Fear and trembling and kinky age Mommy/boy play at Bedpost Confessions

Much catching up in the last two days of the year, so to summarize: I was so scared of doing Bedpost Confessions I put off finalizing what I would read til beyond the last minute. I half hoped the organizers would tell me not to do it, or that I'd be too sick to speak (I got a huge cold upon arriving in Austin but rallied for my writing workshop and Bedpost). I couldn't fathom what had prompted me to want to do it, save for the fact that the three-year-old event was uber-popular and I wanted to be part of the cool kids. I wound up going with my original long draft of my age play essay that was published in Salon and Best Sex Writing 2013, the version I wrote while on vacation in Honolulu only two months after the OkCupid turned age play date happened. If I'd known that reading erotica was permitted, I'd have gone with my strength.

But I got there in time for sound check and was amazed and awed at how welcoming and professional the setup was. These were women who know how to do a reading series right. For a second, I wondered what my fledgling In The Flesh Reading Series could have been if I'd been as committed as they are. The truth is, I almost forgot I used to run a reading series. I think I blocked it out because by the end it was so arduous and I worried I'd lose money each month, plus I was stuck in an easy but demoralizing job where I didn't get a raise the entire seven and a half years and felt like I was stagnating. But in Austin, people thanked me for running In The Flesh, said it inspired them and they remember it fondly, which made me remember it in a new way. It was a fancy stage, with two microphones and multimedia and a huge crowd who laughed where I wasn't expecting laughter, who waited patiently through my fear and shaking. I was humbled and honored and glad I did it, as petrifying as it was. Retelling that story also made me grateful that I'm what feels like a lifetime away from that girl, save for the wanting a baby thing. Clock is ticking so loud I often can't hear anything else. But that era of my life where I was seeking and searching and desperately dating and look for love in the wrongest places I could? It's all faded gently into the background of this new beautiful life where we are almost as different as two people could be, but have still merged our lives and homes together in a way that sometimes makes me pause and wonder how I got so lucky. You can listen to my attempt at storytelling here and subscribe to the Bedpost Confessions podcast on iTunes here.

Greetings from Austin, see you tonight at Bookwoman and Thursday at Bedpost Confessions!

Hello from Austin! I hope you'll join me or let your Austin friends know about my 2 events here this week, the erotica writing workshop tonight, Tuesday, November 19th from 7-8:30 at feminist bookstore Bookwoman at 5501 N Lamar Blvd A-105 ($15/person). Call 512-472-2785 to register or you can do walk-in registration too. Many thanks to do512.com, austintexas.org, The Austin Chronicle and CultureMap Austin for listing it.



Then Thursday night, November 21st, I'm expanding on my age play story at Bedpost Confessions, which sounds like a huge event and which I'm fairly nervous about, since I usually do better revealing those kinds of things behind the shield of my laptop screen, but I'm excited and think it builds character to do the things you're scared of. Bookwoman will be selling my books there too! It's the 21st at 8 at The North Door, 501 N I-35, Austin, TX 78701. Tickets are $10 at the door.



And a few fun photos from Austin so far, I arrived on Sunday and checked out the East Austin Studio Tour, which I highly recommend, and, of course, a bingo hall:




Fosters Tree - this was amazing, made with 9 miles of stainless steel!






I saw some little kids deconstructing one of these and thought it was allowed, like interactive art, until I saw them get reprimanded.


blue elephant behind Up Collective


We didn't win but I still had the best time playing bingo amongst what seemed like semi-professionals, with computers and words I didn't even know, though I liked that kids were allowed too!

Albuquerque and Austin, here I come!

I'm flying out to Albuquerque on Saturday night so I can spend Sunday, my birthday, there, and you can read more about that in the "Shush!" issue of TueNight. Very excited for sun and art for a week in New Mexico, and to meet the staff of Self Serve at Tuesday night's erotica writing workshop (7:30-9, you can still sign up on their site!). Speaking of Albuquerque, thank you so much to Weekly Alibi for this glowing review of The Big Book of Orgasms:

Keep reading, and you will find gay, lesbian, and bisexual groupings alongside the hetero hook-ups in long-term relationships, Dominant/submissive relationships, ex-relationships, and no relationships—casual and free. Writers Suleikha Snyder, Sinclair Sexsmith, Elizabeth Coldwell, Bussel herself and many more put into words the dirtiest thoughts of exquisite pleasure.

The stories are short, so choose your hand or vibrator speed carefully. Don’t be surprised when you have to dog-ear pages to return to your favorites. You’ll want to revisit these stories. Or should I say—you’ll want to come again.

I'll be exploring Albuquerque and Santa Fe, then heading on to Austin...

