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Monday, December 17, 2012

Break

I don't know if blogs count as social media, so I may be contradicting myself in this sentence, but I'm doing my best to take a social media break this week, to take care of myself, to plan what I'm going to do when I hit what feels like the health insurance jackpot on January 1st by, you know, having health insurance, to try to take in a little bit less information, to continue the path of reducing, rather than adding to, the drama in my life (so not my natural inclination, it's like I'm having an internal war when I deny myself the chance to take one little peek at some of those URLs). It's hard to feel like following through on putting together a newsletter when you feel like what you're offering to the world is useless, when none of it seems to matter and it feels so nauseatingly "me me me buying my books" that I want to toss them all in a dumpster, along with everything else I own (also clearly not my natural inclination, but what happens when I get sick of navigating through it all). I'm not even at the fake it til I make it stage, but I'll get there, because that's how I pay my rent, which I'm grateful every single month I'm able to do. So that's what I'm examining, what I'm offering myself, where I'm supposed to be going, while getting later than planned holiday cards out and trying to make better choices than a lot of the ones I've made this year and figure out how to selfishly focus on work that I love that actually counts as income-generating work. One word at a time, which might be the best I can do. Just, offline, ones that I can be proud of even though I will probably be the only one to see them. Much as I am simply waiting for 2013 to get here, if this year has taught me anything, it's that life is short and who knows how long I or anyone I care about has left, so I can't afford to just tick off the seconds; I have to find a way to make them count. Not sure how, but...that's part of life too. I was going to say I'll return to my regular internet ways in the new year, but maybe I won't and will work on decluttering my online presence. I think it creates an overinflated sense of self-importance, at least for me, but it's also a necessity, so maybe away from it I can figure out how to balance those things.

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