Fifty Shades of Grey fans and haters, here's a smarter and sexier Dom than Christian Grey

The subject of this week's Philadelphia City Paper sex column, "Meet a sexier, smarter Dom than Christian Grey," is Ernest Greene and his novel Master of O, a 700-page "must-read." Why? Here's a snippet:

Because rather than BDSM being used as an angst-ridden plot device where a troubling reason is given for a character's interest in punishment and power play, Greene's characters are unapologetically kinky. At one point, while being caned, Greene writes of O, the submissive heroine, "This was quality pain. She'd had little enough of it to know how rare it was."

The idea that erotic pain can even be measured is an audacious one in a society still sorting out what we think of kinky people. Only in 2013 did the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders downgrade BDSM from a mental disorder. Greene considers kink a sexual orientation similar to being gay.

Read the whole thing here.


photo by Steve Diet Goedde

Nina Hartley live in NYC Friday for Sex Blogger Calendar party

FYI - see Tied Up Events for full details. I'm a big Nina fan and looking forward to seeing her.

New York, NY (September 10, 2010) – Tied Up Events enlisted a group of the most dynamic online sex-positive writers, models and porn stars from across the nation and Canada, along with a stellar group of photographers to create the 3rd Annual New York Sex Blogger 2011 Limited Edition Calendar.

This year’s calendar will raise funds to support Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Woodhull is a national organization whose mission is to affirm sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

Woodhull envisions a world that recognizes sexual freedom as the fundamental human right of all individuals to develop and express their unique sexuality; to be personally autonomous with regard to bodily integrity and expression; and to enjoy sexual dignity, privacy and consensual sexual expression without societal or governmental interference, coercion or stigmatization.

Woodhull is dedicated to expanding the national dialog around sex and sexuality and to being the resolute national voice that consistently raises the interconnections between various identities, communities, and the issue of sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

Portraying Visions of Sexual Freedom in the calendar are Bad Bad Girl, Brandon B, Coy Pink, Dangerous Lilly, Essin’ Em, Gloria Brame, Jiz Lee, Lillith Grey, Luna, Matthew Lawrence, Max Lagos, Mollena Williams, Nina Hartley, Radical Vixen, Sadie Smythe and Sovereign Syre. A full biography of each calendar model is available at http://www.sexbloggercalendar.com/2011-models/.

The calendar launch party will be held on Friday, October 1st, 2010, at Fontana’s, 105 Eldridge St, NYC, from 6:30 – 9:30. Not only is the party free but the first 200 guests will receive FREE gift bags stuffed with $10 gift certificates from Fascinations, fun items from Bachelorette.com, Pearl Drop vibes from Good Vibrations, cock rings from Professor Oni and Sugar and Crystal Delights, free porn cards from Hot Movies for Her, pens and a special surprise from Whore Magazine, Eros Lube courtesy of Tabu Toys, a coupon for a free vibrator from Pleasure Chest, Sliquid Organics Sampler packs from Sliquid, memberships for Shine Louise Houston’s CrashPadSeries.com and HeavenlySpire.com and much more.

Sexual inspiration and The Woodhull Freedom Foundation

Last night I attended a fundraiser outside Washington, DC for the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. From their website:

The Woodhull Freedom Foundation is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that works to affirm sexual freedom as a fundamental human right by protecting and advancing freedom of speech and sexual expression.

WFF promotes sexuality as a positive personal, social and moral value through research, advocacy, activism, education and outreach.

I was really moved by the performances of Carol Queen and Nina Hartley. Carol performed from her show PEEP SHOW and talked about a man who came in and had a very specific, personal request. I kept thinking about her being in the peep show, being able to do that, being that comfortable with her body.

I think it was Nina who said that one way to get comfortable with your body is to take your clothes off, alone, and dance around to your favorite music. It's funny because there were a few things that were said, like sex tips (Nina was quite hilarious, showing off porn positions and how porn differs from real life), and sometimes they'd say, "But everyone here knows that."

What inspired me was that, actually, no, I don't really know how to be that comfortable with my body. It's not that I always hate it, and maybe I parcel out the love/hate, like I like my boobs and am happy to show them off (though not so much when strangers know mine are in the sex blogger calendar), but the rest of me? It's unnerving, and I've been working on eating better and exercising more, save for yesterday, when the stress of barely any sleep, leaving one of my bags in a cab, and generally running around had me stuffing Cheez-Its in my face in the car. The balance of working on liking my body, learning about it, like which exercises I like and when I have the most energy and taking care of my health (yay for being able to get my allergy/asthma prescriptions tomorrow), and being comfortable with exposing it, in private or public, is something I'm constantly working on.


me and Nina Hartley


How gorgeous is the new cover of Carol Queen's groundbreaking book Exhibitionism for the Shy? I kept picking it up and fondling it, even though that's actually a book I own and know where it is. I'm not seeing it come up on Amazon, and Carol told me the books arrived two days ago. Published by Down There Press. This is a classic book I plan to reread.

Book recommendations: In the bag I left in the cab (am calling 311 tonight to try to get it back), I had two books I was quite engrossed in and recommend: Butterfly Tattoo by Deidre Knight, a romance novel with a bisexual male protagonist (short version: widowed single dad, who'd had a kid with his male partner, falls for former actress who has scar on her face from being attached by a stalker) and Viral Loop: From Facebook to Twitter, How Today's Smartest Businesses Grow Themselves by Adam L. Penenberg, about how companies can tap into users making their product (or website) go viral. I'll have more on Butterfly Tattoo along with an interview with Deidre soon; I'm so into the book I ordered a new copy, though I'm hoping I recover my left-behind stuff.

