Productivity

In all seriousness, lately I feel like I have so much trouble focusing on one single task. I either look at/think about 10 things at once, or the future, or something else entirely - like I'll be trying to write something, and thinking about how much money I (don't) have in the bank. Or I'll be trying to edit someone's story while thinking about a column I'm going to write...in May. It's a delaying tactic and I'm proud of myself when I can just shut out all the nagging, berating, confusing, troubling voices and just write whatever's clamoring for the most attention in my head, but sometimes I can't. Sometimes I just give up. And sometimes that's good, sometimes it means that I just need to do whatever else it is for a while, whether that's cry or jerk off or read or go for a walk or talk on the phone or whatever. But it really does sometimes feel out of control, and I realized something not so pleasant as I was, yes, crying into my pillow the other day - that that sadness wasn't about some guy. It was about feeling lonely and wanting someone to sortof come in and rescue me from my problems, and thinking that a fling or relationship or whatever would do that, when it's up to me to do that. It's hard though because I take on too much and not the most financially lucrative things, and then I start to resent it, and be jealous, and want things I don't have, and then it's really easy for me to be ready to chuck all the stuff I don't want to do to devote myself to someone else. OF COURSE it's way easier to try to tidy up someone else's life, to enhance it and do for them, than to tackle my own longterm problems. So I'm working on all of this. Trying to plan a little bit more and harness what writing energy I do have, when I have it and not be quite so hard on myself. It's a challenge, it really is, but ultimately worth it, I hope.

1,322 comments

There are (at press time) 1,322 comments on this post on Dooce's blog. 1,322!!! The mind boggles, but does not possibly have time to process all those comments.

That I'd even attempt to scroll through them is why I am 30 and still working on the same book I was working on when I was 23: I'm so freaking easily distracted. Maybe when I'm 37 it'll be marginally closer to being done. No, just kidding. Believe me, I know I work a lot and am way hard on myself, which is why when I let loose, I really let loose. Though chilling with the alcohol consumption has been good for me. I still marvel at how people just don't get not wanting to drink. There has to be a reason because otherwise something is so wrong with you. I love drinking, believe me, just like I love to watch TV, which is why I try to do both sparingly. I'm thinking more and more that I need some sort of retreat, getaway, hideout, something to force me to do these things I dream about at night and startle myself awake thinking of. I do some things so half-assed and I'm trying to stop, but then I freak out and cannot possibly conceive of success so I take the scraps, the easy way out, the minutiae that keeps me busy but doesn't really add to the bottom line. I could do that forever, I know, but after a while there has to be something more. At least, I keep hoping so.

More hot Black Betty 3 party pix

Let's get out of the way right now that this blog is not safe for work. Since my website has been banned from some law firms (love it!), just consider this your warning. Before we get to this, this photo is just so freaking hot I can't stand it. Literally, I am unable to work cause I'm just generally jumpy and horny. Which says a lot when you're "unable to work" and you're supposed to be editing dirty stories, doesn't it?

And I'm sure more will show up soon, I even snapped a few. Needless to say, NSFW, Tristan Taormino's House of Ass party pics and 2 party writeups:

DCX

Waking Vixen

The big question is...which photo will I run with my next Voice column?

These are my two favorite photos of that set by DCX (sorry if they come out huge, I am very clearly a word girl not an HTML girl even though Ali Z has explained this to me like 100 times)

- me with photographer Paul Sarkis

- her gorgeousness, Justine Joli

We do, don't we?

Congratulations, Jessica! Speaking of Feministing, there's a thread there now about my Who Pays? column.

Jessica Valenti's FEMINISTS DO IT BETTER, to Brooke Warner at Seal Press, in a nice deal, by Tracy Brown at Wendy Sherman Associates (NA).

Adventures in book covers: 4% Famous

A new cover for this one apparently:

4% Famous

Books to watch out for

Yes, Publisher's Marketplace is well worth the $20/month fee. FYI, a search for "blogger" yielded 35 results, pretty much all the usual suspects a few random blog types.

Melissa de la Cruz and Tom Dolby's GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS, an anthology of personal essays about the ups and downs of friendships and relationships between straight women and gay men, with contributions from Simon Doonan, Cindy Chupack, Andrew Solomon, Ayelet Waldman, Carson Kressley, and Elizabeth Spiers, and others, to Trena Keating at Dutton and Plume, at auction, for publication in June 2007, by Richard Abate at ICM (world).

A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project, the nationwide suicide prevention helpline for gay and questioning teens.

Journalist Nicholas Kulish's LAST ONE IN, in which a New York City tabloid's war correspondent is hit by a truck in Manhattan just as the war in Iraq is about to begin, causing the paper's editor to send their gossip columnist to join the Marines in his place, to Lee Boudreaux of Ecco, by Marly Rusoff at Marly Rusoff & Associates (NA).

Film rights to Mike Deluca for Columbia Pictures, by Shari Smiley at CAA.
rights@rusoffagency.com

Sherrill Bodine's RECIPE FOR GOSSIP, about a forty-something recently deposed Page6-esque columnist who turns her demotion to recipe writer a career comeback and finds love with a CEO along the way, to Larissa Rivera-Gonzalez at Warner, in a nice deal, in a two-book deal, by Danielle Egan-Miller at Browne & Miller Literary Associates.

Joanna Angel's tits

Joanna Angel's tits
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Joanna Angel with Tristan Taormino talking into the mic. From the video release party for Tristan Taormino's House of Ass.

Photo by Paul Sarkis.

it's really the glasses that do it

Justine Joli & Sunny Leone
Originally uploaded by Britphoto.

Justine Joli and Sunny Leone

Justine Joli and Tristan Taormino

Justine Joli and Tristan Taormino
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Photo of Justine Joli and Tristan Taormino taken at the party for Tristan Taormino's House of Ass. Tristan also had a photographer running around snapping LOTS of photos, I can't wait to see them. Photo by Paul Sarkis.

Okay, screw impartiality - Justine is SO HOT! Seriously, she was utterly, utterly adorable and very sweet. I look forward to seeing her in this flick and many more.

while I'm at it

Justine Joli
Originally uploaded by morbidthoughts.

More Justine Joli hotness

the infamous ass cake

the infamous ass cake
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

From the party for Tristan Taormino's House of Ass. One of 2 ass cakes there. Photo by Paul Sarkis.

Aqua Erotica 2 review

Aqua Erotica 2

Eros Zine reviews Aqua Erotica 2

The next story takes the reader into a whole other world, and smoothly so. "Taking It All" by Rachel Kramer Bussel brings us into the world of lesbianism with wonderful flair. Even if you have no interest in woman-on-woman sex (though I know few who don't), this story is so rough, straightforward, and hot that you can't resist sweating. Thanks to Bussel's wonderful writing style, you don't even know that the first scene takes place in a dyke bar until a few pages into the story. From there, the tale only gets steamier, but you'll have to check out the book to get all the juicy details. So far, the book is two for two, so let's keep reading.

More from Melcher on Aqua Erotica 2

Also, I've got 3 copies of Aqua Erotica 2 to give away March 15th at In The Flesh

March 15 reminder: In The Flesh

I have over a dozen books to give away and just stocked up on all kinds of candy, plus we have very kinky, amazing readers who are making rare appearances. Please spread the word!

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY MARCH 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

In March, In The Flesh features several of today’s most prominent erotic writers. Laura Antoniou is beloved by the BDSM community for her ongoing Marketplace series, as well as her diverse erotic fiction and kink-oriented lectures. Debra Hyde runs the blog Pursed Lips (pursedlips.com) and has contributed to numerous anthologies, including Leather, Lace and Lust and Best Lesbian Erotica 2006. Maxim Jakubowski, who’s edited 13 volumes of The Mammoth Book of Erotica series and written numerous erotic novels, makes a rare appearance from his home in London. Host Rachel Kramer Bussel will read her story, “Taking It All,” from the new anthology Aqua Erotica 2 (http://aquaerotica.melcher.com) Over a dozen books, including copies of Aqua Erotica 2, The Mammoth Book of Erotica, Amazons, Vanilla Slim, The Mammoth Book of Illustrated Erotic Women, and The Catalyst and Other Works will be given away throughout the evening.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include true confessions, GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.

you can't see quite how short my skirt is

you can't see quite how short my skirt is
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Or maybe you can. It was very short. From the party for Tristan Taormino's House of Ass, photo by Paul Sarkis

How to waste time, money and energy: a special tip for writers

Prompted by reading Miss Snark and wanting to know more about the book industry, I broke down and joined Publisher's Marketplace. So while I now have access to all these juicy deals, I fear that it will only set me further on my path of inertia as I see them and think "I'll never be able to do that!" Mostly I need a vacation and to regroup and figure out "what I want to do." But still, they are intriguing for a bookworm like me, here's a few that caught my eye:

Sasha White and Saskia Walker's KINK, an erotic anthology, featuring White's WATCH ME about a married woman, her exhibitionism, and the husband who catches her at it, along with Walker's SEX, LIES, AND BONDAGE TAPE, in which a backstage media secret leads to sex games, to Kate Seaver at Berkley Heat, by Roberta Brown at Brown Literary Agency (world). broagent@aol.com

Valerie Stivers's BLOOD IS THE NEW BLACK, about a young woman at a glossy fashion magazine who discovers that the reigning tastemakers have a thirst for blood, pitched as The Devil Wears Prada & Mean Girls meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to Allison McCabe for Three Rivers Press, at auction, for publication in summer 2007, by Joe Veltre at Artists Literary Group, developed with Farrin Jacobs (NA). Sarah Self at The Gersh Agency is handling film rights.
jv@algmedia.com

Paulina Porizkova's A MODEL SUMMER, about a fifteen-year-old Czech-born Swedish girl chosen by a modeling agent to spend a summer working in Paris, where the once ugly duckling is proclaimed a swan, forcing her to make decisions that no teen-ager should ever have to make, to Zareen Jaffery at Hyperion, in a very good deal, for publication in 2007, by Marly Rusoff at Marly Rusoff & Associates (NA).
rights@rusoffagency.com

Fun with siblings

So, my newly 18-year-old stepbrother is coming to town this weekend and I want to take him someplace fun. Any good brunch/lunch/dinner, comedy, entertainment options going on this weekend (Friday night-Sunday) would be much appreciated. Like if Comic Con was this weekend, he'd be into that. He's kindof a typical kid. We'll probably hit up a comedy show and I don't know what else so please please please let me know if anything fun and kinda teenager-oriented is going on, Manhattan or Brooklyn both work - rachelkb at gmail.com

Love Ahoy!

sailor2
Originally uploaded by honeythighs.

This sounds so cool. It's a live dating show at Galapagos! I want to go do it...I'm gonna try to make it on the 8th, details below or at www.loveahoy.com

The Love Boat sets sail on a collision course with The Dating Game in New York City’s only live action nautical-themed game show whereby three lovely bachelorettes compete for the coveted title of "First Mate".

Join your hosts, the legendary ladies man Jake Stronghorn and the "Red Hot Redhead" Miss Allison, along with Captain Schtüpping and the rest of the S.S. Hot Yacht crew for this hour-and-a-half long variety show, which features schmaltzy songs, hilarious sketches and titillating burlesque as part of the on-board entertainment. Special guests include Nerve.com dating advice columnist Erin Bradley, aka “Miss Information”.

Love Ahoy! is a FREE monthly event at Galapagos Art Space, Brooklyn on Wednesday, March 8th at 8:00 p.m. with a DJ dance party to follow.

Mondaylicious links

From Gawker:

"only a true friend would tell you to be a better whore."

From my awesome best friend:

"Sometimes you have to have sex to make up for previous sex."

Girlbomb rightfully blasts the FDA in "Plan A, Don't get pregnant" - seriously, Plan B not being over the counter is FUCKED UP. WE have these tiny amazing little pills that actually allow you to not get pregnant after having unprotected sex, yet there's a whole bunch of expense and rigamarole involved in getting them for no scientific reason whatsoever. (Sorry, for a minute there I forgot that I renounced being a feminist.)

Also, unless you're against porn, condoms and birth control, please don't buy Domino's Pizza.

A FORMER marine who was raised by nuns and made a fortune selling pizza has embarked on a £230m plan to build the first town in America to be run according to strict Catholic principles.

Abortions, pornography and contraceptives will be banned in the new Florida town of Ave Maria, which has begun to take shape on former vegetable farms 90 miles northwest of Miami.

Tom Monaghan, the founder of the Domino’s Pizza chain, has stirred protests from civil rights activists by declaring that Ave Maria’s pharmacies will not be allowed to sell condoms or birth control pills. The town’s cable television network will carry no X-rated channels.

Lastly, Heeb storytelling. They asked me to do this and I chickened out, and now I have 2 more months to build my nerves because I think I'm gonna do it in May. This one has some of my favorite peeps so I will be there.

HEEB STORYTELLING
Heeb's critically acclaimed Storytelling series returns with Passover-themed stories from Dan Allen (comedian, poet and scientific philosopher), Vivien Goldman (author, The Books of Exodus: The Making and Meaning of Bob Marley and the Wailers' Album of the Century), Andy Horwitz (downtown performer), Elliot Kalan (producer, The Daily Show), Anya Kamenetz (author, Generation Debt) and Yuri Lane (beat-boxing sensation).

DATE: Tuesday, March 28
TIME: 7 p.m.
LOCATION: Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A, Manhattan
TICKETS: $15

The World Famous *BOB*

img_8965
Originally uploaded by semyon.

If you haven't already, you must run out right now and check out The World Famous *BOB* at Galapagos tonight, or else very soon all over town. She won "Best Tits" from the Voice in 2002. She is gorgeous, fabulous, and utterly creative, and can mix a martini in her cleavage. I just interviewed her for my Voice column, the one that's proving one of my funnest to write (save for, well, the ones where I'm doing "hands-on research").

*BOB* is one of those people who make me realize how much I love love love New York, how even though I'm sure every city has its entertainers, I'm gonna be a total snob and say we have the best, and I'm so honored to live here. Even when I can't go out as much as I want to, living in such a continually creative, fabulous environment, and getting to, in some small part, add to it, means the world to me. I always go back to this, because it boomerangs and hits me again and again when I've forgotten, that New York is the least lonely place I can imagine. Last night, looking around the party, it was full of community and friends and people from such disparate but interconnected parts of my various worlds. It wasn't my party but I got to float through it and chat and mingle and realize that, after almost 10 years, New York is so most definitely my home. It's where I feel the most alive, and it has so much to offer. We are so lucky and sometimes I forget or shrug it aside, but the fact that on any given night I can go see hot burlesque babes shaking their booties, people who will make me pee in my pants laughing, writers who will dazzle me with their stories, or just wander through streets and bookstores and cafes and bars, play board games or cuddle or just make lover to my laptop if I want, is so vital. It's good when I'm forced to remember that all of life doesn't happen in front of a computer screen, and it really is people like The World Famous *BOB* and Tristan and so many others who help create a culture not just of sexiness, but of pleasure and acceptance for everyone. So yeah, go check out *BOB* and her boobs very soon.

Photographer recommendation: Paul Sarkis

A lot of people have been asking me for photographer recommendations, so I want to recommend a wonderful photographer who we ran into last night at Tristan's party, Paul Sarkis. He's fabulous to work with, and took a bunch of me naked and clothes, playing with cupcakes. He's also photographed Joanna Angel (in killer shoes), Seymore Butts, Violet Blue, Shari Goldhagen, Elizabeth Spiers and a bunch of other people. I highly recommend his work, so check it out and contact him if you're looking for headshots, photos for your website, flyers, etc.





Photos by Paul Sarkis

The party

FUCKING ROCKED. That's really all I have to say about it at the moment though you just might read about what a great time I had there and afterward in my next Voice column. Huge congratulations to Tristan for what I'm sure is a smokin' HOT video and what was certainly one of the best parties I've ever been to. Also: I'm all better!

Please fuck me with a sex stereotype

Or, "Because who really needs that pesky feminism anyway?"

I didn't get into Yale, where this email came from, so maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand the real meaning of feminism. So much for that Berkeley Women's Studies degree (actually, it's pretty worthless, so I really do mean that - the rest of this, if you can't note the sarcasm, stop reading here). If saying that, um, I sometimes like guys to pay for me on dates and I sometimes like to pay for them makes me not a feminist, alas, guess I never was one, right? Oh, and be sure to tell the bloggers over at Feministing, and, oh, I don't know, all those "feminist" readers I have too that I'm part of the problem. Or maybe they're brainwashed like me?

Hi. I'm not a regular reader, in part because whenever I do read your column, it's something like this one:
http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0609,bussel,72321,24.html

All you accomplished in this column was to reiterate that many other people who write brainless articles about dating are just as willing to embrace traditional sex stereotypes as you are. Here's the thing. If you want to embrace traditional sex stereotypes, fine. I disagree, and frankly, so do a heck of a lot of readers of the Village Voice who are too annoyed to bother to write to you. But really, if you're going to embrace sex stereotypes, please don't call yourself a "feminist." That's just insulting to feminists everywhere.

I think your piece reflects an unwillingness to consider the plain consequences of what social conventions you choose to embrace, as opposed to question. You seem to see some of those consequences, but you just don't want to focus on them. E.g.:

If a guy simply pays without making a big deal out of it, I'm impressed. It shows generosity and a bit of macho protectiveness that even my feminist leanings don't want to quench. I realize it sounds contradictory to demand equality but still want men to pay, but I'm not advocating being a dinner whore.

It doesn't just "sound" contradictory. It _IS_ contradictory. And the obvious contradiction has nothing to do with prostitution. Expecting men to pay because they are men is part of a whole cluster of social conventions that, taken collectively, are extremely destructive of equality in ways I'm sure even you can see. This kind of convention is part of what makes men think that a huge part of their desirability is their wallets, whereas for women (these conventions assert that) a huge part of their desirability is their physical attractiveness and thinness. People arrange their lives accordingly: I'm sure you can see that men around you arrange their ambitions so as to focus on earning more money -- to a much greater degree than women do -- because of conventions like this one. This may not be as bad as anorexia, but it's a similarly obvious submission to oppressive social conventions about what each gender's attractiveness consists in. And don't even pretend you are offering any serious argument that "macho protectiveness" -- which is apparently bound up in your mind with having a penis -- is some kind of non-oppressive, gender-neutral idea. That idea that men are supposed to be protective and powerful completely distorts the self-images and choices of both men and women. This is the kind of oppressive convention that makes it so hard for all of us of both sexes to live free. Individually, sure, we can behave in ways that don't follow any given convention -- but until columnists like you stop repeating and justifying these conventions, we'll always be "exceptions," and most people will just unquestioningly follow whatever the conventions say, out of fear of social rejection and a desire to be accepted.

You are obviously so caught up in the stupid assumptions of your genre (i.e. women who unthinkingly embrace various gender stereotypes) that you can't see how blatantly anti-feminist it is to blithely write as if we all live an amoral universe where no repressive social conventions impact anybody's life choices or options or ability to make themselves what they want to be.

I don't ask that you write actual feminist columns pointing out the patriarchal bullshit that surrounds issues like "who pays." That would be nice, but all I ask is that you honestly confront the degree to which you are choosing to build up and embrace sex stereotypes rather than tear them down. Think clearly about it and then tell us what you really think. Either stop treating this kind of oppression as trivial or stop referring to yourself as feminist. It confuses people. Also, it makes it impossible to take you seriously.

J

Getting better

Not much to report. Was in basically a head fog for four days and yesterday just slept for hours and hours, working in a tiny bit of writing and phone calls. Went to the gym today and am desperately trying to catch up on everything. Had a frantic half hour looking for my keys...which were in my purse. That kind of weekend but the gym felt great, and my mind, from all those hours lying down and drifting in and out of sleep, is highly fertile. That's about it, much going on tonight and this week that I'm trying to get a head start on, interviewing some people for my Voice column and just trying to remember everything I need to remember. Not very exciting but tis all necessary. Happy Birthday to Rachel F. and sorry I missed your bday party.

Also, Tuesday night, Mary Lou Lord is playing at The Living Room. Barring a high fever, I'm so there.

