I wrote my first piece for The Hairpin: "Single Lady Admits: It's Me." The below will make a little more sense once you read it. Yay smart decisions! And yay The Hairpin - I have another essay in the works for them. I'm all about essays lately. Well, mixing them in with the short (and long) stories.
I am not the most thoughtful of decision-makers, or perhaps I should say, once I make a decision, or get the inkling that I’m going to make one, like getting a tattoo, I kindof just know. Considering that my January 1st and February 1st somehow involved unraveling myself from a more complicated dating situation than I’d have liked, it just seemed natural to take a break until my birthday. No drama, no confusion, no sadness. Well, there might be sadness, but not over romance or sex or dating. I feel so free, and I didn’t expect that. I thought I’d be lonely, and sometimes I am, but I’m finding that all this stuff is coming out of me, I’m having more time to work and write and think and nest. I am less focused on “what can I do to make ___ decide to like me?” I spent so much time doing that, or wondering what I did wrong to drive whoever away.
Finally, I feel like I don’t care, and all that would’ve been nice, but didn’t happen. I’m all about the Serenity Prayer and figuring out what I can change about my life, and going for it. This is one small step that I think is going to at the very least cut out hours spent in therapy obsessing over people who couldn’t care less about me, and at the most…well, who knows? It’s given me a focus: 36. Which is scary enough for me, but I’m looking forward to making the most of 35. I’ve already squandered enough of it and certainly had enough sex to last me the rest of the year. Maybe I’ll fail in some of my goals, and maybe it won’t go exactly as expected, but for now I feel like I just got all this energy back that was going outward and turned it back onto myself.