My truth

The last thing (for now, of course, and hopefully for a good long while) I’ll say here about the whole drama of ’06 is that I think the truth is one of our most precious commodities. In so many ways, as trite as it may sound, the truth does set you free. Yet my truth and your truth may differ; I can only look inside my own heart and offer up what I see there, and that is perfectly, validly, within my right. Not only that, I feel it is, in part, my duty, my serenity, my salvation, to tell those truths in whatever way I see fit.

And there’s a reason things like Fresh Yarn, Heeb Storytelling (ahem), SMITH, Cringe, Mortified, True Sex Confessions, True Mom Confessions, and brilliantly gutsy, beautiful writers like Rebecca Woolf are thriving. We as a people want to hear those stories. We relate to them. We see ourselves reflected in them. For me, sharing stories is selfish in the sense that it’s about me first, my need, my priorities. But the secondary effects are so powerful. We get so wrapped up in our own daily cares and concerns, especially our own dramas, that we forget other people have been in the same situation⎯or worse. I’ve heard so many heartbreaking, yet soothing in that way only commiseration can provide, stories in the last few months, and they make me see that I’m not alone.

Lastly, anyone trying to blame or shame you for sharing your truth needs to take a look inward. I’m talking broadly here, because I’ve done it too. It’s their own flaws, failures, lacking, problems, that they are angry about, most especially at those who’ve seen them up close and personal. Most especially at those who realize that their insides may not match their outsides. Of course those people want to maintain their facades, of course they would rather shut other people up. I’m sure, say, Stephanie Klein’s ex-husband or, more importantly, her ex-mother-in-law, are not thrilled with how they were portrayed in Straight Up and Dirty. But I’d be willing to bet that any discomfort they feel has to be at least as much due to their own actions, their own mistreatment of others. I think anytime someone mistreats you, there are some who will turn on you instantly, like it’s your fault. I’ve seen people criticizing Mike Daisey for not having another copy of his show notes, completely missing the point. We berate ourselves enough and I’ve certainly done so but one thing I will not do is apologize for telling my truth, my way.

There are too many ironic, sad twists and turns to that story to get into it any further here; maybe I’ll bring it up at BEA and see if anyone there wants to do something with it. Actually, I’d rather let it fade because I have much better things to tell you about and share and explore. But this is about more than the First Amendment or blogging or breakups or any specifics. It’s about our stories and however we make sense and peace of them. This, these words, are how I do it, and anyone is free to read or not read them as they wish. I didn’t ask for these feelings, I didn’t ask to be placed in a really horrible situation, I didn’t ask to get my heart broken, but I did, and I dealt with it.

I found this great Daily Om (do click and subscribe) piece about “Finding Unqualified Happiness” that I think is so important. Hard, but important.

The circumstances you live through each day have the potential to bring both joy and despair into your life. Relying on the reactions they awaken within you to create an emotional foundation means living on a roller coaster of feeling whose course is determined by chance. Though you may yearn for the object of your desire-be it a new job, financial health, a spouse, or some other symbol of success-you have within you the power to be happy without it. Letting go of your "if only" thinking patterns can be as easy as recognizing that inward emptiness cannot be dispelled with outer world solutions. Try creating a list of your "if only"s. Then literally and figuratively let go of the items on the list by tearing it up or burning it. This simple action can help set in motion the intention to set you free, enabling you to make a fresh and balanced start in the present, unencumbered by regrets and unfulfilled desires.