Starting my 2007 must read list

HUMORIST, PERFORMANCE ARTIST AND NOVELIST

JONATHAN AMES TO PUBLISH ORIGINAL GRAPHIC NOVEL,

THE ALCOHOLIC, WITH VERTIGO IN 2007

New York, NY–Critically acclaimed novelist, essayist and performance artist Jonathan Ames’ first original graphic novel THE ALCOHOLIC will be published by Vertigo, the For Mature Readers imprint of DC Comics, in the fall of 2007. The project was announced by Karen Berger, the Vice President and Executive Editor of Vertigo during the New York Comic Convention on Friday, February 24, 2005. Ames is best known for his critically acclaimed novel Wake-Up, Sir. Grove/Atlantic recently published his new collection of autobiographical essays, titled I Love You More Than You Know, to great acclaim.

THE ALCOHOLIC will be written by Ames and drawn by artist Dean Haspiel who recently garnered critical acclaim with his work on Harvey Pekar’s The Quitter. It is Ames’ first project with DC Comics and Vertigo. In this graphic novel, Ames explores the heart of a struggling writer, just coming off a doomed romance, searching for rays of hope through the tatters of his broken life. In THE ALCOHOLIC, “hope” manifests itself at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

“Jonathan Ames’s lyrically strange and offbeat view of the world is perfectly in sync with Vertigo,” said Karen Berger, VP and Executive Editor of Vertigo. “We’re thrilled to be working with him and artist-extraordinaire Dean Haspiel on this intensely personal, outrageously funny and wonderfully poignant story.”

“THE ALCOHOLIC is Jonathan Ames' first graphic novel, but it’s classic Ames, so unflinchingly personal that it’s hilarious, in a laughing-through-the-pain kind of way,” said acquiring editor Jonathan Vankin. “Dean Haspiel is the perfect artist to capture the effortlessly shifting tones of Jonathan’s story, from wistful melancholy to heightened physical comedy.”

About the author:
Jonathan Ames is the author of the novels I Pass Like Night, The Extra Man, and Wake Up, Sir!, and the essay collections What's Not to Love? and My Less Than Secret Life. He is the editor of Sexual Metamorphosis: An Anthology of Transsexual Memoirs. A new book of essays, I Love You More Than You Know, was published in January 2006. He is the winner of a Guggenheim Fellowship and is a former columnist for New York Press. Ames performs frequently as a storyteller and comedian and has been a recurring guest on the Late Show with David Letterman.

ABOUT THE ARTIST: Dean Haspiel is the author of super-psychedelic romances and semi-autobiographical comics. He was nominated for a 2002 Eisner award for "Talent Deserving of Wider Recognition," and a 2003 Ignatz award for "Outstanding Artist." He recently collaborated with Harvey Pekar on The Quitter, The Escapist, and Vertigo's upcoming re-launch of American Splendor. Dean is currently drawing Fallout, a meta-human pulp noir for Speakeasy Comics, and Billy Dogma for the online comix studio, Act-i-vate, while writing his Brooklyn bruiser memoir Lift Here to Open.

Even more link love

Because it's that kind of a night:

GirlyNYC giving you a preview of Tom Zoellner's book The Heartless Stone: A Journey Through the World of Diamonds, Deceit, and Desire and the perfect companion, Jill Solloway's hilarious essay "Diamonds"

A haiku for the sexless (and let me just be a little TMI for every freaking person who emailed me to say "three months? try a year/five years/20 years/etc." - 8 months is a long time without the sex, seriously. I am pretty sure it will not be another 8 months though, let alone 8 weeks, but whatever happens, happens. This amused me nonetheless.)

Karyn Bosnak wants to know what words gross you out ("moist" creeps her out; I'm still thinking about my answers)

Please deliver Judy McGuire's mail

Claire Zulkey interviews Self-Made Man author Norah Vincent

Paul Barman interviews documentary filmmaker Alfred Maysles (Grey Gardens is being rereleased on DVD with previously unseen outtakes)

So blasphemous yet so hilarious

Well, maybe not that blasphemous. As for hilarious--if I'd been drinking diet coke when I read it, I'd have spit it all over my computer screen.

THE KOSHER COCK SHOW

March 14th @ 10pm
Mo Pitkin's
34 Avenue A b/w 2nd & 3rd Sts.
212-777-5660
$10

The KOSHER COCK SHOW is a sausage party of Bar-Mitzvah boys gone bad,
breaking up any stereotypes you had about the Chosen ones. Why control
the banks and the media, when you can be like these guys - broke and in bed til'
noon. See your favorite downtown j-boys in a comedy and music extravaganza
guaranteed to thrill everyone but their mothers.

The KOSHER COCK SHOW features a gefilte fish of greatness; Comedians
Todd Levin (Comedy Central & Aspen Comedy Festival), and Seth Herzog
(VH1, Stella, The Baxter), introducing insane singer/songwriter Joel
Moss, sideshow extraordinaire Adam Rinn and hosted by Nightlife's Favorite Rodent,
Scotty the Blue Bunny.

This Purim, The Borscht Belt is turning blue with whole megillah of
would-be mensches who pull out the punchlines, sing filthy songs, wear
bunny suits and swallow ... swords, that is. This is a very special and
unique show, you don't have to be Jewish to enjoy "those crazy yids" work it.

Leave yo' bubbe at home and come crow with THE KOSHER COCK SHOW.

my "potential" mishap

One thing I've learned from working at Variations and doing my Voice column (and this latest one is #36, still hard to believe), is not to use the same word twice in a row, or even in the same paragraph. Usually I'm good about catching it, perhaps more often in other people's writing than my own. It wasn't until I saw it on Derek's blog that I realized I used "potential" twice in a row:

It’s crass to have to think about money when you’re trying to connect with the potential love of your life, and there’s potential for miscommunication and mistrust.

This is a case where reading it out loud isn't quite the same as reading it to yourself. I'm not perfect about reading my actually out loud, even though I know I should, but in my defense, the first "potential" is being used as an adjective, the second as a noun, and when I do say them, I pronounce them ever slightly differently. If I had to describe them, the adjective would end on a slightly higher note than the noun a little lower, maybe because of the context - the former is a good thing, the latter is a bad thing. Anyway, just one of those "oops" situations and I thought I'd be a total word nerd and share. Clearly, I am feeling much better in that I can quibble with myself over phrasing.

Seriously, it always amazes me how cathartic writing is for me, especially because I'll put off personal writing/blogging/journaling thinking it's not "important." I go through this mental debate that goes something like: "well, why type it up when you've been having these same thoughts spinning in your head over and over? No one really cares and what's the difference anyway? You'll get over it soon enough." But then, well, the thoughts don't go away, and they don't just stay in their same tidy little circle. They get darker and darker, until I'm second guessing every single minute decision I made, berating myself for this, that and the other thing, going over all these little things to see where things fell apart. And that's so pointless. But still, I always forget that while writing may not solve anything, it's most likely not going to make it worse. And somehow, without my even noticing, after purging all those thoughts, I really did feel better. And not mad or bitter or all that upset, just more disappointed. And not only do I have the most fabulous, supportive friends in the world, but situations like this force me to really ask myself, "Do you regret your actions?" "What would you do differently?" And really, the answer is no, and nothing.

I can't walk around expecting people to disappoint me or thinking the worst about them, or thinking the worst about myself. I finally have reached a point in my life where I think I can make intelligent choices about sex and dating, where I'm not so desperate that I feel overly flattered when someone likes me. I just sortof wait and see what life brings me. I don't think I'll ever be a checklist kind of girl because people, real ones anyway, who think for themselves, are so vibrant and creative and talented and unique, there's no way to cram all that individuality into a checklist. I don't like people because they fit some profile, and in fact, I probably like them more because they don't. The manesia happens when people (this isn't always the case, but often) are boring, when they don't stand out, when they don't distinguish themselves. I'm not really attracted usually to boring people. And that doesn't mean I don't like quiet people; I think quiet people are often the most fascinating because so much is lurking under the surface, and when quiet people open up to me, I'm so honored to get to hear what they have to say. They're not like me, yakking away all day to anyone and everyone, and their thoughts are a little more guarded but still there nonetheless. Anyway, my point was that a) I'm a lot better and b) I can't regret or apologize for going with my instincts. They may lead me astray quite often but in the moment, I'm doing what feels and seems right, and that's really all I can strive for.

Latest Lusty Lady, "Who's Paying for Your Next Date?"

Lusty Lady column, "Who's Pay for Your Next Date?"
Deciphering the tricky triangle of cash, sex, and romance

If anyone has anything to say about drunk vs. sober sex (a preference for one or the other, good stories, sex gone wrong while drunk, sex while one of you is drunk, one of you is sober, etc.), please share them with me at rachelkb at gmail.com - give me your name, age, anything else interesting about you, and what the story is. That one's running soon, as is boobiesexuals, then I have to see, I have too many ideas and not enough weeks. Well, I have plenty of weeks, because by the time I sit down to write them, my deadline is approaching, but I really do have columns planned all the way through June!

One comment

I was going to say "no comment" but I have too big of a mouth. You can play along, Where's Waldo? style, and find the logical flaws in this essay from the SBC Baptist Press News, which is largely a response to my "I'm Pro-Choice and I Fuck" column and gives me a kindof backhanded compliment of acknowledging that abortion does, in fact, happen because of sex. I didn't have room to go into every nuance of my argument, but it should be clear from that column alone that I am not advocating rampant unprotected sex. I still do not see how one goes from procreation being a natural (and I would say "natural") result of sex (which he does not define) to meaning that every woman who has heterosexual, procreative sex should then automatically want to be pregant. He's basically saying you should be having sex to have kids, and if you get some pleasure thrown in, good for you, when I would venture to guess that most people not actively trying to get pregnant through sex would claim that pleasure as a good in and of itself. But it's not an either/or proposition here people-either have pleasure or have kids. And, hello, the birth control pill, condoms, are but the most recent incarnations of contraception, which people have been using for a hell of a long time.

I can much more easily understand (not necessarily agree with) someone being against abortion, but to basically be saying you're against sex without conception does not make sense to me at all. Okay, my one comment is threatening to become many, and I think you can just read for yourselves.

No doubt sex is pleasurable; however, pregnancy is the natural outcome of sex. It is not just something to engage in when bored, curious or seeking pleasure. If the primary purpose of sex was anything other than procreation, pregnancy would not be the result.

Blurbs = happiness

Various happy news: Last night, I found out about a sexual fetish I'd never heard of, and am not totally fascinated. More details later, but let's just say there's a new column in the making, and I may get to be a fly on the wall at a porn shoot.

We're getting some awesome flyers made for In The Flesh, where there will be even more book and porn giveaways, and even free drink giveaways in March (though not in April where I have so many readers we will be a tight squeeze). I would love it if you'd link to In The Flesh/post about it on your blogs, but I will remind you umpteen times in the next few weeks, so not to worry.

Also, 2 years ago I edited an anthology that's finally being released in a few months, called Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica. For the first time in my life, I have blurbs! From people I think are really cool, too. Go blurbs! The recently gawked GirlyNYC has a story in it, and so do tons of other fabuous writers. In fact, here's the TOC:

1. If You Can Make It There, You Can Make It Anywhere (A. J. Stone)
2. Scary Date (Trish Kelly)
3. Diary of a Lost Girl, Part I (Lori Selke)
4. Poseidon’s Paradise (Kiki Veronika)
5. The Dressing Room (Tara Alton)
6. Zenda (Anna South)
7. Schooled by a Straight Girl (Khadijah Caturani)
8. Dressing Desire (Tenille Brown)
9. Looking, Really Looking, At a Painting (Jessica Melusine)
10. Betty Came (M. Christian)
11. Cinderella’s Shoes (Kate Dominic)
12. Practice Makes Perfect (Joe Bishop)
13. The Crush Party (Michelle C.)
14. The G-String (Jen Collins)
15. Action (Ana Slutsky Peril)
16. The Game (Alison Tyler)
17. Lap Dance Lust (Rachel Kramer Bussel)
18. The Manicure (Nell Carberry)
19. Gumshoe in a Cocktail Dress (Shelley Rafferty)
20. Trash Talkin’ (R. Gay)
21. Alicia (Dahila Schweitzer)
22. Two Girls in a Basement (Cheryl B.)
23. Cup Cake (Tanya Turner)
24. Sugar (Diana Cage)
25. Power Sharing (Tania Britton)
26. Mercy’s Pocket (Tulsa Brown)

"Rachel Kramer Bussel has scored again with this terrific collection of TRULY EROTIC LESBIAN SEX STORIES. Glamour Girls is an original concept whose time has definitely come: femme girls who seriously get off on sex with other femme girls--all with no apologies and no excuses. This collection is not only a satisfying read for the seasoned connoisseur
of sex with feminine women, but it's also an excellent intro to girl/girl sex for the many bi-curious women out there."
- Marilyn Jaye Lewis, Author of Lust: Bisexual Erotica; Editor of Stirring Up a Storm; Founder of the Erotic Authors Association

"OFTEN THOUGHTFUL, FREQUENTLY DELIGHTFUL. . . . As Rachel Kramer Bussel points out in the thoughtful and engaging introduction, some consider a double-dose of sensual femininity to be nothing more than 'air on air.' She and 25 other writers unapologetically, articulately, and erotically disagree. Whether a nervous novice removing another woman’s clothing for the first time or a confident daughter of Sappho urgently pressing her painted lips against those of another, the femmes in this collection prove that they and their passion are more than 'air on air.'"
- Theresa "Darklady" Reed, Erotic Writer

"Not recognizable as dykes on the street, the heroines of the twenty-six stories in this anthology combine glamour with chutzpah and creativity in ways that are profoundly queer, unconventional but convincing. THIS BOOK SEEMS LIKELY TO BECOME A CLASSIC."
- Jean Roberta, Erotic Writer and Instructor, Department of English, University of Regina

It's Friday, I'm in link love

It's happy time again. Already it's all fading in my mind and I'm onto the future in which I will feel better, pronto, clean, have a place for everything, go to fun parties, and maybe even cuddle. Or something like that.

I'm in love with Advil Cold and Sinus, which has somewhat miraculously made many of my symptoms go away. I'm still a bit foggy-headed but it's not so bad. I skipped out on some fantasy erotic event and Poetry Vs. Comedy last night to dish about sex work and writing with Audacia Ray and Heather Corinna, who was in town to give a deposition about COPA. It was lots of fun and we had plenty to dish about. Also, can I just say how much I love this girl? Shotgun and all. She rocks.

These links make me happy too:

Things You Should Never Say To a Girl On Valentine's Day" by Mindy Raf

Greta Christina on writing, creativity, and time - here's a snippet:

Only then can I start the actual churning out, the Godawful hard work of dredging through that black wordless place in my head, dragging out the stuff that might be good and trying to wrestle it into coherent sentences. It's like I'm tricking myself into writing, sneaking up on my brain and gradually turning up the gas. (Like a lot of writers, I don't really enjoy writing all that much. I enjoy having written -- but the actual writing part usually kind of sucks. I'd give it up, but not writing sucks even more.)

The fabulous Kevin Keck can't get readings booked because of the explicit nature of his writing

My friend Joel Keller interviewed Lisa Loeb: Part 1 and Part 2

The problem with fuck buddies

What I was going to write in response to Miriam's column is that my problem with fuck buddies and why I can't really have them is that I care too much. When I sleep with you, or even way before that, when I meet you and you make me laugh, say things to me that nobody else ever has, are unique in a city full of posers, I want to know more, I want to know everything. I want to know what your tattoos mean, I want to know what you look like when you eat your favorite food, I want to know what brought you to New York, I want to know dorky little things, like what toothpaste you use and what makes you cry and your musical guilty pleasures. I want to know all the little, silly things, like what vitamins you take and how often you talk to your parents. I want to know so many things and I guess I do this thing where I think I can find out some of that through sex, not the details, but something deeper, something that only comes out when we’re at our most passionate and vulnerable. I’m always fascinated by the sides of myself that come out during sex, the things I can’t afford to have emblazoned on my sleeve every day or I’d never survive. I really don’t have much of a poker face, I pretty much lack the ability to act any way other than how I feel, but at the same time, I can be a little reserved, a little waiting to see what the other person wants me to be. But there usually reaches a point where I let all that fall away and am just myself, and when I can transcend the everyday world with someone else, even if it’s just for a little while, I grab that chance without usually thinking twice. I grab it because I need it, because I can’t live in my everyday world all the freaking time. And this time, well, it was in part the 8 long months, but I’m not really a numbers girl. I can’t blame it on alcohol or anything else. I wanted it, I wanted him, I wanted something that you can’t get from witty email banter or drunken groping. I wanted, and I guess I got, something realer, fiercer, rawer. I went somewhere that made it okay to go with my instincts and fuck adulthood and just be a little bit not 30 for a little while.

I can’t regret that. Sometimes it comes out in the words. It’s not verbatim, it’s not a fucking transcript, but in my dreams or right afterward, these images pop into my head, and I try to capture the mood, the sense of what happened, the things that haunt me for days and weeks and months. The way a certain word or touch or look emblazons itself onto me and affixes itself to my brain, the way a few hours seem to stretch out into so much more.

I go back and forth between wishing I were more chill, wishing I could swoop in and out and not go that deep, wishing I didn’t remember as much or feel as much. I wish I could really feel that sense of nonchalance all the way inside, not just in the look I plaster on my face while trying to keep it together at the bar. But whether I like it or not, that’s not me. I wish I were, for once, the one someone wanted, instead of, oh, the lying sociopath or the married woman in another state or nobody at all. It's hard to feel like you'll ever measure up if that's the standard, and yet I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to improve myself, and sometimes I feel like it's all for naught. I'll never be whoever it is, the kind of girl who someone actually picks as their first choice.

But, in happy news, I am moving on. I’m really sick right now so my head is cloudy and foggy, and my heart’s a little erratic as well. I’ve been thinking about all the people I love, the ones who make me happy in little ways, the ones I want to impress, though impress isn’t really the right word. I want them to be proud of me, to know who I really am and like me anyway.

I’m not gonna dwell on the Tuesday drama anymore, because it’s over and done with. I made a decision and whether it was right or wrong, it happened and everything can be a learning experience. I can’t fault my judgment or regret going with my instincts because that’s all I have to go on. I can hope that I find people I connect with in the ways I want to connect with them. I will just say that at one point, he was asking me what I need. That wasn’t the time to share, because he clearly didn’t really want to take more than a cursory moment to find out who I am. At the bar, though, I came up with air, diet coke, bags and hoodies. All of which are essential, yes, but even more (well, than air), I need people who open up my head, who open up my world. People who are unique, who say things to me that nobody else does. People who are alive, who are not just going through the motions. People who are so themselves they infect everyone around them with their presence, who make me want to know everything about them. People who bring something to my life, as individuals, that nobody else can. That’s a really tricky thing, to be irreplaceable, but I could tell you off the top of my head so many gorgeous, amazing people who I have such a powerful connection with. Sometimes it’s silly and so personal that it wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. It’s a nickname or a private joke or a memory of a trip or a special word. It’s the way their smile lights up a room, it’s the way we read the same books or laugh at the same comedians or roll our eyes at the same annoying social antics. That’s what I need, yes, even more than my beloved diet coke.

It’s why there are still things, like Tasti Di Lite and Zagats and In-N-Out that just belong to K. They’re ours, and I always get a little bittersweet pang when I see them. It’s hard because I realized that despite thinking I can be all Bridget Harrison nonchalance, that’s not really who I am. I care, and it doesn’t take me long. It doesn’t take me long to want to send you cards and care packages, to want to do your dishes and cuddle and tell everyone about your band or whatever. I’m like that with everyone, and I know I sometimes come on too strong, but I believe in people so much, I want everyone to know how brilliant and amazing they are, and thankfully, most people can deal with my overzealous fandom. I know some people can’t; it confuses them and freaks them out, and that’s okay. But the ones who get it, who let me dote on them in my dorky little way, they make me happy.

