Mark your calendars: May 13, Party With the Sexerat

There is also a fabulous reading for Andrea Askowitz's My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy that night at The Center.

New York, NY May 13th Tuesday, 7 p.m.

A conversation about lesbianism and parenting at LGBT Community Center, 208 West 13th Street, NYC 10011

with Rose Arce, Karin Cook, Louise Sloan, Linda Villarosa, and Terry Boggis, Director of Center Kids

See Tristan Taormino's new site www.openingup.net for more information.

Dirty Girls party photos (aka, scroll down to the boob cake)

What can I say about the Dirty Girls book party? It was a lot of fun, though the start of it was rocky because I had a rough time prior to it, forgetting my cell phone and hitting traffic in the cab, unable to communicate with the friend I'd promised a ride,and having as close to a panic attack as I get. Anyone who saw me arrive knows I was pretty stricken, and I realized that I'm just not a book party, evnt planning kind of girl. I can fake it, sure, but no more. That will be the last book party for a long while; if Harpercollins wants to do somethnig for Bedding Down, (my winter-themed erotic novella anthology out in December) great, if not, whatever. It just hit me so hard that event planning and all the leadup promotion and preparation severely detracts from my duties as a writer/editor/human being. Like, do I really care if people think I run good events if that comes at the cost of writing? No. I know now I can do it, after 2+ years of In The Flesh. And I like parts of it, but I find that with cancelling authors, so many social networks and places to spread the word, and just too much else to do, something's gotta give. Writing is insanely stressful too, but it's still a calmer kind of stress. I am reliant on myself, and yes, I'm flaky and dumb, but at least I have control of my flakiness and dumbness. I have no real control over cab rides or who shows up or any of the vagaries of planning events.

And sure, you could say I could hire an assistant or get help with it or not stress over it so much, but I'm too much of a control freak to do that. So at least I can be safe in the knowledge that I only have to have those mini panic attacks for aslong as I'm running In The Flesh, which probably won't be after this year, though we'll see. (I am thrilled to announce that Sexography author Carly Milne (more on her and her RAINN fundraising campaign later) is starting In The Flesh LA, kicking off May 29th with me and famus porn star guests at Freddy and Eddy.) That being said, I had a fabulous time once it got started. THANK YOU to everyone who showed up. So many wonderful friends were in attendance - Heidi, Nichelle, Twanna A. Hines, Michael Malice, Christen Clifford, and others. I got to feed people cake which was awesome, and it was great to have a big cake, especially such a cool one, for once (no offense to my beloved cupcakes.

Sutra Lounge was an amazing, intimate, gorgeous venue, with a throne-like chair for us to sit on and drink specials and loveliness. Between 40 and 50 people showed up and listened raptly as I read along with Lillian Ann Slugocki, Suki Bishop, Tsaurah Litzky, and Sofia Quintero. Then I got to cut the boob cake from Moist and Tasty, which had thick fondant as the "skin" and yummy chocolate cake with a light layer of frosting beneath. I sold out all my copies of the book and we signed autographs, primped and posed for photographer Stacie Joy, and chattered away. At the very end of the night, Marie Lyn Bernard (who is reading at In The Flesh on Thursday along with Sofia Quintero) showed up. See my entire photo set here


L to R: Lillian Ann Slugocki, Sofia Quintero, Suki Bishop, Rachel Kramer Bussel

Lillian Ann Slugocki read from "Trucky Stop Cinderella:"



Suki Bishop read from "Flight:"



Tsaurah Litzky read from "Lily:"



Sofia Quintero read from "El Mar de Encanto:"



The cake was amazing:



My friend Tess was sporting amazing cleavage to match the cake:

Dirty Girls NYC book party tonight!

I'm having a super fun, free book party tonight, April 10th, for my brand-new anthology with 27 HOT stories, Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women, from 7 - 9 pm in NYC at Sutra Lounge, 16 First Avenue off First Street, Free

There will be boob cake to honor the nipple on the book's cover from Moist and Tasty, readings by me (Rachel Kramer Bussel) and contributors Tsaurah Litzky, Sofia Quintero, Lillian Ann Slugocki and Suki Bishop. Plus drink specials and books for sale!

