Free Best Sex Writing 2012 reading tonight: polyamory, why atheist sex is better, female orgasm and more

Tonight at 7:30 pm come enjoy free cupcakes and some of the smartest thinkers and writers about sex at the Best Sex Writing 2012 reading at Booksmith, 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco. Facebook invite here and below find excerpts from all of your readers: Susie Bright, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Greta Christina Tracy Clark-Flory and Thomas S. Roche. And yes, of course I want you to buy the book, and come to the reading, and get your book signed, but I am also linking to the pieces so you can read them in full (and then buy the book for all the pieces you can't read online and to support the series). If you like any/all of these, please let someone know about the reading, tweet about it (@bestsexwriting or I'm @raquelita), give it as a gift, let your San Francisco and Santa Cruz and NYC friends know about tonight, April 12th, April 25th; anything you can do to support this series is wonderful. And a reminder: I am in search of submissions for Best Sex Writing 2013. Original pieces, reprints, suggestions are all welcome as long as they arrive by May 1 and I will be announcing which San Francisco writer is our guest judge very soon! Thanks for reading and see you at Booksmith and Bookshop Santa Cruz and Housing Works. For my full event schedule, visit my website.



"Why Lying About Monogamy Matters" by Susie Bright

It must make Ross pout that unrelenting evidence proves abstinence programs are not only "ineffective," they actually cause higher pregnancy rates than in places where young people have info and access to birth control. Eww!

It can turn a smiley-face upside-down, if you're a Christian religious fanatic, but sometimes the truth is... proof-y.

As for women having an infantile essential nature, which desires innocence and vacuity above all other sexual traits, leading to an unparalleled state of happy brainlessness -- gosh, how do you even begin to document that, outside of scripture and tattered Catholic catechism pamphlets?

Douthat's faith is based on the tenets of unapologetic misogyny, sexism, gender determinism, and an all-around "Daddy Knows Best" approach. I'm sure you've heard how well the Catholic clergy has led in this regard.

In Christianity, men are the natural leaders, and must stand guard against their carnality. Grrr!

Women must follow man, doting on him, caring for the hearth. Women have a lot to atone for, because they're the reason human beans got tossed out of the Garden of Eden. That's where God created everything in Seven Days and there was a Magic Apple and it really tasted good... which was premature and ill-advised. To say the least

"Penis Gagging, BDSM, and Rape Fantasy: The Truth about Kinky Sexting" by Rachel Kramer Bussel

“You don’t want to gag a woman with your penis unless you have some serious issues with the way you see women.” So says Kirsten Powers, ex-girlfriend of sex-scandal star Congressman Anthony Weiner, in a piece for The Daily Beast. She is referencing his sexting relationship with a Las Vegas blackjack dealer. The transcript of their texts was posted by Radar Online, including one bit that prompted Powers’ musing: “You will gag on me before you c** with me in you” and “[I’m] thinking about gagging your hot mouth with my c***.”

This column is not about Weiner. I’m pretty over political sex scandals and am inclined to think that someone like Weiner wanted to get caught, consciously or unconsciously. The only positive thing I can say about such scandals is that they do help shed light on just how unenlightened we are about topics like monogamy and BDSM. Here we have an example of a woman making a blanket statement about something she clearly doesn’t know the first thing about, simply because it offends her.

You know the phrase, “Taken out of context, I must seem so strange?” That goes double for pulling random bits of erotic conversation, texted or otherwise, and analyzing them as if they told a whole story. Without the motivation of the person sending and receiving them, you really don’t know anything, and yet it seems that a default anti-BDSM reaction is acceptable. Our public squeamishness over the fact that some people can eroticize pain, degradation, and being ordered around, safely, consensually and pleasurably, is nothing more than a prejudice that needs to be eradicated.

"Atheists Do It Better: Why Leaving Religion Leads to Better" by Greta Christina

And sexual guilt doesn't just go up with more conservative religions. It goes up with more religiosity, period. The more religious your upbringing is, the worse your sexual guilt is likely to be. Of people raised in very religious homes, 22.5% said they were shamed or ridiculed for masturbating (to give just one example)... compared to only 5.5% of people brought up in the least religious homes. And of people raised in very religious homes, 79.9% felt guilty about a specific sexual activity or desire... while among people raised in the least religious and most secular homes, that number drops to 26.3%. That's a huge, huge difference.

But one of the most surprising conclusions of this research? Sexual guilt from religion doesn't wreck people's sex lives forever.

Guilt According to conventional wisdom -- and I will freely admit that I held this conventional wisdom myself -- religious guilt about sex continues to torment people long after the religion itself has lost its hold. But according to the "Sex and Secularism" report, that's rarely the case. Once people let go of religion, people's positive experiences of sex, and their relative lack of guilt, happen at about the same rate as people who were never religious in the first place.

Ray was surprised by this result as well. (Surprising results -- a sign of good science!) "We did think that religion would have residual effects in people after they left," he told me, "but our data did not show this. That was a very pleasant surprise. That is not to say that some people don't continue to experience problems, but the vast majority seem to shake it off and get on with their sexual lives pretty well." So letting go of religion means a rebound to a sex life that's as satisfying, and as guilt-free, as a sex life that was never touched by religion in the first place.