And that need, that he so clearly misread, is probably the one that’s most vital. I need people to need me, to want me around, and sometimes I take it to a maybe too intense level. I want them to like me so much that I think the only way that can happen is if I give and give and give. But I also like it, I like bringing food, bringing presents, I like being full of stuff. I feel naked and empty with just a tiny bag, with nothing to offer but me. Sex may exacerbate this, but it’s not a sex thing. I’m not presumptuous to think that in a city like New York anyone needs me for sex but I always think that maybe they need, or at least, want me for something else, for my own unique personality thing that I bring.

Where I seem to go wrong is misreading that connection, in thinking something has transpired when it’s really all in my head. I really don’t know, I don’t have some grand conclusion or lesson. I’m not angry, well, maybe a little, I’m more sad because while I love meeting new people, I am not out to collect millions of new lovers or friends. I just want to find people who have something worthy to say, who make the world a better place just by existing, and maybe, maybe, find a way to have something personal and special with someone that isn’t just one-sided, that doesn’t end with me in that same really lost space trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I know, believe me, I KNOW, “it’s not me,” blah blah, but there’s only so many times I can face the exact same situation and not figure out that I’m doing something wrong. It’s sortof ironic that in the midst of my Rachel makeover campaign I feel so miserable, but I think the one way being totally sick and also totally mentally blah is good is that I remember that I’ve been sick before, and I’ll get over it. That makes me feel a tiny bit better, but doesn’t really solve all that much. I still feel really, well, rejected, for lack of any other better word. What to do with that feeling, how to move forward, is what I’m trying to figure out. What I’d like to do: spend a week in bed eating peanut butter chocolate Soy Dream and sleeping. What I will do: keep getting up every day, keeping being open to the future, to new possibilities, to liking myself a little better, to knowing I can at least control my own actions. And maniacally working my ass off and plan my beachy vacation.

When I read this originally, I was all fired up and thought she was totally wrong, but now I’m like, “oh, me too.” Lisa Dierbeck wrote in O magazine last year:

Sex strikes me as too intense a venture to be taken lightly. Thrilling and uncertain, it involves baring your soul, not just tearing off your clothes. Because sexuality is a powerful, anarchic force over which we have little control, it's soothing to pretend it's not big deal. I used to be blase about it. I treated sex like a swimming pool. Instead of hesitating, I always plunged right in. Now, as a reformed tramp at 40, I look back at my wild ways and wonder what planet I was on. I have more respect for sex, its hazards and surprises. Watch out for that sweet dark-eyed hunk at the watercooler; he may turn out to be a mean, manipulative jerk. And if you're hell-bent on a casual liaison, you might miss that shy, bespectacled geek at your local library who could set your heart aflame and worship you. Either way, a sexual experience is unpredictable. Offering a rare chance to feel transcendence-an ecstatic state that transports people outside themselves-the sexual embrace has a strong spiritual side. Whatever happens, having sex with someone changes you.

Tristan Taormino is the girl with the most ass cake

Visit Tristan's site (NSFW) for a coupon to print the page to get in for $10. 2 words: ASS CAKE!!!!



Adam & Eve and Tristan Taormino
present 
Backdoor Betty 3

The official launch party to celebrate the release of the second edition of Tristan Taormino's book
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
and her new video
Tristan Taormino's House of Ass
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Crash Mansion
199 Bowery at Spring Street, NYC
Doors open at 8:00 pm
Meet Adult Superstars
Joanna Angel & Justine Joli
Feast Your Eyes On 
A Preview of House of Ass & Exclusive Behind the Scenes Photos
Performances By
JonesTown & Bridget Everett

Signature drinks will be served in souvenir House of Ass pint glasses!
Enter to win an Adam & Eve sex toy basket worth over $1000!
Help devour the Backdoor Betty ass cake!
Get the book and DVD autographed by Tristan, Joanna, & Justine!

Admission: 21+, ID a must, $15 (includes $5 off the purchase of the video)
Get in for $10 if you print out this email!
All single men must be accompanied by a woman.
Transportation: 6 to Spring, J/M to Bowery, F/V to 2nd Avenue
Media: for guest list, email colten (at) puckerup.com
More info here:
http://www.puckerup.com/video/

Goodie Bag Sponsors:
Adam & Eve, Astroglide, At Least It's Pink, Babeland, Burning Angel, Cleis Press, Eon McKai, Eros Boutique, HoneyBun, JonesTown, Sphincterine, The Smitten Kitten, WackyJac

Get your Attention. Deficit. Disorder. on

Attention. Deficit. Disorder.

I have yet to read this, though I will, because Erin Hosier said I must and I adore her taste. I can't make this but fyi. The book and Brad Listi are also MySpace obsessed.

READING / BOOK LAUNCH PARTY FOR ATTENTION.DEFICIT.DISORDER (a novel) by Brad Listi

Monday February 27, 2006
7:30pm
Barnes & Noble - Greenwich Village
396 Sixth Avenue (at 8th Street)
New York, NY 10011
212-674-8780

Drinks to follow at Fat Black Pussycat (opium room)
130 W 3rd St. btwn. 6th Ave & MacDougal St.

A,C, E, F, V to West 4th

The Hottest True Confessions You'll Ever Hear

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
TRUE SEX CONFESSIONS NIGHT
WEDNESDAY APRIL 19th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

In April, New York’s hottest personalities share their 100% true sex confessions. From bad sex to porn obsessions to prostitutes and more, they’ll make you cringe, laugh, and turn you on (maybe even all three at once!). Featuring comedian Dan Allen, blogger and novelist Jessica Cutler (The Washingtonienne), Dategirl columnist Judy McGuire, Columbia Spectator sex columnist Miriam Datskovsky, memoirist and editor Felicia Sullivan, and your host, Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.

Reader Bios:

Dan Allen is a NYC-based comedian and writer. He has appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend and is a regular contributor for Us Weekly's Fashion Police. He is currently writing Kevin Bacon's biography in the sixth person.
http://taoofdan.com

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark. http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Jessica Cutler is best-known as the author of The Washingtonienne, both the blog and novel of the same name, which was published by Hyperion in 2005 and optioned by Sarah Jessica Parker for a television series for HBO. She iscurrently working on a second novel. http://www.jessicacutleronline.com

Miriam Datskovsky is a 21 year old writer and a junior at Barnard College, Columbia University, where she studies human rights and political science. Ms. Datskovsky is the Editorial Page Editor for the Columbia Daily Spectator, authors the newspaper's bi-weekly sex column, and speaks and writes about relationships. http://www.miriamdatskovsky.com

Columnist Judy McGuire has worked a number of very odd jobs in her life, including stints as an auto-parts delivery person, a heroin ethnographer, and managing editor of the well-known stoner journal, High Times. Ironically enough (to anyone whose known her for over a year), she writes "Dategirl," a sex & love advice column, for the Seattle Weekly. In addition to print, Ms. Judy has also worked in television, her latest gig being associate producer on a Court TV documentary about the murder of punk singer Mia Zapata, called Death of a Rising Star. Like everyone else and their mother, she has a blog: http://badadvice.typepad.com

Audacia Ray is a New Yorker, writer, sex worker rights advocate, alternative model, safer sex educator and intrepid pervert. Her writing has appeared in Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong, The SexHerald, and the forthcoming First-Timers: True Stories of Lesbian Awakening. She is executive editor of the Utne Independent Press Award winning $pread magazine, writes and edits porn site reviews at SugarClick.com, and was named #3 on Fleshbot's Top Ten Hotties of 2005. Audacia blogs and shows her boobs at WakingVixen.com.

A New-York based writer, Felicia Sullivan's work has been published in Swink, Post Road, Mississippi Review, Pindeldyboz, Publisher’s Weekly, and the anthology, Homewrecker An Atlas of Illicit Loves. Algonquin Books will publish her memoir in 2007. http://www.feliciasullivan.com

erotica snippet

Sometimes I do actually write erotica. This is a tiny snippet from my story "Choices," which is going to be in my anthology Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories of Lingerie and Underwear, out from Alyson in August.

While she watched in the mirror, looking on as if viewing a live action peep show, which in a way this was, her hand dipped under the glorious silk, crushing it to her stomach as her fingers climbed their way to ecstasy, first meandering along her juicy slit, then pushing deeper, seeking more. She made herself keep watching, even when she longed to close her eyes and float way on the sensory overload of probing fingers and nipples pushing against silk, of hard and soft, bending, hiding, seeking, all joining together. From this angle, she couldn’t see everything, and that was okay. It was enough to watch her first two fingers disappear inside herself, emerging wet and gleaming before plunging back in. She stepped closer, so she was touching the mirror, her fingers fogging it up, humping it almost as her body writhed against the hard surface, the slip the third player in her little game. It was so light, had felt like nothing when she’d taken the bag from the clerk, but it was that lightness, that delicate touch that she had to focus on to feel, that kept her going.

Adventures in totally hot book covers: Try by Lily Burana

Cannot wait to read this one either. Strip City is one of my favorite books ever.

Try

Plan B

All over again, as it were. I really thought I'd left those super miserable days of crying as I walk down the streets of Manhattan behind me, but I was wrong. At least I passed a bakery and got to do a little retail therapy at Borders (Reading Sex and the City and a pocket copy of Writing Down the Bones). Points for me for keeping it together when actually interacting with other people. And since I know whining about my super cliched situation of thinking some lame guy liked me for real is not sexy, and that I clearly need to go to dating remedial school, I'll just leave you with some women who've said things way better than I ever could. I think I will maybe just get "light entertainment" or just "wrong" tattooed onto me somewhere (though anything that gives me an excuse to indulge my love for Kirsty MacColl is okay). And develop thicker skin and try to do like Bridget Harrison, in a line I came across while reading her memoir Tabloid Love:

"The ability to act with blank-faced nonchalance towards someone with whom you had been in bed days before was a regular part of being single in New York."

My friend L was right, and I was completely, totally, utterly wrong, as usual, I guess. So yeah, Plan B, or C, or whatever I'm up to. I'm gonna be living at the gym and in front of my laptop, trying to somehow make myself better, smarter, tinier, worthy. Then again, I'll never be these other women who apparently possess all kinds of magical qualities I don't. Like being a sociopath, or married, or whatever. I do have some fun things on the horizon, like Boggle and maybe a boy who won't make me cry. In the meantime, I have a ton of other stuff to keep me busy, and have to work on my already highly developed manesia so I can just totally forget about any of this.

The Reputation, "Alaskan"

And in the end you took the easy way out so I let it go that seemed the easier route but I don't really feel like making you feel better about it don't worry I've done plenty of practicing these days I say goodbye more than anything and it's days like these that remind you why you learned how to tell such convincing lies you just shrug it all off and say everything's fine and when alaskan boys bear regretful smiles you return them all with the same flat eyes you think you're too old for this shit anymore but you try the other night you tried to explain I couldn't think what it would matter or why it would change things and darlin' you underestimated me every time you put your clothes on I'm so convinced it's over and still you keep comin' around you don't see what you're taking makes rules so we can break them and still you keep coming around but there's nothing I can say if that's just how you are nothing I can do to change your mind get us back to the way we thought things were I threw my hand down and walked away but I bet that you come back around some day.

Aimee Mann, "Deathly"

Now that I've met you
would you object to
never seeing each other again
cause I can't afford to
climb aboard you
no one's got that much ego to spend
So don't work your stuff
because I've got troubles enough
no, don't pick on me
when one act of kindness could be
deathly
deathly
deathly
definitely
Cause I'm just a problem
for you to solve and
watch dissolve in the heat of your charm
but what will you do when
you run it through and
you can't get me back on the farm
So don't work your stuff
because I've got troubles enough
no, don't pick on me
when one act of kindness could be
deathly
deathly
deathly
definitely
You're on your honor
cause I'm a goner
and you haven't even begun
so do me a favor
if I should waver
be my savior
and get out the gun
Just don't work your stuff
because I've got troubles enough
no, don't pick on me
when one act of kindness could be
deathly
deathly
deathly
definitely

True Porn 2 release party

FOR IMMEDIATE AND FULLY PLEASURABLE RELEASE

On Monday, March 6th, comedian Liam McEneaney from VH1’s “Best Week Ever” co-hosts a Manual Release Party with cartoonist Robyn Chapman for the release of her new book, “True Porn 2.” The party will be held in the Lower East Side’s trendy Lolita bar, which is at 266 Broome St.

In 2003, Robyn and Kelli Nelson co-edited and self-published “True Porn,” an anthology featuring some of the underground comics scene’s best artists illustrating true sex stories from the front-lines of the new sexual revolution. The book was so successful, it sold out its first two printings in three months. Now they’ve hooked up with a publisher, Alternative Comics, to bring fans “True Porn 2,” featuring stories that range from a sad sack’s misadventures turning down offers of threesomes to a woman who slept with a guy so that he would build her a loft bed.

Liam and Robyn, who are not only throwing this party together but are also ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, collaborated on a story for “True Porn 2” about Liam’s thwarted attempt to work as a mop-boy at a porn store when he was 17. Liam will be telling this story onstage at the release party.

Other performers scheduled to appear include Bob Powers (whose book “Happy Cruelty Day” will be published by St. Martin’s Press) reading a story about porn, “True Porn 2” contributor Karen Sneider (it’s her story about the loft), belly-dancer Leela Corman, burlesque dancer Nasty Canasta, and the all-cartoonist band Flaming Fire.

The party is Monday, March 6th starting at 8:00pm, at Lolita Bar – 266 Broome St., on the corner of Allen St. Admission fee is $5.00

Links for the lazy

The lazy one being me. And thanks for everyone who's said kind things in the last few days. I go up and down, all the time, within the span of a day it can happen several times. I've been both trying to kick my own ass by eating healthily and not torturing myself mentally, and getting about a zillion things done, so my sleep's been off and I've been a little emotionally erratic. So many good things all at once, a few so-so things, just a lot on my mind. Fingers crossed that I get a few days in Puerto Rico in the sun, where all I have to do is lie around, swim, and change diapers. I so need that right now, but really, good things are in the air, I can feel it.

Karyn Bosnak sells her book 20 Times a Lady (which I'm dying to read!) to New Line

Karyn Bosnak, who became a mini media sensation three years ago for her lack of credit-card restraint and for the Web site she created in order to beg for cash from the public, has sold her upcoming novel to New Line Cinema.

"20 Times a Lady," which will be published in July by HarperCollins, centers on a woman who has hit her sexual quota -- 20 men -- and decides to track down the previous 19 guys, hoping to have overlooked "the one." Bosnak will write the adaptation.

Portia Da Costa defends erotica

I'm sure any erotica writer worth their salt wants their characters to seem as real and layered as they are sexy. Hell, story people aren't worth writing or reading if they're not properly characterised. There's also a perception here and there that in erotica there's only one type of relationship. The sex. Well, that's not true either. The characters in erotica can share tenderness, respect, mutual protectiveness, fondness, and even just plain platonic liking for each other, as well as the sex. And HEA isn't really a differentiator between erotica and erotic romance either. I've read plenty of erotica where the central couple end up together permanently and happily at the end, whether that's in a marriage or as a non married couple. They don't have to, but a lot of them do.

NBC gives lawyers a bad name by trying to halt You Tube showing "Lazy Sunday"

WFMU is giving away a bucket o' smut

"Inside Publishing: A Publicist's Guide to the Business" at Poets & Writers (via Mark Pritchard)

Joan Kelly at Coliseum Books tonight

The Pleasure's All Mine

Joan Kelly, author of The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive and subject of my latest Voice column, "Big Bucks for Pain Sluts," will be reading tonight at Coliseum Books, 11 West 42nd Street at 6:30 pm.

Adventures in book covers: Exposed, The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn, Daughters of Darkness

Cleis does such fabulous covers, I can't wait to see what they're gonna cook up for my the super HOT book I'm co-editing for them (out Spring 2007). I do a little private (and invisible) dance of glee when I get a killer story in.

Exposed

The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn

Daughters of Darkness

Interview with May Chen, Editor, Morrow/Avon

Mediabistro From the Editors interview with romance editor May Chen, Editor at Morrow/Avon

Rachel Hills is my new heroine

We clearly needed an Australian to debunk some of the overrought hysteria of Female Chauvinist Pigs. She makes a pretty spot-on analogy that teenagers are the modern-day Hester Prynnes, and boldly gives them enough credit to (gasp) think for themsleves! Because teenagers never do that, right? I really liked this because she highlights the good parts of Levy's thesis while attacking the negativity and pessimism (not to mention condescension, blame and judgment) inherent in her argument.

Today's young women, they say, are lewd, crude and overly forward. Their clothes are too short and too tight. Like Alanis Morissette, they go down on boys in theatres and on buses on the way to bar mitzvahs.

Where Nathaniel Hawthorne's Hester Prynne wore a scarlet letter "A" for "adultery", today's teenagers have been branded with a scarlet "S". But it's not that modern lasses have gone all wild and wanton on us, it's just that the poor things don't know any better.

"Raunch too hot to be true," by Rachel Hills, The Sydney Morning Herald

They may dress up as Paris Hilton for a party or sing along with Jessica Simpson, but that doesn't mean they're making amateur porn videos or throwing themselves over cars in string bikinis.

That's not to say that we shouldn't be concerned when 14-year-olds have sex in drunken, semi-consenting stupors, or are coerced into performing oral sex in cinemas, and that such events aren't just the stuff of urban legends. It's not to say that it isn't a problem that so many girls and women see "hotness" as an integral part of their value and power.

But the way to deal with it isn't by clicking our tongues and grounding the girls until they're 30. It's to have adult conversations and ensure they have the knowledge to make decisions that aren't based on low self-esteem or misinformation. Read the whole thing

I hope some editor buys this 'cause I want to read it

Via Dystel

You're in the lobby of The SoHo Grand, or the St. Regis, or maybe it's the Four Seasons, eyeing the striking woman in head to toe Armani. She could be a trophy wife waiting to meet her CEO husband for a cocktail. Maybe she's the CEO herself, in town to close a major deal. Or maybe she's an escort. The law may call her a prostitute, but the only streets this woman walks are Fifth Avenue and Rodeo Drive. Neither nymphomaniacs nor emotionally scarred victims, today's female escorts are a new breed of sex worker carving out a large chunk of the women owned business movement. Motivated by the ease and power of the Internet, the ever-increasing desire for instant wealth and luxury, and a DNA makeup that's part risk taker, part entrepreneur, they defy stereotypes and challenge long-held notions about prostitution. 21ST CENTURY SEX WORKERS: INSIDE THE LIVES OF THE WOMEN GETTING RICH AS HIGH-END ESCORTS explores the lives of these women working in a profession far more fascinating than our own. Co-authors Lisa Orrell, owner of the largest escort community site in the world, and Michele Marchetti, an accomplished freelance writer in New York, take readers into a world largely untouched by the popular media and reveal why these women become escorts (forget the stereotypes - most of these women are ardent capitalists out to make a lot of money); describing movie-star lifestyles, complete with trips on private jets; explaining the social ramifications of their career choices; and narrating their wild experiences with high-powered clients.

Tucker Max defies the odds

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Don't know what the deal is with this but I think these were self-published or something, anyway Amazon tells me there are 2 out of print Tucker Max books, too. I'm a huge fan of the word "debauchery" so that would've sold me.

I've been thinking about it a little more, and I also realized that part of what I haven't seen before Tucker Max is a guy writing about sex—his sex drive, his sexual conquests, the specific sex acts he engages in—quite so openly, without couching it in humor, nerves, failure, coyness. Ames does it, yes, but this is a little different. Jonathan Franzen, take note (though I'm sure he'd find it awful and horrible and all those other things, because "every orgasm is more or less the same," right ladies? Or guys, for that matter. I know, when I really dislike something I've read, I harp on it, but I thought that was such a ludicrous essay (Franzen's "Books in Bed" which is reprinted in How to Be Alone) that I'm gonna keep talking about it.

Below (in ital) are the four reasons (edited slightly down from their longer originals) eebmore called me an imbecile (yes, I know he retracted that statement but still find his original comments worth quoting), and they're fascinating in light of Tucker, who probably gets laid more than, well, more than any guy I know. Or at least, that I know about it, because most aren't talking about their sex lives pretty much at all, or nowhere near in as much details, or crudeness.

