Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Thursday, November 30, 2006

the silver lining

The one good thing about a nutso breakup that happens in the middle of the night is that you find out who is really there for you. Thank you so much to: Nichelle, Rachel F, Kristin, Heidi, Miriam, Hitha, Lorelei, Ellen, Brett, Shari, Jessica, Martha, Judy and Brian for your super kind words and amazing support. You all rock my world so much that you don't even need links. I was just writing this thing about love and that's kindof funny because I had told him he had my corazon, but I took it back so fast. But you guys - I really do love you. No backsies.

In happy news, I'm keeping busy

December is a ridiculously busy month, not just with writing and parties but readings - I have the cupcake panel December 2nd, Polly Frost's Sex Scenes on the 10th, the Mediabistro one the 11th, Uban Erotika on the 16th, In The Flesh on the 20th and a Best Lesbian Erotica 2007 reading on the 21st. And...it looks like the weekend of December 9/10 I will be on NY1. Info on all of these TK. Had to write that out so I can remember. My mind is on permanent overload as I try to make sense of waaaaay too much information. I've also got lots of erotica stories to finish, two blurbs to write, my novel, well, to get motivated on, and some assorted other things that may or may not come to fruition. And some pretty new vibrators that I hope I can get into using cause I just can't really deal with seeing anyone or even trying to for a good long while. At least, I don't think, but maybe I'll pretend he never happened and go back to my plan to be fixed up by some kind folks. For now, sleep is in order.

and yeah I know this has to end if you're just in it for the win

I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. I don't know if it's better to feel things or just to go numb. It's all mushed and mashed together, the surrealness of the past day and a half. It's not that I thought I knew him inside and out by any means. There are still a few things I suspect are true but that honestly only matter if I was in that relationship still. I don't need to know anymore. The rest, well, how to hold onto the good memories when it all came crashing down in a huge roar? I wish I could've filmed that moment, my fizzing noggin, as he'd have called it, trying to assimilate way too much information. Not mine to see but before me nonetheless. It's a mad kind of power and a dangerous one.

It's not that I'm not okay with being "single" again. I am kindof desperate for some time all by myself. It's just the whole thing of it. "You look so happy" people said, because I was. It was all pretty simple. I had to write it down a few times, state it in ways I couldn't with a smile or a kiss. It was like a bubble but I didn't mind being a little removed from real life for a while. I figured it would eventually settle back down, I'd find a way to combine the work and the boy and all of it, I'd make it all mesh.

I think it's so easy to wonder "what if this, what if that." I don't even know in my best case what if scenario what would happen. We'd never have met? He wouldn't have been a dick to me? Or he would have and I wouldn't have found out? Is ignorance bliss? I guess so, in its way, because I can't deny that I *was* happy. And ever since K I really have only wanted to be with people who make me want to be a better person in some way, and he did. Even if a lot of that turned out to be an illusion, I have been saying it's like an 80/20 split. I presciently described it in an email to him as: I think sometimes you know what the right thing to do is and you don't do it, and that endears you to me too because it lets me know that you're not perfect.

And that was true, to some extent. I think people's imperfections in some ways are what make them interesting. But there are imperfections and fatal flaws, there are things that are simply self-destructive and ones that do damage to everyone around them. I think maybe there are things that chip away lightly at our souls, like peeling off nail polish, and ones that drill right through them, or vacuum them up.

I was sitting at this funeral yesterday listening and really just think that when I die, I want certain things to be said about me, and I want them to be true. I want to be known as a good friend, someone who's loyal and loving, I want to be known as a good mom, a good daughter/granddaughter/family member and I hope I get there with the mom part. I want to be known as a good writer, even though sometimes I fuck that up or I flinch when people tell me they are reading. There's more but those are the biggies. I feel like there should be a sign, a warning label, a way to check even after you think you've checked everything and everywhere. An inspection, but not of the surface, but inside. He had an impeccable surface, almost too perfect in fact, and I'm not going to lie - I will miss that. I will miss a lot of things and I know, I fucked up in some major ways, but I still get to have that.

It doesn't go away overnight, or in some split second of alternate reality infusion. I thought I wouldn't cry, because I felt so flat, as I stared in that crazy glowing screen, his, mine, mine, his. I was fueled by the churning in my stomach that, however ironically, reminds me of the somersaults I felt sitting in the Beverly Center on the phone with him. It was one word that did me in, made me collapse into a seat and smile like the giggliest schoolgirl around. It wasn't perfect, and maybe in the very very back of my mind I thought that it was too good to be true. I read Why Men Marry Bitches and tried to glean some insight. I wrote an essay worrying about being too "slutty" for him. I washed all those dishes and love the way he looked at me in those certain moments, the ones that made me turn away because it was too much attention. I don't know whether to focus on the end or the middle or the beginning. It's all one thing and it's all there inside me, churning, moving, reminding.

It's funny too that I've taken to talking to K, Monday night in fact, while, well, he was otherwise occupied. It's so funny, now, not funny ha ha, funny in the Lois sense. I could see he was on but we were busy being totally silly as we talked/texted/emailed/myspaced/chatted simultaneously. I missed that energy and that voice and that person and somehow we managed to come back to some form of friendship right when we both needed it. So maybe it all happens for a reason, a phrase I normally abhor, but I don't know. What reason that could be, I can only guess. Maybe to meet all the cool people I've met in the last month who make my life a lot happier.

And last night, before everything fell to pieces, I was at Shari's barely helping her pack, mostly hanging out and happy to see her happy, not thinking that it would be a repeat of the same stupid shit just with me this time. She was giving away all sorts of clothes, though I think she kept the hottest pieces for herself. I got a super fuzzy, soft, pink sweater that says it's a small but still manages to fit me. It feels like my gift, the thing I will sleep in and live in this winter to remind me that it really is the little things. I know I was all full speed ahead with this one but I can't fault myself for that, and maybe over time I will be able to laugh about things, like not being petite or sweet enough, like the absurdity of the whole situation. It's sad, really, not only because I wanted things to work out but because I know that we all choose to make decisions every day. We choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing, and believe me, I often choose poorly, but I'm working on it. I think maybe he'd given up, given in to the mistaken belief that New York is too busy, that we are all too set in our ways, that we should be beholden to our worst impulses, rather than our best. When I talk to K I kindof see how it is possible to escape from even our worst impulses. And I am a slow mover, I have issues I've been dealing with for ages and have sortof developed a triage system to just deal with the most urgent first. This winter was supposed to be all about me and my novel and my writing and whatever else. About quiet time alone and just focusing and being and trying, and I in some ways welcome getting back to that. It will be a little lonelier without those late night phone calls, without those arms to climb into or dishes to wash or all of the silly daily minutiae, and, well, the sex, yes. But I can't say I will miss it. I can't go backwards, only forwards, and that's what I am going to do, starting now. Even if I have to keep reminding myself of the truthfulness of that statement.

And yes, adding to the arrgghhh factor, I had just told pretty much my entire family about the relationship, which was my bad, but I think when you don't think anything's wrong, there's no reason not to. I would have had no way of knowing about this which maybe just means he's a good liar. So anyway, now I have the lovely position of telling them that it's not happening. But kudos to my uncle who just said, "Then it wasn't meant to be." EXACTLY.

Cupcake panel on Saturday

Small Press Book Fair
December 2 and 3 (click through above for full list of speakers)

Free Admission ($1 suggested donation). The address is 20 West 44th Street, between 5th and 6th Avenues, Manhattan. Tel: 212/764-7021. Hours: 10am to 6pm on Saturday and 11am to 5pm on Sunday.

Saturday, December 2

11: 00 am to 12:00 pm; Room 208
HERE'S LOOKIN' AT YOU, CUPCAKE
What is it About Cupcakes? We’ve loved them since childhood—and now it seems they’re everywhere. Cupcakes: Why do we love them so? There are lines forming outside of bake shops and thousands of cookbooks devoted to these sweet little treats; people even blog about them. Join this panel of cupcake experts as we sing the praises of the cupcake and discuss just why they have remained so popular for so long (did you know that Hostess first started making them in 1919?). Along the way you’ll learn where to find the best cupcakes in the city and pick up a baking tip or two.

Panelist are: Elaine Cohen, author of Super-Duper Cupcakes: Kids’ Creations from the Cupcake Caboose; Isa Chandra Moskowitz, author of Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World; and Rachel Kramer Bussel, writer and co-founder of the blog Cupcakes Take the Cake. Moderated by Marisa Bulzone, editorial director of Hearst Books.

Lusty Lady column, "Sexy Holiday Gift Guide Part 1"

Lusty Lady column, "Sexy Holiday Gift Guide Part 1" (Tristan Taormino is doing part 2 the week after this one)

Also, scrap the last paragraph as I now have no boyfriend! It's actually fine, or will be soon, I would so much rather be single than be with someone who doesn't care about me. Someone else will have to get that Robospanker I bought... (that was a joke!)

