I'm reading Wednesday night from Take Me There

I've mostly retired from doing readings, at least for a while, but I'm very excited to read from Tristan Taormino's anthology Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, which is a little larger than average volume of stories that I haven't read in full but can say I'm extremely honored to be sharing its pages with the likes of writers like Laura Antoniou and Ivan Coyote and Sinclair Sexmith. I'm going to try to bring cupcakes, but no promises. It's a milestone for me in terms of writing what I have no fucking clue about (being FTM, boxing). Lately I'm trying to write fiction in settings and about topics I'm not personally familiar with because it pushes me as a writer to create more interesting settings and stories. A decade ago, which seems hard to believe, I organized a reading for my very first erotica story, "Monica and Me," in Tristan Taormino's Best Lesbian Erotica 2011 and I still remember my awe that people showed up, people traveled for it, that organizing a reading was this thing I could do, not to mention writing a story.

I was such a newcomer to this whole world that is now part and parcel of my life, to the point that I sometimes forget or get jaded. I really do prefer the ease of being behind my computer than live readings, because I just don't think that's where my skill and certainly not where my comfort lies, but the camaraderie, the sense of community, the ability to connect with people who've collectively listened to sex stories and gotten something out of them? That's why I still do it.

Lately I have to push myself hard to finish every story, to get out the queries, to not want to go work as an admin assistant again, (falsely) assuming anyone would even hire me for that. There is an ease to that kind of monotonous work, in my experience, yet while the lazy side of me longs for that, the rest of me wants to be challenged, to see what's next. And every day brings a blank page and that same challenge. I may blog a lot or read a lot or do all sorts of other things to escape that challenge, but it's always right back there, in front of my face. Right now I'm trying to finish a few stories that seem impossible, and I often abandon stories, even though I know my ideas are good, because I can't make them work the way they do in my head. I don't blog about the non-successes, the thousand or two-thousand or three-thousand words without a home sitting in files on my laptop, waiting for me to wrap them up, because I don't want to project that image of failure. I want to celebrate the sales, the publications, but it's those failures that haunt me.

I'm trying to atone for not at least getting to the point where I send out the work, where I try, and risk failure, rather than not submitting at all. I'm atoning to myself, by staying put, no matter how long it takes, because in the end, getting to that ending, flawed and frustrating and imperfect though it may be, is worth it. Last night on my subway ride home I was thinking to myself, I have no idea what to pitch ___, and getting stressed about it, and then I literally walked into my bedroom, got an idea, and started an essay. That act, even more than whatever response I get, reminded me where I'm supposed to be right now.

Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street, NYC
Wednesday, October 12th @ 7PM – Free
Reading: Tristan Taormino “Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica”
With Laura Antoniou, Rachel Kramer Bussel, and Sinclair Sexsmith
Come celebrate the hump day with some steamy readings from “Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica.” Local legendary contributors Laura Antoniou, Rachel Kramer Bussel, and Sinclair Sexsmith read their pieces. Columnist, sex educator, and “Take Me There” editor Tristan Taormino discusses the need for more Trans and Genderqueer erotica. Yes, Bluestockings will supply towels to mop up the sweat.

Speaking of Sinclair Sexsmith, I was looking up the details of this reading and found this column of Sinclair's: "Believe in Gratitude

I am grateful to every book I’ve ever read, all the writers who struggle to squeeze blood from a stone to get the right word on the page in the right place, making stories and sense of this world.

I am grateful to the Internet. Not just because that is the primary place of my career, but because I have been in touch with so many brilliant people because of the ways we share our lives online. It is the revolution of our times.

And if you're free Tuesday, you should also hit up Bluestockings for Samhita Mukhopadhyay's reading from Outdated, plus Thursday you can catch Justin Vivian Bond reading from the memoir Tango.

Tuesday, October 11th @ 7PM – Free
Reading: Samhita Mukhopadhyay “Outdated”
Status: Single, Married, Divorced, Desperate! Subscriptions to match.com and okCupid might be dragging you down instead of doubling your money. “Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life” shows how women have been coerced into believing their self-worth is tied to their relationship status, while addressing the difficulty of negotiating loving relationships within the borderlands of race, culture, class, and sexuality—and of holding true to your convictions and maintaining a sense of independence while doing it. Mukhopadhyay is the executive editor of Feministing.com.

