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Lusty Lady

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Monday, December 22, 2008

What I Learned from My Last Relationship

My latest Dating Drama column for The Frisky is about What I Learned from My Last Relationship.

What to say about that...not too much really. We talk, a little, and I'm trying to get out and go to old and new social events. Not that easy when I want to stay home and make casseroles (last night's was the tater tot turkey one - yum!) and watch Entourage and read YA novels. Much as I'm glad not to be buried in snow, I kindof wish I were at his family's cabin. They were so welcoming to me and I think that too made me wish I could kindof leap over our issues and join their family, but twas not to be. I think in addition to what I wrote in the column, it taught me that I'm not wedded to NYC. In some ways, I'm limited in that I don't drive and don't have a great desire to start, but I am definitely willing to explore other potential cities. The chances of me getting a job in one...probably slim, but I didn't really get that far. I have a lot to do before I could even possibly get to that point, and that's what I hope to get done this winter, along with, fingers crossed, dating. I feel like there's not all that much control I have over the dating arena of my life so I'm just kindof waiting and seeing.

Oh, and all my stressing over the Oxford thing - I found out that while it's flattering, it wasn't just me they asked, it was Carol Queen, Joani Blank, Susie Bright...who knows who else? So I don't feel quite as bad about rushing off there, plus I would realistically need more than 2 months' notice for that. I am supposed to go to Italy in May for a week to visit my mom before she moves back to the States. I've never been, and I've been dragging my feet about going, but it looks like it's going to happen, though trying to think about that right now gives me a headache. I'm trying to get January, February and March sorted out the best I can, which means finally setting up my 2009 cupcake wall calendar. I may have an iPhone, but I'm still a hard copy calendar user.

I did write a little this weekend, but a very little, and it was slowgoing. I think my erotica-writing days are nearing their end and my brain wants me to focus on what I really am meant to be doing, non-fiction. There's a book project that I know I can sell if I just get off my ass and do the necessary research, but it's scary. It's about bisexuality and it's actually quite fascinating and I have many great interviewees, but then I start to second guess myself, as I do about a lot of things. It goes back to that whole not wanting to be pigeonholed thing, and also unsureness about whether I can do justice to my topic, but I want to try.

All I really seem to write lately are to do lists, endless ones that litter my bags, my floor, every nook and cranny. I look at them, but really I look past them. I know David Allen has a new book out, but I never really got down with Getting Things Done. There's a funny article in the new Wired comparing 3 time management books, but that's for full-time freelancers. It's not even so much time management, when you have a FT job and do other things, as creativity management, balancing the big ideas with having the time to actually work on them, with jotting down notes and reminders but also finding the energy to get to them. Rachel Resnick wrote in her book about hypergrafia, and I was like, will I ever get that compulsion to write, everything else be damned? I am very excited to bid good riddance to 2008, but at the same time, it reminds me of how much I didn't accomplish, and trying to balance starting the new year off right with making amends for the old one, well, sometimes it overwhelms me. But I'm just taking things one day at a time, happy if I can eke out an idea here, a set of interview questions there.

For my next column I actually need interviewees by Saturday - it's about trying to date when you've dated heavily in the other person's social circles. How do you handle that, like dating or hooking up with someone whose friend you've been involved with in the past? Or do you consider your ex's friends off limits? Email me at rachelravenous at

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