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wrong again

Long story short, I am now single. And sooooo not interested in dating for a very long time. The kinda funny thing is I was waiting until after my birthday when I would've supposedly had my shit together to start even trying to date, and then shit happened and I felt like I was in some really wonderful fairly tale. Silly me. I will just say that it's not every day I get to touch see a dead body and also have a major part of my life disintegrate before my very eyes. It's sleepless and surreal and yet fitting somehow, actually. There are so many ironies I can't even start, but we were listening to some Kirsty (Tropical Brainstorm) last night. She always pretty much nailed these super fucked up relationships situations. I am fine though, very ready to get back to my real life instead of the sham one.

I thought my karma might protect me
From any harm you might subject me to
That my heart could be ruled by my brain
Wrong again
So you took a little piece of me
Laid me open for the world to see
But if I meant so little to you
Why couldn't you just leave me be?
It wouldn't have made so much difference to you
But it meant the whole world to me

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Mediabistro From the Editors interview with Katie McHugh, Marlowe & Co.

Today's Mediabistro From the Editors interview is with Katie McHugh, Editor, Marlowe & Co. (she's worked on Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, among many other food and health books)

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Snarked!

Miss Snark called me the Cupcake Queen of the Known World. LOVE IT!

Wednesday hotness

I will probably not be able to make either of these as I'll be in Connecticut for a family funeral (everything's okay) but if I were here I would be highly torn between these two events:

The 14th Street Y Presents:
KOSHER-STYLE COUNTY FAIR
One Cup Exploration, a Dash of Cook-Off, One Tablespoon Sideshow and a Pinch of Taste Temptations!

Showcasing artists and performers who will creatively explore themes of food and kashrut , or keeping kosher: from Kosher Sword Swallowing to Kosher Naked Sushi; from the first NYC Amateur Kosher Hot Dog Eating Championship to Confessions of an Israeli Hummus Addict.

Bring your bib and fat pants because Heeb Magazine's Food Issue, an all-you-can-eat extravaganza will be available, www.heebmagazine.com. Plus, a kugel cook-off contest judged by "Mr. & Ms. JewSA" 2006, Noam Dolgin and Ariel Woah! Hosted by the delicious Bex Schwartz with spicy jams by Adira Amram.

Wednesday, November29, 2006
Reception 7PM, Show 8PM, $8
14th Street Y: 344 East 14th Street @ 1st Ave, www.14StreetY.org
http://upcoming.org/event/128648/


Happy Ending Reading Series
hosted by Amanda Stern

Wednesday (12.13.06): Come and hear LEANNE SHAPTON, MARCELLUS HALL and CHRIS LEO. With music from JENNIFER O CONNOR.

Happy Ending Bar
302 Broome Street
Between Forsyth and Eldridge
212-334-9676

Look for a hot pink awning with the words Health Club on it

J,M,Z,F to Delancey
B,D to Grand Street

Miscellaneous

Bristol Myers Squibb will donate $1 for every person who goes to their web site and lights a candle to fight AIDS, up to a max of $100,000. https://www.lighttounite.org/
(via Tristan Taormino)

Jennifer Weiner on Caitlin Flanagan's book's performance

8,700 copies would be a disappointing performance for a literary novel that was acquired for ten thousand dollars, written by a clubfooted, mute troll, and received zero review attention or publicity. For a book that was undoubtedly acquired for much more money, that was reviewed in the New York Times and the L.A. Times and the Wall Street Journal, and practically every other newspaper of note, whose media-savvy, witty, telegenic author was profiled in Elle and appeared everywhere from "The Today Show" to "The Colbert Report," it's flat-out shocking.

Monday, November 27, 2006

The start of my non-sexy gift guide

My next Voice column is a sexy gift guide, so this is the start of my non-sexy gift guide:





And more soon, promise!

Am I allowed to vomit if I don't have morning sickness?

I cannot even really express in words how grotesque I find the idea of being simply against contraception. Nevermind the idea, the act. That is just one of the most flawed, ridiculous, dangerous, outrageous and simply stupid things I've ever heard.

The good new sis that I found this blog today: http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org

The bad news is that I found one who's very name repulses me: http://noroomforcontraception.com/cgi-bin/cblog/

I also found news of a contraceptive pill for men that's in the works (thanks, prolifeblogs.com!)

Here's what prolifeblogs.com had to say about the development:

As with other contraceptives, this pill will to allow men to treat women as sex objects.

Whatever the form, regardless of who takes/uses it and when it is used, contraception harms the family, marriage, society, and the health of men and women.


My birth-control-taking heathen self really can't top that so I will leave you on that note. Well, one more thing: I used to be pretty easygoing on the semantics stuff. Like, okay, pro-choice, pro-life, blah blah. But I feel like the anti-abortion crowd has not only hijacked being pro "life" (which is kindof like these I Heart Female Orgasm t-shirts I'm highlighting in my sexy gift guide - who isn't pro life and who doesn't heart female orgasms?), but "pro baby." And fuck that. I cannot let that go. I am so pro baby I practically fall on the ground in front of them. That is really only a slight exaggeration. I am baby mad, as many of my friends know. I am writing more about this for another venue so will elaborate in a more eloquent way there but for now, I think the above speaks for itself. Birth control = downfall of society. Gotcha.

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me and Mindy


DSC_7790
Originally uploaded by brianvan.
Two girls in purple - with Mindy Raf at the 2nd annual fiesta de Nichelle and Carolyn. I was late but managed to close out the bar-hopping party and take some cool photos too (but this one Brian Van took.

Vote for Sarge in Idolator's "Last Christmas" contest!

Vote for Sarge in the Idolator "Last Christmas" cover contest! (or vote for whoever's cover you like best, but as a longtime Sarge/Reputation fan who's been listening to Distant on her new iPod quite a bit, I'm sold on theirs)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Weekend links

I have more links and such that I've been saving up and, big blogging lesson, many become obsolete so I will try to keep up a little better, though it's been kindof nice to spend time on the phone and reading and relaxing. I slept a lot, had a fabulous Thanksgiving in Brooklyn courtesy of Michael Malice, caught up with friends, dealt with a death in the family, and watched Just My Luck (yes, the Lindsay Lohan movie). I really needed some major time off as I feel like I've been living my life in transit with all the running around. At Mo Pitkin's on Wednesday night everyone seemed to think I was off on a trip, when I just hadn't been home in 2 days.

So here are some things that are much better written than anything I could possibly come up with with the sunshine beckoning:

"Sex, lies and the morning-after pill" by Ellie Levenson, The Guardian

Does Neal Pollack have man boobs?

Are blowjobs icky? Hell's no! (via Elexa Sexy Smart)

Kate Bornstein's advice on going through Saturn's Return

Anna Lappé's fabulous take on "The Love List" (and send in your own memoir-in-progress to Memoirville)

Also, Anna's reading tonight at Bowery Poetry Club:

Come join us this Sunday night at 8 for our next Rant
Rhapsody.

It will be provocative, entertaining,
and the perfect end to a weekend of gluttony.

The Brooklyn Rail presents

Rant Rhapsody: An Evening of Literary Non-fiction

Featuring:

Anna Lappe-Food Activist and Co-Author, "Grub: Ideas
for an Urban Organic Kitchen"

Matt Power-Train Hopper, Garden Defender, and Harper's
Contributing Editor

Naeem Mohaiemen-artist, projects include
DisappearedInAmerica.org

William Etundi, Jr.-New York Underground
Impresario & founder of Complacent.org

An Xiao-Poet, contributor to "Tanka Fields"

Keith Miller-Painter and writer who makes too many
movies

Mark Wildman Read-Activist and blogger, "Tales from
the Tombs."

Hosted by Rail editor Theodore Hamm

Bowery Poetry Club
Sunday, November 26th
8-9:30 p.m., $6

Free morning after pill December 6th at Iowa Planned Parenthood clinics

I will have more to say about Plan B soon (and my apologies for being lax in my blogging), but this is a pretty innovative way to spread the word about Plan B in Iowa, especially since they are also giving it to men, as well as women under 18 (who have to go through counseling and fill out some paperwork):

Men and women in Iowa will be able to pick up a free dose of the morning-after birth-control pill Dec. 6 from Planned Parenthood clinics across the state.

The giveaway ushers in the new era of nonprescription contraceptive pills, which became available to Iowa pharmacies in the first week of November.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I wish I had a river...