I'm not saying everyone should be this way. Hell, I'm not. Which is why it's always weird for me when people call this a "sex blog" because I'm very rarely talking about my personal sex life here, not because I hardly have one, but because it's just not the right forum for it, for me. But anyway, I think Tucker's example alone (aside from the various other guys I brought up last time), should be enough to prove this isn't true, and that I was wrong—there are some straight guys talking about their sex lives, to much success, as well. I'm not sure why it's so rare, and yes, there are other men writing about their sex lives, but it's usually couched in the form of a problem, or an after-the-fact recitation. Rarely is it so up-front and honest, maybe for some of the reasons below, but if Tucker is making $10,000/month from his site, has a book (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell) on the NYT bestseller list and has girls swarming him all the time, I think that's pretty interesting right there. Maybe it's in how you tell it, maybe it's in sounding utterly confident, I don't know. I did find it interesting that the Boston Globe asked him what his parents think about his current career/lifestyle. I still think it's a condescending and infantilizing question to ask any adult, male or female, a way of saying "you should be ashamed of yourself," but for once it's not a girl being asked.

1. Men do not write frankly about sex because nobody wants to read a guy writing frankly about sex. It would be the prosaic equivalent of listening to a goon come into the office and tell everyone that he "got some" the night before. Nooooobody cares.

2. Men do not write frankly about sex because nobody would believe him/them. See reason 1, and add disbelief. It would be fairly safe to assume that such a man is a goon, a moron, AND a complete liar.

3. Men describing specific details of sexual interplay is about as hot as seeing a man walk down the street completely nude.

4. This is the humdinger most important reason that men do not write frankly about sex on the internet. If word got out that a man was writing specific, graphic details about his sex life, said man WOULD NEVER EVER GET LAID AGAIN, for the rest of his life. Ever.

Brilliant, beautiful, and almost legal to drink

I can't even tell you (but I can show you a photo of her) how much Miriam Datskovsky brightens up my days. She's like the little sister I never had, but even better cause we never fight. She turns 21 tomorrow and is kicking the week off with another brilliant column, this time about fuck buddies.

If fuck-buddy sex can be identified by patterns, fuck-buddy communication looks more like a solid red 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. So much is about how you play it. You want to play it cool so that he or she won’t think you’re interested in anything more—but not so cool that your fuck buddy stops calling you. Or you might want to play it cool so that he or she will be attracted to your chill attitude—but not so cool that your fuck buddy will think you’re not interested in anything besides sex. Everybody wants to play it perfectly; the trouble is that nobody sees things the same way. What one person thinks signifies romantic interest and what another person thinks signifies things are over may very well be one and the same



Send her e-cards tomorrow and read her column, "All Fantasies Aside" today.

Voice column help: Drunk Sex, Unsafe Sex, Number of Partners

I'm working on some new and some in-the-works-for-a-while columns, so if you have any stories to contribute, send me your name, gender, age, sexual orientation, location, occupation (if these are relevant, definitely need your name or a name, age, and gender) and your story to rachelkb at gmail.com

1. Drunk Sex - how much did you drink? what happened? who was it with? did you see them again? Would the sex have happened if you weren't drunk?

2. Unsafe sex - What happened? was it a one-time thing or a regular occurence? Were you pressured into it? Did you regret it? Did you like it? Were there regrets/consequences/concerns?

3. Number of partners - Do you count the number of sexual partners you've had? Did you used to count and no longer do? Do you care, for yourself and/or your partners? Is there a lowest number acceptable and a highest? What does the number of one's partners signify to you?

(All of these questions are starting points - if you have some crazy story, which I'm sure some of you do, you can just tell the story in an email.) Thanks!!

Also still working on hair color fetishes and the dealbreakers sequel.

She looks like an egg, but she identifies as a cookie

San Francisco comedian Heather Gold is in New York this week baking chocolate chip cookies in her one-woman show!



"I Look Like An Egg, But I Identify As A Cookie"
by Heather Gold
Feb 21+22
Ars Nova
511 West 54th (west of 10th)
tix: www.smarttix.com 1.212.868.4444
tix also available at the theatre a half hour before the show
tix $15 - ON SALE NOW
Ars Nova was featured recently in the New York Times as one of the hot new Off-Broadway venues and has developed and presented great performers like Julia Sweeney, Sarah Silverman, Sandra Bernhard and Seth Rudetsky. Producer Jenny Wiener is also the brains and kishkas behind Jewcy which has been tummeling hipster NY.

Surreality

No, not Cereality.

Yesterday, at a hotel in New Jersey, I got to revisit my youth in the form of a chess tournament, and it wasn’t pretty. I read all these memoirs where the author walks you through their dorky adolescence, or their quirky one, or whatever, and as I sat there reading Hillary Carlip’s Queen of the Oddballs, I realized I couldn’t have picked a better title. When I was little, from probably about 10 until 16, I played chess all the time. I went to tournaments at least every other weekend, took chess lessons, went to chess camp. I still pretty much sucked at it cause I was lazy and didn’t like to study, I just wanted to play, but I did okay, won some trophies, squeaked by on luck and perseverance. Because there sare such huge ratings disparities between the sexes, I got to go to Brazil in 1991, for the US Under 16 World Championships. My friend J and I wound up playing chess for maybe 2 hours a day and spending the rest of it exulting in the fact that we could buy beer at the local supermarket. It was fun, a little adventure filled with drinking and boys and dancing and waterfalls. But being stuck back in that environment made me kindof recoil at just how big of a nerd I was, how much time I spent doing something I have no interest in now. It was all very surreal. I saw a few people I knew, and the manesia kicked in a few times. I had just come out of the main from checking on my dad’s game, when Susan Polgar came up and said hello. She greeted me very warmly, even though we’d only corresponded via email when I interviewed her. It was surreal—especially when I was growing up, the Polgar Sisters were famous. Big stars. Untouchable. Judit, Susan’s little sister, was in Brazil when I was there and I barely glimpsed her. They were so cool, so glamorous, so to have this internationally famous chess player come up to me and say hello was already surreal, but cool. She was very nice, wasn’t playing in the tournament but was observing and meeting with people. Then this guy came up to me and clearly knew me, and I just as clearly had no idea who he was.

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” he asked, even though the look on my face said that plain as day.

“No, I’m really sorry,” I said, giggling a little to try to soften the blow.

“Guess who I am,” he said, and then I felt totally put on the spot. I suck at guessing things like that. I am the kind of person who will remember something from 20 years ago if I can, if it comes to me, but often can’t remember vital things I need to do today or what I did last week. My memory is very selective. So anyway, finally he told me his name and I think I know who he is/was, but I’m not totally sure.

Then, later, I was standing talking to another guy who I hadn’t seen in probably 10 years, who I wouldn’t have recognized, but he was really nice and I knew he’d gone to law school and he goes, “Yeah, this guy I went to law school with is a writer,” and before he said it I just knew he was gonna say Tucker Max. It was the weirdest thing—a month ago, I probably would’ve given him a blank stare, but now it feels like the man is everywhere. He even had 3 boxes of Tucker’s book in his car when he gave me a ride home, so we dished about that for a while. In the middle of all this another guy I didn’t recognize came by. He also seemed a but upset that I didn’t remember him, and I thought I knew him from chess, but it turns out I met him playing trivia at Baggot Inn a long time ago.

I think maybe it’s New York; people drift in and out of your life. You’re super close, best friends, email every day, want to know every detail of what’s going on with them at all times, and then, suddenly, you just don’t. You’re on their email list or see them at a show sometimes or read their blog, and that’s it. That’s fine, I realize it’s kindof a natural life cycle, but lately I’m trying to focus on my real friends. The ones I can tell anything to. The ones who are there for me. The ones who want to know more than what I write in some super lame blog. The ones who make me laugh, the ones I want to travel with, the ones who get the things I don’t say just as much as the things I do. So all these random people, like the ones I ran into, it was just weird. I felt totally out of place, so I dug into my book, and it also sucked cause I had errands I’d wanted to do and didn’t get home till 11. I hate being in places where I can’t escape easily. Where there is no public transportation and I’m at someone’s mercy to return home, especially when there’s little communication around when I will get home.

It makes me treasure being within my little world of Brooklyn and Manhattan all the more. At least we have subways (well, sometimes). I know that probably makes me a horrible snob, but as I was waiting around for hours I realized that writing is no long that little hobby I do once in a while. I mean, it is, of course, as I send out umpteen query letters and never heard replies I realize I’m still pretty much a nobody in the writing world, but still, I do have things I want and need to get done, things I want and need to get done, and have to really start making more time for them, even if that means putting everything else aside. It’s like being back in law school, having to skip the fun stuff, and watch from afar as everyone dodgeballs and goes out every night and I’m home. But at the end of the day, I feel like the biggest loser (not in any good way) when I let deadlines slip, when I fuck up, when I disappoint people, when I disappoint myself. When I make pretend “I’m writing a book” when really that’s just the biggest pipe dream ever. When I watch other people doing exactly what I want to do and just look at them as longingly as I do when cute babies get carried by in their parents’ arms on the street and I have to keep staring until they’re out of my line of vision. I hate this feeling of waking up and hating who I am, what I haven’t done, what I’ve become. I hate that, and yet only rarely do I step in and try to change my behavior. Very rarely do I step in and take responsibility and actually just cut the bullshit and do the work. But I’m trying, and I know this isn’t the place for it, because I don’t expect people to necessarily understand. It’s so internal, these amorphous goals, but I do have them. They’re so easy though to give up on, to assume that everyone else is smarter, knows more, has a master’s, gets it, that I will never achieve what I want to. But then something will happen, someone will out of nowhere show some incredible sign of belief in me, and even though I know it’s all supposed to come from within and fuck other people, I still need that. Because it’s not like I’m gonna be self-publishing this thing. So I have to try to remember those moments and pick myself back up, whether it’s from an unexpectedly long day in my home state or a night, day or week where I don’t get as much done as I’d hoped. I know I have to give myself some slack—it was a week of heightened debauchery, heart-pounding stress, a reading, a performance, deadlines, drama. Not every week will be like that, but I need to be more prepared, not so behind. I need to be ready for anything, as the book I read in Turkey advises. I need to take a little of the spirit of the Hillary Carlips and Tucker Maxes—of not trying to be like everyone else—and use it to believe that I can get there, even if it’s a few years later than planned, that my life won’t always be the way it is now, that tomorrow will be better than today. I believe those things, yet I also have to remind myself, a lot. And hey, I could be my utterly dorky 13-year-old self again. I will take 30, with all its unique challenges, charms and dilemmas, over 13, any day, even on my worst day.

I’m also working on things like taking responsibility for my actions, but not apologizing for things that aren’t my fault. More another time on how Fridays have been pretty sucky days lately (though seeing Grey Gardens with girlynyc was a delightful exception), but recently someone was pretty rude to me about something that I know was not my fault, but I felt so bad about it anyway. Maybe because I was kindof horrified that someone I had previously admired was so caustic towards me, when I hadn’t done anything wrong and it really didn’t seem like that huge of a deal to me, but after walking down 8th Avenue and almost bursting into tears (I settled for just a bit of tearing up, probably because I then had to go meet some people at a bar), I realized it was her problem, entirely, not mine. I mean, I did my best to rectify it, but at the end of the day, trying to take on everyone else’s drama is a surefire way to send me into big trouble. That’s also something I used to do and am trying to be a bit more of an adult about. I don’t pretend I’m all that mature just cause I’m 30. I feel as lost and confused as ever much of the time, but sometimes I can find ways to overcome that. Like writing, how funny, or not, how rarely I actually use writing to help me get over my inertia and freakedoutness. Not this drivel, but other stuff. I even wrote two stories this week, called “Animals” and “Feeder,” that might even get published if I’m lucky. Okay, now I must try to use my remaining weekend time wisely, especially because unlike almost everyone else I know, I have to work on Monday.

Weekend must read

The new issue of Fresh Yarn is up and you really MUST READ Kambri Crew's "Just Like My Daddy," about life with her deaf dad and mom.

Hopefully I can get someone to tape it for me

Susan Shapiro can be seen fixing up the singer Lisa Loeb on the E! Entertainment show "#1 Single"
Sunday February 26 at 10 p.m. (rerun at 1 a.m.)

March 15th In The Flesh lineup

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY MARCH 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

In March, In The Flesh features several of today’s most prominent erotic writers. Laura Antoniou is beloved by the BDSM community for her ongoing Marketplace series, as well as her diverse erotic fiction and kink-oriented lectures. Debra Hyde runs the blog Pursed Lips (pursedlips.com) and has contributed to numerous anthologies, including Leather, Lace and Lust and Best Lesbian Erotica 2006. Maxim Jakubowski, who’s edited 13 volumes of The Mammoth Book of Erotica series and written numerous erotic novels, makes a rare appearance from his home in London. Host Rachel Kramer Bussel will read her story, “Taking It All,” from the new anthology Aqua Erotica 2.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include true confessions, GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.

Reader Bios:

Laura Antoniou has been writing erotica for over 20 years. In addition to the Marketplace series (The Marketplace, The Slave, The Trainer, The Academy, and The Reunion), she has also authored The Catalyst and Other Tales and edited three Leatherwomen anthologies. Antoniou has also contributed to numerous collections, including Writing Below the Belt: Conversations with Erotic Authors and The Burning Pen: Sex Writers on Sex Writing. Her notorious 1995 essay, “Unsafe at Any Speed, or, Safe, Sane and Consensual, My Fanny,” was first presented at the University of Washington, and she has also been a featured speaker at Columbia University, Rutgers University, the New School, and New York University as well as at s/m and leather conferences. http://www.iron-rose.com/marketplace

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark. http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Debra Hyde writes across orientation and tastes when she concocts her many
erotic tales. Her work has appeared in a good three dozen anthologies, most
recently in Aqua Erotica 2, Best Lesbian Erotica 2006, and Out of Control:
Hot, Trashy, Man-on-man Erotica and the extensive nonfiction collection
Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong : The Disinformation Guide to the
Extremes of Human Sexuality (and everything in between). Debra keeps the
long-running weblog, Pursed Lips, and produces the newly launched podcast,
Pursed Lips, Speaking, where she explores the intersection between sex and
Culture—and tells the occasional, real-life dirty story. http://www.pursedlips.com

Maxim Jakubowski is a British writer and editor of the bestselling
Mammoth Books of Erotica series, which has now reached 13 volumes. He lives in
London and this will be only his 3rd ever reading in the USA. His recent books include
Life in the World of Women, Kiss Me Sadly, The State of Montana and Skin In Darkness,
which have all been reissued in recent months in America. Appearing soon are his collection
of stories Fools for Lust, his round-robin erotic novel American Casanova and, in the fall,
his latest novel Confessions of a Romantic Pornographer. He has been called by no less
than The Times ‘The King of the Erotic Thriller.’

Photographer Erika Kuciw's "Beautiful, Confident, Vulnerable" Women

Photographer Erika Kuciw has an upcoming gallery show and I'm in it! Plus lots of other women, some of whom you may recognize (Raven and baby Marlena, for one). I'm a big fan of black and white photography and was very happy to finally see these photos. Here's the info on the show. Erika is also looking for women to photograph so contact her (email address at her site) for more info.

Beautiful, Confident, Vulnerable Women strives to find what is real in the female form; to expose the raw beauty of the feminine spirit, without the labels that society ascribes to it. The impossible ideals personified in television and magazine ads coalesce into the singular image of an empty, plastic woman who does not exist.

The women in this project do. We are real, and we have revealed ourselves to the camera as we really are. Don't just look at us—look into us. The hope and loss, rage and joy, fear and defiance of our everyday lives are the beautiful truth of our existence.

February 21 - May 20, 2006
Inner Peace Gallery
538 Westbury Ave.
Carle Place, NY 11514
516-333-6611

Gallery Hours:
Tuesday - Friday: 11am - 7pm
Saturday: 11am - 3pm
Closed Sunday & Monday

Female Chauvinist Pigs discussion group guide

I'm gonna get cracking on this discussion guide ASAP. Also, news flash, Jenna Jameson may be (one of?) the most popular/well-known porn star in the world, but she's not the only porn star in the world. I think that question goes to the heart of what I can't stand about the FCP argument--the judgment. We're asked to judge, and find wanting, all these women who've either made sex some part of their career, or just created sexual entertainment a la Sheila Nevins or Melinda Gallagher and Emily Kramer. I feel like Levy is asking us to judge them and find them FCPs, or shallow whores, really, there's not qualitative difference that I can see in the level of judgment and scorn amongst those terms, and I think the phrase and the ideology encompasses a lot more women than, say, girls who've been in GGW, or wanted to be. If "to be alive is to be sexual," I would hope we could strive for a broader definition of sexual freedom to encompass all the varied choices we have in how to express our sexuality. I'm not saying there aren't culturally sanctioned sexual roles for women, but I am saying that just because something is the culturally (male) approved version of sexuality that makes it automatically wrong.

Our sexual desires are so, so, so complex. If I've learned anything about myself while doing the writing and work I do, it's that. I don't think we can look at any person, male or female, and decide whether they are "liberated" or not, whether they are happy or not, whether they are sexually satisfied or not. How do we know? And when we do have their take on it, in the form of a NYT bestseller, is it fair to distort that person's voice completely?

I mean, what is the point of the question below if not to pit "you" (aka a real woman) vs a "stripper" (aka a filthy FCP sex worker)?

f. If someone told you that a thong is the same as the g-strings that strippers wear, would that stop you from wearing them?

It's great to know our feminist history, but a) it's 2006 and things are a lot different than they were 150 years ago and b) even back then we were dealing with the whole Madonna/whore dichotomy - see Victoria Woodhull. And yet the fear of sexual honesty and bluntness permeates everything. Cristina Page told me she "cringed" when she saw that I'd titled my column "I'm Pro-Choice and I Fuck."

And you know what? I am not saying I think we need to take away the magic, the poetry, the beauty and the intimacy of sex. But it's not an either/or proposition; it's not about bringing these topics into the public discussion at the expense of our highly personal sexual lives. It's about creating spaces for people to explore what it is that will liberate them. That is going to be different for every person. Some might find it in celibacy, or monogamy, or online porn, or cybersex, or spanking, or flirting, or bondage or whatever, and really I meant either/or for all of these things. These are such big categories too. I'm always fascinated by the people for whom sex isn't easy, isn' a simple, straightforward endeavor. Not everyone has a simple "type" or a single way they get off. Well, probably nobody does. We can be turned on by almost anything and I think to focus on whether someone has a stripper pole without looking at the broader context of their lives is inaccurate.

I know it seems like I keep harping on FCP, which I am, but only because it brings to light, for me, the large contradictions within feminism and within our current culture. I don't even know what having sex "like a man" means, whether for queers or straights.

To be totally fair, I'm sure Levy and I agree on some things. Here's an interesting Q&A with her at the Simon & Schuster site. I guess it's the level of coercion and lack of autonomy we disagree about. I think that plenty of women are channeling their sexuality into means that they desire, control, and create, not just the culturally pre-approved roles, not to mention that sometimes these two mesh. Here's an excerpt from the interview:


Q: Can raunch culture offer women a new kind of freedom?

A: If we were becoming a less restrictive society and letting women experiment with sexuality in all different ways that would be great; I'd be all for it. But that's not what's happening. One very particular and very commercial brand of sexual expression -- implants! Playboy! wet t-shirt contests! porn! -- seems to be the only thing that registers for us as hot. Is this really what turns us -- or men -- on the most? To find out, we would have to stop endlessly reiterating this fairly dull shorthand for sexiness. Any time you have a rigid role cut out for women, whether it's as an angel in the house or a table-dancing exhibitionist, it's problematic, it's limiting. It doesn't bring us any closer to the fundamental feminist project of allowing every woman to be her own, specific self.

Q: Why hasn't there been a backlash from prominent feminists about this trend towards raunch? A: It isn't that older feminists have been asleep on the job, it's that we've stopped listening to them. Part of this is generational. Many of the women with the greatest minds in the women's liberation movement of the 1970's are now in their sixties so they aren't necessarily up on hip hop or Paris Hilton or any of the other things that dominate pop culture today. (I don't think Betty Friedan would have felt particularly comfortable reporting on spring break with Girls Gone Wild, for example.) I'm thirty years old, so I grew up on this -- I'm fluent in raunch. I think that older feminists (my mother comes to mind) just find this trend incomprehensible, repellent. To me it feels familiar and mundane, which makes it much easier to get inside of and write about.

