My latest Secrets of a Sex Writer column at SexIs Magazine (free print copies tomorrow night at In The Flesh!) is called "My Domme Side."
Planning our kinky date was also a good reminder to me that being a top can be challenging but also extremely rewarding. I wouldn’t say it comes naturally to me, but accessing the side of myself that enjoys seeing someone else squirm, beg and relish my control arouses me and gives me a confidence I don’t always have.
It’s more challenging, in some ways, than being a sub, in my experience. When I’m in a submissive role with a partner, my job is to do what they say. Get on my knees, be quiet, not wear panties? Done, done and done. But when I’m the one in charge of planning and figuring out what I want someone else to do for me, it’s tricky. First, I have to recognize that I’m never going to be the really mean domme who just enjoys tormenting someone for the hell of it. I like tormenting someone because—though they might cry out in pain—deep down I know they like it.
I would much rather praise someone for being good, for following my commands, then punish them for being bad. Maybe that’s ironic because when I’m the bottom, I like both being the bratty bad girl who doesn’t know how to listen and needs to be reprimanded and being told how good I am.
Read the whole column.
Previous Secrets of a Sex Writer columns:
Girl Crushes, Bisexuality and Bi-Curiousness (which I realized later should probably read "Bi-curiosity")
My "Trendy" Post-Breakup Celibacy (obviously that whole celibacy thing didn't work out for me)
"Are Your Breasts Real?" and Other Questions Not to Ask a Sex Writer