I wish I had more time but I am once again falling into the land of hopelessly far behind. Between running all over the city (which this weekend meant walking to the Village from Brooklyn, then to the upper west side, then to Sunset Park, then to the Lower East Side, and back to Brooklyn over the course of two days, was a lot of running around), being in a relationship, visiting friends and babies, and just general life, I'm pretty swamped and exhausted. SO looking forward to the long weekend and sleeping in, watching movies, reading, writing, cleaning and just being by myself for a little bit. I love the whirlwind socializing and all and have been trying to make play dates and visits and dinner plans, but I also am craving some solitude. I may go away again with my cousins and be the designated babysitter, but I don't know.

Anyway, I'm hopelessly behind so cannot comment too much but will leave you with a few links. Someday perhaps I will be able to summon more ire about this totally sex-negative post. I'm not so sure why sex writing seems to be the scapegoat for so many of the ills of the world, but I for one resent it. I'm tired of statements like this, from Chloe Hurley of The Daily Pennsylvanian's blog The Spin: "Reading (or writing) about sex is about as titillating and fresh as microwaved lasagna." It's these blanket assessments and categorizations that drive me batty. I don't presume anything I write or anyone else writes will be everyone's cup of tea (or Italian feast), but if all you've read are a few college sex mags that may not have been to your liking, guess what? There's a whole wide world of sex writing out there (and let's start with the source and inspiration for so much of it and this Feminists for Free Expression reading list), as well as a huge history of it. Believe me, I'm a student of that history, and I don't take it lightly that, say, Caught Looking, the name of my latest erotica collection, is also the name of a really seminal collection of feminist writings about pornography and censorship. I'm fascinated by the ways the debate has and hasn't changed since the time of Pleasure and Danger. I don't think these debates are over or worthless, but I do think we've largely lost that political edge. News flash: not all sex writing is meant to turn people on, and for me personally, I feel so blessed to get to do both; to write about reproductive rights and sexuality and about blowjobs and spanking. It's all part of the same package and I feel like we're almost at a place where we want to depoliticize sex, which would be fabulous, if we didn't live in a world where every freaking nuance of our sexuality is coded with legal, social and cultural cues about what's okay and not okay. That being said, I do think there's a place for the new crop of real-life Carrie Bradshaws, and that the more people talking, writing, and thinking publicly about sex, the better. We're seeing a sea change in both the erotica world (Walter Mosley just wrote an erotic novel, for but one example) as well as more openness and dialogue around very basic but eternally complex issues like just what the hell is sex anyway? There's so much going on out there, and so much confusion, fear, shame, and misinformation along with all the positive things happening, that to attack one another as basically the written equivalent of "too slutty" just seems sad to me. This continual need to put people into camps and boxes, to label us with scarlet letters that don't wash off, even in 2006, just seems ludicrous.

I'm putting together my 2nd True Sex Confessions night (April 18th, 2007) and I'm so looking forward to hearing people who bravely step beyond those cultural barriers that tell us what's okay and not okay. I'm also booking February and March so if you are a published erotica author, especially erotic romance or erotic thriller or something like that, please get in touch at rachelkb at gmail.com with "In The Flesh" in the subject line.

I am really overloaded with work, and pitching more stuff, which is great. Cupcake media has gone bonkers in the last few days, and I shall anxiously await the Google news alerts that show me that cupcakes are more popular than sex, at least, sometimes. I am trying to write a ton of smut, work on various articles, get into the head of my novel's protagonist, write an essay about sluttiness and desire, work on a sexy gift guide for the Voice, (which I'm jointly doing with Tristan), and trying to get my life in order. Well, trying to just get any one thing done at a time. I came a list from a year ago of goals and resolutions and I really have only accomplished a few of them, but they're biggies. And more and more I'm realizing it's not about checking things off some list, but the ongoing, much tougher, day to day existence stuff that's possibly boring and tedious and frustrating, but the only way these things will ever actually happen.

I interviewed my fabulous new friend Courtney (whose blog Brash Lion you must check out) about cupcakes. She is like my long lost soul sister or something. Every time I talk or email with her or read her blog, I just get this eerie sensation that she's crawled inside my head and torn out my thoughts. Not that we are exactly alike (I have no idea what the video game she stood in line all night is, even though I know I should know), but it's so fabulous to have lived in New York for 10 and a half years and still be able to meet new people, like her and Brett and Emily, who I just can tell are going to be really amazing people in my life.

Jason Toney likes the spanking bracelets we sent

"A Man Who Can Build a House Turns Me On" by Rachel Sarah

I just found this lovely post about October's In The Flesh (and ran into, but failed to recognize, Marcy Dermansky today)

I am not above flattery

Some awesome upcoming events:

From SMITH

Shooting War’s Anthony Lappé hosts “The War Room” his no-holds-barred political variety show about the war in Iraq, the media and more, with Lappé in the Bill Maher seat, only better dressed. This week’s guest is Salon’s Iraq correspondent Philip Robertson, and Lappé will be showing clips from one of the inspirations for Shooting War, the award-winning Showtime documentary BattleGround: 21 Days on the Empire’s Edge. Bonuses: 1) Test your knowledge of American foreign policy, and win a prize; 2) First person to mention SMITH magazine to Lappé wins a free round of Mo’s delicious potato latkes (pictured here—yum!) from your host (AL—I’m good for it-LS]. It all goes down on November 22, 7pm at Mo Pitkins in NYC’s Lower East Side.

This Sunday November 26th at KGB:

Fiction: Graphic Novelists

Start: Nov 26 2006 - 7:41pm
End: Nov 26 2006 - 9:00pm
Dan Goldman will be reading from "Kelly", which is currently being serialized on ACT-I-VATE. "Kelly" is a romance comic dressed up as a psychedelic Craigslist roommate thriller.

Elizabeth Genco will be reading from her story about stories, "Scheherazade."

Nick Bertozzi will be reading from the upcoming work about Picasso, Braque, the art world of France in the 20s, "The Salon".

Margo Dabaie will be reading from her work about growing up Palestinian Christian in America.

December 6th - Comics/Drawing world explosion

First it's Grace Comics Showcase (who else didn't know Ariel Schrag writes for The L Word?), then onto the fantabulous Dr. Sketchy Coloring Book release party:

oin us Wednesday, December 6, 7 p.m.
for
THE GRACE COMICS SHOWCASE!
Girly Stories, Teenage Diaries, and Other Marvels of Women's Graphic Fiction

PRESENTING:
FLY, author of many comics and zine titles including: CHRON!IC!RIOTS!PA!SM! and PEOPs.
and
Ariel Schrag, author of the autobiographical comics books Awkward, Definition, Potential and Likewise.

Guest Curated by: Ariel Bordeaux
At Mo Pitkin's
(Mo Pitkin's is located at 34 Ave. A between East 2nd and 3rd streets.

December 6, 8 - 10 pm
Dr. Sketchy's Book Release Party and One Year Extravaganza
The Slipper Room
167 Orchard St
FREE
World Famous BOB hosts a night of booze, burlesque and debauchery. John Leavitt and Molly Crabapple sign books while girls burlesque and gogo on the stage. Free cake for all.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Adventures in book covers: Death by Chick Lit

Death by Chick Lit

Death by Chick Lit

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Friday, November 17, 2006

"It's your birthday fantasia..."


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Originally uploaded by brianvan.
I really will never be able to accurately do justice to the way my cheeks hurt from laughing for 10 (more?) nonstop minutes as Todd Levin and Adira Amram unveiled my "birthday fantasia." If you missed it, you'll just have to wait for it on YouTube. O.M.G. It could just be the funniest thing I've ever heard and seeing everyone else crack up was awesome. Matt Goldich said he was watching me while it was going on. THANK YOU all for coming. I had such an amazing time, especially closing out the bar drinking bubbling grapefruit drinks with some of my favorite people in the whole world.

Quickie recap - Guys send me photos of their cocks to get me to go out with them. Sara Jo Allocco gave me a blow-up penis from Japan. Jon Friedman gave me a mascot, "Krameree." Mindy Raf gives good head and wants you to know it. Claudia Cogan is not a good lesbian. Jessica Delfino has done it on a plane.