And the one word that's bolded in the next answer:

"...sexual expression needs to be rooted in sexual feeling or it really isn't all that sexual."

I think this is perhaps one kind of ideal, but who can control it? Police it? Who'd want to? What about sexual expression being a mix of sexual feeling and all the other factors that go into every decision we make? To think sex will never be fraught with so many motivations, many of them not necessarily about arousal, is silly. I'm not saying just give up and give in and do what someone else wants you to do, just that it's more complicated and I think that it's not as dire as Levy paints it. Maybe teens now aren't being ironic in their actions, but they are experiencing their first taste of (erotic) power, and can learn from that - in both healthy and unhealthy ways, but we've all been there, done that to some extent. This is what Jill Soloway writes about in her book-the alluring, seductive power of female sexuality as well as the trouble it can get you into. It's a paradox and I think plenty of women play around with it, trying on various sexual roles, figuring out what works for them when.

Discussion Group Guide for Female Chauvinist Pigs

In Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy has uncovered and put a name to a disturbing new character in American culture: the female chauvinist pig (FCP), a woman who objectifies other women -- and sells herself out as well.

If male chauvinist pigs of years past thought of women as pieces of meat, female chauvinist pigs of today are doing them one better. With a wink and nudge, they are welcoming back strippers, porn stars, and Playboy Bunnies as heroes of post-feminist culture.

FCPs are everywhere you look. These women are not on the outskirts, they're typical of a culture obsessed with Britney Spears, breast implants, and Brazilian bikini waxes. Levy coins the term "raunch culture" to define the spread of the aesthetics and values of a red light district into mainstream society and she argues that this trend has become so pervasive, we barely notice it in action.

1. In Chapter One, Ariel Levy lists several eye-opening examples of the prevalence of raunch in mainstream culture. What examples surprised you the most?

2. Who are the FCPs in your life? Do you see them among your peer group? In your daughter's peer group?

3. Are you an FCP? Ask yourself and/or members of your reading group the following to find out:

a. Have you ever worn a Playboy Bunny t-shirt?

b. Do you consider Jenna Jameson to be a liberated woman?

c. Have you ever taken a Cardio Striptease class?

d. Have you ever been to a strip club? Why did you go?

e. Have you ever flashed your breasts to strangers? Have you ever wanted to be one of the girls on "Girls Gone Wild"?

f. If someone told you that a thong is the same as the g-strings that strippers wear, would that stop you from wearing them?

g. Do you know anyone who has done any of these things?

h. Do you think raunch culture offers women a new kind of freedom?

4. Does the female chauvinist pig really reach parity with a man? Does this behavior make her an equal, or does it actually undermine her power?

5. Before reading Female Chauvinist Pigs, were you familiar with "bois" and women who try to "have sex like men"?

6. Do you believe all the women who embrace raunch culture are trying to be FCPs? Or is it a case of simply following the trends in fashion and media to conform with their peers?

7. Do you see a double standard in society when women embrace debasing sexual stereotypes to feel empowered yet men don't have to? When it comes to sex, do you think men and women are looking for different things? Do you think our culture still has a "slut/stud" double standard when it comes to promiscuity?

8. How much of the FCP is a sign that women are still judged more on their appearances than their accomplishments? Is it possible to raise young women's awareness of what's wrong with the whole raunch concept?

9. If you have a daughter, or if you did, what do/would you teach her about her sexuality? How much would you expect her to learn in school? What kind of message would you want to give your daughter about self presentation? Would you have specific rules about what she could and couldn't wear? And how would that differ from what you'd teach your son?

10. What do you think the feminist movement accomplished? In what ways, if any, is it relevant to your life? How are your views and experience of sexual freedom different from your mother's?

11. Do you think the phrase "like a man" is a compliment?

12. Who, do you believe, is responsible for the rise of the FCP? Is this a natural backlash among young women against the political correctness of the 1980s and 1990s?

13. How do you explain the apparent contradiction of the rise of raunch culture at the same time as the rise to political power of right-wing, evangelical conservatives? Is one phenomenon a reaction to the other, or is it simply coincidence?

14. You've read Levy's book and discussed the questions above. In the final analysis, is there anything in raunch culture for women who embrace raunch culture? Is it an inevitable part of the feminist journey -- the pendulum swinging one way before coming back the other -- or is the path of an FCP a dead end for women? Where does feminism go after flirting with the FCP identity?

Random tidbits before my head explodes

Up to my eyeballs in feet and shoe erotica, amongst everything else. Fingers crossed that my vacation plans come through - what a freaking week. Fun stuff for sure but also crazy busy and stressful.

I like that Michael Malice's blog now says "My blog got fucked."

New York Press covers the Cuddle Party I attended. I'm going to the postponed singles Cuddle Party this Sunday.

Way after the fact, The New York Times covers Dontdatehimgirl.com. My favorite sentence (aside from my overall amusement/horror at the levels of, um, desperation of some of these online daters), reads:

People can invest time and emotion in a person who turns out to be a romantic fiction.

Is it me, or is this true ANY TIME YOU GO OUT WITH ANYONE? How are these sites doing anything but fuelling people's anger and desire for revenge, fostering suspicion, and overall casting a very negative pall over online dating? If the sentence quoted above is a news flash to you, then maybe you need to stop looking for a date and start looking inward. I have learned the very hard way that trust is something that has to be earned. Use google, use good judgment, use people skills, trial and error, but don't think that some website promising a false notion of sisterhood is going to be the key to your dating nirvana.

Here's my take on the site from last September. These newer incarnations I feel similarly about but haven't really checked out, I must say. But fyi, just cause you read it on the internets doesn't mean it's true.

Ian Kerner's sitcom deal

FYI - via Nerve and the futon critic, news of an NBC comedy pilot author and sex therapist Ian Kerner (She Comes First, He Comes Next). Fellow Regan Books author Stephanie Klein (Straight Up & Dirty: A Memoir) is also working on a comedy for NBC.

UNTITLED IAN KERNER PROJECT (NBC, New!) - The life of New York-based sex therapist Ian Kerner ("She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman") is set to be the focus of a new comedy at NBC. Mark Torgrove & Paul Kaplan ("The George Lopez Show") and Eric & Kim Tannenbaum ("Two and a Half Men") are on board to executive produce the project, which will revolve around a recently married couple whose lives are complicated by the fact that the husband is a well-known sex therapist. Kerner himself, who co-hosts the Discovery Health Channel series "Love on the Rocks" and regularly appears on the syndicated series "Starting Over," will help co-create the series, which is set up at the Tannenbaums' Warner Bros. Television-based banner. NBC has given a script order to the project with a hefty penalty attached if it doesn't make it to pilot.

if you haven't visited already...

Had a bad day, dear?
Originally uploaded by The Department.

Won't you visit my cupcake blog, Cupcakes Take the Cake? Also, we are always looking for people to interview about cupcakes - we've interviewed Lisa Loeb, Warren Brown, Mr. Met, and many others!

Dave Naz photo hotness

I told you the other day about the amazing photos Dave Naz, takes, but am going to tell you again because he has these fabulous, hardcover photography books that are just so amazing, they will make you salivate, at least, they do for me. I am partial to Lust Circus myself. I particularly like this photo, probably because of all that luscious red hair.

Lust Circus

Panties

Legs

Rejection and acceptance

When I was at The Rejection Show, I got interviewed by an AP reporter.

Thank you to everyone who came out last night to In The Flesh and brought your enthusiasm, thirst, and boobs. It was the perfect end to an extremely stressful day. I read a story about a sexy slip and gave away lots of prizes.

The stress made me realize, once again, that I have the best friends in the world - thanks to HS, EN, and especially EK who all totally rock.

Also, Miriam Datskovsky was on NPR the other day, along with Meghan Daum, Jillian Straus, and Kyle Smith, talking about "Twenty-something Love."

In The Flesh is tonight!

And the Playgirl party with open bar and magazines (and, I've heard, goodie bags), is downstairs from 8 - 10.



IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

Bask in the post-Valentine’s Day afterglow with the hottest, sexiest words in the city! February welcomes a stunning mix of performers, including M.J. Rose (Lip Service, The Delilah Complex), Carol Taylor (Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales, Brown Sugar series), Lauren Sanders (With or Without You, Kamikaze Lust), and two contributors to Wanderlust, Melvin E. Lewis and SékouWrites, along with a naughty tale from host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Copies of The Delilah Complex and Wanderlust will be given away throughout the evening along with a signed poster of The Delilah Complex. Free refreshments will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include fetishes, true confessions, GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.

Citizen Cake blog and SF Chron mention

I've been meaning to mention the Citizen Cake blog, the first cupcake/cake-related blog by a bakery that I know of, but The San Francisco Chroncile's blog beat me to it. Thanks for the link and welcome to any SF readers!

Modern reprinting

I'm not a fan of the NYT's Modern Love column reprinting essays from anthologies, like Sunday's forthcoming Veronica Chambers essay. Not only because I have an advance of the anthology, The May Queen, but also because those works will be or are available to the reading public, and I know plenty of people who actually have interesting Modern Love stories. Or maybe I'm just bitter because Modern Love (along with every editor I've queried, probably about 10 or so, in the last 2 months), never got back to me about my submissions. Yes, I'm smart enough to know that silence means NO and I have other stuff going on, but still. I feel like as a reader it's more interesting to read original, unpublished content exclusive to the Times, and as an author, it deprives quality writers of the chance to share their stories in the column.

On Sunday, February, 19, Veronica Chambers' piece from the collection, "When He's Just That Into You," will appear in the Modern Love column of The New York Times.

I'll be the first in line to read it

Since someone has been looking up what I think about Female Chauvinist Pigs, and the issues it presents are very important, I just want to say that I don't hate the book, I just think it missed a huge group of people, men and women, especially women, and their attitudes, which are a lot more positive, hopeful, and empowering than what's portrayed in the book. Therefore, I'll be first in line to read the new afterword:

Female Chauvinist Pigs is currently available in the US, Australia, Italy, and the UK. It will be available in paperback with a new Afterword in October, 2006.

Win a date with a zillionaire! (really)

Sex and the Single Zillionaire

Sex and the Single Zillionaire contest from Romantic Times

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, submit a 200-word essay on why you deserve a date with a zillionaire. Essays longer than 200 words will be rejected.

Three winners will be the guests of Tom Perkins and Kathryn Falk, the founder of Romantic Times, for dinner on May 20 at 7:30P.M. in Daytona Beach, Florida. If a winner is not available at this time, an alternate winner will be chosen.

Roundtrip airfare (coach class) from the airport nearest the winner's home to Daytona Beach, Florida, ground transportation to and from the airport, and hotel accommodation (single occupancy) for one night at Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort are also included. Approximate retail value: $1,500. All other expenses will be the responsibility of the winners.

Only one prize will be awarded per individual, family, or household. The prize is non-transferable and cannot be sold or redeemed for cash. The Sponsor reserves the right to substitute the prize with a cash payment of equal or greater value.

Adventures in book covers: chick lit edition

But only one takes its title from a Nirvana song!

The Debutant Divorcee

Suburbanistas

Stupid and Contagious

Bittersweet Sixteen

Boobs R Us

With the fabulous Lauren Henderson last night at Melcher Media's Aqua Erotica 2 party. Photo by Alice Ayers. It was much fun, filled with very cool people and, of course, cupcakes. Then I rushed over to Galapagos (not the island, as my friend asked me, the bar) and though I was late, the very adorable Becky Yamamoto and Tony Carnevale ushered me onstage, after Chelsea Peretti had played us voicemails from some crazy guy she once made out with, and they made me blush by reading from "Monica and Me," I painted a male cupid's nipples with lipstick, then we did a little game (a game!) where Becky and I had 30 seconds to put condoms on as many bananas as we could. We eached maxed out at 3. Much fun all around. Also: sparkly gold tights are rocking my world, thank you, H&M.

Events

February 22nd Michael Malice and S. Morgan Friedman, authors of Overheard in New York, will read and sign at Barnes and Noble Astor Place at 7:00 - be there!

Daphne Gottlieb is reading:

February 22
7:30 p.m.
Happy Ending Reading Series
Happy Ending Bar
302 Broome Street @ Forsyth;
212-334-9676
(B,D to Grand Street or F, J, M, Z to Delancey)

Homewrecker Release Reading with
Susannah Breslin, Christine Hamm, Thomas
Hopkins, Marty McConnell, and Felicia Sullivan

February 24
9 p.m.
Lucky 13 Saloon
Homewrecker Release Reading with
Susannah Breslin, Christine Hamm, Jonathan
Harper, Thomas Hopkins, Marty McConnell, and
Felicia Sullivan
273 13th St. @ 5th Ave.
Park Slope, Brooklyn

rials & Tribulations: Stories about the Law

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sponsored by TNT

From our curator:
Travesties of justice and the majesty of the law; feeling the steel and facing down a nasty judge; the hell of the prison yard and the pleasure of winning the impossible case. From things gone awry to things finally made right, join The Moth for an evening of vaguely legal storytelling--from bench, bar and beyond.

Stories told by:
Peter Canby
Edward Conlon
David Feige
Barry Gibbs
Liz Tuccillo

Curator:
David Feige

Host:
Andy Borowitz

Cello:
Serena Jost

Please note: TNT will be filming this event for promotional purposes. The material will not be broadcast and we've made sure that their cameras are as unobtrusive as possible with regard to your Moth experience. Thanks in advance for your cooperation!

Link dump

A nice little post-Valentine's photo by Dave Naz

Boyshorts galore

Porn and video iPods at Anderson Cooper's blog

Sexy books roundup

via Bookslut

Sex and chocolate - what could be bad?

Candy everybody wants

http://omyfirstorgasm.blogspot.com - tell her about your first

Wikipedia vs. Boobiesexuals (and speaking of boobiesexuals, they're thet opic of an upcoming column of mine so if you're way into breasts, and you're not a straight guy, tell me all about it)

Celebrity Vibrators at Babeland

Vintageous

Vintage Slips

Vicar's Vice Vintage Lingerie

hot models

models
Originally uploaded by cheryl_b.

Alice Ayers, Molly Crabapple and Jen Dziura at Hot and Nasty

nudity

sultry me
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

I just remembered that amidst the martinis last night (a rare indulgence, for good reason, as you'll see in a second), I for some reason I can't now recall was showing off my boobs-to the bar, basically. Whoops. Not that I haven't done it before, but still. Will try not to let it happen again, in public anyway.

More adventures in book covers

And Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Dirty book recommendations and other tidbits coming later. Also - unfortunately, clothing stores still don't open early enough. But I'm not really complaining.

The Queen of Cool

Links of the day

Over at FishbowlNY, Greg Lindsay wrote one of the funniest posts I've seen in a long time, a Breakfast Club homage and Clive Thompson smackdown for that blog article everyone wishes they hadn't wasted their time reading.

Elizabeth Hayt wrote a column I actually enjoyed and identified with, about how you can't stay friends with your ex. Though I disagree that's true for everyone; I'm friends with some exes, and some I will probably never speak to again.

Agent Kristin's author Ally Carter (Cheating at Solitaire) has some important advice about working with publicists to promote your book. I've only published (so far) with small presses, and it's been a crucial learning experience for me in booking my own readings, getting the word out about my work, really working the relevant press angles. Not in an obnoxious, overbearing way, but in cultivating good relationships, being accessible and open to interviews and such. I try to spread the word about my Voice columns, too, because it's both good for me and I think if there's a given topic that might be of interest to, say, food bloggers or poly people or spankophiles, I want them to know about it. It's so ludicrious of people to think publicists can do it all, and I think I'm coming into the game stronger for all the mailings, emails, and research I do all the time to promote my books and work. I do hope to someday sign with a big publisher, but even then, I want to be actively involved in my own PR, especially because I've been the one following the field and keeping very diligent track, thanks to blogs, technorati, icerocket, google news alert, and careful study, what's going on in the areas I'm interested in. It can't all be about the marketing, but that's such a major part and to ignore it would be folly, I think. Then again, who the fuck am I? But someday, someday...

Joan Kelly's The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive

The Pleasure's All Mine

Related to my latest column, "Big Bucks for Pain Sluts"

I'll give a more detailed book review another time, but I highly recommend Joan Kelly's The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive, (the working title had "Who Has Trouble Taking Orders" tacked on after "Submissive") which tracks her journey from timid newbie wanting to be spanked to full-time independent submissive and occasional domme sessions. It's one of the best sexual memoirs I've read because she really gives a full picture of both her mental and physical reactions to what happened to her, including bisexual encounters, things that freaked her out, and her very personal, intimate interactions, emotional as well as physical, with her customers. It's not just because she's super into spanking that I liked it, but because there's an honesty about her desires and a willingness to explore her passions, even if that means finding out precisely what she doesn't want to do. She's especially good on exploring her boundaries and needs, and doesn't just accept the way one "should" be in the kinky world. Also check out her site for more of her writings on BDSM and identity.

Here's the description from Amazon:

When Joan Kelly took a weekend job as a professional submissive in a private dungeon, it seemed she’d finally found a perfect outlet for her pent-up desires. Suddenly, Joan was being paid to do things she’d only fantasized about.
Having spent several years scouring the Internet unsuccessfully for a man who would dominate her in the bedroom without getting on her nerves outside of it, Joan had nearly lost hope of satisfying her sexually submissive urges. Now, using her professional name, "Marnie," she was being paid to do only what she felt like with kinky men who didn’t even expect to have any real sex in their sessions. To Joan, it almost felt like being paid to practice the art of self-centeredness–—except for the part where she had to kneel and address strangers as "Master."

The Pleasure’s All Mine offers the reader a rare, intimate, often amusing, sometimes disturbing look into the life of a professional submissive–—one whose drive for self-acceptance and respect is as relentless as her sexual need for the services she provides. Readers will experience many humorous, bizarre, frightening, and utterly entertaining events through the perceptive and insightful eyes of this writer.

New York Post Valentine's quote and BET tomorrow

I'm quoted in an article by Wendy Straker today in The New York Post about Valentine's Day at the office.

Also, tomorrow at 10 pm you should probably (I'm 99% sure I'll be on this time) be able to catch me on their "Top 25 Hottest Black Couples" special, though I think almost all of you who aren't new parents will be out and about on Valentine's Day. There are only like a TON of cool events going on, making me wish I could be in many places at once!

With Allison at Hot and Nasty

ali&rachel
Originally uploaded by cheryl_b.

Snapped last night at Hot and Nasty at Lava Gina by the fabulous Cheryl B. - I'm with my fellow cupcake blogger and super sexy vintage lingerie model The Brazilian Muse, aka Ali Z

Today's obligatory blogger link

I'm pretty sure 90% of the people reading this will already know about this article, but Clive Thompson wrote a story about blogs for New York magazine. That's about all I can muster up about it because it just seems like the same information that's been regurgitated countless times. I read enough blogs and just feel like the "this is what a blog is, this is what Technorati is, some people have made lots of money blogging" article is a little totally played out.



I did like this blog timeline, if only because my memory of meeting Justin Hall in May 2001 still just cracks me up. It was at Tristan Taormino's birthday party, where the above photo was taken by Justin, and I was taking photos too. Justin and his brother Colin where there, but I didn't know they were brothers - someone introduced me and I thought they said they were "lovers." So I go to take a picture of the two and they're like "don't we look like brothers?" and I was like "ew, that's gross!"

Here are five blogs I think you should check out:

Miss Snark, agent extraordinaire and cupcake fan

Tales of a Delectable Redhead, who is even more adorable in person

Falling Through the Earth author Danielle Trussoni

Jessica Cutler - I like her chutzpah, and her laugh, though you can't necessarily hear the laugh via her blog - we're so taking her to BEA with us.