See you there! If you can't make it, the book is available for sale on Amazon or directly from me, autographed, $14 including shipping (U.S.), email me for details.

Dirty Girls is here + special free book offer!

Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women has just arrived at my publisher, Seal Press, so copies should be in bookstores any day. Special offer for U.S. addresses only: Buy
Dirty Girls from Amazon by March 31st, and I'll send you a copy of my book Sex and Candy free! Just forward your Amazon.com receipt to rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com with "Dirty Girls" in subject line. Pre-order now to save 5% off Amazon's $10.17 price.

Stay tuned to dirtygirlsbook.wordpress.com for author interviews and other fun stuff.

Save these dates:

NYC book party: Thursday, April 10th, 7-9 pm, Sutra Lounge, 16 First Avenue (at First Street), NYC, with readings and a boob cake from Moist and Tasty - with readers Tsaurah Litzky, Lillian Ann Slugocki, Sofia Quintero and Suki Bishop

San Francisco book party: Monday, April 28th, 7-9 pm, Cafe Royale,800 Post Street (at Leavenworth), San Francisco, with Rachel Kramer Bussel, Carol Queen, Donna George Storey, Melissa Gira, and other local contributors

Also, on Thursday, April 17th at 8 pm, I will be reading along with contributors Sofia Quintero and Marie Lyn Bernard at my reading series In The Flesh, at Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street. Free, 21+, with free candy and cupcakes - click here for full lineup. And if you're not in New York, don't worry, we'll be taping it and I'll post the readings here - they're going to be fabulous and in fact, Marie Lyn Bernard's piece, "Fucking Around," I first heard read at In The Flesh and loved it so much I knew I had to have it for Dirty Girls.

Acclaimed erotica writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel knows: They want it all. They want to be worshiped, ordered around, sent blindly into ecstasy, and made hot in front of a mirror. They want strangers bearing ice cubes on a hot day and to be the party favor passed around among guests. They want sex at the office and in the great outdoors and on trains and airplanes. They want sex with the whole United States of America (or, at least, part of it). They want to be wooed, seduced, flirted with, taken. They want to handpick their lovers and make them do their bidding. They want men, women, and sometimes both at the same time.



In Dirty Girls, the country's best erotic writers explore their sexual psyches. With contributions from Carol Queen, Alison Tyler, Sofia Quintero, Shanna Germain, Lillian Ann Slugocki, Tsaurah Litzky, and many others, this collection will set your heart racing as you savor these intimate, shocking, and passionate female fantasies.

Blurbs:

"Finally⎯a book about what girls REALLY think about. Well, maybe not
every one, but the dirty ones...and those are the ones who really
count." -- Joanna Angel, CEO, BurningAngel Entertainment

"Dirty Girls is the post-feminist generation's answer to Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden, a collection of erotically charged short stories that reveal that, in the 21st century, good girls are dead and dirty girls are the new black."
-- Susannah Breslin, author of You're a Bad Man, Aren't You?

"A spanking good collection of smart erotica assembled by always exciting ringleader Rachel Kramer Bussel, Dirty Girls begs the question 'What are those dirty girls thinking?' and answers with insight not just to how women want it, but why."
-- Lisa Beth Kovetz, author of The Tuesday Erotica Club

"This is an outstanding collection of hot women's stories. That's hot stories by women and stories by hot women. The table of contents reads like a who's who in the best erotica writers around, an All Star team who deliver the raunch and punch the reader deserves. Rawr."
-- Cecilia Tan, author of Black Feathers and White Flames: Erotic Dreams