See photos of the comedians, the birthday spankings, and the mania here, all by the all-seeing < A HREF="http://ww.485i.com">Brian Van

My sexy friends


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Originally uploaded by brianvan.
I had the bestest birthday party in the world, and seeing this girl smiling and vamping made it all the better. She's so hot; you'd have to be pretty stupid not to lust after her, wouldn't you?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Plan B available at Drugstore.com

You can now purchase Plan B at Drugstore.com - obviously, since it's emergency contraception, it would probably not be wise to try to order it on the spur of the moment, but if you think you might need it, you can pre-order it (I'm not advocating unsafe sex here at all, just letting people know)

Also, I just found out about Tennessee Guerrilla Women - LOVE THEM! (and they are how I found out about the Plan B at Drugstore.com thing)

December 20th In The Flesh lineup

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET (AT FORSYTH), NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com


Ring your jingle bells and get warm and cozy at December’s In The Flesh, featuring holiday erotica and much more. With Abiola Abrams (BET’s The Best Shorts), L. Elise Bland (Best American Erotica 2006 contributor), Scott Bowen (The Midnight Fish), Kevin Keck (Oedipus Wrecked), Stan Kent (Shoe Leather series, Hustler Hollywood), Lisa Beth Kovetz (The Tuesday Erotica Club), Karen Moulding (Unbox, The Untrainable Heart), Jean Roberta (Best Lesbian Erotica contributor), and host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Candy canes and cupcakes will be served, and erotic books, including The Merry XXXMas Book of Erotica, will be given away as door prizes.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include Erotic Memoirs (January 2007) and True Sex Confessions (April 2007). Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, Tsaurah Litzky, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette. This is NOT Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

For more information, please contact In The Flesh host and curator Rachel Kramer Bussel at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice, and conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2, Up All Night, First-Timers, Glamour Girls, Ultimate Undies, Sexiest Soles, Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage, and Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.
www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Writer-director Abiola Abrams uses movies and motivation to empower women emotionally, politically and sexually under an initiative called The Goddess Factory. She is the host of BET’s independent film series The Best Shorts and her fiction writings will be featured in activist-playwright Eve Ensler’s 2006 anthology entitled Until the Violence Stops. Her first novel will be published by Simon & Schuster in 2007. Abrams is also the creator of the recent Until the Violence Stops: NYC Women’s Film Festival in association with Eve Ensler’s V-Day. In addition, Abrams is currently creating a line of urban feminist erotic films produced by Candida Royalle.
www.thegoddessfactory.com

L. Elise Bland has worked as a stripper, a dominatrix, a fetish model, an erotic actress, and finally, a sex educator. Along the way, she started writing erotica inspired by her kinky adventures. Her most recent publications include Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 (Pretty Things Press), Best American Erotica 2006 (Fireside/Touchstone), and First-Timers: True Stories of Lesbian Awakening (Alyson). In her free time, Elise indulges in decadent gourmet cuisine and practices the fine art of Middle Eastern dance.
www.lelisebland.com

Scott Bowen works as a book editor and freelance journalist. His short story collection, The Midnight Fish, was published in 2001. After living in Brooklyn for ten years, he currently writes and lives in Connecticut.

Kevin Keck is the author of Oedipus Wrecked, a collection of essays about his sexual misadventures that Entertainment Weekly called "the short memoir of an amazingly perverted—and funny—young writer." His work has appeared on Nerve.com, and in Details and Maxim U.K. He lives in North Carolina with his twin daughters, Chloe and Isabella.
www.thekeck.com

Stan Kent is a chameleon hair colored former nightclub owning rocket scientist author of erotic novels. Stan has penned nine original, unique and very naughty works including the Shoe Leather series. Selections from his books have been featured in the Best of Erotic Writing Blue Moon collections. Stan has hosted an erotic talk show night at Hustler Hollywood for the last five years. The Los Angeles Times described his monthly performances as “combination moderator and lion tamer.” To see samples of his works and his latest hair colors, visit Stan at www.StanKent.com.

Lisa Beth Kovetz is an award winning writer and producer. Her first novel The Tuesday Erotica Club was published by Sourcebooks, Inc. in April ’06 and translated into 14 languages. Film rights have been optioned by James Middleton and Steven Gary Banks. With her company Flying South Productions, Kovetz created the Jazz Baby line of audio CDs presenting 36 classic nursery rhymes set to jazz. Her play “David’s Balls” appeared at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, has been translated into Romanian for the Pearl of the Carpethians Theater.
www.lisabethkovetz.com

Karen Moulding is a born-again virgin with no impure thoughts of any kind, but she has agreed to read at this series because she thinks Rachel is a really nice person. Karen has written several novels, including The Naked Shopper, Unbox, and The Untrainable Heart. Her poetry and fiction have appeared in the anthology Woman in the Window, The Piedmont Review, and Spectrum, and she has been a Fellow several times at the Virginia Center for Creative Arts. She has both an M.F.A. in Fiction and a J.D. from Columbia, and is author of the biannually-updated legal treatise, Sexual Orientation and the Law, even though she no longer practices law, and does not believe in sexual orientation.

Jean Roberta teaches English at a Canadian prairie university, and writes in several genres. Her\non-fiction has appeared in Girlfriends magazine and Harrington Lesbian Literary Quarterly. Her erotic stories have been published in approximately fifty print anthologies on both sides of the Atlantic, including Best Women's Erotica (2000, 2003, 2005, 2006), Best New Erotica 6, Trans Figures: Transgender Erotica, Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes, and Best Fantastic Erotica.

Lusty Lady column, "Spanker's Delight"

I will do a proper recap of last night's fabulous reading and party soon. Let's just say . . . the last two sentences of my new column are no longer true. I got really hard birthday spankings from a sexy Southern top.

Spanker's Delight
Booty whackers unleash their greatest hits

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hotness

The other day, I posted an excerpt from my Best Women's Erotica 2007 story "Animals."

Now, our fantabulous editor Violet Blue has posted her introduction to the book. Check this out:

And if you've ever been consumed with the desire to fuck so hard it burns through each others' skin and makes you into something not quite human, then you'll be unable to walk away from Rachel Kramer Bussel's Animals unchanged.

Yay!

Loving Day needs your help

Remember back in June when I interviewed Ken Tanabe, founder of Loving Day? Well, now Loving Day needs your support - see below.

Dear Friends of Loving Day,

For three years now, the Loving Day project and its supporters have
celebrated the anniversary of legalized interracial marriage in the
United States.

Over that time, the project has been providing educational resources
every day through the LovingDay.org website. Loving Day has grown
from a school project into a nationwide movement with celebrations in
seven major cities in 2006 and press coverage from the Washington
Post and other newspapers. Many people have joined us in making
Loving Day an annual tradition by hosting their own celebrations and
spreading the word about this important part of our history and our
daily lives. To many people in the multiethnic community, Loving Day
is now a familiar idea.

Amazingly, the Loving Day project has reached this point with no
outside financial support. It has relied entirely on donated
services, borrowed equipment, public spaces, and especially hard-
working volunteers. While we have made great progress in this way, we
are now reaching the limits of what our evenings, weekends, and
personal bank accounts can achieve.

This year, Loving Day has partnered with Fractured Atlas, a non-
profit organization that helps worthy projects like Loving Day to
accept tax-deductible donations. Our goal for the end of 2006 is to
raise $5000, which will both cover expenses and make the project
eligible for grants. Funds from charitable grants will enable the
Loving Day project to keep growing and to continue spreading our
positive educational message across the entire global community.

I believe that Loving Day is an idea that belongs to everyone who
values freedom and equality. Loving Day is an opportunity to
celebrate who we are and who we love. It is a way for all of us to
acknowledge our history, and to come together as friends, as family,
and as a community.

If you believe in Loving Day, please make a tax-deductible donation
in any amount online:
http://www.lovingday.org/donate.htm

If you would like to contribute in another way to the Loving Day
project or would like to contact us for any other reason, please
email us at info@lovingday.org

Many thanks, take care, and spread the word.

Yours truly,

KenTanabe
Founder, Loving Day

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Single State of the Union anthology

Now available for pre-order (with pretty cover) on Amazon...Diane Mapes edited this sure-to-be-fabulous anthology - check out the contributor list below:



Jane Hodges

Amanda Castleman

Judy McGuire

Susan Shapiro

Amy Hudock

Wendy Merrill

Lynn Harris

Rachel Sarah

Sasha Cagen

Rachel Kramer Bussel

Kay Trimberger

Bella DePaulo

Rachel Toor

Heather McKinnon

Mikki Morrissette

Suzanne Schlosberg

April Sinclair

Michal Reed

Jane Ganahl

Jessica Valenti

Dana Rozier

Suzanne Cope

M. Susan Wilson

Michelle Goodman

Adele Slaughter

Jillian Robinson

Abigail Grotke

Sarah Iverson

Litsa Dremousis

Rachel Eve Radway

Amy Thomas

Susan Jane Gilman

Chelsea Handler

Margaret Smith

Margaret Cho

Genevieve Davis Ginsburg

Laurie Notaro

Go Tuscaloosa

So thrilled to see such a pro-birth control, pro-Plan B, sensible article from Tuscaloosanews.com:

The move to put the “morning after" pill on store shelves this week was long in coming, for it is an effective and economical way to prevent pregnancy. Over-the-counter access should reduce unintended pregnancies and abortions...

National drugstore chains CVS, Walgreens and Rite Aid will all carry Plan B.

“Most of our stores should have it by [now]," said Jody Cook, spokeswoman for Rite Aid.