The Budget Fashionista

And, not a blog necessarily, but TuckerMax.com - I just read his book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and am half horrified, half amused. I will say that as outrageous as his stories are, and as much of a manwhore as he presents himself, it's nice to hear a guy just admit that he's into drinking, sex, and hot girls. I'm not saying that everyone (or anyone) should emulate that, but I had several discussions tonight at Hot and Nasty about men and their mysterious dating habits and philosophies. It's fucking confusing trying to deciper them so anyone who can lay out exactly what they think, even if it's just "where's the alcohol and hot girls?" well, I can appreciate his honesty and the book did make me alternately laugh, cringe, and admire his hubris. I am such a fucking baby so much of the time; I'm so afraid of what people will think, and can't stand it when they're mad or even a little upset with me, and I wish I had a little of his gumption.

Lastly, Monday kicks off Sex Week at Yale, with appearances by everyone from author Ian Kerner to porn star Jesse Jane, and a talk on "The Art of Macking," plus a contest and magazine at the link above.

Kathleen Warnock's new play "Rock the Line"

Playwright’s “ROCK THE LINE” Combines Drama, Rock
Music Worlds

FOR INFORMATION: Steven Sunderlin:
stephen.sunderlin@verizon.net or Kathleen Warnock:
kwnyc@yahoo.com.

NEW YORK, Feb. 1--Playwright Kathleen Warnock is also
rock fan Kathleen Warnock, and her two loves are
combined in the new play, "Rock the Line," which will
receive its world premiere on Feb. 9 as part of
Emerging Artists Theatre's "Triple Threat Premiere,"
running Feb. 7-26. Emerging Artists Theatre is located
at Theatre Five, 311 W. 43rd St., 5th floor (between
8th & 9th Avenues).

Warnock, who was formerly a Contributing Editor to
ROCKRGRL magazine, as well as writing pieces about
women in music for BUST, Ms., Metal Maidens, Gay City
News, and many others, is also a hardcore Joan Jett
fan, or "Jetthead."

"I always loved Joan Jett's music," Warnock said. "But
I didn't get a chance to see her live until her
Broadway show in the late '80s. Then, in the mid-90s,
I sort of went off the deep end, and just started
going to as many shows as I could, traveling all over
the East, and in fact to California, and overseas (to
Denmark, and Australia)."

Along with getting to hear some kickass music, Warnock
also began to make her reputation as a music
journalist. She's also proud of working with Jett's
label, Blackheart Records to write the liner notes for
the CD "Unfinished Business," and to have several
interviews with Blackheart personnel on the singer's
official website (www.joanjettbadrep.com). Musicians
she has profiled include Ronnie Spector, Judy Collins,
Cris Williamson, Janis Ian, Amy Ray, Melissa Ferrick,
Helen Wheels, Kim Shattuck (The Muffs) and many
others.

As a playwright, Warnock has been produced since 1990,
with her first full-length play, "To the Top," about
women's college basketball, winning the South Carolina
Playwrights Festival. Most recently, "Grieving for
Genevieve," had its world premiere at the Midtown
International Theater Festival in July 2005 (produced
by Warnock with her winnings from the game show "Who
Wants to Be A Millionaire."

"Rock the Line" is directed by Steven McElroy, who
directed the reading at TOSOS2 Theatre last May.
Warnock is one of the directors of that theater's
Robert Chesley/Jane Chambers Playwrights Project.

In Rock the Line, seven hardcore fans meet in the
parking lot of a club in a Rust Belt town to renew
their faith in rock and roll and its patron saint,
Patti Roxx. Having traveled long and hard to be at the
show, their love of her music is the best thing in
most of their lives. But before the doors even open,
they must first face each other.

"It's inspired by life, but it holds together as a
drama," Warnock said. "Even if you're not a rock fan,
I hope you'll be able to jump into the story and care
about the characters. And for good measure, there's a
lot of swearing, fighting, kissing and loud music."

The cast of "Rock the Line" is: Roberto Cambiero
(Mickey), Stephanie Deliani (Lucy), Erin Hadley
(Kelly), Jamie Heinlein (Joanne), Noelle Holly
(Leslie), Rebecca Nyahay (Nancy) and Karen Stanion
(Candy).

The play runs Thursday nights at 7pm, Saturdays at
2pm, and Sundays at 5pm.

Tickets are $15.00 for general admission and $10.00
with student ID. Checks and TDF vouchers accepted at
the door. For reservations please call (212) 247-2429
or visit www.eatheatre.org.

My review of Norah Vincent's Self-Made Man in today's New York Post

My review of Norah Vincent's Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again in today's New York Post

And yes, the snow is pretty crazy, but I'm glad this time I'm in New York and not Boston for it! It's good for staying in the now-toasty warmth of my apartment and writing, and tonight is still Hot and Nasty!

Shari Goldhagen reads in Beverly Hills, April 21st

And of course the girl hasn't told me anything about her tour dates - I'm hoping she'll get a little better about the self-promotion as the time nears, but if not, her blogging friends will do it for her.

Shari Goldhagen will read from her debut novel Family and Other Accidents on February 21st at Dutton's Brentwood Bookstore in Beverly Hills

You can pre-order the book now, and look for my interview with her on Gothamist next month.

Family and Other Accidents

The anti-Valentine's Day crowd

ABC News looks at those who aren't that enthralled with February 14th, including Liz Tuccillo, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You and Bennett Madison, author of, among other books, I Hate Valentine's Day

Valentine's horror stories wanted

I'm opting out as I'm choosing to (as much as I can) think happy thoughts lately, and nobody really needs to hear any more about my horrendous Valentine's Day breakup - that's so 2004. But if you want to win a copy of Best American Erotica 2006 (and, incidentally, read all about my fucked up 2004 Valentine's Day), Susie Bright wants you to:

describe the WORST, SHITTIEST, WEIRDEST, or JUST_PLAIN_BAD Valentine experience you have ever had. It can be on the giving, receiving, or indifferent end of it all.

I'm a play at Galapagos on Tuesday night and hosting my reading series on Wednesday, and in the meantime writing as much as I can and bringing the cupcake joy to those around me. And flirting via email, that's always fun. Oh, and blushing. Lots of that.

More on Female Chauvinist Pigs

I spent a while talking to Melinda Gallagher of CAKE at the party at BED on Thursday for the CAKE book and Ian Kerner's He Comes Next, and we talked about Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs. It was an interesting discussion, and Carly Milne has now posted her take on the book, which I'll quote in part:

The pro-sex feminists I know don’t walk down the street in crotch-length skirts and stripper heels, and bend over in the name of hailing a cab. The pro-sex feminists I know aren’t talking about how they hate other girls and have better friendships with guys or other girls who act like guys. The pro-sex feminists I know don’t think anyone is anything other than their own individual for not wanting to watch porn, go to a live sex show, or do anything else they don’t want to do. What they are doing, however, is writing thoughtful commentary, asking questions, getting answers and encouraging open minds and discussion when it comes to sexuality and all things related to it.

I think Carly hits the nail on the head in expressing that, yes, some women are choosing some of these "raunchy" behaviors due to disturbing cultural trends, but on the other hand, who's to say what's an okay reason and what's not? What I'm looking to explore are ways to expand the definition of sexual freedom for everyone, men and women alike, those who want to save sex for marriage, those who never want to get married, those who may be just figuring things out. Instead, shame, fear, reputation, puritanism and other problematic dynamics come into play when it comes to sex, making it a culture of judgment - who's had "too much" or the wrong kind of sex, what will liking X sex act say about me, what will even pondering X sex act say about me? Where I feel Levy failed is in heaping further shame and blame upon these women, instead of really figuring out a) if what they're doing is so harmful and b) what might actually empower them sexually. I truly believe that liberating our fantasies, encouraging more open dialogue -- even if it means that we learn that, say, lifelong monogamy is not what's foremost in our fantasies -- is a healthy thing. What we do with that dialogue and those thoughts is something else, but I don't think we're even at the stage where we can say we're free mentally to ponder our own private sexual utopias. Some of us may be, but certainly not everyone, and I think that's so inhibiting. And maybe in some ways what Levy's talking about is a response to that - it's a chance for girls to truly "go wild" and be encouraged for it. Of course I think there should be and encourage a wider range of acceptable ways for women, and men, to "go wild," without hurting themselves or others in the process.

Sexuality encompasses a lot more than just what we do in our beds, and it seems that in part what we say about sex, how open we are, is just as threatening to some people as what we do with our bodies. If we don't have room to express ourselves, to truly be our sexual selves in and out of the bedroom, then we're not truly free and I think if you asked most any dominatrix or hooker they'd tell you, especially about, say, their married clients, that they are expressing something within that commercial relationship they feel or are unable to express in their marriages. And maybe I'm hopelessly naive, but I would wish for those people a better match in that arena. Not to diss on sex workers, and I'm sure that arrangement works fine for some, but I can't imagine it doesn't come with some of its own degree of mental discomfort or longing, which is why I can't see sexual freedom as only a women's issue in any sense.

Friday's sexy links

Dave Naz, who takes incrdibly sexy photos, and shot Joan Kelly's book cover. He's also (isn't everyone?) on MySpace. Add his blog to your bloglines for almost daily hot new photos.

Amanda Barrett's sex blog at WFMU - also, they're having a huge fundraiser, for which I've donated 2 copies of Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z - more details soon.

Viviane's Sex Carnival, where I got tons of great information, it's a group sex blog, as in, a group blog about sex, not a blog about group sex

Sunday is HOT AND NASTY - the pre-Valentine's party to end all pre-Valentine's parties. Also, GirlyNYC, or spicycontent, as you prefer, posted about it and said "enlarge the image" and I thought it said "engage the image" and now I kindof like "engage the image" better.

And a final one which isn't so much sexy as just a bizarrely long title: http://iamapenguinwithmyheadstuckinafish.blogspot.com/

Lusty Lady, "Big Bucks for Pain Sluts" - on professional submissives

"Big Bucks for Pain Sluts"
Inside the kinky world of professional submissives

Yes, Joan Kelly's URL is wrong, as I had a feeling it might be - it's http://www.submarnie.com or http://www.sub-merged.net (they go to the same place). It wasn't my error but I'm going to try to get it fixed online.

I also wanted to use the way hotter photo here but didn't have it in the right dimensions, but check out her fabulous site after you finish reading my column.

Free Godiva candy 2/13 from Stephanie Lessing

From She's Got Issues author Stephanie Lessing:

HEY, FREE CANDY!!

I know I’m supposed to be working but I just have to tell you that I’m going to be at the Hudson News Bookstore across from Am Trak in Penn Station from 2-4, Monday, Feb 13.

GODIVA chocolate will be passing out samples and I’ll be signing books in honor of the day Chloe and Dan met at a newsstand while Chloe was buying arm loads of candy and Dan asked her if she was having a party in her office.

We’re sort of reenacting a scene from the book. Come see!

Tristan Taormino's House of Ass + Win $500 worth of anal sex DVDs!

My friend and fellow Village Voice columnist (among MANY other things), Tristan Taormino, has a new porn video coming out in about 2 weeks, called Tristan Taormino's House of Ass. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be HOT! I'm stealing the image and promo copy from her site, you can buy it there, and also come out to the huge launch party on February 26th at 8 pm at Crash Mansion!

Update - Just found out (via Gram Ponante) that if you tell your hot true anal sex story, you can enter to win $500 worth of anal sex videos and other goodies, including a Carmen Luvana love doll!



Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass

AVAILABLE TO PRE-ORDER NOW!!!



In this reality-TV inspired video, Tristan invited a group of porn stars to a secluded house in the mountains for the weekend. She wanted to see what would happen if they could relax and let their guard down. Each housemate was scheduled to do one scene with another person, then encouraged to have sex with other housemates of their choice. Throughout the weekend, they told secrets, dished about each other, and were brutally honest as they talked directly to the camera in the Confessional. They even had their own camcorder to film each other’s scenes. Which real-life couple broke up in the middle of the shoot? Who masturbated while filming another couple’s scene? Watch as they give sex tips in the hot tub, talk about their fantasies, create spontaneous pairings, and all of it is captured on film. Smokin' hot sex happens in every room of the house culminating in an unbelievable orgy!



Starring:

Joanna Angel, BurningAngel.com Punk Porn Darling and New VCA Contract Girl

Justine Joli, one of the most sought after “girls only” performers who’s known as the “Lesbian Queen of Porn”

Sarah Blake, Redheaded girl next door turned naughty vixen with a strap on!

Keeani Lei, All natural Asian beauty known for her love of anal sex

Saana, Blonde, blue-eyed sex kitten from Finland

Mr. Marcus, 2006 AVN Award Nominee for Male Performer of the Year

Scott Nails, 2006 AVN Award for Best Male Newcomer

Talon, Sexy Puerto Rican stud who finds himself in the middle of an orgy



Features:

-Filmed on location near Mountain Center, CA in a beautiful house with spectacular mountain views and outdoor scenes

-Lots of sex toy play (including the metal tuning fork!), mutual pleasure, and real female orgasms

-Director of Photography Ralph Parfait, winner of the 2006 AVN Award for Best Cinematography for The Devil in Miss Jones

-Supervising Editor Eon McKai, alt porn sensation

-Original music by indie bands Boxelder and JonesTown



Available on DVD only.

Running Time: Over 2 1/2 hours!

DVD Extras: Deleted Scenes, Feature Photo Gallery, Behind the Scenes Photo Gallery, Trailer

Produced by: Smart Ass Productions and Adam & Eve Pictures

Directed by: Tristan Taormino



NOTE: This DVD is being released on February 24, 2006. All pre-orders placed before February 24th will be personally autographed by Tristan!

Praise for my Christmas erotica story "Last Minute Shopping"

Ashley Lister reviews The Merry XXXMas Book of Erotica, edited by Alison Tyler, and has this to say about my story:

Or there’s the kind of magic Rachel Kramer Bussel describes in Last-Minute Shopping. Christmas shopping is possibly more stressful than visiting a war zone. I say this because, in enemy territory, you have a good idea who the hostile forces might be. When you’re out Christmas shopping (particularly last-minute shopping) the sweetest old ladies can turn into the most menacing vulgarians. Innocent looking kids can suddenly become violent, antagonistic and potentially lethal. Rachel Kramer Bussel effortlessly captures the nonsensical urgency that drives most of us to do a last-minute shop, and she delivers a story hot enough to melt the hardiest snowman.

Good to know a Jewish girl can write a hot Xmas action tale.

Contests

Win a BlackBerry, Sidekick, Treo, T-Mobile MDA or LifeDrive from Life & Style - I entered but honestly barely know what these PDAs are. Not sure if they'd aid me or make me even more email-addicted, but I'll take one if it's free.

Every weekday Shop Etc. gives away jewelry and purses and other girlie items.

"Family is the new fucking" and other reading material

Jami Attenberg on "The Grand Gesture"

USA Today reviews some Valentine's books, including Best American Erotica 2006 and Justin Racz's 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours

And Helaine Olen (yes, she of Modern Love nanny subvic blog snooping fame-or infamy, as you prefer-, who also apparently writes about strollers and such for Variety) interviews Jill Soloway over at Literary Mama where she even quotes from my interview with Jill! Anyway, Jill is the one who said "Family is the new fucking."

Saskia Walker on the future of erotic fiction

The Jewish Week with a not-so-interesting take on Molly Jong-Fast's ideas about feminism

Mark Pritchard interviews M.J. Rose about what she's working on

Threeways, the book

By my friend Diana Cage, and I think I'm going to be quoted in it as well. Back in the day when I was wild and crazy and had sex more often than once a year, I had a few threesomes. I guess it wasn't all that long ago; my last threesome was documented in the Voice. But now that I'm old 30, I'm pretty sure those days are behind me.

Threeways

Watch us and laugh/get turned on

There's now video and audio from the December 20th In The Flesh, so you can check out me, GirlyNYC, Nichelle, Tsaurah Litzky and Syd reading various stories from my forthcoming anthology Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. To the brave few who came out in the cold during the strike, thank you!

Feb 15: Smut and Free Drinks Upstairs/Downstairs

Nip downstairs for free drinks (see below, you have to RSVP) and Playgirl magazines, then run upstairs and hear steamy stories at my reading series! You should totally join the Happy Ending mailing list too via their site to find out about cool parties and open bars.

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

Bask in the post-Valentine’s Day afterglow with the hottest, sexiest words in the city! February welcomes a stunning mix of performers, including M.J. Rose (Lip Service, The Delilah Complex), Carol Taylor (Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales, Brown Sugar series), Lauren Sanders (With or Without You, Kamikaze Lust), and two contributors to Wanderlust, Melvin E. Lewis and SékouWrites, along with a naughty tale from host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Copies of The Delilah Complex and Wanderlust will be given away throughout the evening along with a signed poster of The Delilah Complex. Free refreshments will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include fetishes, true confessions, GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.

To celebrate Playgirl's March Travel issue, Happy Ending makes like an international flight and gets you drunk for free, courtesy of Alchemy infused vodka! With this issue's pictorials, you can vicariously join the mile-high club, watch an Egyptian sand job, speak the international wanguage of love, and win big in Vegas, baby!

Plus, amusement park sexcapades, the deets on British sex trends toothing and dogging, and sexy travel destinations. And what would a Playgirl party be without goody bags to ease the pain of the next day?

Cover photography by Sarah Small (Nerve.com).

Wednesday, February 15
Happy Ending
302 Broome Street
(between Forsyth and Eldridge streets)
www.happyendinglounge.com

Open bar courtesy of Alchemy vodka 8-10 pm

RSVP to Jill Sieracki at JSieracki@playgirlmag.com

Voice column help: Drunken Sex and Disappearing Dates

I'm looking to interview people for 2 upcoming Village Voice columns - email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with your name and pseudonym (if applicable), age, location, and relevant story (and put "Drunken Sex" or "Disappearing Dates" in the subject line please) - deadline for both is February 28th:

1. Drunken Sex (may run around St. Patrick's Day but isn't necessarily related to St. Patrick's Day) - Is sex better when you're drunk? Is flirting/hooking up easier? What are the differences for you between drunk and sober sex? Is it better/easier to have drunken sex with a stranger or someone you're in a relationship with? Drunken sex horror stories? Anything at all related to drinking and sex/hooking up/flirting counts.

2. Disappearing Dates (not sure when this is running but probably in the next 2 months)- You went out on a fabulous date, either your first or nth, thought you both had a good time, then never heard from the guy or girl again. This could be a first date, or a few dates in, or even if you were in a relationship/living together/etc. What happened? Did you talk to any friends of his/hers? Do you know why they disappeared? How do you feel about it? Is there anything you learned from it/would have done differently?

If you have a perfect erotica story about one of my topics, please send it!

If you have an OUTSTANDING erotica story (meaning no typos, a fabulous story in addition to the sex, and one that is on topic and actually about and fetishizes the topic given), please consider sending it to us as we complete our fetish anthologies. I'm only putting this post up for a brief time, as I need a few last minute stories. Please send to both addresses listed and follow ALL guidelines. It's amazing how people try to submit to anthologies and kindof ignore things like grammar, instructions, etc. Also, I especially need straight (male/female and/or a group involving at least one male and one female), even though the guidelines say only gay, lesbian and bi stories and especially need a few more underwear ones - the anthologies are pansexual. Please only submit if you have a stellar story, especially at this late stage. There's plenty of others you can submit to as well - see http://www.erotica-readers.com. And if you've submitted to any of these, you'll hear from us by April, as it states below. Thanks!

Call for Submissions

The Sexiest Soles: EroticStories About Feet and Shoes
Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce
To be published by Alyson Books in 2006

Do you consider feet the sexiest body part? Does her
arch set you salivating? Or do his feet make you want
to bow down and worship them–with your tongue? If so,
editors Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce
want to hear all about it–whether your real-life foot
fancy or shoe lust, or those of your imagination.
Whether she's walking across your back, giving you a
sensual pedicure, or squeezing her shapely soles into
the tallest of heels, or he's offering up his sweaty,
manly size tens for you to play with, we want to hear
it!

Send original, unpublished eroticstories of
1,500-6,000 that are gay, lesbian or bisexual in
content, and the primary focus of the erotic
attraction must be centered on feet or shoes. Maximum
2 submissions per person. Contributors will receive
$50 and 2 copies of the anthology per story accepted
for publication.