Table of Contents

Introduction - Dirty and Sweet Wrapped Up in One

1. Fucking Around by Marie Lyn Bernard
2. Live Tonight by Saskia Walker
3. Just Another Girl on the Train by Catherine Lundoff
4. Beautiful Creature by Kristina Wright
5. In the Name Of… by Isabelle Gray
6. Cheesy Boots by L. Elise Bland
7. Truck Stop Cinderella by Lillian Ann Slugocki
8. The Dream of Life by Tenille Brown
9. The Mile High Club by Kate Dominic
10. Like a Good Girl by Alison Tyler
11. The Garden of Sinn by Darklady
12. Bag and Baggage by Teresa Noelle Roberts
13. Icy Hot by Rachel Kramer Bussel
14. Dreams by Marilyn Jaye Lewis
15. Shocking Expose! Secrets Revealed! by Carol Queen
16. To Dance at the Fair by Donna George Storey
17. The First Deadly Sin by Gwen Masters
18. El Mar de Encanto by Sofia Quintero
19. Flight by Suki Bishop
20. Lily by Tsaurah Litzky
21. Opera Gloves by Maddy Stuart
22. Party Favor by Andrea Dale
23. Carn Euny by Madelynne Ellis
24. A Prayer to Be Made Cocksure by Melissa Gira
25. All About Hearts by Sage Vivant
26. The Next Thing by Gina de Vries
27. Until It’s Gone by Shanna Germain

Introduction: Dirty and Sweet Wrapped Up in One

“I can be dirty and sweet at the same time” reads my self-proclaimed motto on my MySpace page. When I wrote that, I meant that not so deep inside me lurks the soul of a highly perverted, kinky, dirty girl who can get aroused often by a single word whispered in my ear or a solid smack across my ass. Once someone gets me into that zone, I’ll do anything, no matter how depraved, to be with them. I’ll find myself fantasizing about all the wicked things we can do together throughout the day and night, waking from wild dreams with the wish that they were beside me. I’ll see their name in my inbox and get instantly wet. I’ll tell them in public exactly what I want them to do to me, and vice versa. Yes, that’s what I mean by “dirty.”

Yet I don’t think my sexual interests make me any less of a well-rounded, kind-hearted intelligent person. I’m “sweet” in the sense that I care about my friends and family, like sending cards and random gifts, strive to be a good person (also, I run a blog about cupcakes). I’m as likely to kiss a lover’s forehead tenderly and offer to tuck them into bed as I am to throw them down on the floor and strip them naked. For me, the sweet and tender and down-and-dirty go hand in hand; I’m most turned on, and most slutty, when I’m partnered with someone who brings out my sweet side. Once, I visited a boyfriend who was sick with a fever, and did the one thing I could think of to make him feel better: sank down on his bed and took his cock in my mouth. Playing the slutty nurse, horny yet doting, is another aspect to my dirty/sweet motto.

I’d originally meant the phrase as a throwaway line, but more and more I’m realizing that everyone (or almost everyone) has a dirty and a sweet side. All too often we denigrate the dirty girls⎯the ones who dare to publicly show their naughty sides⎯as incorrigible sluts, rather than realizing just how much exciting it is to tap into our lustiest selves. Once you crack the surface of those who are seemingly prim and proper (the demure suburban housewife, the suited-up banker, the quiet secretary, the curious bookworm, the shy computer nerd), you’ll very likely find that the simplicity of the word “dirty” doesn’t go anywhere near far enough to describe the kinks that lurk within them.

The women writing here don’t apologize for being dirty. They know who and what they want and they go after the objects of their affection in all kinds of different ways. Reading this collection⎯whether from start to finish or skipping around to your favorite authors or the most eye-catching titles⎯will give you a glimpse into what makes women wet, what makes us feel and act dirty, what makes us slick our lips and spread our legs. Maybe, just maybe, their stories attempt to answer Freud’s infamously infuriating query: “What do women want?” To judge by the twenty-seven tales you hold in your hand, they want to be worshiped, they want to be ordered around, they want to be sent spinning into ecstasy and then come crashing back down. They want strangers bearing ice cubes on a hot day, and to be a party favor passed around among guests. They want hot vacation sex, visits to peep shows, and a man who’ll lick stinky cheese off their boots. They want power, and they want to give up power. They want sex at the office and in the great outdoors and on trains and airplanes. They want sex with the whole United States of America (or, at least, part of it). They want to be wooed, seduced, flirted with, taken. They want men, women, and sometimes both at the same time.