Until March, Wal-Mart would not stock the prescription version of Plan B, but the chain said the pill will be available in all stores by mid-November in prescription and over-the-counter forms.

Wal-Mart’s “conscientious objection policy," which allows an employee to refuse to fill a prescription on ethical or moral grounds, will remain in place, said Kory Lundberg, a Wal-Mart spokesman. In such cases, another pharmacist or employee would complete the sale...

There are nearly three million unintended pregnancies in the United States each year, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Studies also show that women are more likely to use an emergency contraceptive if it is readily available.


More TK, very soon. For now, read about the Center for Reproductive Rigths's lawsuit, Tummino v. Crawford, in which they're suing the FDA for access to emergency contraception for women of all ages and investigating the delay in getting it approved. There are plenty of documents to peruse at the link above, here's their brief summary of the case:

Tummino v. Crawford (FDA CASE)
On January 21, 2005, the Center filed suit against the Acting Commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration in federal court for failing to approve the emergency contraceptive product Plan B for over-the-counter status. Emergency contraception (EC), sometimes known as "the morning-after pill," reduces the risk of pregnancy by approximately 89 percent when it is taken within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse, according to a study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology. The lawsuit was filed within hours after the FDA announced that it would delay deciding whether Plan B should be made available over-the-counter to women 16 and older. Last year, the FDA denied another request from Plan B’s manufacturers to make the product available over-the-counter to women of all ages. In addition, the FDA has failed to act on a citizen’s petition filed by the Center almost four years ago on behalf of numerous health care and reproductive rights organizations.


Big development last week has CRR able to subpoena White House documents regarding EC:

Also on Monday, a US magistrate announced that the Center for Reproductive Rights (CRR) will be able to subpoena White House documents for its lawsuit against the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). CRR is suing the FDA for breaking its own regulations by involving politics in what should have been a scientific decision to make EC over-the-counter. The judge’s ruling also said that CRR will be able to depose former White House policy aide Jay Lefkowitz along with Dr. Sandra Kweder, deputy director of the FDA’s Office of New Drugs. The judge ruled that the FDA acted in "bad faith" in its decision-making process for making EC over-the-counter.

Book review: Gael Greene's Insatiable



I want to give Paris Hilton a copy of Gael Greene's new memoir Insatiable: Tales from a Life of Delicious Excess and make sure she reads every last page. Paris was recently quoted as saying that she prefers food over sex. (And this theme is hinted at in the forthcoming memoir I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido.) Greene, the longtime restaurant critic for New York magazine, proves without a doubt that food and sex are not only compatible but a luscious combo, and each page practically oozes with both. This is a rich, sensual story of her unabashed enthusiasm for the finer things in life, and her feistiness is made clear in the first chapter, where she seduces none other than Elvis (she doesn't remember much about the sex, but he ordered a fried egg sandwich afterward).

Interspersed with recipes that relate to her story, such as Infidelity Soup with Turkey and Winter Vegetables, The Morning-after Orange Fruit Soup and Jean Troisgros's Figs Candy Blue (named after her scandal-causing erotic novel Blue Skies, No Candy), Greene's is a tale of decadence and sensuality. It's refreshing to hear from a woman who’s over 50 who claims her pleasure everywhere she can get it. Greene writes about food and sex in a way that will make you hungry for both.

In the chapter "About Sex and Me," she begins:

The best lover turns into a pizza at 3:00 AM. Who said that? Was it Woody Allen? For me, the best pizza would turn into a lover. I have read restaurant critics who claimed to have tasted chocolate ice cream that was better than sex. I have never eaten anything that was better than sex; almost as good as great sex perhaps, but never better. Though I am sure I was born hungry, I am less certain I began life as a sensualist.

Growing up in Detroit, Michigan, Greene wasn't exposed to the delicacies and worldly cuisine she would late dine out on almost every night, traveling extensively to seek out the best in French, Chinese, American and other foodstuffs. Hers was a basic American childhood, but after graduating college in 1956 she was determined to get a job as a writer, and started out at UPI (which led her to Elvis). She soon found herself in New York and took no time getting acquainted with its ways, worshiping at the pen and palate of Craig Claibourne, building up her portfolio before joining upstart New York as the Insatiable Critic.

Aside from detailed accounts of endless meals, including the ups and downs of the restaurant world Greene becomes immersed in during her time in the “mouth trade,” the bulk of her story is about her affairs, which she's refreshingly up-front about. Speaking of an affair with a friend's ex-husband, she writes simply, "He touched me and I burst into flames," juxtaposing their lovemaking with missing her longtime husband, who she was still married to and had been exclusive with for nine and a half years up until that point. While Greene doesn't gloss over the pain she felt when her husband's affairs became known to her, she never apologizes for being a lusty, empowered woman intent on getting what she wants, not in a vicious, bitchy way, but in a liberated, of-the-moment way. She knows the power of seduction but is not in it to gain power, but pleasure. Her descriptions of sex, men and food are so sumptuous, they will likely make you think twice about having lackluster sex or eating a bland meal when you could be having a sense explosion.

She also tracks her own learning curve when it comes to pursuing pleasure. While she doesn't disavow her bedmates, she looks back on her younger self and what made her tick, upon meeting Don Forst, who was engaged at the time but who later ditched his fiancé for Greene. In one of her most honest moments, she recounts a pitfall in the dating landscape:

It's easy to see now that all that traffic in and out of my bed before Don was due not just to my uninhibited appetite for sex but a way to get close and make somebody love me. I was rarely cool. I thought getting a man was like getting the story. You had to be smart and aggressive, tie up the phone, park on the doorstep, and shove interlopers out of the way when necessary.

Seeing her transformation into someone who knows what it is to love and lust and doesn't have to resort to games is one of the highlights of the book, which is filled with grand adventure inside the kitchens of chefs around the world, providing insight into both the restaurant business and painting the scene of New York dining over the decades, as well as documenting her romantic and sexual triumphs and low moments. When she winds up dating porn star Jamie Gillis, he introduces her to a whole new seedy world, one she initially recoils from but soon finds herself so enamored of him they embark on a relationship that puzzles many of her friends. It's this ability to make bold choices that her peers may have eschewed, from pulling no punches in her reviews to taking on extra-marital lovers, making waves and seemingly not looking back until now, that makes Greene, the character, one you want to follow until the very last page.

And yes, there are movie stars, Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds among them. You'd think it would be the salacious details Greene highlights, but instead she has a way of humanizing her lovers, showing the beauty she saw in them. On Reynolds (after quoting his ex-wife on what a great lover he is in her Cosmo profile of the star):

There are men like that. Men who love women, really love women . . . men who get into a woman's head and play you like a violin prodigy, sensitive to every nuance of the female response, of one female's specific response. A man who takes you out of your mind, sends you somewhere you've never been, shows you the sexual woman you can be. Usually superlovers are the most ordinary men, short or bald, attractive perhaps but not likely the classic Adonis, certainly not the movie-star sexpot with box-office allure. Or so I would have thought.

Bottom line: I am not a foodie in any way. I am happy with takeout Indian food, a piece of spinach pizza, Burritoville, Tasti D-Lite or Taco Bell. I don't care to know every ingredient in what I eat as long as it tastes good. I don't read Gael Greene's restaurant reviews (or anyone else's). But I loved this book because of her passion—not just for food or sex or men, but for life. The Greene who starts out by seducing Elvis is not the same person we see at the end, one who's gone through marriage, countless affairs, starf*cking galore, divorce, losing friends to AIDS, losing her mother, starting Citymeals-on-Wheels, writing several books, falling in and out of love and lust. While Greene doesn't dwell on the low moments, they are there, buried between truffles and halibut and Michelin stars. You don't need to be a foodie to be insatiable, or to love Insatiable. It may be a dubious honor (though I don't mean it as one), but I think even Paris would savor it.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

On erotica

If I were to ever teach a course on erotic writing (which I may now have the courage and insight to do, if anyone's interested), one of my first assigments would be to write a totally HOT erotica story with no sex in it. Some of my favorites that I've written are like that - "What If?" and "Lap Dance Lust," namely.

I just wrote an erotica story, after failing to finish any of my half-started ones for a few weeks, that I'm really proud of. For one of the first times I wasn't using first person, and I realized that because of that, I could get into the guy's head too. The two characters are strangers, but they didn't have to be strangers to me. And the woman in the story, Kate, didn't have to know the things that I, and the reader knew. It changed the entire course of the story and forced me to look at her from his point of view, which I think is also helpful in real life, especially when things get heated (both sexy heated and angry heated).

