Sometimes, my body is trying to tell me something, and I ignore it at my peril. Today, I threw up after drinking the same tea I drink most days, Tazo’s Awake tea. I’d eaten parts of cupcakes in the morning so that I could write about them, and had an egg sandwich, mostly with the egg, and some seltzer. I think it was the tea; I wasn’t feeling poorly before that, but after that, I just felt awful, but I couldn’t go home early. I was going to go to trivia because I love it, but my head has been hurting for the rest of the day, making it near impossible to concentrate on anything. I’d look at something, start to work on it, and my vision would get kinda blurry and I’d just not be able to concentrate. My face hurts, which is not a good sign, and I keep having this unbearable urge to cry, which I just may let myself do. Some of it may have to do with getting my period today, because my period only seems to come when I'm going on a trip. Not every trip, but, well, most of them. My fault for not being on the Pill already and able to double up and skip a period, but still.
I dragged myself to my post office to pick up my mail, but alas, there were none of the checks I was hoping for, plus a crazy long line (I will say that the very clean, bright post office down in the Wall Street area is one of the most efficient ones I've ever seen, giving me one more thing to like about this area, which is surprisingly mellow, unlike the 34th Street area was). Happily, I did get the book Blog Blazers in the mail from my friend Jennette Fulda, which I plan to take on the plane tomorrow to Austin. I already read a few of the interviews and they were very interesting. I’m trying to be a sponge about so much of this, cause I knew nothing when I started blogging. I deleted this blog in its entirety back during those hazy breakup days of maybe 2004 or 2005. I don’t regret that, but I didn’t really think it through. And with my cupcake blog, and ideas of new ones, and planning my SXSW food blog panel, I’m trying to learn about how to keep building it and how to juggle it all.
Sometimes it seems like there’s so much to learn, I’ll never have a chance at figuring it out, but then I remember that even if I don’t do things the “official” way, our way has worked pretty well so far and every day I'm getting signs that the world of food blogging is welcoming me, is where I belong (especially with my iPhone).
But my point was, I get the sense that my body is trying to say, “Hey, take it easy. It’s okay if you have to cry, or pause, and maybe even take a few days off, like entirely off, not sortof off but frantically working on the side.” It’s been a rough few days, lots of stress about money, overdue projects, my relationship, a few particularly vexing business situations that I’ll post more about later that I think have been eating at me from the inside out. I had a lot of delicious solitude this weekend and I needed that, but am now about to head into four days of nonstop togetherness, and I don’t always do too well with that. I have this really bad habit of letting things build up to a really horrible point, whether it’s illness or deadlines or debt or mess or whatever and when things fall apart, they fall hard. I think all of that contributes to just wanting to stay under the covers for a few days rather than hop on an airplane.
I’ll be fine, and I’m looking forward to the nice weather, but traveling is always stressful. Hell, sometimes even washing my hair is, if not stressful, more than I can manage. I’m in dire need of a haircut but just keep putting it off. Now I have to try to rearrange my SF trip to go to a friend’s wedding here that I’ll be sad if I miss. But one thing at a time; first I need to take care of my body because while I can work through a lot, when my body is insisting I barely be able to make it through a paragraph, let a whole page, it’s gonna win.