Thursday, October 13th @ 7PM – Free
Reading: Justin Vivian Bond “Tango”
Growing up with the knowledge of being different from the other kids is never an easy task to tackle– especially when one minute you’re being bullied by the neighbor, and the next minute you’re making out. Justin Vivian Bond’s new book, “Tango: My Childhood, Backwards and in High Heels” vividly details Bond’s coming of age as a trans kid. With inimitable style, Bond raises issues about LBGTQ adolescence, homophobia, parenting, and sexuality, while being utterly fabulous and entertaining.

Check out the amazing lineup for Take Me There: Trans and Queer Erotica edited by Tristan Taormino

Editor Tristan Taormino posted the author lineup for her fall anthology Take Take Me There: Trans and Queer Erotica, and wrote:

In mainstream media, the erotic identities, sex lives, and fantasies of transgender and genderqueer people are often oversimplified, sensationalized, or invisible. Take Me There is an erotica collection unlike any other that celebrates the pleasure, heat, and diversity of transgender and genderqueer sexualities. The power of seeing and being seen is a central theme in the anthology; it’s not simply about passing or not passing (an idea often explored with transgender characters), but about being acknowledged and desired in a sexual context.

The book takes you from San Francisco to Israel, from heartache to lust, from stranger sex to a 10 year anniversary, from ballet shoes to butt plug bondage tables, from fumbling teenagers to leatherclad bears, from MTF and FTM—and in between and beyond.

This year and last I've hit a lot of stumbling blocks with my writing, and for a long time erotica was absolved from those blocks, but lately, that's not the case. I've had lots of books I wanted to submit to and just didn't get to finish my stories and that makes me disappointed. However, this story I'm very excited about and think it pushed me into new territory. I have another gay male erotica story coming out this fall, "Stripped," about, yes, a crossdressing stripper, but that one has some humor (and a little edge, since it's set at a frat party, and indeed is in the book Frat Boys). My point is, though, that "Punching Bag" isn't humorous; it's intense, and, I hope, powerful, the kind of story I want to keep writing, because to me BDSM is intense and powerful, no matter the gender of the people involved. I'll post another excerpt closer to the pub date, but for now, please do consider pre-ordering it. I'm linking to Amazon but you can pre-order it from any bookstore.

Here are the first two paragraphs of my story "Punching Bag:"

Kyle still wasn’t sure, two years in, if he liked punching or being punched better, on or off the ring. All he knew was that boxing made him feel alive, lit up, excited, manly…and had even when he was a woman. He’d started lurking around the gym when he’d been Kim, binding his breasts, mostly using the inert punching bags. He was afraid of hitting another woman, but he wouldn’t be afraid of hitting the block of muscle in a man’s chest. He didn’t even need anyone else, at first, to get that special high, one he’d never gotten from running or swimming or tennis.

There’s an energy to a boxing ring that he had never experienced in any other sport, not even wrestling. This was pure, raw aggression, tempered only by the rules of the game and sometimes not even that. It made grown men and women drop all pretense and simply get down to the business at hand, and he liked the way it sliced away every false veneer society put on his shoulders until it was just his mind and his fists, working in concert.



I’m proud and honored to be part of this book, not just because it features a who’s who of queer erotica, but because I feel like I tried something new for me and pushed myself with my trans male gay erotic boxing story “Punching Bag” and am very pleased with the result. This is one I will devour the minute I get my contributor copies! More on it closer to the pub date. Tristan published my very first erotica story, “Monica and Me” (as did Shar Rednour), and I will always remember and treasure that.

Tristan also wrote on Facebook that if this does well, there’s the possibility of turning it into a series, so please remember that when you are buying holiday gifts or looking for your next erotic book purchase. If you know you’ll want to read it, pre-ordering this book (or any book) helps get its numbers up and means wherever you pre-order it from knows there’s a fan base and is more likely to stock more of it!