Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch me talk about my debut as an author, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, in this Q&A with my publisher Thought Catalog Books

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I'm not edible, I'm monogamous

I just got this email regarding my newsletter, which you can sign up for on the left-hand side of rachelkramerbussel.com (I am very excited about using MailChimp, which is making me want to send a newsletter every day but I promise to keep it to two a month, max!), and it amused me enough to post it:
every time I get your monthly letter I found you more edible. Are you married?
I'm not married, although that line between married and unmarried often feels murky. Technically, legally, no, I am not. But as my boyfriend and I attended a wedding this weekend, of course we discussed it. "We're fake married," I said. "No, we're married, we just haven't done the paperwork," he said. Fair enough. That is a gigantic, huge distinction in the eyes of the law, and that is a separate topic. But in my heart, yes, I'm married. I take a lot of surveys and hate when the distinction is "single" vs. "married," though most of them now have a spot for domestic partnership.

As to the other question, technically, legally, no, I am not edible (sorry, cannibals). But it's a funny line, because certainly with my book cover for Sex & Cupcakes I was aiming for a sexy cover, to lure readers in. The inside is a little bit more serious and thoughtful. There's sex, and cupcakes, but there's also a lot about how sexuality intersects with the rest of my life, how there's a mountain of stereotypes attached to you the minute you publish erotica or anything about sex, and sometimes I play with and into those, as with my book cover. I don't mind that I've taken sexy photos and used them as part of my articles or "brand," to use today's modern buzzword, because that is also part of who I am. If I dressed every day in a very austere manner, it would seem more jarring to me. But I'm basically myself on the page and in person, and I want that to come across in my writing.

Clearly this person did not read my essay "Monogamishmash," which reads in part:
Now, when I get a crush on someone, or even the inkling that a crush might start, or a fantasy, I know that it's starting from a solid foundation. I don't need the outside relationship to feel happy or fulfilled in my life overall; I want it to enhance the wonderful life I already have. To me, that is a key difference, whether I take advantage of it or not. I know our love is secure, and that nobody can "break us up."
If he'd read it, he would have seen that the only person who gets to "eat" me these days is my guy. Will that change someday? Possibly. Whether we are married or not, that question is separate. But it's a line I toe, and think about; would it be better for my author image to pretend to be single? I don't seriously consider that because there would be no way I could pull that off when I keep wanting to write about my relationship. Anyway, I thought it was an interesting question, one that wasn't so simple to answer. I may not be edible, but hopefully I'm likeable.

Read "Monogamishmash" and more in Sex & Cupcakes, out now for $4.99 on Kindle.

Sex&Cupcakes

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