"The Worship of Female Pleasure" by Tracy Clark-Flory

Nicole Daedone pulls her long dirty-blond locks into a bun, rolls up the sleeves of her crisp white dress shirt and readies her lube. On the table in front of her there is a woman, naked only from the waist down, with her knees spread wide. The 40-something founder of OneTaste, a center dedicated to “mindful sexuality,” is about to give a live and impromptu demonstration of orgasmic meditation (“OMing” for short) in a conference room at the sophisticated Le Meridien hotel in San Francisco. She takes a long look between the volunteer’s legs and enthuses to the audience of roughly 40 women: “Oh my god, it’s beautiful. It’s an electric rose color. The swelling is already beginning.”

Before long, Daedone is hunched over and vigorously stroking the woman’s most sensitive “spot” — the “upper left quadrant” of the clitoris — with just her forefinger. The recipient moans wildly as though she is being taken over by a spirit and Daedone urges her on: “Good girl. Good, good. Reach, reach, reach, reach.” As the woman’s groans peak, Daedone lets out a throaty exhalation that sounds like it belongs in a Lamaze class. Two audience members overcome by the intensity of the performance are silently crying. The demonstration, which is part of a weekend-long women’s retreat, continues for 15 minutes.

It is both arousing and deeply bizarre.

It isn’t every weekend that I find myself watching a woman being repeatedly brought to orgasm in front of a live audience — but I hardly expected normality when I asked to sit in on the workshop.

"Men Who “Buy Sex” Commit More Crimes: Newsweek, Trafficking, and the Lie of Fabricated Sex Studies" by Thomas S. Roche

Are they joking? Buying sex is already illegal most places — and it also exists almost everywhere. But this group is actually claiming that it must be “criminalized”? How far out of the world we live in do you have to be before you can believe that prostitution hasn’t been criminalized?

The answer? You just have to be a radical anti-sex feminist, apparently…in which case male-dominated society looks like just one big blur…at least, that’s what I, as a man, take away. Equating a law enforcement structure that can’t manage to stamp out street prostitution with men who frequent call girls and politicians who don’t pass stronger laws is only possible if men aren’t people.

What’s more, places where sex work is most illegal (Saudi Arabia and other Sharia-governed states) are without exception where it’s most dysfunctional (e.g., trafficked women). The nations that have the harshest anti-prostitution laws are the places where there are the greatest social strictures against consensual sexual encounters between men and women. Those countries are also — and this isn’t an accident — the nations where there’s the greatest difference between rich and poor, and the places where women have the lowest status. Oppressive laws disproportionately affect the poor, women, and racial, ethnic and religious minorities, no matter what they’re passed to do.

But it gets way worse. The “hooker-free Utopia” Farley wants to see take root in the U.S. is even more extreme than she’d let you know. In the case of Arab countries like Saudi Arabia and Egypt, those nations have a documented constancy of homosexual rape in both social and penal circumstances, as well as anti-gay murders for anyone who isn’t “discreet” about same-sex contacts.

Because Facebook comments are the new blogging, or, Marry Him, the article vs. the book

HarperStudio, the very smart, diverse, web-savvy imprint of HarperCollins that just signed new media types like Baratunde Thurston, Kevin Rose, Ryan Tate, Melanie Notkin of Savvie Auntie and author Jill Kargman, known for Momzillas, among other novels, asked on Facebook (and their blog) what readers think about Newsweek's "We Read It So You Don't Have To" feature, in this case, about Lori Gottlieb's new book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Wrong (currently 106 on Amazon), based on her 2008 article in The Atlantic.

From Fast Company:

HarperStudio will publish just two books a month and offer authors 50-50 profit sharing, rather than a traditional 7% to 15% royalty.

I wrote:

Very interesting - I truly tend to think all publicity is good publicity; like even if people aren't going to buy the book, the fact that they know about it is preferable to never having heard of it. I actually thought the book was both better and had a different argument than the (IMO) offensive article. Not 100% behind it but it gave me a lot of stuff to think about whereas the article made me want to scream.

As for Newsweek, I hadn't seen that - pretty impressed with their rundown, especially namechecking the Cristina Nehring book which obviously doesn't have the populist appeal of Gottlieb's but was (from what I read, which wasn't, admittedly, the whole book) an interesting take on the topic of love and romance. I also like that Newsweek can cop to being wrong about the whole marrying vs. getting killed by a terrorist madness that Susan Faludi debunked back in the day.

Sara Benincasa as Sarah Palin

The awesome Sara Benincasa (co-host of Cosmo Radio's Get in Bed show, which I was on last night) as Sarah Palin, the first of many vlogs, which were recently featured in Newsweek. Also check out her blog and her comedy show Family Hour with Auntie Sara. I did it and have been in the audience; it's a one-of-a-kind comedy show because it's not just comedy, it's for all kinds of family stories.



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