Of course, there’s more to what women want out of sex than any one book could possibly capture. What I’ve done with this anthology is highlight some of the best erotic writing I’ve found from authors who show you exactly what makes their hearts beat and their clits stand at attention. What they’re up to is, as Marie Lyn Bernard so aptly puts it, “Fucking Around” (which I briefly considered as a very fitting alternative title to this book). When I first heard Bernard read this story tag-team style at my reading series “In The Flesh,” I was blown away. She captures so much of the drama of sex⎯the high highs, the low lows, the awkwardness and the intensity⎯in a playful yet totally hot way. And when she writes about the Big Apple, it’ll make you want to hop the first plane or train to get here: “New York fucks me. New York fucks me so hard that I cry. My pussy opens like the long throat of a flame-swallower. Her fingers make love to the inside of my bellybutton. I am sweating so much that our bodies glide against each other like fish underwater.” You’ll find yourself drawing a map of your own sexual conquests, marking your territory right along with Bernard.

But for every feisty babe here, there’s another just in the process of discovering what turns her on. “Dirty” can be a state of mind just as much as it can be a description of one’s bedroom antics. Carol Queen’s peepshow virgin protagonist Abby doesn’t quite know what she’s getting into with her new friends Daniel and Lila, but she desperately wants to find out. “Lila’s lips covered hers right away, soft and wet, licking and nibbling in one of the most arousing kisses Abby had ever experienced,” writes Queen. “Dirty” doesn’t always mean depraved, either; these stories aren’t all wham-bam-thank-you-sir (or ma’am) quickies. Many of them evoke the intensity of emotion sex can bring with it, the ways having a lover know you literally inside and out can throw your life completely off balance, as if they can read your soul like a map, using fingers, toys, tongues, and cocks to navigate you until they own your internal compass. The thrill of giving yourself over to someone, of giving up control for that deliciously delirious sensation of pure erotic adrenaline, surfaces throughout this collection.

The women you’ll find here are complex; they’re by turns playful and bashful, horny and haughty. They want to share much more with you than just the details of their latest screw. They want you to know what makes them tick, who haunts their dreams, why they can’t quite forget the man who fucked them senseless, even when they’re with someone new. They like to watch and be watched, to take risks, to live out their long-held fantasies. Some are in loving, committed relationships, ones that allow them room to get their freak on with the person who knows just how to push their every button. Others, like my “Icy Hot” protagonist, don’t even want to know their bedmate’s name: “I forgot about the fact that I didn’t really know him at all. Sometimes, in a city of millions of strangers, you just have to take a chance and let your body make the decisions for you, as I’ve learned over the years. And my body was saying yes, please, more, harder.”

“Dirty” doesn’t preclude poetry, the kind where the words roll off the page, roll from your tongue, so beautifully it’s like they themselves are making love to you. Writers like Marilyn Jaye Lewis, Suki Bishop, and Melissa Gira probe the twisted places women go in search of sex⎯and themselves. In “A Prayer to Be Made Cocksure,” Gira elevates the art of the blowjob to new heights: “I sucked your cock as if it was the last cock. I trusted you to let me keep breathing, to never take that final bit from me, to tell me that getting any air at all was your choice just by reaching your hand down the length of your chest to me, to cradle the back of my neck, to run your fingers across my lips, softly, as you plunged suddenly and held me at the edge.” She takes you right into that moment, where this intimate act is dissected, treasured, hoarded, and missed.

You’ll find a range of motivations here, from women looking to spice up a lackluster relationship to single girls on the prowl to kinky couples, daring dommes, and sultry sirens intent on performing on a sexual stage of their own creation. You may read their stories and ask yourself: Would you ever write your name across your lover’s cock? What about pick up a stranger at a rock concert or screw a doctor in a hospital? Get fingered at the opera? Go to a bondage club? These characters do all this and more, always making sure their wanting, lusting, panting, and perversions are met with equal fervor.