Please send stories as typed, double-spaced, 12 point
Times New Roman font, indented Word documents to both
rachelkb@gmail.com and christopherpierce2001@yahoo.com

Please include name, pseudonym (if applicable),
address, phone number, email address, and a short
biography and put "Feet Erotica Submission" in the
subject line. This is an updated version of a
previously circulated call for submissions; all
stories should be sent to the above email addresses.

Deadline: January 15, 2006

We will respond by April 2006.


What Lies Beneath: EroticStories about Underwear and
Lingerie
Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce
To be published by Alyson Books in 2006

Does his underwear bulge in all the right places? Does
her teddy make you want to do anything but sleep? Do
you dream about dressing up for your lover, then
stripping down into your sexiest skivvies? If so,
editors Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce
want to hear all about it–whether your real-life panty
play or your naughtiest fantasies of tight boxers or
briefs. Give us your best stories about what happens
when you get undressed and see what lies beneath his
buff bod or her sexy curves: underwear and lingerie.
Before you get them naked, what about that bottommost
layer of clothes? When her lingerie is enough to land
her any girl in the room, or his boxers tell a story
about what he'll do to you in bed?

Send original, unpublished eroticstories of
1,500-6,000 that are gay, lesbian or bisexual in
content, and the primary focus of the erotic
attraction must be centered on underwear or lingerie.
Maximum 2 submissions per person. Contributors will
receive $50 and 2 copies of the anthology per story
accepted for publication.

Please send stories as typed, double-spaced, 12 point
Times New Roman font, indented Word documents to both
rachelkb@gmail.com and christopherpierce2001@yahoo.com

Please include name, pseudonym (if applicable),
address, phone number, email address, and a short
biography and put "Underwear Submission" in the
subject line. This is an updated version of a
previously circulated call for submissions; all
stories should be sent to the above email addresses.

Deadline: January 15, 2006

We will respond by April 2006.


Call for Submissions

EroticBondageStories
Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel and Christopher Pierce
To be published by Alyson Books in 2006

Does a coil of rope make you quiver with desire? Do
handcuffs have a trusty place next to your bed? Do you
long to be tied up, at the mercy of your lover,
letting them decide whether to love your tender or be
cruel as can be? If so, editors Rachel Kramer Bussel
and Christopher Pierce want to hear all about it
–whether your real-life bondage and domination
experiences or your fantasies of tying those special
knots or submitting
to being held in place by the bonds of lust?

Send original, unpublished erotic stories of
1,500-6,000 that are gay, lesbian or bisexual in
content, and the primary focus of the erotic
attraction must be centered on some form of bondage.
Maximum 2 submissions per person. Contributors will
receive $50 and 2 copies of the anthology per story
accepted for publication.

Please send stories as typed, double-spaced, 12 point
Times New Roman font, indented Word documents to both
rachelkb@gmail.com and christopherpierce2001@yahoo.com

Please include name, pseudonym (if applicable),
address, phone number, email address, and a short
biography and put "Bondage Erotica Submission" in the
subject line. This is an updated version of a
previously circulated call for submissions; all
stories should be sent to the above email addresses.

Deadline: January 15, 2006

We will respond by April 2006.

Singletini: the book and the drink

Singletini

SINGLETINI: A curious type of female typically found living in urban settings, possessing an unusual, some would say deathly, fear of growing up and getting married.

As possibly cheesy and chick lit standard as this sounds, I can't help but be intrigued by a book and a drink by the name of Singletini by Amanda Trimble. Of course I'm going to devour it, much like I occasionally sip and greatly enjoy a dirty martini. At the very least, I love the marketing, which includes a contest (tell her your most horrifying hookup story) and tells how her agent, Jenny Bent of Trident Media Group, came up with the twist of the protagonist being a "wingwoman," after reading an article in The New York Times. (about and housed at Wingwomen.com) Yes, there's a part of me that wants to hate the very idea of such a book, but a) I am trying to work on the shadenfreude and b) there's an even bigger part of me that knows I can't waiat to read this. And, yes, c, I don't want to be single forever.

Maybe I should just call my book "I'm A Sleazy, Slutty, Pathetic Unliberated Whore"

And I'll take title suggestions from you as well. IF I ever write it, and (even bigger if) someone wants to publish it. But first, the writing - that's how I fucked up my law school education, by worrying about the bar when I couldn't even get past second year classes.

But anyway, news flash, Betty Friedan died, and I and every other girl who's posed topless, let alone anyone who claims they might be (gasp!) a feminist and, I don't know, "embrace one's sexuality," are sleazy: (via Lenore Skenazy's New York Daily News column)

The problem is not that strippers and porn stars are becoming mainstream. It's that so many other women - and girls - are trying to emulate them. These role models are sex workers: women with silicone implants who fake their lust. How liberated is that?

It's not. There's a big difference between embracing one's sexuality and embracing Penthouse's version of the same. Posing topless or dressing like a hooker isn't "liberated." It's what it was back in Friedan's day - sleazy - but with a fresh dollop of self-delusion.

In a truly liberated world, women don't have to strip to feel powerful, because stripped women, like stripped men, aren't. They're just pathetic. In the name of Friedan and Levy, let's not fool ourselves anymore.

For I'm sure not the last time - what the FUCK is up with this utterly inane binary? Liberated vs. unliberated, powerful vs. powerless - as if sex worked so simply. Have you read any of Lily Burana's writing? Or Carol Queen's? Or Diablo Cody's? Or Katherine Frank's? Or Siobhan Brooks's? There's a whole fucking universe of women who are smart and who don't think they have to check their pussies at the door to claim a place in the world? Who might see stripping as a means to an end, an exploration, a way to make some easy money. Or not so easy, as any of these writers will tell you. But this us against them mentality has got to fucking go.

I think for everyone who was offended by Friedan's pretentiousness, by her trying to divide lesbians and straight women back in the day, we've got a new Friedan army and it's not pretty. In the supposed name of feminism and equality it's okay to be haughty and self-righteous, to tell me what to do with my body, to tell me what I should think is sexy, to tell me what's sleazy and what's pathetic, what's "real" and what isn't. Because you know, don't you? You're the Queen of Real, and I'm just some slutty whore, right? It's the same do-me feminism rap all over again, but this time from women. It's so juvenile, petty, worthless and divisive, I could scream or cry or self-destruct. Most of all, though, it's sad. It's sad that in 2006 we still feel the need to one-up each other, to draw a line between the good girls and the bad girls, the real feminists and the fake, the falsely conscious and the "liberated." What exactly is your definition of liberation? If freedom just means Herland-style sex, and believe me, I have heard so many women lately, supposedly smart, with-it, hip women, and men too, tell me how what they really think is that all BDSM is wrong, inequal, bad, to many it clearly does, then count me OUT. I do strongly believe in "sexual freedom," as in FREE to do what we want, not "liberated from" but "liberated TO" whatever our hearts, minds, cocks, and pussies desire. Liberation should mean greater possibility, not less. Wake me up when I don't have to be "liberated" any more and can actually do what I want with me body and still be a feminist.

Happy Ending on MySpace

Happy Ending Lounge is on MySpace and they have events almost every night, including my monthly reading series, In The Flesh. Mark your calendars for one week from tonight, February 15th at 8 pm for a HOT time!

Boink maazine's book deal

I've yet to read Boink because I don't know where to get it in New York, but now they've got a book deal:

They have been shunned by the Boston University administration and embraced by the King of All Media (and BU alum) Howard Stern, and now Christopher Anderson and Alecia Oleyourryk, editors of the porn magazine that features real college models, have a book deal. ''Boink: The Book," will be based on the controversial college magazine, a sex-positive lifestyle publication featuring edgy narratives, prescriptive advice, provocative photos, and confessions from real college students, according to Publishers Lunch, an industry newsletter.

Hump Day reading

Judy McGuire's take on couples who've met in unusual ways

George Gurley asks Hilly to be his Valentine

A married male blogger ponders ugly cocks (fyi, I was not saying I find cocks ugly or unattractive, I was saying for the most part I can't eroticize some random photo of a guy's dick without knowing anything more about the person attached to it.)

Tomatoes: Delicious or Torture? You decide!

Gives new meaning to the tomato/tomahto debate:

Tomatoes Are Delicious, ex-FishbowlNY-er Rachel Sklar's new blog

"Tomatoes Can Be Torture, Part 1," Tristan Taormino's latest Pucker Up column

I didn't technically overhear this

Overheard in New York

I didn't technically overhear this, but last night, when I complimented Overheard in New York editor Michael Malice on his ability to remember something I'd mentioned in passing on my way into the party, he said, "I can multitask. I have a cock." Okay...just one of many priceless gems I heard last night as I went first to Mo Pitkin's for the always funny and only occasionally heartwrenching Rejection Show and then to the party for Overheard. Big congrats to the book's editors Morgan and Michael, who I met when I was very drunk at a party last year but have both been good friends to me despite my incessant blathering.

All the socializing I seem to do lately is this one-stop shopping, where I run into a zillion people I know, and get to say hi for five seconds, and cram in all the gossip I've missed being holed up in Brooklyn or trying pretending to write, desperately hoping for some kind of inspiration, not just for my writing, but for my life. It's been a weird time lately trying to juggle and figure out and be self-protective but open, honest with myself, assessing my capabilities and lack of them, determining my worth and worthlessness not in a fatalistic way but in a real one. Trying to figure out what's a reach and what's a possibility and what's a pipe dream.

So if I don't post or write back too quickly, apologies in advance. Trying to prioritize taking care of myself for once and trying not to go insane. A large task, I know, but when I think back to what a fucked up person I was last year, how rock bottom I truly was, when everything just seemed utterly helpless, I didn't even think I'd get through that rough time and I somehow have and I have to remember that and give myself credit for that rather than just fault myself for all the ways I've failed myself. Lately my keyword has been trying, especially believing that that's the best I can do. Trying to lower my expectations for myself so I can have a hope of meeting them, trying to never expect a thing from anyone else so I'm not disappointed, trying to enjoy the fun times that I do reward myself with, trying to not be so pessimistic, trying to get healthy, trying to believe in something bigger than what I have in front of me, trying to curb my jealousy, trying to cope. I know I'm too hard on myself and yet sometimes I have to be, because I can easily let it all fall apart, which sucks when "all" is hardly anything anyway. I am trying to hoist myself over what seems like some massive yet invisible barrier, to take baby steps but lots of them, to not lose faith in the world, myself. A lot easier to do from home than trying to fake civility or cheerfulness, but sometimes I also need to just let go and not care a whit about anything else except right this very second. Or, as Elliott Smith once sang, "you only live a day/but it's brilliant anyway."

hotter than candy hearts

SFSI4x3.25_72dpi
Originally uploaded by Thomas Roche.

to read and respond

Waking Vixen wants photos of your cock

Bitch PhD wants to interview female bloggers

Women's Wear Daily looks at Fashion Week bloggers

a college paper in search of a sex columnist

Erotic Authors Association has an interview with Joan Kelly, author of The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive - I also interview Joan in next week's Lusty Lady column on professional submissives

Joan Kelly is the author of the new book The Pleasure’s All Mine, a wonderful memoir about Joan’s experiences as a professional submissive. Joan was kind enough to tell us about her writing process, her career as a sub, and her thoughts on feminism and kinky sex.

RG: First of all, thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me about your new book. I read it twice and really enjoyed it. How long have you been writing, and what sorts of writing have you done? Were you writing about becoming a professional submissive as it was happening, or did this book evolve later?

JK: I've been writing badly since about the sixth grade, and all I've ever really attempted has been nonfiction, personal narrative stuff. I started getting better at it by my late twenties, which is when I started writing more consistently and also getting more help.

For the first couple of years in this job, I was writing about it but in a very disorganized and sporadic way. Then I joined a writing group and really started working on actual chapters - totally out of order and with no idea at first how to write an actual book with all the elements it's supposed to contain. Sometimes I would write about a session or sessions right after they happened, and sometimes I would be writing about sessions or things that had happened a couple of years before in the time line.

RG: Your biography says that you've written for the fabulous BUST magazine and that you are an ardent feminist. It can be really disconcerting to be a "strong woman" and still desire to be tied up or spanked. Do you think your experiences as a submissive have affected your feminism? And how would you respond if somebody suggested that your profession meant you “must not be a real feminist”?

JK: I don't think my experiences with sexual submission have affected my feminism so much as my feminism has influenced, and continues to influence, both the kinds of experiences I'm willing to have sexually - in and outside of BDSM - and what's problematic for me about most of the sexual options that are out there.

So far all the other feminists I know and love have been completely nonjudgmental about my work as a pro sub. That doesn't mean that none of us have concerns about sex work and its effects, or that my own relationship to kinky sex work is uncomplicated. I do think it's worth noting that while all forms of prostitution are, in my view, rightly a feminist issue, feminists tend to be busy enough with the real work that needs to get done that they don't so much have time to sit around and worry about whether I like being spanked or getting paid for it as an individual.

RG: The opening of your book is fantastic because it addresses something so universal -- sitting in a big room filled with people you don't know, listening to them talk about something that sounds really boring and even kind of creepy. So the reader instantly identifies with you. In general, in fact, it seems like you have a really good connection with people and are able to form a quick rapport. Do you think this trait has helped you in your work?

JK: Thank you for the kind words. I think the fact that it's somewhat easy for me to project a sort of non-threatening, unexotic personality in both my writing and in real life with strangers has indeed come in handy during this job in particular. The men who pay to tie me up and spank me are by and large pretty nervous the first time we meet. More so than I am, a lot of the time. They want to feel safe with me as much as I want to feel safe with them - we just have different areas of vulnerability. If I can make somebody feel more comfortable about something he's felt a lot of shame about previously, it can go a long way towards securing repeat business. Plus it's just a lot more enjoyable for me to feel connected to anyone I'm spending any kind of time around, so when I can swing it, that's what I aim for.

RG: Your book has a great section where you tell us about the first time you realized that you were a little kinky. You talk about fantasizing about a boy you have a crush on, only to discover that the image of his spanking you keeps coming into your head. It's a great section because it speaks to how surprising and shocking those thoughts can be. Later in the book, you talk about different relationships that left you confused and sometimes hurt. How have you dealt with that confusion and uncertainty? Was writing this book a part of that?

JK: I definitely felt like writing this book helped me better understand and feel some peace around the way things went with the person I refer to as "T" in the book. I had actually been in contact with him again during the time I was writing the book, and some of what still troubled me got resolved through conversations we had, but some of it was still just really uncomfortable for me to think about.

I also changed a lot just from doing professional submissive sessions for a living these past few years. I had to be so in control of what kinds of things and clients I exposed myself to that it was almost automatic that I would end up with a better sense of both what I liked and of my right to have whatever boundaries and limits I have. I don't feel in danger anymore of taking someone else's word for it that things have to be a certain way, or that I have to prove myself to anyone. Maybe that's just from getting older too, I don't know, but I just feel like this is how I am, this is what I like, take it or leave it.

RG: Throughout the book I think you do an amazing job of making the reader feel as you do -- confused, nervous, excited, pissed, whatever. That's such an important part of being a writer. Is that something you have to work at, or does it come fairly naturally to you?

JK: Thank you. I would say I have to work at writing, period. The compulsion to write, and to write about people and experiences that move me in one way or another, comes pretty naturally, but the ability to do it with any success whatsoever has been a result of having lots of help from lots of other writers. I'm mostly either too self-conscious or too vain in reading my own material to ever be able to tell whether I've written something effective for readers or not. I feel like I learned most of whatever I've learned about how to write just in the last three or so years of being in my writing group. I wouldn't have been able to write this book without them, that's a fact.

RG: You mention that you are "out" to most of your friends and family, and of course you now have a book coming out which talks about your life in very candid detail. How do you handle the loss of privacy that entails? What was it like "coming out"?

JK: I don't actually know yet how I'll handle any real loss of privacy, if that happens to any extent after the book comes out. If you mean like having strangers point and stare and be like, "There's that pervert who wrote that book," I'm sure that would make me uncomfortable. But in terms of people just knowing really personal things about me - I don't know why exactly, but I feel pretty detached about that whole idea. Almost like as long as nobody's cruel to me about it, it doesn't actually matter what anybody thinks or knows about me.

I personally love knowing all the stuff that's usually kept secret about other people, and it doesn't come from wanting to invade their privacy but just from wanting to understand what other people are like. Am I like them? Am I different in ways that are "normal"? I don't mean this to sound cheesy, but I like the idea that my compulsion to blurt everything out on the page could possibly help anybody else feel less isolated or freakish.

"Coming out" about this job was mostly pretty banal quite honestly. I'm lucky to have a family and friends who really don't care what I'm doing as long as I'm happy, and who respect that I'm going to make whatever decisions I want to make about my life. The only time it took me off guard when I "came out" to someone about this stuff was when I told my former landlady. She and I had bonded about being crazy cat ladies, and because she's a little older, I was worried she would feel totally scandalized to find out that I, literally the former girl-next-door, was actually a dirty whore of sorts. Instead she simply cut me off, mid-explanation, with the mild-mannered reassurance that she'd "seen CSI" and knew about "this S and M stuff." I hadn't thought it was possible to love her more than I already did...

RG: There are scenes in your book that are beautifully written but so intense that they are almost hard to read. I'm thinking specifically of the chapters about Jake, who takes you to such a vulnerable place sexually. Vulnerability, of course, is a huge part of being submissive. It's really amazing how well you are able to describe what you are feeling to your reader. Was that difficult? Or do you think that your ability to submit in that way makes it easier to express in your writing?

JK: Thanks again for the kind words. I want to say that none of it was difficult - not because I didn't have to work hard to write and re-write things a million times, but because I really trusted I would get the help I needed from my writing group to fix things when they didn't work. It took all the pressure off me - all I felt like I had to do was write what happened and how I felt about it to the best of my ability, then bring it into group and find out how to do it better when I needed to. I think I was also lucky to get to write about things as they were happening, things that excited me so much. Writing feels like a breeze when you're just writing things you'd be talking to your best friend about anyway.

RG: Do you ever wonder if your professional life has affected your romantic life? As I read your book I discovered that I really wanted you to find a wonderful partner. The joy you describe finding as a submissive is so powerful, it would be hard to resist wanting that all the time. But as one of the dommes you meet says, you might "end up doing it for free." Do you think you would ever consider a dominant/submissive relationship outside of your work?

JK: When I first started doing pro sub stuff, I felt like I'd never get to date anyonehealthy or sane as long as I was doing this for a living. And in fact, I haven't had any regular-type boyfriends during this time. But I think the biggest effect this job has had on my romantic life is that it's made me a lot clearer about what I want, and what I don't need. In a way it spoiled me - I had a regular erotic outlet through sessions, and really intimate platonic relationships in my life, so I wasn't overly motivated to settle for a romantic relationship that didn't really suit me.

That said, hell yes I would consider a relationship in my personal life that involves the kind of kinky stuff I love. I don't know that it would necessarily be with someone who identifies as a "dominant" in the stereotypical sense, but certainly I have fantasies about ending up with someone who's good at sexually controlling me in ways I like.

RG: Many people in the kink community believe in the concept of the "true submissive." Do you subscribe to this concept? Do you think there are "real" and "fake" submissives?

JK: It's weird, the person who wrote the Publishers Weekly review of the book referred to me as a "true submissive," and I just felt like EEK when I read that. I mostly feel like the definition I've seen of what it means to be a "true submissive" is to simply take a person who could use a couple of Codependents Anonymous meetings and slap a sexy label on him/her. I don't personally valorize the act of putting another person's needs or wants above my own, let alone all the time, and the fact that this is what a fair amount of people consider "true submissiveness" is part of what's made it so hard for me to understand what the hell was up for me, sexually. I don't get why kinky folks refer to themselves as being in an "alternative lifestyle" if ideas of authenticity are defined and in any way enforced by others. There's nothing alternative at all about sexual and social hierarchies, rigid roles or expectations. All that true and false stuff just tends to irritate me.

Cleis Press interviews their author Tristan Taormino all about butt sex and her newly revised book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

CF: Is there one aspect of anal sex that seems to especially attract women?

