big cupcakes from Whole Foods that benefit Cupcakes for a Cause, Stephen Elliott is here all the way from San Francisco, we've got spoken word and literary hotness and sexy stories galore. Hope you can make it!

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

In The Flesh gets literary in October with racy words from short story writer Jami Attenberg (Instant Love), spoken word impresario Mo Beasley and members of his dirty-word powerhouse UrbanErotika, playright Christen Clifford (Baby Love, 17 Guys I Fucked), novelist Marcy Dermansky (Twins), San Francisco-based author Stephen Elliott (My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up, Happy Baby), Sean Meriwether (Velvet Mafia) and erotica writer P.F. Kozak (Passions, Sins and Secrets), along with host Rachel Kramer Bussel (Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists; Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2). Copies of the authors' books will be given away, and free candy and mini cupcakes will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include Revenge of the Sex Columnists (September), comic sex (November) and erotic memoirs. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Gothamist, and Wonkette.

Jami Attenberg has written about sex, technology, design, graphic novels, books, television, and urban life for Salon, Print, Nylon, the San Francisco Chronicle, and others. Her fiction has been published by Pindeldyboz, Nerve, Spork, and Bullfight Review. Her debut collection of stories, Instant Love, was published by Crown/Shaye Areheart Books in June 2006. A novel, The Kept Man, will be published by Riverhead Books in 2007.

Mo Beasley is a performance poet and Producing Director of UrbanErotika. Affectionately known as The Head Coach of Erotica, founded and hosts New York' s longest running monthly erotic showcase: UrbanErotika. Since 2001, UE has featured the passions of all cultures and lifestyles united to express true eros through spoken word, poetry, music, & dance.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse, writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice, and conducts interviews for and Her erotic stories have appeared in over 60 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she's edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2, Up All Night, First-Timers, Glamour Girls, and the forthcoming Ultimate Undies, Sexiest Soles, Secret Slaves, and Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Christen Clifford's most recent solo show, BabyLove, had its world premiere at the Mesto Zensk Festival in Ljubljana, Slovenia in 2005. It has also been produced in New York at Center Stage New York as part of Terra Nova Collective's 3rd Solo Arts Festival, at The Hudson Guild Theatre, and at 2006 San Francisco Fringe Festival and will be seen in late October 2006 in Toronto. Actor: most recently the title role in The Woman Before, directed by Daniel Fish in New York. Clifford is an MFA Candidate in Creative Non-Fiction at The New School.

Marcy Dermansky's first novel Twins, a 2005 New York Times Editor's Choice pick, will be released in paperback this October from HarperCollins. A MacDowell Fellow, Marcy is the winner of the 2002 Smallmouth Press Andre Dubus Novella Award and the 1999 Story Magazine Carson McCullers short story prize. Her short stories have appeared in numerous literary journals, including McSweeneys, The Alaska Quarterly Review, and The Indiana Review. She reviews independent and foreign film for about Marcy is not an identical twin.

Stephen Elliott is the author of six books including Happy Baby and My Girlfriend Comes To The City And Beats Me Up. His writing has also appeared in The New York Times, Esquire, The Village Voice, Best American Erotica, Best Sex Writing, Best Non-Required Reading, among others.

P. F. Kozak has had a unique perspective on sexuality since she discovered playing doctor, long before puberty. Once her hormones blended with her imagination, exotic erotic fantasies were born, and stories filled her head. With the publication of her first two books, Passion and Sins and Secrets, being a writer is no longer a castle in the sky.

Sean Meriwether’s work has been published in Lodestar Quarterly, Best Gay Love Stories 2006 and Best of Best Gay Erotica 2. He is the editor of Outsider Ink and Velvet Mafia: Dangerous Queer Fiction, and the forthcoming anthology Men of Mystery. Stalk him online at


another one

another one
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Also by Bob

Hello Hilarious interview

The fabulous and funny Margot Leitman interviewed me over at Hello Hilarious about sex, writing, and sex writing:

Something that I have always found admirable in Rachel is her utter fearlessness as a writer. We writers so often hear whispers in the backs of our minds saying things like, “What if my dad reads this?” or “Will the person this is based on ever find out I wrote this?” This whisper is something I have long struggled with as both a writer and performer, until finally I began writing with the “write like your parents are dead” mentality. Personally, a year ago I never would have even been able to write this sex and dating column because of all that fear. Fear can really consume and stifle your work.

“My most creative moments and
intense observations come from people who stay on my mind. This
doesn’t even necessarily mean lovers, but people who’ve provoked me in
some way. And I don’t want to censor myself, but at the same time, the
sex writing is one part of my life, not my entire life. I’m not
exactly a sex goddess and am likely to be found at home sprawled out
on my couch in sweats eating pretzels and reading a book than I am
doing something inordinately racy. I think people tend to forget that,
or they think that if I write about something sexual I enjoy, like
spanking, that I want to do it with everyone. No, I do not have an
open invitation to the world to spank my ass. People misread those
statements all the time, and I guess in one way it’s natural, but I
actually get very attached to people I date and know that we can have
something special and private, but that I can also write about it in a
way that doesn’t detract from that special ness.

Read the whole thing

From the Editors interview with Jennifer Kushnier of Adams Media

Mediabistro From the Editors interview with Jennifer Kushnier of Adams Media and Polka Dot Press

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Biggest Sugasm Ever

The best of the sex blogs this week by the bloggers who blog them. Spotlighting the top 3 posts voted by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #51? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Dear Diary - Part One (

The Lure of Darkness (

Flash (

Mr. Sugasm Himself

50 Simultaneous Bloggasm’s… (

Editors’ Choice

Let go, just let go (

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex News and Sexy Reviews

Anastasia Probes the Pornos of Michael Ninn (

Doc Johnson Dick Rambone Cock (

Free whores of warcraft video (

How to invent a sex toy - week 4 (

The Secret Porn History of Mahna Mahna (


Cum Shot HNT (

Crazy Bitch HNT!!! (

Half-Nekkid Hottie (

HNT 31 - Are You Paying Me For Sex Edition? (

Lingerie Battle (

Nora Marlo Nude (

Pornstar Legends (

Thick booty with a wedgie (

Valia - Vision (

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover (

The “backdoor”, I went in. (

Big Dicks (

Celebrity Sex Tapes (

Cock size & male ego size… a balancing act? (

Cocktoberfest - Day 9 (

From Working The Fields To Working The Streets (

The Girl Inside the Steff (

Longing for a Woman’s Touch Part II (

The next best thing to hotel sex… (

Of fluffers and cake frosting (

Perfect Porn Part (

Sexual Thoughts–I’m “Coping!” (

Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind… (

Wrap Around (

You Say Pain, They Say Play (

BDSM and Fetish

Are you sure? (

Boris called me this morning (

Darth Vader spanking (

How does that ass feel after Me raping you??? (

I Need A Spanking! (

The Importance of Correct Attire (

Knots (

Mecca-Streisand of Traffic (

My Tiny Dick Poll Question (

Next day (

Nothing Says Innocence Like…… (

Sex Work

L.A. Trip Part 2- Mismatched Whores (

Stimulating me…..the right way (

A Whore By Any Other Name … (

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Actually wanking outside (

Almost in real time… (

Beachside encounter (

The Beauty of the Beast (

Birthday Gift (

Claiming A Friend’s Pussy (

Cowboy Cocksucker (

Desperate (

Goose Bumps (

Home cooking, part 1 (

Island Love (

Joint: The Cyber Seck Convo (

Mr Henry is a voyeur (

My First Taste (

Nature Hike (

Sugar Stick (

There’s Something About Tristan (and Dana) (

Who I Wished It Was (