Take a hot and steamy trip with these writers as they unlock your deepest desires, or perhaps give you some new ideas to try out next time you shut your eyes and part your legs. From tender to tempting, sweet to sadistic, loving to lascivious, there’s something for every reader who wants to go to bed with images that’ll surely make you blush and just may spark some brand-new, unique fantasies of your very own.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City
July 2007

Snapshots

I'm so busy this week I barely have time to blog (shocking, I know, and I have interviews to share with you all, but I am working away) so here are some photos.

What you DON'T want to see when you walk into your subway station. I titled this "Raise your hand if you also hate the L train"



With How Not to Date author Judy McGuire (if you missed it, check out my interview with her)



Cupcakes that were sent to me in NYC on Valentine's Day from Newark, Delaware bakery Sweet-N-Sassy Cupcakes. I only ate one, but it was delicious. They have custom wrappers with their name on the side and logo on the bottom!



The face of adorableness, my cousin Adam: (and I did fix the redeye but Flickr doesn't believe me for some reason)



Check out more Adam cuteness in this YouTube video

An interview with my dating guru, Judy McGuire, author of How Not to Date

Judy McGuire is who I turn to when I am having relationship problems, and believe me, I have a lot of them. She has a way of giving advice that is never condescending, comes from the heart, and experience, and is actually helpful, which isn’t anywhere as easy as it looks. So I was thrilled to read her hilarious new book, How Not to Date,just out from Seattle’s Sasquatch Books (for my "official" review, see Amazon). Eagle-eyed readers will spot my anonymous cameo in the book as well. If you hate dating books, you’re still pretty likely to like this. And for all you New Yorkers, please come out to her UnValentine book party on Wednesday, February 13th from 6:30 to 8:00 at The Knitting Factory Tap Room, 74 Leonard Street. Another thing I think is awesome about Judy is that she never bullshits. So check out her blog, her Dategirl column in Seattle Weekly, and her book, and come on out to the party – there will be yummy cupcakes from my new favorite bakery, the adorable mini cupcake empire that is Kumquat Cupcakery, and bad date stories galore.

How old are you?

Forty-three. Though I believe a careful combination of spendy moisturizers and sun/cigarette avoidance allows me to pass for forty-one-and-a-half in certain lighting situations.

Who was the first person you ever gave dating advice to, and what was it?

I went through a protracted, excruciating period of befriending crushes and then giving them advice about the girls they were hot for. Oddly enough, that girl was never me. So I guess that started in high school and I finally wised up and quit being friends with men I wanted to sleep with at some point during my early thirties. I guess you could say I’m a slow learner.

Are you better at giving dating advice than taking it?

Ha. Like most people, I’m way better at doling it out than taking it myself. I seem to have a common-sense block.

You've been writing your Dategirl column for eight years. Has the nature of the questions you get changed over the years? What's the most common question?

From jump, the most common question has been “how can I meet someone?” But people tend to tack on a bunch of caveats like, “but I hate bars, refuse to try online dating, only like redheads, won’t date outside my religion/race, etc.,” which just makes me slappy. It’s hard enough to meet someone you don’t want to punch in the face; to also require that the person meet a bunch of arbitrary requirements is just insane.

Your new book, How Not To Date, is in many ways an anti-dating guide, or perhaps it's about learning from negative examples. Why did you choose to structure it this way?

I’ve always found reading about and learning from negative examples to be far more effective and fun than plodding through some cheery instructional manual. Plus, who wants to hear about a bunch of great dates with inspiring outcomes? This book doesn’t promise to find you a date, but it will give you tips on how to avoid fucking things up beyond repair.

Were most of the contributors of horror dates your friends, or strangers? How did you go about finding them?

I told everyone I knew that I was looking. Some were friends, then there were friends of friends . . . others were recruited through my blog and still others I tracked down because something about them appealed to me. Like Dan Renzi, who used to be on the Real World. I love his blog and asked him to participate. He agreed and I’m so glad—he’s hilarious and should be a giant star.

In addition to the many dating don'ts, you also have interviews with people like porn stars Joanna Angel and Tera Patrick, DJ Kurt B. Reighley, shrink Rob Dobrenski, PhD, and a former stripper. What was the most surprising thing any of them said?

