The art of the blurb, or, Ron Jeremy and me

I've been reading various blog postings (see Pub Rants, Pub Rants, Pub Rants, Jenny Crusie's "Confessions of a Reformed Quote Whore," and Buzz, Balls & Hype) about blurbs and what's been just as interesting as the authors' thoughts are the commenters'. As readers, I imagined we each have different visercal resones to the books we see on dispaly in seemingly neverending array when we step into a bookstore. Sometimes it's enough to make me jump back and run away; I don't know how to wad ethrough tehm all and watn tot toucha dn peruse and browse and ponder each and every title, to the point that i spend way too much time looking, keeping thinking I'll come across the perfect book that will distract me from myself and make my life magically better. But just as Susan Shapiro says in her upcoming book Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic abouta mate not making you whole, neither can a book. No book is going to be perfect (unless, in a rare moment of synchronicity, it is) so the likelihood of you agreeing with anyone's choices or comments 100% is rare, thus blaming them if you don't like a book based on their blurb makes no sense. It's an opinion, nothing more, nothing less.

I think blurbs should be taken for what they are. It's not an in-depth review, but a short quote that’s by its nature promotional. Some of the commenters acted incredibly offended that someone might be a little over-the-top with a blurb or that they may not be a 100% accurate assessment, but that’s not the point; they’re not meant to be. They’re a teaser, a snippet, and, when done well, a chance to promote both the blurber and the blurbee. I l i k e b l u r b s t h a t g i v e a l i t t l e o f t h e a u t h o r ' s p e r s o n a l i t y . B l u r b s t h a t a c t u a l l y m a k e y o u n o t i c e t h e b l u r b e r and allow them to show off in the short space allotted while also saying something brief but possibly profound about the book they’re blurbing.

Fast Forward

My favorite one I’ve seen recently is this one by Amy Sedaris for Eric Spitznagel’s Fast Forward: Confessions of a Porn Screenwriter:

"Like most pornography, I found Fast Forward to be a relentless and indecent assualt on the tradtiaionl family values that Americans find most sacred. Makes a great stocking stuffer."

It’s silly, it’s funny, and it’s oh so very Amy. You kindof have to know at least something about her to get the humor, otherwise it’s right over your head. But that’s another point; blurbs are by their nature in-jokes, and, to some extent, require having at least a passing acquaintance with the blurber’s work to have it mean anything. Which is the reason why people try to get high-profile blurbers, otherwise, to the average shopper, it could just be “Mr. X says ‘This book is Grrrrreat!!’”

Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants

Consider these blurbs of Jill Soloway's Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants (there were more but I'm just grabbing these from Amazon)

"This is a sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes funny, sometimes chillingly truthful, completely wonderful book."

-- Bruce Eric Kaplan, New Yorker cartoonist and author of This Is a Bad Time

"I felt a little guilty and refreshed after reading htis book, like spending an illicit afternoon with an amazing stranger. Soloway wears her prose like a red cape; she's an extremely engaging writer behind her billowing chutzpah."

-- Andrei Codrescu, author of Wakefield and Casanova in Bohemia

"Were I a whip-smart Jewess possessing a natural gift for observation and a wickedly funny insightfulness, I hope I would write a book just like the one Jill Soloway has written."

-- Andy Richter

"Jill Soloway is a wickedly funny, sharp and poignant writer, willing to speak out against sexism in all its forms, from diamond-ring ads ot the media assault on Monica Lewinsky."

-- Amy Sohn, author of My Old Man

"Hilarious, painful, angry and astute, Tiny Ladiesin Shiny Pants is a great read -- a dryly funny chronicle of one woman's journey to live a meaningful life in an increasingly meaningless culture."

-- Alan Ball, creator of Six Feet Under

To my reeading, the Codrescu and Richter quotes take the content of the book and add to it in a really poewrful way; "billowing chutzpah" is exactly what you'll find in Tiny Ladies, and probably a phrase Jill herself would use. And, of course, if you're Jill Soloway you get a blurb from Alan Ball. But the Bruce Eric Kaplan one? Well, really, it doesn't say all that much besides, "I liked it." But I think the author or reader should be able to look at blurbs and consider how much they really mean to them personally. For instance, I loved Jeannette Walls's The Glass Castle so much that I've been looking for similarly moving memoirs ever since. I want a memoir so gripping and intense and real and wild that I want to drop everything I'm doing and keep readaing. I'm reading one right now that makes me want to interview the author; it's making me run to the dictionary to look up words and just marvel at how much he can say in just a few sentences and the really vivid, if disturbing, portraits he paints.

When Polly Frost's editor Paul Stevens asked if I'd look at her short story collection Deep Inside for a possible blurb, I was hesitant, because I knew it was fantasy and sci fi erotica, and for the most part, that's not my thing at all. I'm too literal-minded to get into most fantastical work, and for that matter, generally prefer non-fiction over fiction. But, Polly's writing was so creative and fun and sly and sexy that she really wowed me, and I gave her this blurb:

"With Deep Inside, Polly Frost turns erotica on its head, makng readers expect the unexpected from page one. Her stories' twists and turns make them all the hotter, from piercings and blood-suckers to magical dildos and futuristic sex machines, all featuring characters whose fetishes will dazzle you with their originality. Kinky to the extreme, these horny perverts know the brain is the biggest sex organ, so be prepared for mind- fucking extraordinaire as they leave their mark, often literally, on their lovers. However fantastical her scenarios, though, one thing Frost doesn't forget is the very human power for lust for another which pushes us along our individual erotic paths. Frost will very likely change teh way you think of sex with this collection. It's never as simple as it seems. Go "deep inside" her exotic world of dirty dreams, and you may never want to come out.

And this is what Ron Jeremy had to say:

"Dear Readers, I found this book difficult to read, becuase the blood kept leaving my brain and entering my penis... (it's called a boner). Very erotic stories you'll find here. If porn as we know it, is on the edge, then Polly Frost has leaped over it, with a double somersault and a twist. If I directed some of these fantasies, I'd either be the world's greatest adult film director...or I'd be in jail. Enjoy this. I certainly did. And if you'll excuse me, I'm looking for a female Serzan."

So there you go. More than I really needed to say most likely, but just my little take. I am perhaps an odd reader; I read acknowledgements and bios first, then dig into the book, and am often reading about 10 books at once and am lucky when I actually finish even one, but when I do, I'm very happy with myself.