Kiri Blakeley on her gay fiancé, dating in New York and her memoir Can't Think Straight

Some of you caught Can't Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed-Up Love author Kiri Blakeley doing her very first reading from the book at Comedy Sex Night at In The Flesh last November. I just interviewed her for SexIs Magazine about finding out her fiancé was gay, dating in New York (she paints a very vivid picture of the confusion that can cause for women who like men), sexual orientation and whether her memoir is a "slut-fest."



One of the most compelling people describe in your book is James. You wrote: “For James, and men like him, fucking a girl was like watching a movie—something to do to pass the time.” You admit that when you started dating again, you were like that too—at first. Was that important because you felt you missed out on something by meeting Aaron so early?

I met Aaron when I was 26, so it wasn’t that early, but I had not dated much before him. I lost my virginity very late, at 24. I never was the type to sleep around. So yes, suddenly, when I got out of this relationship, I felt the need to go a bit wild.

Frankly, I was horny. I was in my mid-thirties, a peak sexual time for women, I felt comfortable with my body and what I wanted, I felt confident in my sexual abilities, and also, very important, I hadn’t had much of a sex life in the past five years. Aaron hadn’t shown much interest in it--for reasons that became obvious later--and I eventually lost interest, too.

Read the whole interview here


click above to buy on Amazon, where I wrote this review below. There's a line that I can't find but it was something about holding hands and I wish I'd had my usually ever-present stickie flags with me while reading (note to self, keep stickie flags on you at all times!) because it really was this perfect, perfect line):

In this often-humorous memoir, Kiri Blakeley explores both the aftermath of her ten-year relationship after her fiancé comes out as gay, as well as her emergence into a NYC dating world that is very different from the one she had encountered in her twenties. There is lots of drama here, from checking a lover's text messages and online dating profile to figuring out whether she can, or even wants to, have casual sex. Blakeley also goes from anger at her fiancé to a friendship that evolves along with her outlook on their years together; the scenes where they reunite show the resilience of their relationship, now in its platonic form, as well as the loneliness each of them feels as they move forward with their new lives.

Her relationship with James, who makes it clear he wants a casual relationship, a friendship, and is seeing other people (as is, at times, Blakeley), is both the most disturbed and problematic, but also the most compelling. After he says that can be both friends and lovers, while encouraging her to go on dates with others, she writes: "Sometime in the very early morning, I feel him tightly curling his hand around mine. When I attempt to pry my fingers from his so I can go to the kitchen to get water, he grunts his disapproval and clings tighter. It's moments like these that kept me coming back, I suppose."

There were times I wanted to yell at Blakeley, tell her she's better than some of the guys giving her the runaround, but she captures both her sense of freedom (albeit involuntary freedom) tempered with her increasing sense of attachment to her lovers. The ongoing drama makes for a gripping as well as realistic read, and the "mixed-up" of the title refers not only to her former fiancé, but to her as she tries online dating and the pickup scene, while assessing what went wrong (and right) with her ex. For any SATC fan, this is the real thing.

Erotic romance excerpt: "Lingua Franca" by Justine Elyot in Passion

Taken from author Justine Elyot's blog is this excerpt from her story "Lingua Franca" in my just-published Cleis Press anthology Passion: Erotic Romance for Women.

Also: anyone who buys the book is entitled to a free Passion button, while supplies last! You can either snail mail a receipt to me at Prince St. Station, P.O. Box 39, New York, NY 10012 or scan it or email it to passionateantho at gmail.com with "Receipt" in the subject line and your mailing address (US only). Thanks!

From "Lingua Franca" by Justine Elyot:

“Instantly I am caught up in his embrace once more, my legs held up by his in case they give way, which is not unlikely. He walks me backward, painstakingly, until I fall on to one of the red plush sofas, and then he is looming over me, one hand next to my head, preventing my escape, and the other takes hold of my white uniform blouse and rips it open. A pearl button pings on to a nearby table and I gasp, part thrilled and part outraged. “Karel!”

“I sew it,” he grins, then his head is down there, his hair brushing my throat while he explores my cleavage with the full force of his lips and tongue. His hand works busily at my other buttons, undoing them in a less destructive way, until my lace bra is exposed to him, and his stubble prickles downward, seeking out the overspill of my breasts.