The most surprising was that while Tera Patrick said she’d reject the wee of wiener, Joanna Angel was more concerned that the person she was dating be charming and able to carry on a conversation. She said she that her sex life was so amazing at “the office,” physical chemistry (and a giant cock) were less important off-screen.

Out of all the awful stories in the book, which would you single out as the most awful, the kind you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy?

After all my research into bad dates and eight years as a dating columnist, nobody has managed to top the guy who crapped himself in my bed.

Was there anything too horrifying to include in the book?

Personally, I didn’t find this at all horrifying, but one item in my list of things you should never tell your date made my editors weep like little babies and they asked me to take it out: “I have enough extra skin around my testicles that I can wrap it around my hand like a mitten.”

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but I found it kind of charming.

My favorite part is about how your current boyfriend, Spyro, actually committed a dating faux pas (having his friends tag along on the date), but you forgave him enough for a second date. When should you let a mistake go, and when should you give someone another chance?

Spyro was freaked out when he discovered that I was a dating columnist, so he decided to protect himself with a wall of friends. Once he figured out that our date was actually a date and not a research expedition, he relaxed. He was such a goof about the whole thing it wound up being kind of charming. Plus, men are never intimidated by me, so that was refreshing!

I think people don’t rely on their gut nearly enough. If you have a good feeling about someone who suffers a momentary spazz-out, then give them another chance. But if your gut is saying no, listen. I certainly could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble that way.

Who would you say is your target audience for How Not to Date?

Anyone with $16.95 in their pocket.

Is Valentine's Day a terrible time to pick someone up, or the perfect time?

I know it’s probably wrong for a dating columnist to feel this way, but I really loathe Valentine’s Day. Any holiday specifically designed to make single people feel like crap is one I really have no use for. And yeah, I realize it’s not about that—it’s ostensibly about celebrating love, whatnot—but too many women wind up crying into their cocktails because they don’t have a boyfriend or husband to buy them an ugly stuffed animal clutching a satin heart. So I guess if you’re a guy who’s into picking up the depressed, drunk and vulnerable it’s a great time!

And now some questions for the aspiring writers out there; how did you land your Dategirl column, and what's been the secret to your longevity?

I’ve been a writer for a long time, but never wrote about relationships until a cartoonist friend and I decided to do an animated series called Dategirl. Richard Mather, the cartoonist, and I got a deal with MTV to do the series, which was about a sex and love advice columnist who lived in Williamsburg. I was all excited, quit my academic job researching heroin addicts and prepared to become the next Matt Groening.

After nine months of development, MTV passed on the show. Oopsie! Meanwhile, I’d met another Richard—Richard Martin—who was then an editor at theSeattle Weekly. He suggested I just become the main character in the TV show and try out as their new sex columnist. So I did and got the job.

As for the question of my longevity—I honestly have no idea, but am convinced that with most good things, luck played a large part.

How did the book deal come about, and how long did it take you to write it? What was the most challenging thing about the process of writing the book and getting it out into the world?

The book came about while I was on vacation. I got an email from Terence Maikels at Sasquatch Books (a Seattle publisher) asking if I was interested in writing one. Um, okay!

The actual writing was the easy, fun part of doing the book. I’m a fairly quick writer and I love interviewing people and hearing their funny stories, so that bit was cake. Sasquatch is a small press, so I didn’t get lost in the shuffle, which was great. Everyone from the publisher to my editor to the production staff was completely supportive and kind.

By far, the most difficult part has been promoting the book. I’m actually fairly shy and so the process of pushing myself into the spotlight has been excruciating. Anyone who thinks the book-writing process is over when they type “The End” is sadly mistaken.

How Not to Date was recently featured in People magazine in a roundup of Valentine's Day-themed books. How did this come about, and what kind of feedback have you been getting?

I have two lovely friends who are photo editors at People. When they heard I was doing a book, they volunteered to walk it down to the books editor and plead my case. For that I owe them my first-born. The book editor decided to run with it and so she can have my second. As I’m not actually having babies, I think probably a thank you note will have to suffice.

