Fear and trembling and kinky age Mommy/boy play at Bedpost Confessions

Much catching up in the last two days of the year, so to summarize: I was so scared of doing Bedpost Confessions I put off finalizing what I would read til beyond the last minute. I half hoped the organizers would tell me not to do it, or that I'd be too sick to speak (I got a huge cold upon arriving in Austin but rallied for my writing workshop and Bedpost). I couldn't fathom what had prompted me to want to do it, save for the fact that the three-year-old event was uber-popular and I wanted to be part of the cool kids. I wound up going with my original long draft of my age play essay that was published in Salon and Best Sex Writing 2013, the version I wrote while on vacation in Honolulu only two months after the OkCupid turned age play date happened. If I'd known that reading erotica was permitted, I'd have gone with my strength.

But I got there in time for sound check and was amazed and awed at how welcoming and professional the setup was. These were women who know how to do a reading series right. For a second, I wondered what my fledgling In The Flesh Reading Series could have been if I'd been as committed as they are. The truth is, I almost forgot I used to run a reading series. I think I blocked it out because by the end it was so arduous and I worried I'd lose money each month, plus I was stuck in an easy but demoralizing job where I didn't get a raise the entire seven and a half years and felt like I was stagnating. But in Austin, people thanked me for running In The Flesh, said it inspired them and they remember it fondly, which made me remember it in a new way. It was a fancy stage, with two microphones and multimedia and a huge crowd who laughed where I wasn't expecting laughter, who waited patiently through my fear and shaking. I was humbled and honored and glad I did it, as petrifying as it was. Retelling that story also made me grateful that I'm what feels like a lifetime away from that girl, save for the wanting a baby thing. Clock is ticking so loud I often can't hear anything else. But that era of my life where I was seeking and searching and desperately dating and look for love in the wrongest places I could? It's all faded gently into the background of this new beautiful life where we are almost as different as two people could be, but have still merged our lives and homes together in a way that sometimes makes me pause and wonder how I got so lucky. You can listen to my attempt at storytelling here and subscribe to the Bedpost Confessions podcast on iTunes here.

6 free copies of BDSM book Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission for Amazon reviewers, plus a kinky excerpt

On Wednesday I'm sending out another round of autographed copies of Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission to U.S. Amazon.com reviewers and I have 6 left. Want one? Email me at femalesubantho at gmail.com with "Amazon" in the subject line and your name and mailing address in the body. You MUST have an Amazon.com account you've made a purchase from at some point and by emailing, you agree to post your review within 6 weeks of receiving the book. Thank you!



One of the things I'm most proud of in my story "Subbing" is pushing some of my own boundaries; you can read the first two paragraphs here and a kinkier excerpt below. I've written erotica about sex work in "Lap Dance Lust," but from the perspective of the dancer. I've written about a bachelor party lap dance (even one for a gay erotica anthology!) but am not sure I've ever written from the perspective of a sex worker before, which I did with this story, and certainly plan to do again. Many of the stories in Serving Him push boundaries and I love that about the book. It takes kink to the dark place it sometimes is, and I think it's one of my hottest books. Pushing boundaries is something I'm working to achieve with my solo short story collection, to go beyond where I initially wanted to take a story into somewhere with more depth and complexity, which in turn, I hope, makes the stories even hotter. So I hope readers enjoy it; if you have, I'd love it if you'd post a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. And if you like this excerpt, I'd love it if you'd take a moment to click "like" on the upper right hand side of my Amazon.com profile. This lets Amazon know people want to read my books! The introduction and more Serving Him excerpt links can be found here.