TT: I think that both the naughtiness of anal sex and the intensity of it attract women most. It can be very psychologically and emotionally charged, as well as physically intense—combine all those elements, and the results are orgasmic.

"Sex in the First Person" section in The Village Voice

My editor, Elizabeth Zimmer, told me I was the only person to not use a pseudonym (unlike last year when it was the reverse, at least for me): "Sex in the First Person: Dirty Girls" The Village Voice.

adorable burrito babies on flickr

Omg, I know some people have started things like flickrbooty, but at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna have to start flickrbaby!

"burrity baby" search on flickr

Incidentally, I'm also a huge fan of burritos.

February 12th Valentine's Hat Trick

I'm going to actually try to go to all these events on Sunday:

There's a singles Cuddle Party from 2-4 I believe.

Then it's my favorite reading series (after mine of course, but still, many fabulous ESO memories and what a lineup!):

EAST SIDE ORAL
"the reading series your mother warned you about"

SUNDAY, February 12, 2006
5:00 PM

at THE LIVING ROOM
154 Ludlow (btw. Rivington and Stanton)
F to 2nd Ave
no cover
2 drink minimum
ESO is proud to present gnarly readings by
Thaddeus Rutkowski
Alix Strauss
Mike Albo
Sara Schaefer

Thaddeus Rutkowski grew up in central Pennsylvania and is a graduate of Cornell University and The Johns Hopkins University. His first novel, Roughhouse (Kaya Press), was a finalist for an Asian American Literary Award. His second novel, Tetched, was published recently by Behler Publications in California. His work has been nominated three times for a Pushcart Prize. He lives in Manhattan with his wife and daughter. His Web site is www.thaddeusrutkowski.com.

Alix Strauss - The media savvy social satirist has been featured on national morning shows and talk shows including ABC, CBS, CNN and most recently, VH1. Her articles cover a range of topics such as High-end invites, A-list parties, Goodie bags, Diva Diets, Slumber parties, Must-have-beauty-products and Trailer-trash treats, and have appeared in The New York Times, The New York Post, and Daily News, as well as Time Magazine, Town & Country Travel, Travel & Leisure Golf, Marie Claire, Self, Wine Enthusiast and Outside. Her collection of shorts, THE JOY OF FUNERALS, was published by St. Martin's Press in both hard and soft cover. The Joy of Funerals will be heading to the big screen with Stockard Channing attached to direct.
Mike Albo lives and loves in Brooklyn. His second novel, THE UNDERMINER, comes out in paperback on February 16, and he will be hosting a raucous paperback celebration party at Joe’s Pub on February 23 to benefit the awesome nonprofit organization 826nyc. He is performing every week in the sketch comedy show Pupu Platter on Tuesdays at 10 P.M. Starlight on Avenue A. Check out www.mikealbo.com.

Sara Schaefer is fresh off a two year run of her critically acclaimed late night talk show "Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You" and was recently featured on Vh1's Best Week Ever. Currently she is working with Jon Friedman on the Wiener Philharmonic's new sketch show, "Doody Calls" at The People's Improv Theatre. Check out upcoming show dates at her website, www.saraschaefer.com.

Elise Miller hosts and curates EAST SIDE ORAL. Her first novel, STAR CRAVING MAD (Warner Books 2004) was just optioned optioned by Jon Gunn, who directed "My Date With Drew."

Then it's time to get Hot and Nasty at Lava Gina!

Mediabistro interview with Mysterious Press/Warner Books editor Kristen Weber

Mediabistro From the Editors interview with Kristen Weber, Editor, Mysterious Press and Warner Books - she's Cosmopolitan editor Kate White's editor, and has worked with lots of mystery writers, including Marcia Muller, Margaret Maron, Karen E. Olson, new writer Cornelia Read, and others.

My review of Ian Kerner's He Comes Next from Sunday's New York Post

Could've sworn I posted this, but it doesn't seem to have gone through:

My review of Ian Kerner's He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man from Sunday's New York Post

I just like the photo

Miss Indigo (pink and) Blue
Originally uploaded by ChrisB in SEA.

We have plenty of burlesque in New York, but I adore ChrisB's Seattle burlesque photos.

February 13th party for Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales

Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales

At the next In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series on February 15th, in addition to M.J. Rose and Lauren Sanders, I'll have Carol Taylor, editor of Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales, a very hot new anthology. There's a book party for Wanderlust on Monday, February 13th at McNally Robinson:

Wanderlust launch party: Pre-Valentine's Day champagne and wine reception with readings by six Wanderlust contributors. Monday, 2/13/06 @ 7pm. Free admission. McNally Robinson Booksellers: 52 Prince Street, between Lafayette and Mulberry. 212- 274-1160.

Molly Crabapple's Tarts and Flowers show this Saturday

Tarts and Flowers
A Valentine's Art Show

Dirty Art!
Hot gogo by Lady J!
Rare Jewelry!
Perverse Raffles!
And Free Original Sin Cider for All!

February 11th, 6pm-11pm
Jigsaw Gallery
526 E 11th St, btw A and B
L to 1st Ave

Come in costume for a doorprize!

Also see my Gothamist interview with Molly Crabapple

Lynn Harris and Chris Kalb's Valentine's Day Haiku contest

Check out the newly updated and resdesigned Breakupgirl.net for some fabulous cartoons by the team of Lynn Harris and Chris Kalb, and enter their Valentine's Day Haiku Contest! As you probably know, I'm a contest queen, so even though I'm not much of a poet, I just may enter. All the details are here and the celebrity judge is Jason Reich, a writer for The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. Look what you can win:

The Veronica Mars
complete first season DVD!

An Unbelievably Limited Edition Breakup Girl DVD containing the complete BG
animations, BG's "lost" TV pilot, and many other treats!

Assorted goodies from Vinnie's
Tampon Cases -- assembled just for you by Vinnie himself!

The Ian Kerner
collection: signed copies of his books He Comes First, She Comes Next, and Be Honest, You're Not That Into Him Either!

Breakup Girl to the Rescue! signed by Lynn and Chris

He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not -- BG's original book! -- signed by Lynn and Chris

Miss Media, signed by
Lynn

Community and Bitching about feminism

Waking Vixen and I think alike - I am a fan of all the women she's into as well. That's one of the things that I'm ever so grateful for, that sense of community. It doesn't mean we all have to agree with each other all the time, but it's a sense of believing in similar ways about sex and feminism and equality. I feel like that could come off sounding cliquish, like "oh, I know these women, they're so cool," and I don't mean it that way at all, though I will say that the accessibility to me, when I was a lonely and confused law student, of women like Lisa Palac and Susie Bright and Tristan Taormino and Sallie Tisdale, both through their writing and communications, was invaluable to me.

In related news, the latest (and 10th anniversary) issue of Bitch has some fabulous pieces in it. I was shocked but honored to find my name in Rachel Fudge's "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Feminism But Were Afraid To Ask." Under "pro-sex feminism," she writes, "Proponents run the gamut from theorists like bell hooks and Patrick Califia to erotica-and-criticism writers like Susie Bright and Rachel Kramer Bussel to performance artists like Annie Sprinkle." And Tad Friend's clearly infamous 1994 Esquire piece gets mentioned in Fudge's article and in Andi Zeisler's interview with Susie Bright. Fudge writes under the same entry:

Derogatory terms: "Do-me feminism," coined by Esquire in 1994, in startled response to the supposed emergence of photogenic, unabashedly sexual feminists like Susie Bright, Elizabeth Wurtzel, and Naomi Wolf; sexually suggestive femlae musicians like Liz Phair and Courtney Love; and professional sex educators like Tristan Taormino and Nina Hartley. Also: "Lipstick feminism."

I loved the entire interview with Susie, especially her response to a question about the Esquire piece:

That article had nothing to do with representing how I felt. If I'd been interviewed in a more realistic way, you would have heard my exasperation. I would have said, "Sexually liberated people have always been more fun to go to bed with, in the ense that they have a tolerance and a curiosity and a sense of regard for the other person." Of course a gender-liberated woman is going to be sexually intriguing. That aspect of what we were saying didn't come out [in the piece], even though that is what we were all about.

I finally got to read the Esquire piece and it's clearly such a product of its time. So many of those women have moved on to do more complex work, have emerged from the sex ghetto bubble, and it's clear that "do-me feminism" or any of those monikers (Anna Quindlen called it "babe feminism") fail to capture the bigger picture. They put all the emphasis on do-me and none of it on feminism, when it's not an either/or proposition. I think the main problem is when any one woman, or even a small group, are taken to represent an entire group or class. Then it's easy to point fingers and say, "Look, she's saying the key to equality is through fucking," when really, I think what at least I'm saying is that part of the key to true equality is sexual equality. Sexual agency, autonomy, openness and freedom. Not "equality" like some backwards Antioch College rules, or like banning BDSM, or anything like that. But an equality where everyone can identify as whatever gender they feel is right for them, where gender roles are not so rigid, especially in the bedroom, as to dictate our sexual practices, and where we can freely express ourselves both in sex and in the world. But also the notion that sexual freedom and equality are only one part of a larger struggle for equality. That's what I think the Tad Friend angle misses. That "pro-sex feminism" is part of a larger whole.

I think this connects to so many aspects of what's going on sexually in our culture. Women, like, say, Sara DeKeuster, Jessica Cutler, Monica Lewinsky, etc., are often the culprits, the ones who take the fall, but it's not just and has never been just about women. Whole swaths of our culture are left out and misrepresented by extremely tired sexual stereotypes and that's what I'm primarily interested in exploring.

More book covers

But Enough About Me

More adventures in book covers: Jancee Dunn's But Enough About Me

But Enough About Me

In The Flesh calendar reminder: February 15th

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

Bask in the post-Valentine’s Day afterglow with the hottest, sexiest words in the city! February welcomes a stunning mix of performers, including M.J. Rose (Lip Service, The Delilah Complex), Carol Taylor (Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales, Brown Sugar series), Lauren Sanders (With or Without You, Kamikaze Lust), and two contributors to Wanderlust, Melvin E. Lewis and SékouWrites, along with a naughty tale from host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Copies of The Delilah Complex and Wanderlust will be given away throughout the evening along with a signed poster of The Delilah Complex. Free refreshments will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include fetishes, true confessions, GLBT stories and erotic memoirs.
Reader Bios:

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark. http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Melvin E. Lewis has a forthcoming short story, “La Linea Negra” about Puerto Rico in Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales, edited by Carol Taylor (2006). In 2005 his poetry appeared in Obsidian III and Gargoyle magazines in the United States of America. He published poetry about Tanzania, “We Are Always Close To the Sea” in the summer 2003 issue of Wasafiri in London. Recently his work has appeared in the anthologies Beyond the Frontier: African-American Poetry for the 21st Century, editor E. Ethelbert Miller, Black Classic Press, Baltimore 2002, and The Black Panther Party Reconsidered, editor Charles A. Jones, Black Classic Press, 1998. Lewis lives with his son in southeastern North Carolina. Currently, he is writing articles on popular culture, music reviews, and a novel.

M.J. Rose is the author of half a dozen novels, Lip Service, In Fidelity, Flesh Tones, Sheet Music, The Halo Effect and The Delilah Complex. She also is a contributor to Poets and Writers, Oprah Magazine, The Writer Magazine, Pages Magazine. Her short fiction has appeared in Pages Magazine, The Vestal Review and several anthologies including Best American Erotica and The Auntie's Book. She also runs the book blog Buzz, Balls & Hype, has appeared on The Today Show, Fox News, and The Jim Lehrer NewsHour, and has written for USA Today, Poets and Writers and Publishers Weekly. http://www.mjrose.com

Lauren Sanders is the author of the recent novel With or Without You (Akashic, 2005). Her highly acclaimed debut novel, Kamikaze Lust (Akashic, 2000), won a 2000 Lambda Literary Award. Her short fiction and nonfiction has appeared in many publications. She lives in Brooklyn.

Carol Taylor, a former Random House book editor, has been in book publishing for over ten years and has worked with many of today's top black writers. She is the editor of the best-selling, Brown Sugar series: Brown Sugar, Brown Sugar 2: Great One Night Stands, Brown Sugar 3: When Opposites Attract and Brown Sugar 4 and, most recently, Wanderlust: Erotic Travel Tales. Her fiction and non-fiction have appeared in many publications. She writes a relationship column for Flirt.com. She lives in New York City and is at work on a collection of her own stories. She is the CEO of Brown Sugar Productions, LTD. http://www.brownsugarbooks.com

SékouWrites is the editor of When Butterflies Kiss (Silver Lion Press, 2001), a serial novel in which ten co-authors each wrote one chapter of the same story. Sékou also writes a monthly online relationship column that responds to queries from women by offering multiple male opinions. Sékou’s fiction has been most recently published in Intimacy: Erotic Stories of Love, Lust and Marriage by Black Men (Plume, 2004) and Carol Taylor’s Wanderlust. He holds an MFA in Creative Writing/Fiction and serves as Managing Editor of UPTOWN magazine. http://www.sekouwrites.com

Jen Trynin: Everything She's Cracked Up To Be

Jen Trynin's Everything I'm Cracked Up To Be: A Rock n Roll Fairy Tale should required reading for bands on the road and music fans of all genres. In a totally straightforward style, Trynin takes readers backstage, through the songwriting process, a bidding war, and the drama that comes with being on a major label. Takes you back to "All the other girls are still at war/The best and worst of 1994," as Shawn Colvin put it in "New Thing Now." Trynin's website has several MP3s you can listen to as well as info about the book.

BOSTON -- FEB 3 (Friday, 7:30pm)

at The Attic Bar (upstairs from the Union Street Restaurant)
107 R Union St, Newton Centre, MA 617-964-6684
Newtonville Books at The Attic Series — Joining Jen will be authors/readers Tom Perrotta (Little Children, Election) and Laura Zigman (Animal Husbandry, Dating Big Bird) with special musical guests The Gravel Pit
http://www.unionst.com
http://www.newtonvillebooks.com

NEW YORK CITY -- FEB 6 (Monday, 7pm)

at Barnes & Noble at Astor Place
4 Astor Place, NYC 212-420-1322

AUSTIN -- FEB 8 (Wednesday, 7pm)

at Book People
603 North Lamar Blvd. (6th and Lamar), Austin, TX 512.472.5050

LOS ANGELES -- FEB 9 (Thursday, 7pm)

at Book Soup
8818 Sunset Blvd., W. Hollywood, CA 310-659-3110
(Free parking behind the store via Nellas St.)

My Gothamist interview with Peter Steinberg, NYC Boggle Group Organizer and Meetup.com Director of Product Development

My Gothamist interview with Peter Steinberg, NYC Boggle Group Organizer and Meetup.com Director of Product Development

The other night, on a tip from Gawker, I ventured into Rickshaw Dumpling Bar not sure what to expect, but overwhelmingly curious about a group of New Yorkers gathered for the sole purpose of playing one of my favorite games: Boggle. Immediately upon entering, I was greeted warmly and ushered into a game, where we proceeded to form words and the occasional non-word. The players were smart but not pretentious, able to laugh at their scribbles and our State of the Union-inspired plays. Then, what really sealed the deal, was when organizer Peter Steinberg approached bearing a massive chocolate cupcake from D'Aiuto's. Cupcakes and Boggle? Really, what could be better?

Turns out that in addition to running the NYC Boggle Meetup Group, Steinberg is the Director of Product Development for Meetup.com, a website where anyone can join or create a group dedicated to anything, no matter how obscure. I pestered him for his Boggle-playing tips, career history, and advice for those who want to join groups dedicated to wining and dining, Balderdash, clam chowder, beekeeping, iPod enthusiasm, cake decorating, or even kilts.

Read the interview

Respect is the new Schadenfreude

I feel like there's so much freaking Schadenfreude and negativity and hatred and jealousy floating around the Internet/blogosphere, and there's also a way that we bloggers have of talking at one another rather than to one another. Feelings get hurt, people get angry, or just build up resentments. Believe me, I know it's not fun to google or technorati or icerocket yourself (though icerocketing oneself has a kindof nice ring to it) and just come away from what you read feeling like shit and like the person writing about "you" (I use quotes because there's a very dehumanizing way people sometimes write about other people) will never even attempt to understand you.

Thankfully, I'm friends with and know and connect with all sorts of kickawesome (as Bex would say) people all the time, and if you don't already read her, you should check out Jen Lancaster's blog Jennsylvania. Not only is she smart and funny and entertaining, but I was really surprised and I respect that Jen emailed to ask me what I meant by this post. I assured her that I was basically ranting about Opinionistas, not her, but it's sortof rare in the blogosphere for someone to actually ask another person a question in a thoughtful, honest, human way, as Dacia recently observed.

Jen's also written Bitter Is The New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office (yes, that's really the official title, all on the book cover - I'm curious if there's been a longer book title. Surely there has, but what is it?), a wickedly hilarious memoir about her job search, blog start, but mostly about her morphing from spoiled sorority girl into struggling adult. It's a blog book, or a blogmoir, or whatever you want to call it, there's a bit of nonfiction chick lit "you go girl" element in there, but it's also one of those books you could read just for the cutting sarcasm, or for the deeper story underneath - up to you. You should check it out - I think an interview, somewhere, possibly here, with Jen just may be forthcoming as well:

Bitter Is The New Black

Boggle + cupcake = perfection

Boggle + cupcake = perfection
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

The other night I went to play Boggle with a group of strangers, and was having a great time. Then, all of a sudden, I was presented with a huge, gooey, chocolate/chocolate cupcake, as seen in this photo. Let me just say - it was delicious! The frosting was like chocolate pudding in frosting form, and the cake was moist and yummy. They were from D'Auito's in midtown, which I will definitely be visiting sometime soon. I also learned that cupcakes plus Boggle = lots of fun.

a week of catchup

It's been an incredibly long week, and I cannot wait until the weekend is officially here. I have the lovely Shari's birthday party on Friday, Riffs and Gigs on Saturday, and mini cupcakes and a Super Bowl party on Sunday. I've gone out a lot this week, but also written so much and felt like my head was going to explode. I went to the National Arts Club, where I'd tried to go to the book party for Some Like It Haute a few weeks ago, when I lost my beloved Fluevog. I did make it there on Tuesday for Maria Dhavana Headley's The Year of Yes, and got to have a yummy Yestini, meet Maria and her publicist, and reconnect with the gorgeous and sparkling Chloe Jo Berman. Then I got over my qualms about being a huge dork and went to play Boggle. I'd seen a mention of it on Gawker, and it seemed so fortuitous because I just played Boggle on Sunday. I can't believe I was so nervous; everyone was really, really nice, and then we were served cupcakes, like the one in the photo below, and Derek Hartley was there too. Also, well, I held my own in Boggle, I think. Last night after an extremely trying day I went to my first (but not last) Cuddle Party where I met more new people, cuddled, and felt totally mellow by the time I left. Tonight I had 2 martinis that totally made me loopy, but in a good way, and listened to everything from "Since U Been Gone" to "Groove Is In The Heart" while continuing to be a big nerd, then went to Rififi and caught Ali Waller and Roger Hailes, but sadly missed Jessi Klein. I miss comedy, have to try to go more but it feels good to make some headway with the writing. So that's my life in a nutshell. I also discovered this fabulous Turtle Mountain soy ice cream - peanut butter and chocolate - delicious! Also, everything seems to taste better after a few drinks. I plan to hit the treadmill this weekend though, I am saving up the fun, fast-paced books to read on it, like Cinderella Lopez and Pretty Little Devils. Finished M.J. Rose's fabulous The Delilah Complex, the second in her Butterfield Institute series of erotic thrillers, and now want to go back and read The Halo Effect and am anticipating the new one, The Venus Fix. And I may, hopefully, be going to Puerto Rico for a long weekend next month. If this works out, I will be so happy to be hanging in the sun, with nothing to do but bask in the warmth, sleep, and visit with my cousins.

Some links:

Consider my ovaries exploded via MP3

Mama Britney's done it again

Deadspin's the website that dare not speak its name (or have it published)

An interview with M.J. Rose

Scorpios are hot

The L Word got renewed for a 4th season