I am really happy with it - it's a submission to an anthology, so I hope it gets picked up, but I wanted to share a snippet. I was stalled on it and then finally it sortof flowed, and I may try my hand at third person again in the future. I also had originally planned to have them get i on in the actual story but realized that I had no need to; their foreplay and dirty talk is so hot it would almost be overkill to have them fuck on the page. But make no mistake, they will get together.

Now, I know this may not be how all guys think, but I realized while writing that that doesn't matter. All that matters is whether it's how my character thinks. And of course, since I'm holding the strings, I can make them complementary. I know, this is probably very basic Fiction 101 stuff, but I'm so excited. I am going to be doing lots of writing exercises as I write my novel and try to really figure out not just what happens to my protagonist, but who she is. Right now I only have a vague idea.

So here's a brief snippet from midway through my story. We've mostly heard from Kate up to this point, and Corey clearly wanted to be heard. I don't write male voices all that often but when I do it's a lot of fun and was especially so here because I went back and forth between them.

Corey's cock, which had been half-hard, stiffened fully as he pressed harder against her wrist. He saw plenty of women in the middle of, or nearing the end of, what looked like killer days. They stumbled in hoping to drown, or further, their sorrows, their eyes often already sunken as they looked up at him pleadingly, seeking some relief from the relentless pressure of living. They wanted to surrender to him, to let him take over, to give up any shred of responsibility, and blame waking up in the morning with sore nipples and no panties on his evil beverages. He went along with it, because that was his job, but he wasn't proud of the women he'd let seduce him knowing full well their pussies were swollen with whiskey or vodka, not desire.

But this chick had something different—a flash in her eyes, a hint about her mouth—that had nothing to do with the color they were painted. She didn't just look like she'd give a good blowjob, but like she needed to, like she was the kind of woman who, at the very sight of a cock, simply opened up inside to make room for it. The kind of girl who'd be wiping tears from her cheeks when she pulled her mouth off his dick, only for him to find her pussy a puddle of slickness when he touched it. Kate had that look, one he'd only encountered once before, a long time ago. Most of the girls he dated were more than willing to get down on their knees before him, but always with a price. It was quid pro quo or nothing. Not that he minded eating pussy; in fact, he often had to beg to keep going long after his dates were ready to move on. But he knew there was a difference between girls who were willing to give head and girls who needed to, girls for whom blowjobs were a fun form of foreplay and for whom they were an essential item on their personal sex menu. Girls who would rather not talk about it, silently wrapping their lips around his cock and just sucking, sucking, sucking, as steady as a machine, and girls who screamed and moaned and murmured against his shaft, girls who would go down on him anywhere, everywhere, who simply couldn't get enough. Nora had been like that, so long ago, and as he felt Kate's pulse race and her lips widened ever-so-slightly, she reminded him of his ex.

2nd half of "Sharing the Perfect Cock" now at Eros Zine

Part 2 of my Caught Looking story "Sharing the Perfect Cock" is now up at Eros Zine.

Please also check out the whole book (which I'll also have for sale tomorrow night for $12 at In The Flesh (yes, I must plug plug plug my brilliant, fabulous, awesome comedians and my party, cause I'm super excited about it.)

What-EVER

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to respond to people giving me unsolicited advice about my sex life. I know, I know, that's my writing and they don't know "the real me." But really - can we all read the last paragraph of this and marvel at the lunacy? My body is not a car, neither is my mind or my heart, thank you very fucking much. It's funny to me the people who read whatever they want into what I think and write, when I am so far removed from that it's like being in a dream watching yourself. If I've learned anything it's that I have to be honest with myself and true to myself and that is, in many ways, all that matters. Not in a selfish way, but in a self-assured way. I'm sure I'll have more to say later about this once I take a step back, and my response is so NOT for Mr. James D., but for anyone else who actually has something thoughtful to say. It amuses and saddens me when people try to put their values onto other people, like we are all stick figures carved from a mold. Which, mind you, was my entire point in writing the two virgin columns, and I'm much prouder of the fact that people like Wendy Shalit and Dawn Eden and Jason Illian who I, admittedly, differ on many counts from, got the points I was trying to make and respect me for it. How's this for comedy? I don't care about intimacy. It actually does make me laugh because if there's anything I care about, it's my relationships with other people. That IS my fucking life, thank you very much and I'm so, so lucky to have so much intimacy, both in my current relationship and in the many brilliant, beautiful, honest, caring people who I count among my friends. You know who you are, and that's what matters, NOT having someone size me up like a g-ddamn car in a parking lot.

Village Voice letters to the editor, November 14th



Letter of the Week

Re Rachel Kramer Bussel's "Like a Virgin" [Lusty Lady, October 25–31]: You don't value intimacy. It makes no sense to be more timid about sleeping with someone you actually love than sleeping with a stranger. What do you have to offer when it's time to commit to someone you actually love? Nothing but the fun of telling them about all the people you fucked whom you didn't care about. Control yourself until you're ready to commit so you can really feel special about having sex with someone you love.

Flirting: Staring at the car in the lot.

Hugging: Getting in and testing out the comforts.

Kissing: Starting her up.

Sex: A reckless drive on a rocky road, chipping the paint, over-revving
the gears, scaring the fuck out of the salesman. Bringing her back with well over a hundred miles on the odo. Moral of the story: Buy it before you drive it. It won't sell as well after it's been driven into the dirt.


James D.

Bensalem, Pennsylvania

Spanking bracelets!


spank me bracelets
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
I love these bracelets Alison Tyler got made to promote my spankalicious new book Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2.

If you want one, forward your Amazon.com receipt for the book along with your name, mailing address, and which bracelet you want to rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com

OR show up tomorrow night at In The Flesh where I'll be selling books - get a free bracelet when you buy a copy!

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Words of wisdom

Thank YOU, Mary Castillo. I definitely need to be reminded about gratitude and thankfulness and just keeping on keeping in. Actually, so many things in my life are going amazingly, beautifully, wondrously, and sometimes that makes me nervous. Or instead of focusing on the happiness, I focus on the flaws. But I feel like I'm growing up, in the important ways, every day and just trying to be the best person I can be, flaws and all.

Cupcake gift guide

Nichelle made a cupcake gift guide for all your holiday cupcake merchandise needs!

Plan B pharmacy campaign

This NARAL campaign is but one of a number of things going on around Plan B activism. I'm told that right now in New York City, CVS pharmacies should have Plan B, and it's coming to most pharmacies this week, but it will be behind the counter because of the age verification. I have much more to say on this topic but it will have to wait a little while, but then watch out.


Plan B. Where's Yours?

December 10th, erotic soap operaSex Scenes

Yes, I have 5 events in December, which is a lot for me, but I'm looking forward to them.


SEX SCENES

by Polly Frost and Ray Sawhill
the erotic soap opera set in Hollywood and read by actors

Sunday, December 10th at 6 PM
Cornelia Street Cafe
29 Cornelia Street (bet. Bleecker and W. 4th)
(212) 989-9319
Just $6! (and that includes a free house drink!)

With (in alphabetical order): Rachel Kramer Bussel, Ali Dizikes, Karen Grenke, Mindy Matijasevic, Jennifer Oleniczak, Francesco Paladino, Antoine Rogers, Jake Thomas, Kevin Craig West, and Adonis Williams

"Sex Scenes" is an ongoing x-rated saga of about ambition, desperation, betrayal -- and most of all, sex! Co-written by Polly Frost and Ray Sawhill. "Sex Scenes" will be going on the road in the upcoming months, with performances across the country in Albany, Los Angeles, Denver, Pittsburgh, Athens, Santa Barbara, Chicago, Austin, and San Francisco.

Visit corneliastreetcafe.com for directions and menu
Visit pollyfrost.com for more information

Book recommendation: Single Mom Seeking

I highly recommend Rachel Sarah's new memoir Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches from the Dating World to single parents, children of single parents, and anyone who likes a good dating memoir. Her writing is engaging and moving and she never plays the victim, but rather shows the reality, good and bad, of being a single mom. The father of her daughter wound up taking off when the child was less than a year old and the book is about how Rachel navigated the last six years on her own, both learning how to be a mom and a single woman in her late 20s, and now early 30s. She's reading at In The Flesh on January 17th for Erotic Memoir night, and I will be interviewing her soon for this very blog, so stay tuned. You can also check out Rachel's recent essay about some of the negative reactions to her story at The Huffington Post and her blog.

Joe Miller Cross-X Bookkeeping interview

I interviewed Joe Miller, author of Cross-X: A Turbulent, Triumphant Season with an Inner-City Debate Squad, about his book deal, expenses, and how he juggled his finances while writing the book for Mediabistro's Book Keeping section.