From "Subbing" by Rachel Kramer Bussel (©Rachel Kramer Bussel; all rights reserved)

“Hello, Tina, sweetheart,” he said, his smile both sweet and sadistic at once. She glanced immediately at his crotch, a bad habit she’d picked up somewhere along the way with guys she was hot for. She could see the outline of his cock against his jeans. “Daddy wants to have a word with you.” He took the chair and ragged it across the room, resting his hand on his cock. She looked up at him, grateful he wasn’t overly polite, wasn’t polluting their time with niceties that would do nothing for her pussy. He knew what he wanted, and so did she. “I have your allowance right here,” he said, holding up what she could see was at least a hundred dollars more than her fee. “Crawl to me, pretty girl,” he said. “Crawl to Daddy.” She did, wondering if he could tell how wet she was, wondering if he knew this was her first time, wondering if any of that mattered.

He kept talking as she reached him, seamlessly sliding the bills into the waistband of her skirt. “I know it was really Janet who stole the car, but since you told me you did it, you’re going to get punished for it. You understand, don’t you?” Somehow, his voice was soothing, deep and sexy, like he was trying to seduce her, yet the power behind his words vibrated through the air. “Janet will get punished even worse,” he said, “but you need to learn not to cover for her. You never lie to your Daddy again, do you hear me?” He didn’t yell, but it was the quiet roar in his voice that cued her in. She knew she could back away if she wanted to, but she had no desire to escape; instead, she was irresistibly drawn to that cruel yet sweet voice, its roughness promising pain as well as tender understanding. “Now get me my whip,” he said, pointing to a riding crop sticking up out of his briefcase. “Bring it to me between those pretty lips.”

She shuddered as she did it, realizing it had been three months since she’d last been beaten, and two more since she’d had someone talk to her like this. Well, not like this, exactly; she’d only played at being a “bad girl,” but never Daddy’s bad girl. This was different, doubly, even triply hot for all the taboos they were breaking. “You’re keep your panties on, but I want you to show me how wet you are, Tina, show me how much you need to be punished.” She pulled down her panties and bent over with the crop between her teeth, her ass in the air. Taylor spread her legs just enough to show the stranger, her new insta-Daddy, how slick her sex was. She started to inch backward, and stopped. Her punishment wasn’t going to be a beating there, nor would there be a reward of his fingers or tongue or cock, as she was used to. Her real punishment was that she’d have to wait until later to touch herself there, where she most wanted it.

Read or listen to the whole story in Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission!

Daddy/girl roleplay in "I Always Do" by Kiki DeLovely

I wrote my first Daddy/girl roleplay in my story "Subbing" in Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, but whereas mine is a small snippet of a larger story about a professional submissive, Kiki DeLovely has written "I Always Do" an entire story about Daddy/girl roleplay. Here's the first four paragraphs, and without giving too much away, I will say that I love the turnabout that happens in the story, the way that whatever you might be expecting of a dom, you get that subverted in a wonderful way. We see that getting what you want, demanding what you want, comes with plenty of nuance, even in an intense power dynamic relationship. This is a vivid, riveting, gripping story of kink and desire and love, and I treasure how it offers up the unexpected. That's what I look for in an erotica story, and this one stands out to my mind, in part because I've only published a handful of Daddy/girl stories, and in part because these characters have distinct needs and desires and they get played out masterfully (yes, double entendre intended) here. So while I'm posting the beginning of the story here, trust me, it gets much, much better, and I hope you will check out the full story in Serving Him, whether this is your kink or not. This is also a lesson in defying readers' expectations and drawing them in so they must keep reading.

Previous excerpts: "The Golden Ruler" by Giselle Renarde, "Safe, Sane and Consensual" by Ariel Graham, "Run, Baby, Run" by Vida Bailey, "The Letter" by Tiffany Reisz part 1 and part 2, "Under Direction" by Teresa Noelle Roberts, "Chattel" by Errica Liekos, "The Coffee Break" by Kristina Wright, "What You Deserve" by Lori Selke and "Subbing" by me.

From "I Always Do" by Kiki DeLovely

My Daddy calls me a word architect. So I pick up my pencil and start drawing up the blueprints to thank him. I make painstakingly precise calculations, planning out every last detail, figuring out how to write him into my life and make the design structurally sound, but it inevitably seems to wobble. Perhaps the most beautiful compositions must.

