Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sex column: "The Nonconsensual Play Party Voyeur" and vain attempt at catchup

I clearly don't have much time to update this blog - not sure if/when that will change but you can keep up to date by becoming my fan on Facebook, where I post articles I've written and news mentions. You can also keep up with me daily on Twitter (@raquelita) and Tumblr, where I also offer free books to Amazon reviewers when they're out (right now I am looking for 20 reviewers for the extremely hot Best Bondage Erotica 2011 - click here for details, until that link is no longer active and I've gotten all my reviewers lined up, that book comes out in November, just in time for my 35th birthday).

My latest Secrets of a Sex Writer column is called The Nonconsensual Play Party Voyeur.

When I was in my mid-twenties and just starting to discover my kinkiness, I went to a lot of play parties. I was never much of a participant, but I liked being a voyeur, seeing the things I’d previously only read about come to life right before me. I could watch someone—not porn stars, just regular people—get punched, spanked, flogged, whipped, tickled, teased, tortured, fisted, live and in person.

Attending events taught me there was a community of fellow perverts who were into some of the same things I was, and even if we didn’t share a specific kink, there was a commonality of spirit. I liked the rules that went along with BDSM, the mantra of “safe, sane and consensual.” That made complete sense to me.

Over the past few years, I’ve shied away from public sex or play parties because I prefer my bouts of limited exhibitionism to take place in other arenas. Recently, though, I found myself at a party I hadn’t consented to attend—I hadn’t even known it was a play party.

I can’t reveal too much about the logistics or specifics, but I can say that because I wasn’t prepared, I felt not only out of place, but extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t have a date, which I don’t mind, but I couldn’t relax. I was surrounded by complete strangers and had to wait to get a ride in order to leave. I felt trapped.

Read the whole thing at SexIs Magazine.

I wrote about the big new national sex survey and quoted Debby Herbenick, PhD, and author of Because if Feels Good, at Lemondrop, where I wrote about my tattoo (and garnered 344 comments, none of which I've read, because I'm smart like that).

I have two very exciting interviews coming up at Lemondrop, so stay tuned, and will soon be writing for the must-read site, The Nervous Breakdown, whose book club I also highly recommend (first two picks were Room by Emma Donoghue and Exley by Brock Clarke). It's $9.99 a month in the U.S. and books arrive at your door, along with, at times, bonus books, like the Merge Records history. Presents in the mail and intelligent discussion about them and unexpected literary treasures? Do check it out.

My 2010 IPPY Gold Award winning book Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories (click to watch sexy SoHo Grand-shot champagne, lingerie and kissing book trailer and read TOC and intro) was given a shoutout in Canada's Globe and Mail as a good book to read for those who want to talk dirty. I concur! From the piece:

Your boyfriend has (like many men) never fully expounded on what it is he wants? Divert. Pick up an anthology of erotica. Suggestions: Do Not Disturb, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel; Lips Like Sugar, edited by Violet Blue or Russell Smith’s collection Diana: A Diary in the Second Person. Propose story time and read aloud to your paramour. Note carefully what each of you responds to. Even if you do not get to the end of the story, you may want to keep your librarian glasses on.

Erotica gives you a script. You did not invent this naughty story; you are merely one of its players. Talking dirty makes for role-play. And role-play? Ms. Rosenblat says: “Once you are in character, it is the perfect way for women to give feedback. Then he feels like a porn star and she gets the sex she wants.”

My reading series In The Flesh ends December 16th with a blowout event. The next reading is October 21st, Orgasm Night, with 5 (yes, 5!) readers from all over the country from my book Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women plus authors I'm so lucky to have and you will not want to miss! See the site for full lineup. Also mark your calendars: I'm having a public 35th birthday celebration and Passion: Erotic Romance for Women reading, again with authors coming in from Berkeley and Washington, DC (aka, not people you can see here all the time). That, along with free cupcakes, happens November 11th at 7 pm at Word, 126 Franklin Avenue, Greenpoint, Brooklyn, right off the G train.

Look for Passion ads in the November issue of Romance Writers Report (for the Romance Writers of America authors reading this) and on the sites Romance Divas and Smart Bitches Trashy Books. I need bloggers for the virtual book tour in November - you get an assigned day in November and in exchange you get a free book and write about it on that day. Email passionateantho at with your URL and mailing address! The sexy kissing book trailer will be out soon too.

My calls for submissions page has now been updated to reflect the calls for the 2011 collections Women in Lust, a couples erotica anthology and Going Down: Oral Sex Erotica. My 2012 calls will be coming soon.

And October 16-17 I will be walking 39 miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. Wish me luck! Click on that link if you'd like to donate.

This is what happens when I don't blog for a while. Ha! I'm working on not making promises or plans I can't keep, so again, use the links above to find me, and I occasionally post photos from my iPhone to Flickr. Like this one from when I was sitting at a Starbucks in Burbank and saw the Los Angeles Times folded to reveal this:

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