Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch me talk about my debut as an author, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, in this Q&A with my publisher Thought Catalog Books

Sunday, November 15, 2015

How to know your relationship is going to last

Okay, unfortunately, I don't think there's any way to know anything for 100% sure about the future. But here's my hunch about my relationship: it's lasted almost four years now both because we love each other and we are open to change. Change within ourselves and change imposed from the outside world. In January, a week or two after our anniversary, we are going to be moving for the fourth time in four years. Is that a complete pain in the ass? Of course. But both of us, after a few minutes of complaining, have simply adapted.

Yes, I just hung up my gorgeous Georgia O'Keeffe painting and other artwork. I have bookshelves set up so all my books are accessible by walking across my bedroom/office. But that's life, and we aren't moving far, and while we will still only have a one-year lease, we are both pretty confident who we're renting from won't have any reason to kick us out (in this year's case, it wasn't anything to do with us, but our landlord decided to exercise their option to move back in after our lease was up).

We have adapted to so many things: job losses, family deaths, loss of income, jealousy. We've adapted to new towns and new circumstances. We've seen each other at our best and our worst. We're working on learning how to argue more productively. Friday, we went to Grounds for Sculpture, which was stunningly gorgeous. I wasn't quite prepared for how grandiose it would be. We lucked out with a sunny but slightly chilly day, and bundled up, I was happy to roam around most of the day, punctuated by a lovely lunch at their restaurant, Rat's. We so rarely get a weekday together and if we do, are usually on our computers.

Summertime Lady by David Hostetler (side view)

Then we came home and watched the news about Paris. It was such a jarring juxtaposition to see this artwork that celebrated life and love and, I believe, timelessness, contrasted with such horrific violence.

Then yesterday, we set off for Westchester. We had a little day adventure planned, but when we checked into our hotel, it was awful. As in, we stayed for as long as it took to book another room and left. It was a little tense; I'd been so relieved to be out of the car, and there we were, getting in another one. But guess what? We not only got a refund because my boyfriend calmly but firmly told them why the room didn't work (it was very dirty and it smelled), but we found a suite at a new hotel for only abut $30 more that also had a jacuzzi hot tub we could both fit in!

Now, my boyfriend is a big guy, so this is a rare occurrence. I didn't even know he'd want to get in. But we positioned ourselves and turned up the hot water and then the jets, while I drank a tea that was still hot 20 minutes after I got it. We didn't stay long, but I just kept looking around like, What? This is my life, that I get to randomly be in a jacuzzi hot tub with someone who cares about me so much and looks out for me at every turn?

There were other moments of unexpectedness, like curving roads that I was so relieved we passed that I almost cried (I'm extremely afraid of cars, though I'm better than I used to be). I'm not saying we are both perfectly calm 24/7, but that we are each both able to roll with any given unexpected situation, or one of us can help guide the other through it. We even shared a bed, two nights after telling the world why separate beds are good for our relationship. But with the help of earplugs for him and a king-size bed, we did it. In fact, he's sleeping in that bed right now while I type this at seven in the morning.

So no, I have no idea what the future holds. But I have a feeling we are going to make it for the long haul, as long as we can continue to adapt to change in whatever form it takes.

Labels: , , ,


At November 15, 2015, Blogger Chris Maxwell Rose said...

Beautiful. Cheers to many adventures ahead with this sweet guy.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home