He lures my nipples out of the cups using the tip of his tongue, licking and sucking, taking his time, savouring the flavour. I plant my fingers in his hair, which is reddish-brown and falls over his brow, plentiful and sometimes a little lank. I stroke and knead automatically, my wits absent, everything of me concentrated at my nerve endings – especially those between my legs.

He seems to understand instinctively that attention is needed there. He lays me down along the length of the sofa, pulling off my skirt and burying his face in my belly while his fingers stray down beyond the elastic waistband of my knickers. They almost dance, they are so light and nimble. I arch my back and squirm, inviting him to increase the pressure and move on downwards, but he loves to tease me and to watch my expression as it grows more frantic with need, laughing softly, looking up at me through the valley of my breasts.

“Touch me,” I gasp.

“No talk,” he admonishes, almost-but-not-quite delving into the folds of my vulva. The fingertips are barely-there on my outer lips and I try to buck so that he is tricked into the fast-flowing juices, but he is wise to me and simply gives my thigh a light slap, laughing again, a laughing demon. “OK,” he says eventually, relenting, and I ease out a low sigh at the sudden invasion of his fingers, properly in and on and around me, pressing and pushing, finding me more than ready for whatever he has in mind. While his fingers work, he watches me, intently, catching every nuance of my response to him, every pained twitch, every flutter of eyelid. “I see what you like,” he tells me, now using two fingers to skewer me, in and out, getting coated with the evidence of my arousal. “I like it too. You want me? Inside?”

It seems a redundant question, given the rate at which I am flipping about on his fingers, but I am glad that he has asked it. He is not – as I vaguely feared – using me for some kind of sexual revenge. My pleasure matters to him just as his does to me.”



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Cleis Press

Summer sex spectacular August 19th at In The Flesh Reading Series

In The Flesh logo by Molly Crabapple

If you can't make it, please let someone know who might enjoy In The Flesh as we get ready to go out with a BANG!

There is no RSVP requirement, but if you'd like to RSVP and/or spread the word on Facebook, click here for the Summer Sex/Sex on the Beach Night event listing. See also the In The Flesh Reading Series fan page on Facebook.

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
SUMMER SEX/SEX ON THE BEACH NIGHT
August 19, 2010, 8:00 pm - 10 pm
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://www.inthefleshreadingseries.com

Get ready to get overheated at Summer Sex/Sex on the Beach night at In The Flesh! The summer's hottest fiction, a romance novelist, a documentarian, erotica and more. Featuring Abigail Ekue (The Darker Side of Lust), Eric, Hilary Thayer Hamann (Anthropology of an American Girl), Yona Zeldis McDonough (Breaking the Bank), Tony O’Neill (Sick City), Michelle Janine Robinson (Color Me Grey), filmmaker Therese Shechter (How To Lose Your Virginity) and Hope Tarr (The Tutor). Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Orgasmic, Fast Girls, Please, Sir). Mobile Libris will sell readers' books. DVD of documentary How I Learned to Speak Turkish by Therese Shechter and 4 waterproof vibrators will be given away by EdenFantasys and 100 free copies of Sexis Magazine will be distributed. Free Baked by Melissa cupcakes, candy and chips will be served. This is the countdown to the final In The Flesh December 16th so don't miss a very special night!

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named
Happy Ending Lounge, and features the country's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. The series was named Best Reading Series by New York Press in 2009. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Mike Albo, Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Mike Daisey, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Julie Powell, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, NBC New York, New York Post, New York Observer, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Flavorwire, Fork in the Road, Gawker, Gothamist, Jezebel.com, Nerve.com, Serious Eats, Tasting Table and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice. She’s edited over 30 anthologies, including the kink-themed Spanked, Bottoms Up, Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, He's on Top, She's on Top, Rubber Sex as well as Fast Girls, Orgasmic, Peep Show, The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, and the non-fiction Best Sex Writing series. Her books won 3 2009 Independent Publisher Awards. Her writing been published in publications such as Clean Sheets, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Fresh Yarn, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, The Village Voice, and Time Out New York, and in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. Rachel conducts nationwide readings and erotic writing workshops. She has hosted In The Flesh since October 2005.
www.rachelkramerbussel.com


photo by Anya Garrett

Abigail Ekue is a writer who encompasses the inner workings of the human body and psyche in her fiction and non-fiction. Her erotic short story collection The Darker Side of Lust was published in December 2009. She has also worked with a number of photographers as an art and erotic nude model to promote positive body image, sensuality a sex-positive attitude. September 2009 marked the debut of her dildo photo exhibit, Man. Toy. Abigail has shared her work at the erotic showcase, UrbanErotika as performer, producer and curator, at ArtErotica, Freak Nasty and Abiola's Kiss and Tell Reading Series.
www.abigailekue.com