Where on Tuesday, November 19th, from 7:30-9, I'll be at one of my favorite feminist bookstores, Bookwoman, to teach Erotica 101. Call 512-472-2785 to register.



Then I'll be telling a true sex story at Bedpost Confessions on November 21st, also in Austin.

If you know anyone in Albuqeruque or Austin, please let them know! Also on the horizon: December 3rd erotica writing workshop at Nomia, 24 Exchange Street, Suite 215 in Portland, Maine, from 7:30-9. You can sign up for that one by calling 207-773-4774. It's limited to 18 people and is filling up fast, so if you are considering going, please sign up early Details on all my events are on my website, where you can also sign up for my newsletter on the left-hand side. Thanks!

Austin, Texas Erotica 101 writing workshop

Yes, I'm coming to Austin in November for this November 19th erotica writing workshop at feminist bookstore Bookwoman, and then to tell a story on November 21st at Bedpost Confessions. If you know anyone in Austin looking to try their hand at erotica, please let them know. Thanks!

Erotica 101 writing workshop
November 19, 7:30-9 pm.

Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 50 anthologies, including The Big Book of Orgasms and Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You'll learn how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. She'll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market (including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites). Whether you're writing to that special someone, penning longtime fantasies, or want to earn cash for your dirty words, this workshop is for you. Paper and writing implements will be provided or you can use your own laptop. $15 per person. Call 512-472-2785 to register.
Bookwoman, 5501 N Lamar Blvd A-105 Austin, Texas 78751

Dallas Bondage Expo coming up April 26th to 28th

Bondage Expo Dallas is coming up so if you're in Texas and into bondage (or just curious), check it out! I won't be there unfortunately, but it sounds like a blast. On the writing front, Laura Antoniou, Midori, Sidney Bristol, and Eden Bradley will be there, along with many bondage experts.

What being in Texas for Hurricane Sandy has taught me about life

The first thing I did this morning after pulling back the blinds to find not warm ways of sunshine streaming through the window, but light and chill, was check my flight status. It's a silly little game, because those can and do change at any time, but it's what I do, to try to get information, to try to figure out if I'll get home after what's become a two-week Texas trip. Anything I think about being here is tempered by the knowledge that so many have died, crushed or drowned, are without power, soon without gas. I have people who've told me their neighborhood looks like nothing happened, others frantically charging their phones anywhere they can, my pregnant friend without power and not able to contact me too often.

The next site I checked is the MTA, where there aren't so many ominous "Suspended" lines, but the ones I will need to get to my boyfriend are not running. He warned me not to come visit, that I wouldn't like the cold and dark. Surely not, but I don't care. What I've learned this week is that all the stuff that's littering my home, that I think I care about, is pointless. I can live out of a suitcase. I can earn a living from my laptop.

I've had some amazing discussions about just that, about this living I'm earning, or not earning, about whether I undervalue myself, don't truly believe I'm worth it. We've talked about Manisha Thakor and Money Zen and next on my to read list is Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want. I've found a new cafe, one with free coffee refills and delicious frittatas and friendly customers and staff to park myself at to work, but I've been forcing myself to ask some deeper questions: why do this at all? What's the next level? Why do I talk myself out of so many goals? It's National Novel Writing Month, aka NaNoWriMo (want inspiration instead of my doom and gloom? Multiple NaNo winner Marianne Kirby has it in spades!) and every time I contemplate it, it's like fear thickens in my blood, tells me stop, you won't make it, you suck, you failed once so of course you'll fail again. It tells me so many things, so loudly, so repeatedly, I have trouble hearing any other voices, but the peace and quiet and warmth here in Texas have helped with that. On the opposite end of my crazybrain, I have 2 novel ideas and 1 novella idea, plus an actual contract for a short story collection I should be making my number one most urgent priority.

Yesterday I worked, hard. Instead of waiting for Very Cool Travel Site to get back to me, I submitted the piece to Huffington Post. I got almost done with an anthology that I've been almost done with for a while. I wrote a short story. I cupcake blogged. I learned that my bank has a kickass app for depositing checks from your phone. I brainstormed. I read Grace Coddington's amazing memoir, making me feel better about lugging the giant galley in my suitcases. I surrendered any semblance of control and any travel savvy I ever thought I had. I learned not to travel broke, and it's made me ask myself some hard but necessary questions as I go forward, as I embrace what is possible, as I figure out whether this is all just a hobby or something I can sustain. It's not something I can answer in a day or a week, but I am grateful to have been safe and warm and cared about this week, to have been given the chance to ask myself those questions, and plenty of other ones, and know that I have so much more growing up to do, no matter what my age is.