When I realized I'd lost the stuff, the first thing that came up when I googled was a New York Times article about how many people don't get their stuff back and how the process doesn't work. I forget what search terms I used but now in the light of day with some sleep, I'm finding answers, which I will share.

NYC Taxi and Limousine Commission

Taxi drivers and owners must return property they find in a taxicab. If they cannot return the property directly to you, they need to bring it to a designated police precinct.

If you lose or find something in a black car, luxury limousine, livery (community car service), paratransit vehicle (ambulette) or commuter van, you need to contact the car service company you contacted for service...

The TLC will make every effort to assist you with your report. The TLC does not employ drivers or dispatch taxicabs. The more information you give us, the better we are able to help you track down your property. Please give us the following information if you have it:

• Date and Time of Cab Ride
• Pick up Location
• Drop off Location/Destination
• Taxi Driver’s Name
• Taxi Driver’s License Number
• Taxicab Medallion/License Plate Number
• Full Description of Item(s)
• Estimated value of the property
• How you paid for your cab ride; by cash or credit card

*Tips to Help You Find Your Lost Property:

* Try calling your cell phone as soon as you discover it is missing.
* Drivers frequently attempt to return property directly to its owner. So, if you were picked-up or dropped-off at a major transportation hub, including airports and rail stations, try calling the lost and found department at that location.
* If you were picked-up or dropped-off at a hotel, contact the concierge or security office to see if your property has turned up there.
* Keep in mind that another passenger may find your property and contact you directly.
* Every time you take a cab ride, take your receipt.

Hear Nina Hartley tonight at In The Flesh: LA

I am really jealous of all you LA folks - you get the new Johnny Cupcakes store opening on Saturday and the chance to see Nina Hartley tonight for Surprises night at In The Flesh: LA.

For our third go-around, we’ve poached from all different kinds of mediums to bring you an incredible, eclectic mix of writers, authors and performers ready and willing to open up to you. The theme of the evening is “Surprises” as expressed by Marty Barrett (Fleshbot), who routinely circles the adult industry with a clever turn of phrase; Seth Greenland (Shining City), whose latest novel will have you trying to peek into your drycleaner’s back room; Nina Hartley (Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex), who – quite simply – is a porn legend; Jeff Miller (Thrillist), who helps tip dudes on what’s cool; and Colleen Wainwright (Communicatrix), who has braved internet dating tools and live to tell the tale both humorously and eloquently. Author’s books will also be on sale.

In the Flesh: L.A. (the West coast version of In The Flesh founded by Rachel Kramer Bussel) is a monthly reading series held the last Thursday of every month at Freddy and Eddy, and features the city's best journalists, authors, scriptwriters and more offering their torrid tales for your entertainment and titillation, hosted and curated by writer/editor Carly Milne (Sexography, Hooking Up, Naked Ambition). From secret dirty confessions to unique sexual insights (and even the odd embarrassment or two), these writers get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Complimentary cookies and cupcakes are courtesy of Schmerty's. The event is free, but a suggested $10 door fee will be donated to the Rape and Incest National Network. In The Flesh: L.A. debuted in May 2008.

Nina Hartley's French Toast and other links

Nina Hartley shares her recipe for French Toast! (via fabulous Chicago sex toy shop Early to Bed))



Amazon's showing that Carol Queen's latest anthology, More Five Minute Erotica, is finally out! This collection of ultra-short stories features my stories "Nurse Feelgood" and "Our Little Secret" (hint: the "secret" is a butt plug).



Two more men freed in the Genarlow Wilson case: (AP)

Two more young men have been freed after serving time in jail for a case involving a 17-year-old who had consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl.

Ryan D. Barnwell and Cortez Robinson, both 22, were released from prison Friday morning after spending 3 1/2 years behind bars. The two pleaded guilty to child molestation after attending a 2003 New Year's Eve party with Genarlow Wilson, who was sentenced to 10 years in prison for having oral sex with the girl.

Wilson, now 21, was freed Oct. 26 after the Georgia Supreme Court ruled that that his sentence was "cruel and unusual punishment." Georgia law at the time of his trial required a minimum of a decade in prison.

Slightly old (December 6th), but..."French erotica...at the library:"

Ribald and X-rated, a new exhibit at France’s national library is banned to anyone under 16.

The exhibit that opened this week offers a peek at France’s long-secret library of libido, where, starting in the 1830s, librarians hid books and other documents from the national collection that they deemed dangerous for public morality. They called it L’Enfer, or Hell, and kept it under lock and key.

In 1849, library director Joseph Naudet described L’Enfer as “a hiding place … in which we lock up certain books that are very bad but which are sometimes very precious for book-lovers and have a great monetary value.

There's been much ado about drag queen bingo in Tampa, Florida:

The drag queens were reined in and very nearly ladylike.

Succumbing to pressure from City Hall, prizeless drag queen bingo debuted at the Canvas Cafe on Monday night, to a capacity crowd of about 100 who came out to see the suddenly famous show.

But the bullhorns were gone after neighbors complained about the volume and the profanity of the trio of drag queen entertainers.


Photo of XuXu Fontana by Rod Millington

If there's a GLBT teen in your life (or you want to keep up on issues of relevance to them), check out my friend Ellen Friedrichs's About.com page on GLBT Teens, answering questions such as How Do Gay Teens Lose Their Virginity? and interviewing Muray Hill. You may also know Ellen from her webiste Sexedvice.com (also see my Gothamist interview with her)

And Happy Holidays to everyone! Here's another shot of me in my friend's Santa hat, taken by the fabulous Stacie Joy, who will be shooting me in January. I can't wait! My dream is to do a naked shoot in the snow, but that will require snow and extra courage. We'll see what happens...