I've discovered that it's really challenging to take a good self-portrait, even with that cool camera-turning-around function on the iPhone. So I will just say that as I sit at Starbucks, I'm still rocking my false eyelashes and glam makeup. And very excited about the sexy lingerie I modeled today at Shag - I loved it so much I purchased it. It's by Sweet Paine and soon there will be lots of photos for you to ogle.
I had thought I wasn't up for it. I thought I was recovering from my trip, I thought and still think I need to lose a good 25 pounds. I ran around in the rain buying up a ton of lingerie at Victoria's Secret, wondering how I'd look, and then an hour in hair and makeup and I felt totally hot. That is also a function of the photography team taking the photos, who not only were full of compliments, but switched off the camera to each other. I sipped champagne, tossed my tall hair around, crawled, arched my back against a pink brick wall, licked my lips, fluttered my lashes, stuck out my ass, bit my lip, held onto my gold champagne glass heel, and much more. I had so much fun and it reminded me that lingerie isn't just for lovers.
These days, I don't have anyone to share lingerie with, mostly by choice, or by choice/circumstance. I could definitely find someone to share it with, but I feel like I finally grew up, all in a very short time period, when it comes to standing up for what I want. Maybe it took hanging around couples who actually are so happy together they made me think that might be possible, even for me, and that settling for anything less, despite what Lori Gottlieb says, is not what I want.
But that feeling of invincibility, for lack of a better word, was so wonderful. I love that this single piece of clothing wrapped around all 150 or so pounds of me and made me feel beautiful. It made me want to show off for the camera, and just for the camera. I have to wean myself off of trying to get that attention in ways that are unhealthy. I started to slip down that rabbit hole recently and I could see myself caring way too much about someone who isn't into me like that, and I am starting to take care of all the things I need to in order to look at myself in the mirror and want to wow that girl as much as I wanted to wow that camera. That's a loooooong process, and I can't be all glammed out like this every day, but I want to try to retain that feeling for as long as I can.
A funny aside - because I had these crazy eyelashes and eye makeup, I decided to skip the glasses during the photo shoot. After I got dressed and put them on, one of the photographers, Eric, was like, "You wear glasses?" He seemed really disappointed that I hadn't worn them during the shoot. That made me laugh. "I wear them all the time," I said. Therefore, to me, they are boring, everyday. I guess it depends how you look at it. So I'll include this one of me from the not-glam-at-all Starbucks I'm working in.
shoe porn (none of these are mine, by the way)
colorful rope and handcuffs
And some snaps from Shag, where I highly recommend you get your Valentine's Day cards if you find yourself in Williamsburg. I just may buy some of these (okay, the first one) for next year!
And a fabulous Do Not Disturb sign - of particular interest to me!