Eric is a playwright and actor, living and working in the greater Los Angeles area. His work has most recently been seen at the Hollywood Fringe Festival. He is currently serving the resident playwright of the Coeurage Theatre Company. He will be teaching English in Eastern Europe for the American Peace Corps starting in September. He is honored to be reading as a part of In The Flesh.



Hilary Thayer Hamann was born and raised in Manhattan until the age of seven. For the remainder of her childhood, she spent weekends and summers in the Bronx and weekdays in Long Island, attending school in Sag Harbor and East Hampton. She currently lives in Sag Harbor, New York. Anthropology of an American Girl is her first novel.
anthropologyofanamericangirl.com/


photo by Doug Young

Yona Zeldis McDonough received degrees from Vassar College and Columbia University. She is the author of three novels; the most recent, Breaking the Bank, was published by Pocket in September 2009. Additionally, she edited the anthologies The Barbie Chronicles: A Living Doll Turns Forty and All The Available Light: A Marilyn Monroe Reader, and and has been widely published in many literary and national magazines including Bookforum, Bride's, Cosmopolitan, Family Circle, Harper's Bazaar, Lilith, Metropolitan Home, Modern Bride, The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, O, the Oprah Magazine, Redbook, Salon, and The Village Voice. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and two children.
www.yonazeldismcdonough.com



Tony O'Neill is the author of the novels Digging the Vein and Down and Out on Murder Mile. He also coauthored the LA Times bestseller Neon Angel: Memoir of a Runaway (with Cherie Currie), and the New York Times bestseller Hero of the Underground (with Jason Peter), His new novel, Sick City (Harper Perennial) concerns the efforts of two heroin-addled schemers to sell a legendary sex tape starring Sharon Tate. Needless to say, things do not go according to plan...
www.tonyoneill.net



Michelle Janine Robinson's first novel, Color Me Grey, debuted two months ago and has enjoyed great success. Her next novel, More Than Meets They Eye, is a return to her erotic roots – with a paranormal twist – and will be available, January 4, 2011. Michelle has contributed several short stories to editor Zane’s erotic anthologies, including Purple Panties, Honey Flava and Caramel Flava, and her short story contribution “The Quiet Room” was the first featured story in the New York Times bestseller Succulent: Chocolate Flava II. Michelle is also a contributor to the oral sex-themed anthology, Tasting Him, with her story “A Tongue Is Just A Tongue,” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Michelle recently put the finishing touches on her third novel, Serial Typical (Simon & Schuster, July 2011). Michelle is a native New Yorker and the mother of identical twin boys. You can learn all about Michelle and what she is working on next on her website at www.michellejaninerobinson.com. You can also find Michelle at www.facebook.com/michelle.j.robinson, www.myspace.com/justef or follow Michelle at www.twitter.com/MJanineRobinson.



Therese Shechter uses humor-spiked personal narrative to create such documentaries as the award-winning I Was A Teenage Feminist. She's currently in the works on How to Lose Your Virginity, about America's virginity culture and those of us who live in it. Her other films include How I Learned to Speak Turkish, about sex, power and one woman's obsession with Turkish men. She writes about virginity, sex and feminism at her blog The American Virgin.
www.trixiefilms.com



Hope Tarr is the award-winning author of thirteen historical and contemporary romance novels for multiple publishers, including The Tutor (Harlequin Blaze Historical, July 1st). Hope is also a co-founder of Lady Jane's Salon, New York City's first (and so far only) monthly reading series for romance fiction. Visit Hope online at www.HopeTarr.com where you can enter her monthly and special contests and keep up with her Single Girl in the Big City adventures on her blog.


photo by BizUrban.com

You will hear from the following books:


The Darker Side of Lust by Abigail Ekue


Anthropology of an American Girl by Hilary Thayer Hamann


Sick City by Tony O'Neill


Color Me Grey by Michelle Janine Robinson


The Tutor by Hope Tarr

Giveaway of:


documentary How I Learned to Speak Turkish on DVD, directed by Therese Shechter

10 author websites I like (for Jenn Pozner)

Recently, Jenn Pozner, author of the forthcoming Seal Press book reality Bites Back: The Troubling Truth About Guilty Pleasure TV, asked on Twitter for author site recommendations. This is a very practice what I don't preach post because my website is obviously a mess and though we try to keep it updated, there's so many other more pressing things to work on. But as a reader, I visit author sites all the time to find out what's new and learn more abou tthem.

This has been delayed shamefully long so I won't elaborate at the moment but here are some author sites I like:

Hollis Gillespie - everything you need to know right up front.

The Feminista Files by Feminista author Erica Kennedy - this is a blog, but each post relates back to her novel, and there are also excerpts, reviews, press and more information.

Anna David - there used to be this great virtual magazine rack at the front of Anna's site, but it is still a good site and has all the relevant contact info and links to her various writing and other work up front and easy to find.

Dynamist.com by Virginia Postrel - the author of The Substance of Style and The Future and Its Enemies puts all her relevant info, along with her photo, right up front so you can go exactly where you want to. For the blog of her work in progress, Deep Glamour (with @deepglamour Twitter feed running on the side), see deepglamour.net.

Diana Joseph has excerpts from her memoir I'm Sorry You Feel That Way, purchasing and blog links and brands her cover throughout.

hitbyafarm.com and compassionatecarnivore.com" - these could go below, because the author, Catherine Friend, also has her website, but I think it's clear both book sites are much more engaging than her personal site.

Jessica Valenti - I really like the design of this site.

Portia da Costa - as an editor publishing some of Portia da Costa's work (in my forthcoming Passion anthology), I can say that I so appreciate her very speedy updating and am not only in awe of her prolific output, but that each book, whether her own or anthologies she's in, gets its own easy to navigate info.

Ally Carter - I like that all the book covers are there, with easily clickable info, as well as her blog and tour links, plus MySpace and Twitter.

Tera Lynn Childs - clean, pretty design that works well with book covers, prominent links for more information, excerpts and next year's book teasers.

A few book-specific sites that do a good job of providing behind the scenes details and more information. I hate when I try to find even a basic description and am just sent to Amazon. That's lazy and doesn't make me interested, plus what about readers who've already read the book but want more info?

Behind the Bedroom Door edited by Paula Derrow - a blog about the anthology's topic, author bios and excerpts from the book.

Three Wishes is a joint memoir written by three women. This site, using Ning, has photos of all three women's children, media updates, blogs and more.

Viral Loop by Adam L. Pennenberg, fittingly, has a widget and iPhone app and much more. Good press links and easy to follow.

Talking feminism, feet, high heels and "Bad Shoes" with Leora Tanenbaum

See my interview at The Gloss with Bad Shoes author Leora Tanenbaum on feminism, high heels, ballet slippers, armadillo shoes and more.

Kinky Krav maga and erotic power exchange: Interview with Please, Sir author Emerald

Reposted from the official Please, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission blog.

This is the first in a series of interviews with contributors to the anthology Please, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission (Cleis Press), forthcoming in April 2010.



Name: Emerald
URL: http://www.thegreenlightdistrict.org



How did you come up with the idea for your story in Please, Sir?

I have taken Krav Maga classes before, and in a city where I used to live, I had an instructor on whom the character Dominic is based. I found it mesmerizing to watch him, and indeed I had a crush on him.

The autobiography in the story stops at the point when Jackie agrees to train with Dominic aloneæI did show up for a Saturday class one time and was the only one there. The quote from Dominic in the story, “If you want to stay, I'll work you,” is verbatim from my instructor that day, and I remember feeling quite affected by that phrasing…

However, I declined since I was the only student there and left that day. But it has crossed my consciousness since what might have happened (or what I wanted to happen!) that day had I stayed. This story is that carried out in fictional form.

Was it a challenging story or did the writing come easily?

