Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch me talk about my debut as an author, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, in this Q&A with my publisher Thought Catalog Books

Monday, July 17, 2006

Pornopolis, kinky sluts, blowjobs

Fleshbot's been all over The Denver Post series about porn. Again, there's an idea put for that you're either with us (fucking) or against us (not). Can't we all just get along?

Right now in America, it's fabulous to be a SuicideGirl, splendid to dabble in stripping, OK to seek quick, anonymous sex through Craigslist.

"It's just not OK to be nonsexual," says Meika Loe, a sociology professor at Colgate University in New York who wrote the 2004 book "The Rise of Viagra: How the Little Blue Pill Changed Sex in America."

"You're not really a full human being, you don't have full personhood, if you are not a sexual being."


Also, regarding the massive response to my "Fucking and Feminism," column, I also wanted to add that I fail to see what the difference would've been if I'd linked to, say, Pussy Worship. But for those critics who were bothered by the submissive woman tone of the column, try that one: "the temple of pussy worship! a blog about a mistress and her pet." Is that the preferred form of feminism? It's all good feedback because it makes me realize how much the phrase Sexual Freedom for All really means. It does NOT mean, to me, at least, enforcing a hierarchy of sexualities, where one is "better" or "more feminist" or "more enlightened." How is the answer to sexual inequality enforcing more sexual inequality?

Mistress Matisse kickstarted an interesting thread at The Stranger's The Slog about "Kinky Sluts vs. Feminists" which has delved way beyond the confines of my column.


Again, though, it's a false between all empowerment, all the time, and all submissive drudgery, all the time. Here's a comment from Salon about the feminist blowjob debate:

I absolutely love giving a good blow job!

I haven't had the chance to read the actual blogs yet, just your round-up Rebecca, but as a flaming liberal and ardent feminist I'm baffled as to how giving blow jobs has turned me into a subserviant and brainwashed idiot.

The truth is, as a generally orally fixated person I just naturally tend to love giving head as well. Granted, if the guy hasn't showered recently I doubt I'd do it but that has rarely ever been a problem. It doesn't even enter my mind that the guy pees out of the thing since all I'm getting is the cum. Oh yeah, I swallow as well. Less mess, less fuss. I didn't even realize NOT swallowing was an option until I was 27 and listening to some high-maintenance women talking about needing a napkin to spit in. I would think the act of holding it in your mouth, then letting it travel back out onto a towel or something would actually increase the contact with the cum as opposed to just letting it go down the throat as it comes. And no, I don't deep throat so it has nothing to do with that. As for pulling your head away as the guy comes, that also seems pointless because now its getting everywhere I probably don't want it to. Once again, less mess, less fuss and I've rarely tasted bad cum.


There was more, too, but see, I realized that I should've perhaps picked other examples because the reason we should have the right to give blowjobs is not because we have to "love" it, but because it's our choice. We may sometimes love it, sometimes hate it, hate it but do it anyway, which I think I said before - we shouldn't have to be obsessive about something to defend our right to do it. I think it's just easier to come to the defense of a sexual act you yourself partake in. As for me, yes, I like spanking and getting spanked. No, I don't have rape fantasies, but I, along with women like Lisa Carver, Jill Soloway, Siri Hustvedt, etc., recognize the importance of giving women room to own our sexuality - yes, even if it happens to coincide or overlap in some way with what the dominant/male culture wants us to do/say/think. And just to be clear, I'm pretty fucking sure that at least some aspects of my sexuality would be "considered a threat to this society." But why wold you want to base what you do, something that is, to many of us, so vital and life-affirming and personal and moving, on whether or not it may be some abstract "threat?" Those were examples, but I would think that the larger point of my column is that for adults, whether feminists or not, to tell other adults how to conduct their sex lives, especially in the name of "helping" them, is not treating them as people capable of making those decisions for themselves.

The topic of sexual freedom is much broader than blowjobs, casual sex and rape fantasies; those were three examples where I continue to see these acts being denigrated and treated like they are causing the downfall of society. Especially casual sex. I've learned a lot of fascinating things over the last few days, not the least of which is that Wendy Shalit interviewed Lux Nightmare, formerly of ThatStrangeGirl.com, and Melinda Gallagher and Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE for her book Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good. I also learned that there's a class at Harvard Law called "Power, Beauty, Sex, & Violence" (the closest NYU ever had when I was there was "Sexuality and the Law") and that Female Chauvinist Pigs was assigned reading. And not really related to this but just something I'm looking forwar to reading that arrived in my mailbox over the weekend: Laura Kipnis's The Female Thing: Dirt, Sex, Envy, Vulnerability.

See also: Greta Christina's "Oral Arguments" (or, "A Dyke's Defense of Blowjobs")

Also, the cause for some spitting (of my soda): Violet Blue's "Personally, I prefer my empowerment one thick swallow at a time."

I think I can safely say my column about panties will not be as controversial. There, too, I am learning: in this case, all about panty selling.

And now for the part where I geek out: GirlyNYC and other baby-haters, stop reading now: An adorable photo of Asia Carrera's daughter Catty with her little swimming fins (not sure of the proper name for them). If you haven't been following, ex-porn star Carrera is 8 months pregnant and was recently widowed. I don't really have much else to say except that my heart goes out to her and it's good to see her feeling more positive about her son's impending birth. It's a pretty tragic situation and I'm never good with "saying the right thing" about death. Perhaps no one, save Joan Didion, is, so there you go. That was meant to end things on an uplifting note. I miss the Smush and can't wait for him to come home so I can take him to the park, when it cools off a bit.

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1 Comments:

At October 19, 2008, Blogger dwpbike said...

enjoyed your post: honest and forthright. one thing is needed: a more descriptive term. it is neither "blow" or "job". if you don't enjoy it, don't do it.

 

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