I also highly recommend Cross-X to any former or current nerds as well as those who care about the state of this country's educational system, racism, and class:

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

guitar heros and heroines


PICT0065
Originally uploaded by imbrettjackson.
"What I lack in costume, I make up for in cleavage" was my motto last night at a totally fun Guitar Hero II party. I got to play for the first time nad am now official a fan; I might have to get it myself. Check out the rest of the photos, many of which I took myself. I got home at 5:30, and it's nice to know that even in my "old lady" stage where I really just want to veg out at home in my pajamas I can have fun late nights too. It's been a weekend filled with cupcakes and friends new and old. Thanks to Brett for the invite and Rob for being such an awesome (and well-dressed host. It was geek heaven, so clearly I enjoyed it. I got to talk about Transformers, Boggle, cupcakes, contraception and Guitar Hero. What could be bad?

From my story "Animals" in Best Women's Erotica 2007



This is an excerpt from my story "Animals" in Best Women's Erotica 2007, edited by the fantabulous, cupcake-loving hottie Violet Blue. Buy the book to read the whole story. Sometimes I just like to write really raw, dirty stories about the times when sex just becomes your entire world, for however long that lasts. I think those moments are rare, at least for me, when I can shut out the rest of the world and just enjoy myself and I tried to capture that sense of going to another place entirely. A lot of my stories, especially lately, are kindof playful (and hot, of course), but this one is pretty much just the nitty gritty. I'm honored that it's the last story in the book and to be part of such a wonderful collection; here's a snippet.

He pushed me roughly forward, and I had to scramble to place my hands on the floor in front of me to steady myself. Then he shoved the remaining fabric of my skirt well over my hips and reared back, slapping my right asscheek hard. The sting traveled throughout my body, seeming to leave my mouth in a whoosh of air. I had to really focus to not tip over, and then he did it again, the sound echoing through the room. He tugged on my thong, harder this time, keeping it there so it bisected my lips, letting them fall on either side of the thin piece of fabric. "You want me to treat you like an animal, T? I hope you're ready for me." I am, I am, I mouthed to myself.

Then he let out a growl, mimicking several animals at once as he brought his hand down and spanked me again, this time using his hand to get at both cheeks at once. He leaned down and before I knew what was happening, his teeth had sunk into my skin, the fleshy underside of my ass, his mouth moist, his teeth sharp as I got what I'd asked for, got the fangs and claws as his nails dug into me, his teeth nipped down my ass to play at my thighs. When he moved us into the other room, carrying me over to the bed and laying me down on the mattress, my body pressed flat against the crisp sheets, all of me bared, open, waiting, I snuck a peek behind me and almost didn't recognize him. Like the best actors, he'd become someone else, gone to his own primal inner core as he scowled, his features contorted into a wild snarl of pleasure and passion and lust and sadism, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he whacked my legs apart. I went limp, a willing rag doll, as he pounced on me. His weight pushed me deeper into the bed, his cock pushing against my slit.

I felt deliciously, delightfully small, a little girl to his giantess, as his hands raked through my hair, then clawed down my back, the red lines burning as he did his best to mark me, brand me his wildest animal. He reached beneath me, pinching my clit hard, until it hardly even felt like my special nub, but something else entirely. He ground my hard pink button between his fingers, so tight I felt almost numb, a blaze of heat wicking its way upward and inside, then petering out just as quickly as it started. I'd wanted something, certainly, when I'd asked for this treatment, wanted to go farther than I ever had, shed some layer of skin that's essential for daily life but feels like a cloak during sex, even when I'm naked. I'd wanted something vaguely urgent, something like the Nine Inch Nails line, something like what I'd seen in those porn videos where the girl screams and screams and screams until you don't quite know what's happening to her, only that she cannot live without it. But whatever I'd wanted, whatever I'd dreamed about, Aidan had torched completely. My meek little fantasies were child's play compared to this, were like going to first base when he'd simply upended the whole ballpark. With just his bare hands, his voice, his cock, he became an animal for me, one who wouldn't take no for an answer because he didn't even speak any language, let alone English. He became exactly what I hadn't known I needed until then, his paws digging at me, burrowing deep inside, stretching not only my pussy but my boundaries as he bit and dug and pinched and thrust.

The end of an era

Bye-bye, favorite band. So many amazing shows, beloved albums and friends. Even if you're not making new music, I'll still be listening, just as intensely, always. I will also miss being the band's official smut supplier, but Ms. Elmore will always get copies of my books hot off the presses. Those songs simply are my life, and I can't imagine not having them constantly running through my head.

Friday, November 10, 2006

What I want for my birthday...

is for you to come to my comedy show and party afterward. There will be cupcakes, funniness, and sexiness galore. Just check out my lineup below. The party is right after the reading at 10 downstairs at Happy Ending. Expect hilarity, drunkenness, birthday spankings if you're lucky and making out (not necessarily in that order and not necessarily by me).

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
COMIC SEX NIGHT
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

New York’s funniest comedians riff about their wildest sex stories⎯from a horny gym trainer to a 30-year-old virgin to hot hotel sex and much more, they’ll make you laugh so hard you just might pee in your pants. With sidesplitting sex tales from Sara Jo Allocco (The Kissing Booth), Claudia Cogan (Check Your Cool), Jessica Delfino (“Rock N’ Roll Pussy,” I Wanna Be Famous), Julie Klausner (Free to Be Friends, Cat News), Todd Levin (How to Kick People), Mindy Raf (Collegehumor.com), Lianne Stokes (And God Created Women), Baron Vaughn (Tell Your Friends, Brooklyn Comedy Company), and music by the very foxy Adira Amram (Me and Bill, “Adira Amram Is An American Idol”). Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include Revenge of the Sex Columnists (September), comic sex (November) and erotic memoirs. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Andy Horwtiz, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette. This series is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.



Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice, and conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 60 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2, Up All Night, First-Timers, Glamour Girls, Ultimate Undies, Sexiest Soles, Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage, and Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.
www.rachelkramerbussel.com



Originally from Long Island, Sara Jo Allocco has been performing comedy all over NYC since 2004. Prior to that she took a job in an office playing with handbags, and before that did acting as a child. You might have seen her alongside Julia Stiles and Kirsten Dunst . . . auditioning alongside them that is. One part of the comedy duo Brandy & Sara, she hosts the monthly “The Kissing Booth” at the D Lounge, and “Flickr” at Otto's Shrunken Head. She likes San Loco, procrastinating, Justin Timberlake, and Toto. In that order.
sarajoallocco.blogspot.com



Adira Amram is a Brooklyn based musical comedienne. She has been described as a mix of Biz Markie and Madonna. Her CD Me and Bill, out on North Street Records, won a rave review from Jane magazine. For performance dates and other Adira news check out www.adiraamram.com.



Stand up comic and writer Claudia Cogan was recently called a "hilarious up-and-comer" by Time Out New York and an "acerbic wit" by the New York Post. After completing her training at the UCB Theatre, she was on improv teams for over a year and is still a regular performer at the celebrated venue. She has done her stand up at Caroline's, The Improv, and Stand Up New York, to name a few. She's been featured on Sirius Raw Dog Comedy network and her writing has been spotlighted by Gawker.com and MSNBC.com.
getthefoutofhere.blogspot.com



Jessica Delfino is a dirty folk song singer who also tells raunchy jokes. She was described as "a cross between Redd Foxx and Jewel" by The Onion and "Best Guitar Slinging Potty Mouth" by The Village Voice in the "Best Of" Issue. She spent her summer at The Montreal Comedy Festival and then followed with a 6 week US tour with The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and Corn Mo. She loves touring. Take her with you somewhere. Or at least visit her online at www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com.



