I'm back!

Very briefly, I finally, finally made it home, a day and a half later than planned, super sniffly, head/ears ringing, probably on the verge of getting sick, but in Brooklyn and thrilled to be here. The extra day and a half was full of ups and downs, and I will post more about the artwork I saw, much of which was incredible and thought-provoking. You know something is wrong, though, when you are sobbing and crying on the street to the point that strangers offer you tissues. That was me this morning outside the U.S. Embassy after being told I couldn't take my laptop in. I just couldn't handle one more setback but will say that after that the passport process was very quick.

With the extra time, I managed to see this exhibit this amazing sex exhibit at the Barbican, check out improv at The Comedy Store, get a new passport, stop by a closed Amora, the museum of sex and relationships (there's an orgasm tunnel, apparently!), which was recommended by Cupcake Fetish, see the pop art exhibit and even more incredible photo exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery, and do some much needed retail therapy at Selfridge's, where I got a dress and some scented cupcake greeting cards. It was somewhat of a whirlwind and in some ways the high point as well as the low point of the trip. It feels strange to be back in my apartment instead of the cozy white flat, and yet I am grateful for my own bed and some alone time.

My head's a little all over the place and I have much to ponder and think about, and am not really sure what it all means, but I do believe everything happens for a reason, and something drew me to London, to visit F, to do something that part of me was telling me strongly not to, and part was doing the opposite. I'm learning not to be so hard on myself and to accept that maybe there is some part of me that knows best, even if the big picture eludes me.

At Heathrow, where I had to fly out of rather than Stanstead as originally planned, I ran into my friend Maggie and her friend Kaight, whose shop I want to check out ASAP. Hearing about their wild times in Berlin and sharing a cab home with them was fun. And my battered and broken and taped up Hideo Wakamatsu suitcase even made it back in one piece.

I have much work to do, much to figure out, much to journal, but I know I needed some time away. And now the rest of the year is somehow filled with travel, cupcake and reading plans. I think this was all a big wakeup call and I hope that in the future I can handle myself with a little more maturity and dignity. Even baby steps toward that rather than my impulse to collapse would be welcome. I'm sure I will always be a work in progress, but seeing myself so out of step with reality in ways big and small has made me more determined to work on these problems day by day, to not get so lured into the easy answers.

In the immediate future, I have so much leftover work to tackle, plus a busy month (event info coming soon), but I think I needed some time away to just relax and not have to think about the future, to not have it all weigh so heavily on me. I needed to be taken care of and am so appreciative for that care.

Oh, and I'm not going to AVN, and only see myself doing so if I get paid to cover it. I am really trying to realign my life in many ways, though it may not seem like it, to get ready for less of being a "sex writer" and more of just being me.

Now my sneezy self must get some sleep as I have much desk cleaning to do tomorrow, not to mention generally getting back in the swing of all things NYC.