It’s astonishing what one little blurb in People will do for sales. My Amazon ranking rocketed. I don’t know how that translates into numbers, but I suspect it’s a very, very good thing.

Since Britney Spears was on the cover of that issue, what dating advice would you have for her?

Oh, poor dear, Britney . . . the girl needs to be medicated. She needs a solid course of pharmaceuticals and intensive therapy before she should even think about dating. And for chrissakes, somebody hook her up with some birth control.

What's next for you?

A few years ago I collaborated on an odd kid’s book that’s currently being shopped around. I have most of another proposal done, but it’s still in need of tweaking, and am trying to find the time to flesh out some television proposals that this amazing production company is interested in. Mostly I’m kind of overwhelmed because while doing all this, I need to make some dough and am also doing a bunch of marketing writing.

I’m really lucky that I get to do something I love, but sometimes it’s hard to organize your life in a way that makes it all happen and allows you to pay the bills. At least for me, anyway.

And now, since this is my blog, I will ask a public yet personal question. I seem to wind up in dating situations that aren't always worst case scenarios, but are not exactly best case scenarios, most of the time meaning that the person and I have very different dating goals and outlooks. How can you tell early on whether someone is looking for the same things, in my case, "settling down" and kids, without sounding like you're hounding them to get serious from day one?

I’d say an attitude adjustment is in order. Instead of worrying that they might not want to get married and have kids with you, try to figure out if they’re at all worthy of you even think along those lines. Most men aren’t going to be.

Then, once you find one worth considering, lay it on the line. Tell them you’re not at a place where you’re comfortable with casual sex and while you don’t equate bumping uglies with an imminent future together, you don’t want to be some schmo’s sex toy.

Not that candor necessarily guarantees you won’t get hurt. Dating can be tough and there are shady creeps who will just pull the old fuck and run, no matter how vigilant you are. You need to have a thick skin, but there’s only so much you can do to protect yourself without shutting yourself off from possibilities.

Bear in mind, that most married men didn’t go out on their first date with their wives, thinking they were going to shack up and procreate. Instead, they discovered, over time, that this particular person was the one they wanted to share their life with.

Lastly, at your New York book release party on Wednesday, February 13th, you're getting people (including me!) to share bad date stories. If someone's not in New York, how can they share their bad date story with you?

Oh, please share! I can never hear enough bad date stories—it makes me feel less alone. Go to my blog and leave them in the comments or email me at judy.mcguire AT gmail.com.

Best Sex Writing 2008 party tonight! (and interview)

I'm still a bit under the weather - way better than before, but still waking up coughing/with my throat ticklish and just not right. Basically, it sucks but I am doing my best to fight it, mentally and physically. Am gonna be doing some major Dayquil/Nyquil this week and am still moving pretty slowly, but I'm getting there and hope to be fully better by next weekend.

Please come out tonight if you can, it's gonna be fun and I'm so thrilled to have these women reading with me!

Here's the first of a few interviews I've done about Best Sex Writing 2008, with Funky Brown Chick. We're also being interviewed tomorrow for a new website and for the Bat Segundo podcast. Also see the Best Sex Writing 2008 blog for contributor interviews and sex in the news roundups.



So please don't miss our reading and party, where there will also be cupcakes like the ones pictured below (those are peanut butter chocolate, there will also be strawberry cream cheese ones, free!):

BEST SEX WRITING 2008 BOOK RELEASE PARTY AND READING!
Tuesday, January 22, 7 pm - 9 pm
At Rapture Cafe, 200 Avenue A (between 12th and 13th), NYC, FREE
Featuring editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, Rachel Shukert ("Big Mouth Strikes Again: An Oral Report"), Lux Nightmare ("The Pink Ghetto"), Miriam Datskovsky ("Absolut Nude"), and Liz Langley ("Sex and the Single Septuagenarian"). Free cupcakes from Kumquat Cupcakery will be served, and books will be available for sale and signing.

Upcoming events: Book parties, erotica panel, cupcake blog anniversary, and In The Flesh!

