(Dead)Lift Like a Blogger

Before Crossfit, the most I’d ever really done in terms of weight lifting were using my 12-pound dumbbells at home and this leg press machine at my gym, where I was psyched to get up to maybe 110. Now, I am doing crazy things like trying to squat with 170 pounds on my back and being grouchy through a 165 pound deadlift. I found this blog Lift Like a Girl via Allison, and she has lots of links to other weightlifting blogs.

I’ve been toying with the idea of going to one of the Crossfit group classes, except my week is usually pretty packed with the private sessions that I don’t have much energy leftover. Today I had a brainstorm that some of the sex blog chicas I’ve seen at the gym might want to get a group together and go. Anyone? Also, side note⎯how fucking awesome would a kinky gym be? I am so torn between wanting to be a sub at that gym or a mean trainer top. I just wrote a story for my book Yes, Sir about a bratty girl and her trainer, but that’s just cause I have written so much smut that I’m casting about for any new locations, situations, etc. I think if there were a legal way to run some combo dungeon/gym, it would do major business. I know there are dominatrix bodysculpting classes and the like but some dungeon should look into that ASAP. But seriously, I'm up for organizing a group of girls (ladies, chicks, women, whatever) - email me. You don't have to be a blogger but it helps. (I'm kindof at a point in my life where I'm like, How can you not have a blog?)

I don’t really know what “lifting like a girl” means, though I can say that the idea of purposely getting bigger, like Death by Powerlifting, could not be more of a foreign concept to me. Today, for the first time, I wore my Crossfit t-shirt. When I tried it on a month ago it was too busty even for me. It was just tight and didn’t feel the way I like my t-shirts to feel. But today it fits, and that makes me happy.

I’m not gonna lie; after Saturday’s session, I went to cupcake arts and crafts day and kinda passed out. I was awake and all but super tired. My legs really hurt right now. People say exercising gives you all kinds of energy, and it does for me, but it also tires me out. It can be pretty all-consuming. I mean, sometimes lately I'm just like, who am I? I'm ordering weightlifting shoes for goodnes sakes! I like the "new me," but I think what I like the most is that I'm 10 weeks in. I'm not exactly known for sustaining things. I'm all about the big start and then skipping out in the end. I've had to make some big changes, or rather, little changes that added together have changed a lot of things in my life. I can’t keep my crazy hours like I once did. I’m spending a lot of time and energy focused not just on the workouts, but paying for them, eating in new ways, bringing food with me, making sure I get all these fruits and veggies in. It’s going really well for now and I wouldn’t trade it in at all but…I also have a mountain of work to do, and between job and freelance and working out, and the occasional socializing, I don’t have much free time. I’m about to try to set off into the wide world of dating, which seems necessary since I can barely remember when I last made out with someone (yes, it was 2007 but was at least a few months ago), and I truly don’t know how that will fit into all this. I can’t really bust open a can of sardines on a date and don’t at all want to be some girl on a diet. On the other hand, I’ve had all these great conversations with people, and with a lot of guys I know, it’s opened up new things to talk about. I feel like I’m part of a community of people who are all really encouraging and supportive and that makes a hell of a lot of difference. I’ve always, always gravitated towards things that were easy for me and away from things that were hard (can we say law school dropout?). It’s not that I’m lazy per se, though I am, it’s just that I like to focus on the positive. So having to really attack the problems, to not just ignore them like I usually do, is a huge challenge, made even huger by having people watching me do it⎯watching me when I succeed and watching me when I don’t.

I will say that for me, it’s not just about “going to the gym.” Ultimately, I think what I am learning is perseverance, and stamina, and patience. If I’ve inherited anything from my dad, it’s his impatience, and I have to battle myself all the time to slog through the hard things, at the gym and outside it. I’ve been a quitter, more times than I truly care to elaborate on, and I don’t like myself very much when I quit, or at least, when I don’t put my very best effort into something.

Allison sent me a link to this site Stumptuous that someone (sorry I forgot who but thank you) had commented here recommending a while ago, and I really liked it:

You see, progress is not exactly a linear onward-and-upward thing. It's more like a thousand little tiny stops and starts. Even for the so-called experts, life intervenes with multiple pressures to fail. It doesn't get any easier. You just get better at managing it, problem solving, and coming up with creative strategies to combat it. You get better at saying no to things that rob your of your energy and better at saying yes to the things that are truly valuable and essential. There is no better time. There is no better life stage. All you have is now; all you have is you. These things that seem to impede you - you don't wait till they're done then start your life. They are your life.

p.s. Soon I’m gonna let someone take some photos like this of me so I can use them to illustrate posts like these. Or, alternately, so those who want to can see me stick my ass out when I do squats. Either works.