Julie Klausner is a comedy writer and a performer, and she is also a lovely young woman. Her show, Free To Be Friends, was an official selection of the NY International Fringe Festival, and she has done many more lovely and cool things, such as her Channel 102 series, Cat News, and lots more stuff as well, including writing for Robert Smigel's TV Funhouse cartoon on SNL and doing cartoon voices on E! and for the new Comedy Central series Freak Show. She recently got to play the part of "Abortion Girl" in the Les Freres Corbusier production of Hell House.
www.julieklausner.com



Todd Levin performs his little comedy skits and zingers for all of you nice people. He has appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend and at the 2006 US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen. His writing has been published in Salon, Time Out, Glamour, McSweeney's, Heeb, Cracked, The Onion and on his own web site, tremble.com. He also co-produces the popular NYC-based comedy reading series, HOW TO KICK PEOPLE, at Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction on the last Wednesday of every month.
www.tremble.com



Mindy Raf is a stand-up comic, actress, and writer living in New York City. She is regularly performs at the Laugh Lounge, with Chicks and Giggles, and at the Teabag Variety Hour where she recently received the "Comedian of the Year" award. Mindy authors a widely-read relationship column on CollegeHumor.com that has been featured in The New Yorker and the New York Post. She is a contributor to The Phat Phree comedy site as well as the stand-up publication, The Comical. Mindy is also a regular actor for the popular Internet sketch comedy program, The Post Show. Mindy additionally writes and does voiceover work for a radio service that provides comedy content to broadcasting stations worldwide. For more info, please visit www.mindyraf.com or read her popular humor blog at http://thisisnotreallyablogforreal.blogspot.com



Lianne Stokes has a really hard time with numbers. She was always awful at math. Which means that she's constantly overdrawn in her "WAMU" checking account. A budding quirky creative type, she’s been doing stand-up on the New York indie scene for five years. Known for her high-energy style, she appreciates that "Dudes think she's funny." Most recently Lianne's had the pleasure to write and workshop her solo show, "And, God Created The Woman" around town. Oh! She's also got a blog. Yes! And, she's super proud that said blog is often linked to Gawker.com. In another life she dreams of being a fashion designer and boutique owner. Ahh! Dreams.
liannestokes.blogspot.com


photo by Semyon

Baron Vaughn is a daredevil. He defy the heavens and fate itself to get out of bed everyday and make his way in front of an audience that he tries to convince of his hilarity. He's been to the HBO Comedy Arts Festival and was recently named one of the 25 Sexiest New Yorkers by the New York Post. He still has no clue if he'll ever pay off his student loans.
www.baronvaughn.com

Marisa Acocella Marchetto at Fresh Meat on Tuesday!

ABOUT FRESH MEAT with Catie Lazarus at COMIX:
Comedy Central Insider, Time Out NY, The Houson Chronicle, the Forward, Jester Journal, New York Post's Page 6 as well as Gloria Steinem, Lewis Black, Dom Irerra and Susie Essman have praised Catie Lazarus and her sublime show Fresh Meat. In the first half you'll catch stories, book readings, short films, sketches, songs, and stand up from brilliant comedians, writers and actors. In the second half of the show, they share their worst experiences in the biz and first jokes. Plus, there is a "press conference" a Q and A with you, the audience!

FRESH MEAT every Tuesday
Comix, 353 West 14th Street, NYC (east of 9th Ave), A,C, E, L to 14th Street and 8th- one block down. No drink min but food and drink available.

RESERVE NOW: 212.524.2500 OR www.comixny.com $5 OFF if you use the code: MEATSPACE through November 28th- GET YOUR TIX IN ADVANCE!

November 14th at 8:00 PM- Catie Lazarus hosts:
Marisa Acocella Marchetto (New Yorker cartoonist and author Cancer Vixen)
Matt Diffee (New Yorker cartoonist and author of )
Sam Gross (New Yorker cartoonist and contributor to )
Mike Albo (writer for the NY Times to MTV & author of The Underminer)
Jane Borden (Comedy Editor of Time Out NY)

November 21st at 8:00 PM- Catie Lazarus hosts:
Red Bastard by Eric Davis (NY Times darling of the clowns)
Hamill on Trial (Musician who is on tour with Ani DiFranco)
Victor Varnado (Stand up on Conan and writer for HBO)
Julie Goldman (Appeared on The Sopranos, Writer for Logo's show w/Rosie O'Donnell)

November 28th at 8:00 PM- Catie Lazarus hosts:
Jessica Kirson (Stand up on Last Comic Standing, Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
Todd Levin (Host of How to Kick People, writer for Salon)
Tony Camin (Appeared in Marijuanalogues and Comedy Central)
Jon Daly & Brett Gelman (UCB Sketch group- Cracked Out)

I'm a very lucky birthday girl

I feel so blessed and lucky today, and not just because of the beautiful weather we had or the man whose bed I got to wake up in. This past month especially and past year have taught me so much and I’m so honored to have the people in my life that I do, who let me know in big and small ways what I mean to them. On the inside, and sometimes on the outside, I’m really, really insecure and I get so nervous about so many situations; will I be out of place, will I act weird, will people like me, etc., and so when I find people who I just click with, straight off the bat, to the point that I forget I didn’t know them until only recently, I’m thrilled. They make me feel like I am all these things I want to be, and as much as I can say I should find those things within myself, it never hurts to have people I respect make me truly believe them. So whether it’s Brooke Warner picking my brain and feminism and books or Viviane welcoming me into the local sex blog community even though I feared that “my blog isn’t slutty enough,” I am so grateful for the people I've met this year who make my life better. I realized this year I just don't have the time or energy for people who don't add anything and just drain me of energy, but the others, I always have room. I don’t even know what else to say except that I want to remember how I felt walking to work this morning, like I couldn’t imagine being any happier.

I’m thinking about so many things, among them Kirsty MacColl, who’s “painting stars up in the sky” as she sang in “Soho Square.” It’s a sad song but somehow as so much of her music does, it makes me feel calm. I've been wanting to visit Kirsty's bench in Soho Square ever since it was first put there, and maybe in 2007 I will get to. Kirsty's music lives on, and I think for me her legacy is to live each day as if it were my last, to not put things off or assume I'll get around to them, to tell people how much they mean to me now, when I think of them, to truly keep in touch and not just KIT.

So much happened this year, on both a personal and professional level. I feel way more than a year older and wiser, and yet sometimes I feel like a teenager. It careens around and that’s okay, I’m starting to realize. Hopefully I’m less tough on myself but still can push myself in the ways I need to. I wrote more than I could have imagined I’d be capable of, had 7 books come out, met my fabulous agent, got a contract to write two novels which I never dreamed were possible, traveled, babysat and fell in love with some of the most adorable babies in the world. Went through a lot and made mistakes I thought I was far too old for, but also learned some really tough lessons that I’ve only realized recently didn’t make me more cynical, just a little wiser. I grew up a lot, I learned how to forgive people, hopefully somewhat gracefully, how to keep my distance and how to get over myself. I don't think I've learned how to not leap forward full force, how not to wear my heart on my sleeve, but that's okay. Those are risks I have to take and as much as I value book knowledge and trying to be "smarter," I want to be a better person with the biggest heart possible. I want to be there for the people in my life because I know they are there for me. Being around my little smush this year has made me infinitely more honest and open; I am not that religious or spiritual, but my cousin was saying how babies are closer to G-d, and I see how pure of heart he is. I am sometimes so guarded and let all my demons lead the way, let my worst fears be the things that guide me rather than the relentless optimism I should be capable of. Taking care of him strips away all of those barriers and I want to spend more time with him, and baby C., and just focus on my novel and my relationship and getting my life in order. There's a lot of work that needs to be done and it would be easy to shunt it off and procrastinate but I want to face things a little better this year than I have in the last. But anyway, in my typical fashion, back to why I'm so happy right now...

I’m blessed not because of my books or the crap that clutters my apartment or any of that, not to say I don’t have a materialistic streak as well, but I’m blessed to know so many utterly talented, beautiful inside and out people. People who are making the world around them a better place and not forgetting that it’s the everyday kindnesses and pleasures that keep us going. I get pretty squeamish hearing what people have to say about me; I always fear the worst, and have learned from being on both sides that often how we perceive people is not always how they perceive themselves, so it’s touching beyond words when people get “the real me.” That sounds totally stupid in quotes like that, but the people who know, know, and I love them for it. “You have an innocence about you that is not at all ignorance but rather an almost youthful view of the world as something that can be seen and thought about as malleable in a fun way,” a very wise girl wrote me this week and really made me smile to know that we still have a friendship, which is a huge understatement, that has transcended so much and still enriches my life in such powerful ways.

And true friendship: lending me your kitchen to read topless and get photographed. Thank you Girly!

Then Nichelle sent this lovely birthday haiku that I will end on cause I have things to do away from the computer but yes, 31 so far is treating me amazingly well indeed:

Rachel Sexy Scribe
Kinky sweet lusty cupcake
Beautiful, fun girl

Thursday, November 09, 2006

From Blogger to Author panel, December 11

I'll be moderating this panel for Mediabistro that I think many of you will find of interest. It's funny because just last night, at the book party for Micol Ostow's debut YA novel Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa, I was talking to Ron Hogan of Galleycat about this panel. I was planning to attend anyway, so now I get to pick people's brains about books, one of my favorite topics! I don't know if it's just that it's my birthday week or what, but things are rolling right along - I am also doing some cupcake press that's very exciting. Details on that TK.

From Blogger to Author: How Bloggers Got Book Deals, and What Happened Next
a mediabistro.com panel discussion with editors, agents, and writers
Monday, December 11, 7-9 pm
Small Press Center, 20 West 44th Street
New York, NY 10036

Click on the link above for more information, but here are the panelists:
Jessica Cutler (The Washingtonienne), Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan (Apartment Therapy, Apartmenttherapy.com), Kate Lee (ICM), Laura Mazer (Managing Editor, Seal Press), and Robert Rummel-Hudson (author, Schuyler's Monster).