I have a bunch of events, which you can find out more about on my website or just see the RSS calendar on the left-hand side here. I promise much fun at the parties and will try to pack as much info into our just-under-an-hour December 1st seminar as possible.



THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29
6PM Crossdressing book party

6PM Reception, 7PM Program, $10. With Editor Rachel Kramer Bussel & authors Helen Boyd & Veronica Vera, pictured below



"Explore the erotic thrill of crossing the gender divide and mixing things up in these sultry stories about slipping into something more comfortable. From a femme who channels Marlene Dietrich in the sexiest of suits to a high-powered male executive whose tearoom trick is thrilled by his lingerie, these characters boldly indulge their fantasies of being a girl . . . or a guy . . . for a night," according to Crossdressing. Rachel Kramer Bussel is senior editor at Penthouse Variations, host of the In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series, and wrote the popular "Lusty Lady" column for The Village Voice. Helen Boyd is the author of My Husband Betty, which was a finalist for a Lambda Literary award, and the follow-up memoir, She's Not the Man I Married. Veronica Vera (MissVera.com) is the author of Miss Vera's Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls: Tips, Tales and Teachings from the Dean of the World's First Crossdressing Academy and Miss Vera's Crossdress for Success: A Resource Guide for Boys Who Want to Be Girls. Miss Vera's Academy is in New York City.

December 1, noon
Erotica panel at 20th Annual Independent and Small Press Book Fair
[12:00pm - 12:50pm] In the Flesh: Writing and Publishing Erotica moderated by Rachel Kramer Bussel
With Polly Frost (Deep Inside), Tsaurah Litzky (Erotica Professor, The New School), and Sofia Quintero (Divas Don't Yield, Contributor, Iridescence and Dirty Girls).

The New York Center for Indpendent Publishing is located in the General Society of Mechanics and Tradesmen Landmark Building at 20 West 44th Street (bet. 5th and 6th Aves) in midtown Manhattan.

December 6, 6 pm - 9 pm
Cupcakes Take the Cake Third Anniversary Party!

RSVP here (and sign up for our monthly Meetup!)

The number #1 blog about cupcakes is celebrating three years of "All Cupcakes, All The Time" with a sweet bash. It's not a costume party, but we encourage you to put on a little frosting because the best cupcake-inspired outfit will win a prize.
There will also be a raffle and CUPCAKES!

Sponsors include: Crumbs, Carolyn's Kitchen, Kumquat Cupcakery and Sugar Sweet Sunshine.

December 14, 7 pm - 8:45 pm
Sex and Candy: 22 Succulent Stories party - Books will be here by then, probably early December, I'll post when they're available for sale, on Amazon or from me. Free cupcakes at party from Kumquat Cupcakery, who makes the perfect size minis right in Williamsburg. Super yum! So yeah, excerpts and details when I actually have the book in my hands; for now, my publisher has a MySpace site and a blog dedicated to sex and candy.



December 20

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

Celebrate the sexy holiday spirit with erotic writing from Judy McGuire (How Not to Date), Abiola Abrams (Dare), M. David Hornbuckle (The Salvation of Billy Wayne Carter), Marcelle Manhattan (Sexegesis), and Molly X reading erotic haiku. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Best Sex Writing 2008, He’s on Top, She’s on Top). Door prizes include copies of Alison Tyler’s Naughty or Nice: Christmas Erotica Stories. Free candy canes and cupcakes will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne PortnoySofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Lynn Harris's Death by Chick Lit party

Last night was Lynn Harris's book party for Death by Chick Lit. It was packed with writers and comedians and such, among them Polly Frost, Mandy Stadtmiller, Rachel Sklar, Ritch Duncan, Chris Kalb, Jessica Seigel, Ophira Eisenberg, Allison Castillo, and many others. The photos below are of, respectively, Lynn about to sign books, the signature Lolatini (named after her protagonist Lola Somerville), and Rapture Cafe's awesome tip jar. Lynn read some selections from the book, including the Coney Island Insectivora scene, later prompting rememberances of going to Coney Island with Lynn to watch said freak show. If you missed it earlier, here's my Huffington Post interview with Lynn about the book and chick lit.