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Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch me talk about my debut as an author, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, in this Q&A with my publisher Thought Catalog Books

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Cuddling and other fetishes

I’m a little under the weather, due to what I think is a combination of allergies and general rundownness. It started yesterday and I have an allergist appointment on Monday but until then, am using my inhaler and trying to be calm. This does relate to dating, I promise. I was getting up this morning and commented that I wished I could stay in bed. No, I wasn’t talking to myself, but to the friend (with benefits, I guess?) whose apartment I’d slept at. And yet I stopped myself from really indulging that thought because that’s pretty much where the limit of friends with benefits is.

It’s not that we don’t talk or aren’t genuinely friends, but staying in bed all day with someone is a relationship thing. I’m doing quite well in the getting over my ex department; I even go whole days without thinking about him and when I do, if there’s wistfulness, it’s more of a general sort, and that was true this morning. The Meatball Shop now reminds me of the many friends I've taken there, and not just the time we went there and sat next to Josh Hartnett. I remembered this day I spent 24 hours with him, much of it sleeping in his bed because I was tired and a bit under the weather and we had a very easy, simple, fun, mellow day. I was impressed we could spend that much time together and not get in each other’s way.

I’m not really agitated about the whole being single thing. I did join a dating site last week, in part because I’m curious, in part to see if maybe lightning would strike and I’d meet some fabulous soul, but really, I like my independence. I have so many deadlines and work, both professional and on myself and my home, to get done that I doubt I could truly be a great girlfriend right now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss things like spending a day doing nothing with someone else, just because.

And that’s not really something I think I could find on a dating site, whether it’s okcupid or Fetlife or any other. I’m not saying I don’t believe in online dating, because I know it has worked for a lot of people I know, but the chemistry part, which I think is pretty random, isn’t something I feel like would work on a checklist.

Maybe I’m just grouchy because I’m sick, and had meant to spend my lunch hour reading my hotly anticipated copy of Tori Spelling’s new book Uncharted Territori on the elliptical machine and instead just sat at my desk with my head foggy. So apparently there is a group called Cuddle Sluts on FetLife and it has 4,097 members. That fascinates me but…even though I’ve been to cuddle parties (and they make an appearance in my novel), again, I feel like that’s something I have to work up to with someone. And it’s a very tricky line for me when I’m not officially dating anyone. I don’t want to be super detached to the point that I can’t enjoy myself but I don’t want to go the other route and be overly attached, which is what happened in my last relationship. So far, so good, I think, as long as I have my immune system to prop me up.

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