I’ve had plenty of Daddies in my day. They’ve come and gone, dropping in on my life, some having greater impact than others. No matter how many times I’ve tried to deviate and experiment with other forms of submission, it’s always the archetype of Daddy I find myself kneeling at the feet of, time and time again. Daddy/babygirl play just does it for me. It’s what gets me going, what gets me off, what gets me there.

This particular Daddy, however, makes me bow my head in an all-new way—I look up at him through thick lashes in awe, batting them just slightly. From the first time I saw him, it was as if he was walking into my life again. He’s always felt familiar; we’ve had a certain amount of ease and comfort between us. After the first weekend we spent together, I knew this was…different. This was it.

If I hadn’t believed in past lives before, his inexplicable presence in my life surely would’ve sold me on the concept. How could someone—someone who’s hardly known me—know me so well? And I him? There’s a certain vibration we feel in each other’s cells, and the hum of it can be sensed across great distances. It’s this unspoken connection that magnifies his dominance over me. And still, amidst the depth between us exists a level of playfulness in the ways we spark off of each other. Before we even got together, he was already my Daddy. And the very first time we played, it started off innocently enough.

If you liked this excerpt, please do like Serving Him on Amazon, where you can also pre-order it. You can also pre-order it from Bn.com. Kindle and Nook editions coming soon. THANK YOU!

My age play "Baby Talk" essay up at Salon

My essay "Baby Talk" is up now at Salon (my working title: "Talk Mommy to Me"). It's about age play, "mommy play," dirty talk, fantasy, roleplay, baby fever, TLC, surprising yourself and more. I'd appreciate you checking it out, and if you like it/find it interesting, liking it on Facebook, passing it on on G+, Twitter, wherever. I finished it while I was in Hawaii and am glad I wrote it. It's always tricky writing about someone else's sexuality as it intersects with your own, so I tried my best to keep the focus on my feelings and reactions. As for the caption, I don't think being a sex writer is the issue, but being a fairly experienced sexual person, who managed to encounter a new situation and direction, that somewhat tied in to my previous encounters, but largely didn't, is what I'm addressing.

Speaking of sex writing, I would love to see the widest variety possible in the submissions for Best Sex Writing 2013, my annual nonfiction collection, and that certainly includes first person pieces on fetishes, roleplaying, etc. I want to be entertained, surprised, educated, intrigued. Deadline is May 1st, but earlier submissions are strongly preferred.

(crib in the background - good job, whoever did that!)

Excerpt:

But the real surprise — which may be the most disturbing part, or the most honest, depending on your perspective — is what the age play stirred up in me. At 36, I don’t have any children, but I want them badly. “Baby fever” hardly begins to describe it. If I could pick up a baby at the supermarket along with my groceries, I would. And this unlikely sexual dynamic, the big baby literally calling me “mommy,” called forth powerful caretaking feelings. It was nice, for a short period of time, to be a mother, even a mock one.

Let me be clear: My maternal yearnings in and of themselves are not sexual. But my desire to comfort others does play a role in my sex life. Nurturing has been one of the ways I pride myself on providing to lovers. That might mean surprising them with dessert, sending them a list of the broken links on their website, giving an intense massage, mailing a package for them, or washing their dishes. Even when I’m in a dominant sexual role, there’s an element of caretaking involved. If I’m slapping or spanking or biting or pinching someone who gets off on me delivering pain, I am fulfilling a sexual need. It may not be the same as feeding them chicken soup, but it is still a form of taking care of them.

So while overt mommy play was new to me, combining kink and nurturing wasn’t. But this scenario brought my previous experience to a whole new level of intensity. We spun a fantasy in which I was sitting in a hotel bathtub, warm and full of bubbles, while he waited to towel me off, then gave me a foot massage. The stories we shared were far from depraved; they were gentle, tender, loving. I could see myself soaking in that tub, him washing my hair, stroking my feet, fetching food for me, sleeping at the foot of the bed. The sweetness offset the weirdness for me.

Read the whole thing