What I found challenging was capturing the intensity of the attraction I personally feltænot only did I remember feeling it, but I felt it again as I wrote the story. While the events of “Power over Power” are not autobiographical, the attraction and intensity were. Feeling this so forthrightly as I was in the process of writing the story seemed daunting sometimes, as I wasn't sure if it was being translated effectively via the writing.

There was an aspect of ease, however, in that there wasn't very much research involved since I have taken Krav Maga myself, and many of the things Dominic says in the story are things I heard my aforementioned instructor say. I enjoyed incorporating some of the ones that have particularly stayed with me into this story.

Do you have a favorite sentence or paragraph from your story?

Actually the paragraph excerpted in the book's introduction is one of my favorites. In addition to that one, I would say this:

Despite the subject matter, there was no bravado or machismo in his countenance. I had seen from the pictures and accompanying labels hanging in the lobby that Dominic instructed traditional martial arts as well as Krav Maga. While I had never taken any myself, I sensed in him the understated confidence I had observed before in martial artist--an exquisite self-possession and understanding of their capabilities, the assurance as such that there was no need to prove anything to anyone. It was like they had power over their own power. It served them rather than the other way around. There was no compulsion to use it, to put it on display; it was just there, second nature, if it was ever needed.

I decided that “Risk and Reward” is an applicable theme for Please, Sir. Does this theme resonate with you for your story?

Indeed. My story doesn't contain very much actual bondage, hardcore sadism/masochism, etc. But there is not only the risk of rejection in Jacqueline's sexually approaching Dominic, there is also one she doesn't even realize in Dominic's consistent demand of authenticityæof what is really there, not settling for resisting what is uncomfortable in us, of the understanding that really, power is turning toward that and becoming aware of it and seeing what it really is or where it really comes from.

So in approaching Dominic as she does, Jackie is, without being consciously aware of it, risking the comfort of allowing that unconsciousness to remain unseen and inviting through Dominic's guidance the discomfort of facing what is in her that she doesn't want or like to face. Ironically, what she thinks she is going to get is just a more intense experience of avoiding it as she has done. While she is not consciously aware of that particular risk, it seems to me that a subconscious or intuitive awareness of what awaits her may account for the intensity of the attraction she feels for Dominic. Something inside her may know that that uncovering and demand is what she needs, even if consciously she wouldn't have recognized it.

Is this story similar to or different from the other erotica you've written?

I think while of course the subject matter and perhaps the emphasis on the power connection and interplay between characters may contrast with many other things I've written, I see a similarity to some of my other work in the touching on or examination of self-awareness. To me the import of self-awareness may hardly be overestimated, and how it may connect with/relate to sexuality is something I find fascinating. (I'd guess that's one of the reasons I've so loved to writing erotica.) In this story I felt like I really got to expose that, which I much enjoyed.

What do you think makes an erotica story successful?

The same thing that makes anything successful, if one wants to use that word: authenticity.

There is a quote from Eckhart Tolle that resonates with me so much that I have restated it frequently: “[O]ur level of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.” (A New Earth p. 266.) To me that means the place where something comes from inside or through us, the energy with which it is created, is what holds its aliveness as an offering. The level of consciousness or sincerity used in the creation of the story (or any offering) is that which it tends to touch in others. It doesn't matter what the subject or offering is.

Do you have any advice for budding erotica writers?

I don't necessarily feel in a position to be dispensing advice on the subject, but what resonates with me about writing (and creating, and living in general) reflects the answer I gave to the previous question.

Practically speaking, I highly recommend the Erotica Readers and Writers Association website (http://www.erotica-writers.com). For information about publishing calls, promoting one's work, technical aspects of writing, and more, I have consistently found ERWA a wealth of information for the erotica writer.

What are you working on now?

I have a new story coming soon at The Erotic Woman and am slated to be a guest blogger at Oh Get A Grip on May 1 (my birthday). I'm also excited to be scheduled to read at In The Flesh in New York on April 15!

Beyond that I am, as usual, in the midst of about half a dozen short stories at various levels of completeness. Also as usual, a few of them have submission deadlines, which I appreciate as they help keep me on track!

Pre-order Please, Sir from:



Amazon.com



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Powell's



IndieBound



Cleis Press



Kindle version

Erica Kennedy reads from Feminista at In The Flesh

Erica Kennedy reading from her novel Feminista November's 4-year anniversary of In The Flesh Reading Series. See her blog for more information.


Feminista